just remember that we all deal with this at some time on some level. take a few deep breaths and remember that you are worth being loved and hold on loosely
The fact that you fear that means that you’re caring and empathetic though- worrying that you hurt others makes you so much more aware Ava a better person to be around
1. You’re kind of a know it all (you want people to follow you cause “you know best”) 2. You shower someone with affection and pull back when they do anything wrong (push and pull tactic used to retain control) 3. Very adamant to get what you want (very controlling, guilt tripping, blaming to get it) 4. Jealousy makes you do problematic things 5. You never say what you want outright (guilt tripping others into doing what you want) 6. You use relationships as bait ( e.g do something for me if you really love me and not doing it means they don’t love you)
I know it all, but I know it all because that makes me happy, like no one else and only me, so people can stop judging me. I “pull back” only when it’s getting out of hands, like when you meet a guy, that is like doesn’t know much, he hurts people without knowing, but then he starts to more like, being more mean and traitor, so that’s when I “pull back”. I am adamant because of the phobia I have, that is fear of making decisions, it makes me say, no, but I don’t like it more than 3 times. I am jealous because my parents totally always keep an eyes on others and it makes me jealous, or sometimes because they have a very good talent, but mostly of because parents. Another because of phobia to make decisions, I have strict parents and it makes me hard to say it out and embarrassed. I sometimes do that, it means that I want that person to have more time with me, like for example what I say to my bestie: let’s do homework instead of you watching ur mobile 24/7, so now I’m her worst nightmare in the weekends lol. That’s all. I hope I wasn’t rude :)
@🌹• Isabela_Mariposa •🌹 Hey, it's okay. Well, not necessarily okay that you do those things, but you don't need to panic. Some of them apply to me too. It's a good thing that you've realized that you're being manipulative. Self-realization is the first step in growth. You should examine yourself and ask yourself why you do these things. If talking to someone about it helps (family member, therapist, friend, etc.) then do that. Then I would say communication is the next step. If you feel like you are being manipulative to certain people then apologize and communicate how you want to be better. If you feel like the best thing to do for you to do is take a small break from a relationship to improve yourself then do that, but make sure you've communicated that to your friend or partner. I don't know your situation, so it's possible you need time to work on yourself, and that's okay. It's never too late to work on yourself to be better.
@🌹• Isabela_Mariposa •🌹 Np, I'm glad I could help (: If you feel jealous of a friend hanging out with someone else, just remember that just because they love someone else doesn't make them love you any less. This is also something you can communicate with your friend if you distant from them. Communication is very important.
this is kinda scary, but i just recently got kicked out of my closest friend group for a point being "i'm being too manipulative". which i have never thought to be so, but after being told so i realized it might be subconscious. i'm so glad i got this recommended today and realize number 1 and 5 def. got me. i love this video and how much it helps me. this couldn't have come at any better time. thank you for this.
Do you like true crime? I watching boze vs the world talk about narcissistic people in true crime cases helped me with my narcissistic behaviors. I don’t know if you have those though. Idk I found it helpful.
I used to manipulate a lot without realizing and it's caused me to ruin relationships and friendships. Now I am pretty much scared to talk to other people because I am afraid that I might be manipulating them and hurting people who I love and care about. Thank you for this video
I was at the rock bottom of mental health a couple of years ago. I've constantly grown and changed over time(drastically). Let me tell you the thing that helps- Open mindedness. Don't be afraid. A big change requires a lot of small changes from time to time. The more you'll be afraid of something, the more you'll be subconsciously intrigued to do that because you'll be feeding that archetype of yours, which is bad. Rather, try to deem yourself being a guy who doesn't feed an archetype and believes in a concept throughly. I'm manipulative too, and I've worked through it. I realize it, fear it, but try to keep an open mind for solving it. It's better not to be binary in decision making, I'd say. I hope you have a great journey ahead. Just keep an open mind and solve those issues by breaking them into pieces.
Also, when one person tends to do something that is considered wrong, the natural tendency of people is TO pull away. Nobody wants to be treated with disrespect.
@@ApahtieParty It truly depends on the scenario with that. A friend I had hated some things I did, but never told me they didn't like it. At some point, we had an argument, in which they blamed me for those problems, despite never giving me a chance to fix it.
if you have watched this and want to know more about this and learn this skill. I recommend the manipulation enigma book, which has surprisingly successful content
I watched a show recently, and I was thinking to myself "This show would be really therapeutic for my friend, but they might see flaws from me in the show and leave me and they mean the world to me, so I can't recommend it to them." And almost immediately I realized what selfish thing I just thought up. I'm trying to better myself, I promise I'll be better.
I understand that 100%.I always want to send these videos to people so they will know why I am the way I am.But then I think about how they will see that in me and leave .But I'm sure they already do cuz I have no frinds
Can I just say how wholesome this comment section is. All these people wanting and trying to better themselves, its so encouraging! Keep it up everyone!
This is a message to anyone who has ANY of these signs: I watched this video a few months back and had almost all these signs. Back then I was too ashamed to comment, and honestly I hated myself for being that way. I gave myself time and whenever I did something and the other person was hurt, I let my ego go and apologized immediately. Now when I watched this video again, I realised that I've improved a lot. So my point is, don't blame yourself too much because you always have time to change and make things right. It's never too late to be a better version of yourself. Hope this message helped you. Take care of yourself as well as other's ;)
The jealousy one applies to me. As someone who hasn't had many friends up until college, I always was jealous whenever a person I got to befriend preferred to hang out with others than me. I'm definitely in a much better spot right now but jealousy is definitely one of my more pronounced flaws.
well that depends if that friend still finds some time for you or deliberately avoids you to show off with his favorite friends all the time... maybe that person is the problem and you just need to find someone more worth your time and energy instead
Same and it was because of this that I lost many friends, I was very jealous, I discussed with everyone and expected them to come to me and apologize, they never did and I have been alone since then.
5. Is not openly saying what you want yet guilt-tripping others about not giving it to you. So for example having untold/hidden expectations about person or situation, then getting upset at them for not delivering.
2. push and pull this is a trained method to teach someone what you like and dislike its pretty simple. It is also the way you train dogs and many animals, I don't see how this is toxic or manipulative. To me this is something that happens because if you are around that person you are reminded of what they did wrong.
