6 things you can count on a narcissist to say 

They love transactional apologies - "hey, I actually apologized this time so you owe me!" They might even brag about love in words, not so much in actions.

@@Astral_DuskOR, “i’ll apologize if you do this” you’re asking an award for taking accountability that you did something wrong😭

Narcs, you mean drug agents?

They never apologise 😂

@@katie195 ooo

Same

Me too. Dr Ramani actually saved my life. Free from someone who tried to kill me multiple times *& blame me* after 7yrs. ....he's now in jail for a long time for the abuse & is never come back into my life.

Same!

Facts

100%

Oohhh, you sure said it! They are "marvels" in a crowd. I always think of Billy Joel's song line "you had to be the big shot didn't ya?"

So very true- and I think narcissists are very selective with whom they choose to be their victim.

True! While trashing you to look good if needed!

I went to a winery with my ex GF and her mother. They invited a female friend. I was the sober driver, but my ex and her mother kept pushing the other woman to have more wine even when it was clear she had enough. I thought it was disrespectful especially when the woman repeatedly saying she was very tipsy and tried to decline.

Not always. Non narcissists can legitimately be sorry something makes a person unhappy while maintaining their ethical correctness in doing it. Doctors may have to to hurt you to administer treatment. A teacher may give an award to some kid and another thinks the decision is biased, and the teacher is indeed sorry the kid thinks they’re in an unfair situation, because that’s an unpleasant situation to be in, and the teacher has empathy for them.

@@M_SC I second that. Not everything has to be malignant. Let`s say I have to work long hours for a few weeks and can`t see my family and they are bummed out about that. Why can`t I be sorry for having to stay away and sorry that they feel bummed out at the same time? (This is just an example)

@Geneva Lawrence - I agree with you, when it comes to narcs.

My mother said this shit to me.

Yes! Or "i'm sorry I have to HEAR about your feelings"

Facts

I think of them more as psychological terrorists 😢

It should be a crime in a healthy society for these people to walk freely

I have a 56 yr old daughter like this. I finally had to permanently walk away from her.

They also take financially

Well done leaving. Best wishes.

❤. My story same. Beginning was good, love. Care support, I'm everything for him so and so after marriage, it's about him his mom and sister his business. His friends so and so. Before I was working after pregnancy stop working, full time mum + all the households chores run by me. I worked as a florist for him. He look after all finances and rents , bills, if I asked for some money to send to my mum he'll say girls don't need to look after parents I started my own business from home, ever since any argument comes stop that business, you can't run it from my house I pay rent, 2 tines I caught him cheating me with his colleague, I had a big argument I even ended up hitting him hurting my self. I gave whole my life to him my career, my choices, the way I dress , my freedom, my friends there he's going with another woman. He started to to complain about little little thing, disrespect front of his family, front of others in public places, always you are a bad mum, bad cook, bad cleaner, bad person. Always calling me stupid lady, village lady, illiterate lady, always laughing at my choices, laughing at my body after pregnancy, can't puck the dress, heel you want , can't wear a make up or lipstick always make fin of my appearance, and dressing sense. Tell my son, don't listen to your mum she's stupid. Always threatening to throw out of the house cancelling my partner visa, past 6 months I started to fight back back with him I started cry and scream, hit my head on the wall as I'm not happy with hiw he's treating me, controlling me, hiw his mother and sister treating me. He just ignore me sing funny song make a coffee sit on the sofa start watching TV or phone and laugh. Sometimes when i fight and scream for my peace my need hell tell the son that's how your stupid mum talk all of a sudden I feel like I'm the bad person here, bad mum here cos front of my son he's a very calming person. Wooow I feel like I m the problem. I'm totally a different person than who I used to be. I get angry easily. I'm not happy fun person anymore. I used to sing and dance a lot, go out with friends, look after my parents, very peaceful and respect everyone, i was a very religious person before. Now, sometimes i don't feel like praying, I have lost my true self, i just left him 3 days ago o took my son , few belongings and left, block all the contacts of him and his family, I'm in a refugee. I don't know how im gonna settle my visa states and finances , sons education, these are the issues I'm facing right now but, I felt free from the moment I took the cab to leave that person and the area. I leave everything upon my jusus the Lord I always seek help and I always trust and believe

Yay for you, doing something that you enjoy is important and being able to make the decision without being criticized, having to defend yourself as to why, or any of the over things that people struggle with are small ways of us taking our power back

Soooo happy for you!! I also broke free from a narcissist and feel so peaceful and filled with joy ✨✨✨

I'm 15 yrs in, we have a kid in school. I have no idea what to do.

Metoo😮 4:16

Seriously!

You sound like a lot of fun.

Me too!

Same

Thank you fr this list HO. ✌🍀🌼👍👌

Thanks for this list!

Thank you for making the list of 🚩

Thank you, I looked for this. 😘

Awesome. Thanks

Neighbor. Getsaway with crimes, viciousness,

Some people in society are enablers and tell the victims/survivors to put up with the narcissist''s b.s.

It will always catch up to them later down just watch.

They never truly pay for their bad behaviors. Most of it they blame on someone else. It's insane.

