1) forgetful memory spacing out dissociation 2) feeling something is wrong with me defective 3) emotional flashbacks triggered 4) relationship issues 5) living in hyper vigilant mode over analyzing mode 6) chronic physical health issues
Many of us can't hold down a job because being 'out' in the world is too stressful. Being out of my own little space can make me so adrenalin tired that I think I'm going to die. I'm a grown adult who can't leave my house in case someone wants to interact with me. It's debilitating.
I’m 48 and I still today can feel myself revert back to childhood feelings of shame, guilt, the feeling of being so wrong embarrassed and humiliated when someone is annoyed at me. Hence constantly abandoning myself to try and keep the peace. I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing as learnt so young to be that way I legitimately believed all these years I’m here solely to keep everyone else “happy” which is an impossible task. In the long run no one was happy (short term yes). I’m happy to be learning about myself and how I can reclaim my voice and power. To be loving instead of fearing.
I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD but it’s really CPTSD. So many from childhood. Male babysitter, uncle and stepdad molested me before age 11. Gang raped by 3 men at 19 while date rape drugged. Plenty more trauma…. At a young age. 60 now and still suffering mentally. Sad life.
I'm so sorry , I was also molested at the age of 5 by 1 way older sibling , plus 2 other boys..I tried to take my life back in 2016..And I also still struggle everyday & it is a very sad life..Much Love to you..❤
I was broken by my mother, nuns and priests (notice the lack of capitals, I have no respect for any of them) when I was young beginning in the early '60's. I have suffered from PTSD all my life and never understood or realized it. I was also born with a cleft-palate. All my life, I've had complete strangers tell me that I'm ugly. In high school, for a couple of years, I had to be mindful of where I went at which parts of the day because there were 3 guys a few years older who made my life miserable. I'd hear "hey lip buddy" then get a smack in the head or where-ever they felt like. A teacher saw that happen once and just walked away. I once asked a girl if she'd like to go out with me and she looked incredulous and said "with you?" I've ony had one girl-friend and she died after about 3 years of complications from an illness. I didn't realize or understand that for most of my life that I was broken spiritually and mentally.
Also a child of the 60’s, broken by my mother. Also ridiculed, but due to scoliosis (curved spine). My spirit was eventually salvaged by my grandmother, yet within me, so much trauma remains unresolved. I can’t find the proper words to say to you right now, only that I hear you and share some of your pain. Sending you love, comfort, and healing.
Dave, I cannot believe how cruel people can be towards anyone who is different; especially, those that claim to represent God. I find that the the severe abuse that I survived has given me an uncanny ability to help others especially children. Maybe your reaching out to children with differences will help you see how beautiful you are.
thank you for the videos. it helps to understand. unless it's an exagerrated response, where my emotions are to strong for the circumstance, it can be tricky to see things as a 'sign'. a lifetime with these behaviors and it just feels like that's who you are -rather than fallout. there are highly triggered moments where i understand my response and the origin. feeling powerless is a clear component. the flood of feelings is almost intolerable. When outwardly you present well (for the most part) and you're a great pretender you never feel understood or known.
Oh my god yes!! I feel and get all of this. My husband says I'm functional and I'm doing fine. But I feel like I've just learned how to hold it together. My emotional state when triggered is so unbearable. I can't stop being so angry and wanting to just cut the person who triggered me out of my life. That feeling of out of control is horrible. I don't ever lash out hardcore with screaming or losing it but it's that turmoil.
Yes - it's so true that when we "present well" others don't see it and it can really feel lonely inside. I also think our "normal" as a baseline, given our childhoods, makes it hard for even us to recognize how much we might be suffering. Thank you so much for sharing, sending love and healing.
I have so much imposter syndrome from this exact same thing. I “present well” because it was unsafe to share my emotions and experiences with my family growing up. Now that I’m feeling safer and more able to express myself, those emotions have come out in majorly painful bursts of anger, fear, sobbing, etc. It’s been so uncontrollable that it was scary. I was struggling to control my physical responses, too, so I’ve had to separate myself from others while I work on my triggers and reactions.
Thank you, so helpful. I have noticed a symptom being regression, dissociative distraction obsessions, displacement attention activities, to help 'by-pass' a traumatic incident without dealing with it head on.
