No contact can be therapeutic only when your doing it to fix yourself and not attract your ex! Remember that ...I lost my sanity(still do) thinking ohhh if I do no contact I will attract them again ... and the truth is you don’t need toxic people in your life , you don’t need people who have dumped you , find someone who appreciates you
i fucked up and broke no contact and it hurt like hell. However, with a girl with abandonment issues, i had to do limited contact instead. NC now though, since I got what i needed to say out.
Things I can work on... 1. Work on my body, hit the gym more. 2. A more positive vibe 3. Be strong mentally and try not to think of the ex as often. Work on me 😁
worked on myself - new built body - new friends - new job at pharmacy - graduating soon - got a scholarship - learned a lot of guitar - meditation - reading - limited access to cell phone - no contact yet still no sign of my ex
@@chilla939 Just created another vk account and texted her back she missed me but tbh she slept with so many dudes during this period and she was single again but cuz of this I refused to be with her again so we decided to stay as friends, some guys might don't mind if their girl slept with dudes during their break up period, but I understand that no contact can work even for such long periods of time.
AGoodQudsi If you have new friends, new job and new hobby, you can easily find a new person to date. I am stuck because all people at my job are women, and all of my friends are women, so I can’t find a guy anywhere except public places, which rarely works.
If he apologizes you'll again start growing feelings towards him and that's not a good thing trust me... Best thing is just FORGET and believe that there are WAY better person in your life to look forward to
because tanishq do they never get karma for what they have done to us ? Or they never feel our love back? And I feel my ex behaviour is like a covert narcissist. 😭😢
@@priyaakshita334 of course they would but for that you have to develop your self... Trust me I've been on this situation and I felt like world was over... My ex was a textbook example of the word narcissist (so much so that I didn't understood the meaning of this word until I faced her and her BS) that much of a narcissist she was... But hey I just did the wise move and walked away and completely ignored her and started working on myself and looked out for new people, and experiences... There's a movie The Swingers... It really gave out a message: When you truly work on yourself and move on for good, the magic happens and that is probably you get a call from ya ex.. anyhu just believe in yourself and just COMPLETELY ignore and look out for people or someone who'll treat you like the way you wish for.. trust me everything gets better with time... Personal experience
I honestly don’t want my ex back. I just want to stop caring and not attracted to them anymore, because my ex was a really beautiful girl, so it’s hard.
Ex just reached out! 3 weeks after breakup plus 5 weeks of no contact. Not sure what’s going to happen, but I’m using the skills I’ve learnt over the last 5 weeks of detaching, self soothing and self esteem work. I was anxiously attached and became needy. The old relationship is over. This is potentially the start of something new. I know so much more about myself and my attachment style. I don’t need my ex. I don’t need anyone. But I do want a relationship. I’ve just sent a reply, now I’m going for my morning go run and I’ll meditate after. Thank you love chat!
1. Starting my career 2. Finally getting abs (aka lots and lots of exercise)! :D 3. Being more social with my friends and family 4. Forgiving myself and my ex 5. Understanding my part in the breakup and working towards making sure those particular mistakes never happen again for the sake of my future relationships (whoever they may be with)
Break up 10months I'm waiting for my ex 10months I decided to work on myself to improve 1)slim 5kg more 2)start a bakery class learning something new 3)traveling myself 4)read more book 5)im just bought an apartment start busy renovation
Good job. My ex has been gone about the same amount of time. Have seen her with someone else. Im pushing forward. Lost weight, gained muscle and doing my best to bring myself back from the dead. Good for you! you have my support and best wishes. Rick :)
1. Be more outgoing 2. Reignite my independent filmmaking career 3. Work on my relationship with Myself and God. 4. Take more risks. 5. Pick up drawing and guitar.
Rory, you are awesome! 1. Exercise more. 2. Read more. 3. Learn to communicate and control my emotions better. 4. Travel more. 5. Just be an overall loving and caring person.
