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Haha this is the same as ive approached this in the past. Just wanting to be in love without actually feeling it, because its deemed normal. Now im like if it never happens fine, i dont really care tbh
hi, i got excited bc im on the aro spectrum!! here u go: 1:01 youve never had a crush 1:19 you dont find yourself romantically attracted to others 1:41 youve experienced platonic love but dont desire romantic love 2:05 you prefer being single 2:35 you may have felt sexual attraction but dont feel romantic attraction along with it 2:56 you're okay with never having been in love heres more info just in case being straight up aromantic doesnt apply to you romantic attraction is the want to date someone. so if you crush on someone and have the thought of "i want to be in a relationship with them" that is romantic attraction. often comes along with that fluttery stomach feeling and having a better mood when this person is around. these symptoms can also apply to squishes, which is a term aromantic people use when they feel like this around someone but dont want to date them, therefore making it platonic! demiromantic: can experience romantic attraction after developing close bonds with people, no hallway crushes grayromantic: can experience romantic attraction, but not frequently cupioromantic: likes the idea of dating and might end up dating, but no actual romantic attraction along with it. there are more terms, but these are the basic ones! have a nice day
There are also things like squishes which are very strong platonic feelings, I've experienced some random butterflies or giddiness for people I'm close with, it can be confusing sometimes. But I know it's not a romantically charged thing There is also aro spike and aro flux, which are somewhat similar in which romantic attraction changes Correct me if wrong but flux is one day entirely repulsed/averse, and another wanting it and another time neutral or anything else on a scale of feelings towards it Aro spike is where sometimes your attractions to people will spike and you will feel what is considered more romantic feelings towards others
I feel like I am somewhere in the aromantic and asexual spectrum, I first thought I might be aroflux but now I think I might be grayromantic or demiromantic, but I tend to think that I am grayromantic, because I cant really tell apart whether I just found strangers attractive or had a crush on them. Also I once had a big crush on someone, but I think it was only emotional attraction because I didnt really desire a relationship with them. I am not really sure but I would say I am grayromantic!
What if I wouldn't mind dating, or wouldn't be opposed to it. But I don't want to go out of my way to find a person. Like if an opportunity passes by and someone asks if they want to date me. Would it be wrong if I say yes, even though I never thought of them before.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, some people cannot feel any attractions towards someone until brought to the attention that another person has an interest
Thats' a great question! One of those things where there is no set rule. I think it's normal not to want to go out of your way to find someone. But if you find that you don't get romantic attraction, it's not the end of the world too. Never wrong to keep an open mind and learn more about yourself. Hope that helps!
As an aromantic asexual person myself I want to thank you so much for shining a light on this. There’s a lot of misconceptions about asexual people and a lot of people aren’t even aware that aromanticism exists. Number 6 is especially interesting to me as I only realized I was aromantic after I realized I was okay with having never fallen in love. The process of discovering who you are can be hard but having other people break down these concepts in a simple to understand way can go a long way in that process.
When I realised that I am aromantic the strongest thought I had in my mind and I still think about it every once in a while was: friends are the most important people for me and I simply can't imagine anything being more valuable than true friendship and I don't really think about being in a relationship because I just value so much the people that I have .. and honestly.. I truly love them (in a platonic way) :3
Now that i think about it, some of my friends when i was a kid were apparently into me, but i just thought they were my friends (which is logic because i didn’t know) but even after my mom made me know that they really liked me and that they could potentially be romantically attracted to me, i still saw them as just friends, but nothing romantic. To be honest, i never really felt “romantic“ towards anyone. So, i think today might be the time i should stop seeing my aromanticism as “impossible“ and start seeing it at a real possibility.
For me, finding out that I was aromatic ended up hurting someone in the process. Story time begins here --> So, I meet this person online through a friend an after a few days of getting to know each other we got into a relationship, I know it almost felt like frozen, just without the bad guy. An I really did like them, I had a fuzzy feeling when I meet them and all the stuff one would feel meeting someone they liked romantically, however, my romantic feelings never developed beyond that point, and after some time, it felt more like a friendship but also being together then us being together romantically because we both like each other like "that". Thats where things went down hill, their feelings started developing for me way faster then I could keep up with, mind you I hadn't had a partner before so it was all new to me, I thought this was all normal and my feelings would develop more later into the relationship. But I was wrong, it got to the point were they were saying "I love you" while I'd say "I love you too" back but both would mean different things, my love for the was more platonic while theirs was more romantic. And so we broke up after a while, I was the one who broke up with them, I'm still young so I was the worst break up ever, not because I was all sad or crying, but because I felt I was a dick about it, it was really early in the morning and all I could say was that I didn't feel the same way as they did, and that we should break up. I felt awful, I felt like an ass and I still do, but now I know that I just can't see myself liking someone romantically, I've had crushes or really liked a character in a show, manga, or whatever but when I thought of my self, nothing came up, almost like an error. And I know some may feel happy that they are aromatic or that they found the term for it, but I hate that I don't feel anything, I hate the fact that I'm aromatic, because not only am I aromatic but I'm also asexual. I thought that even though I'm asexual I could lest have a normal romantic relationship but that didn't work out, and its not that I dont desire a romantic relationship because I do, I whole heartedly do but there's just nothing there. Who knows, maybe I will feel different in the future, but for now this is how I feel.
