I will be in my third trimester tomorrow with my first pregnancy. I have felt so much more prepared bc of how much you and Stephen have shared. I hope my husband and I are equally as amazing as the two of you are with Grace. I am beyond excited to see how my husband is with our son. I know he is going to be amazing. I just hope I can be the best mom for my baby! 💕
I thought those "thoughts" were completely normal for new mothers. My babies were premature so I would wake up in a panic because I dreamed they were gasping for breath - it was very scary! But every single friend and acquaintance I knew experienced those same type of thoughts after giving birth, even if their child was full-term and perfectly healthy. I think it's a biological response to bringing a new human into the world & feeling the need to protect them
Definitely agree which is why is so bad that no one really prepares you for it prior to the baby! I regularly thought my son was trapped in the duvet and I even hallucinate seeing the bed pulsate like a heart beat. It was so weird because it was so real. I know someone who had this ongoing anxiety that she was going to put the baby in the freezer! Those hormones really are something else! X
@@sarahelizabeth7547 This happened to me too! The first few weeks I would wake up in an absolute panic that I fell asleep holding the baby and the baby was somewhere in the bed. So scary 🥺
These are definitely common and normal... intrusive thoughts are more intense though. Its visualizing really terrifying scenarios that you then have a physical response to (intense anxiety) and its often very irrational. For example, worrying your baby may be struggling to breath and checking on them is relatively rational. When walking down the stairs and visualizing yourself dropping the baby and them tumbling down the stairs (and all the gory details that would occur) and then being scared to walk down stairs with your child is irrational. Intrustive thoughts are much more intense and irrational than that new mom worry/stress.
@Jackie Wiltshire no I definitely had those thoughts too and so did most people I spoke to in my antenatal group. It is really common and not talked about enough so people have these truly awful thoughts and think their is something wrong with them, they're not normal, a bad parent etc. But need and deserve support to handle this before it spirals.
Watching this while sitting in the hospital after my second c section. It’s no joke the first day! I’m not 24 hours out yet. It was so good to hear and remember the steep incline in recovery. Much love from me and my new baby girl Taylor. 💕
HOLY CRAP! I had those same baby in the bed thoughts too! It was 25 years ago, and I didn't know anything about mental health! I didn't end up getting help until after my 2nd kid was born and I really went around the bend. You moms today are lucky that everything is so in the open now.
I've come to find out it's EXTREMELY common. I had it a little longer but I think having my 9 lb dog in bed with me contributed to it because I would feel her and think it was my son. I've never heard anyone discuss it in real life but I've heard from lots of parents online that they experienced the same thing.
The baby in bed thoughts got me too!! Absolutely terrifying. When my milk came in and I wasnt used to that weight, my brain would wake me up in panic thinking that weight was my baby under me. The scariest moments!
I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first baby and am really starting to get nervous about the post-partum recovery process. This video gave me some peace of mind and you even answered the question I sent in (and it was featured in the thumbnail) which is SO cool. Thank you for putting out this kind of content. 💛
I am watching this 29 weeks pregnant. My body is doing this. Its growing and giving my daughter life (as you said). I love my body. It is amazing. I want to treat it so much better than I have before!
When you talked about the new appreciation you had for your body in pregnancy, it made me tear up thinking about the video you made in late 2019 about your PCOS and how it made you resent your body in a way because it was making it difficult for you to become pregnant. I am so happy for you and for where you’ve gotten to with your love for your body.
I had the worst postpartum anxiety on my daughter, my first child, I think her traumatic birth contributed to this. I didn't have it on my son. thanks for being so open and honest on this x, Grace is beautiful and you are a great Mom!!
I'm so glad you're doing well. I can see your happiness and motherhood looks beautiful on you! I'm sure you know this, but I just wanted to put this out there for those that don't. Not having a period while nursing doesn't mean you aren't cycling. Just means that (TMI) you're not bleeding every cycle. So you can get pregnant even if you're not seeing a cycle. A lot (not all) of women don't realize that and end up getting pregnant again before they are ready.
You can get pregnant because you ovulate before you have a period, so if you're waiting until you have a period, it's too late to use protection because you would have already ovulated two weeks prior. I don't believe you're having actual cycles if you're not bleeding.
I can relate so bad, Had an emergency c section too, infertility issues due to pcos, diet changes to get pregnant. I did not know about intrusive thoughts, and it has taken me 7 months to feel like myself. My emotions have finally settled. I think it’s because hubby had to go back to work, and family wasn’t near that it took so long for me to develop my routine with baby boy. Everyone is different. Stay strong Mamas.
