For some reason James gives me dad advice vibes esp when he said "Just be you ! because odds are theres a guy out there who would like a girl just like YOU!" .... i felt that ❤ ....
5 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT GUYS 1. Guys don't get hints 2. Emotional expression is tough for guys. 3. He needs "me" time. 4. Guys' brains are like boxes. 5. Guys really care about your personality.
1) Guys don’t get hints. 2) Emotional expression is tough for guys. 3) He needs some “me time”. 4) Guys brains are like boxes. 5) Guys really care about your personality.
Juice Boxx And guys say we don’t know how to communicate it f we have to rely on hints and clues. I agree with them. If we are going to communicate something we need to be straight forward about it. I rather do that than send hints and clues.
I am an ISTJ female (Myers Briggs Test). We're known to mentally "think like a man" (aka "in boxes"). If a guy isn't straightforward about his intentions, then we actually won't get it and move on. Clarity is SO important to us especially when some dudes want to play games with our hearts.
@Tina I'm ISTJ, and the first three "guy" traits in this video are very typical of myself as well. The forth used to be too, but my thoughts became more global/connected in nature after a stressful event leading to a breakdown several years ago. I can still "compartmentalise" but use it more as a protective/coping mechanism rather than a typical way of thinking.
Women need "me time" too. It is healthy for both parties to have independent time away from each other. I know I personally find it stifling if the guy is super needy and has to be with me all the time. Space is necessary in order to appreciate each other!
With the feelings one, in my previous relationship the roles were kind of swapped. He was way more in touch with his emotions and able to articulate them in a healthy way. I grew up in an atmosphere that discouraged safe processing of emotion. So our relationship opened up a floodgate of emotions I’d never dealt with. He really helped me voice my emotions in a mature and vulnerable way! Just throwing it out there because it can be swapped around depending on upbringing or personality.
When I got married, I didn't know most of this. But after 5 years, and lots of conversations where I asked 'why' a lot, I get this stuff. We have a joke in my house, 'the motorcycle won't start'. Its from a funny story we read where a man and woman go out to dinner and the husband is quiet, they have a nice time but the woman is worried. She keeps asking him what's wrong and he says nothing. And she goes to bed upset and writes in her journal this long detailed thing about how something is wrong and he must be upset with her. Then we see his journal. "The motorcycle won't start. I wonder why." And when we are both having days like that, where we aren't sure whats wrong or don't know how to explain it or its simple and we need to work it out for ourselves before divulging, we say 'the motorcycle won't start'.
wiccanrose18 I LOVE THAT EXAMPLE!!!! I shared it with James too. Now I'll have to remember "the motorcycle won't start" - that's such a great example of how girls read into guys quietness. I've done that so many times!
Me and my boyfriend experienced exactly the same thing some time ago! My boyfriend was quiet and I started wondering whether something was wrong, even to the point that I was afraid he didn't like me anymore. But when I asked him about it, I eventually found out that he kept thinking about why the satay sauce in the supermarket was placed in a different shelf than all the other Asian food when we did grocery shopping some hours before. I really thought it was so funny the way differences between guys and girls was pointed out.
Personally, As a man, I am fully tuned into my emotions, because I recognize my responsibilities start first with knowing myself. I cannot fight the good fight if I am neglecting a significant portion of my being. However, when you say "express your feelings", note that does not equate to the guy becoming a female in terms of expression- he does not need to, and for the best should not, adopt the feminine ways of expression. That leads to problems. He should communicate in ways she can understand, absolutely, but I find most marriage helps seem to focus on changing the guy to fit the girl. One flesh, yes, but it should be a meeting in the middle, a true combination.
No hints!! We are not women!! Just like women are not men. Yes, some women do Calculus...but.... Happy/Blank/Sad/Angry That's about the max!! Two weeks later we feel the emotion. We are Independent! We can't be in a relationship if we're not alone sometimes, to appreciate the woman.
I see a lot of these characteristics of men as strengths, women present these traits as weaknesses, it harder to hurt a man emotionally and physically because of these traits, women present these male characteristics as weaknesses because they can't do them
More on the point about hints...actions speak louder than words, but actions can be misinterpreted. Egos and self-esteem is on the line. Too many people would rather deny than admit.
