Aloha Ms Ryan, "The first one being that when you focus on your own interests or Hobbies or personal goals, you develop a stronger sense of self. And this helps you become more confident, more independent. Which then, can benefit you in all areas of your life, and specifically, in the future: a romantic relationship this also helps you to avoid being co - dependent". I think I have found this out the hard way. No, I'm not some Romeo genius, but it's clear everyone needs to have their own life and identity. As I've said before on another video: I used to be a drug addict. That and other self destructive lives exist, in part, due to a lack of being someone you are proud of. An fake and aminless existence. It also gives confidence and passion. And finally, without this regardless who the person is will never have anything TO CONNECT with others. OR themselves. Plus, without this you will easily damaged and knock down by life and people. David
Dear Ms. Ryan, Some of my friends are wondering what it would be like to marry an American woman ... What are the character traits and behavior patterns typical of women born and raised in the US? ... Are they the same as the sensitive, supportive and selfless kind of women portrayed in all those Hallmark movies? Or is the reality totally different? Could you please make a video covering this issue? Thank you ... - Moscow, Russia
@saitama3795 one of us is projecting. It isn't me. My statement is simply a cautious one. When making bold statements, time is often forgotten about. For everything else, you filled it in, not me.
#7: If she dated you in your early 20's then years later recontacts you in your late 20's it means she's running low on options. You're her last choice.
@@GoldenMushroom64 Yeah kinda but not really. Having a woman go radio silent on you for 10 years to return and ask you about marriage while at lunch is such a red flag. Like imagine if a man did that.
Ive come out of a 5 year relationship and am fresh on the dating “scene”. I’ve noticed a massive change from just 5 years ago. The sense of entitlement of women is staggering. The amount of work it takes to get a date is staggering. When you get a date nothing is brought to the table and everything is expected of you. I’m exhausted already…….
Sadly this is 100% accurate. I would comfortably put myself in the top 20% of guys and when I was super proactive on dating sites I landed about one date a month but only after a TON of work. And those dates RARELY went past two dates.
@@Mancer1980 The negative ramifications for society are huge. Yet all you hear is how women are the victims of the patriarchy. Population collapse incoming.
You're one of the few women on this whole site that actually looks out for men instead of regurgitating everything said from a manosphere channel. Major props. That being said, ever since my gf dumped me in November 2022, I focus on me and my contentment. I enjoy my job, my friends, and the life I'm currently molding for myself. Happiness comes and goes away.
@@stanrivers9765 There's no point telling women to do better, they won't listen. Improve yourself for your own benefit, then if you find a woman who respects you and is worth keeping around great if not that's fine too.
She's a youtube business brother. A plumber doesn't fix your toilet because he cares about your bowel movements. He just does what he needs to do to eat and pay bills. All these red pill females just filled a 20 year old void in the red pill market place.
I'm at that point in my life where I'm simply enjoying life in its entirety, romantic partner or not. The older you get, the more you under that life is really about perspective and that how you choose to look at your life is how much you will or won't enjoy it, and for me I've just really found a new zest for living by not being in my head all the time and just living everyday like it's truly my last.
90% is absurd. If 90% of your relationship is work, that's a job and will never last. Yes it takes work to make a relationship last, but 90% is just stupid.
Happiness is a decision you can make at any moment and is completely and utterly detached from your external circumstances. This is scientifically proven.
@@Swearengen1980 Marriage is a duty. Happiness should be a result of that duty but most people nowadays don't wanna do the duty. I'm referring to both men and women. Broken people everywhere.
You can’t force anyone to love you! Exactly. That point is so important especially for single guys to hear. A lot of times out of desperation because single guys don’t have pools of women to choose from it becomes hard. But gotta stay strong in that resolve
A woman's interest level is the first and most important factor any guy should be looking to find. IF she is very interested, and the guy doesn't screw it up by chasing or turning her off, AND she has a sense of humor, integrity (loyalty/trust), and can function as an independent human, and her interest level stays high, then she's a keeper. It is sometimes very difficult to keep a woman's interest level high for decades. It helps if she realizes how horrible the dating market will be for her with age/kids... not because you try to scare her, but just the actual reality.
The technique I have found that within three seconds there is a spark. Take it from there. You are not there to chase women they make the decisions if they want you they will hav3 you.
@@julianwaugh8221 exactly, they'll decide whether or not they like you within the first few seconds of meeting you, and theres nothing you can do to change the outcome after that, whether it be positive or negative. the effort should be in meeting many people, not pouring all your effort into one person whos not interested anyway
It's tough getting out of my own head. I'm trying my best to see that people are not actually out to get me as my mind is. After that it should be easier finding a relationship.
I used to be very codependent with women and seek validation from them. I got burned badly. However, I learned that women don’t define who I am and I now value my own identity. Contentment doesn’t come from someone else. Thank you Courtney for your advice!
