9 Brutal Truths Men Need To Accept to Live Their Best Lives 

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Nobody is going to save you, the only person that’s going to save you is you.

1. You control how you respond and react 0:30 2. First impressions are important 1:10 3. Health is wealth 3:28 4. Sometimes the problem is you 4:02 5. Actions speak louder than words 5:02 6. The saver is sexier than the spender 6:00 7. Not everyone is going to like you 8:02 8. You can't change your height 9:00 9. Time is your most valuable asset 10:55

Two stories about hygiene: First, I will never forget the moment that I became so conscious of my hygiene. I was in third grade at recess with my friends. We somehow were talking about washing hands and brushing teeth. I said that I didn't do those things because I thought they were a waste of time. Please keep in mind that I was 7 and I promise that I have improved. My friends simply told me that it was really gross and that was the reality check that I needed. I immediately excused myself to the bathroom just to wash my hands. I to this day sometimes excuse myself just to wash my hands and I wash all parts of me religiously. Second, I was on a date with a girl a few years ago. She randomly asked me "Do you wash your face?" I was taken aback by this question. I did wash my face every morning and oftentimes before I go to bed as well. I told her that I did and I wanted to know why she felt the need to ask. She told me that I wouldn't believe how often guys don't wash their faces. I to this day do not believe it. It shocks me that you received a huge backlash just from saying that guys should wash themselves, Courtney. Guys complain these days about women's standards being too high, not being tall enough, making enough money, and not being fit. Yet, these are the guys who likely can't even bring themselves to shower properly. We all need to get our acts together.

Courtney thank you for your content. I share it with my little brother who’s struggled after we lost our dad. Dad died from cancer complications and it’s been tough for mom to help him succeed romantically since dad passed at an age my brother is starting to want to love a woman. My dad left my brother a mini manual of sorts since he had been feeling sick for a while and all of your comments here were his highlights. He even did my brother’s color analysis and left him a skincare routine. He left him his barber and also numbers for his tailor and the local men’s suit warehouse to teach him how to dress. It was awesome as my brother thought this was something only “girls” did. It has made a massive difference. He also taught my brother to go to the doctor’s yearly for a physical, go to the urologist yearly as well as the dermatologist yearly. I keep saying it’s a mini book when it’s a massive binder full of jewels for him to use until he’s old enough himself. He’s 18 and he’s found himself a really sweet girlfriend and genuinely so happy. For the women in here Courtney’s content also works for women. Basically be kind to your lovers.

_"A well man has a thousand wishes, a sick man only has one."_ 👏👏

I agree with all of these, essential. The first impression thing cannot be overstated. The way you carry yourself is huge but the hygiene and grooming is as equally important. It's not about dressing to the 9's. I'm a delivery driver, so I'm in a less than flattering chocolate brown polyester uniform all day interacting with 100's of people daily, so while I can't control or impress with my attire, I'm adamant about being clean, sharp and groomed hair and beard, clean hands and trimmed and filed nails. Even though my job is potentially dirty, keeping the clothes as clean and wear free as possible, know when to toss them. People do notice, and if you are doing it right, they will let you know you are. Always a confidence booster.

You have such a pleasant way of speaking and such a calm demeanour, Courtney. You come across as a very kind sister who is giving advice to her brother and none of it comes across as mean or condescending. Nice one!

Great video, Courtney. I am terrible at managing my time. I recently retired, and want to make myself more productive, but I waste an incredible amount doing unproductive things. Your talk was a revelation to me. My dad used to say, "Lost time is never found." Thank you.

Brutal truth: they don’t love you, they love what you can do for them.

I thought these would be a lot more brutal than they ended up being, but they're still very necessary to living a good life. A very brutal truth that no one wants to hear us that nobody truly cares about your problems, even if they seem like they do because most people are more focused on their own issues 99.9% of the time. The bright side to this is that most people aren't thinking about you so if you make mistakes nobody will really care all that much because they're too consumed by their own lives to really pay that much attention to you.

Thanks Courtney for presenting your brutal truths! I got married in 2019. My wife took advantage of me and chose her friends over me! I loved her and cared for her the best that I knew how!! It was super challenging because she was my FIRST. I’ve forgiven her for the psychological pain that she put me through!! I still care about her as a person and hope she finds herself:) Of course I would never take her back!! I continue to watch your content in the hope that I never make a mistake with choosing the wrong woman again! I appreciate your sincere and fair honesty!