Chicken Nuggets Amazingly introverts can be great public speakers. Because it's not face to face, person to person interaction. Your interacting with an entity. IE an audience.
Crypto Jihadi That may be so but Im the type of introvert who doesn't leave the house unless they have to. I can hardly speak in front of my family, let alone the public!
A B Probably.. I mean when I see people like her who call themselves introverts, I'm not judging them as they know themselves better than I do, but I find it so hard to believe.. I was just thinking how outgoing and extroverted she was! I think as well as introvert and extrovert, there should be a "novert" category :p
Not to pick on anybody or otherwise make fun of them, but every time that I watch one of these videos to get some insight into how women view men, it always amazes me the kind of misconceptions that women have about the opposite sex (And, yes, I know that you ladies think the same thing about us - it’s true, we men are clueless.). The two things that really jumped out at me was: (1) the lady said that many girls don’t seem to realize that men are human beings just like you that actually have feelings instead of being the unemotional robots that you seem to assume that we are (actually, THAT explains a lot of puzzling and/or outright callous behavior on behalf of girls now that I think about it.); and, (2) she didn’t realize for a while that guys actually care about personality - as if we would actually be thrilled to date someone with the personality and conversation skills of a tree stump as long as she looked good (Ahh, now THAT fact explains a lot of weird/awkward/bad dates over the years.). I think that I will leave it at that. Thanks for the video; it was entertaining at least.
It's true! There are so many misconceptions girls have about guys and guys have about girls. It's amazing how different we can be, and is so important to talk about! :)
Awww, yes Krisi! That's such a tough thing to work through! Not sure if you've seen it, but in case it's helpful, this is a video I did about my own journey through anxiety: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ltZLuoxDuJg.html - Praying God gives you strategies that can help, and brings peace to your mind!
Lot of people change their boyfriend or girlfriend before getting married. I never understood how someone who has feelings could let someone else to hugs or kiss them or give hugs or kisses then forget everything, and try the entire process again. I find it quite mechanic. Perhaps this could be the reason behind divorce, just like anyone would struggle to steal for the first time, and that struggle decreases with number of attempts. Consequently it becomes socially acceptable and adaptable.
Yes!! Isn't it such a difficult thing? I think we as women are often taught (sometimes subconsciously) from a young age, that we're not supposed to verbalize what we want or need. It can be hard to break that cycle! I know my mentors and counselors have really helped me learn how to do that.
I need a guy that definitely needs me time, because I need me time. The guy I was talking to(we never quite made it to dating) never understood that. He wanted to be together all the time. One of my friend who recently got married keeps telling me I will go through the same thing as her where she basically dropped all her friends for months when they started dating because they had to be together all the time and it didn't get better till after the wedding.
My husband really does need his personal wind down time. Sometimes we’re even in the same room, doing separate things. One of our biggest things has been adjusting to each other’s methods and time frames of relaxing - especially after work or a long day.
The hints point is more important now than ever. With the MeToo Movement and sexual harassment allegations ruining men's lives....I once had a girl ask to work out with me, ask me out to coffee, ask me out to her spot by the water and then hug up on me while we're both sweating from the gym...and after all that, she told me, "Did you get the impression that I was into you? No, I was thinking we're just friends!"
My guy loves how much I chatter away! I always thought that was impossible and I’d have to learn how to quiet down. It’s sincerely refreshing to be with someone who enjoys me as I am. ☺️
I'm now 58 and my husband and I just celebrated our 35th anniversary. We ended up reading "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus" together about 20 years ago and boy was it mind opening. I had no idea how differently men and women truly are.. Even though I'd been married for over ten years at that point and had four sons. Every teenage (and young adult) girl needs to read some of this and really really see what is going on. It will make relationships make a whole lot more sense... I really appreciate your videos and will point young ladies in your direction!!!
This is hands down the best video on RU-vid in my opinion. This explains the problems I had with my relationships before. If all women were aware of this then there would be much less misunderstandings. Now I have someone that accept me for who I am. Thank you very much for confirming this. I always felt like I'm the one who was doing something wrong. But now I am sure I was not the problem.
Okay so I get that there’s a lot of advice on internet and RU-vid, but y’all give some actual solid advice. Honestly y’all are so wise and articulate your words in such an amazing way! Gods using you guys! Keep it up!!!
