WHY THE INFJ CAN’T FIND A PARTNER 

Have you had a hard time finding a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship?

INFJs have a tendency to get into "build a bear" relationships- "broken wing," " I need saving" relationships. All that empathy and Fe driving you to always want to help and heal everyone except yourself. It can be a vicious cycle of caring for others, but usually getting let down by them in the end. You are so right- we do need to be our own biggest cheerleaders. We shouldn't be looking for someone to complete us, but to complement us. No soulmate, just a soul who wants what we want, and is willing to reciprocate the acts, feelings and desires that we give to them.

I’m 25 and I have been single my whole life. My sister says I have high standards but I don’t not think I do. I don’t care about looks, I only care about everything else lmao

We can't find a partner because we are not really looking for one. I, for one, prefer solitude.

I'm a male INFJ. I had almost given up thinking that I would find someone I would "fit" with. Then, I met an ENFP and found that there IS somebody who understands perfectly. She's my soul mate. She is absolutely perfect for me and I'm absolutely perfect for her 😊

I'm at a point in my life right now at age 29 that I literally dont want a relationship or even to date anyone for the first time in my life and it feels so AMAZING, SO FREEING! I have spent my entire life wanting a relationship, wanting to be with that "special person", going out of my way to find or attract them. It makes me sick to think how much of my energy and time I wasted on that hamster wheel. I dont want it. And not in a "in denial" kind of way either. I'm so happy to be unbothered, alone and working on myself right now. The constant chase to find someone to make my life better came from such a subconscious mating process that had me running on autopilot like a robot or something. I cracked the code and no longer feel chained to it. I see how stupid it is.

married at 40, been married 27 years, worked out great!

If being too deep and sharing is overwhelming for other people, thats not something wrong with you (or me) as being an INFJ. I scared off too many people, and had been too intense. I was never using other people as an escape or an excuse. I always viewed a partner as an expansion, an addition to my life. So having focused on myself and having been single almost my entire life...I just continue to be too intense and deep.

I'm attracted to extroverts, and they are to me, but it also stresses me. As an INFJ, people can drain my energy if I spend too much time with them. There is also an intense artist and creative component to INFJ that if not developed and nurtured will leave life feeling meaningless. IMO as a INFJ you really need to be careful about who you share your space with and to what degree. In addition, we often appear odd to other people. They view our psychological needs as weakness or ridiculous. At 25 I'm not looking for a life partner, but I cannot comprehend being attached at the hip with someone else. The thought instantly makes me feel crowded and restricted. I cannot imagine a partner giving me the type of freedom I need to be able to tolerate a relationship. Being a INFJ requires a large amount of energy expended on self-management, so it does not make me insane from the constant stimulation the environment is pouring onto me along with a mind that never stops creating, imagining and thinking. There is self-management or being a Bitch with all the remorse and guilt afterward and not much in between. I hate being an INFJ, yet I would never want to be anything else.

One woman I dated said it best, "Get a Life, then Get a Man".

After my divorce (been very codependet) I focused on myself and totally understood what Emma Watson once said and people laughed at, that she "is in a relationship with herself", and what you said "I will be so happy with that person" "my life will be so great", I'm applying all on this on myself and it motivates me so much to become the person that gives me everything (But I have to add that I'm a loner and don't want a family or a partner) Actually my relationships hindered me from becoming the person of my dreams :/

This is all why we are narcissistic bait. :( I get what you're saying but why is it a bad trait to be a really deep person? Why are people so afraid to have deep conversations? It would be so boring to be with someone who doesn't enjoy these types of conversations.

I’m an INFJ, which I still refuse to believe, but every few years I retake my test and still receive the same answer. A lot of it makes sense, especially when I refer to my day to day life. That being said, I think if you fall head over heels into A catagory that’s tells you YOU ARE this, you will manifest that. I have been with my partner for almost 14 years. It is possible to have a healthy relationship as an INFJ. I know for myself, I refuse to have a label dictate how I am or how I should be. This is such a great and informative video!