I've always said since I was a child that I didn't want to get married or even be in a relationship, the only thing I knew was that I wanted to have children, people around me like friends and coworkers insisted I should not be alone and that I needed a man in my life even when I said I didn't, they ignored me and said that I'll change my mind and that I need to grow up, I've tried to flirt with people but it got to the same place every time, I panicked and ran away, I also have poor mental health, they said being with a man will fix me, though, after learning about the term aromantic it helped me a lot, my two best friends said it was really not that surprising and they accept me fully, someone told me that I am aromantic if I feel like this term fits me, it might not in a couple of days, weeks, months, years, but right now it is and that's ok.
I always equated being aeromantic to being asexual so I'm glad to get some distinction, and I'm glad to hear it occurs on a spectrum, I've felt romantic attraction but rarely and in certain circumstances, even in an over 2 year relationship. this helps so thank you.
i'm so happy that you made a video about aromantic! i've been trying to figuring myself lately as i'm still confused with some stuff. i found out about asexual from the 10 sexualities video, and since that i thought i found my sexuality! but the thing is i'm still confused with the attractions, wondering if i really experienced sexual or romantic attraction. i think i may have trouble differentiate them and with other attractions too. i never had a crush on anyone. i thought a celebrity that i see as an inspiration was a crush, but after seeing some people talked about their crushes the way that i don't really see it like them, i realized maybe it wasn't a crush. i also like fictional characters more, but not really into them too. sometimes i enjoy romance stuff like movies/shows/games that include romance and fanfictions. but i also like it when it's platonic and doesn't include romance in it. i feel like i don't want to be in a relationship and i'll be fine being single, but sometimes i fantasize about having a partner and wonder what does it feels like. after realizing those, i feel like maybe i am asexual. but i don't think i am aromantic. so i search about asexuality and aromanticism spectrum. i came in conclusion that i am asexual/ace-spec and greyromantic. still i'm not fully sure with it, thinking that i might be greysexual/demisexual/aroace/demiromantic/cupioromantic/etc and i'm still young. but i think i fit in the label and now it's what i identify as. maybe some time in the future, i'll finally figured out who am i really is and be happy with it. sorry for the really long story and i apologize for any grammatical errors. but if you reach this point, thank you for reading. this is the longest comment i've typed and it took me a lot of time lmao stay healthy y'all and happy pride :) 🖤🤍💜🖤🤍💚
So, about a year ago I watched your videos on being asexual, and that was the first time I heard of the word. That was the first step on the road to realizing that I am aroace and agender. And now, a year later, I am so much more aware of the things i feel and who I am. I am extremly greatfull to you for sending me out on that journey of self discovery, without even knoing that I exist. I am so happy that I found this chanel at 14 years old(about a year ago), because you helped me realize so much about myself, and helped spark my intrest in my psychology with your calm, yet informative videos. Long story short; thank you.
Aromanticism isnt a choice, and it's not tha romance "isn't their thing". There are plent Aros who enjoy romance-coded actions. It the difference between fantasy and realityAlso not feeling sexual attraction is NOT. a Aromantic trait, it's an Asexual trait. Some aros do feel sexual attraction. As I like to quote from a nice, aro-coded song, "I'm no missing someone that I've never met".
I have no romantic attraction, never had a crush on someone, and don't really want a relationship but im okay with it! But still not sure that i'm an aromantic because im still a teenager so it was not a big deal if i don't want a relationship and not romantically attracted for someone but it feels weird :(( I'm still discovering myself now so thank you for this video!
I realized at some point that every "crush" I've ever had was purely aesthetic. I wanted to look at them, but I didn't want to get to know them because I knew I would probably dislike them on a personal level & have zero common interests. I didn't want to sleep with them either. I guess pretty people are just like art to me.
I've suspected for years I'm aromantic and I think after this I most definitely am. I don't enjoy physical affection and intimacy except under certain very specific circumstances. I do experience crushes but they're not the desire to cuddle and do the whole romantic dates thing, for me, a crush is platonic attraction and sexual attraction combined. I do experience primal attraction and butterflies but they're more about if I find them sexually attractive and want to be their friend. Like, I get nervous and forget to swallow my saliva for several minutes at a time but my idea of flirting is to talk about my interests and listen to them talk about theirs, to me there's no difference between a candlelit dinner date and a Mario Kart date, they're nice because I'm with this person. Thankfully, my boyfriend is fully accepting of me and understanding. I'm not physically affectionate beyond putting my arm around him (and that's more sexual for me because I think it's hot that I'm taller than he is), holding hands, and the occasional friendly hug. I love him dearly in the way that I love my best friend.