Omg I loved this. Yes guys love love your attitude when your nice and calm. It's a mental fight but I try to be my perky self with him a lot because he loves it. And of course they don't know how we feel unless we say it. Men and women are so so different. Great job!
Jessica Kika guys and girls really are so different! These things have been so helpful for me to learn! And I hear you - I've definitely tried to learn how to calm myself down a little when we have serious conversations. So I'm not exuding stress lol. James definitely appreciates that!
An honest way of saying guys don't "get hints" should instead be guys cannot "read minds". There was zero hint given in your example of a hint. But it's a very valid point, thank you. I do really appreciate emotions. And I can shed a tear & empathise with the best of them. But where was it commanded that emotions should always trump logic or that it should be catered to. What if it was said that, "Being in a relationship with a guy is God's way of helping a gal get in touch with her logical side?" We never have that conversation. Delve deeper into why that is. Men should not be treated & spoken of as the defective sex. It does neither sex any favors.
Love this video!! This would have been so helpful when I in know teens! So relatable about how women and men look at things. Love the examples! - Est X
Tiffany Dawn your videos are great. I hope someday I'll get married again. Still hurting after a five year marriage ended in divorce I didn't want. I think my ex wife jumped the gun thinking divorce would make things better. They don't. God bless you and your husband for making these videos. It gives me hope.
first video i’ve seen of you two together! you’re so compatible and understanding of each other’s learning curves ... like how u come to agreements about these types of topics is outstanding. it’s nice to see a couple communicating and agreeing online. Praise God! hope to see more from both of u, you’re wonderful 🙏🏻
No, it doesn't take us longer to figure out why. It takes longer to figure out how to say it to a woman without her getting defensive or attacking back.
I loved #4 with the whole "box" thing. I've never thought about it in this way, but it's so on point, lol. Having it put in this context will help me be more mindful about what exactly is going on for future situations where I'm thinking.. ?????????? Haha. Thanks! XD.
I'm so glad that could be helpful!! My mom has said that my dad has a "nothing box" where he can literally be thinking about nothing. It's so crazy -- I wish I had a nothing box!! Haha
This was also an eye-opener to me when I first heard it in Matthew Bogg's advice corner. He compared men's brains to a house with different rooms - his example was that when a man is thinking "Wow she's so pretty and amazing", it might be hard for him to listen to what the woman is saying because when she stops and expects him to answer, he needs to run from the attraction room/ box to the listen and talk room/ box which is quite hard ^^ so sometimes it is admiration that makes guys not listen as attentively as the girls wish them to. That's a comfort. It was good to hear from you, Tiffany and James, that this compartment thing also applies to areas of life. Actually it must be a strength to be able to bottle up one box instead of letting it spoil all the mood...
So insightful!! Rly helpful in dating season :-), especially learning how to follow the verse “love is patient”, coming to understand the opposite gender
What u were saying about waffles and spaghetti is SO TRUE!! If something goes well in this part of my life, everything is going well, but if something goes wrong in this other part of my life, everything is going bad lol
THIS VIDEO IS GREAT. And if there is a woman who comes on here and tries to downplay these things, we know who is single. Just take these tips and apply please.
That's why I had to break up with the last girl i dated. She was passive aggressive whenever there was disagreement and wanted me to catch clues and key words and all that mess instead of just telling me even after i asked. I took it as playing mind games and possibly some other guy in the picture and just walked away
I really appreciate the two or three videos I’ve seen from your videos I’ve seen from you two. I appreciate that you addressed the double standard with modesty and how mean people can be about a topic that should be addressed with love ,which I think you did.
I highly recommend reading "For Women Only" and "For Men Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn! Even if you are not currently in a relationship it helps explain why women don't understand guys and guys don't understand women.
Or, What Women Want Men To Know, by Barbara de Angelis. Incidentally, a man can only be in one box, or room, at once. If he's in the wrong room, the woman has to haul him into the one she wants to talk about, or make an appointment with him, yes, really!
I like how ur husband explained how the moods work for men, with the boxes because it makes sense now. Great vid guys keep it up! I learn from your videos!
