5 Tips for Dating with a Mental Illness | Kati Morton 

I love that interpretation!! SO true :) xoxo

Kati Morton I really appreciate that you bring your expertise to the general public in such a cool way. Thank you.

Brianne Nurse I think that is a really interesting point and point of view! And I think there is a lot of truth to it.

Thank you for this!

This! Yes!

👑

Congratulations! For both of you. 😊

Thank you so much for sharing :) It gives others hope when they need it :) xoxo

I'm so confused... I hear everyone say "love/fix yourself before loving someone else" and then I see posts like this. So should I stop listening to people saying that? Because it seems like plenty throw that rule out of the window and yet are in happy relationships. What the hell am I supposed to do?

mrshmuga9 Please don’t assume that my marriage has always been "happy" - whatever that means. We have persevered through many trials and tribulations in this time. The point is that, with work and perseverance, it can be done. It has required a great deal of patience and sometimes sheer determination to pull through the difficulties and keep it together. Ours is not a fairytale romance but it is very real and what society considers successful because it has lasted. At times I’ve found myself clinging to granules that most would consider irrelevant to keep it together because I’m fighting my mind and nature and he’s not typical in that he has a heart and love for me that I find inexplicable. Not everyone is worth the fight and divorce has been a specter looming many times over these years but we have built something comfortable in this time and we’ve learned a dance of giving and taking as needed. I’m not an exemplary person with BPD/mental illness - I have had most all of the problems one expects, but with age and time things have mellowed and I’ve remained mindful and had the privilege of being loved by someone who began with no understanding of what he was getting himself into. It has not just happened magically but with tremendous work, sacrifice, and humility. Not qualities/traits that come naturally or easily. But it can be done. Wishing you the best xx And thank you to everyone who has extended their congratulations 💖

I am so glad it was helpful and it sounds like you have an amazing boyfriend :) xoxo

Kati Morton he certainly puts up with a lot 😂😂 💕

The Gman82 hey, I know this wasn’t aimed at me to answer but I feel like maybe you should take a look at your relationships! Are they meaningful and what do you want to get out of a relationship from friends etc. Maybe defining what you want out of connection might help you move forward. And of course being open and honest to that people about what you want and need is also a good idea. I hope this helps 💕

Kati, could you please cover this again with more emphasis on someone who is making good progress but is not already in a relationship but would like to be. Especially someone who lacked confidence in school and later was derailed by severe bipolar two and got a late diagnosis. only had one real ro.antic relationship and that was in college. Am mid 30s now and really want to find love, but having hard time get courage to try. And at what point do you tell the other person. Help please!

The Gman82 I feel you man... I've been in the same situation. What's gotten me (partially) out of it is working on myself and challenging myself to try new things. I for instance had massive social anxiety and i ended up studying social work to try and improve that, facing my fears everyday until they started to pass. It's just important to be open to change and to be (truly) honest to yourself. The same works with finding and building a relationship. The more you practice the better it gets :) If you'd like to meet someone try going to places that you like (for instance: library, museums, cafe's, shops, etc...) or places where people practice something you like (think hobbies like musical gettogethers, drawing/painting clubs, a parasailing group, everythings got a group off people enjoying and learning from one another). People like having something in common. And if conventional means don't work try listening to your friends and start up a online profile. I don't know where you are from but in my country OKCupid, tinder and happn are quite popular. There's a whole plethora of sites out there. Just be honest on your profile, make sure you've got a acceptable photo and message away (just dont be rude ;)). And don't forget that there are always people willing to listen ^^ Hope it helps and you find what you are looking for! Peace!