I just entered my second trimester this week with my rainbow baby. Watching your videos has helped me feel less afraid of the whole pregnancy, postpartum, and motherhood process. Thank you so much for sharing your story
I'm truly so glad you're doing good and feeling good. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel some jealousy about that. I struggled so badly with postpartum rage and depression for so long after having each of my children, and it is so discouraging. I have an almost 3 year old and a 1.5 year old and to this day I struggle with the same feelings, and it's very difficult to reach out for help and then to receive the right help that actually makes a difference. To anyone struggling as well and having a hard time, wondering why other moms are happy and you aren't, I just wanted to say you're not alone. Love you Sierra, and I'm sure you share this sentiment!
I was induced and was in labor for 64 hours. I asked for a csection after being told they wanted to try for another 30 hrs. My daughter is 3 months old. Intrusive thoughts and postpartum anxiety was really really terrible. The first 2 weeks I couldn’t sleep at all and was hallucinating because of it. I thought if I slept something would happen to her. Intrusive thoughts are incredibly scary. And so vivid. I’m currently losing a ton of hair. It started last week and really freaks me out cause it comes out in handfuls. I love watching these things because it definitely helps me feel less alone.
I have OCD and intusive thoughts are really awful. ERP which is the therapy im in to help is all about sitting with uncertainty and sitting with the discomfort. Which sucks, the anxiety is real no matter how ridiculous the thought is. The worst part is knowing the thought has no bearing on reality and still being stopped in your tracks by it.
My daughter is almost 11 weeks old and those overnight intrusive thoughts are so, so real. I’m just now getting over them within the past 2 weeks or so. You’re so sleep deprived and everything is changing at once and it’s terrifying at times! I also had a vaginal delivery so just learning my body again has been a struggle at times. But I love hearing your journey and how you’re coping and adjusting, it gives me reassurance that you do figure things out over time.
I'm so happy I found your channel. I relate so much to you. I have a 20 month old who I was in labor for 30 hours with and then had an emergency C Section. She was taken to the NICU 24 hours later (it ended up being due to nothing. There was a contaminant in the test tube) and it was traumatic. I started exclusively pumping and did that for the first 9 months and quit since I had enough to feed her for a year. I'm due with my second on Monday and having another C Section. I am also a curvy girl and my husband and I play lots of D&D. I always feel like I'd love to be your friend if we lived near each other. Thanks for making such great, relatable content.
This had me pretty emotional. I gave birth within a few days of you having grace I think, followed you on your journey as I also have pcos. I ended up with an emergency caesarean too and oh my goodness getting up to go to the bathroom for the first time had me in tears. It improved remarkably quickly though, it's hard to believe! Glad to hear you are in a great place, I'm loving seeing you and Steven thrive as parents in the vlogs.
Idk if I ever want kids but if I do someday, I’d be happy to be even half of the mom you are. I really admire how you and Stephen parent. Thank you for being so open and honest about your experience!! ❤️
Fun fact your feet "grow" because the ligaments relax through out your body including the ones in your pelvis to give birth! So because of the relaxation your feet flatten out slightly making them wider and longer.
Let me just start by saying I am so happy you are doing well, I love you and your family, I would be really interested in seeing Stevens point of view on like how he’s been dealing with becoming a new parent and his whole world being flipped upside down and if he went through any of the intrusive thoughts whilst he was holding Grace or something like that and how it’s like for his one on one with her!!
I had PPA but mine started 2 months postpartum. Mine was more about my own mortality. If I wanted to do one thing in my life, it was to become a mother. It was a weird situation where I turned 30 and realized I had achieved my life goal and it was like okay I could die happy. Unfortunately, that quickly turned into I could die. I remember about 2 months ago standing in line at a store, borderline having a panic attack thinking how can all these people be calm? Don’t they know we are all going to die? I’m 6 months postpartum now and after medication and talking a lot to my family, I’m feeling much more serene. I know when we have our next kid, I’ll be prepared. (P.s. I have never had anxiety before being postpartum). I’m glad people can talk more openly about it.
Just to share, my C-section scar is invisible. I had my C-section 17 years ago. About 2 or 3 years after I noticed it was invisible. I have only had one child, so that could be part of it. For those curious about the long term I wanted to share. I always had a very narrow foot and after my son was born I too had to move to a wider shoe and a size bigger.