@@tatianacarretero686 I’ve done these things before, and need to improve. I want to always be perfect for my mom and dad because their the the reason I have food and a house but I also have strict parents who I must obey 24/7. I mean I get it! respect the ones who give you shelter and food and stuff like that but their one of the reasons I can’t talk to people about my problems..it’s like I feel they’ll care less and make fun of me for things like this. I can’t talk to my parents about anything because all they wanna do is SOLVE the problem and not just LISTEN TO ME. I get in trouble for simple things like yelling at my sister when I have a very short temper, they make me feel bad about it instead of just talking to me. They say things like “Your the older one and you should be responsible” or “Don’t be such a baby their younger than you, you should ignore it”. Just because I’m “older” doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings as well. I try to hide my feelings all the time because of this, I don’t want them to know because they will just try to force me to feel better and suck it up when the only thing I want to talk about is my FEELINGS!
Hero we need but dont deserve. Push and pull is manipulative? Have these guys read a dating manual? I bet if you were to go to their "twin souls" video youll have them mention a "push and pull" dynamic and its "beautiful" in that context. Doing anything to get what you want? Staying later past close to get a better paycheck is manipulative 😂 Jealousy had/has very real purpose, esspecially in the confines of a relationship and both men and women use it in the form of "dread game" Figures psychtoday or w/e takes a swing and a miss.
I hate that some of these habits are things I’ve done. But I think it’s important to self reflect and realize when you’re doing some of these. Thanks for the self reflection 🙏🏽
If you understand you were mistaken, and are willing to learn how to be better, you should be happy to be a better person. Recognizing your own wrongdoings is a very valuable ability.
6 signs you're manipulative without realizing: timestamps( • ̀ω•́ )✧ 1. You're kind of a know-it-all 0:23 2. You shower someone with affection then pull back if they do something wrong 1:10 3. You're being adamant about getting what you want 1:41 4. Jealousy makes you do problematic things 2:26 5. You never say what you want outright 3:08 6. You use relationships as bait 3:44 edit : I mistyped pull into full(；一_一)
As a kid, I always knew what to say to get others to do what I wanted without outright saying it. After a while I felt really bad about it and started correcting my behaviors. This kind of reminded me of how far I’ve come, so thank you!
I went into this video thinking I'd identify with several of the listed behaviors, and was surprised to finish without that happening. It just reminded me of how prone I am to see myself as selfish and manipulative because that's what my parents branded me as when I was growing up. They saw malice in everything I did, and apparently I haven't shaken that off yet. Thank you for indirectly helping me realize that I still have some ways to go to move on from this negative view of myself.
I think I might be in this same category. I come to videos like this to try and figure out if I'm too cold, toxic, etc, because I can't seem to find a group of friends I like and care about and who like and care about me. But the only one I might be guilty of is the pulling away thing, and there it might be actually that I over-commit and then pull back when I realise I'm more invested than them, trying not to be clingy. Anyhow, take away I guess is that social stuff is hard.
Exactly! Parents really screw over your perception of self. I personally only related to the initial description of 1 and 5 but not to when it was actually explained. Like 5. I don't say what I want, but that is me being a people-pleaser and I never guilt-trip someone over what I actually wanted. Being a know it all never made me act superior or more confident either. There are benefits to everything, including being an idiot. I don't cosider one more valuable then the other, that is what society does.
same with me. i panicked when this video was recommended, because i was afraid of being told that im manipulative once again, but also wanted to know for sure if i was or not. i know that i was taught to view myself as evil and my behaviours as way worse than they are, but it still surprises me how much it still affects me.
" I'm surprised that you can think that you can choose your own image " -Victor Nikifirov This is true the way you see yourself doesn't always have to be true
I realize how unready I am for a relationship as I watch this channel. There's a long road to go to make things right about me, then I can love someone else.
This really helped me figure out why my mom said I was being manipulative. I never believed her because I never meant to be, but now I understand areas I need to work on instead of just being told to stop being manipulative. This really helped me figure out what I needed to fix. Thank you guys!
@@melaniemartin4319 because I used make her not go away from me. By saying like, you are my friend. You care for me you cannot do that and many more. I lost her anyways. I wished I had known my mistake earlier. I hope none of you make the same mistake I made.
@@SandeepSingh-jm1lv It's already a big step realising your mistakes, one can only get better if they come to realize what they did wrong. Wish you the best and I hope self-improvement be present in your life for the long run 💖
Should it be a labelled a crime,if you use manipulation for evil intentions,until it ends in assault, throughout the course of history it has been used to help people get their way,and now all of a sudden humanity finds fault with it💥❌🚩✔️💲
ahhh I relate to this so badly its sad, every time I express my side of a story, they think I am being manipulative when really I am just telling them something vulnerable.
@@soulesswhale7644 I just had a fight like this with my friend last night. We both were just trying to say our feelings, and the way she puts her feelings came off as a bit guilt tripping but I tried to stop and understand she's just hurting and expressing her feelings, not trying to interfere with my personal issues (the fight was that I have stuff going on and haven't been as available lately because marriage comes first)... And when I tried to explain to her that i understood that but i had to take care of my own problems first so I may not he as present, she got upset and said she didn't need the guilt trip when she was just trying to explain her feelings and she understood that stuff... I just replied I know and I wasn't trying to guilt her, I was just explaining my stuff and she reiterated she already knew that so it came off as guilting so I told her that her getting on me is she knows I'm having g personal issues could come off as guilting and she got upset and said she wasn't trying to guilt me and she has a right to explain her emotions. I told her yes she does and I have a right to explain my stuff too.. ...and it just went back and forth like that until I had to cut it off for the night and send her home because it was 1am and I had an early day and needed to go to bed, plus I was shaking with anger and needed to step back before i had a meltdown, to which she got upset and wouldn't leave because she wanted to at least end the night by calminh down but I told her that one, we always get roped back into discussing our fights and u needed the break and two I was telling her to get out of my house and go home because I wasn't in my clear state of mind and she needs to respect my boundaries and she kept refusing.... I didn't wanna shout or call the police so I just walked away to my bedroom and went to bed, she left later when I didn't come out....it just upsets me. I can be manipualtive sometimes, I know that about myself, but she can be too and right now we haven't talked about it yet, but she did send a message apologizing this morning and I have been running errands and doing my things so I haven't had a chance to sit and talk with her.....but I'm tired of being the only one trying to be less bitchy and not receive the same respect. She tries in other respects but she plays victim when it comes time for me to stand firm on my boundaries newscaster I'm used to ppl stomping on my boundaries in the past.... When she comes out of her emotio al states (she has bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc) she's a lot more rational and apologetic for her behavior ior and i apologize as well for my tempers and stubbornness, etc, but it just hurts... Sorry to dump all of this out, I'm still raw from it all and just needed it off of my chest...