So true 😢

How old are you?

please give advice on how to do this, my boyfriend takes days to himself cause of his depression which i completely understand and respect but sometimes i overthink and always put into my own head that he just doesn’t wanna talk

@@adrionagarcia157 I give him his time. I know he'll answer sooner or later, then I just say "hi" or something like that as a little reminder: "hey, I'm here if you need or want to talk"

Marriage rates are at an all time low anyway

@@qjtvaddict closer to 0% for boderlines lol

@@Chris-jr2nu fuckem all 🤓

@@Sor9ry426 💯🤘🏽

Sandra W Do what YOU need to do...it is so great to see a comment like this. Taking time to stay single and work on yourself is a hard choice to make when it feels like everyone is getting married and having kids etc is a brave choice to make. You rock, and best of luck working on what you need to work on! 👍🏻

If you're often in toxic relationships , maybe it's not them

Willy Loman I’m so glad you’re in therapy now (me too) and I agree that the whole statement is really damaging. I internalized it the same way for years and hated it so much because I hated myself and thought that meant I must not actually love anyone else and it messed with my head a lot and made me feel like an awful person. Thankfully I’ve sorted that out and realized that isn’t remotely the case...I really hope things go better for you and therapy goes well. 💜

I’m in that bandwagon right now. Thank you for telling me this!!!

Hell no it isn't. Several of my friends keep cycling relationships and hurting others while then turning back and crying about how they don't know why they keep doing it.

I agree I have severe anxiety and depression. Self hatred will probably be with me for the rest of my life because it wasn't right in me as a child. I can learn to love my life and myself but there will always be that chaos in my brain. If I went by the you can't be with someone unless you truly love yourself I'm going to be single forever. As long as I don't try to put my crap on them or start useless fights over being insecure and recognize my insecurities then I'll be fine. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life alone because I'll never truly 100% love myself.

@@MrJimShorts Yep. So true.

Hi 💕 you still there?

You okay?

Miss Gianna, i am sorry to bother you,idk if you will see my comment but i would like to speak to you about a similar situation i have with my girlfriend , and its starting to hurt me seeing her trying to push me away because she needs her space(and i want to give her that and to make her healthy) but at the same time she wants me to be her friend,talk .... And this happaned cause she broke up and in a matter of weeks we fell so in love (and its true she is the one,imo) that we didnt discuss those problems from past relatioships and herself Can you or anyone help me with this,i would really apreciat it (SRY FOR MY ENGLISH)

Mental illness is hard. But you will find the right person who knows you and knows how to support you. Stay hopeful.

@@amyturner2034 thank you very much

Get on meds

@@burgermister7580 meds gave me type 2 diabetes and ruined my life

The only cure is you

Yay! So glad it was helpful :) xoxo

They totally are!!! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo

I just want to say that I've got the same problem, it's hard to stay confident, when you meet sb new and there's no way to hide it. I often remind myself that if the person have issues with things like that, I really don't wanna know them that much. I value vulnerability and compassion.

Sam Kirk I have found that people kind of mirror my reaction. If I act like it’s no big deal, or if I’m honest and say I don’t want to talk about it, people have been pretty receptive. Also communicate your needs. Do you need someone to help keep you accountable by removing the tools from your room or checking in? Do you need space? Do you need them to not bring attention to it? Tell them. But I’ve never been in a really serious relationship so I may not be the best example.

Yesssss. My ex boyfriend has a mental illness and he pushed me away because he needed time ans space. I love him so much and I hope he comes back to me

@@elisaalaniz1570 very true. Its like they are somehow protecting us from pain. Lets hope that once they are better they will come back to us. No plans on giving up on her, always praying for her to get better. 🙏🙏💞

Morgan Elliott I’m not trying to advertise my channel here but I was actually planning on putting out a video next week on this (specific to after trauma, not sure if that applies to you or not). It felt to me like I was starting back at ground zero after a lot of stuff that I went through and like I knew nothing. If you feel like it check in a week on my channel and that video will be up. But regardless I understand what you’re saying, I’ve been there, and I hope you’re able to find the resources you’re looking for. 👍🏻

I experience the same confusion, and I'm in my early 20s. I've never dated anyone because I'd never had feelings for anyone. However, currently my best friend and I have been talking about getting together. I'm now able to feel something for someone and I can say that, for me at least, it does come somewhat naturally once you're able to experience the feelings and intimacy. But I think that also heavily depends on the person. I think it helps to start out being friends and to build that trust, understanding, and caring aspect before you consider an intimate relationship. If possible.