Yes, I live with chronic pain 24/7. I hardly ever feel peaceful because I’m always trying not to fail. I don’t remember much of my childhood or when my kids were young. I had regular nightmares of me gtrying to save them from “the enemy”. Looking after my youngest grandkids now 3 1/2 and 7 months really helps because I have to be “in the moment” if I want a real relationship with them. I’ve learnt a lot and I try to listen more and speak less. My malignant narcissistic mother abused me from infancy in every way. At least I went no contact about 25 years ago and she’s dead now. Her attacks behind my back have ceased but many important relationships are ruined. I can live with that. It’s their choice to believe what they want. I’m a genuine Christian and that’s the most important thing about me 💟✝️💟
I have so few memories that don’t reinforce nearly 70 years worth of shame I can count them on one hand. I actually just recently asked myself to find a memory where I didn’t “spoil” the moment or situation. It took a while but I finally did find one, and promptly did something that doesn’t happen often: I cried.
Wow, I never knew why I did that and used to feel so bad about it but it was almost overwhelming, a compulsion. I’d be in a good mood driving home and would tell myself I wouldn’t be horrible and moody/angry. It was like a switch flipped, I couldn’t explain it! My poor family must have dreaded me coming home, so very sad. But what you said (one of many things), ties in exactly with my childhood. I mothered my mother, I felt responsible for everyone and everything. At least it makes sense now, thank you.
Thank you so much for this. I also have a borderline mother and I can relate to your videos in so many ways. The experience you described of walking in the door, seeing things not done and feeling overwhelmed and angry is something that I've struggled with for so many years. Thank you for making these videos... I've never met anyone else with a borderline mom and I've never felt so understood. ❤️
I feel I have symptoms of CPTSD.. Though they developed after emotional abuse in a relationship with a friend. Not necessary it comes from childhood...
When I'm at work and get stressed, which is often, my mind goes back to childhood abuse. I see my mother raging at me, kicking me, her words repeat in my head over and over. I tell myself silently what a POS I am. All while I function normally outward. I'm exhausted.
Every time I see one of your videos, I understand myself more. I have already commented on this video and I had a lot to say. Even at that, I have no commented nearly as much as I need to. I understand what you’re saying about health issues. I had a traumatic childhood and it has affected me with numerous ailments. I have been under psychiatric care almost all of my adult life. I have had GI problems since I was 18, IBS, GERD, etc. I take a lot of meds and supplements. I have a heart condition and all of my adult life I have been under treatment for depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. Considering how I grew up, I am proud to say that I am a very even tempered person. My mother was a narcissist and my former best friend of 65 years was also a narcissist and I finally put her out of my life two years ago. Since our 30 year high school reunion, she had become absolutely unbearable. I can’t believe that I kept her in my life for so long. She spread a horrible, untrue rumor about me to all of our friends, so I am left with no friends. However; she didn’t call one of my lifelong friends, so I now have that friend and one other friend from school, as well as 2 friends in California. They are all wonderful people so I feel like I got the cream of the crop! I’m so sorry to write so much but I find it somewhat therapeutic. Forgive me for leaning on you.
I get very triggered by certain people in my life who I perceive to be self-centered, jealous, Competitive, controlling or act superior because of my narcissistic guardian. My one family member is not a bad person at all and has good traits but she can be jealous occasionally or competitive and it sets something off inside of me. I get so angry and I ruminate about it ashamedly, for weeks. The anger makes me breathe quickly and my heart races. It feels like the rage I felt at my narcissist at the time. I thought for a while it was my radar telling me she's an unhealthy person I shouldn't have in my life but I think I'm seeing that it might be CPTSD. I haven't been diagnosed so it's confusing. I feel helpless and like someone needs to confront her. I realize I'm looking for a savior. The one that never came in my childhood. My narcissist guardian was brutal. She was so jealous and competitive to the point of telling me I had a crush on her husband. Telling me I couldn't hug him because I was too womanly (at 16) I know I'm being badly triggered now. I hope I can get diagnosed soon. I've had talk therapy for 3 years.