Had a Skype Session with Rory , very informative and helped me a lot as I was questioning myself and struggling with the breakup and NC. Highly recommended Guys
1. Get fit 2. Have veneers 3. Therapy 4. Start a business up 5. Play guitar Gyms open Monday Booked at dentist for June Been doing therapy for 2 months Had a few guitar lessons Start new company Tuesday on the 4th
1. loss weight and build muscles 2. new job 3. new friends hang out with 4. keep on learning new cube puzzles, i have 22 cube puzzles : ) 5. stop porn and be man im calling to be
It's good that you mentioned it might be hard cuz we may be really depressed..cuz I've been really sad these days and staying motivated can get so hard at times.
membering: Agreed. It's a never ending challenge to stay motivated and move in a positive, healthy direction. Not gonna lie ... some days I fail horribly at it. I'm getting slightly better at not beating myself up on those days. And on the days when I do great or even just ok? Well, I feel those are wins I deserve. Best wishes for you.
1) no contact 2) Sticking up for yourself, boundaries 3)physical stature, gym and/or self care= looks matter.... be careful who you attract. 4)social attraction, appear more attractive being seen with the opposite sex/threat partner.. 5) interact positively in a crowed...noticed by ex 6) list 5 to 10 things to change for yourself.... 7) trust the process -gym, already lost 6lbs -clearing out old energy and old things from my house -new career goals -healthier diet -meditation -more rest -improve my painting
Just got dumped after 8 years, this is the only channel getting me through. Your voice is so soothing, ur ex is missing out. Also you sound like Seaman from Sega Dreamcast
1. start running again 2. expand my social circle 3. get over the fear of being single 4. graduate from university 5. improve my relationship with my family
Mutually broke up 11 months on Valentines Day ;( . She is now seeing someone else. 1.Work on myself...that’s lots of fun! 2.Improving big time in the gym 3.practice not letting my insecurities get in my way 4.know who is mor important her or me 5.practice self love 6. Enjoy the moments with myself 7. Try something new everyday 8. Laugh more especially at my stupid thoughts, yes!! 10. Looks for answers within 11. Use my breakup for leverage to motivate myself for awesome changes....like yoga.
One more thing...I realized my breakup is now about her anymore, it’s about me....knowing that makes it so much easier to let her go and know I’m on my way to bigger and better things.
I really like the fact that you mention how important attraction. Because whether or not people like it, it's the truth. The last time I saw my ex I literally looked like I was dying (thanks depression) and I could tell he wasn't attracted to me like he had been. The one thing I really want to change is my employment status.
Yep. My ex who is very gentle and diplomatic usually, saw me for the first time after 5 months (I was abroad). I had gained 50 pounds in our relationship (lots of drinking and partying). Plus I started smoking again while together (she is a health fanatic). During the breakup, she specifically said I looked like 'death' lol,
After 16 years together my wife left. Once i started to really work in me with fitness, new hobbies like playing guitar. I also started reading many books being really solitair after breakup i starte to go out and still working to build new social surroundings,i can honestly say It is her loss. I don't want her back my life is better and i am more me then ever. Stil, setting new goals and lots to do without having to be accountable.
I am trying so hard to trust the process, feeling down today after almost 6wks of no contact but your videos are helping through this wave. Hopefully it’ll pass like u say Rory. 🤞
Things I’ve accomplished since the breakup: 1. I actually have friends now. I’m learning that I am actually likeable and capable of making and keeping friends when I’m more authentic and don’t just focus on my ex! 2. Painting 3. Biking 4. Hiking 5. Made travel plans with friends 6. Relearning to drive (I’m 29 years old but always been scared by a past accident) 7. Hoping to go to nursing school next year 8. Learning to play an instrument 9. Learning a new language 10. Reading more books 11. I’m emotionally healthier and less anxious and less depressed due to everything mentioned above! 12. Joined a creative contest at work and won hehe Now I just need to work on my fitness. I’m having so much fun dating myself that I’m not even sure if I want him back. Maybe I do, but I hope he doesn’t reach out for four more months at least hahaha.