For a really long time I got entangled with the definition of Aromantic, for the simple reason that... I do feel the butterflies in my stomach. I know what everyone's talking about. I can see my "crash" and these butterflies will be, my heart will beat a little faster, but... I feel like i'm stuck there. you know? Like - I don't understand what the next thing is supposed to happen. I DON'T want to go out with them, I don't want to get close to them, I don't want to do romantic things with them or have a romantic relationship with them (not that I understand what's a "romantic" relationship is), I don't want anything. More than that - I would love to stay that way! I want to say to them "I love you" in the most platonic way possible, I want to smile at them, talk to them, be their best friend, but nothing beyond. More than that, if they ask me to go out with them, I'll be scared and be really stressed, and immediately say "no!". I'm also not so sure what the difference is between platonic and romantic feelings, because I always thought everyone exaggerated when describing romantic feelings. It sounds invented and illogical to me, and I don't understand what the difference is between going on a date and sitting down to eat with your best friend. Does this sound Aromantic to you or not? Cus i would love (:D) to know if i'm aro or not. It's hard not knowing.
Recently I was really thinking about my romantic feelings to people, and I know I don't have romatic feelings for someone that fast. And if it happens it is gone in a while. Last time I liked someone, she liked me back. But we keeped it as friends. Later she said she didn't have feelings for me anymore. But I kinda was okay with it. It was also a small relieve for some reason. So I kinda started thinking about it now, and I read something about it yeasterday, and I can connect with the signs. And I accept it. I once had a girlfriend for 1 year, but I didn't realy had romatic feelings. She asked me, and I couldn't say no. I still feel bad for saying yes. But I did want to give ut a shot. After that 1 years she broke up with me, and it kinda felt as a relieve, as I was thinking about breaking up too. I know I look hearless sometimes, that I can't cry. But this makes mee feel even more heartless.😅 Gotta live with it I guess.
I'm aroace and neptunic, (similiar to lesbian) But when I was a kid, even though even the thought of a relationship made me uncomfortable, I never really thought about the possibility of being 'not straight' or aroace. One reason might be because I thought I had a crush on some boy from my school, but after thinking about it, I was actually horrified by the thought of having a crush on someone and didn't actually want to be in a relationship with him, it was just emotional attraction. Sometimes as an aromantic, it's hard to tell the difference between different types of attraction.
This videos is so accurate for me but not others, they’re many aro and aroaces who are sad about being aromantic and hope that they fall in love someday
So, i really relate to this video because for a long time, i had no idea that i may be aro. My first "crush" was my first friend. I mistook this feeling as romantic because i haven't experienced good interactions with people before. After a few years, i finally accepted that i never had a romantic attraction, and then i talked to some people and was like: "Wow! there's even a word for this!" I am glad to admit that i am aro. Have a nice day, everyone :>
Yes, I question whether romance is edible. 😆 (I often ask whether most things are edible.) I'm definitely aromantic, possibly demisexual but too much effort to find out. Not like I'm going to date anyone. People are too much effort. I rather be alone forever. I just stick with being aro ace.
Trying to figure out if I should talk to my boyfriend about labeling our relationship as a queer platonic relationship instead of romantic because I don't feel like I can live up to the expectations of a romantic relationship
For me romantic attraction is when you have butterflies, want to date a person(and you can actually understand, why is dating necessary if you can simply hang out as friends), think about them constantly(even if you haven't talked for a while), and you can want them to be all yours, you don't want others to be as close to them as you are... Something like that.
as someone who is currently defining myself as aro, the hardest part about coming to terms with that is how much of a hopeless romantic I am. I love watching romance shows, and reading books about romance. My whole life I was very excited to have that romantic relationship that I thought was going to "fulfill me". But I noticed after a while that even if I wanted to feel a crush, or fall in love, it was never happening. I think this video is super helpful, but just in case others are watching this and get to the last one and don't apply, some people still love romance but are aro! I've come to terms with it more recently because I realized that I only really wanted love because of the way our society tells us that romance is the only way to become a full person. I know now that my friendships and ambitions are just as important as any romance would be, and that I'm the only person that can fulfill myself. TL;DR: Aro people come in all shapes and sizes, and liking romance doesn't mean you can't be aro! But just know that romantic partners aren't the end all be all, and you can still have an incredibly fulfilling life without one!!!
