Trust. I have problems with trusting others. However, I know this comes from past times of my trust being abused by certain people. Knowing this still doesn't always make dating, or forming relationships easy.
I have strange needs,- their voice must jive w/ my style; the tone & or accent, available but not hovering, spiritual & aware of life's magic, intellectual & intelligent, appreciation of music 🎶, active to enjoy nature & the outdoors, digs savory & nourishing foods 🥘, gentle with pets/children/plants....
My experience about #2 is a bit different. I feel like showing my true colors either attracts narcissists to me or get them to envy me and even sabotage my plans.. It happened so many times that I've learnt to only show my true self around those I trust and to stop sharing my plans until I've already accomplished them lol.
Yes, if we are too much for people, they should go find less. The man I loved who died never thought I was too much. He loved me, period. I felt it. I knew it. I will no longer settle for less. We both healed from so many things by talking to each other and sharing.
I am 52 years old, male, textbook INFJ. Maybe times ten. I can't even keep close friends, much less a partner. I am resigned to life alone. It's not so bad. It sure beats the cycle of getting my hopes up and having them dashed over and over. Plus: no way I'd saddle anyone with THIS guy. I am not "for" everyone. Is there such a thing as being too free? I doubt it.
I spent the last 2.5 years giving all of myself to my relationship with my wife. It turns out that she is a narcissist and I discovered she has been cheating on me with several men. So I discarded her before she had the chance to discard me. I slammed the door in her face and walked away. Now I’m focusing on my my art career and focusing on myself from now on.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Ex #2 is a malignant narcissist, and I left him as well. It was so obvious that he only cared for himself-not our kids, not me. Been single since 2013. It was lonely at first but now it’s preferable.
I have experienced somewhat the same. Only I wasn't married, I never will marry. But the moment my eyes opened and wasn’t blinded by love anymore I sent her a text message. Without being "mean", without lowering myself to her level. I did end the text with: 'I hope your next victim is smarter and not as naive as me, and will see the real you sooner then I did. You need Jesus' And I blocked her in every way possible. But that was before I realised that I really am different than most people. Now I focus on my career and all else that happens, happens. I am not going to want anything anymore.
I’m 23 years old. I’ve learned at 15 that I need to make my own moments and not rely on people all the time because everyone has their own problems. And I’m so independent, I can’t fully rely on people. What I want from a partner is love, compassion, respect, and willingness to communicate.
Glad to hear someone else learned that lesson early on. You’ll find her, don’t give up. I’m still fighting for my love but she’s extremely stubborn like me.
I'm 28. As I was in the early classes in school the lack of shared interests really bothered me and my parents are a little bit of helicopter, especially my father and I am the little brother so my sigma side begin to appear when I was just 12 as a result of all of this. How can you react if your envirement is pushing you if you are a sigma - build your own personal universe. Till today I haven't been in a seriouse relationship with someone and my only friends are friends by hobbys with whom I comunicate mostly online. Most of all I relate to points two and three and of course like you say willingness to comunicate. It sound pretty simple to be said, but for introverts like us it's a milestone to find someone who is willing to make the first step towards us.
I recently came across your channel and really appreciate what you share. I am a 56 year old single woman, never married nor kids....very much ok with that! I have been single more of my life than in a relationship especially in my 40's till now. I have a very extroverted job so I decompress each day with art, my dog, cooking good food, my shows, etc. Still I long for a partner. Someone I could see once or twice a week though lol. Seriously, I love my independence so would be nice to have someone to go dancing with. Thank you again.
INFJ- I have a neighbor who started asking me for help. Take him to the store, fix his iPhone, go to the corner store for him (he’s been banned, I wonder why 🤦🏼♀️). Mind you I also have a p/t job, help my folks, help other family and friends. I’m burning the candle at both ends and hardly ever have time to do my stuff. Well anyway, this guy called me self centered because I don’t have time to be at his beck and call. Door slam. What did he expect? A cookie? I wasn’t comfortable with him constantly forcing a friendship and trying to “hang out” anyway. Do you know he’s still ringing my doorbell and calling me from blocked numbers? I give him an A for effort but I’m ready to blow up on him. His ego is going to get flattened.