Great video: Ex gone FOR A WHILE NOW. My all-time favorite dog has bone cancer and I have to put him down tomorrow. I am dealing with it and doing my DAMDEST not to let it push me back down in to the emotional black pit of hell. He would not want me to be sad. he would want me to do the following: 1. Lose 40lbs. I have lost 20 so far. :) Stopped the booze and crap food. Feel so much better. Imagine that!!! lolol 2. Go out and do anything. I tend to be a hermit in the house. 3. Ride my bike. About to snow in Minnesota so this will be tough. MMM? Got it. Walk the gym track :) 4. Maybe go on a date. OR JUST DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. EVEN IF IT IS BY MYSELF. It's A START. 5.keep myself distracted so as to keep depression under control
Its not easy at first, but when you can finally improve yourself it is absolutely worth it. Step out of your comfort zone. Push yourself and become self sufficient. You will feel stronger than you've ever felt before
1. Worked on myself.. Successfully dated 3 girls since the ex with my newfound knowledge of the "dating game" 2. Got myself my own apartment (a huge step in the right direction for me) 3. Got a raise at work, and have been taking lots of OT work. 4. Musically, I have some of the most exciting projects that I'm ever going to be involved with going into 2019.. Clearly I've been growing, so I wonder if she's noticing.......
@07 very cool DUDE.. I know how you feel... its easy to say who the fuck cares what she thinks... Hard to get our minds to that point... But that is the ideal point... You know how they say once you let go,,, women seem to know... Well it worked that way in my situation. As an aside.. I rejoined a Acoustic Guitar group lesson... So I'm growing musically also
@@matrixband12 I like that saying haha.. It's true though.. The girl before my ex was begging me to come over and have sex with her, but by that point I lost all interest.. I almost got there this summer with my ex.. July was a really fun month for me, and I definitely went a few days without thinking of her.. Gotta get to that point again! And that's cool man.. Playing a musical instrument is a GREAT distraction.
Items from my list 1- Communication skills 2- Mental stability 3- The ability to act without thinking on what others might say 4- Read more 5 - Start a vlog
1. my body even better 2. start flirting with other women and beat social anxiety 3. start going out alone and make new friends 4. get a job in a gym 5. start a youtube channel
I lost 15 pounds, I bought my first car, learned how to drive, got my license, then got my GED, so then I applied to college and got accepted. I want to be a firefighter so I want to study fire science, soon I want to volunteer to be a firefighter for a few days before I start school again. Also I want to rearrange my room because it's small and a good change will help a lot. And something crazy fun i want to do by September is go skydiving I'm excited about all of it. The breakup happened on February 28th but I kept working hard, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel but once summer started it was like God released me and I just went boom💥!
I am going to: 1) Grow my photography business and become more secure financially 2) Work through my childhood trauma with a psychologist and become more securely attached (vs. anxious now) 3) Join classes (e.g. salsa dancing) and other social hobbies where I can meet new people 4) Keep working on my physique (power & endurance) 5) Start meditating daily to help with my emotional balance
Another great video. Understanding the logic of what is happening in my break up, is so useful. Rory, you have agreat clean and clear way of explaining. Thank you
This is the most perspective video I’ve watched here it does work . I’ve gone threw no contact I’ve gone from a super negative person to the optimistic and positive person I know, and weather it get me my ex back or not I’m happy with myself. Even if I can’t it made me a better person and I agree with everything said in this video
I need to buy a guitar I have to loose some pounds I started reading more books spending more time with family Being more social in the gym Damn i used to be all alone when i was dating my ex i forgot who i was..
In no specefic order: 1. Dont care about the outcome its about having fun 2. Work out 3. Find one or more new hobby's / pasions 4. Go outside every day 5. Try something new 6. Practice DJ-ing 7. Get a drivers licence 8. Daily meditation (this one is tough for me) 9. Love myself (stop needing other people to feel whole/good/not alone)
Love your work! Would love to see some content about friendship, toxic friendships versus great friendships, and also topics about how to handle those tough conversations and the psychology behind it.
LoveChat, can you talk about some of these ideas: how to move on while still having hope for reconciliation, How to deal with the thoughts about your ex finding a rebound, If they are constantly thinking of their first love as they’re dating, not giving up hope when everything seems possible, how she changes the way she feels at the beginning of the end of relationship compared to being away for a while, if her parents don’t believe in divorce and still love and message you could they somewhat influence her decision later down the road, how to come back and show you’re no longer a verbal abuser. Just a few things like that.