My dating techniques are SO unhealthy, and I think it has to do with lack of exposure in my early teens too, due to an unhealthy social life (practically non-existent). So, I too feel like I missed out on some crucial learning experiences and would have avoided many mistakes I've made. Now that I'm healthier overall, I can observe with a keener eye how those first interactions are more healthily developed. What I'm finding is that, at first, that "I like you" tension builds slowly and organically with your friends and your friends' friends. Then, I've seen it depends a lot on each person's curiosity level. Some twelve-year-olds start obsessing over being kissed for the first time, what it's like, etc.etc. and others aren't interested until they are older or less shy about it. Everyone's development is unique. What will be, will be. It has helped me to not take my process too seriously and take baby steps. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there for fear of making mistakes.

Morgan Elliott couldn’t have said it better. I can relate. Im almost 30 and I look around and I’m like how did all my friends just run into someone and marry them at such a young age? So I tried dating and it was like learning to ride a bicycle while drunk. Just can’t seem to figure it out

I personally think romantic relationship is just like any other relationship in many ways. Just as in any relationship (friends, family etc) it’s important to practice open communication (the tools of non violent communication have been an enormous help for me) and to share about expectations about the relationship. Also it’s important to recognize many of the things that makes relationships strong and healthy are using learned tools and skills that require attention, time and energy to develop. That said, I’m 22 and I’m just in my first relationship but I’ve been practicing communication skills and coping skills for my mental illness for much longer than I’ve been with the person I’m in a relationship now

Samantha Taylor Welcome to the Community and congrats for seeking help! ❤️

Awe :) haha!! xoxo

YAY!! xoxo

SwanSong lol i was at school when this was uploaded.. where do you live??

+Mehtap Gozukeles Australia! :)

SwanSong aaah thats so cool! I'm from the Netherlands 😅🤗

+Mehtap Gozukeles the Netherlands is awesome I plan to go when I can save up

I woke up to this and it's really helpful before my pysch classes

I just hate when they say that, its like they are not going to get better. And I also think that they just dont want us to suffer because they are also suffering. But for me I am willing to stay just as long as she stays with me and tells me everything that is happening to her.

Evi - went through this recently xoxo

+

I actually have a video about grieving the loss of someone to suicide.. I think it could help even though it's not online specific. xoxo ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Tj8DXLnURZE.html

Same

Oh finally some good news here!🙏👭💞💞💞

agree- great video above but I also had that happen just yesterday with my partner making the threat. :-( had a friend check on him and he was ok.

Sylvia Jacobs it sounds like you’ve dealt with so much loss lately...I am truly so sorry. That is so heartbreaking to hear. Dealing with depression would make a lot of sense. Have you talked to him about it (if you want to stay in a relationship with him?)? I have struggled with depression and withdrawn in my relationship and it almost ended it, but communicating what was going on allowed not only the relationship to continue but also to deepen and he actually was able to help me through a lot of it and reach out to me when I was in those dark places. Best of luck to you. 💜

Ur dead inside and only wen u come alive can u be loved so until then mah fren u b a dancing corpse of thyr lize so u kno let them go at leest ud becom so beautiful instead.2020

So glad it was helpful!! xoxo Yay!

Kati Morton ❤️🙊 i love your channel and I watch it daily

aedivian-- I feel this way too.

If you're a woman all hope is not over, men dont generally mind dating shy women. The other way around though it just aint happening, women dont like shy men

That's not true. Plenty of women like shy men. You just have to find someone with the same interests as you. Like my brother enjoyed biology, and so did his wife. She became a nurse (and is very outgoing), and he worked in a mail-order pharmacy for years. Just like with any relationship, you need to find someone who is compatible with you, and the shyness (however extreme) won't be as big of a deal as you might think it is right now.

"i know a friend of a friend that likes x" has no scientific or statistical value. I've read numerous studies on the subject and the broad picture is painted in a very different way than your subjective opinion/experience. Gender roles and expectations is a real thing. I'm not saying no women like shy men, all I'm saying is that they are a very small minority, it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

All I was trying to say is define yourself by what you enjoy and want in your life, rather than by a perceived negative (shyness), and you'll find it easier to find someone ... if you want to find anyone, that is. Best of luck!

that's why i will never date