Thank you for making this video!🙂 Honestly when I see or hear anything romantic, I either 🙄 or feel 🤨. Sure I’ve had a few crushes when I was younger. However now that I’m 40 and choose to remain single, I don’t care what others think.🤷🏻♀️ Oh and sex is overrated too.🤪😄
I finally figured out I’m Aromantic and I’m pretty happy about it. I realized this when I figured out I only wanted a relationship so people wouldn’t think I’m weird/people would stop asking. I guess feel a little romantic attraction but only towards fictional men lmao
I remember as a kid, a lot of my classmates would constantly talk about who their newest biggest crush was and I never really understood what that was supposed to be. I literally used to pretend to have crushes on people because I wanted to fit in. It was so stupid. I've known I'm aromantic for awhile, but still. Its so bizarre to me that I just- never felt any of that stuff. Relationships are really not my thing.
Ive only realized for myself that im Aromantic a few months ago, a good while after my last relationship. I realized that what i felt wasnt romantic love but the desire to have a close friend i can always have by my side! I felt like i needed to pursue a romantic relationship because its the norm and im not opposed to romantic activities, but its actually just that on the spectrum, aegoromantic and bellusromantic just describe me better! I like seeing romantic relationships, i love going on dates with people and ending it on the couch watching movies together, but i do not want to have a deeper romantic relationship with anyone. I just want to vibe, have loyal friends and enjoy my time! Being in a romantic relationship always filled me with anxiety and i know why now This video helps a lot and i wish i had found it a little bit sooner. Thank you for this video, im sure it will help and enlighten many people to come in the future, this is great work
Man, I just want to thank you. This was very helpful, I connected to basically all of it... I'm sad but I can't fix it. Thank you for helping me understand it again.
I like how I can watch this video, clearly knowing that I'm aromantic, and still be like: "Yup, that's me. Huh uh!! I feel like that too!!!" As if I didn't know already haha. Great video
I’ve only felt those butterfly feelings once, and that was in elementary school lol. Now I’m high school I can be interested in someone, but not only is that rare but I can never seem to get those butterflies again. I’ve never been on a date to see if I like that lovey dovey stuff, but I like imagining it, but things like hugs hardly ever make me feel anything so like cuddling or something probably won’t either. I want to be in a relationship, but friendship is my top priority, if romance might get in the way of friendship then I’m quickly turned away. I don’t know what sexual attraction feels like because I don’t feel lust for others, and I’m not 100% sure what it even feels like to be romantically attracted to someone because I don’t understand feelings well at all. Does this mean I’m like a lower level of aromatic or something? Or just inexperienced?
for me, i feel that, yes, i am aromantic……etc. at first I made this comment talking about how I was struggling saying I was aroace but I’ve now realized i’m abrosexual so my sexuality will change all the time! I’m so happy to have discovered this and I hope this helps any others questioning
I'm still unsure if i'm aromantic and ace. For example there was a friend of mine at work and as we were in one group for about a year we grew very close and spent far more time with wach other. And then I felt like I had my first and only crush. But when he hooked up with a colleague of ours it didn't Brother me at all. So maybe it wasn't love after all? And then other thing is, I have zero experience in Love and sex, so I don't really know if I'm asexual if I've never tried ITbut at least I don't miss anything of that
I’m 29 and never been interested in a relationship. I’ve had 1 year long relationship and had crushes, but it only happens when I’m interested in a particular someone and even then the idea of being in a relationship is daunting. I’ve never felt lonely or a longing to find ‘that someone’. I simply don’t care and have accepted that it is okay that I might not ever settle down with someone in a relationship.
I'm convinced the idea of saying "never felt romantic attraction" is a practical joke cause how is someone whose never experienced it gonna know what it is
I've just recently found out I'm aro/ace. I'm simply happier alone. With friends and family. I'm also child free by choice. It's just better for me. I hate romance. Everything is about it these days. Movies books video games. I can't escape that gross shit anywhere! It frustrates me to the moon.
When they explain about Romantic it sounds like getting anxiety, panic attack, hot flashes ect. And also they said it is positive feelings like I don't understand what was Romantic feels like and until I give up cuz idk what was romantic feels like.
I know that I'm ace but I've always wondered about my romantic feelings. I only had one or two crushes my whole life and I'm not even sure if it's anything romantic or not. I want a connection with someone and i want to share experiences with them. I want someone who can cheer for me and vice versa. Maybe i just want a human to talk to on deeper level since i don't do that out of fear. I'm not in a rush to find out yet so I'll just leave it at that for now.