@@EmiriTsukiyo It's fine I understand that you should definitely get it off your chest, that is a lot to keep to yourself and bottle up emotions. I think you made4 the right decision standing back because something might have gotten out of hand. The truth is that you both have your own personal issues and its good that you both are aware but what I think you both need to do is sit and talk and promise each other that you will both put your sides of the story and the other doesn't make it about them. Also, say that any of you shouldn't fight or raise your voice because that can pile up emotions and make an outbreak. One-on-one talk is the chance to talk it out calmly and make an agreement. Sorry if this is bad advice it just has never happened to me... I hope it helps!
I wish I never became manipulative, it does genuinely suck. Especially when you have or had a relationship with someone and lost it because of the unintentional manipulation.
that's okay buddy as long as u realise it's half the problem solved..i think it would be helpful to reflect why you became manipulative..ex as this video said having strict parents .children imitate their parents behaviour without knowing..i hope once you know the source of the problem it will further help u to change ...good luck..hope you have wonderful relationships in future🎉🎉🎉
I think what your speaking on is just boundaries. I disagree with the video on several points. Int okays world you don't just let yourself be vulnerable.
I think it’s very important to acknowledge SOME of these things, or really 1 of these things can be healthy if used in the right way. For example, having an argument and pulling back from the person. Yes, if you make the other person feel guilty and try to make them one to you first, that’s manipulative and toxic. But this doesn’t mean that pulling back from a person after an argument in itself is manipulative. Sometimes it’s very important to take that time away from the person in order to self reflect and calm down, then you can come back together and talk it out in a more level headed manner later. If you have an argument with someone don’t force yourself to keep the argument going when you’re both emotional, let them know you need to take a step back for a bit and come back to it in the near future.
Yes this is why i got so confused from watching this video. I was wondering if I was a bad person, but everyone needs time to think and reflect on what they did wrong or if they were right to come up with a counter argument. I don't think it would be good to stay around a person after arguments or even just when they have done something you dislike, it makes your mind brew while their still around making you judge their every action.
Yeah, there is a major difference between needing some space yo cool off and doing this in a manipulative manner. Like, if you're having an argument and one or both parties are very emotional it can be healthy to separate and calm down before you go back and talk through it. That way you can both talk with more rational minds and not say things you'll regret later. However, being manipulative about it would be like if someone does something minor or is really a non-issue and you use that tactic to get what you want.
In the video they mean pulling back completely. You guys are talking about giving yourself to calm down and letting the situation cool down, the thing in the video is not giving the person attention/affection/just completely ignoring them outright until they come to you and apologize.
I used to be super manipulative(Like, when I was in elementary/middle school), but I realized that all I was doing was hurting my friends, and I actually changed for the better. I didn't realize what I was doing was manipulative until much later in life, but luckily I was able to realize what I was doing was wrong before it became an unbreakable habit later in my adult life.
This is really helpful. A hard pill to swallow but helpful. Thanks to this channel, I’ve been able to reflect more on my toxic tendencies in my relationships. Personal growth is the most challenging thing. To reflect and be self aware while not criticizing and punishing myself. It’s a balance that’s proven difficult to grasp. Thank you for this content. We’re all learning and growing together ❤
For number two, I did some thinking... And this is how I personally see it. It is all in the motives. The act of pulling away from someone treads a very very thin line, bordering on manipulation. But sometimes it is necessary. You must ask yourself an important question: "why am I pulling away from them?" Give yourself some time to reflect on your reasoning, put yourself in their shoes, and consider what you are about to do, because it is a very weighty decision. Here are a few justified reasons I can think of: - "They seriously hurt me or someone else physically, psychologically, or emotionally, so I want to prevent it from happening to me (again)" - "They act in ways that puts themselves and the people around them in great danger" - "They are unapologetic and/or manipulative" Inversely, here are some reasons that I don't believe are justified: - "They did something hurtful to me, so I want to pull away to make them feel hurt" - "They aren't giving me enough attention, so I want to make them chase after my affection" - "I don't want to admit that I made a mistake or was wrong, so I want to hurt them instead of coming clean" Of course, it will always be a case by case thing to determine whether it is right or wrong, but the thing to remember is always place your safety and health above your relationships with other people. And to never pull away with the intent to hurt. If you decide to break things off or pull away from someone (perhaps you just need some space to reflect and recoup), you can try to make the other person hurt less by doing a few things: - give them closure. Be honest with them of why you are doing what you're doing. Don't ever leave them wondering what they did wrong. - let them down easy, if possible. Don't just suddenly pull away from them, that will just make them feel empty and broken. Try to be there for the other person and comfort them through the heartbreak. Just because you two are no longer what you were before, doesn't mean you necessarily need to give them the cold shoulder. Remind them that they are loved and that they have other friends they can turn to. Remind them that they still matter, even if your relationship with them isn't what it was before. - be conscious of any mental complications they may have. A person with depression may take a lot more delicacy and care. However, in doing these things, don't allow them to manipulate you. And if the situation is extreme enough, you aren't obligated to do these things by any means. Again, prioritize your own safety first above all else. This is just my take on this. Please feel free to let me know how you think about it. We are all in this together.