if we are being triggered and get SO angry by our family members it means that we are still in the role of children and we think they can hurt us. ı think this is called unseen trauma bond . no one really talk about it but its important. We are now grown up and they cannot harm us anymore. But the trauma is so strong that we are subconsciously go into the role of the child and get triggered and get soooo angry because we are still AFRAİD of them. We have to realize that we are now grown up, they cannot hurt us. They might be a family member but they have personality disorders so we wont expect them to behave like we want (if i get so angry it means i want them to be the idealized mother figure which we actually deserved). i dont wanna say dont get triggered but if the trigger level is really high and we can see it in our body it means we should remind our selves that thay are not capable of what we deserved they wont change we dont need their love , they cant harm us , accept the reality set boundary and re mother your own self 💪❤️... sorry for my bad english hope this helps ❤️🧿🙏
@@zerregiden1834 thank you so much. That makes so much sense ❤️ the people I get triggered by are not the same people who abused me :/ I think that's why I may have CPTSD because it doesn't matter who it is. I don't talk to my narcissistic guardian or any of her family anymore. I think it is true that I go into a childlike state feeling vulnerable and afraid. That's why I get so angry. I realize that they can't actually hurt me after the trigger but in the moment of that trigger I can't convince myself of it. I think that's common with CPTSD because the hypothalamus (emotional brain) ( overtakes the prefrontal cortex (reasoning brain). It's so true that my anger is based in fear underneath it all for me. Thank you for your response. It is so good to try to remember that they cannot hurt me anymore ❤️
@@mendingmandy869 I love and appreciate this conversation - yes, both are so true. We are not children anymore but our nervous systems and inner child still live very much in the past in many cases and even though we try, it's literally like our bodies betray us and take us there. I love Polyvagal therapy type work - you might check out videos by Deb Dana if you haven't already:) Thank you both so much for sharing and I am hoping you can receive the treatment and healing support you deserve.
@@DrKimSage thank you so much for your videos! They are so helpful. Yes! my brain just won't let me feel safe :/ . I'll definitely check Deb and polyvagal therapy out! Thanks again ❤️
Kim, when I first saw your videos, I didn’t want to trust or like you. You just seemed too pretty, fashionable and gentle to be seriously focused on healing trauma in others. I don’t think that anymore -- you now seem amazingly real, intelligent, kind, and you’re a great communicator. Thank you for what you do.
I have all these issues going on. The physical aspects are becoming more profound and causing many physical symptoms. I'm so anxious in relationships and never feel able to accept someone may like or even love me.
I get triggered by criticism or even the thought of possible criticism. My body instantly withdraws and I end up either sleeping or playing on my cell phone (avoidance). Only the thought of wanting to do some paperwork already puts my system totally out of order.
Yes, we can be so sensitive to criticism and we can want to avoid anything that remotely feels like it - sending you so much support and strength. Have you read Pete Walker's book on CPTSD? Thank you so much for sharing:)
I agree that shame and low self-esteem induced by parental abuse and neglect are very formative. But what is seldom discussed is the part peers play in our development. Society, especially that of children, does not value introspection and contemplation. That we spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out why we aren't loved and what we have to hide or do in order to be loved, creates a mindset that other children don't have or appreciate. We can easily be seen as "downers". Many of us are completely excluded from exploring others in an innocent manner. Then there is what we do to compensate for all that "time on our hands" spent not being loved in infancy. Do we, like baby monkeys, cling to a stuffed toy and a bottle when deprived of a mother, creating a stronger need for things than people? Do we return to the dream state of the womb alone in our crib, maybe laying the groundwork for a solitary life as a writer or poet? Do we learn that we will never be what others want us to be and simply lose interest in other people?? It all depends on temperament, intelligence and the kinds of rejection we were exposed to. These traits are later described as attachment styles. Are they really detachment styles and with good reason to stay that way??
Thank you so much for All the help to provide. The My first memory was being molested by an older stepbrother and stepsister that were a lot older than me. My stepfather was severely abusive to me and my mother end. It hurts so bad to watch him beat her. Sometimes I feel like you’re talking directly to me because so many things you say apply to me. I have constant panic and anxiety attacks. I cannot take a shower without someone else in the house. I have a beautiful daughter in her 30s and our relationship is Very volatile. We are not close, and I believe it’s because I have projected so much of my trauma on her. I am 61 years old and have never come to terms with the things that have happened to me when I was younger. I will be taking your courses. I pray that one day I can get past my PTSD and be the mother I’ve always wanted to be, God bless
Great video. I am in my head all the time. I am fatigue due to my daily anxieties. I have to nap most days. I am discovering that these things are signs of my CPTSD.
My C-PTSD seems to manifest as being in a state of shame and guilt, and confusion. These emotions are part of my daily experience, and I think it's at the core of my diagnosis of Major Depression Disorder.
