They hate you if you are: 1. Good 2. Bad 3. Religious 4. Non-religious 5. Obedient 6. Disobedient 7. Something 8. Nothing/ anything They just want to keep you in their web of abuse till their end.. Period!
@@mammadingo9165it’s very tough it depends where your at mentally but just know if you do help then he will never appreciate or value your efforts it’s only for your own conscious as he will not have one
Exactly he left me 2nd time on new years day 3rd time islamic new year , bcoz of non sense argument that can be fixed… he choose to let me suffer instead of celebratingand being happy 😢 they r really devil’s angel sent from hell 😂😂😂
Laughter is a great way to connect with others but in order to connect with others, you have to be willing to be vulnerable. Narcissists can't stand that.
They also have a scarcity mindset. They believe, "if everyone else is happy, there isn't any happiness left for me". But never do they experience any true happiness. All they experience is the empty high they get from their supply, which they need to keep sucking in like a black hole, otherwise they collapse.
My mother is a narcissist and she was very abusive to my Dad, siblings and I smd when she was in her bedroom and would hear us laughing she would say we wouldn't be laughing if she was in there with us and go into a narcissistic rage. We couldn't laugh when she was around us because she made us so miserable and walking on eggshells
My dad was the narcissist, and my mom was the sane person. Some time when I was about eight years old, my mom told my dad that I was more of a man than he would ever be. When she told me about that later, I took it very seriously. Over the years that helped me to see through a lot of garbage, and to be brutally honest with myself. A sensitive child from a bad environment, who has insight, can grow up to be vastly more mature and wise than a child who grows up in a healthy family. Danish, you yourself are undeniably a prime example of this phenomenon. And you know what -- after having watched many of your videos as well as those of others on this subject, it seems to me that, in spite of the enormous complexity of this psychosis, narcissism can be neatly summed up as "a personality disorder that develops as a coping mechanism for individuals who are aware they never grew up, but are in denial".
@@caroleminke6116 I'm pretty sure that is what happened to my dad. From what I gather, his father was a wonderful man. He was a carpenter, and got killed when he fell off a scaffold. My dad was eleven years old when that happened. This pushed his mother, who probably already had narcissistic tendencies, off the deep end. And so, my dad's emotional development ended at that time. I am the youngest of three, and for a while my dad and I got along fairly well. But as I grew up, I had a very strong, original personality which he could not control. He acted somewhat timid around me, and my mom told me that he was afraid of me. Being told by your mother that your dad is afraid of you when you are still not even grown up yet feels weird. One day when I was in my twenties, I looked in the mirror and a weird feeling came over me. I looked at my reflection, and I knew I had seen that face somewhere else. I dug up the wedding picture of my dad's parents, and there I was.
@@jbrown2908 You know, my dad and his family were so toxic, but if any of them woke up and apologised within minutes of dying, I would have had no problem forgiving. But right up until the moment my dad died, he was shooting off his mouth blaming our mom and all of us for his stupidity. My sister told me this because I stepped out of that picture years before. My dad died in 1998, and to this day I have no idea where he is buried or if he was cremated. That sounds heartless, but most people have no idea how toxic these situations become and what you must do regardless of what others think.
@@nohomo4774 I'm glad you mentioned that, because I always thought my mom was one of the sanest people I ever knew. Probably was. And many others who knew her well, including her siblings, felt the same way. However, the "man" she married was, according to her, an exact duplicate of her father. Does that make sense? Happens all the time, and I have mentioned to Danish that maybe he could one day do a video about that very toxic dynamic. My mom's father died when I was about 5, but I never knew him. Her parents eventually divorced, and as sane as my mom was, I'm sure the childhood stress messed her up in some subtle ways. There were 9 children in that family, and she was very close to her younger brother, who was killed in World War Ii. I was the youngest of 3, and my mom told me that I was an exact duplicate of him in every way. In fact, I can look at a photograph and know what he is thinking. But I found out years later that when her dad died, the oldest brother showed up at the house to tell her. She very callously said, "So what? That son-of-a-bitch has been dead to me for years."
Really a head trip when both parents are Narcs. My covert father played the "good" one against my overt, sociopathic mother. His mask came off when I finally saw the truth of him and confronted him on it. Then he turned into a petulant, sulky martyr.
They find no good in others. They are fault finding machines. I am still afraid of holidays. I kmow what i xan expect. First it was my younger sister then. My mil. I used to think what was wrong with me. Coz no one supported me. I wasted so much time in my life suffering at thjer hands. Now i understand why it is. All ur videos gave me hope and halped me
What an insightful way to describe how narcissists with religiosity in effect are often practising blind faith while insisting that their own understanding of god is supreme as if they are god himself or herself. It is as if they are constant insisting that they had the right to re-invent religion itself only to suit themselves.