I used to work with a man who was barely 5'0" in height. (He used it to his advantage, because he could fit in places other people couldn't to get something done.) He had a wife who was about 5'1" and very devoted to him. Back with I was an undergrad in college, there was a girl I liked, and I made considerable effort to try to get to know her. One time I was eating a meal in the cafeteria with a floormate, and I excused myself to go and sit at her table (with a couple other people who were already there). My floormate watched, and when I got back to the dormitory, he plainly told me "she doesn't like you--she doesn't even LOOK at you!" and I gradually came to accept that he was right.

Learning how to respond and react to situations has changed my life. This is a great video. Thank You

Wishing you a happy Sunday, Courtney 😘! In general, we have to live the best life to live is to be the best version of you. Also, care for the people you care for

I wish I could take some of this advice. As an autistic person, I have to get people to like me enough to not want to hurt me, change me and/or take advantage of me. I’m not exaggerating when I say that my life quite literally depends on me being able to put on a facade. How am I supposed to love myself and accept myself for who I am when the only way I can safely be true to myself is by making everyone else is too scared to do the same? I know it’s not me because almost all of my problems with people only happen after they know. A lot of them completely change and either see me as a freak and hate me, see me as someone who’s easy to take advantage of, or they see me as someone who’s too weak and stupid to survive

You truly are “The Big Sis of RU-vid!” And I am so glad I found this channel! Your content is honest, to the point and paired with a lot of common sense or wholesome advice! Keep up the great work! 🙌🏽

Most men knows the brutal truths already and the easiest life for a man are to stay single. To focus on your own purpose and financial future and staying healthy are difficult as it is. Specially now a days.

My problem has never been finding women, its the women themselves I have issue with. Entitled, lazy, demanding, vile, rude, unhealed, refuse to reciprocate..

Courtney, you are my fresh breathe of common sense! Thank you for confirming a lot of my thoughts. A lot of your advises and insights are helping me to stay on track of "doing my thing" in life.

Great advice. The underlying message is to accept reality and be proactive.

I did a 10 year marriage term. Got screwed over once,. Divorce ,laws and courts just way to much to ever try it again. Single forever is great

Accountability and acceptance is key to being your best self 🙌.

9:45 thank you so much for that 😭 that feels so fantastic to hear. Slowly making my peace for it

social media makes it so easy to chase people who don't care, once i stopped doing this I found I had much more time to focus on myself and begin improving.

Thankyou for making my life better big sister 😊 may you receive a lot of blessings

I shave daily, wear cologne, and use bodywash and deodorant. I also ignore negativity, and I work out to get my anger out, and I love hearing that first impressions are important. I need a sister figure in my life! 😊

As usual, another all-around great video, Courtney! You always show tremendous depth, wisdom, and compassion. Teddy is a very lucky guy!

Great list, Courtney. Thanks. I started a skin care routine a couple months ago and I’ve been liking the results. Side note regarding savers vs spenders: I see your point. However, for myself, I’m in my early 50’s and spent my life saving and working and not really enjoying my life. Since I’ve realized recently I don’t have enough saved to retire, I have decided to spent some of my retirement funds to go out and travel and experience more of life. I’ve also had some good friends die recently. That really helped me change my mindset about saving vs spending. The money I’ve saved does nothing for me once if I die. Not saying to spend all of it. There should be a balance. Save money, but don’t JUST save money. Spend some to enjoy your life while you have it. My two cents.

Evaluating and taking responsibility for my character/attitude is one of the best things I’ve done. I used to be prideful, impulsive, and selfish. I checked myself and this allowed me to set healthy boundaries and discern women more efficiently. This content is 💯 Btw, you look great Courtney and Thank you!

Great video! I think everyone gets so wrapped up in playing games to try and find a relationship that they forget about these points, which are common sense and effective.

Just last night I wrote down what I am grateful for and put that paper on my office wall. Whenever I feel bad about something I go there and instantly count my blessings. Thank you for helping us men improve everyday Courtney! I am thankful for you too!

"brutal truths" is very on brand for Courtney. 👌

Just took a half day anger management class. It was really helpful.