My circle is so small, I have no friends. I'm divorced and been single for 10+ years. I have enjoyed the years "learning myself." Some days I feel broken because I feel people don't understand me. I pray the right person is out there. That he'll find me and see what a jewel I am. Until then, I'll remain a single.😩

Be whole, complete, happy with yourself first. THEN see what you attract. If you dont like what you are attracting, see my first statement. For me, it would have to be someone actively and happily pursuing their purpose in life. I would not settle for less..ie, rather be by myself.

Lol I've dated before but they didn't last for long. I always realized short after it started that I'm better off alone. I only liked the idea of 'liking' someone but not being in a relationship.

Being single for over 10 years because all of the things you mentioned in the video . Very helpful , thank you Wenzes.

Have I had a hard time finding a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship? Yes. After a divorce, and a few short-term relationships that did not work out so well, I began a journey for self-improvement, focus on my career, and my hobbies. I have enjoyed the single life. Being a bachelor has been different and enjoyable. I do hope to meet a single fine lady, in person one day. I actually hope she is also an INFJ or similar personality type so that we both will have mutual respect, and a good understanding of one another. I just want a "return investment". Her and I both bringing plenty into the relationship together.

INTP: What I read in the personality groups is that the INFJ's ideal soulmate is the INTP. The problem with this is that we're also only 1% of the population, and we're as reclusive as you (INFJs) are - very hard to find. Surprisingly, I've found a few INFJs in my life, and let them all get away, even though they slipped so comfortably into my world, as though they owned it. Our conversations were always so deep and intimate, interesting, fun and funny. Thing is, it's a lot harder for us to spot you than it is for you to spot us in a crowd. If you want us to ask you out, you almost have to smack us in the nose. Some INFJs actually asked me out, seemingly pretending that it wasn't a date. Or maybe it was and I just didn't see that. So the next time you come across that nerdy science guy, especially the one who likes motorcycles, fast cars and scuba diving, get close to him (or her, as the case may be) and say "Hi!". But bear in mind that you may have to ask him (or her) out, because we're really socially inept. We're brilliant scientists and engineers, but we're kinda crappy at dating. Also, we're not very good at escalating in relationships. So stop dating all those players, which is why you're still alone, and start looking for us quiet guys, who have our noses buried in books.

:smiles tearfully: From my perspective I have to disagree that we can *never* find someone who can be all we want them to be ... because I did. But I do agree that such an outcome is vanishingly rare. I was in my early forties before it happened and it turned my life around. But cancer came for her nine years ago to the hour and my heart has never recovered since. She had me promise that I would not follow her before my natural time and that I would find someone else but, whilst my will is strong enough to keep the first half of that promise (little as I want to keep living without her) I have found that the world is not particularly full of people like her and most are playing the 'game' for their own advantage.

I've been single all my life (I'm almost 40) and I never felt like anything's missing in my life. I do have good friends, though, who have helped me in my darkest hours - I've always thought this is the most important thing. I can't close my eyes to people's major flaws, like other persons do and I can't pretend I feel things that I don't like others do.

Knowing what I know I find my life so much more fulfilling without another person around me continuously... life is just so much better .. being at peace and to spend time on really important projects are so much more fulfilling .. my energy levels are so much higher .. Thank you so much ..