Important things as well: 1:31 First thing - Find happiness and fulfillment in other ways; 3:40 Second thing - You have to put an effort; 6:44 Third thing - There are still good women; 8:25 Fourth thing - Have standards, and don't chase women; 9:34 Fifth thing - Nourishing your friendship too; 11:27 Sixth thing - Enjoy your own company; 12:54 to summarize all the told as well. Some of these things that you have told, that goes also for women as well (believe it or not). I can add one other thing among the all mentioned things as well. And that is working on your self-confidence. I remember one thing that my mother told me as well long time ago when I was wondering when will I ever find a girl. She told this thing when I was at my previous studies (I think I even mentioned that is some of your videos as well): " Son, when you solve all your obligations, only then will girls want to be with you." When I listened to you Courtney I have remembered few quotes that I saw somewhere, and some of them I have even mentioned them on some of your videos as well. And they go like this: 1. Robin Williams told this: "It's not the worst thing when you're alone. The worst thing is when you're in society that makes you feel lonely." 2. Vladeta Jerotić (you can find about that person on internet as well if you are interested) once told this: "Those people who love solitude are those people who have paid dearly for someone's presence in society." 3. The Patriarch Pavle (Paul - you can also find about that person on internet as well if you are interested) once told this: "It will be better, when we are feeling better." But from all the told here the conclusion would be this (and that goes for either men, and women as well): "It will be better, when we are feeling better."
As a man, allow me to just give a few more points to add to what she said. 1) Your happiness is in your control. Do not depend on others to make you happy, because if they go, you're left feeling empty. Instead, think of relationships as two people coming together for a shared purpose / goal. Do not depend on them to keep you happy. You must make yourself happy first. 2) Go to the gym. Get in shape. It's easier to be attractive if you're already physically attractive. But you have to put in the work yourself. Why be mopey and sad that so and so is luckier than you? When you could've worked hard yourself? 3) You have to initiate. As a man, you have to approach first. Make the first move. Women can only give so many hints, but if you don't make the first move, nothing will happen. 4) Time. You only have so much time and energy before you'll eventually grow old. Don't waste it chasing girls. I'd rather you put all that time and effort into your craft and be the best version that you can be than waste all that over the surrounding girls. Because at the end of the day, if you've worked hard, done your best, and eventually, become the best version that you can offer, what have you lost? Even getting women is so much easier when you've so much to offer.
@@GibusGibbers Yes I agree with all the told as well. I might add some of the things as well. And those are: 1. On firstly told that means thing such as: "It will be better, when we are feeling." 2. You don't need to just go to gym. You can do some other sports as well. 3. Yes I agree with all the told here. But give her something that she wants to see that you're interested (in that hints, and signs such as wink). 4. Agree with workings on our craft. And also just like mother told me this: Son, when you solve all your obligations, only then will girls want to be with you." Someone can agree with her, someone can disagree with her which is quite normal, but that's true believe it or not.
I wouldn’t normally follow channels like this ie: dating, relationship advice etc.. but your advice really is spot on.. very honest and realistic, too many people talk bs which messes with men’s and womans head, here the advice is on point 👍
A lot of these, if not all of them, still apply to non-single men as well. All of these are great to know/consider when it comes to finding a relationship, but also should be maintained during the relationship. I think a lot of people fail in relationships because they lose who they are and their sense of purpose, which can often cause the attraction your spouse has for you to fade.
Very true. It's good if a long term couple has a sense that they are good for each other, benefiting each other, and that the grass isn't always greener. It's good if a woman sees some videos on how bad the dating scene is for older women, or if she hears stories about it. Once she breaks up her family and destroys her kids to file for divorce to be with a co-worker or something, once that first family is gone, after that everything is a blended/broken situation if she even gets into another relationship at all. And men, no love for YOU/US is EVER unconditional.
After months of trying to get a date and get to know people, a good amount of matches on dating apps as well. It’s kind of exhausting, especially when nothing usually comes out of it. A lot of effort with minimal gains. Not a recipe for success. I go through phases of looking then getting exhausted then back and forth. Dating is terrible now a days
Men make sure she hasn't been in previous bad relationships and dumps her problems on you. Don't resolve them for her. Don't always believe she's the only one because you got rejected. Even attractive men get rejected. Don't take it too personal.
The vast majority of women had been in at least one "bad" relationship, especially in the West. It's exceedingly rare that a woman has not once let her hypergamy get the best of her.
The best advice I would give single men nowadays would be to give up dating and start focusing on yourself. Learn to redefine your character and build confidence without seeking the validation of others.
Hi Courtney. I do like the quote you cited about unhealed people. I wish there were more women agreeing with this. Most women I come across are very unforgiving for anything that might be wrong with me, even though I have minimized it a lot over the years. And that while I have always been an understanding person for them...
Have you sought out support or counselling.Try and meet like minded nicer friends.I know from my experience some people can be unforgiving and I am learning to not associate myself with toxic friends.
@Wonderwoman79G I did counseling years ago. You don't shake off everything, and you never stop learning. Unfortunately, it is not written on people's forehead, whether they are toxic or not...
If a relatoinship feels like "a sexond job withuot getting paid", then, it obviously wasn't the right relatinship. Yes IT DOES TAKE SOME EFFORT to have a happy relationship--but, it shouldn't be a "JOB". Good luck o finding a more compatible partner next time!!! She's out there.