My sexuality and romantic orientation confuse me sometimes. I think im somewhere on the aroace spectrum but some of my experiences confuse me because im not sure what i feel or what i've felt. I had a few "crushes" but it was elementary school and i think there wasnt any actual feelings there. The only person ive ever dated im not even sure i actually liked romantically (he didnt like me either apparently bc he came out as gay a few years later) i remember a mutal friend of ours point out that he only said hi to me (his other friends were right next to me) and my friend said i blushed (even then i was confused). That friend then basically dared me to ask him out and i did ( he said "uh, sure") it was nice and cute and the only thing we ever did was hug. He then moved away and i lost communication with him. I knew it was basically a break up but i was only sad that i lost contact with a close friend, im not sure i was really sad about breaking up. If i liked him romantically i was supposed to be more sad about the situation right? I can't tell if i actually liked him in that way or if i just liked the idea of liking someone like that. (Also it was 6th grade so, im not even sure how much that relationship would count) but i haven't liked anyone since (i'm now in college)
Even me since I never felt any romantic and sexual even I confused myself straight and sometimes aro ace due to me have a crush and forgot it for years
I dunno if I am for sure aroace, but I definitely am somewhere in the spectrums. And it's kinda funny because this one friend keeps asking me for advice about love stuff. And it does seem that the approach I take to this kinda stuff is different enough to offer some sort of insight to him and give him I guess a better perspective. I kinda like it honestly. Been really liking this channel as of late, cheers!
I’ve only been rejected once; around puberty, but after that i’ve given up. besides, ever since i’ve never felt I was pretty enough. I’m in my mid twenties now and I’ve never been in a relationship. sorry, that may not really be relevant to this in particular, but for some reason I was reminded of it.
Well. I am just relieve there's actually a lot of people like me, because back then I thought I was the only one. People tend to joke that I was " abnormal " because normal people tend to feel certain and I can't. I don't. I sometimes lie. "Yeah, I love that guy" just to shut them up 😂 I am just glad there's explanation.
It took me a very long time to find out. I knew I was different but I just assumed everyone just over reacted when it comes to romance and I always thought that my time to really fall in love like in all those books just wasn't there yet. Everybody I've told about that I'm aromantic said, that I am so lucky because love can be a real bitch. Which I get. Things can hurt. But I just feel like I'm missing out on something that for most people is such a big part of the human experience. I just want to know what it feels like. My biggest fear is to end up alone. I don't want children, I don't feel sexual attraction and I wouldn't feel good on acting like I am in love with someone just because I really like them as a friend. It wouldn't be fair towards them. Especially if they have feelings that I just don't have. I feel like an alien.
I’m still questioning if I’m aromantic bc if I am in love with someone it’s just sexual attraction, I’ve never been attracted to someone romantically and having romantic feelings toward others just doesn’t sound like me. Am I aromantic??
I've had crushes before but I don't think it was love. I went out with him several times and when it happened I ran away more than anything else because I was uncomfortable. Recently I thought I had really fallen in love but when a look of interest was exchanged I felt cold. Even though I loved him very much, I knew that if a romantic relationship were to develop, I would run away again because it is not romantic love. It's quite complicated because I wouldn't say no to a relationship but it scares me and I feel better alone
I think this is me. I am 27 and never really been in love with anyone. I want a strong friendship and would love to live with a good friend, but not in a romantic way.
I don’t know if I can actually say that I’m aromantic since I’m only 13, but I’ve never had a crush on anyone, and the things people are saying in the comments and some in the video apply to me. I’m just going to keep saying I’m straight until I’m older and then I’ll figure it out.
I always feel like others think I'm a zombie or something for not being able to relate to a romantic interest. But at the same time I like and care deeply about my family and friends. I think my brain just can't tell the difference between platonic and genuine love and care and romantic interest. To me it's all the same. Either I like and care for someone or I don't.
It's weird for me....I'm 17, never had a partner, male or female, in any of my years growing up. When i was younger, I used to fake having a crush, just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Stopped after I realized that I couldn't keep doing this. As of now, I just never had an actual attraction. There's still always that pressure in my mind that I should date just for the sake of being happy. Hence why I tried dating my fellow ASD friend 😅. I never had time to focus more on my own health than the outside world. I feel like I need more time for myself before I just do anything drastic as if getting into a relationship is going to make me better all of a sudden. Now if this doesn't make me aromantic, then I don't know what the hell this makes me. I guess I'm just rambling off for an explanation. Not trying to label myself, just trying to find myself out I guess
I may be Aromantic. That doesn't explain the lack of "love" that i have for my family and friends because that's not romantic. It troubles me greatly that i do not love my family and friends because apparently they are MEANT to love me and i'm MEANT to love them, but i don't.