And for anyone wondering... Yeah. I have done these things. All of them. I have pulled away for the sake of my own safety and mental health, and I have, unfortunately, also pulled away with the intention of hurting someone. I am not proud of it at all. And I hope that I will never do it again. I hope that my comment can teach you this important lesson, so that you do not need to learn it the hard way as I did. One last thing: I don't mean to come off as macho or "superior" just because I know this. I have seriously hurt several people whom I was extremely close with. I have screwed up my own life and the lives of people I used to be close with because of my arrogance and shortsightedness. I know sometimes it's hard to listen to someone lecturing you because they come off as "I'm better than you", but I am not better than you. I want you to be better than me.
I think another valid reason to pull away is to observe your own emotions, especially if you are more sensitive/have a tendency to people please, fawn, etc. Because sometimes you literally can't react well in a conflict, and either end up sacrificing your needs, or hurt the other person, or both. Getting a few days without the person, reflecting on the emotions and self worth can do wonders, if you are allowed to do that.
This was definitely helpful. I tend to "fall into" leadership type roles because I'm impatient, a perfectionist, and yes a bit of a know it all. I constantly worry I'm being manipulative in my romantic relationship because of these tendencies that helped me so often in work and school, and try to combat it by being self aware of it whenever possible, and trying to apologize/ be gracious about it, even though that admission is really hard for me, and I don't succeed as often as I can. I saw myself in some of these, but it also reassured me in others. I'm not perfect, but I'm also not malicious, and I'm trying to be better.
SAME, believing and trusting someone else to do something for me is so hard because my entire life people just made empty promises and forgot to do important things that they told me they would do
@@stephanieprekeges522 i think if us people with this type of skill use it to help people when theyre clearly distressed and in need is a good way to use it. yeah there can be times when talking to someone about a problem isnt on my mind right away when i get home from doing something and im pissed off, but always being there will give the person whatever they need to eventually be able to resolve it with you. me and my ex gf were always on opposite ends of the emotional intelligence spectrum so a lot of the time my advice wouldnt even help, but hearing what i say and thinking for herself with someone who she knew was caring and kind was all tha really mattered
@@AmandaSbarros i think if us people with this type of skill use it to help people when theyre clearly distressed and in need is a good way to use it. yeah there can be times when talking to someone about a problem isnt on my mind right away when i get home from doing something and im pissed off, but always being there will give the person whatever they need to eventually be able to resolve it with you. me and my ex gf were always on opposite ends of the emotional intelligence spectrum so a lot of the time my advice wouldnt even help, but hearing what i say and thinking for herself with someone who she knew was caring and kind was all tha really mattered
I had issues with the push and pull behaviour. I am very glad my friend was so loyal to confront me about it instead of dropping me off, cause I really didn't realise how I subconciously tried to emotionally punish people with that neglection
1- You are a know it all 2- Shower someone with affection and then pull back 3- Adamant to get what you want 4- Jealousy makes you do hurtful things 5- You never say what you want outright 6- Use relationship as bait 7- You clicked on this video Hope this helps!!! Also thank you for making this video!!
I was scared that I may be too manipulative toward others, but the only thing I noticed in me is about jealousy. I'm sometimes really jealous and I do things that I regret, but I think I bring them back until someone sees it or I just go and apologize. Well, there are some things to improve, but hey, any of you shouldn't blame yourself for this type of behaviour! You can do this, I believe in you :D
@@sekiezkogg the most important thing is to work. Sometimes everyone acts bad towards someone, but ability to see your mistakes is the most precious one, so I wish you the best of luck!
I always watch stuff like this to make sure I’m having a good impact on the people around me, and I never find any of the signs within me, but always in my best friend that cut me off recently because I dared to try to help her not be manipulative. It’s one of those times where being right isn’t that great a feeling.
Yeah, I feel ya. Being right sometimes indeed, not a great feeling, but don't let it to stop us from doing so. Just wish them someday they will realise, and change for the better of themselves. After all we can't help people who don't want a help.
@@userm180 🤞 I know its hard, they're not a robot who can be reprogrammed easily. They also have reasons(child trauma, etc) why they did that. We can only show them that we care and give them advice, but its up to themselve want to accept it or not.
@@v-alfred i know :) but rlly, this manipulating literally ruined me and my childhood. they may have reasons (which in my case, they rlly didnt) but that still doesnt justify it. i now have to live with this thing that happened in the past for the rest of my life, and it affected every aspect of it. so while im accepting them and appreciating that theyre changing, i cant say i have much sympathy for the ones that dont even wanna realize their mistakes.
this totally makes sense, I just want to point out the push and pull. this one stuck out to me because sometimes when someone does something I don't believe is okay and totally wrong I will become stern and mention that to them. personally I think its not okay to let people be wrong it situations affecting you. if YOU are not comfortable in a situation and your friend/friends are doing something, especially if you told them more then once that its wrong and you're not comfortable with it, then you have every right to be upset :)
You tell them. That's the difference. A manipulative person would try to make them feel bad from the start about it without telling them outright, and if they do so it's not in a direct way at first.
Sometimes it's difficult and anoying to have to chew everything for them. Sometimes you just want to get away and not feel like you need to explain yourself. In these situations, the goal is not to force the person to change or look for you. The goal is to get away from something that hurts.
This was my fear all the time. That I manipulate people and don't know it. I know that I'm intimidating with my strong personality and I always know what I want. But looks like I am not manipulative at all. I'm in a way the know-it-all but it's because I'm intrested in so many things, read a lot of stuff, that I just am informative about it. Maybe it's sometimes wrong... But I don't do the rest. And I'm happy. As an empath I wished the least to hurt people, mostly the closest one to me.
SAME. I WAS THINKING I'M MANIPULATIVE ALL THE TIME (sorry for the cap but yeah). I have a vast range of interest in things. I read from autobiographies to fiction to technical books. I listen to songs from 50 years ago to 5 months ago. That just makes me knowing many things and i can give people advices as wel because I've gone through some major things in my life as wel (hey I'm too young but I'm not usually wrong)
I think I am kinda know it all because of the very same reason of urs nd wants others to follow my advice bt it doesn't matter if anyone listened or not..nd its also a fact that mostly my suggestions are right but i don't force others to follow.. But still i often get accused of being manipulative but except for the first thing i don't do any of those things as said in video. Even i sometimes think maybe I am manipulative and that's why m being accused. And sometimes i feel helpless because of these thoughts cause i don't know what I am doing wrong. Many blamed my voice for it cause i sound serious bt i can't change my voice. And it's really hard to explain everybody so slowly i've started distancing myself from people
@Niphyra nope, i dont give advices *without being asked* but yes when asked, i give advice. Also no, i dont talk about myself w others a lot, only when asked. I hope that's right
Also what about, when the other person wants to argue about something like, i formal argument but w friends, then i put up my opinions. Idk that offends some people but then again, they want argument and I'm ready for it so?