Work on yourself, have interests, stay fit, improve your career, etc... then you want to find a good woman, the most important thing you should look for is her interest level. Keep it in your head that she could ghost you at any second, and just have fun dating her once or twice a week. Don't rush into bed. Just have a good time, don't chase, don't kiss her butt... and IF she is interested in you she will actively try to help you to date her and make time for you. At some point show her your wild side. If she's trustworthy, fun, and functional, you might have a keeper.
@@RealYRM some solid advice right there, like basically don't make her your thing in life and just keep being yourself while enjoying other things in life
@@Kenny-ep2nf Right, it's just like being single, at least at first, except sometimes you're with her. I also had a rule to only date one person at a time because it's exhausting and potentially risky to do more, and if I did find a good one, I might mess it up. But at the same time, until she showed her worth consistently, I made sure just to stay having fun and not worry about what she was going to do. What women also miss is that a man gets "less cool" "less rock-star" when he actually cares about her, because he actually cares if she keeps her word and stays loyal and stays interested. But if you have a potential good one, after 3 months or so if you start to really care about her, you can sort of explain it... but the door for her must always be open. If a woman feels trapped I think she's more likely to leave, and if she does leave, she's going to leave heavy, with lawyers or revenge or that kind of stuff. If she thinks you're solid, and would hold the door open for her and even work with her a little, she's more likely to just work with you on something that's actually reasonable.
You can have all the self love in the world, doesn't mean anyone else is going to love or be interested in you. I hate the self love false narrative, its almost as exhausted and boring a platitude as "theres someone out there for all of us. Self love makes little difference if every woman you encounter is a penis size shaming girth obsessed skank that bullies, body shames, degrades, dehumanizes and publically humiliates your genital size to all their skanky dick size shaming obsessed ratty friends.
She's a youtube business brother. A plumber doesn't fix your toilet because he cares about your bowel movements. He just does what he needs to do to eat and pay bills. All these red pill females just filled a 20 year old void in the red pill market place.
@@Bennysol yeah, but I got a feeling Courtney is one of the genuine ones. For starters, she's married to a man who she clearly loves. So there isn't any incentive for her to do this for attention. And yes, she gets paid, but everyone on RU-vid gets paid. And her words are actually rational and not wrapped in agenda. She isn't catering to men's ego, as she's constantly saying that there are good women out there and having a "all women are bad" mindset is unproductive. You can just see that she does actually care. It's not like with Justpearlythings where she just reads a sheet of all of the red pill talking points and regurgitate them. When female RU-vidrs sound just like the most popular red pillers, that's when you know its probably fake.
Totally agree with you ✌. She shoots from the hip. Very articulate in her Deliverey with lot of heart. Got to love her style. Go Courtney ✌😎🙆♂️👨💻🧘♂️💖🌹
#1 Hypergamy #2 Briffault's Law #3 Pareto Principle. 80/20 Rule. #4 Set the tone early on so you don't put yourself in her friend zone. #5 Self confidence. #6 Hit the gym.
@@t5396 none because 1000 swipes lead to 2 matches with crazy. Can't have experience when all you do is chase f-boy 48925. Feel like being single forever is much better. If I can make good money, why not just hire an escort for sex and affection? NO hassle, no bickering, no nothing. Just what I want? The unrealistic standards of women are still going higher. The only women who are kind / see you are either kids or women in their 30s or 40s with kids. The rest are all about getting drunk and getting that fuck boy. They only want to settle once they got their "fun" and have nothing to show for it.
I definitely needed to hear this. I was talking to a girl who decided to flake at the last minute without rescheduling our date. It definitely hurt my confidence and trust in women, but I will continue to do my part and keep moving forward.
@Randy yeah I heard that instead of risking getting hurt by a rejected guy, they would rather get your hopes up and ghost you later. I would rather a girl straight up tell me that she doesn't like me, so it will be 10x easier to move on. But it gets annoying after it happened so many times.
@@imb4928 yeah that literally happened to me like last week. She told me she wanted to go on a second date and literally ghosted me. What made it worse is that I was sick after the date and it seemed like she was only pretending to care.
@Randy whatever the reason, just remember that if a girl does that, then she probably isn't mature enough to handle an actual relationship if she is faking everything. Side note as much as I hate to admit it, no girl owes you her time, so I try not to get too upset since nobody owes me anything. But your feelings are valid, and it's disrespectful for a human to not put effort into a relationship.
That point "noursih your friendship too" , soooooo much important, once I sat down and took a notebook in which I wrote down a question that even if I never had any special memories, bonds, moments with my crush why couldn't I forget her, I asked this question to myself and wrote down all the reasons, I knew my weakness and I wrote down one of the reason that I don't have any social life. Because I shifted from City to my hometown during the pandemic where I don't have even a single friend and seeing this beautiful girl who is my neighbour is one of horrible emotional experience of my life but I learnt a lot during this time of around 2.5 years.