I'm crying during this video. Thank you. Guys run away from me because I am too much too intense. I am ashamed of this but don't know how to be less intense. Now I still don't hate men. I forgive them. But I focus on something else instead or else my mental health will crumble.
I'm going thru abandonment now by a partner. All because "I'm like the FBI". I just KNOW things. I hate tht I have never experienced love. I'm currently on a countdown bcuz I really can't take anymore of being too much for someone else and not enuf for myself.
I love what you said that if as infjs we are too much and too intense for people, then those people should go find less. We shouldn't water ourselves down just to be liked by other people who don't care for our true selves.
I just realised why I was so miserable from something you said, we look for a project. No wonder why it always turns out sour, these people we choose in our lives are riddled with problems, as many or more than us. We need to heal before finding new people.
" If I'm too much for someone then they can go find less"... I actually recently said that to my partner.😬😔 And thank you again Wenzes you have literally saved me from a deep depression and make me feel understood and not judged, I'm a villain in everyone else's eyes. 🙄😑
Anybody here ended their marriage or LTR once they found MBTI? I feel horrible on the one hand and liberated on the other - I know I chose my spouse off of the very thing Wenzes spoke of in the video and 14 years in - its a total mind*bleep* Love to hear yalls truths around this
We seem to have to go through a lot in life compared to the others, especially not fitting in and being seen as different ALL of our lives. It seems many of us also learn hard yet valuable lessons a lot later in life. I think so many of us have abandonment issues from early childhood that cause a lot of our attachment behaviours as well, especially those centered around who we choose as partners and even "friends". Wenzes is phenomenal on these topics and has helped me a great deal. I'm forever grateful and because of her I have hope that one day (NOT TODAY THO) I may come to actually appreciate being INFJ.
@@tmc1373 You both (you & tmc1373) hit the nail on the head. I honestly thought I was the only person in this world that went thru this. So grateful to have found this amazing channel. I hated being single, now I love it.
My last relationship was years ago with an ENFJ. I realized later on that yes the relationship was a distraction from things not going as I wanted in my life. Also, I viewed the person as a project and also made this person responsible for my happiness. That was really unhealthy and did not work out. I met an amazing INFJ like me, we had awesome conversations but he decided to pursue a relationship with an old friend. I dated an ENTJ last year and he was an excellent guy on paper but we lacked the compatibility I am used to having easily. I did make an effort to be open to going slower in growing a connection but it felt forced on my end so it did not work--he may have thought I was too spiritual and whimsical in comparison to his very rigid/serious personality. I personally don't want to settle and have gotten to where I'm okay with singleness but eventually, I want marriage in my future. I believe it will happen in God's time.
Tomorrow I will be 66. I have been single for at least 20 years. I may be stuck in number 4. In the past, I have chosen men who seemed to be interested in me because of my INFJ characteristics, but in the end, they want to destroy those characteristics. They certainly did nothing to encourage their growth. Then when I backed off, they cried, "What did I do?" Sex was the worst! I spend mounds of time connecting how I connect, and I know they like it, but they just make me feel like a whore. "Uh, uh. Was it good for you?" Now I know why. They weren't at my level and I KNEW it. One time I was involved with a guy who could reach into my soul like I did with him, but I ran off. In my defense, it had been less than a year since my divorce and I was afraid to be stuck in an unhappy situation again. But I think I was more afraid of my "mirror." Being an INFJ without knowing or understanding what it means sucks!
This is such a great and helpful video. I wonder many INFJs marry twice in their lives because they didn't understand the information shared in this video prior to marrying? Not knowing the information shared in this video and getting married would likely cause an INFJ A LOT of distress.
Listening to this I am feeling so at home. You described my life and thinking as if you were in my head :-). Always this feeling to be more than others can bear or like or love, always censoring me, holding back knowledge and advice and comments to not being recognised as someone "weird" is so exhausting and boring. Won't do that ever again. Thank you.