Oh my! The Holiday disaster's I could tell you! At the end of my Narc marriage, I would not even go to his mothers on ANY holiday, esp Christmas!! For the last 3 yrs of my 19yr marriage, I refused to be present at Christmas or Thanksgiving. I'm so glad to be completely free of all 3 raging Narcs. Husband, his son, and his mother. My nickname was " the other other white meat"
Yes cut them out yrs ago, they can't even behave for the sake of their young kids whom Xmas is for and about, glad you quit that misery, all serene here at Xmas, who doesn't need healthy energy to tidy up after Xmas without having to have to shake off almost needing to call the cops again! 😊
My Ex's people called my a "N" word to my face, multiple times, entered my home when we weren't there and took cleaning supplies, food, etc. without asking. Treated me like less than their hired help. After I left with nothing, his mother (Glendora from bewitched was HER nickname) was dying of cancer and they asked to use my airline passes for one last family trip to Hawaii. I acquiesced with sympathy. My employee at the time, sent 11 of his family to Hawaii (some first class) for less than $800 total. They refused to pay and it went into collections. These people owned a brand new Mercedes, vintage Porsche, airplanes, a house on a Country Club golf course and multiple times shares. His sister sent me the cheapest flower arrangement as a thank you, one palm frond, one bird of paradise and one anthurium. I would have rather gotten nothing. I have deep scars from being too nice and not verbally defending myself and MY heritage. You are not alone. I am so thankful I don't have to do holidays with assholes anymore. The thing with dysfunctional families is that they just replace the person that escapes. They will tell you they YOU made them act that way, but it's not true. It would be so funny if you hired a singing telegram to dress up like the Tuna woman from Chicken of the Sea and ring their doorbell on Christmas and do a little song and dance about the other white meat. Can you imagine the look on their faces?
@@bewarefalsenonprofits oh my! I'm so proud of you for surviving that and growing strong yourself!!🤗 the "mermaid sing-a-gram" is hysterical!!! However, my MIL died after I left my narc and I have no idea where the rest of them are. I am free! Great idea though...and I enjoyed the laugh while picturing it😂😂😂😂😂 PS: "Glendora" is too funny.
There are two ways of saying something. Someone can say “When I look into your face, time stands still” A narcissist would say: “You have a face that could stop o’clock” Thank you Darnish From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
😔idk why these kind of people instead of healing their own wounds are making others life hell...may any miracle happen someday and they could live life like a normal human being. They spend their whole life and just do one thing...devalue humanity 😣
Last week, when I sat to write my resume, I was totally blank, couldn`t write anything. it shattered me apart. I started suffering heavy pain, breathing problems, my face and eyes got swollen, I couldn`t sleep since 3 nights and can`t keep eyes open. in the morning, I decided to ask doctor for sleeping peel so i can sleep for some hours. But suddenly , i don`t know what happened, but I recalled everything that I was the person who had worked hard to setup and made growth of the company which he runs today .Although everyone other than family members knows about this, why I didn`t I never even acknowledge it? because I was never appreciated or valued for that, I am away from work since 10 yrs, and continues devaluation turned me into my shell. But today like hidden sun came out of clouds and spread its light and I could first time ever realized that I have already established and ran a successful company. However, today the situation is I can`t even make a call to office....I have heard that when every door closes, each hope dies, God comes in any form to save you, guide you. Should I need to tell in which form God had reached out me and guided me?......... 🙏
That was your Dark Night of the Soul. It's all clear to you now. Focus on your own journey forward only. The worst is behind you. Go with peace and understanding that you are a bright shining light in the world 🌎. Exciting things are ahead of you. Blessings 🕊️💜🤗
Hang in there, eat well, rest well, vent too! It wanes I promise, you're in schock and it'll pass, you're stronger than you know, keep watching and learning, this stuff is fascinating, you're ok, trust us, move on, cut your losses count your blessings, be free!
They keep you in the gaslight zone and make you think the success is all them. They tell the lie so much that they believe it’s truth. You had the success! You! But they keep you from seeing that . I’m so glad that the light broke through to where the truth was hidden down inside you. Celebrate your victory! 🌸
My daughters narc ex used to spit the dummy just because we held Christmas at their home 2 years running, why do we have to do it, he went on and on, at that stage my daughter didn't know he was a narcissist, just thought he was having a sook, I can't thank you enough for sharing about these horrible creatures, supporting from Queensland Australia 🇦🇺🥰
I watched my girlfriend laugh without moving her mouth, over and over. Actually frightening. A chortle. Her face didn't move. And she could NEVER laugh at herself.