As far as dating, and "putting yourself out there" goes, how do you keep doing that if you've done nothing but gotten rejected over and over despite continuing to do so; having made a serious, and conscious effort to improve yourself - hygiene, physical appearance, grooming, wardrobe, etc; yet none of that has made a difference? Not saying I've given up hope - or ever will - (Maybe I'm too stupid to get the message lol) - but getting constantly rejected really sucks; and even moreso when you've made the effort TO improve yourself but that hasn't mattered or made a difference? Not to mention that women want a man to like them for how they CURRENTLY are (after having done whatever they did to get them to this point - including their FLAWS) so why shouldn't a man be allowed to expect, or want the same courtesy? Why should they HAVE TO BE "PERFECT" in ALL aspects basically before they even might get even a FIRST look, let alone a second one? Again putting in the effort is no problem; I actually enjoy trying to improve myself. Hell it SAVED my life - literally. In fact a little over 5 years ago when I was obese, living in my car, and had to be hospitalized for 6 months (with a couple of brief 2-3 day discharges) because of a severe heel ulcer thanks to 30+ years of T2 Diabetes, the third time I had to go back to the hospital the head ER Doctor told me, "If you go back to your car, you'll either lose your foot, lose your leg (via amputation), or lose your life." So when I was finally able to be discharged after finding an apartment, and after an embarrassing accident I finally smartened and woke the hell up and decided to SAVE MY LIFE. Now 5 years later I feel better than I ever have, I'm in my best shape in over 40 years, care more about my appearance than I ever have - thanks in no small part to your great channel as well as a few others - so putting in the effort is not an issue or a problem whatsoever. It's the lack of those efforts having seemed to make a difference or matter after continuously, and constantly hearing that doing such things is what will make a difference. Yet they haven't meant Diddly Squat. So what's the point? And yeah yeah "For my health, to make ME feel better about myself" and all that other touchy feely crap lol, but in reality we all have our limits of how much we can take - or better yet - GIVE of ourselves and getting nothing in return before we're bound to eventually say, "Why bother?" Thing is, I will never quit, never stop trying TO better myself to try and be the best me I can possibly be. Even if no one else notices, or gives a damn. 😁
@ST-TV I get that. I'm trying to stick up for men here. Why does ALL the burden and responsibility have to fall on us? Why do women have to be so demanding, and unreasonably PICKY aka basically expecting "PERFECTION" before even looking at a guy, or giving him the time of day; yet EXPECTING any man to accept her for HOWEVER she is - INCLUDING her flaws, and faults? That's basically my point. Why is ALL the onus on us? Yet when we actually DO put in the effort it STILL doesn't matter, but still no one ever blames the women for being TOO DAMN PICKY. LOL. Men always get accused of wanting someone "Out of their league", yet women never are. Why not? Now that might be an interesting topic for Courtney. (Even a video with some of her friends she sometimes has, and she can ask them directly, A - "What type of man do you want?" and B - "What makes you think you deserve someone like that?" ("What do you bring to the table?" etc) (Other than the obvious. - on both parties)
@@jasonhurst8599 There is no "stick up for men" it does not work. As long as kids are brought up by mostly single mothers and culture is anti-male then you are forever fighting a lost fight. Be smarter than that. Understand the situation and cut your losses. These women will never change. And the next generation of women will be even worse. All you can do is use your inisiative as a man and vote with your feet. Sure it would be cool if there were actual big entities fighting for your rights, then you might have a change and a reason to stay and assist in that fight, but there is NOTHING. West is done for 90% of men. So if you ACTUALLY value yourself, go where others will value you too.
Reading these lines helped me a ton recently. My thanks to Mark Manson. Self love isn't proportional to how we feel about our successes. It's how we feel about our failures. No matter whether they're good or bad when we adopt values in our lives we also choose to accept the dark underbelly of those values. The mark of true self esteem is not feeling like you lack nothing - it's being comfortable with what you lack.
I wasn't expecting this but rather another 'woman's perspective' on what men need to to so this was nice - some good advice on bettering yourself and finding what you love and what brings you emotional and spiritual connection, great advice Courtney TY.
I hope Courtney realizes that her advice isnt just useful for single men. Watching this channel and learning from it has helped save a ho-hum marriage where we were ready to have bought into the idea that we'd grown apart and just lived with being unhappy. We're at 26 years going on 27 here and we're making a very, very strong comeback HERE and NOW, and some of it came from changing my own demeanor and that's where it ties into something Courtney brough up in this very video: Learning to be happy with yourself. Once you learn to be happy with yourself, you won't rely on others to give you that and wind up losing faith in other people because they will ultimately fail. Once you're happy with yourself, you can be made happy because of this, You can give out your best and look for the people that are giving you their best. I was getting my wife's best and simply refusing to look at it because I didn't recognize that it was actually myself who I was unhappy with. Thanks for reading, those of you who've made it this far.
Nothing makes you happy indefinitely, it’s a fleeting emotion. Relationships can provide happy moments, but as a result of the obstacles a couple encounters throughout life, it serves as a long lasting source of meaning and forward movement.
When people say "I need my SO!" or "I can't live without my SO!" CRINGE!!! NO! You don't NEED them and you CAN live without them. Don't be codependent.
The point you make about needing a circle of other men who you are close to and are friends with, this is totally correct. Whenever I’m in a relationship, I still seek out my friends and hang out with them. But some of my other friends don’t do the same thing. When they’re in a relationship, they end up solely focusing on their girlfriend and they come running back to hang out with me after they break up. I just wanna hang out with everybody. I shouldn’t just be the friend that everyone hangs out with when they are broken up with.