Sierra, the foot thing is due to the relaxing hormones your body produces before delivery. Mine went back to normal size about a year and a half after my last pregnancy so don't get rid is your fave shoes you should be able to wear them again!
OMGGGGG every intrusive thought you mentioned I totally related to. Waking up tossing the sheets around looking for my baby. That’s a feeling I’ll never forget and something I don’t think is often discussed.
1 thing you’re leaving out that has made you extremely fortunate, more than you’ll ever know, is that you’ve had an extremely supportive significant other. He’s been there to help you with everything. He religiously takes turns with doing things including taking turns getting up in the middle of the night. He’ll take off certain days or times so you’re able to go and do what you need to do. Many women don’t have that including women who do have a significant other living in the house. Having somebody to take turns in the middle of the night and allowing you to get a little extra sleep here and there makes such a big difference. Having a significant other who helps clean or helps do a load of laundry here and there is so wonderful and such a huge help. Even that small help can really make a big difference when raising a baby.
Hi. I am having a rough year with my pregnancy journey. I've had 2 pregnancies, 1 ending in miscarriage and the other one being an ectopic pregnancy rupture which resulted in removing my right fallopian tube. I am still recovering from surgery. I do have a c section scar and totally understand the pain of walking with that incision. I like that you were able to talk about your pregnancy journey. I will be cleared to try again within the next 7 weeks. I hope that everything will work out in the end.
I'm so sorry your journey has been so rough. I had a miscarriage and then an ectopic as well. I was terrified of another ectopic happening. I got pregnant again exactly one year from the ectopic and thankfully it was in the right spot this time. I have my 5 month old son now. It helped ease some anxiety knowing that because of the history of ectopic, they were monitoring me from basically the moment I peed on the stick to be sure that it wasn't happening again, so I didn't have the fear of not knowing and having a rupture. I hope you have luck in the future ❤️
Sierra I went thru the same post partum anxiety. Intrusive thoughts weeping uncontrollably for no reason wouldn’t sleep had to watch my baby because I was terrified he would stop stop breathing.
Intrusive thoughts can be so common post partum. I'm glad it's better for you now! AND (a little unrelated) a lot of people don't know that intrusive thoughts can be a big part of OCD too. Something I never knew until I started experiencing them, they can be terrifying, demoralizing, and debilitating. If someone sees this, just know, intrusive thoughts PP or in OCD are common, you're not alone, if they're really bad please talk to someone about it 💗
@@charliev4156 I know, I have it. My bad on the wording being off. I was just stating it that way to let others know in case they haven't heard of it or knew it was a thing. The main part is that "they can be a BIG part". For some people it's more manageable and not the worst thing they deal with with OCD. For others, it's not.
The going to the bathroom concern is one I’ve thought about lol.. I am due in February with my first and I think the over worry of silly things happens to me often 😬
I've had 2 c-sections, and I get keloid scars. My scar is very pronounced, but finally flattened out after many years. That said, it still a little numb and I sometimes get a sharp pain when sneezing. It's all worth it though!
This video is already so helpful! I go in tomorrow night for my induction since I’m overdue with baby boy! So thankful for everything you’ve shared about your pregnancy! Thank you!
Hey Sierra! My first baby was an emergency c-section and recovery was exactly how you described it. It actually gave me anxiety about having another baby, and we waited 6 years to have our second. I just had my scheduled second c-section on September 14th and the experience was wildly different. Recovery was so much better because I didn’t labor for 3 days prior to the surgery. Just in case you ever feel worried when you want another baby, just know scheduled c-sections are typically much easier! Also! Your feet grow with each pregnancy. It’s super annoying 😂
I am currently 35 weeks! I’m wondering what you were looking forward to the most postpartum (besides raising a baby and loving her lol!). For me, it’s definitely being able to sleep on my stomach and back again! 😊 love your videos Sierra, thank you for always being so real with us
Omg this!! I agree with you so much. Just a heads up, it was a couple of weeks postpartum before I could sleep on my stomach again as the swelling goes down and your uterus goes back to its normal size. I was super disappointed when I came home and it still wasn't comfortable to sleep on my stomach lol. It will come though.
Thank you for sharing information about your pregnancy and post-partum life. I am no where near ready to have a baby, but it's good to have an idea of what I should be thinking about when I do want to have a baby.