You have a good head on your shoulders Courtney. I've been following you for about a year and have seen all your videos. Keep them coming. You have yet another fan here. Blessings all the way from NYC.

I love you Courtney. Thanks for helping out us kings. I've been following you for a while and I've learnt a lot

Courtney, you hold a special place in my heart. Hugs

The height obsession is bizarre to me. My husband is the same height as I am - 5’8”. I was married previously to a man over 6’ who was a disaster in so many ways, not the least of which was infidelity. My husband now is everything I wanted and my life is very good. So what if I am taller than he is when I wear heels. I could not possibly care less. I’m telling you, ladies - you are making an enormous mistake with the height requirement. But I guess that leaves more good men like my husband for the women out there who really know what characteristics to prioritize in a man.

Thank you for posting this video. Please do a second part when you get a chance.

These are very well done, Courteney. I appreciate the advice, and your compassionate, honest & logical delivery.

Men don't use soap in the shower? As a man myself, in all my life I've never encountered any man or multiple men who didn't bathe with soap. Is this really common? It can't be.

Courtney's content is absolutely essential for all men!

Best video you've ever done Courtney. Well done and keep it up! I'd love to hear another 9.

Courtney, thank you for this guide of pure and practical wisdom. You're such a wise lady! Your parents should be proud of you!

SO true, guys! "You control how you respond and react" - This applies to life in general, not just dating. I can't tell you how many times I've heard things like "She makes me so angry!" or "He made me do this, he made me do that!" The only one who controls your emotions is YOU, so recognize that and use it. You may feel how you feel, but you can channel those feelings into constructive actions, and if you don't know how to do that, a good therapist can help. "You can't change your height" - And the good news is that you really don't have to try. Like Courtney indicated, learn to live in your own skin and work on your confidence, which is something you can change. From the time I started working on those things, I had no shortage of attention from the women, even the ones who were taller than I was. I was never what anyone would call a chick magnet, but I was only as lonesome as I wanted to be. If anything, I'd say my height and no-better-than-average looks made it easy for me to bypass the shallow girls who just wanted trophy men. (Think tall, handsome and rich but no substance. Not much different from a trophy wife.) It also helps to stop ignoring all the women who don't look like [insert supermodel name here]. Just as you have more to offer than height, women have more to offer than appearance.

Your point about the usage of time is particularly well made. It is an asset that we can take for granted and abuse in our youth, but it once it's gone, it cannot be recovered. There are no do-overs.

Great video again, Courtney. I’m not even in the dating market anymore and I still find your insights really interesting!

One of the real reasons why I'm depressed and anxious all the time is because the problem is me. It has always been me. Nothing I ever say or do is right! Even when I exercise and whatnot, I'm still messed up in the head.

You are SOOO Right about first impressions. After talking online via private messages with this woman for several months who I fell in love with, we finally were going to have our first video chat. The chat went well - or so I thought - until she told me several months later how disappointed she was at how very little effort I put into my appearance. My hair wasn't combed, I had on an old t-shirt, and sweatpants, had dirty dishes in the background, while her bedroom was all made up, she was nicely dressed, had makeup on, etc; and what's even worse is I was the one who wanted her to like me (more than as a friend, which she knew how I felt ) I obviously had an old fashioned narcissistic thought process of "If she likes me she will/should like me regardless of my appearance." Bottom line - I sabotaged myself plain and simple. The old saying that you never get a second chance to make a first impression was never more true. It may seem like a minor thing, but it definitely is not.

The real brutal truth is nothing you say or do matters. It's all like point #8. Either your person exists or they don't. There's nothing you can say or do to change that. The only thing that might matter is trying to find them, but the odds of that are far worse than finding a needle in a haystack.

You really made me laugh with "guys, you're tough...but you are NOT tougher than the sun!!" Appreciated the "you can control how you react to things..." and for us to focus on what we can change. I'm already doing that, but BIG thanks for admonishing us to manage our time better. Don't know of too many that have mastered that.

Anger is a natural response to an apparent Injustice, but if it's a behavioral problem that isn't quite anger, rage, frustration, and hostility seem to linger if you have hormonal issues or mental issues

Thank you for all you do Courtney. This one is amazing ❤

Thank you. This has really helped me understand life & myself a lot more. Thank you for your truth 🙂

The height thing is product of social media. I'm 41, 5'8 and had a lot of women in my 20's, including quite a few that were taller than me. It wasn't until social media came along that the issue of height was a thing. I also don't think height worshipping can lead to anything good, especially when it's something men have no control over.