Male friends are a waste of time for the reason you state lol As you say, the vast majority of blokes, as soon as they get the slightest hint of a girlfriend or laid once, end up disappearing, your friendship no longer matters because they're getting laid for once lol Of course as soon as these blokes get dumped and no longer have their new girlfriends to hang out with all day, you suddenly get a message asking you hows it going and if you want to suddenly hang out again haha Other negative aspects of haivng a group of male friends include if these type of men are sexually active/hooking up/massively endowed girth heroes to women then you get pidgeon holed in the group as the loser who can't get laid, add in some penis size shaming because some nasty woman has told everyone in the group blah blah Who the hell would want a "circle of male friends" like this. If you're a struggling guy to date these days aka an "incel" small D vibes loser to society and these women, then you're only option is to seek a group of male friends who also aren't exactly prolific dating. Or else its just "incel" and penis size shaming themed bullying you're going to have to put up with all day from these "friends".
I don't know if I live in a wrong enviroment, or if my experience with male friends(being a male myself) is a exception from the rule, but 9/10 of your male friends are not your friends, they are two-faced snakes. If they are doing better than you in life they will use every opportunity they have to rub it in your nose, and to remind you that they are doing better then you(not in a productive way). On the other hand if you are doing better then them, they will always try to sabotage you. It's far better of keeping your friends at a distance.
As introvert i find out it very hard to be the "social Magnet " that women find attractive, i'm not a man's man who hangs out drinking beers with guys . My best advice to guys and introverts would be go to an evening class at college , it's not a hookup choice , but it will help meet like minded people and benefit you mentally and possibly socially .
I know this is besides the point. I've had someone knock on my door. She was a great girl, but I was not looking. Courtney is right. You can't date for those reasons. You have to learn to be comfortable and be happy with yourself from within. That is what I'm personally looking for, among other things. Someone to fully knows them selves and are comfortable and independently happy.
Very well done! @CourtneyRyan this is one of your best videos, lately. I agree with all of the things you said, and it took me a long time to realize those lessons.
@@HBG313 funny story. I asked a female friend for advice for where to take a girl on a first date. She said to take her somewhere fun like a destruction room ( a place filled with things your allowed to break) so I did just that. We had some food and drinks and then broke shit while listening to awesome music. Then we ended up having sex not that long after. A Womens advice got my dick wet.
With all due respect as much as I enjoy your videos all they have done is convince me to avoid relationships with women. It is just not worth the effort. All I hear from RU-vidrs is that women want men to always take the lead, to make sure the woman feels safe and comfortable, etc., etc. this suggests to me that women want men to constantly entertain them and take care of them. So much for a partnership. My interpretation of all of this is an adult-child relationship. This is the problem of modern women: constant mixed messages. Why should I bother constantly entertain a woman? Being alone, I am already going non-stop. Why put in the extra effort? Women don’t want a partner, they want a bodyguard, minion, slave, mind-reading robot and ATM. Not once do you identify what a woman does to benefit a man.
Love is a need and not everyone gets it. Women are the least interested in men then they’ve ever been and for a big contingency of men there’s nothing you can do to change that. So learn to be happy being single even though most can never be because love is a psychological need to climb maslows hierarchy
I’ve been watching your videos for a while now, and I’ve found your advice has really improved my social skills. I no longer have anxiety in social settings, and I find it really easy to talk to people and navigate conversations with both men and women. Thank you for everything you do, Courtney.
I've been waiting for this comment for two years. Most people comment how good are her advices and recommendations, however NO ONE addresses what kind of changes specifically or progress they have accomplished through the years because of it. CONGRATS TO YOU.
True, you don’t have to be fully healed when you’re in a relationship, but I really believe you must be someone that has done a considerable amount of work and have much of your personal issues handled. If you have too many unhealed parts in your life, you’re only going to contribute to Dysfunction in the relationship. A man should be the rock and a woman is usually the emotional waves that crash upon that rock. Men need to be strong for their women. And it doesn’t mean that a man can’t show some emotions, but he shouldn’t fall apart regularly with his woman. Do that with men you trust. Expressing how he feels, etc. is OK. Too much emotional weakness only makes a woman feel insecure.
Easy to pretend to be an advocate for single average guys when you're being paid to exploit these men for ad revenue and money. These women really don't give a shit about your plight or these struggling men. Courtney laughs at her own micropenis shaming scenarios/questions, shes that much of an advocate for struggling below average men when it comes to their dating issues. lol what a joke
She's a youtube business brother. A plumber doesn't fix your toilet because he cares about your bowel movements. He just does what he needs to do to eat and pay bills. All these red pill females just filled a 20 year old void in the red pill market place.
Responding to your first point, I'd say I'm a rather happy person normally. One of my reasons for wanting to enter a relationship are to share that happiness with someone. One thing I've noticed after going on many dates is that there are a lot of people out there who actively reject other people's happiness. It's shocking and concerning. It's as if people (women on dates but I've found this among my guy friends as well) WANT to be miserable. I don't understand it and it's made dating a lot harder. Finding a woman who can generate her own happiness is becoming rarer and rarer unfortunately.