I wasn't even sure I was going to comment and say how long I've been single now, but after reading some of the other comments, I really realize that I'm not alone in this, or more importantly, don't feel strange about my thinking or reasoning about it. It sort of reinforces what I already know, is that INFJs are unique, and share strong commonality in their thinking. I was in a long-term relationship for 12 years, from my early twenties to my early 30s . I can now honestly say that probably due to some of the INF traits probably lent to some of the reasons I stayed at so long, as well as other factors I'm sure. It was very depleting to say the least, so after getting out of that, I was in no way, ready to risk repeating that, and I even told myself I would be more cautious and be even more in tune with myself first, however I did date , and at some point even thought I was maybe making progress with one that was 6 months of intense communication without meeting , but rather emailing and chatting on AOL, LOL yes it was that long ago, '04 to be exact, but it did fit that criteria of not really being long-distance but yet there was a bit of geographical distance, but most of all it probably fulfilled that fantasti cal type thoughts, and allow that feeling of safety and secureness, talking through a computer screen. Right about the time that it became a disappointment, I also pushed everything aside to deal with the illness and subsequent loss within my immediate family. in the aftermath of all that, I made faint attempts to date, and made a conscious decision, (at least I told myself that to the point that I think I believed it), to just put any thoughts of anyone, to the back burner. It's now many years later, and suddenly finding myself in my fifties, with a "bag" full of reasons why it is probably best this way, I can honestly say that learning in the past couple of years that I am an Infj, and what all that entails and means, has made a tremendous difference in how I even relate to myself 😀 I just hope that any younger INFJs here, will really listen and take heed to your valuable words, because I know it will help them so much!! 🤘😉😀

I have been in the un-healed INJF relationship and I learnt to understand and accept my part in the fall of that relationship. I’m now healed and looking for someone who has there own goals and plans so our lives can come together as one instead trying to fit in one another’s life… but I’m starting to a the notion that they don’t exist.

Wenzes...i truly appreciate you. Your timing is so amazing to me. I was just sitting here writing in my journal abt my need to let go of the fantasy that no one is going to come into my life and make it exciting, go deep with me and help me escape my reality. I could feel the heaviness in my chest. My nervous system is so raw and lit up now as everyday i take another step planning my new life with new goals and dreams and releasing the old life of looking towards a partner to give me the confidence to achieve my goals. This new way is tough but i never want to lean on someone else like that again. I never want to lose myself in another the way i have previously. I know i have to find the confidence and strength within myself right now. And i realized this from watching your videos. Thank you so much

Change is scary but soon turns to excitement. Do good ,be better and the best will come.

Your vulnerability really humanizes this message. Thank you.

I'm 29, male, and found the love of my life almost ten years ago, we're now expecting our first kid. She's an ENFJ, which seems to be a perfect match. She's super patient, understanding and the joy of my life. It's possible as long as you remember you are you and they are they, don't change yourself more than you want, and don't expect them to change more than they're comfortable with. Try to find positive spins on the things you'd hope would be different when it comes to the small things, and just enjoy life for what it is.

Yeah, I am INFJ and its really hard.

I’ve spent 13/18 adult years single. I know my values & purpose & live accordingly. Aside from the fact I’m a sapiosexual who’s only attracted to brunette men, I think my decisiveness has something to do with it. Some people need 5 years, 3 kids & a divorce to work out someone’s not the one... All I seem to need is a second (at best), or a weekend (at worst). I can see into the future with someone & 99.99% of the time I don’t like what I’m seeing. Not sure if that’s INFJ, or just me?

I think this may be true for people. I don’t think it’s an INFJ thing. The majority of the people in the world are codependent.

Talk about a pertinent topic! My experience was: (1) being open to finding someone (2) but not being in a hurry and (3) being constantly pressured to "find someone." When I moved from my home in Michigan to South Texas, it went from bad to worse. It was constant pressure -to find a partner and to find him yesterday. Actually, I enjoyed my single life. The problem was that when I was younger, I watched a lot of the dynamic you described in the video, and it was happening in the lives of my friends and family. I didn't want any part of it! It seemed like I would have to give up who I was in order to give to the other person. I believe we need to really let go of other people's opinions and trust our own judgment. My husband and I met on our own terms, under super circumstances. We had a lot of important things in common. After eleven and a half years, he passed away. I still miss him, and I can truly say that we made some great memories together. We did it our way, and while that's true of most people, I think that for us INFJs its especially true.