Brutal? Yes. Honest? Even more so. Improving ourselves is the only thing we can control. Everything else is just background noise. Once again Courtney, as usual, you provide an intelligent, practical perspective how to live an aware, mindful and healthy life. You are a supreme shining light in an era of cloudy social media comparison. Keep your content rolling please. Your wisdom and demeanor speak wise beyond your years.

On dating: don't. Dating is a waste of your resources. Dating stunts your growth. Dating lowers your value. Dating is you giving yourself away for free. Dating is parasitic. Dating isn't closing. Marriage is closing. Value yourself. Invest in experiences that peak YOUR interest, and that encourage your personal development. Your relationship opportunities, both volume and quality, will continually increase. Gentleman, salute to you.

#1 is the most important piece of feedback for every aspect of life, not just finding love.

I truth the most brutal truth (single) guys need to learn is the negative correlation between visibly stressing your romantic encounters and success in your dating life. I think this is a sister point to the scarcity mindset, but it's a different point to make because women want to see men confident and in control. And even more importantly, if a woman sees you losing yourself of your interactions, then it'll definitely make her less comfortable -- which is the last thing you want in the presence of romantic interest. Then the second most brutal truth I think guys need to accept is that not at all women be consistent with their interests in men. And no, it's not all due to looks! For example, just because a woman says she values a man's thoughtfulness and kindness doesn't mean she'll like you for being kind. It often will have to go hand-in-hand with other qualities you have. It's all a part of the package we present to potential partners, so don't get mad if you're "nice" but don't get the interest of the woman you like. Maybe you need to just work on better illustrating those other qualities you have.

I struggled with time to do things. I caught myself one day spending time on TV shows rather than reading a book. So I tried to implement one thing Jocko said once, discipline. This is key here to manage this problem when you are disciplined you can do everything you want to do.

This is fantastic advice and the fact that you say the truth means that you care about men. That you wish us to improve. Thank you for dedicating all this time to us. Have a great day!

just started watching you a few days ago, love your videos, very informational, love the mutiple senario to the variety of women questions, your personal NON BIAS info videos as well that give genuiene healthy advice. Truly appreciate you ma'am. @CourtneyRyan

4:02 Yeah, we're well aware of this fact Courtney. That's pretty much all we've ever been told our entire lives... That EVERYTHING is the fault of men. We're well aware that WE'RE the problem.

As I’ve always said when confronted about my height: Height’s irrelevant when you’re on your back. 😉

Thank you big sis ❤

Such a wise and motivating video! Every video is filled with so many great words of advice and practicality. I appreciate the insight about time and investing it wisely. Thank you for so much great content! You are much appreciated!

YOU WANT A WOMAN that Wants you, not Needs you.

Big like 👍 ❤️, happy Sunday

Really enjoyed this video. Thank you for caring enough to share advice with men Courtney. It says a lot about you 👍🏽.

Courtney, I cried watching this because I know there is a lot wrong with me. Social Anxiety and lack of self confidence and I only want to meet people and socialize and even find a nice girl to be with but I'm 27 with no friends and lost some in the military. I'm gonna start working out but I have Philiphobia, it's a fear of being alone or fear of never finding love. Its a real physiological condition.

Brutal truth men need to hear: Don't listen to "advice" directly followed by a paid advertisement (e.g. you NEED a skincare routine)

Courtney! Thank you for all the great advice. I haven't heard you say anything that doesn't make sense and admire your honesty.❤

I appreciate the many kind, wise, pieces of advice that you offered today.

I'm 6'2" (6'3" with shoes on), but most women aren't really asking for a guy over 6 feet. They just want someone TALLER THAN THEM 85-90% of the time. That 6 feet and over thing is mainly a social media thing. You just gotta put yourself out there more. That's all it boils down to.

Not washing you butt? Really? Damn fellas.

Courtney Ryan well spoken!! Love all your video and help me so very much!! Keep up the good work!!