A lot of good points in this discussion. About men's ignorance of their own feelings: it may have to do with the brain or it may have to do with the way guys are brought up. Or both.
Guys do need me time, that's good! For guys this could mean going for a run, long motorcycle ride, getting away from others, decompressing alone or with buds.
Lol when I was in 5th grade, my grandmother told me to stop being so talkative because guys don't like outgoing girls, only shy and mysterious girls I rebelled, naturally. Nothing stops this motor mouth! 😄
Really enjoyed this video. The cerebellum part of the brain for women is larger than a man's. This is a major factor why men aren't as good sharing emotions as men are.
Man you two are just awesome!!!! I agree with everything y’all have mentioned! I can’t even express what I’m feeling right now, like I can’t find the right term to describe how much I agree with just everyyyything! 🙌🏻😍
CarystheHat CarystheHat I love when he comes on videos too!! I wish I could have him all the time, but believe it or not, he finds filming tiring!! Which is crazy cause he's so good at it. So I just try to ask him on occasion so I don't tire him out lol. I'm so glad you enjoyed it though! It would be so fun if we all got to hang out one day!
OMG! I am a girl and I have a lot of qualities of men..e.g. It takes me a while till I know why I am mad. The other is I need a "me" time... I feel worried
That's totally normal! Like we said, these are just generalities that apply to a lot of guys, but not to everyone. Everything is unique to each person, and their personality. One of my girlfriends watched this video and said the same thing - that she totally related with the guy point of view as well! :)
Owwwee thank you girls, Amy and Tiffany for replying to my comment God bless both of you. Btw, Tiffany I love you and James and your videos. They are helping me especially the topics you guys maid about sex. When I was a child, I was sexually abused by a really close relative of ours and that's why I kinda hate anything related to sex. You're vedios are helping me thank you
Lara Fuad A lot of these things are also influenced by culture (which in this case is neither good nor bad). You may have been around people who led you to act in certain ways (again, not saying good or bad) or you may be someone who doesn’t follow what culture normally dictates and that is totally fine. The most important thing is to remember that you’re a beautiful creation of the God of the universe who loves you. Yes, thanks so much to Tiffany and James! They are so encouraging and truthful. Hopefully we can all have friends like them in our everyday lives.
That is awesome, I was married at 30 and separated 7 years later and divorced a few years ago. Mainly happened because I didn't start learning until after we were separated. Why so long between, party because I was in prison party because you have to be separated for 2 years before you can apply for a divorce in NZ. So now 45 and I will definitely be doing things differently next time including waiting for marriage before....
1. I get hints all the time, like, all the time: When she takes out her furniture, toiletries, and changes her mailing address, you might have troubles or "need to talk". 2. I always express my emotions: "I feel I am hungry. I feel I need a beer". See, two emotions expressed. 3. What is "me time"? 4. "Women's vs men's brains" narratives, are pervasive, injurious, sexist, misogynistic and dead wrong. Read reliable peer review, scientifically sound books and journal articles, you'll learn something. 5. "Guys care about personality, IDK that" are you 9???!!!
I told my current girl friend, back when we first started seeing each other; "I don't get hints, and I failed mind-reading in High School, and then missed the make-up exam. So if you want something, just TELL me!" I have NEVER been able to figure out what women want or are thinking. Sorry, but I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas Tree when it comes to you ladies, so help a guy out here!
I have watched a few of your vids. Despite what the viewer's religious beliefs are if any, you guys still put out a good bit of solid advice. Good stuff. Thanks
I have a question in mind about #3, how much time is a healthy me time? Sometimes my boyfriend does not respond to my texts and I think that “Oh maybe he just wants time for himself” But after a few hours of not talking I begin to get anxious and negative thoughts come in. I really like your videos, by the way!
Oh I'm so glad you like them! And what a great question! I think a lot of it depends on the person and relationship, and how serious the relationship is. Maybe it would be helpful to share with your boyfriend about the anxiety - letting him know how you get anxious when you don't hear from him, and asking/hearing what those moments are like for him - a conversation like that might be really helpful to ease your anxiety and build your relationship.
I'm a woman, and I think I might have boxes. If something doesn't go well, I just move on and do something else I can do. It helps me cope if I can't control something - I just go and do something else. Otherwise, I'd never survive. Lol.