I stopped caring for relationships a while ago. It takes too much time and effort for me personally to deal with the drama that comes with most modern women and all the drama that they want in order to make them feel happy/validated so I've become sort of detached because it's the same pattern of behavior in most cases and I don't like putting myself through that. If you ever listen to Tupac, basically the hook for his song 'All about you' is what I see every day lol. I don't quite get the distance relationship thing though. For me personally, a romantic interest shouldn't be more than a reasonable driving distance away(that means 60mins or less).

It's about meeting someone doing the same thing and you are excited doing it and that creates a spark

As an INFJ who is now engaged I can't say enough how true the first couple statements she just said are. Things change and you get there. Just keep at it

My challenge is a little bit different. My challenge is that I'm already building the life that I want and I genuinely feel like my life only gets better and better every day, but when I meet people or go on dates this life I'm building makes my expectations even higher. So the irony, in my case, is that the more I build the life that I want the more I feel like the person I choose to add to my life has to meet higher and higher criterias. Particularly the criteria of being able to fulfill this need of connecting deeply and full acceptance of everything I am. Also, I like individuals that have an extremely high level of self-awareness and empathy. And when I say high, I mean high. But most people don't have such high levels of self-awareness & empathy, so then I made a challenge here as well. Yes, these are all my issues that I have to be aware of and continue to work on, but very interesting.

In my opinion, most infjs don't like small talk or bs and don't try for love because we see your lies and have a whole relationship with a person with every outcome possible in are heads to see if it's worth it. most times it's not , also if the person is in doubt or nervous you sense it and back off

Ok... This is my second comment on this video. This video is so "dead on" accurate, that I'm listening to it again, and am still extrapolating more juicy tidbits. I'm gonna go for a 3rd listening. I'm really learning what's been the source of my problems... ME!

In big summary, stay yourself. Welcome to people who want to take part in :)

At this point, I am ok at being single and taking care of myself. Just as long as I stay productive and have a small circle of friends, I'm ok. My current perspective of having a relationship is in being in a relationship with my faith in Jesus.

This is really helpful! Could you make a video series about INFJ as an employee and the things they struggle with and how to address it. For instance, INFJ's tend to miss out "small details" at work and since we are critically sensitive to criticism, if those mistake is being pointed out we tend to overthink it. Thank you so much 💗

Wow! Very accurate! Thanks for the video! As an INFJ, it helps to know I'm not the only one having a hard time finding a "suitable" mate (misery loves company🤣). So far, I've been involved in 2 long distance relationships, one of which I'm still in. Esther Perel commented about the problem with modern relationships in general. She said its the expectations we have, that our mate will take care of ALL of our emotional needs. But, in the past, that used to be taken care of by an entire village. No one person can do that. So, I'm assuming that this picky trait is more pronounced in INFJs.

Biggest point - save yourself because no one else can !

INFJ’s are very compatible with each other. Great chemistry actually. However, attraction is pretty low between us

This is funny, I've always had a hard time attaching to men. I realize my most important relationships were escapes and I love the exciting parts of their life. Also, I felt unfilled in these relationships. Took self reflection for me to realize I have to pursue my passions and create a life I love. Once I started doing this, I became very happy and dealt with less depression. I remember taking on others problems in my relationships. Not taking into account, it was not my job. Yes be supportive but do not try to solve their problems

Never give up and if you need to make some life changes then it’s okay. I learned a lot about myself from being an opioid addict. I’m going on my 10th year of being clean come October 20,2024. Going through drug rehab, you learn so much about yourself. Most people are more focused on getting out or getting high when they get released. I was completely voluntary in 13 residential rehabs and 30+ outpatient treatments. I never gave up.

Im single forever. Haven't had a gf or a date in 13 years. Constantly surrounded by narcissists. I haven't seen a good option in my entire life.

Thank you so much. Getting ready to watch this again. I couldn't understand why the person I'm with, and other of 3 wives couldn't get to my level. I also have a bachelor's in psych and at 63 have had many life experiences. This makes it all the more difficult. This video gave me a new perspective to see many things from. Noone understands the way I love and so I have to look at relationships different and it's sad I cant get as much as I could give but everyone's different. Life is strange that's for sure.