Rory, if you could, even though this is a small percentage of time, do a video on about when a ex either lives directly across the street on how to handle that no contact, or when the ex mother is trying to remain friends after a breakup
My goals after she dumped me! 1. Read more books 2. Call up friends to check in on them rather than just going to them when I’m feeling down 3. Get abs by December 2020 (6months!) 4. Expand my diecast hobby page/side hustle (@dailydiecastsg) 5. Get a new job, I don’t like where I’m at but covid-19 situation makes it hard to get another job
4 months since the break up, 1 month into NC: 1) lost 5kg, running 5 miles every day, yoga 3 times a week; 2) taking horse riding lessons and contemporary dance lessons; 3) working on a promotion at work; 4) created new social circles; 5) saving towards my own house. I feel much more confident and healthy, but I still think of him first thing in the morning and just before I go to bed. We work together and live in a small town so my hardest challenge is to not 'accidentally' bump into him. Listening to this channel everyday gives me strength to keep going. Sometimes it's the only way I can fall asleep
I have always stood up for myself, been tough, a 'challenge' etc but after a while women DO get fed up. Not sure what happened in my first relationship (she cheated for 6 months) but in my other two relationships being 'tough' and standing up for yourself only lasts so long before you need to be nice. I guess a balance is the way forward. Just don't be a pushover and don't always be available at any stage of a relationship. Keep some mystery alive but BE NICE.
Thanks Rory: Went NC 245 days. she reached out sever times... Physical Changes: Lost about 20 LBS... training for a marathon... 18 miles last Sunday for my training run. I grew a beard and started putting Gel into it to be more stylish. Some of my female coworkers have helped with new wardrobe. I saw ex 2 weekend ago.. we hung out. Then she says she just wants to be friends. Rory how about that as topic? I said NO to friends... she knows I want more.. She got mad I said NO to friends. SO Im on day 2 of NC...
you said she got mad because you refused to be just friends..that is good.. keep going stay on NC and maby at the end you will find yourself doesn't whant her back
Hey bro! Weren't you saying that you thought she'd never reach out in other vids? This is encouraging to me because I'm a little over 210 days of NC, so maybe there still is some hope that I'll get a text some day. The physical changes are commendable. You should really do that for yourself though, not her. That's why I haven't really done much in that department. I'm already fit, and have no desire to look like a juicehead lol. Anyway, yeah.. Stick to your guns and stay no contact. She's still trying to see if she has power over you, and testing to see if you've become mentally stronger over the course of all these months. Strict NC from this point on.
1. Get fit to climb a mountain (started going to the gym)! I loved doing this in the past and I’m gonna do it again! 2. Learn some Spanish! I love language and it’s useful! 3. Already moved into my own place in an area I love! 4. Make new queer connections and nourish my current relationships so I have a solid sense of community, see who else is out there, and build my confidence 5. Already accepted a much improved job from my current one! Work life balance baby! I’m doing great. I’m lucky to have me ❤
I want to be less angry- part of the reason my ex broke up with me is because he hates conflict and I tend to be argumentative. I want to give myself respect- I felt like my ex wasn’t ever considering my feelings enough and I want to be able to stand up for myself when he doesn’t.
I fell in love with guys in relationships many times, but my feelings had nothing to do with their relationship status. I was attracted, pursued and then realized they had a girlfriend - it's not something I talk about when I meet people - so by the time I find out, I'm too hooked!
After listening to this, I begged. No wonder she said she didn’t love me anymore. After 4 years and many mistakes on my part. It’s time I take control of myself. Dominance.
Well after she said she doesn't wanna see me anymore i mopped alone for a couple of weeks and then i quit my shitty job... I wanted something higher risk/reward so i just applied and started it 😉 i wanna overcome my fears one by one now!
I told me ex the other day that I’ve changed so much in my life in positive ways because of him. He looked really shocked and probably thinks I’m mad but never mind 😂
I fucked up. I text her after a few beers the other night telling her how much I missed her. She's in a rebound and it's been nearly 3 months. At least she knows how I feel, but maybe that's that.
It's been over two years since my breakup, l still love her and miss her incredibly. There is no communication between us as she knows we will never be "just friends", but she is still in fairly regular contact with my mom. We both can't understand why, they didn't even get along that well when we were together.
Gregor Brown wow exact same thing with my ex. She says nada to me but skypes my mom since the day we broke up regularly. She met my mom only in ONE visit where she stayed w my mom a few days. Crap i thought that was a good sign, but if your ex has been doing that for 2 years and still not contacting you???
@@BlackLabelSlushie yes it really strange behaviour. I don't know why. Does she feel guilty, want to keep tabs on me, or is she just trying to be nice? As far as l know she never did this with her previous ex boyfriends parents.