Thank you so much Wenzes, I was just asking myself why my last relationship failed ?! Again ?!!!! even though this time I wasn’t in my hero saving mode or the martyr. I realized after hearing your last two points that I still have a lot to learn. Truly appreciate your help Wenzes, you have changed my life forever ❤
The INFJ mindset is more mature, more detail oriented, than your average Joe or plain Jane. Life isn’t all fun and just a game. The life of INFJ is not an open book to see, we don’t show and tell, accept rejection, let them show their true colors. It’s all about quality not quantity. INFJ are planners , organizer, goal accomplisher , Remove yourself, from the gold diggers mentality individuals, who always want a free ride in life. Get away from the what’s in it for me attitude. Work as team player, find a team player In your journey of companionship, You are worth more, never take 2nd best. Look for a person who have same mindset, Hard work verses Laziness don’t mix., INFJ don’t babysit other’s individual’s laziness. If your ghosted, it could mean ,that not interested as a person.
thanks for this comment, I recently left a 5 yr relationship because I realize or she developed gold digger mentality and also cause her anxious and low energy state was affecting me too. There are times she could be more considerate of the words she used. She spent 3k on tattoos, 600 bucks on a bag shortly after and later that month a 120 on shades while eating out with friends many times and only working slightly above min wage while paying no bills for her parents home while called me poor and lazy on different occasion and in front of her friend. I knew it was over when she controlled me for trying to call the restuarant about my jacket i forgot. Honestly I either want someone with ambition energy and independent or someone good at cooking and mother skills or someone that enjoys the same hobbies I do.
@@vancouverpoy No problem , Just be more aware, meticulous or picky when comes choosing a mate Study her personality traits, before Committing a relationship. Look for same mindset. Test her out without her knowing it. That way you tell if she for real or fake That’s the best advice I can give you
I would like to be with a woman that is working on her own personal development as I am. Either they are very rare or I am running in the wrong circles...or could be both! You would think that wouldn't be too much to ask for?....
about 'not showing your true colors', here's the thing: I have a mirroing problem. when I'm in a relationship, I naturally dive into their world, take interest in their hobbies, watch and read the stuff they like, and before I know, I've done all this leg work to accomodate them and make them feel seen and heard, but I didn't put the same effort to accomodate MYSELF in the relationship. And I get frustrated at my partner for not giving me room to be myself when I never asked for it to begin with.
Thank you very much, this is so good! I feel like I'm being too much so often. So far ENFJs never have enough but I tried and can't live with them an every day life. I am guilty of everything you said. It's so hard to stop thinking 10 years into the future when I meet someone!
Maybe we are too much to others because we have unresolved Attachment Wounds and Developmental Childhood trauma and need to be seen/heard and unsure whether we will? As well as lacking self-esteem not used to popularity?
Every time I settled, I ended up with a narc. I prefer being single now, actually I love it. Btw: I don't think we are as rare as they say. Gundy, Mother Teresa, me and lots more were/are INFJ's too.
Thank you Wenzes 👍 you’re a great communicator certain words you say trigger my mind of things people have said in my past. I enjoy your hard work. I don’t want to fix a partner in a relationship. I want to live a joy filled life! I want a relationship that compliments each other. I like your ideas.
Wow. Reason number 5 is so true about me! Finally some explanation for my feelings 😅 Love your videos! Thanks for sharing your knowledge, that is so helpful.
This video has come at a great time for me. I was supposed to go on a first date with someone just last night, but he wasn't able to make it. He did let me know that it was tentative on having his son picked up on time beforehand, so I was able to adjust my expectations at least. I still got ready and kept checking my phone for any communication and it was until 7pm that he finally let me know his son wasn't picked up yet. I was disappointed and a bit frustrated, but I took myself out to eat, went to a local play, had a delicious vegan dessert, and talked to my stepdaughter on the phone. So I made the best out of the time I had to myself (without *my* kids). Now I'm wondering if I should sit tight? Let things unfold? I'm feeling like I should detach emotionally because when I want connection, it is not met or it is very delayed when it is. When he calls me, I answer. We are both busy people, but I'm starting to feel like I'm the only one making time for a relationship. Im a single mom with three kids who each have complex needs and I'm trying to also take care of myself and *my own* complex needs; it is safe to say that I'm almost always multitasking. I use a planner and other tools to help me stay on track and I make time for the things that are important to me. I'm trying to approach dating the way I approach friendships, which is that there are no penalties for things and I'm not keeping score, I'm much more understanding. I will still walk away if they take advantage of this, but I want the same level of understanding from another person so I feel like I should be more relaxed.