INFJ here. I've been single for 3 years now but I've had the opportunity to date several of my friends which I turned down because in my mind they were all one sided. I can consciously make an effort to understand and get along with them well and I do because I see the good in them and their value as a person instead of seeing them for their flaws. But for us to get along the effort and communication is completely one sided. They get to be themselves while I have to be malleable and flexible to get along with them and the effect of this is having lots of friends but realizing I can't date any of them lol. So I do understand why finding a partner is hard and I'm okay with it.

I'm just looking for a complement, at this point. I don't need to escape anything, and I can't handle settling for a project like I did last time, I'm just looking for someone to share life with that I can think freely and, in time, deeply.

The ironic truth about us. We have a vision of how should our relationship be, but we still push it in the wrong direction. It's a matter of how oftern we rethink and recalculate our relationship with someone and that isn't constsntley easy and comfortable, but in one way or another the truth will take it's toll no matter how consciously or subconsciously we are tring to decieve ourselfs.

Married @ 30, married 30 years, I just lost my soulmate, 9 months in... Grateful for the time together. ☮

At least y’all know the struggle too, I feel like people tend to envy our skills and then in turn it can turn to jealousy. I feel like it can be hard to play coy sometimes if I really wanna just be myself and put myself out there. Not to be a pessimist but it hurts getting cold shouldered sometimes when I just want to cheer people up. I’ve been untouched as far as any love but Ik I stay clean, perhaps I’m to hard to get or picky but being alone this long really can pick apart self esteem regardless if your health physically and are confident with looks. Watching the video I’m starting to understand that I gotta find like a social playbook to not over invade others space. I see hope in my future but I can’t forget the scars of the past as they provide a sense of wisdom. And you know what they say, chics dig scars lol. (had to vent before the train of thought left the station… sorry but I really gotta stop saying sorry tbh)

Was married 28 years and my son and wife passed. After seeing the modern woman, it’s like I walked off a mountain into a parallel universe. Two words; tic tok! Women today are narcissistic toddlers and I’m not a baby sitter. I love myself and I’ll stay single. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze!

My biggest problem is that I don't have anything to say. On a date or literally anything else I would vr happy to just sit and listen to everything and anything the other person is saying all while sitting and smiling back at them. I can ask questions but generally I find it extremely difficult to even make jokes or put myself out there to begin with. I'd rather just sit and listen to the other person rant about anything.

Is there anyone else here who has literally never been asked out or gone on a date? I’m pretty content with my life; and from what I gather, I am pretty social. I get involved. I have goals. I don’t have an expectation to need to find someone to “complete,” but I would definitely love to find someone to share life with who has similar hopes and goals. I feel like I am ready for transitioning into a new phase of life, but I have no one to share it with.

About “codependency and depending on another person to live your life”: as my true purpose is to be a husband and father, I’m aware (after 10+ yrs) I have to ask the important compatibility questions when chatting with a potential partner.

One of the weakness of an #INFJ is perfection. Often it is brought into relationships. We want all our relationships to be perfect and work on them like projects. We know it can be tiring, so we keep that circle small to maintain our energies. However a time comes when the choice of a spouse needs to be made. Then the conflict between the project and the mind begins. This is my counsel to fellow INFJs...Find your place in God first, and the spouses will come. Our spouses are not our projects and we should never make them projects.

This video was really groundbreaking for me. I come from a Trauma and full time carer background so hearing a clear and rational reasoning behind why this is so important, and from another INFJ makes all the difference in how I can now prioritize this and implement this into my life! Thank you so much for sharing ❤️

This is the way. This woman knows stuff.