Have you thought of braking no contact? I mean why not at this point? I would think that after 6 months to a year there is nothing to lose unless she cheated or was very disrespectful in how she broke off. For me it's 'only' been 10 weeks and it's been incredibly painful. It's weird to think it's been only 10 weeks. It's like remember just 4 months ago feels in my head like a distant memory. It's weird. After she dumped me (long distance) I went no contact right away (it was a very amicable breakup in the sense no begging screaming etc). Then I VERY stupidly broke it once 3 weeks in, then have been silent since then. To my surprise she emailed me 5 weeks post-breakup with an ultra bland email "how are you? Weather is good" type of thing. I responded with an equally ultra bland and I think a bit sarcastically bland weather report. Heard nothing since. But she emails my mom eve saying affectionate things to my mom lol. But not a word about me.
Already list 25 lbs. Moved in with my kids. Now working on getting my house on the market. Hopin to out alot of money in the bank so i can seriously house shop like we were doing the week she dumped me. It's been 3 months.
Could you please go over something about the ex's life going downhill after the breakup? For instance I saw a picture of my ex on my friend's post and he gained weight. Someone also told my friends he's having a hard time and it's been several months since the split. He is the dumper. I'm not digging for these emotional triggers. I'm not talking or asking about him. I'd like to continue to move forward and look past little mental hurdles. Tips are appreciated!
It’s been 4 weeks of no contact, it was brutal..but today I’ve been finding myself kind of put off by my ex, like how he could just leave me like that (he’s dismissive avoidant, I’m fearful avoidant and became needy)..like I bloody love myself now and feel turned off by the fact he doesn’t seem to love me as much as I love myself..can’t believe my mindset is slowly shifting like this, considering how crazily addicted and heartbroken I was on the first few weeks of no contact..im hopeful for more change in mindset! And even though right now I still wish he would come back some time in the future, I hope I will have forgotten my feelings for him, to start anew and let him be the one to obsess over and chase me instead~
2 months out of a 2 month rebound relationship (I was the rebound) 1) Spend more Time with my Friends. 2) get in shape (bulk) for summer 3)Meditate at least 2x (20 mins)/day 4)All A's and B's in my classes this semester 5) Make good money at a new job. 6) Get out into Nature every week I don't even care if she comes back, I just want these so i can be happy for myself finally!
My ex actually jumped into a rebound with an orbiter that has been hanging around. See the thing is that me and my ex one day tried to rank all the people in the friend group by how attractive we find them. She placed the guy she branched to as least attractive. Other than that the dude is a complete clown. She's gonna have one hell of a realisation when puppy love wears off. I quite pity her 😂 I think she's gonna lose a lot of friends over this stunt (don't mean breaking up with me, the cheating part)
"people want what they can't have." that's all good when you're in no contact and stuff, but when you do get back together do they still can want you? Given that same concept(grass is always greener syndrome). And how do you still apply that same concept when you get back together?
Vidéo topic : what to do with with the love and desire that you have for the dumper (healthy and respectful break ups only) when you know you have to move on ?
I will get my drivers license, be more outgoing and I will play the piano more consistently. Honestly my list has like 15 items on it, I don't think I'll even have time for a boyfriend anymore 😅
SHOULD I even get an ex back?? How she gonna throw someone away like that who has been nothing but true with her and 100% behind her. I was fit, I was working on my goals and projects, things are slowly coming together. We were long-distance, I think that is the main reason cause shit went down the drain when lockdown started. Maybe she just thinks the grass is greener somewhere else? I'm starting to be able to come up with less and less reasons on why I should want her back. She probably has moved on already anyway, it's been 3 months.
Never break no contact!! I broke it last night after 3 months and she was like you are still not over me. That gave me all my answer's but this time i didn't feel the pain i felt when she broke up after 7 long years!!
Is that what she said? "You are still not over me?" Damn. I think 3 months was a bit early to break NC. But I DO think there is a time to break NC. I mean you said it yourself: "this time I didn't feel the (same) pain" and now I think you will be closer to moving on faster. I do think there comes a point where, if you still want your ex, continuing no contact forever is pointless and counter-productive to you. At some point, endless NC becomes YOUR comfort zone. "I can't fuck up if I don't contact her." And I think at some stage, endless NC also becomes a way of clinging to hope. It keeps your hope frozen in time. Now, if they cheated on you or severely disrespected/humiliated you in the way they broke up, that is different and I would stay NC forever. Also, if you were extremely needy during the relationship or during the breakup, doing days or weeks of begging, pleading etc, then I'd continue NC.