Definitely red flags. Actually, when I hear these, I run. These are like “you don’t know who you’re messing with”. Run.

"You always ruin everything"......" You can count on me"...." he is just my friend "....." I kissed another woman but I'm NOT bisexual "...." why are you sabotaging a good thing "?

"You're too sensitive." "Your sisters don't think that." "You need to tell me (not want me to ask you anything about you)"

All I asked was a apology she literally couldn't do it refused over n over Changing the subject constantly

My mother spent 50 years with a narcissistic person. She was a godly woman and the mental and emotional abuse she suffered is absolutely horrific. She stayed because she didn't want myself and my children to suffer the trauma and humiliation caused by divorce. It is the saddest and hardest thing I have had to heal from. It has taken 10 years of research and healing for me to understand the dynamics of narcissistic relationships. Please, take care of yourself. You are a strong beautiful warrior and I wish you the best and sending you lots of love ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

@Debra Sullivan While it's difficult to leave, it's not impossible. I've walked away from a couple of 'poorly chosen' mates, and while very difficult, not impossible, thus I find no empathy. Every sanctuary has its price, yet independence offers tranquility uninterrupted by selfish interests.

@@debrasullivan7479 Yes I stayed because of my 3 children. I know I can’t expect a very deep or connected relationship which I was missing for years but because of Dr Ramani I know where I stand.

“I’m sorry if you think I was being critical and yelling at you” is not only not an apology (which the narcissist is trying to act like it is an apology), it is also gaslighting.

@Blue Heron Sebago I certainly don't understand any of those critical concerns. That's how I've completed my education, a career in the military, and a career in medicine. Some day when I've your🫨'home spun lurnin'😒, then I'll have an entire gestalt on understanding the nuances of human sociology. Nit🤨wit.

The same old back in my day stories 🤦🏾‍♂️ Narcissist can’t resist re-telling the same stories over and over again. It’s so annoying 🤮

They’re all this way. When you talk about something good that happened to you you’re siphoning air from their balloon.

My husband is like that and it’s so damn draining. Whenever he saw me trying to work out, he would make me stop so I can count how many reps he can do of the same exercise and then blather about ‘sports’ he did as a kid 🙄 whenever I want to go for a walk to exercise and relieve my stress, he insists on coming me with and bringing the kids with us (even tho point is to walk and RELIEVE STRESS) and proceeds to leave our young kids at the playground while he ‘walks’ next to me talking to everyone on his phone list and giving me second hand smoke. I stopped walking and stopped doing anything for myself just so he would leave me alone. I wish he’d leave. I hate his guts.

Your dad is my mother. It never ends.

@@hadilayyad6147you should really try to leave if you hate his guts girl. 😢 you’re already at your wits end. I’m so sorry 😞 but it’s always easier said than done- I understand 🫶🏻

Same story here, Always Reply back with Yea But.......... I now call them "YeaButts" it fits Soo appropriately

😂so true

My ex " I didnt know ".....

I believe so

She has helped me beyond words. Glad a friend recommended her to me about a year ago. Even though I had already become very educated already, she’s helped me the most.

Agreed!

Making this info free, easily accessible and understandable is no doubt life saving in many ways.

She's so bright AND wise (not always a combo) AND a good person (even more rare) AND plain spoken (a great talent).

Is it the - I owe you an apology BUT, you did over react you know...anyway...I apologize that you took it so serious that you felt hurt and all.. BUT...

If I hear a phrase like this I reply with "Go ahead!"

I would fall over if my narc ever said the words” I owe you an apology”. It’s usually like this: You should be ashamed of yourself! You owe me an apology”

Younger narc relative said “how can I get better “ only for him to victimize himself after receiving the feedback! What a walking contradiction. Some ppl aren’t REALLY sorry. They just say that to make you change your behavior towards them. In reality they don’t want to make any sacrifices

😂. Hope you can end the relationship and replace it with only many healthy ones ❤.

@Emilio Yepez its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.

​@@peterwilliams6361advertising, eh

Thanks bots.

That’s disgusting, you need to leave

Thank you for this. I love the ‘it’s unfortunate you feel this way’ as an option to use for narcs. I got tired of over apologizing to an ex narc friend who constantly criticized bullied and blamed me for everything. Nothing I ever did was right or good enough for her. So I used the ‘Im sorry you feel this way’ to try to disengage from it without taking responsibility for something I didn’t do. I also thought Dr Ramani suggested saying that at some point to disengage with narcs who are always accusing you of things you didn’t do. But yes I love that suggestion of yours, so thank you 😊

When my narc mother recently wrote a letter saying she got a hip surgery (implicating she's desperate for help but never saying it loud) I would use the word "regrettable" but declined anything else. She has to eat from her own fruit now (Proverbs 1) and reap what she sowed.

Hmmmm... I like this response. I'm probably going to start using it. Thank you for sharing!