I haven’t been single for more than a year at a time in my adult life. But I often chose “projects” instead of equal partners. Part of the reason is because it’s hard to find someone who “gets us,” who we are also attracted to. And we don’t know what type of person is actually compatible with and complements our personality. Right now I’m dating an ISTP and we get along great. A decade ago, I would’ve been close minded and only wanted to date N types 🙌🏼

I want to be stronger to protect others, Kind enough to sacrifice, and wealthy just to give it away. But for myself I haven't found anything. I just don't have a goal for myself. I'm far from selfishness yet soo selfish to give away everything to what I believe is right.

i cant help but feel the sense that the next woman i meet is going to save me from the monotony of life because ive been single for over 10 years and i havent been successful at dating whatsoever. I think i have to make a movie about it.

Sometimes people actually just are careless and I don't vibe with that

But sometimes I also wonder if I want to play this game of in a relationship. Being single Is like you are always in a balance and in a relationship it is another element that you have to maintain balance for. Focus on yourself so that even you lose a relationship you don’t lose yourself🌸🌸🌸

Same as the comment below. Perfect timing. I was thinking about whether I should stay single or not, and why it's so hard to find "the one" and you know, the whole INFJ thing. I'm currently interested in someone who lives in another country and that was actually my question. Like, do I really like them or am I just dreaming about this fictional life that may or may not happen, where I feel like my life has achieved a purpose? The life where I sacrifice my freedom to choose where to go, what to do, where to live, because I always put their before mine. You've answered all the doubts that have been haunting my mind these days. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Holy shit, I’m mind blown! Thank you so much for this information I’ve struggled my whole life with my love life and didn’t understand why, this has opened my eyes and made me put less blame on myself 🖤

I knew my husband on the internet. Been together for fourteen years. Now I am convinced that I should never have married, TO ANYBODY.

Well, for 1 thing, we live in the Western world of which the vast majority of the population are shallow and promiscuous as can be so the vast majority of the Romance material people are on the other side of the oceans but I was blessed enough as an INFJ to find my soulmate in an INFP.

This video was like a slap in the face (in a good way).. everything you said fits the bill.

Yes, you are definitely talking about me as usual.

As little as I know about the subject: Because they (or we, I don't know) understand that what they see is not the only thing there is. Let the desperate settle.

If I'm happy by myself, there is no point in messing it up.

Be happy as if you're in the play ground doing what you choose and enjoying it

I have tried helping people, but it was only for the reason that they wanted to keep up with me and to know me better, the typical relationship stuff. They want to know me, because otherwise they feel I am too distant or not serious enough when I am already giving my all in my strange and relaxed sort of way. I reveal my inner workings to them, but it seems I am too confident with myself, too straightforward and too deep. I can understand that, because I often feel like I am the worst nihilist and the greatest humanist all at the same time. Due to this deeper understanding I can handle serious topics without becoming overly emotional about it, which I can understand may come off as heartless, but in reality I feel for it with all of my might. Some people get it, but most dont. I understand fully that I cannot reveal myself or become a savior, so I just let it be in the hopes that it will work itself out, or that the person is able to operate when all that is holding them together is a piece of mental duct tape. Even if it is like a car engine slowly breaking down, I can only watch and wait for the inevitable confrontation. I dont need to lift the hood to know what's wrong, but I'm not allowed to anyway, even if they themselves desperately want it. And so I am driven to reluctantly reveal myself and to try and "fix" the person, because otherwise the whole relationship falls apart, but people do not like when anyone starts tugging at the deepest parts of themselves, and that is where my troubles lie. Damned if you do, damned if you dont. I may seem cold and closed off, but it is a conscious effort from me, and it is only for their sake. I cannot help them, because I would be disassembling who they are, and they fear the pain of being put back together again. My wisdom is apparently beyond their understanding and so they fear me, for whatever reason. They feel as I do, that they simply cannot understand me even if I tried explaining, and I can see how shocked and disappointed they become when they find out it isn't the simple answer of trauma and depression that they wanted. I have had a relatively normal life, even. Because they cannot understand me, they then try and read too deeply into things as an attempt of regaining control, when I am trying to be as transparent as possible with them by revealing all of my weakpoints, a thing which they themselves wanted. I only wish that I can meet someone who can stand on equal footing with me or at least not be frightened by me, and it really does feel like asking too much. Unfortunately, nothing else will do or else the same drama will just keep repeating itself. I am driven therefore by necessity and not for any reluctance to settle; settling is what I have always accepted as the only answer, only for it to spectacularly blow up in my face. Oftentimes when I reveal myself to people, it really feels like instead of them trying to comfort me, it becomes me trying to stop them from getting depressed, and the funny part is that even then, I have the strength to handle it. This is the kind of strength which has me constantly rotating therapist and psychologist alike, because they keep switching jobs on me, so there is no point in going to them anymore. What else is there then but to accept and laugh at the absurdity of it all?