My soon to be ex husband accused me of an affair I didnt have and then wanted me to beg his forgiveness. He would beg cry scream rage for me to confess so that he could 'forgive me.' When I refused to do so we went on a year long Hell spiral. Divorce is almost over thank God.
It is all so painful to hear you say these things, as they all apply to my mother. She hated Christmas and birthdays other than hers were blown up if not completely ignored in the first place. At about 8-9 years old she gave a big party for my classmate, neighbor *because her mother was in the hospital at the time. FOUR days later was my birthday 😢 Nothing 😢 I kept waiting all day. So finally mentioned to her that today was My birthday. Never looked at me but side-spoke that 'you just had a party '!! No mention at friend 's house that it was going to be my birthday soon. And, I was aware not to say anything about it either. So long ago. Often think of that on my birthday 😢😮
sorry sweetie. oh man. so sorry you had that. I had a mother like that but in a different way, was gleeful if I got hurt and she actually wanted me to die she was so jealous of me. nice to my face and told me that "I was her favorite" but it was just to get me to tell her stuff so she would have ammunition to spread to the family and neighbors about what a bad person I was or am or whatever. hated me and was so jealous. I totally understand and get it. I hope you are taking active steps to heal and to realize that YOU DESERVE TO LOVE YOURSELF and the proof of this is that GOD IS IN YOU AS YOUR SOUL so you are WORTHY AND GOOD AND ALREADY LOVABLE. we don't have to give up who we are to be loved by anyone. We are worthy already. hope this helps. I'm healing too. Bless you. (and late Happy Birthday! 🎂🤟💌💜
@@JustMe-uu3bhThank you! I haven't had many birthday wishes in my life until my recovery work. I know I'm worthy. It's been a very long journey with many successes. Just sad that I never got an 'atta girl ' ever. Jealousy still confounds me that it comes to a child from a parent... This example is but a tiny one of so many right up until her passing. My life is my own and I do what I like and don't explain to a soul. Learned who's who in all contacts and act accordingly. Maybe I shouldn't be consuming these videos, but always learn something. I find them fascinating. But, also triggering. I struggle with that. If it helps just one person to relate and heal, may be worth it. Happy birthday 🎂🎈 to you,too😅
nice that I got to see your reply since oft times mine seem to get "deleted" or "something" the jealousy thing is weird I know but I met a woman (I was waiting for her signature on something in her house, didn't know her but had to get her signature) and she had a 5 year old daughter and I'm not kidding, the woman started complaining about her 5 year old climbing up on the woman's bf and she told me, "I told her to get her own man!" - it was something to that effect and I have to admit I was shocked but she meant it, like this little kid was her "competition" when it was obvious the little kid had no daddy in the home. It did help me to see that yes, it is a reality and I had never ever acknowledged it in my mother but I had to start admitting that she (my mother) was talking to any man in my life behind my back and coming onto them. how do I know? they all told me and none of them knew each other so I had to also realize it was going on. I was in such denial, I guess to be able to keep pleasing and seeking approval from her (my mother). no matter. these videos DO help and yes, they do remind us of things, right? so in that way, maybe it is good, helps us to acknowledge that it did go on but with the new awareness we still have to SUPPLANT and REPLACE THESE OLD MEMORIES and CLEAR THEM OUT by AFFIRMING FOR WHAT WE WANT. This is what I have learned. The past can no longer control you if you change your expectations or in other words, CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS. We do tend to recreate what we know and are familiar with until we change these beliefs. I am with you, I do this work on me all the time, day in and day out and it is getting better. last thought, I hadn't thought of this before but on my birthday around my mother, I was the one who always bought everyone gifts and I used to thank my mother for not flushing me down the toilet, she would laugh but isn't it funny that I would thank her for allowing me to live? I was serious but joked. God bless you, Sweetie, keep going, we are meant to WIN. @@summacumsoap8983
@@JustMe-uu3bh thanks a bunch for your reply. Your example here shows that this sick behavior continues and likely will. I have been working on myself for a very long time. Our brains are like computers and can kick out info long stored. My favorite aunt passed at 100 years and still recalled not so fond memories from long ago. Good stuff too. Point is we can be triggered. Everyone is different with different experiences and healing histories. I prefer to enjoy to the fullest each day and every experience. We do our best. Trying to avoid the toxic ones is best practice. Thanks again for the time to reply. I wish you the best life going forward 💜🕊️🙏🤗
Especially true of narcissistic mothers... Constant jealousy and competition. When I learned that I was pregnant with a girl, I had a major breakdown because I was so afraid that I would be like that too. Happy to report that there's no risk of that for the empath. We're generational-curse breakers! ❤
Narcissists see innocent gestures of kindness, beauty & love as perverse acts becuz that is who they are. Love urself please; don't let them demean u. Individuality is a beautiful thing
I like the 5th the most because my narc mother in law was the very same.she will never allow any good events or festival to be celebrated peacefully.she'll create fights or act like sick make us unhappy but after all sorts of nonsense she will be happy and she will be the first to eat and enjoy our unhappiness.