Personally, being a know-it-all doesn't has to equal being manipulative. As long as you are simply informing others, but allowing them to make their own decisions and not making them feel bad for being less knowledgeable then you, its not manipulative to me. Both intelligence and stupidity have their own values, and if you can appreciate the morons for being morons and the smarty pants for being smarty pants, then there's nothing wrong with it. Its society that makes being dumb the bad thing and being intelligent the positive thing because inteligence allows things it to progress and evolve. Hell, the words themselves are considered negative and 'intelligent' a positive word when they are essentially just opposing concepts that BOTH have brought forth good and bad things and each person pays a price and gets something good out of their own intellectual level no matter how low or high it is.
The last one hit like home, about a year ago I was dating this girl who really had this behavior of making me feel bad if I didn't do this do that for her post arguments, boy was that ever a lesson to me. in that relationship I started to gain less respect for my own self, turns out she cheated and at the end of the relationship and after all of the trauma so did I. In the end being with a bratty manipulative girl is one thing but not respecting your self and walking away is another. Zoe if ur out there I hope you found that six figure guy you always dreamed of having in front of my face, because I found a woman who has showed me that I'm worth billions.
0:22 - Sign 1: You're kind of a know-it-all 1:10 - Sign 2: You shower someone with affection then pull back if they do something wrong. 1:41 - Sign 3: You're very adamant about getting what you want 2:26 - Sign 4: Jealousy makes you do problematic things 3:08 - Sign 5: You never say what you want outright 3:42 - Sign 6: You use relationships as bait I hope this helped 😄 dang, it went to 68 likes then when I refreshed it went to 70
These are good. I was recently accused of being a know-it-all! But if something is a fact about reality, like the Earth being round, and your date declares loudly and proudly they believe the Earth is flat, I'm going to go ahead and be a "know it all."
I just responded with my own comment about this. I am just now on my journey to leaving a toxic relationship where my ex told me it was always me manipulating things... but its really been him. I dont align with any of these things... unfortunately he lines up with it all 😓
I actually did click on the vid for that exact reason. I align with a lot of them and I feel horrible. I feel like because I’m so unhappy with my own life I put it all on my boyfriend and he deserves none of it. I always feel the need to be in control so I’m gonna need to work on changing my bad habits around. This is going to be one hell of a journey.
Thank you so much for this video, I am always super anxious about me being unconsciously manipulative towards the people I like,tho i dont do all of these,i've been left by someone I really liked,maybe cz of my manipulative behaviours, i'll try to keep this in mind ! Love from india
I can say I use to do a lot of stuff that were said here.. but after many years, time with therapist, distancing my self from some people and some work. I'm a lot better person. Some stuff still stayed, but now I'm at least in control. Realizing what I'm doing and being able to say sorry. So I'm here to say.. everyone can change for the better.
Im glad to know that Im not any of these, but I know that I do have flaws that I need to work on to become a better person for myself and for other people. Also I really support this type of content because it can help people who don't realize that they're being the person that they don't want to be. I feel like there should be more content like this, everywhere in social media and not just RU-vid.
same! Ive been told that i'm manipulative by friends before, but ive recently realized (and this reaffirmed it) that i am the one being manipulated and i wanted some freedom :"D
It definitely reassured me that I don't exhibit these behaviors, but damn it helped me realize someone I've been questioning shit over DEFINITELY does...
I watched this because I've been questioning some of my actions, and basically all of them popped up in this video (the only thing I don't do being the last one). Another thing I do that I feel is manipulative is what I'd call "trying to force someone into doing something without actually forcing them," it's kind of similar to reasons one, three, and five in a way, but it's mainly different. For example; if my friend is about to do something dumb (or has already done it), I'll say something along the lines of "y'know, I really wouldn't do/have done that if I were you." Which may not seem all that bad in itself, but when they blow that off, I'll keep hinting about it in an incredibly passive-aggressive manner, which soon escalates into almost full-on aggression. I'll begin to say things such as "you're really going to regret this," "you've already done this millions of times and it never works out, are you seriously going to do it again," or "I usually try to be there for you, but it comes to a certain point where I've told you the same crap too many times." And sometimes, I'll even try to play off the rude things I say as a joke (my humor is sarcasm and silly, little insults, and they know this, so it always ends up working). I am unfortunately very adamant about things having to be done my way, and even though it's usually for their own good, I should really train myself to just let them learn from their own mistakes, no matter how many times it ends up taking.
I hope you’ll be able to move past this I’m sure your friends and loved ones will understand and help you. Maybe you could tell them to do a certain action if you start acting like that again? I personally watched this vid cause I do sometimes…mostly teachers honestly most of my classmates are very troublesome so I act like a golden child to save myself if I do something bad or get a bad grade 😅 yeah probably should stop doing that
Well, you DO want to help them, and that's a good thing... but you should learn that not everyone wants your help, not even your friends at times... so, if they don't ask for your help, don't try helping them... doing nothing to help your loved ones might sound wrong, but helping someone who refused to be helped is just stressful for both of you.
part of me really wanted to make a joke saying something like "I'm not manipulative! YOU ARE!" but after seeing all the comments i kinda feel awe'd at the amount of people who either want to change or are getting batter
I’ve always felt scared that I’m manipulative. I really don’t mean to be, it’s a disgusting thing and I’ve always tried to be the best person I can be… I’m so glad you didn’t make me seem like a horrible person in any of these. Especially since I truly don’t mean to do anything. I am working on myself, I don’t want to be like this…
Believe it or not, I only related to the ones about wanting to be in control. So imma just say I’m a control freak. One time my sibling said I was, and it made me question things. And now, I’ve found this video. So thanks for making this, I’ll try to work one what I’m doing.