The best advice I ever got as a single man was to not get hung up on the fact that I'm single and get hung up on self improvement. Women are incredibly narcissistic. If you don't fawn over them they notice and take it as a challenge 😂
@@fischersfritz468 completely true this delusional line that if you just focus on yourself forever women will magically be drawn to you like magnetism is false. All it will demonstrate to them is how alone you are spending so much time on yourself that you become even less desirable.
How can I have high self-esteem when no woman gives me a chance, and I have no real relationship in the past? How can I have and develop social skills if all the girls don't even reply to my messages?
1:40 This is exactly the reason I prioritize pursuing goals and accomplishments, and staying on purpose, instead of people. People in general, and women in particular, are much too fickle. One of life's hardest lessons is to learn that with people, you can do everything right and still come up empty. They will drop you like an anchor at any time, with or without cause. Pursue your passions kings, and the right people will find their way into your life
NO there are no good women left out there without kids who are worth my time and money it's just a giant waste of time to even try with any woman nowadays
Happiness is just the opposite of suffering. The meaning of life, for most people other than psychotics, is to reduce suffering for themselves and others. Without suffering, we wouldn't recognize happiness.
Been divorced for 9 years and haven't been able to find a decent girl since. BUT I'm incredibly happy chasing excellence. Meanwhile my ex wife continues to get ran through by disgusting guys, even got married and divorced again, and is very unhappy.
Plans and Promises Something all men need to remember: women hear everything you plan to do and file it away in their minds. So as the relationship continues, they are looking for you to fulfill that promise. Even though to you it doesn't seem to be a promise, and when it's not fulfilled she begins to loose faith in you as a provider. This is an automatic emotional response, as part of her instinctual behavior, and part of how women process information in relationships. And NOT something she can change, because it's instinctual. Part of how a man pulls in a woman on a date, is by sharing his ideas and plans for their union. Everything that is spoken out loud with her, needs to be produced. This includes all ideas of doing things, going places or owning things. A man who is a good provider will always perform the plans he speaks of, and this in turn will build a closer connection with her. When a man shares plans and promises without truly having the intention of actually doing it, he will find himself in the bewilderment of his woman's wrath, and not understanding where all this resentment came from!? "Well buddy, this is it". It is exceptionally important for a man to do what he says he will, or "ONLY keep those ideas in his thoughts". This needs to be an active practice for most men, or get used to the idea of living in the doghouse. So think before you speak. Be mindful about the quality you provide, so she knows what to expect. So start small and slow.
@@ohjay7612 Yeah, that's one of the strange things I notice about this kind of content... a lot of this stuff is like a mantra or prayer... Do this for yourself... not for a girl... As if this entire youtube space isn't entirely dedicated to attracting women... And the same thing about "just be happy alone." If anyone were that satisfied and happy being alone, they probably wouldn't be here. I mean, I understand what they're trying to do... but strange that for a community (at least somewhat) related to "being redpilled," we have to lie to each other about those primal drives... needs... desires... as if none of it matters if you have a cool hobby.
@@zipperpig said it way better than I could. Thank you. Why are we supposed to pretend that being lonely with no sex and no family is something to be content with? Its not normal. Its one thing to say make the most of it, but its like people gaslighting you that you're supposed to basically not even care. Its just not true. I can say for most of my life everything other than women has been pretty good. But guess what I'm in my 30s now and I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of being lonely and completely unfufilled sexually. I dont want to be alone my entire life and it sucks being told Im supposed to just ignore this and be happy with friends and hobbies like the core of most people's lives hasnt always been a wife and children
I want to comment on the 2nd point regarding 'effort'. have no problem with advice on self improvement, what I do have a problem with is the undertone that so much advice you find on the internet (not aimed at you Courtney), but much advice on the topic; "you need to do x, y, z because YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH, because YOU'RE 'LOW VALUE' and WON'T BE 'GOOD ENOUGH' until you meet x, y, z. eligibility criteria. Lecturing to people that they're not good enough if they're not currently doing these things isn't going to help (it'll make them fee like rubbish). Self improvement is something that people feel to want to do, not something they think they 'should' do to overcome their innate inadequacy. So much self-improvement advice is "you need to be x, y, z because you're not good enough, no-one will like you unless you meet x, y, z criteria (yeah, really uplifting). The times I've done all the martial arts and working-out were times when I stopped listening to people lecturing me and telling me I wasn't good enough (I'm not really a gym person, I was able to do kickboxing (until the 3rd belt). Bottom line is self improvement is something people shold want to do, not feel they have to. I hope that helps & I'm not the only one with the same attitude. Thanks from the UK
super important: do the things you love because you love to do those things, and not thinking in terms of outcomes. i'm passionate about composing music, and i do this because i love it, and the fact that there are listeners is just a bonus, but not the objective. the process and the act of composing, recording, mixing, publishing that's where fulfillment comes from :)
happiness ABSOLUTELY IS a CHOICE. one can have damn near everything in the world but; if they feel like 'my life would be complete IF i had such and such', then they ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT feel happy/content. also, KNOW what really truly matters and focus on THAT. ABSOLUTELY. FOR SURE.