my sister (who later sold me out for $$) and I used to have a game we played, it was a secret between us. but I would go to my mother and say, "I don't feel good, blah blah" and within maybe ten mins. or so my mother would come down with something to take the attention off me and place it squarely back on her, now "she had a headache" or "she was feeling horrible", but even as a kid I knew she was like this and she hated me for that. oh well. it is what it is.
Danish I grew up in a home where the head of our family was covertly hating Christmas celebrations. Or at least that was what my mother told us was happening. I began to realize that narcissistS sometimes seem to be all playing in their immaturity from the same 'playbook' when a professional who happened to be a narcissist too hated a poem of mine so much he then told me that I was a danger to the public and threatented to have me committed to a facility for the insane. NarcissistS are constant applying their double standards only in order to be constant confirming their biases. That poem I wrote was to confirm the innocence of most people on both sides of any conflict which involved violence meant to represent the interests of one side over another. Sometimes that violence in the past was beong done only to reaffirm the superiority of man over woman in general. People who are narcissists demand perfection from others while insisting they are already perfect enough in each and every way from how they look to how they do everything already in a perfect enough way. Unless we are a bit on the disagreeable side we do not see the red flags that someone is a narcissist soon enough to recognize that they are taking advantage of us.
5:00 it also seems like they cannot understand why people do not laugh at their jokes (not funny), and are very envious when people laugh at others' jokes instead. they would rather believe other people are conspiring against them or not laughing for them on purpose than accept that they are not funny or someone else is more skilled at comedy.
This video was the most healing for me. I looked at my life with the narcissist from another point of view. He always accused me of... of everything basically 😁 And I tried my best to convince him I was not that bad. Now I understood that he realised it perfectly. His abusive behaviour was an indicator of his seeing me successful and beautiful 👌
100% well said!! On my experience, my so-called parents - narcissitic 💯 & for their attention seeking narcissitic trips they expected me to make them look good "this is our daughter because we're so perfect look how she turned out thanks to us & our upbringing "so they take credit for everything despite they did nothing positive in my life:both so negative & only used me as their manipulative narcissitic play toy... Treated me badly but had the nerve to pretend they did so much for me? Never supported or encouraged me as they pretended(badly) that they cared but it was never about me & they just used me as if I was their "pretty pet poodle" there for show to show off to suit their sickening agenda
I met a covert narcissist at a religious convention 6 years ago. It is God Himself who led me to understand the evil behind the mask. I appreciate channels like this who shine the light in the darkness exposing it where the darkness loses power from the exposure. Additionally, it is only recently I learned a "religious" narcissist is not only jealous of a true believer, but of God Himself. Absolutely mind blowing!
Ain't that the truth! I learned having watched gladiators on Netflix, a chapter on narcissist and looked on Pinterest as I wanted to load and needed 5 subjects, choosing health as one, schock of my life, I'm 62 and still going strong, whacked all over 8of course married one but I've this devil by the tail and he knows it!
When I finally had a boyfriend and was happy, my mother took him aside for a private interview. Two weeks later he dumped me and I fell into a deep depression. She loved it, saying “You’re a goddamed pain in the ass when you’re acting this way”.
I had beautiful long blond hair. Her compliment was, “I like your hair, such lovely snakes!”. Her own hair was very thin and she often wore wigs to work. She later bullied me into having it styled into the shape of the wigs she wore. I looked horrid.
I can actually laugh about it now, but I know firsthand what it was like to experience his envy and hatred when I would receive a compliment. My late husband would introduce me to someone he knows and they would say, "She sure is pretty Joe." Oh boy! That opened up the floodgates of his wrath towards me. I would endure weeks of horrible name calling and being yelled at simply because someone said I was pretty. I hope more people open their spiritual eyes and truly see what these creatures are. They are of their father....the devil. Praying that everyone here receives peace and joy. ✝️👑🙏🐑🤍
I know, very true. I have stories myself and it is always them trying to make sure YOU do not feel good about yourself otherwise you might wake up and run away! it is to keep you believing that you are "less than" and "not so hot and all that" as it detracts from their importance. I honestly believe it's both. one, you might start realizing that you DO have value and leave them and two, it bothers them that the focus shifted from them to you. at least this is how I feel and I experienced it a lot. I could NEVER get one compliment, without it being reframed and explained away as to "what they meant really" or made to change my clothes or a top I was wearing, etc. it's all to keep control and what better way than to keep making sure that you constantly feel bad about yourself so that you feel "so lucky" and "privileged" to be "with them". I had no idea in those days but I was always so unhappy and never smiled or laughed. I really believed I was somehow "defective" and so allowed criticism, I was so used to it.