In my head the standards aren’t that unreasonable: appreciate one another, take interest in what what the other loves, treat each other with love and respect, please communicate, take accountability if you mess up, have SOME self awareness so you know where your messing up, pour into the relationship because it’s a give AND take, try to understand the person you with. Try to deal with bad situations without being abusive verbally and physically. Don’t put each other down in front of others. And please be open to understanding to learn what healthy boundaries are needed in a relationship. Be loyal to your partner(absolutely no excuse to cheat). Be honest. I feel like I’m not asking for much but maybe I am. I would love feed back.

What an amazingly insightful video! As amazing and revelatory as the video content is for me, the comments are equally enlightening! 🙏

Is so hard to like life, i just don't like anything at all. The only thing that i care about is having someone to share things and to take care of them.

I’m 51 and still without my person.. I gave up on the idea and moved on with my life in my early 40’s..I have a career, my own place and I adopt my son because I always wanted to be a mother.. now I can’t imagine allowing someone into my life.. it’s not worth the energy or disappointment

Great times with solitude and celibate is the best way to live this life. Got it and I will be ready for tomorrow.

Because we're spending all out damn time watching these videos, trying to understand ourselves. Not all the producers of these vids like us.

As an older person who has been through 2 horrific marriages, i have thrown myself into education and into taking care of my mentally ill mother. Today i have been successful by obtaining numerous higher education degrees and by caregiving my mother for over 13 years. She has died from a long crippling disease. I am still alone. I have been viewing your station for the past 2 years. When i attempt to apply your suggestions i still fail at relationships. I am at a time in my life that i really want a relationship for all the right reasons. I have done many years of therapy and have also become a therapist. I can treat others on their relationships and thought i was finally ready to find a healthy relationship. Just call me discouraged. Thank you for your station.

I am single too! Whenever i like someone I already imagine my whole life with them and growing old together but then when I get to actually know them and they don’t fit what I have imagined them It breaks my dream and I choose to be single.

Adopt a pooch and visit the dog park at different times of the day. Simple airy talk to other dog lovers is good enough for me

Hi I'm Jaroslav 42 and single. That journey did not disappoint me. I don't want to change. I am reconciled to who I am. Thank you for the lighting. I try to interfere in the lives of others only when necessary. Otherwise, it's manipulation. But seeing someone's happiness is really satisfying. Like a drug. Laughter. It is the same with sadness or grief. There I think twice whether it is right to intervene. We cannot deprive them of experience. We find someone callous and emotionless. We don't care what he thinks of us. Finding balance is a long way. The relationship would bore me. Duties I don't care about but make a girlfriend happy. I'm not into it. Sometimes I scare myself when I feel that.

My Twin and I are INFJs. We alway know we were different. This past Nov we moved in with each other, as roommates, after 20 plus years apart. It’s not easy. Getting a little taste of what I put people threw. Lots of learning going on, in are household.