Control and not opening up for me, I’m not overly obsessed with being in control but whenever I’m not I don’t like it, I usually tell people what I want outright but if your not family or very close friends I don’t like opening up.
I feel "genuinely uncomfortable" being affectionate with someone I'm usually affectionate with when they did something wrong, I don't think it's an aggressive reaction but I may end up wanting some space or cooldown for a time, though, I appreciate it when they reach out first to address what they did. Does this count as push and pull behavior?
If they did something to make you upset, I wouldn't say so. You need alone time to process what's been done and if you are going to forgive them. If someone made me upset, I wouldn't accept a hug from them, and vice-versa, I wouldn't offer a hug. It puts people in a weird position Edit: spelling
Just keep working on it man! It's not possible to completely change in an instant, takes time to heal and being aware of your toxic behaviours is the first step
This really brings up memories, thank god I managed to catch and end these behaviours over quarantine when I had time and space to reflect on how I treated friends.
I don't remember being like this but I do know when I was a child and teen people used to say I can be manipulative. I feel I've worked on it because it's been long since I've heard of that. I read in a book that it's best to be open. Say what you mean and what you want.
I’ve struggled with 2, 4, & 5 in the past. So glad I realized it before it got too out of hand. We are a work in progress guys. Never forget that change is absolutely possible if you want it,
I have a best friend named Chloe, she’s a soft and gentle person, but I’m not. I can relate to lots of things in this video. When she does something wrong I become a toxic friend, with fire coming out of my head. She doesn’t need me. I need her. I’m not worth it but she still still is my best friend. But I need a break from all my friends. And have a moment alone, too realize I’m manipulative. And rude. And I’m very relieved that I’ve learned my actions are horrible. I’ve been bullied, laughed at. Etc, I’m realizing that I’m becoming my bully’s. I’ve been through mental and physical bullying. But that does not give me the right too be them. I hope other manipulative people, learn to be kind.
this is so sad that I relate to these points to some extent. Let's just remember that understanding you are a bad person doesn't make you a better person so just work on yourself.
Thank you for putting a friendly disclaimer in the intro. After watching your video about the signs of being a bad friend really made me feel sad because how i treated my friends back then was not good i realized all my mistakes and i’m being a better friend now. I felt guilty after that even if i already said sorry to them.. the disclaimer makes me feel like i’m not a bad person anymore. Thank you Psych2Go for including that.
I have a friend who does the “push pull” thing and it has actually impacted me in a negative way, and I don’t even know if she realises … couldn’t have explained it better myself. Great video as always! :)
i’m dealing with the same situation. my approach is to confront her about it but don’t be too forward or express emotions that may hurt her. say it in a way that she understands without being rude :) hopefully it works
Wanna know a funny thing? I clicked on these videos because a part of me thinks that I could be manipulative. But watching the video made me realize that my former best friend did all of these things to me from the very beginning of our friendship until the very end. I was the one who ended things because I had enough of that and I've spent the past 4 years blaming myself for it (she makes me the villain too). Somehow this video made me realize I might not be as bad as she made me feel and brought me some comfort. I'm feeling a little better. Thank you.
I've been unintentionally manipulative before, I've got a father who is manipulative, though admittedly not in a bad way, usually. He acknowledges he manipulates others, and usually it is for the other's benefit, and as a result he is actually really personable. That being said, me and my siblings grew up picking up on the manipulations, to the point where we occasionally use it incorrectly, but also we recognize when each other are using manipulation poorly and are able to speak up to each other basically saying "stop, you are crossing a line there", and point out exactly what each other are doing. Because we know what to look for, when we see it done poorly it kinda feels like I just got bludgeoned with a club verbally, and I'm left going "dude, you've got no subtlety". I guess I'm trying to say I recognize what you are talking about, have dealt with these myself and having grown up to be better than the self serving social manipulations, usually. Rather often times friends come to me with their problems and I help guide them down a path towards fixing their problems and give them the praise and credit when they are better. It makes me so happy seeing them improve themselves and grow beyond the problems they were having. Occasionally I do stop and wonder if I'm accidentally pushing people to be more of the sorts of people I like, but I'm pretty sure I'm not, though I'm not ruling out the possibility yet.
I think the “pull back” needs more explanation. I tend to pull back when someone hurts me or makes me uncomfortable, I don’t treat them bad, but I do avoid them and put a distance until I feel comfortable enough to go back to how I usually am.
I agreed with most of these except the pulling back in conflict and the seeking therapy part. I’m not gonna get into why I hate therapy so much since I know it’s different for everyone, but if I get into an argument with someone or a skirmish, I don’t want to be around them for a while. This isn’t toxic or manipulative. It’s just distancing yourself for the better, so that neither of you say something you don’t necessarily mean. It helps them cool off. If i tried to resolve a conflict with someone as soon as it happened, it would not end well. Distancing in situations like that are healthy, so I really don’t see where that’s toxic :/ As for the therapy one, not everyone can express what they really want. This is okay too. It’s the ones using it to gain something from someone that are toxic, not the ones that just struggle to express themselves (like me). Not everyone needs to go to therapy for it, nor does everyone want to. Sometimes it isn’t even just their upbringing or anything else, it’s just how they are. That’s perfectly okay. Just don’t use it to be manipulative and you’re fine.
the pulling back bit doesn't mean simply distancing yourself after an argument, it's taking back things/affection/your presence for the purpose of punishing the other person you perceive to have done you wrong somehow !
@@peepeecummings If that’s the case great, however i remember the video saying pulling back as in “emotionally distancing yourself to guilt trip others”. The guilt tripping part is obviously manipulative but emotionally distancing because of a skirmish isnt
@@peepeecummings I'm sorry, do you typically be affectionate and interact with people you're angry with? Because most people don't. If that's manipulative then the majority of the population must be manipulative.
That’s a really easy way to stay mad at someone though, it is okay to need a break and not talk to them in the heat of the moment; but if you never forgive them, you’ll usually stay mad at them (At least from my experience)
I have told people that if they do care about me they will respect my boundaries. I don’t consider that manipulative. It’s just the bare minimum to create rules and regulations to help make our friendship strong and healthy. I do the same for my friends too.