Sorry to hear you were in so much pain after the C Section. It’s insane that in the US we just ignore that you had MAJOR surgery and don’t give you the time you need to recover from that
Thank you for talking about intrusive thoughts. I had the exact same experience as you described. It's very distressing, and if you're not aware that this is common experience I'm sure it can make you feel crazy. I can't remember exactly when it settled down for me, but it did. I also spoke about it with our care providers and my friends which made me feel better about it ❤
I remember not anticipating the seasons and what clothes the baby would need. I can remember having to go out and buy a fall coat when the weather changed unexpectedly. I was not good at knowing what size to buy either. I had to learn to buy a size bigger to get through the growth spurts.
Lol I was cracking up at "what do you do with the baby when you go to the bathroom??" haha those are totally the kinds of things I couldn't picture either. I had zero baby experience before I had my daughter and I was amazed at how these maternal instincts I didn't know I had just immediately kicked in and we just figured it all out!
My baby is 1 day older than Grace and a lot of things you said resonated with me. I’ve dealt with anxiety for the past 10 years so I kind of expected to have some PPA after birth. We have a hallway upstairs that’s open to the downstairs with a banister overlooking the main hallway. Every time I’d walk up there with the baby I had these awful intrusive thoughts that baby was going to fall. 🥺 Also definitely had the “baby is in the bed and I fell asleep” nightmares too. It’s much, much better now at 6 and a half months, but I still always feel like I need to check that the baby is breathing. 🥺 I feel like mentally, I’ve only started feeling like myself at 6 months pp.
I had two pregnancies, I didn’t know my feet would grow and I would loose my hair. I remember crying in the shower as clumps of hair came out. Then getting dressed and trying to put on my favorite outfit (didn’t fit even though I was technically at my pregnancy weight for my first kid) my body had changed shape to much. So I cried some more, then thought at least I’ll wear my favorite shoes so I feel a little cute, but they didn’t fit either. It was just a crushing day. Then a few weeks later I was talking to a mom friend about it, and she was like yes all of that is normal! I hope it’s changed, but part of the prenatal care should be talking about things like hair loss, and foot growth, like prepare mothers for how their bodies might change!
I was not prepared for the changes in body shape even when my weight was the same! My hips are wider than they were previously despite no extra weight. My breasts are the same size but totally different shape. Everything is just distributed a little differently and it's wild.
2 days after I had my second daughter, I was at home picking up my 16 month old after my c section. It was really difficult. I also didn't have any narcotic pain meds. It was tough
I have PCOS and EBF both my babies, it took over a year for my period to return both times, enjoy the break 😉 I experienced lot of these samethings mentioned, the intrusive thoughts still sneak in occasionally but not as severe 😒
Just remember that if not new baby is planned really soon that protection is needed. Even if menstruation is not back yet. I know way to many that get a Ops baby due to menstruation not back what thwy knew so was holding off restarting protection again. Just a little reminder due to it seems to ve missed aot and not allways seem to come up from the after birth controlls
Best Family ever...Grace looks like both you and Steven combined... She is perfect... I am also quite partial to your first two dog face kids... HEY Bowser and Bella...💞🐾 Ruff Ruff
I remember having a very similar dream after having my second. I thought I fell asleep and he was under the covers between my legs, like down by my calf’s. I woke up panicking. Turned out to be like a pillow or the cat, or can’t remember and baby was safe in his bassinet. Those intrusive thoughts and wild dreams are crazy to experience
Also a PCOS mama and girl I feel ya 😂 Before thanksgiving weekend when my period returned while visiting family 🙃 I hadn’t had one since October 3 2019 🤣
i didn't think i would make it to a year and we made it to 18 months before i was tapped out. Shoes are still a pain to find for me. i get men's shoes since they tend to be wider. Also French cut undies are a life saver.
Thank you for being so open and sharing your experience. I had the exact same problem with intrusive thoughts during those early months postpartum and I had no idea it was normal and that many people dealt with it until I heard another mom talking about it. Thanks for helping other moms feel less alone 🤍
Fun fact- if your supply ends up plummeting on the side that you are currently resting, you most likely can continue exclusively pumping with just one breast if you want to do that. I only know this because my daughter refused my right breast starting at 6 weeks old. My supply completely adjusted, and I ended up breastfeeding her solely from my left side for 3.5 years! 😅 Our bodies are amazing!