Jose Montes i would give it time and stay no contact: by the way I have a major happy update since i wrote the above comments: my ex suddenly and finally contacted me (3 months NC). that very quickly we t from one neutral-ish email from her to within 4 weeks pretty heavy flirting and sexual advances from her. I am currently 6000 miles away so lets see what develops. But in a nutshell, i am very, VERY glad that I found 'the love chat' and used the recommendations he gives. Ie NC, work on yiurself, don't be needy & give it time
Please consider preparing videos that referenced couples that are married but separated (not legally). In my case we are 22 years into marriage with 3 kids. My wife informed of her desire to get divorced and has moved in with my in-laws in her country of origin. I have been successful in stalling divorce proceedings based on my discussion with my wife. I liken this experience to an alarm clock going off and one year into her moving out I am in the best shape of life, we are better off financially but I have a long way to go based on my goals, I am doing a great job managing all household responsibilities on my own and taking care of our kids. I am a business professional and have traveled to Asia and Europe which is when my wife willing returns home to take care of our kids.My wife has seen the positive changes that are taking place. How do I get her level of enthusiasm to increase to the point she decides to stay home? I believe she is going through a bit of a mid life crisis as she was a stay home mom and is currently working in my in-laws family business. I also feel she has been pressured by my sister in-law to work in the family business as well as to spend time with my mother in-law, who I believe feels lonely when my wife is not present.
Hi the love chat. Thank you for your amazing work. Can you make a video about why the person who breaks up with you is super emotional? Blaming and cursing themselves, telling that she hates herself, etc? I could not find anything about that subject and I am really interested what is the reason behind those emotions. Best wishes :)
I recently broke up with my ex and we have to live together until she move out in 2 weeks. It’s been 2 weeks since we broke up. After a couple of days into the break up she went to her parent’s house with her 5yr old son. I wish I watched your channel much earlier. I texted her to understand what had happened because I felt like there was a miscommunication. After she explained the situation from her perspective, I came to accept the decision. Just a couple of days ago, she came back home because she needed to bring her son back to his dad’s house. I can’t do no contact until after she’s gone because now we are stuck in quarantine. She invited her sister to stay with us while she’s here. What should I do? We have had very normal interaction because I told her to not act weird during the time that we are stuck together especially with her sister around. I have asked her before to not bring her sister but apparently this time there was a reason to (Even though there is always other solution). During the time that she’s here, I took down our photos together, stopped location sharing and have been talking to friends more often. She was acting weird yesterday. While she was texting, her body language showed that she wanted to hide it from me. . I don’t understand. I know I shouldn’t care anymore.
Well.. my ultimate goal is to get him back. And I´m not giving up, but I don´t know how to proceed apart from working on our issues and myself. I have: 1: Started working out. Not necessarily for my body, because we both liked my body, but I started excersising Zumba. He was dissapointed that we could not go out dancing in public due to me feeling concious (I loved dancing with him home in our livingroom or at private parties) 2: Stop being a hypochondriac. In fact it stopped right after him dumping me 3: Learning a new hobby (I started knitting, needle felting, emboidery and excercising) 4: Being more outgoing (I preferred being at home due to being introvert and were too comfortable spending time with him at home). Now I am out more with friends and has started to take more initiative 5: Ordered a trip to my doctor, to ask for help for treating my low sex drive and painful sex. These are just a few of the things I´ve been doing. Unfortunatly, I don´t think he´ll ever come back.
What can I do if we can’t get social proof. My ex and the father of my child is a recovering alcoholic. We couldn’t do typical couple things like go out and because of that it was extremely more difficult to bond and we had to put more effort into doing it other ways which eventually I was the only one doing which ultimately contributed to our recent demise. Would you be willing to do videos on getting an ex back when you have kids? Thanks for all you do Rory I appreciate it more then you’ll ever know!
what do i do if they say they’ve lost feelings or like something is missing (currently in NC) he seems to have moved on after three weeks he’s going out with all these new people