It is very important to define to yourself what is it exactly that you want from a relationship, trust, loyalty, friendship and love. And also if you can offer the same of what you're asking for is important as much. 💯❤️👌💫
"If I'm too much for you, then maybe you should go find less!"😂Perfect! Thanks. Love your channel, it's a huge part of my healing in retirement journey.🥰🙏
I've never viewed the few partners I had as a project. I just was expecting a decent human being and thats not what I got so I wanted to leave within a week to a month. No one is on my level
I agree so much with #2. Hiding my personality have done absolutely nothing for me - other than meeting unempathic men who weren't interested in me as a person, but just looooved how I made them feel (I find that men generally are really focused on their own experience. I'm a fairly attractive woman and therefore men often want to talk, nail that trophy and get some validation from me (the 'yes, you are attractive and you are good enough as a human because you have just attracted a beautiful girl'-badge) - and I can even tell them all of my problems and how I have sexual trauma in my baggage and some of them will still see me as just an attractive object for them to conquer. This callousness is generally unbelievable. Anyway. That is also why I sometimes get so aggressively honest with my personality because I'm just so sick and tired of being put on that pedestal by men with low self esteem/confidence. And the truth is, none of them would even be that interested after all, if they took their rose tainted glasses off and just saw me for who I really am. The truth is, I match with so few persons, because most men don't want to deepdive the way I deepdive. And seeing the way that they percieve only the outer apperance and knowing that we would NEVER be a match because our personalities don't mix - and seeing over and over that they are not able to realize that - it just makes me soooo tired.... I just want to yell in their faces: "You are delusional, our personalities don't match, wake tf up!" At this point, dating for me is a piece of work.
@@hleary1670 Hey, thank you for your reply and I am sorry that that has happened to you. I think ultimately it is about healing to such a degree that you don't attract the men that want to exploit your vulnerabilities. It takes A LOT of healing, but it is possible I think. I am getting there. I just realized just before I went on RU-vid and read your comment - the exact same thing that you are telling me: That I need to be better to just leave a conversation if I feel that my boundaries have been violated. I am very bad at that because I don't want to hurt other peoples feelings and I don't want to be another voice that tells insecure men "you are not alright". Because it will just strenghten the abyss that sometimes exist between the understanding of men and women. But in the end of the day, it is not my responsibility. Society has given women an incredible amount of responsibility for other peoples feelings, especially mens feelings. An men feel entitled to a degree that they sometimes respond to a 'no' with aggression (and men has not learned how to deal with negative emotions properly). And growing up with an aggressive father, I know how easily it can end up in violence. So that is my burden or knot to unfold. Maybe to decouple the mindset that me saying no and me expressing boundaries automatically leads to violence or aggression.
@@hleary1670 Furthermore, I think that I need to be vary of two types of men: The overly insecure and vulnerable men and the overly self confident, player type of men. Those are the ones that has hurt me the most and has overstepped my boundaries the most. But yeah, I think you're right. It's better to set boundaries than telling them your vulnerabilities and expect their empathy to handle the rest. Some of them haven't got that much empathy to begin with.
@@msprupru14 I'm sorry you relate but also happy that we can share some experiences. Yeah, I know. It's very annoying. I still haven't figured out how to reject them. But it is something that I have to work on, otherwise, I will never met a guy I actually want to be with, when all the others are sucking your energy, just wanting that validation...
@@hleary1670 Yes, I very much agree. That early boundary setting also means that we can use our energy on people that we actually are a better match with (the ones, that are higher up i emotional intelligence, as you say).
took me 2 years to get another infj i found randomly to open up to me, another infj. He wondered where I was getting all these good idea's. I sent him your link. This is another INFJ male I saw randomly exeriancing my life 4 years ago. In every way every day hes going though his trials of self discovery and is also in his mid 30's I hope he comes here.
When I was a bit younger, one of my sayings was that there were two things that did not last with me. One, my gym partners, and two, my girlfriends. Now I realize why! However, the intimacy and intense emotions that were experienced are forever missed, and I would say 'cherised', but I will take none back, as they say spite always comes too late, and like Wenzes say, there are those that will gell with you and you with them.