I used to get like that with my daughter going down the stairs. Every time I'd walk down the stairs I'd see something awful happening. Til she was probably about 1 year old
My c section was a bit crazy! My emergency c section came after failed attempts to spin/flip her after I developed high blood pressure. I was so out of it bc the medicine from the spinal made me so sick. Baby girl was breech and wouldn’t flip! But she’s my little love and husbands twin 😂 Bc of the c section though it made my birth experience confusing. I look at her and still can’t believe this is my baby. But again she’s my husband twin so that’s my little joke, she’s definitely mine, came out of me 110% bc she looks just like him. Those are the thoughts I struggle with. I did not feel like I participated in my own birth bc I spent the whole procedure really sick. Currently trying to cope with that. 15 weeks pp
My daughter is about a month younger than yours and I had a c section too but mine turned into a terrifying thing my baby was stuck in my pelvic bone and so my uterus is cut in an upside down T and I lost half my blood count
On the contrary to your experience, I didn't have those intrusive thoughts in the beginning. I thought I was so lucky, that I didn't get those or ppd, but low and behold, they hit me hard around the 6 months mark, especially the ppd, which lasted I would say about a year. My daughter was born in may of 2020, so I do think that the whole covid situation going on was definitly a part of my intrusive thoughts and ppd, givin the fact that they started right around the 2nd lockdown in late October-early November of 2020 (I live in France). And to be completely honest, I think it just went away barely a couple of weeks ago. So, not to scare you or any new mom, but do take the fact that post partum depression can come later after birth, and isn't automatically right away... Anyways, sending you lots of love to you and your family from France ❤️
Omg I have those same fears about thinking my 2 month old has somehow made it into our bed.. like maybe I fed him and fell asleep and now he's wrapped up in the bed. Glad I'm not alone and hoping it will go away soon 😥
I have a two month old and I can really relate to waking up in a panic and the intrusive thoughts. It was really bad the first two weeks and then slowly decreased. I would also wake up in a panic thinking he as lost somewhere in the bed under the sheets and when walking around I would imagine his tiny body hitting the ground and dying. It was awful!
If this comes as as intrusive i don't mean for it to be but did you have anxieties about becoming pregnant and passing on bipolar disorder? I'm not trying to shame I think that's everyone personal choice but for me and some other people that I've talked to online with bipolar disorder a lot of us have gone back and forth on having or not having babies because of the increase risk of passing on bipolar disorder because it can be so debilitating. In my case my dad has severe bipolar 1 and I have more mild bipolar started but there is still about a 10-15% chance (depending on what source you look at). Did that factor in at all for you?
I had dreams like that for the longest time within my daughters first year. Super terrifying. I suffered with a TON of PPA, and slight PPD. My hair loss is out of control still… a year later 🥲 it’ll get better at some point, right? 😅 Sending so much love and support your way. Love your content. Your bright personality is so contagious. Thank you 💕
When it came to baby fever I wanted a baby.. I didn’t want to go through a similar labor situation though. We waited over 2 years before getting pregnant again
Okay, so the one thing I’m genuinely concerned about pregnancy is my feet growing! I am 5’5 and I have a size 10, occasionally an 11 for like sandals and im terrified by my foot growing anymore. It’s so hard to find a size 11 shoe for women that are cute.. for me at least (p.s. - I used to be a assistant manager for a shoe shoe and they hardly carried size 11 in stores and a small quantity of size 10 😥)
When I was pregnant I kept having this recurring dream, where I kept forgetting my baby in a closet. I would just live my life and then suddenly remember that "Crap! I had a baby!" and then found it in the closet or somewhere else. I am suffering from a depression and I was being afraid of being an unfit mom (I still am and my son is 6 yo). I also had this irrational fear during pregnancy, that some random person would beat me up or do something else to cause me a miscarriage. Pregnancy and hormones cause weird things to your brain.
When I was in 3rd grade, my dad came home one night, completely freaked out. He thought he hit a school bus full of "babies." My baby sister (a few months old) was in her bassinet. We showed him that she was just fine. Then, he looked around and realized my 6-year-old brother wasn't there. He started freaking out again, thinking he had killed him. We had to wake him up and get him to go into the living room. He has always had difficulty waking up and was kind of limping as we brought him in. Dad saw and was positive my brother's leg was broken and he wanted to drive him to the hospital. We talked him out of that and everyone went to bed. After that night, dad decided he needed to stop drinking. He is 40 years sober now.
I have intrusive thoughts (thanks anxiety) I’ve had them well before my first baby was born. I use delayed reaction to try and desensitize myself. I also *know* I’m having an intrusive thought and I try to combat it with logic. It doesn’t always work but sometimes it does