Any Sunday evening at dusk, especially in the fall or winter, when there is fog, I feel like the world is ending and I’ve ever figured out why. I know it is an emotional flashback, but at age 75 now, I guess I will never understand why I suddenly feel such despair. It has to be foggy, and there is a possibility that I will suddenly slip into despair if there is fog on other evenings, but the deepest despair happens on Sunday evenings at dusk. Just writing this, I can feel that horrible emptiness now. Just awful.
I have a really really good memories. Yes, I know I have problems with concentration. Still, my memories are clear enough. I remember some feeling, incidents when I was two
9:52 LOVE THIS!! If only more clinicians and general public knew this I’m sure we could help a lot of people faster and reduce healthcare spending overall (many patients I have seen I’ve been through the ringer in terms of specialist and sub specialists with no definitive answer, but no one along the lines, ever stopped to assess beyond what’s in the four walls of their specialty. And once opening up in a non-stigmatizing way, how our mind literally controls everything within us, a large majority are incredibly grateful, particularly those who are given a particular diagnosis for which we actually don’t have actual a definitive explanation regarding the pathophysiology
If you are the person who has complex PTSD You may he offered therapies used to treat PTSD such as trauma-cognitve behavioral therapy (CBT) or eye movement desensitisation reprocessing (EDMR)
Omg, the picture of the little girl covering her face. I have a picture of my mother and me, I am about that little girls age and I am hiding behind my mother's legs and I was a scared little girl
My older sisters were twin bullies who were enabled by our mom. Way too much put-down humor in our household. It’s nice to get an explanation that connects this to my lifelong challenges.
"Put down humor" is such a great term. My father did that to everyone in our house. No compliments, support, encouragement, affection. Just put down humor. Or straight up put downs.
Thank you for all the information you provide Dr. Sage. :-) Would you please consider doing a video to give insights into how a person with C-PTSD as a result of a BPD parent, especially impact of a single parent BPD upbringing, affects their children? I am high functioning, as a result of much self work, but as the kids were growing, I kept looking for things I might unconsciously bring to the equation. I wonder what I missed (am missing,) and how I can provide the best support to my kids. I think a discussion on behaviors ranging from unknowing-C-PTSD to aware-C-PTSD would be helpful. Another aspect of being C-PTSD is how our selection of spouses/partners, even if we divorce and have the majority of time with kids, also plays a big part... I don't think we necessarily have the tools to discern problems or manage them, by the time we might marry. And then, if you have children, this person (person(s) considering their family) that we have brought into our lives, can continue to not only mentally harm us, but our children. (The all around good guy, treating kids by being dismissive, chuckling at little errors, hounding, berating, withdrawing, favoring, misogynistic to daughter (and discussions of any women,) and frightening to all by being very threatening and verbally abusive to their other parent to get what they want when they want it.) It is very difficult to both keep the peace and keep things safe, and to keep the children *feeling safe* and to keep their respect. --They might start to feel in their gut, to manage fear, and the humiliation that can come with it, that "might is right" and "reasoning and de-escalating is weak.) Very disheartening. Perhaps there are some key traits in people that a C-PTSD resulting from BPD parenting should watch out for, both in terms of selection, and how we can coach our kids on the trait-impact. As my children grew, I just noted that the other parent could be problematic in addressing issues, but he loved them, but just couldn't express it the way they needed, and it was okay to bring things up with him, and that I would support them, and discuss things with him. Maybe I should have said more. They figured out quickly, that anything I raised would be the source of hounding for months, so they asked me to not say anything. Very painful. And what good is support, if you can only support them by limiting time, not by being there? Kids don't see the limited time, they only find they are abandoned with a painful person they love. My children are adults, and I see impacts, I think mostly from my unfortunate choice in their father, but also in their disappointment that I couldn't do more to protect them and make it better. I think as they became adults, they became aware of the powers and limitations of the courts, but I think there must be things for me to consider, give light to, so that I can better support them. So it would help me to have insight into discussions a C-PTSD person might have with adult children of a poorly chosen parent, but it would be also be helpful to have insight into how to better support non-adult children. I wish their were better tools. Unaddressed BPD in a parent, ripples to their children, and who those children let into their life, onto their children's children. I see it in my other 3 siblings. The spouse appears to have a huge impact on our kids, while we try to manage, dodge, placate, discuss. Toxic people are hard to manage, and with C-PTSD it is damned near heroic to continually face it, and deal with it in a healthy way. I minimized his time with my kids, with more input up front and at critical points, 2 of my siblings roll with their choices (not terribly toxic women... just anxious and overly parenting), and 1 of my siblings actively coaches kids on how to avoid the parent, and keeps them from doing any tasks in front of the parent to reduce berating and shaming, all while describing the other parent in stark adult lashing terms. --If this is happening in just one family, I suspect you would have an audience that would resonate with C-PTSD as a parent, and coaching/supporting kids on managing a problematic parent, if you have any interest. I know this was long: thank you, if you were able to take the time to read and consider. Again, thank you for all the information and insight you have already provided. It was good to realize I am C-PTSD, what a C-PTSD person needs to heal, and that I am a co-survivor with many.