Omg this is the first time I’ve heard someone talk about the infj tendency to feel easily trapped - I’ve done this - I’m not sure about someone so out of fear of being stuck and then feel bad to break it up I just say no possibly missing a good relationship
this has brought me much sense of disillusionment and despair in my 20s. I was entangled with covert and malignant narcissists and just when you are like, life is suppose to get better not worse, the same type of men just different names and faces that lie, cheat and deceive, it just shatters and disturbs your spirit and self and as an INFJ, you have to remember your dignity and integrity and maintain your character. Don't fall for crap, heal your toxicity and refuse to settle for less than what you deserve because these types aren't even half the person you are! Embody and embrace self love and the right soul that's equally yoked will find you.
Wenzes - I have a hard time being on my own - always single - like I always want someone to join me in the fun that I plan because I feel like I need someone else there to enjoy it to the max
😂 I've been like this from childhood. Never understood why others didn't want to join. Later in life I seemed antisocial but actually I'm very social and that makes me too depending on company/ public/ classroom full of students/ friends etc.etc.
With the help of you vids I'm confident that I can go into dating BUT: There was something that was holding me back Which is INFJ'S AND TRAUMA I GREW BEING ABUSED SO I HADN'T WENT TO THERAPY BUT I HONESTLY FEEL THAT IF I DO MY TRAUMA WORK WITH HELP FROMYOUR VIDS I CAN DO IT THANK YOU FOR OPENING MY EYES ❤❤❤❤❤LOVE WENZES 😊😊
I agree. There was an excellent video on abandonment issues I watched the other day from another RU-vid. It was life changing and what I needed to know my entire life. It has been a tremendous help along with Wenzes video. When I become wealthy, God willing, I'm going to hire Wenzes as a personal life coach. NO one understands INFJs like she does.
My difficulties comes from being an INFJ. 😅 Overall I was stuck on one person so I skipped out on many relationships. That relationship went so wrong and I was traumatized because of it. I became so closed off and when I finally found someone else I fucked it all up. After that I fell into a schizoid depression and not until lately I care to want a relationship. I’m older now so my options are not the same and I’m very picky.
Age definitely makes a difference. I notice this too. The field is not as wide open, and brimming with choice as it was when younger. And often, those who are available come with tons of scars at this age because of past relationship failures, or just not ever wanting to grow. There are other reasons too, but those are two I often notice.
I notice the options are fewer as I've gotten older, as well. A lot of people I meet are married with kids, living common law with their partners with kids or are divorced and have kids from past marriages or are bitter. There are very few single never married childless/child free people out there as we get older.
I myself been in that situation, three times ... last time in 2016... I gave it up, not Im 46. Recently, like 4 months ago I found MBTI and that I am INFJ. Male... I guess it's too late now. Even if I were rich, only the gold diggers would find me. Wasted my life in a military career earning like 400-500USD a month at best.
We need an INFJ dating site, it seems like 2 INFJ's would work wonderfully together. I can imagine they are very romantic and affectionate relationships, as i find it is often myself who is the romantic one in a relationship but without receiving the tactile aspect we crave as INFJ's.
Yeh you re right. I lile to dive deep duringba conversation and if somebody yawns or glances at the watch or even gives it a break because it was only a coffee break at work and its time to go back, then i feel offended amd small. Its a great turn off on me. In dates, i expect perfection of passion, i cant digest any mistake or i take it as the person is not made for me. Hence still waitingbfor my twin flame. Arranged marriage is either totally abided to erasing the self or totally avoided and taking charge. For me life must happen organically and not faked. I live more through my subconscious i prefer it that way. Lofe during all my schooling, i though reading class lessons at home or preparingbfor exams was artificial and cheating. Learningbis supposed to be organic right in school. And what i grasp there should be my actual reality. Because life is natural. Not to be given shape.
