During my first son’s birth literally I’m feeling the pressure and about to push and as my husband is standing there in a laughing joking voice says ”you sure you want more than one!?” If looks could kill… he still talks about this mistake to this day. I’m 39+2 with baby 3 today!
As a woman who is expecting, the last thing I want is to be reduced to the term “birthing person”. Women lose so much of themselves in motherhood, especially during pregnancy and labor. We’re not merely “birthing people”. We are human beings who need to be acknowledged individually and empowered as women for the one thing that only women alone can do.
you taught me so much when I was pregnant at 16 I binge watched all of your videos , i’m now 25 planning on trying again for another baby so I’m so glad I found you , your videos always ease my mind !!
I would say that being able to calm yourself and control your emotional response is key to being a support person in any medical situation. My mom had a knee replacement a few years ago, and my dad's reaction was basically all of the things Sarah says not to do in this video - pacing, getting super anxious, blowing up at the doctors and nurses when he didn't think they were paying enough attention (ok, Sarah doesn't mention this one but it's one I would add). It ended up stressing my mom out a lot more when she was already in pain from the surgery - frankly she didn't want him around for her recovery because she felt like she had to take care of him emotionally rather than being able to focus on her own needs. I love my dad dearly. He is a great person who is extremely loving and caring, and I know he did all those things out of worry and love for my mom, but it was exactly the opposite of what she needed. Toning down your own emotions - especially in stressful situations - is a skill, and not one that everyone has. It absolutely can be learned and practiced, but the person has to understand the value of it and actively want to learn!
My first pregnancy labor started shortly after my husband and I went to bed. I didn't wake him right away because I knew there wasn't much to do in early labor other than just rest or go about your normal day. When it became clear that it was progressing and moving towards the time to head to the hospital I had to wake my husband 3 times before he finally registered what I was saying 🤦♀️ I had to walk him through what to still grab and I was the one to get him a snack or maybe it was coffee or something to help wake him up. I was also the one to direct him to the right entrance to the hospital because he swore he knew where he was going but didn't realize it was a separate entrance from the main hospital entrance 🤦♀️ overall I was able to be alright with it although I may have snapped at him a couple times when he yawned because he at least had 2-3hrs of sleep while I had maybe 45min and a cat nap. Lessons learned, do the dry run anyway. Make sure your birth partner knows exactly where to go and make an actual list of what still needs to be grabbed. Have go snacks at the ready for your partner. My second pregnancy labor started in the afternoon so we were both awake for it but everything went a LOT smoother. We had the bags and list of last minutes in one place. We had his go snacks for the car and we made sure to double check where to go. I will also throw in make sure you pack your labor essentials in a separate bag and go over with your birth partner exactly where everything is. It makes it a lot easier to say a short "I'm hot" and your birth partner to know "hair ties are in this pocket." I also make and go over copies of my birth preferences and include a page with my important medical info so my husband can help answer questions if I'm in the zone. Worked beautifully my second pregnancy. I can vaguely recall the nurse asking my husband if I had pain management preferences and he was able to answer and get me the nitrous oxide faster than waiting for me to respond between contractions and interrupt my flow.
Hi Sarah, Love your videos have watched them for my previous 2 births. Re watching in preparation for my 3rd. My husband and I came up with a signal that said I’m having a contraction so he and the staff wouldn’t ask me questions or expect a response during a contraction. Nothing more frustrating than someone repeatedly asking me a question and expecting an answer while “I’m busy” haha give me time to respond please 😂
I missed your videos content a lot. Had a scared moment that was afraid of you not doing youtube no more❤️❤️❤️, i learnt so much from you for my first pregnancy. glad you are back!!!
My husband has read all the books and is so up for being my birth partner! But!!! I hadn't thought about the smelly foods thing because he loves his coffee! Will send him this video as I can also imagine him having nervous energy trying to help but not being calm. Thank you for this, just in time as well as I'm 39 + 3!!!
I’m wondering what you’d prefer she use to be inclusive to all experiences? I’m betting most people would say to use “mom” but not everyone who gives birth is the child’s mom. Surrogacy and adoption are things that happen where the person giving birth may not be comfortable being called the mom. But everyone who gives birth is a person.
I agree! There is no way to describe how cringe-worthy hearing “birthing person” is to me! I find it extremely disrespectful as a woman and mother and downright disgusting as a childbirth educator and doula. It is not evidence-based, it’s not based in reality or truth - it just placates to a small fraction of the population at the expense of others. People want to call this “inclusive language” yet it is anything but. I love Sarah, and I recommend her RU-vid videos as supplements to my lessons and consultations… but the more I hear this language, the more I rethink using her materials and just making my own. My challenge is time, since I also homeschool and I have 2 children with chronic and debilitating health conditions. JUST STOP PLEASE!
Omg my husband was guilty of falling asleep and complaining to the midwives how exhausted dad's are how they should have a comfy room to rest.... during my first labour. I was SO annoyed it still annoys me 5 years later😂
Great advice! I need all of the information I can find. …just one caveat. Along the lines of “things not to say” - “birther person”? 😑 Ugh. That’s like a tuna sandwich in a delivery room. Just saying. Thanks for the advice all the same 👍
I love your videos so much! During my first pregnancy I watched everything you made and I had a successful unmedicated vaginal birth in the hospital. Thank you! Will you make a twin video? I just found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant with twins!
Not sure if you’ve answered this question before, but I was wondering if you are required to have a fundal massage after you give birth or can you opt out if you want to? What are the risks/benefits of having fundal massages post birth verses opting out?
Your uterus not contracting is the top reason for a postpartum hemorrhage. Assessing your uterus is a very important assessment in the immediate postpartum period to ensure it is firm and to assess what your bleeding is doing. It can help assess any bleeding issues including clots, trickles, and big gushes. As with everything in Healthcare, you can refuse it but I would highly recommend you let your healthcare providers assess your uterus routinely in the immediate postpartum period. Letting our bodies do it the natural way can often mean a postpartum hemorrhage... maternal mortality is often avoidable with frequent assessments that can lead to early interventions.
I just found your channel! I’m 31 weeks !! I’ll be 32 Saturday but omg I just love your attitude / atmosphere ( pregnancy brain - can’t think of the correct word but I hope you understand lol 😅)
Speaking from my labor experience, I wouldn’t even recommend parters sleep while the mother sleeps… my husband fell asleep at the same time as me when I was in early labor and when I woke up with painful contractions, he WOULD NOT wake up no matter what I did. I had zero support because it was the middle of the night and Iended up quickly asking for an epidural.
Not all birthing people are mothers, though. There are surrogates, people who give the baby up for adoption, and many other types of people who give birth. Just like how the “birth partner” may not be a husband. It may be a sister, and friend, a doula, a mother, a nurse, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, etc, At the end of the day, we’re all people. Therefore “birthing person” and “support person” are the best blanket terms to use when you have as large of an audience as Sarah does. 🙂