That advice at 7:20, gratitude & appreciation is one of my 🔑s to happiness, & of course yoga. A positively charged clip 👌 Peace and kisses

#10 What you do for a woman is never enough and her love for you is only temporary

The height one always makes me laugh, when did that become a thing ? Most of them girls who require that are under 5’5, me being a joker whenever I hear about height requirements in dating I have two responses to that help cheer up friends and coworkers, 1 if she says she only dates 6’0 and up but is under 5’5 just say “sorry but you gotta be this tall for your opinion to matter. 2 if she says she only dates 6’0 and up but is under 5’5, I’m guessing she never had man in her life she could look up to 😆

You're an incredibly eloquent speaker. Definitely something I've noticed in all of your videos; i.e. no um's or uhhh's. It's all very fluent. Thought I should mention it! Great info!

I am guilty of this, but pay attention to people around you. Pay attention to yourself, and them. If it's one big thing I have figured out big time from content, like this, it's paying attention to what socially goes on around you. that is one major way to show people you truly care, and that they can trust, and respect you. Men and women have certainly noticed a difference in me since I started doing life coaching, like this, and I could not be more thankful. THANK YOU SO MUCH COURTNEY!! 😃😃

1st

I'm glad that the first lesson you put is that we control our own reaction and actions. It's something my mom taught me and surprisingly something they taught when I worked at a McDonald's and I push that alot when I was a trainer. Though I am shock when you mentioned the reactions about the shower thing... I didn't know about that. I always shower with soap...

Good morning! I used to use Alpha's product. Love his channel. As I love your's. I was super happy with the results. I needed to switch to a different product because this product made my eyes burn like crazy. But I have sensitive eyes (long story). But your point is indeed well made. I started at age 50 (soon to be 56) and REALLY wish that I would have started a decade sooner. Good for you on the sponsorship.

Courtney you are so right about men presenting themselves better. I started doing weights and have definitely noticed my wife looks at me differently.

Good one Courtney. All these are legit and thank you for product references that help.

Just keep working on yourself and things come together eventually. Challenges will always be there it's how we look at them and respond is what makes the difference. Also gotta be aware of the people around you. Don't settle because you are alone. Treat everyone with the respect they deserve and within healthy values/boundaries and you will be fine. Focus on yourself and let the world decide what they want about you. You have no control over it. Enjoy life and stay level headed at the same time. Don't try to find romance let it find you.

One of the best sayings I've heard that's been a big reminder to get things done. "A man does what he needs to before he can do what he wants to." What are the big need to get done tasks and what the things that you just want to do? For example, I need to get household chores done. I want to watch another RU-vid video. I'm not perfect when it comes to abiding by this, but it's a helpful reminder at least.

Love your insights! They are priceless, and something I haven’t heard from anyone in such clear and kind manner…Thank you!

Amazing tips + common sense = super Courtney :). Thank you again for being real and helping us focus on being our best selves.

I was born with a skinn disease, it effected my whole body. It was gone when I was 3 years old and it came back with my puberty. Further I struggle because my brain developed earlier but my boddy developed later than regular. In the age of 25 I was still forced to show my identification card to proof my age. Anyway I am now almost 50, my experience with women is full of "brutal truth".

You have great content Courtney and you are great at discussing it. You didn't mention sleep. We all need sleep. "You cannot make up for lost sleep". Dr James A Cory said this on his radio show everyday. Took a while for it to sink in for me but the cells in your body need that sleep to stay healthy.

Some nice home truths, Christine. Many thanks and appreciated.

I approve this message. Good words to live by.

ur videos are so helpful, thank you so much!

Men don't shower with soap? WTF? I never heard such a thing.

I used to have that mentality about my height, where I thought I would never find a girlfriend because I’m so short. Now I have a girlfriend and have lost that mindset since she likes me for more than just my height/looks. I just want to take a moment to thank you @CourtneyRyan for all your videos. You have helped me become the man I am today which helped me get the girl of my dreams!

great messages, thanks for being a positive influence overall

These videos are incredible, you and tribe of men and better bachelor and many other creators make so much content that speaks to how to be better as a man, and I think one of the most important lessons once you start actually taking care of yourself and progressing is realizing that there are plenty of women who are just as aware of reality as you are, and they will really appreciate the fact you're putting so much effort into your life and gladly be your partner for it

Great points. 👍 I'd add that chasing a woman is akined to closing your hand and squeezing tightly to hold on the sand, which will trickle fast through your fingers. So, *never* chase.