@@JustMe-uu3bh I want you to know that I, and many others, know exactly what you're saying, and have felt exactly as you did. Isn't it wonderful that we have been freed, and given life again? I have no idea what would've happened if Dad(God) and Jesus had not stepped in and ended his life suddenly and unexpectedly. I am beyond thankful and grateful, and will forever be in their debt! Sending you heartfelt prayers for peace, joy, and love beyond anything you could envision for yourself. 🤍🤗🌻✝️👑🙏🐑🕊😇
lovely response, thank you as well for your blessed good will being sent my way - I am still enmeshed in a narc situation currently (not a relationship per se, a roommate who I rent from in her house and while I see now what this is (narcs and control, etc.), I didn't wake up until just a couple years ago and it all started coming to light....so I will take your good wishes for me as I am currently extricating from this situation and then, no more! it's been such a long time in waking up in regards to this, it is evil for sure. I send you the same, stay happy and knowing you are completely deserving of all good and that God is your *our, Source in all things. God bless you! @@kmstins
I always wondered how so many people around me would compliment me about my singing voice and quick sense of humor…. But never the narcs, unless it was my dad and I was entertaining his beauty salon clients. But alone with him no laughs …
Thank you. This has been very confirming and validating. It’s hard to even think your parent could be jealous of you. You shame yourself for thinking it, even though you’re being logical in your assessment. If it was any other person you wouldn’t second guess yourself.
I was so relieved when they tested positive for covid two days before Christmas and couldn’t come round. I know just how terrible that sounds but it’s the plain truth. (They were fine btw, it might even have been a false positive test.)
hate to say it but maybe they faked it to avoid YOU. either way, YOU WIN. my roommate who is a super narc likes to ignore me but inside I just GIVE THANKS TO GOD because it is a relief.
@@JustMe-uu3bhWhy would they be avoiding me? Honestly just curious. I was their supply. I was never anything but kind and nice to them?? (For the sake of someone else). While they were relentlessly vicious to me for years on end??
sorry Drew, it was just a thought, doesn't mean they were avoiding you, it was most likely their test results - I was sort of kidding. all narcs love people who they can control and who are seeking their approval, it makes them feel important. I am sure you are and have always been kind and nice to them - just focus on yourself and keep watching these videos and if you are unhappy with the way things are, look to see how you can change it. I am working on healing myself so that I no longer ever attract another dysfunctional narc. God bless you, take care. don't take what I said personally. I am sure you were great to them. @@drewb5845
I did answer you but my comment got deleted? so I will try to be less, "censorable"? I was just kidding sort of. maybe their test was "positive" and it was true for them so they stayed away but either way, we have to wake up to realizing that we do not deserve to endure narcs and that we do not need them, whatsoever. we have to heal and "dis-engage".......God bless you, hope you see this. @@drewb5845
Just yesterday my father had his birthday. They bought him a cake at his aged care home..he complained that they cut it up, he got a piece, then shockingly 'cut a piece for everyone in the room as well! (oh dare they!), It was my cake'...he expected everyone to sing happy birthday and then sit and watch him as he stuffed his face 😲 and no he hasnt got dementia..since my mother died (who would bring him into line) he doesnt seem to know or care where the barriers are. Three years ago i mentioned the cake i had bought him was gluten free so i could have a piece and he kept looking at me eating saying 'is it my birthday, or yours?'... no more cakes and presents from me anymore. He doesnt connect it to his actions and insults. Sometimes i feel guilty as he is 84..im trying to be a good daughter, his mind goes to places mine doesnt.
I agree with all but the last one. My Dad is a Narcissist, I only realized it last year 2023. Every abuse I’ve experienced since I was a child is because of it. The only thing that wasn’t true is that he always loved the holidays especially Christmas he went overboard for Christmas. Christmas was the only really good part of my childhood.