Thanks Courtney. Been watching your content for close to a year now, and most everything you've covered has helped me, either currently or in the past if it was stuff I already did/changed. And you're right about the girl walking up to your front door...I had to meet her on the sidewalk in front of my house...close enough? 😁
I’ve known a girl for about one month and we’ve gone on a couple of dates. I just spoke to her today about still exploring our friendship, but having a possibility of forming a relationship in the future. …she told me that I need to think very hard about what I’m asking, I’m moving way too fast and I need to not get my hopes up with her. I cut communication with her exponentially and she told me to not get upset. Am I wrong for saying what I said and my reaction to her?
Happy Wednesday Courtney ❤ Nice outfit 😮 May the 4th be with you tomorrow Keep doing them squats and twerking you enjoy Remember to eat healthy and clean When is your wedding my friend? This summer? 😊 Girls need to make effort too in a relationship and dating stage Even with communication 😊 Keep your standards as Courtney said :)
2:11 most people expect men to be filling up the unhappiness/sadness caused by being single for a huge amount of time/never been in any relationship before along with being undesirable towards the opposite gender, using hobbies and by "having a purpose" which in my opinion is completely unrealistic and totally dismissive of their plight and suffering
While I feel like I got my shit together most of the time. It is reassuring sometimes to hear it from a level headed women. It helps during the tough times that will eventually come around. Thank you Courtney
All of these points are valid, but even if you have all of them and STILL not in a relationship (and you WANT to be in one) you can still feel how love is missing in your life. When you're in your 70s you don't always have (female) options. It's not like you're meeting a new woman every week.
I will admit, I sometimes still feel like an incel despite having a girlfriend, probably because I feel that my 20s were a waste, didn't have a serious relationship until the beginning of my 30s. It causes me to envy and resent couples out there younger than me, people who got to experience having a serious long-term relationship before I did and yes I know people will always say comparison is the thief of joy or don't compare yourself to others. But I believe it's always has been and always will be part of the human psyche, been that way since the beginning of time to feel upset and depressed when you feel you are not part of the norm. Because of that I feel like a forever permanent incel for all time, even when I did manage to get a girlfriend. So yeah even while I did have a girlfriend, I still felt like an incel. I highly doubt I will ever get over this
Put in the work to become the best version of yourself. Once you focus on yourself, you’ll become more confident and slowly become attractive. Never chase women, you should chase excellence.
This is what people who can't get women say to make themselves feel better. You'll never be the "best version of yourself" as that is a lifelong pursuit that is impossible to obtain. You don't have to be some fictional best version of yourself to be confident or to get a woman.
Honestly even searching for love is tiring, almost can't imagine actually being in one even if I want it or not. You have to put in so much effort in the beginning to show that you're interested. Even worse is when the talking stage doesn't work after 2-3 weeks of effort and you're left there empty handed thinking now it's just rince and repeat until somebody clicks which you have no idea when it will happen. As a single guy I'm happy that I can focus my energy into self improvment and in my opinion you should only pursue love after you feel absolutely stable in your life, not because you feel lonely, for that you have friends to hang around with.
I have not been in a relationship in 29 years and have only dated two women in that period of time and for one date only. And, no I'm not gay. I dated over seventy women in 10 years.
Why do people not understand this. Its not that I think a relationship by itself would make me happy. Its that after being alone my entire life, the lack of one makes me miserable.
@@MikeyP109 ....no shit almost everyone does. How many men are living a happy life dying lonely virgins? We can admit the obvious, being alone sucks and that's why most people don't want to be
@@MikeyP109 You don't need family as a kid as well? Who needs parental love anyways? Who needs friends? Maybe humans are social creatures. Just maybe. And maybe, we should be interdependent, not co-dependent.
Thank you Courtney...you are right of course...but if you are single for really long time it;s not easy..humans are meant to be with a partner..to share the emotions and to fight toghether the difficulties that life brings!!!! Sure some times the partner is not of a good value and the relationship is not going well...but if it goes well...life has a sweetest taste!!! You live in a big City and surely are many otpions there for dating...but in a small place, things are much more difficult!!! Have a nice day and keep up the good work!!!!
A guy I was falling for and met online told me we weren’t compatible because I wouldn’t send him n*des when requested. He gained my trust over a period of three months just to present me with an ultimatum - send pics or stop speaking to him. Why does this feel so sinister? I feel traumatized. Can anyone on here please help me make sense of this?
You can absolutely be happy and single. If you have always dreamt of having your own family and do not achieve that, you certainly will not be as happy as you could have been. Not achieving what you wanted in life, especially something that so many other people have can surely decrease your happiness. I even remember Courtney saying in one of her early videos that she would be depressed if she never got the chance to have a family of her own. You can be happy and single, but it will never be as happy as you could have been in a relationship.
Bingo. Many men dream of growing and providing for a family, one of my lifelong wishes. But it's just that, a wish. I've redirected my priorities to other things that I will enjoy, like earning enough to retire early and spoil myself. Without a family to look after and a legacy to carry out, I see no purpose outside of doing what I see fit (and lest anyone think that means retribution, no, I mean doing things I enjoy instead of caring what anyone else thinks).
Having a family does not guarantee happiness, just like anything else, you can put a lot of time and work into something, and then it can go wrong. The most important thing that can make you happy, are your own self achievements. Single or not, learn to make yourself happy, you can’t depend on other people to do it for you.