Sad to think that I was like this a lot.. I don’t know if I still act like this but this video was very helpful on pointing out things I didn’t knew were pretty bad for others :)
A lot of these can be done without being manipulative. Example: Saying that if someone cares, you shouldn't have to beg them to talk to you. It can be perceived as manipulative, or it can be perceived as signs that a relationship is coming to an end with signs of hidden problems start to arise. A lot of actions can be done with 0 to little gain. Manipulation is for your own interest, high gain. Clarification is done to set boundaries.
Watching this made me realize that alot of my former friends were manipulative. It makes me happy to know that it's not easy to manipulate me, but at the same time it's kind of unsettling once you realize.
Thankful I realized most of these things early in life. Growing up with parents who did these things, it is hard to not be guilty of a few. But recognizing the behaviors, changing them, and not shaming yourself for them is all you can do :)
After months of sessions with my therapist and watching this video, it does give me insight on some of the things that I do. Which at the moment, I saw nothing wrong with. My experience might not be the exact same as anyone else’s, but I hope that it can still help or provide insight. Manipulative and narcissistic. My narcissism tied in heavily with my manipulative tendencies, and have caused me to relate with a number of the points in this video. Things tend to stem from the “know your own self worth” point, but that doesn’t mean know that you are some sort of better person. It’s important to feel empowered, but you’re not better than anyone, and it’s taken me YEARS to realize that alone. Because of that superiority complex I always had, I liked being in control, being the person who knew it all, even though I did know it all. But the fact that I knew it all wasn’t the problem, it was how I went about it. I made it the world’s problem; they HAD to know how great I was for it. And what let it spiral so out of control as my therapist chimed in was that I was encouraged at a young age. I was this honor roll, genius student, ever expanding my mind was more knowledge beast of a child. But instead of keeping me grounded, people tend to let my ego get way out of hand. I frequented groups with others like me. Individuals who were intelligent enough, funny, and I generally saw embarrassing things as negative things. If you were embarrassing, I left you behind. If you were useful, you were praised. And that encouraged all the way through high school and beyond. But now, I know that’s not okay. I can’t say it doesn’t happen still, that I don’t think I know everything, because I think I do most of the time. However, I stop myself. If somebody asks, I’ll tell them, but before, I used to get so mad if someone went to another person regarding matters. If you’ve been manipulative, intentional or not, you can change. Albeit, it’s a slow process if yours is intentional. That’s embedded within you, and it was probably built over the span of years. Even then, if it’s accidental too. Not as long, but you could find yourself getting extremely jealous for example, and you don’t mean for it. So, if you want to, you can change.
I watched this thinking I would be all of them only to find that I used to, but healed. And I'm figuring out that someone who hurt me did these things and won. Life isn't always fair, but thank you for helping us be self aware.
Yeah, I do number 2. During middle and high school, group projects would be randomly assigned (as in I often couldn't pick my partners), and a lot of the time most of them wouldn't do any of the work and I had to do the whole project myself. Since then, I always want people to follow me and trust my actions because of how many times I've had to carry people. I'm extremely introverted and insecure, and I recently got into a relationship where I am not at all in control, and it's been a struggle for me. Control meant I was safe, control meant I'd still get A+'s, control felt amazing because I could put the effort in to succeed and I would without fail every single time. I never knew that I manipulated people, and I don't want to. It's nice to be loved and held, but sometimes I miss being single purely because I felt safer. I'm going to give up some of my control because I believe that love is worth it.
I have a really bad habit of not openly communicating because I was in a very bad household. Recently however, I’ve been trying to put myself in a headspace of ‘it’s okay to communicate, it’s how things can be done to fix what’s wrong’. Trying to find a balance of when to share, and when to stop sharing, is a struggle that seems consistent, but I’m learning slowly and surely. I hope to reach a point where I can assess my situation and react accordingly in a positive way.
*6 Signs You Are Manipulative Without Realizing It* 0:24 1)You’re kind of a know-it-all. 1:12 2)You shower someone with affection then pull it back if they do something wrong. 1:44 3)You’re very adamant about getting what you want. 2:28 4)Jealousy makes you do problematic things. 3:10 5)You never say what you what outright. 3:45 6)You use relationships as bait. Uh my comment got deleted
my trauma caused 3 of those traits. I never realized it until i lost someone because of it. I understand why that person wouldnt want me in their life anymore. For a couple weeks i was asking myself "Why did he leave?" I asked him and he said i was toxic. It took me about a week to realize that i was after he pointed it out. I still feel awful about it and i wouldnt have done it if i was aware of what i was doing and its impact. I ended up getting help for my trauma. It took a lot of work and a lot of time in a safe environment but im doing better than i have ever been. I still make mistakes but now im aware of them and i can take a step back before i let myself get too far. Moral of the story is that it is not too late to change and that you are not a bad person. I know you can do it. It will get better if you keep trying i promise. I believe in you - Supportive internet stranger
I've questioned myself alot. I'm finding out that I'm slightly manipulative without consciously knowing. I've told my friends I want a break and basically made myself the quiet kid in my class. I think it's because of my anxiety, making me all too nervous too do anything right for anyone. I'm glad I know what I'm doing wrong so I can help myself.
I really appreciate you making a video that is made to self reflect your own behavior! There is so much content about how to spot bad traits in others, how to see if someone’s a narcissist etc etc. Usually we all have dark sides, some more some less, but no one is perfect. It’s not helpful to always look at what others do wrong/ how others do or did you wrong. It’s important to acknowledge that and stand up for yourself of course. But sometimes I find myself being the toxic person in a relationship. And it’s nice for people to be able to set boundaries and walk away from people who treat them badly. But it’s also important for the people who do that to get a chance to work on themselves and sometimes you don’t know where to start because, like you said, these behaviors can be unconscious. Thanks for the video, it really helped me reflect my own behavior!
I used to relate to all of these. I was a terrible partner, friend or person to be around. i always had to feel in controk or I would take it out on others in roundabout ways, like avoiding them or purposely making them feel jealous or uncomfortable. When I saw this video, i realized that I was a terrible person, I teased others for fun, needed constant validation and often dropped people at the first sign of leaving me. I have since turned my life around and am in a stable relationship with all my friends and family members. Thank you so much, you made me a better person.