My ex is a covert narc. He always made excuses for others success. If they appeared to be wealthy it must be because they received an inheritance. Or if they had a successful career… “it’s all about who you know” or he would make fun of the college they went too behind their back. When I wanted to go to college (after supporting him through his masters degree) he refused to allow me to and said that I would never earn enough money back to make going to school worth it and then told me that I needed to get a job as a lunch lady at our kids school. He hated for anyone else to have attention…. wouldn’t even let my kids talk at the dinner table- he would interrupt every time with a dumb joke or story and would do anything to prevent them (or me) from finishing their story. He ruined holidays and other special occasions as well. If I looked nice he would say something like “you going to meet your boyfriend?” He would especially make that type of comment if I was wearing leggings or shorts to go for a run. He always made little remarks that sounded kind of like a compliment but he was implying that I must be looking to meet up with other men. If I was ever talking to anyone else he had to know what we were talking about. He would then find a way to separate that person from me and he would spend the rest of the night buddying around with them. He would literally stand behind me when I was talking to people and shake his head no and make the crazy sign behind my back to make what I was saying unbelievable. He would always find ways to humiliate me.
When I got a new watch and showed it to my narcissist brother instead of giving me a compliment he said “ I don’t wear watches”. When I got a classic corvette and offered for him to drive it he said “ It doesn’t have airbags and that’s dangerous no thanks”
My brother and my niece are both Narcs. So is my DIL. So basically I have to live with a Narc. My niece who I'm a caregiver for is crazy. My brother or my DIL aren't. What is their excuse when they stand before God? They don't have one!
Do you know whats so concerning is that there seem to be so many people who know people like this. Why are there so many narcissistic people? Is this more of a problem now than it used to be? Did a lot of generations get affected so badly it turned out a lot of narcissistic people? Where are they all coming from? Thanks for the video. Remember a lot of these from childhood.
@@dianaprince3176 although my mother was one and that was long before social media and a couple of my aunts are too which they claim their mother was one so that's going back two generations before internet. Maybe all the childhood trauma from wars etc created a lot of them too.
4:29 listening to this bit, I just realised a) I’ve never heard my father truly laugh, only snicker at mean things b) he is very disdainful of humour and silliness I have always loved cartoons, I love them to this day, and I have so many memories of him watching me with contempt as I laughed while watching them as a child, and to this day I try not to bring them up around him to avoid seeing him sneer
On and off with a nark for years but now just friends.ha ha. I now enjoy seeing how he wants to belittle me as he has no power now. I lol a lot and look good, he gets so annoyed with me. Its certainly not boring. I may be a nark myself.?
After being with mine for almost 30 yrs (now 35... A ticking time bomb 💣 you say?) and having him endlessly ask me to repeat a neighbour or their kids' names were I said enough, don't ask me anymore, you can't remember because you don't care, geez already!
Every narcissist that I've personally known, has lacked a sense of humor unless the joke was at someone else's expense (especially if the other person suffered a mishap or accident). A former "friend" invited me to go away for my birthday 5 years ago. When my b-day arrived, he sabotaged the plans we made and acted out all day long. The trip was his idea!!! I ended that friendship immediately. I also understood why he can't keep a girlfriend! He's definitely a narc, and I think his father is too!!
I've seen this so many times in my life. I remember my then Husband planning a nice day out, that he'd then destroy. He'd turn it into sheer misery. We'd try and eat sandwiches we brought with us, and they felt like sand, or cardboard in our mouths instead of delicious. It was all our fault, we'd ruined it for him, again. He'd build us up for a great day out, and then drain every last drop of enjoyment out of it, and we'd have the most miserable drive home were we were crushed and feeling guilty about some fictitious stuff we'd done to spoil the day he'd carefully planned and paid out so much money for. I didn't have a clue about Narcissistic abuse back then. I barely knew that word or what it meant. So, I'd buy into it and believe I needed to do much better in future, and get our Children to behave better. I remember he'd pretend the car had broken down, and he'd deliberately touch the HT lead and be in severe pain. I found out later he was trying to induce a heart attack right in front of us. He wasn't just a Narcissist he had 'other' things going on as well. We ended up on the run from him for years. But my thoughts on days out or some kind of a Holiday soon bring back very painful memories. Always him at the center ruining everything, and bringing everyone down as well. We'd all be so happy, and with a few choice words we were crushed and miserable. Looking back, he couldn't stand to see us happy.