I’ve became aromantic after experiencing how in love Casey Jones was with me ever since we first met, but he wouldn’t leave me alone, and he kept being a pervert to me by saying these stupid pickup lines just to win my heart, but he doesn’t listen to me when I said no! Jeez, some people! I like Casey as a friend but not romantically…. that’s why I’m no fan of romance and prefer staying single all my life unlike my big brothers
As an Asexual who is trying to discover if I’m on the spectrum of aromantic I just want to let people know who are reading this that… If you don’t experience sexual attraction, experience very little sexual attraction, don’t wanna fall in love, don’t wanna get married, maybe have had some crushes, if your a virgin, never been on a date, never had that warm feeling while being on a date…… You are still valid as a human being. Having sex, a partner doesn’t make you human. Yes we live in a society were it’s strangely obsessed with sex and marriage (in my opinion) and you can live a happy life without these things. Please don’t let anyone else make you feel other wise as being you is perfectly fine. You are not broken, your just being a normal human being. Sending all my love to my Asexuals and Aromantic sunflowers out there!! 💜🤍🖤 💚🤍🖤
I recently found out that I’m aromantic, and the hardest part for me was realizing what crushes were. I thought I had several crushes, but after thinking about it, they were never romantic. They were always just girls that I wanted to be friends with, and I just kind of assumed that that’s what a crush was. It’s hard to find out what romance actually is, because if you never experience it, you just assume what it feels like.
I totally agree, like I had so many crushes, I had even confessed, but it wasn't romantic at all and I didn't wanna date them as well. So I never really had a crush but what I experienced so many times was 'squish' instead
funny because i had a few instances where i look back and ask myself if i had a crush on a particular person... now that i have thought things through, i never had any sense of romantic attraction, but more so i was pushing myself to like said person because i thought that's what you're supposed to do, and that's "normal." other times it's just wanting to be noticed, or wanting male validation and attention but not romantically. i took me years to differentiate that.
I fellt the same but because I didn't have real friends to talk about those feelings so I only had movies or books as references and I kinda forsed myself to think I had a crush because of my age. I now know I'm probably Aroace but I still have to come to terms with it
Aro bisexual here, all my “crushes” was either a desire to become close friends with them or to do the bedroom tango. Long term loving relationship made no sense with me. I never seen a gf or bf in a romantic way. But in a best friend with benefits way. I was uncomfortable with touching in general, hugging and kissing. Sexuality wise, I always wanted it l, but only after knowing the person I wanted to do it with wasn’t just going to tap and run away forever. But will be with me as a friend. Idk, being aro and bi is a pain in the arse.
Same like I thought that I had crushes, until someone explained to me what it was to have romantic attraction towards someone and I was just like: “Wait a damn minute-“
A few other signs you might be aromantic (or arospec) based on personal experience: 1. You can’t tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction 2. You might THINK you have a crush on someone, but you’re never able to tell if it’s actually real. If you did have any feelings, they kinda just vanish after a bit. 3. One time I thought I had a crush on someone, but then I found out they had a partner and I realized I didn’t really care, and was actually kind of relieved. 4. You might tend to form really close platonic bonds with some of your friends. So close, in fact, that you might even start to wonder if your relationship is more than platonic (remember #1?) 5. The one time I was in a relationship, I very quickly started to panic and feel like I had made a mistake. I also felt like they loved me more than I loved them and I felt guilty for not returning the favour. This was before I realized I was Aro. 6. You can be Aro and still want to be in a romantic/semi-romantic relationship! I think that realizing you’re Aro can help you better understand what you really want out of a relationship. You might realize you only wanted it because society expected you too, perhaps you only want certain aspects in a relationship, or maybe you really do just want romance, you just don’t have the attraction to help you find it (Sorry for the wall of text)
Wow I relate so much to you!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, really helped me to think throughout why I had these feelings of guilty, and not understanding how people could feel that necessity for someone. I also panicked and felt like I wasn't deserved of that person because I didn't love them back, even if we were a good couple XD man, relationships are tiring
I think this is a really helpful list, I suspect I'm aro but it's hard for me to say for sure because I just can't wrap my head around what romance even is. But it kinda makes sense if I'm aro that I wouldn't necessarily be able to distinguish romantic feelings from platontic.
No #5 is so spot on. I've been struggling with it for years, even today. I always felt guilty because I couldn't love my partner the way they love me. I somewhat had this feeling that maybe romantic relationship isn't for me. I realized that I only desire companionship rather than relationship.
As an aromantic, I often find myself giving this analogy for how aromanticism feels for people who do experience that attraction. I basically just say, "It's like when you're shopping for clothes and you see a really cute blouse! It's adorable! But you put it back because it's not your style, and although it would look super cute on someone else, it's just not your style." And that usually helps to communicate what it feels like. I think romance is hella cute. I love seeing couples and reading sappy romance manga, but that doesn't make me wanna date or marry anyone. I've tried dating and it just makes me feel alienated from myself, like I'm roleplaying.