I had a friend who would do the push and pull for years over the smallest things. From me getting a question right and them not in class, to me not understanding their needs well enough, it was overwhelming. I’ve cut them off since then but I’ve realized I catch myself thinking I did something wrong whenever someone ignores me. It’s nice to see other people willing to improve, and I will admit I have a few faults in this video that I’m able to improve from. :]
I like how this video was put together and the comments (at least the ones I’ve seen) are actually really mature, people simply realizing they’ve made mistakes and genuinely wanting to be better. Which is really cool to see! Thanks for making this!💜
A note about #2, in case anyone was confused. Taking time for your self to calm down when a friend or partner does something that upsets you is not the same as withholding affection. It only becomes manipulative if you insist in continuing to stay distant even after you've calmed down and will only interact with them if they come to you first. Often after 5 or 10 minutes, I'm good and can resume having positive interactions. I'll even be the first to apologize. But only for reacting poorly, not for feeling the way I did. I guess #4 is where being an introvert comes in handy. I'd much rather spend time one-on-one or in a small group in a familiar location, than go out to a loud, crowded, public space with a bunch of people, so no jealousy when I see a friend group out doing something. All in all, I don't recognize any of these behaviors in myself, so that's good.
@@ct6852 fr, i just don't want to spend time with a manipulative friend, and i felt a little bad about it because i thought it was a sign of manipulation
Honestly the number 2 hits way too much for me. Not because i do it all the time, but because when I do get upset at someone, I either pretend that everything is fine or I distance myself away and just avoid talking overall. It's currently happening with me and my best friend now for liking a guy that I thought we shouldnt even think about liking. It's petty to be upset about that I know, but I know I'm toxic at times and I retract myself from doing anything stupid to her. But I am also feeling something about this and I hate the fact that I do, and distance myself from her. But in all honesty, I'm happy for her, I really just need the time to adjust to things for her again. We talked about it and she just knew I needed to stay away for now. Since we live far away, we don't technically always see each other all the time (not even the guy she likes), and I know she's sensitive to stuff like this but I know she has her new friends to comfort her with what's happening on my behalf. I trust that they don't do the things that I do.
I recently came to terms that I have beenin a manipulative relationship for multiple years growing up, and a was worrying if that that behaviour has effected me and made me like them. This video helped me out a lot them you!
I have recently discovered that I’m most likely a dark empath. I am arranging therapy and I am going to try my best to use my talents to help instead of harm. This really helped me self reflect be more self aware. Thank you for the videos.
This is actually something that has been worrying me for a while. I'm afraid to admit I'm guilty of at least 5 of the things mentioned if not all, and I'm also really worried about why my friends are still my friends at this point or if they're just not being honest with me. This video has been really helpful though
I was a know-it-all in my teens, but after reaching adulthood, I started using a different tactic. Instead of blatantly correcting the person who said something and thus embarrassing them, I started acknowledging and praising their statement, then pretending to show a different, equally interesting perspective.
@@perryh.5306 I don't think they should be manipulative to their parents. Trust me I speak from experience that it is not good. Well I wasn't actually manipulative but I was always accused of being so when I would express my feelings.
@@perryh.5306 yeaaaa no. both sides shouldnt be manipulative or tolerate sum typa toxic behavior, thats a healthy relationship and i am longing for it 😔
I used to be like this. I have changed, and I now feel horrible for how I treated those around me. I can’t repair the damage I’ve done because they avoid me. I understand it completely and I don’t blame them.
When I was young, everything just appeared as "transactional" to me. I prefer to be the type that listens mainly because I know people divulge their secrets to me, sometimes willingly, without any care or caution to what I do with this information. I have only ever gone "on the offense" in this matter a couple times which makes me feel like I have a good handle on these impulses. When I was young, I was specifically targeted by many different groups for either being the "smart kid," "nerd," or "weird kid." I learned how to lie exceptionally fast for my own safety, and to prevent my parents from digging their claws into my mental state after my "peers" were done with my physical state.
I honestly love this video. I recently went thru a breakup and it ended horribly. A lot of the topics here were stuff that my ex did but I realized that were some topics on here that I did un-knowingly! I honestly appreciate that she doesn’t make me feel bad but instead make me realize my actions and wanna grow and be better as a person!!
Push pull isn't taking space to process what someone did wrong to you. It's intentionally pulling away without explanation, stonewalling, withdrawing affection. If you don't care about the anxiety this gives your partner or friend and latch onto the power, watch out. Sooner or later those you spurned will turn around and do the same to you! It's extremely unhealthy. You should talk to your therapist about being vocal with your boundaries, and how to approach someone who has broken them. Don't punish someone for breaking an unwritten rule, and don't hold things over their heads, especially if they didn't genuinely mean to hurt you
How would I get better at not doing this, and or other ways to let someone know that you didn’t like what they said or something along the lines of that
What if I get mad over a small thing and decide to just ignore what I felt because I feel like I would be making an issue about a small thing but then end up not being able to forget about it/holding a grudge due to said thing hurting me
@@Salsa4268 ayeee Guess we're buddies now bro💀 You didn't ask but: The best solution I could think of rn would probably just to directly tell them tbh (Easier said than done lmfaoo) But using the like I-language (how you feel/how it affected you and why) and by not pointing fingers Then discuss ways to address the problem or you just moved on without actually fixing anything If they respond with hostility despite you trying your best to communicate your needs then they probably aren't the suitable person to be opening up to. Even if you might be overreacting/overthinking, if the person cared about you, they would probably do their best to reassure you instead of just saying you are overreacting and moving on. Try your best not to hold grudges if you never actually told them about what bothered you I still have issues knowing when I should be addressing something and when I should be letting it go tho But when letting it go, if it really hurted/made me highly uncomfortable, I just end up holding it over their head lmao so it's probably best to just say it to avoid misunderstandings or something
@@hung9232 Only problem is it’s my new step dad who I don’t really know but my mom loves him but we disagree hard core on a lot of things and he’s like super duper traditional and masculine but how tf am I supposed to say I don’t like how you talk to my mother in front of me when he literally hunts like bears 💀💀💀