Thank u so much danish ur helping me alot to move on for 5 years of abused and now it seems all the 5 years are just wasted. Thanks god for showing me the truth and sorry for the next supply hope u find out soon bcoz now he bcome more needy and monster of his own narcissistic mind Set. 🙏
@@summacumsoap8983 thank You, Dear Human! Sure, it does help to see others, being there for others . 🙏 Wishing You easier, better, smooth way to ⚖️! And peacefulness. I learnt, with which types not to even befriend, and which to remove,if shows red flags. I appreciate self, but hard to return to arts. Somehow, until my Therapist does not validate all, as Friends or Family does not listen, or busy with own stuff, cannot seem to fully get rid of "junk memories" I know, it is a waste of time, to be in past. And we are not, I guess. Just when SG triggers, all our internals are bitter and painful, stomach , throat, and we cry. My guess...as unseen, unheard. My inner child. I am a wonderful Mom to be, but cannot fully heal my inner child. I need an outside source, I keep hugging myself, but doesn't feel like a hug. :D In these forums, supportive comments, make us feel good, that informing others, so they will not suffer that much, will avoid more ... Also, minimising events, near-death situtaions and joking about any experiences, might make us feel as funny, and more potent, more in control, than the Abuser was. It doesn't work. It's their kind of joke...the wannabe. I shall not be wannabe. We should just...be. Potent, healthy, happy, independent, and impenetrable by hurts. Real strong, but still, for gentle people, soft and understanding. So hard to transform...(I'm girl)back to woman, as we have to become stone solid, and harsch to self-protect and life protect...
@@anettszabo108Dear Anett ~ first, big Congrats on being a Mom to be 🎉 All that you express shows how much you have worked and put effort into finding answers and putting the past where it belongs. I think some things really are in the Present, when they pop up w/o warning. The realness is how it affects our present. Just like an old pair of jeans served us earlier, they're now in the trash 🗑️. I try not to let these memories take up residence in my head rent free. It's a struggle depending how I am feeling at the moment. I think maybe it's a lifetime battle. We do our best. I have no doubt that the new baby will be all the better for having you and your hard-gotten knowledge to draw from and not repeat old, bad patterns. A bright future you have to look forward to is exciting 😊 Many Blessings to both of you 🙏🕊️💜
@@summacumsoap8983 I dare not to say that anything is "forever" ...or has effect on our feelings always and any time... But let us say, it is like a body training. We gain power of mind, and sometimes sore, needing rest, to not train every time, but with the resting, the benefit of training shows only (like the weight loss,does not happen without sleep). Mental resilience does not happen without joy, effort-and mental training free, life loving days. In nature, preferably. Hopes shall be ON! :))) Oh, I am sorry. Did not want to use such a crappy English...Mom to be, I meant multiple ways, but not literally. Excuse me. (But it's so decent and helpful, this attitude, btw from that side. Thanks.!) Meant like...(1) pretty old. 2 yrs to finalise background, to plan a kid, because first "has to" be delivered before 40 (don't want amniocentesis to do). (2) I'm with Mom attitude to All, have been over-sacrificing for others, but hard to Mother my inner child. Self-love , care,is real poor. Only could start to protect myself, stand up for myself, by making myself believe, it's not me. I was imagining my Kid self, outside of me. "How You would react, if these things would be done against Your kid?" Otherwise, I would have stayed forever in the mental,physical abuse, as for others cared only. What is Your insight, how You were able to go on Your way out, how did You get power? What started to motivate the Self-care?
@@anettszabo108Oh, I understand. Completely. You do have good mothering instincts. So, would be a wonderful mom. First, as you say, must be to mother your inner child and be easy on yourself. To answer your question. How I got better was radical distancing of myself from the situation. Physically, moving thousands of miles away. Another topic for another video, but at age 12, I couldn't walk. Verified results of how long term abuse affects our health. Autoimmune disease kept me sick (and on my own anyway). So, after some time, I managed to leave. Now, decades later, I am a renowned athlete and my legs are my best feature. Without knowing the terms, I inately knew that things were not right. Now I have a vocabulary of both medical and psychological terms to explain my earlier existence. Doesn't matter really, as the results are the same. What helps is knowing that there's more light shining on this terrible blight on families and society in general. Within one year of leaving my F of O, I was off all medications and continue to be in remarkable health. I wish you the very best going forward. You are on the path. Love, Light and Blessings Unlimited 🤗🙏🕊️💜
I refuse to go on any holiday with my mother in law again. It was a large family gathering in a large house for as many days as you wanted to be there. She ruined it for everyone. Criticising as soon as she got there, where are the hand towels! The look on her face was enough, disapproval. She caused a scene with her sister. I bought a bowl at an op shop, what do you want that for! She didn't want us to enjoy ourselves. It was organised again this year, same place. We didn't go.