Very true. I love romance in movies, t.v, books, etc… but having it directed toward me makes me want to throw up in my mouth. I’m not asexual though, which can be tough to navigate, because I find that most people who are interested in sex want at least some romance involved.
"Like I'm role-playing" EXACTLY, YES! That's how I felt the one time someone asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with them :'D I'm still not sure what I am but boy that description feels spot on
Or, i give an example of sixth sense. We as general humans are fascinated by the idea of sixth sense. Someome wants to have that and someone is fine without experiencing it. It's the same with aromantic people, or, at least for me. I'm fascinated by the idea of loving just that one person so deeply and love to read and watch wholesome romantic stories unfold. However, i have never experienced it myself. But that's ok. I'm fine with it. I know love, just not the romantic love.
My teen daughter has been schooling me about gender and sexual identity. I grew up and spent my life chained in religion. When she was talking about aromantics, things really started clicking in my head. I realized that I have never felt romance. It simply is impossible for me seems like. I can't relate in any way to whatever feeling romance is. Still learning, trying to figure myself out. Also, parents please listen to your children. You might find out just how much smarter they are compared to you.
heyy! for the people who are questioning if they are aromantic please remember that some aromantic people still feel the desire to be in a romantic relationship! I'm aro and I'm not really okay with the fact that I'm not able to feel romantic love! I hope this will help!
1. You've never had a crush 2. You don't find yourself romantically attracted to anyone (often or it's confusing) 3. You experience platonic and familial love, but not romantic 4. You prefer being single 5. May feel sexual attraction, but no romantic attraction with it 6. You're ok with never having been in love
@@nwodepopulationcomingverys1288 Facts especially because now people aren't really demonized for staying single annd..hook up culture really did a number on love/romance 😂
Aromantic people generally don't feel like they need a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled and might be quite happy to stay single. Their lack of desire for romance can often cause people to think that they are "cold" or "prudish," but this isn't the case. Aromantic individuals can make social connections and feel platonic love, like between friends and family.
We(?) are not emotionless or unloving, but romance does leave us stone cold, and in a world that values romantic love above everythhing - "thanks" Hollywood😡🤬😡 - that kind of indifference will inevitably lead many observers to that conclusion! Again - f***ing Hollywood!
Usually I feel proud of being aromantic, but today, I feel extremely upset, not really because I want a partner (because I don’t), but I feel left out because of it. Most of my friends aren’t aromantic like me, so it makes me sad that I can’t relate.
You can’t change how you are. It’s a spectrum, so I can’t speak for you but just know that you’ll always get support from me and the rest of the aromantic community. QPRs exist so never feel like you’re missing out. It’ll work out eventually 💚🤍🖤
The idea of a relationship sounds more appealing than the actual relationship? Don’t really experience crushes mostly feelings of sexual attraction. Used to feel romantic attraction long time ago but I loose interest quickly due to expectations and stress😅
I've always like the idea of romance in my head, would create crazy romance stories about me and some other character, but when it actually came time for me to experience that, I've realized I am actually nothing like myself in my head... I identify now as a aegoromantic... I like the idea of romance but not actually being in one... There's also lithromantic (who experience romantic attraction but if they are reciprocated they just lose feelings) as the person above has said, but anyways all of these are "aro spec"...
There's a type of arospec called "Aegroromantic" its uncommon, but it still exists. Basically, you like the idea but not being in a relationship. It's in the middle of allo (non aro-spec) and aro, and is often misunderstood like Grayromantic :)
@@NathyIsabella I'm actually questioning if I'm an Aegoromantic, I'm glad to hear a similar experience from you! Thank you! (dw I have done some heavy research on the Aromantic spectrum)
I'm aroace (aromantic asexual) and this describes aromanticism almost perfectly! Granted I don't know if there is a way to describe it perfectly, but this is pretty close!
I’m demi-romantic, and I thought there was something wrong with me for years! My friends would all be drooling over a male stranger and I would just be sat there feeling nothing and not being able to relate. For ages I settled with the conclusion that I must’ve either been a lesbian or aromantic, but that didn’t make sense because I’d had plenty of crushes on guys. Then I found out about the possibility of being demi-romantic and it all made so much sense! There’s nothing wrong with me, I just have to form a very close bond with someone before I’m able to be romantically attracted to them :) In a way it’s a blessing because it means that I fall for someone’s personality before their looks!
I realised that I'm probably demi-romantic as well as all the girls who I actually liked, I only started to like them after knowing them for some time (might be the reason why it was always too late when I decided to try to ask them out as they have already found someone else or assumed that I only want to be friends, thus putting me in the friend zone which I didn't really mind as I was already friends with them before developing feelings for them). I noticed that I never really wanted to hook up with any of the girls my classmates tried to introduce me to, even if they apparently 'liked me' as I didn't want to get into a possible relationship with someone I don't even know (because I would have preferred to get to know them a bit first rather than jump into dating them instantly).