Hey Doc good morning, thank you again for such a great fruitful content you are great as always 🙏 oh by the way light make up looks great as well. Have an amazing day 👏
For me when I go to school I get triggered and feel myself dissociating because of religious trauma syndrome. I get flashbacks to when I was really scared and told about the devil and stuff. I have made a lot of progress in my journey to feel safe, but there are times I just shutdown and have ruminating thoughts about living my life and if I giving "the devil" access to my life.
I seriously match all these CPTSD THINGS AND REALLY DONT KNOW QUITE WHY? I read an article says it can be passed down from your family right on the dna. So….or I’m just totally unaware of what trauma is or I was too sensitive for this world….I KNOW some history of friends and my history is just pretty average. Maybe its a human trait? To feel defective first etc….genetic…it’s got to be a lot genetic….at least in my world
I would like to just say how much worse complex trauma can become when therapists don't understand it thenselves abd retraumatize you. And it can happen more than once. So much that you just don't want to try again with any of them.
I realise that i disassociate when watching videos like this and really need to re-watch parts. I never felt understood by people and when i first got diagnosed with complex ptsd i just said i got it and brushed it off. Now trying to understand it scares me a lil but i dont know why?
shitty sleep and nightmares! omg i loathe those two symptoms on mine. I am going to be treated for cptsd from my childhood and young adult life...lol i guess most of me life! ANYWAY! i digress, im strating trauma focused therapy with my dbt style regular therapist in november and i can hardly wait!!
I feel triggered and numb just listening to this. So afraid of my dad that I was too scared to tell my folks when I got t-boned and thrown from my bike by a car. I would have been strapped. Abducted and molested by a pedophile when I was twelve. I looked in the BR mirror in grade 5 or 6 and feeling like I looked so ugly and ashamed. Lived with that all my life.
I'm 70 yrs old too, life long CPTSD, been trying to go to A.A. (36) yrs sober. Now, I've been beaten up there, by a " Special-forces Soldier. Can't go back, but I worry about "others", trying to sober up, my experience might be about to help other's. WTF
Why then is Mum behaving herself and not abusing me anymore? Is it because she broke me down to temporary phase of having IBS for months and then being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia psychosis later so she won for mentally and emotionally and psychologically destroying Mum. My younger sister said I should have left Mum earlier than I did because I wasn't well mentally when leaving home and moving with my sister and I still was experiencing trauma from being at home with Mum for months.
Dr Sage, I'm trying to figure out girlfriend of 2 years, she's 63, teacher with PhD and several degrees and she came from a broken family with all kinds of tragedies, just recently she had a very bad day,flat tire, increase in insurance, long days at school ,sick with her allergies and a sprained ankle and i took care of her flat and at the end of day we always talk she told me I'll contact you when I'm ready and thst was a month ago. I know she loves but this is the second she's done this ,she's even told some folks we're done but not communicated that to me, i know she has nightmares and cries about being alone,that no one loves her, she witnessed her brother committ suicide and her sister was a heroin addict, I treated like a queen but it seems like she has a short memory of how i help or treat her. Any help would be appreciated, for now I'll just wait for her to call me and ill stay busy with work and my own home maintenance so I don't go crazy, thank you.
So, wait a minute... You were traumatized by parents who got you to work from a young age, serving them. Now, you're traumatized when you force your kids to do the same for you, without thinking of the trauma you're putting them through..?!? Holy cow, that is complex! Trauma in, trauma out...rinse and repeat..?