It's sooooo sick! My mother acctually says to me: ooohhh..that thing that you like, love or discover it's not good..or fine or anything...and she buys that piece of something(clothes, gift) for herself she steals the idea... she kills my idea(personality), me, her daughter she gets the attention and the applause for something that told me is awfull...or you shouldn't do that or you shouldn't dress that way, shouldn't buy that
I am freed from my narcisistic husband after his death.But I am facing lots of chaos and negativity after his death from his narcisistic mother and sister.They are blaming me for everything because my husband had told all negative things about me without my knowledge on WhatsApp which they are showing everyone as a proof that I used to harrass him a lot.But thankfully everyone including our neighbours,and many more people around him know that how his behaviour was worst with me.But his mother and sister are not accepting the fact and torturing me using those whatsapp msgs sent by my liar husband
#2-5 describes my mother and ex to the T. They both hated it when i laugh and am happy. After a long absence ( a few hours or days) my mother's first words to me are critical and she's more than eager to make a jab at what i wear. Sometimes, she would give me the silent treatment. For both of them, it was torture to offer a compliment or celebrate someone. My ex HATED Christmas.
I don’t believe I’m a narc but I grew up not celebrating holidays. Therefore, I see it as a commercial thing not as a celebration for religious reasons. I have participated and tried to make it a beautiful thing in the past for my ex husband and kids. But I still feel is commercialized.
They hate seeing others succeed. Because they view life in black and white, if someone succeeds the narc automatically fail. Therefore, they need you to fail so they can feel like a winner (even if they haven't done anything successful.) I've personally experienced jealousy and hatred from family and colleagues because I was achieving the goals I set out for myself, so I've had to cut ties to eliminate the drama and passive-aggression.
Now I understand why my children's step dad was super nice to them when they were little (ages 3, 6, 8) and turned on them like a rabid animal when they started getting older. I hate what that monster did to my precious boys. And I hate what he did to me leaving me feeling crazy and unable to get away.
How did we end up with such unhappy people? Were we so happy that we didn’t see such unhappy people approaching us. I didn’t find it to be strange when they approached me.
I love to see the look of horror on my mothers face when I tell her I am happy and content. how can she gossip about me and make everyone feel sorry for her if I am happy?
hahaha this is so funny. well, not really but ironically funny. no real happiness but pretends to be happy to reflect whoever they are talking to and interacting with to get the approval. the narc I am exposed to does pretend to "be happy", talks loud on the phone to let me know that she has "friends" and "has places to go" (which I am supposed to ask about) and to want what she has. I don't. but she does. so I am very undercover, VERY. why? to avoid p*ssing her off. heightening her suspicious nature of whatever it is she thinks that I am doing. seriously, it is so obvious but I pretend I don't notice, I had to recently cut off my hair, it was down to my waist, she was growing hers long just because I do.......but I had to cut it all off due to circumstances (dread lock mess, long story) and what happened next day? she went to get her hair get all cut off, same length. everything, everything I do, she copies, buying what I buy, same clothing, same item, same makeup (she had gone thru my bathroom to see what I bought but pretends she doesn't), it's down to groceries even. this narc is sooooo afraid I will have something that she doesn't so I pretend I don't have anything but she still even goes thru my trash to "find out things". so I take my trash to stores, parks, community trash cans, etc., if it is personal at all. she gets mad at everything and is pissed off normally all the time, so I just act like a mouse, like I am nothing, I do nothing, I have nothing. she is just like my mother so I know it is me that has to heal, I recreated her in order to heal that relationship. something I just discovered recently is that I do know she (the narc) is a thief (they all are) and I found that she took lids to my pans (we share a kitchen) and silverware......before it was a dog harness (she does not have a dog, I did) that she took, just the most stupid things, but it is to either punish me and she wants it so she takes it or whatever. I am waiting.....when I move out, and she is away from the house (otherwise she will totally stalk my every move as I pack), I will take back the things I know she took from me. they just practice evil, that's it in a nutshell. if you do not obey nor worship God, then what do you have? nothing, but you only serve that gigantic ego and that is a narc. total self absorption but they will die someday and they will meet their Maker and they all fear that the worst, the loss of their youth and reality sets in. In the meantime, don't give up on your healing, it is meant for you to WIN IN YOUR LIFE. affirm and give thanks and include God as He will help you. again, thanks. sorry if this is too long. I am worthy of winning in my own life and I am taking back all my power to succeed and to be happy. God bless all.
The pastor that was in my life when I was growing up actually told me and I quote: “You have to BE a mother TO your mother!” Right. With no role model. Been no contact 9 years now! Praying for all of us!!
I've noticed that a lot of narcissists I know have qualities I wish I had. They are charming, attractive, likeable, and know how to kiss ass or promote themselves with ease. And yet they are still hateful towards me, even when they are more accomplished, privileged, and have a lot going for them. Absolutely mind-boggling. Shouldn't I be the jealous one? 😑