I realized this. I'm working on myself after leaving a 10yr relationship where I lost myself and because I went in with nothing, I left with nothing. Fixing that. I wanna enjoy some single time and getting to a solid point in my life that a relationship wouldn't derail my life again

Went from being married to an ISTP to in a committed relationship to an INTP. My INTP definitely says I’m quite deep and probably would be a bit too intense for some types who like to keep it light and easy. I will say it is so much easier being my authentic self in the latter relationship. It’s fun being in a relationship where we consciously talk about our relationship and what we need to do to grow together and individually.

you wanna know why? because growing up everyone told us that everything we did was wrong and every day of our life someone tries to get us cancelled because we were born... and then everyone agrees with them and youre the enemy of the state.. life is impossible and people suck...

INFJ Suffers alot that's how I feel today.

I just turned 33 on the 1st; and I had never heard of INFJ- but you spoke to me so much just now I cant believe it thank you so much for your message

Its kinda frustrating me, I hope I get past it

Oh, girl. You know, and you know a lot! Thank you for the video of today.

I had to actively avoid getting in relationship in my mid twenties, so I could focus on myself and stop finding myself in toxic relationships....it was hard! There's always been someone knocking on my door so to speak. Maybe I'm not INFJ after all? I married my first boyfriend after that self imposed "personal growth" single period, not even a year into single-dom. I promised myself he was just a friend too lol I got ENFJ when I took the test in college but since my therapist of 4 years insisted I was an introvert, and it does make sense as I NEED my time alone, I figured INFJ was it, the test I took in college did show me towards the middle of the spectrum on extraversion/introversion, but I've been told that ambiverts aren't a thing so... To know oneself is a tricky thing it seems!

This is important for any and everyone. You should have a life you love and are secure and happy with yourself. Before people are brought into the mix. You should look for a companion that adds to your good life. And you add to there's.

I am not lowering my expectations, they can find someone else. I demand purity and faithfulness from a woman.

8 yrs done that, I just wish I'd found all this earlier in life 56 but still amazing the accuracy, thanks for sharing ☝️✨️

A few reasons I can see from a non-INFJ perspective. ONE: Too idealistic. You are growth centered, but here's the crazy thing...so are other people. The same people that have a few immature facets will eventually grow out of them. And having patience and realistic goals helps. I noticed that unless an INFJ's friend/partner isn't ON THE EXACT SAME growth kick, it's like it doesn't exist. My INFJ bestie was so happy when we did cardio together or did unpacking together, but when our growth goals became different....it's like they felt I was stagnating. That's not cool. TWO: Making bad choices when spiraling outta control. Some types burn out in a dignified and quiet way. NOT INFJs. I can relate because my type has similar negative function stack. Things like substance abuse and random hook-ups to escape mental anguish are common. But that's a rough hole to crawl out of, and even really wonderful people coming outta that sort of trainwreck are NOT ready for a healthy relationship for a while. Our bounce back time is...long. THREE: So stubborn, so hard headed. I'v never met a more stubborn person that hides how stubborn they truly are. The very best filters. The very best compromiser. But deep down you don't agree. Deep down you fester. And then you do this, 'door slam' thing. That's not healthy. So communication is probably your very worst trait. Even if I put it as number three, it really needs to be tatood backwards on every single INFJ's head. I don't care if confrontation is hard for you. I didn't ask if life is easier if you ignore others and let them live with an idea or trait you HATE. I am going to offer you advice that seems insurmountable, confront people. Become comfortable establishing boundaries and questioning ideas you don't respect. INFPs have a similar issue, they have these core values and traits. They WANT their inner circle to agree with them on many issues. And as horrible as the INFP is at establishing boundaries and confronting others, they still do a better job than the INFJ. Because the INFJ is so mature, so reserved, so helpful....I doubt many people have the audacity...the sheer lack of social nicities to bring it up. But I do. I have no shame in my game. I do it from a place of love for the INFJ, and years of observing ya'll. My own mother being the most prominent INFJ in my life. What I'm trying to say is you're welcome.

Because we are blunt independent strong and intimidating

Oh my god...you are actually right...now i realized it.