@@erikracz4162 but what if your primary self achievement in life is to be a good father and husband for a family what then? To follow the most basic biological human desire of all and not achieving it through no fault of your own will naturally make you miserable.
@@sirsurnamethefirstofhisnam7986 that is true, but in time, you may find another chance, or you may find something else to take it’s place. Nothing is permanent, including misery. Divorce rate in this country is high, it should be in the back of your mind, what if it happened to me? Be mentally prepared, your spouse my go crazy, and it may not even be your fault. People change over the years. It happened to me, it can happen to anyone.
4:00 but why though? Getting into a relationship leads to marriage, which has a 70% chance of FAILURE. If you had to choose between 2 surgeons and one only had a 30% chance of success, would you choose that surgeon? Makes no sense, right? Make things easier on yourself, get a dog and live a chill life. No absurd demands, no kids, no divorce. Do anything you want, which is true freedom. Bliss.
I'm probably about to take an unpopular take. Most of this video irritated me. Does anyone else feel like most of what she said was common sense? Most of what she said would apply to anyone and not just "single men." And I can't be the only guy that gets frustrated whenever a beautiful girl/woman makes a video about men's loneliness. Most women can't understand a man's loneliness. (*About to get personal*) When my father was sick, I went to counseling. She was very beautiful and had an engagement ring. If I ever go back, I'm going to ask to speak with a man. Whenever loneliness came up, she kept insisting on trying things that I had already tried. Just going out may have worked for her, but it's not that simple. Sorry if this is projecting, but I'm honestly just fed up with all of it. I'm not desperate, but I'm just tired and fed up.
A lot of times, being single is a blessing in itself: -more time for my hobbies -I get to spend money just for me, myself and nobody else -little to no drama in life -less things to worry about
Late 30s Man here. Completely given up. The dating market is complete trash, apps only made it worse. An ex of mine can pull 10 plus dates a month on a slow month & Ive barely matched with ghosts. (I broke it off with her if you must know, we're still friends & have talked about the market). Women have just set the bar so high. Im a very fit, well off guy...not rich but secure...& more active than most. Yet Im Completely invisible it seems. More & more people are going without relationships, Im part of the loneliest generation ever & its only getting worse. We turned the battle of the sexes into a war & well, I guess we all grt to sit here alone & enjoy the ashes.
I must say this video came at the right time . Today I woke up not in a good way, I've been single for a while and since I decided to get back at the dating scene I didn't know how bad it was to find someone compatible with me plus the effort I'm making to become a better version of myself. I was starting to doubt myself but gladly I was wrong to think that way and I need to put some time to make me happy and look for some activities that brings joy and of course expand my social circle.
If you manage to do 1), you do not have to care about anything coming after this. If she doesn't like you unless you "put in effort", she is not a good woman for you, because she does not like you for you, she only likes you for what you provide. Unfortunately that is all women. So guys, manage to find happiness alone and you do not have to give a shit about anything else. Keep your money, time, physical but most of all mental health by not interacting with women.
Focus on yourself and making your own goals and aspirations happen, and improve yourself. Once you do this, girls will come to you naturally. It’s like the more you worry about chasing girls, the less chance you have of success….
About the friendships. It does make a man look more attractive when he has a life outside of romantic relationships. Shows he's masculine and doesn't need to rely on a girl to be happy
Never was a fan of using the word "all". The human psyche is not that simplistic. I realize this is titled as a "reminder" but I still vote for taking time out to come up with new content. Also, you can pursue someone who is running away. They are not as different as you think.
since i was 18, i tried to find hapiness in other things for 9 years. Today im 27 and still I KNOW that I will be only happy with a wife on my side. How long i am supposed to wait??????
Women should take the lead. You want the drivers seat without the responsibility. Time to wine and dine us. Time to pick up the bill. Time to drive me home and satisfy me in bed and pay for my house etc etc. Go to work and if you can't afford the bills, you are a deadbeat and I don't want you. Many men already figured out lesson number one. My life is fulfilled. You need to dote on me if you want me to give a s*&t.
No, I think what she's trying to say is we as men we put them in their spot. It's to make sure they a women. You don't want a female to start acting like a dude
This one always bugged me. It's just too convenient that being doted upon and taken on dates where the man plans out and pays for everything "makes you feel feminine". I think everyone wants to feel desired enough that somebody is putting in thought and effort for them, and so while ultimately the consequence of putting in this effort won't be a bad one, I'd really like to drop this narrative that being feminine is essentially lying back and letting the man shoulder the entire courtship process.
They do. They want to feel feminine? Why don't they feel feminine when you choose what they can work or spend their money or time on? Why not when you'd tell them they can't have any friends? All of that is controlling and bad. They just pick what's in their favour, because they can have the luxury because men just have to do it and women don't. Good women don't exist. They are as much fiction as any rom-com you've read or seen. All having been with 50 f-boys still chasing them and have a billionaire as a standard. Love doesnt exist for men. Let them suffer all the emotional damage from their poor choices. I can make big money and just hire escorts later who are much hotter and wont neg at all. They do everything I want and I get some affection. Why bother with entiteled women who have nothing to offer when it's easier to make loads of money and hire escorts? Lmfao