@@PolishPro69 I relate to this! Spending so long getting to know someone and becoming close with them that they think I’m not interested and move on😩 I was close with this guy and had a crush on him for years and I was absolutely gutted when I eventually found out that he liked me back and it was too late :(
Whenever I had a “crush” it was either someone I was really close to, or someone I found aesthetically pleasing. My last boyfriend was the only one I thought I had romantic attraction for, but he always made me uncomfortable with wanting to kiss or go further. It wasn’t until we broke up did I realize that I only liked him for his looks. I didn’t know romantic attraction and didn’t know that was a thing I didn’t feel. I was always told your partner or spouse would be your best friend. So I always saw love platonically but never saw it more than that. My parents are best friends so I thought that was natural. Then I was exposed to the aroace spectrum and everything fell into place
I would like to talk about the last point "youre fine with never being in love". I think there is a slight misconception that aromantic are just constantly chillin. Not caring about never being in love is really just a opinion. Apart of someones peronality, an emotion. Just because someone is aromantic doesn't mean they are automatically fine with it. But just because theyre not fine with doesn't mean they want a romantic relationship. Someone can be not fine with it and also not want a girlfreind or boyfreind ect. I hope this made sense as i didn't really do a good job of explaining it but anyway.
Aaah The never ending conflict of being an AroAce, and still not wanting to be alone LOL. Only late in life I've found out I fell into the AroAce spectrum. And for the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. Thankfully there have been more and more youtube channels like this one bringing more awareness to this topic. Great work.
Same lol. Oh well… guess we can be alone together. I’m still hoping something might change. It makes me sad to think I won’t ever be in a loving relationship where I too feel romantic love
This goes out to all my fellow Aro/Ace people. TAKE CARE IF YOURSELF- it’s okay to not love someone back! It’s better to just tell them straight that your Aro/Ace and not interested in a relationship. Don’t be sad about not having a relationship either! You can still lead a life filled with love and compassion! Familial love, platonic love, love for a hobby- or a food- or even just something that makes you feel good. Having a dog, a few close friends, and your family is a TOTALLY VALID things and you can enjoy your life! Not every relationship has to end in romance! And if that’s what the other person wants it’s okay to turn them down- if you do decide to date them let them know your Aro/Ace so they might have to kickstart the romance stuff. For example I have a Mastiff mix I named Bones, a Betta fish, three neon tetras, And entire house AND garden of plants tho show my love to. Not to mention all my close family and friends! I lead a life full of love and positive relationships and I have no romantic or sexual relationships.
I have a doubt . I want relation with someone but the relation be in a friendly manner I mean my partner and i should be more like best friends to each other Is this related to aromanticism ?
@@Lucky-vu6hw It depends- it was only after I broke up with my first girlfriend that I realized I was Aro/Ace. I found I had never experienced the romantic attraction in the first place. Only platonic. Here’s the question- how would your relationship change if you were just friends? Would you enjoy that more then what you have now? Less? The same? It’s easy to receive love from your partner and respond in the same way you would as if a friend did it. Sure you may kiss or cuddle or say I love you but do they fell different then any other one of your friends? If they feel like a friend that you just say I love you too then you might be Aro/Ace. If it’s a friend who you think you might have romantic attraction too that’s not my field- but ask yourself the same question of how would your relationship change If you were just friends?
Very happy to see a channel with so many subscribers go over what being aromantic is as someone who is aromantic! Also loved how you covered the fact you can be aromantic but not be asexual. So many people think that you can't be aromantic without being asexual.
I settled with the label “aromantic” a few weeks back, and I find that it describes me perfectly. The closest thing I’ve had to an actual “crush” is a squish, which is somewhat like a crush, except with strong platonic feelings instead of romantic ones. While I currently have what would be considered a partner (despite it being unofficial), I still don’t possess any true romantic feelings and desires. I’m just hoping that despite having contrasting wishes and relationship goals, we’ll be able to keep this boat afloat.
Have you heard of queer platonic relationships? You could look into it if you want, I find it similar to what most people call "talking to someone" phases, but it is a very diverse thing and as long as you both communicate what you want and boundaries and such. You'll do just fine, good luck :)
@@fallofftheplanetwithme3106 Yep, I’ve heard of it, and I’m looking to try to communicate about it with my friend. Though they’re someone who hasn’t exactly heard of it, so it might take a moment to explain it all to them. And thank you!
I'm aro/ace and for the longest time I confused strong platonic feelings for crushes, and when I stop and think about it, I realize that they are not crushes at all.
You don't have to settle for a label. You are you, the labels are just words to help you describe yourself more succinctly, but if they don't exactly fit, better to describe yourself in sentences. You seem to have a pretty good handle on that already. :-)