"Dated" (door slamed very early) a ENFP and a ISFJ. ENFP didn't understand me and was obsessive over me and "corrected" my book ideas and such, the ISFJ decided to plan out my entire life for me down to how many kids he wanted me to bare him.... Um sir im a person of a higher calling not a brood mare 🙃. Its funny both of them told me that they never connected to someone as much as me LOL 😂
Being an infj is challenging enough, especially finding a compatible partner but being a gay infj is next level, one in a million is not mathematically impossible, so that's a positive l guess. 😄
Fantastic video and great advice!! Every reason is so very true, and I know that all to well! As I've gotten older and more mature, I've been able I think and look at it in a better light than I did before, thinking of these experiences as most valuable lessons, but after discovering myself as an infj a few years ago, and hearing it explained, it always reinforces and helps to keep these thoughts in perspective, and motivates to take the right steps! 😃
An INFP is more consciously aware of what they are feeling most of the times. An INFJ would more likely feel like something "feels off" but can't quite put a finger on it.
If only I knew 30+ or even 16 years ago what I have learnt and know now. Everything you say is true. I discovered myself, made peace with who, what and how I am but that's mostly not acceptable to people closest to me. So at a distance I'm okay, close intimate relations from parents to marriage, extremely frustrating.
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Hi there, I’m commenting from Switzerland . Interesting to know she connects with people from different parts of the world. Such an ambitious woman. I got in touch with Ms. Davis early this year. As a newbie in the market, I had little knowledge on predicting the stock market, but with Ms. Norman weekly analysis and advise profits are guaranteed! I received three times my initial deposit in a week!!
I have a master in mathematical finance, so it wasn’t so easy to get me convinced to begin an investment without me carrying out proper research on her. I had her broker ID checked and she’s fully verified! So I began with a few bucks, only to get huge returns in a month. I reinvested and now I get long term monthly returns… So glad I don’t rely on pay checks anymore.
Not a lot of people are aware of this new market, only a handful know how it works, I was fortunate to reach out to Ms. Davis the beginning of last year, she put me through the basics as a mentor would do, I learnt and earned massively from trading at the comfort of my home.
I'm a 23 INFJ male I don't even know how to get a date. I don't like making the first move. Social media makes me upset. Online dating.... yeah, forget that. It feels like I have to advertise myself for sale, and it feels gross. Seems like I have to make the first move in person. Paradoxically, my generation is so dependent on social media that social interaction is seen as bothersome or invasive. I can't meet people online it feels fake. I don't know how or where to meet women in person if or when I have the confidence to do so. My friends have said I need to get out more, and those same people say that women don't want to be approached in public, but I'm also told I have to try harder to initiate the first move or nothing will happen. I feel lost, trapped, and doomed. All I can think of is trying to work on myself and make my center whole... easier said than done.
It’s maddening, isn’t it? I even joined an astronomy club trying to meet a smart dude but no, none of them appeal to me but at least I’m in an astronomy club, lol.
When i knew about Narcissistic people i obseve my life again guess what i found out out of 10 people 7 people i sense that they were narcissistic. Even surprised my mom is the one. But seriously i am my late 20s, I scare to met new people or in general people who shows interest in me. I Don't know whats wrong with me. Why i fell like every person who shows interest with me i fell scared. And run off
I don’t know honestly. I was in a 25 year relationship and a year ago found out he had been hiding who he really was. I think there were several times I suspected something, but I wanted to believe in love and romance I suppose. My life has been turned upside down and I would not know where to begin again.
My crush is taken by one of my friend, their relationship is about for 10 month and I didn’t know that until today. But 2 month ago he said me like your smile is precious or smth like that, so now I’m confused. Why did he say smth sweet to me even if he get girlfriend.
I think I've been the kind of person who wanted to help another person. In my case, it was with their music because a mutual friend said we should collaborate. Well, I went for sodas with this person they said I should collaborate with and that's when I learned they were immature and not as serious about making music as I was. It was disappointing and looking back at it, I was smart not to turn down any invites from other friends to hang out because that would've prevented me from meeting new friends and having even more opportunities to share art.
REASON #1: WE'RE LOOKING FOR A PARTNER WHO IS OUR SOLUTION AND OUR PROJECT What you are describing is the Female Thought Process; and, not the Male Thought Process. ?What is the Male Thought Process Equivalency, or Alternative Male Thought Process?
I’m not sure if you have done this yet? I’m new to your channel, so I apologize if I missed it. Anyway I was wondering if you did a video on the INFJ in comparison to each zodiac sign (strengths & weaknesses) I’m a Sagittarius. Or if you already did this please let me know 🙏🏻💐💕☀️