I’m not sorry but agree 100% with you :)

Yes exactly! Thank you for sharing

From my father with severe NPD I especially was subjected to 1,3,4

I can testify to the dangerously painful blood pressure spike to point of hyperventilation and anxiety attack as well as lack of sleep caused by one short conversation engagement literally ruining my physical health for the rest of day and the next. And made beyond irritable it was like catching a flu from someone except is was energetic poison . Actually felt ill . Important note this person was a stranger not even someone I know. But I do have experience and past with Navasota so I immediately recognized the manifestation

Now, i can say I was dealing with a narcissist person and none of it was my fault. Lol😂

I experienced those same health issues. I fault on high alert. She told me I didn't know how to handle my life and she goes with the flow. I told her I never had these health problems until I met her. We broke up, and long and behold...my physical health increased but my broken heart is still healing from the mess.

​@@phoenixsky-ye7yxI can relate to your experience. One bad conversation and I was emotionally ill all day. My brain would shut down at work and I wouldn't fuction properly and forget alot things. I felt emotionally compromised. It was like being SICK without being sick. I knew the only way to survive was to walk away and save myself. I'm healing better but I miss the connection with her. 1 week after the break up she was dating someone new. My heart shattered from the lack of respect because she says I mistreated her, and expects her wants and needs to be fulfilled with someone new.😢

Yes! My husband said she's a "feminist" 😅

Thank you!

Thank you for your videos. I’ve learnt over the years that often I’ve just been in the path or the orbit of these people and that is why I’ve become their target. Various forms of abuse, harassment, attempted assault, threats to me or my property, grandiose comments about my wish to die a terrible death or come to various forms of harm are examples. 10:40 I just ignore it if there is no clear remedy for me. Eventually these people come undone and I know that can take years. Karma will also get them eventually. No one is immune to these people I don’t think. It can either make us stronger or beat us down into a spiral of depression. I’ve experienced both to a certain degree. I have learnt that the stronger one’s resolve the more able to deal with these types. Ignoring them is one skill I’ve learnt from these videos online and practice it where possible. It can frustrate them and send them into their own self-induced spiral.

You know it's time to exit, right?

Run

I say don't run YET.

Yes run before it is too late

So I guess it's time to quit dating?

Mine is too. She inspired me to never get married. 😊

I learned early on that I had to protect myself from my mother… Years before I could ever verbalize that idea!!

A Narcistic person is Demon Possesed...My own brother was also a Narcist but when i prayed to Jesus to set him Free and i kept on Praying Persistently for days and Even Weeks he eventually got Set Free! Whoever the Son of God has Set free is Free and Free INDEED! 😄Believe in the Words of Jesus People every thing is possible with him that is Obedient to the words of Jesus Christ and pray's according to His will🙏💟Also sin will take us to Hell...

My total sympathy. And I thought my mother was the narcissist to end all narcissists. It's only now at 67 that I've realised how entirely her narcissism meant that I never lived my hopes nor fulfilled my potential. But I tell myself that the only way is onward. Still can't forgive or forget though 😢

I so hear you!!! My eyes opened at 65...what a bombshell revelation. Like my life had been hijacked.

Beware of information gatherers…until you know they aren’t or are not in collusion with a narcissist.

Love the flying monkeys bit (wizard of OZ)

My ex would always say he loved my reactions whenever he crossed boundaries... shit 😢

@@user-tq7uv9rs1e When they are more interested in your reaction than how they hurt you, that is manipulation and classic narcissism.

My brothers line is he is an asshole. But the sweetest guy you will ever meet. I have yet to meet the sweet guy.

Glad you saw it.

Horrible gaslighting

@@M_SC absolutely, but it’s their way 👍

You actually got the opportunity to be the better person and come out cleaner because you apologized for anything that could have been held against you (even if you were in the right) and trained yourself to apologize, which is a very important skill with health relationships, which I hope you are now in and benefitting from. Good for you.

@@gilashroot8697 thank you for being supportive, I’m not sure that the situation at the time really required one. These types of people will do anything for supply it’s unbelievable 😖

I hope you are not with him anymore 😢

@@jubileej1629 no, I left in early December of last year.

They are demonic in meat 🥩 suits Just heal yourself We all have wasted decades with these Parasites 🦠

@Sim thank you so much! I love this community of loving support.

@Sim I really believe that he and his lover may have been planning to do away with me. His rage may have been caused by other strong emotions underneath the rage. God got me out safely!

I heard everyone of those

I have heard about these from them, they are very manipulative

" I am an adult "..."this is ridiculous"...." I would never do XYZ "...." I would never cheat on you with him, he is gross".

A woman admits to me that she did not want her son divorced because she would then have to deal with him. I believe this is pretty common, I hope not.

Recently my mother in law texted me saying, I'm probably the last person you want to talk too but I'm hear for you if you need to talk" I text back Thank you but why was she saying that? Her reply was that she spoke to her son ( my husband) and he didn't know where I was and that I was mad at him. He knew exactly where I was, I was at work! I told his mom that I was mad at the fact that I was at work and he decided to get drunk when he was supposed to watch the kids 10,13,14. And I didn't think it was right for him to be drinking when he was suppose to be the responsible adult at home and that I was tired of it. Her reply was well, looks like you made your decision since you're tired of his drinking and she was sad it's come down to this and that my family was hurting because I was working more hours. Her son idoes not have a job...WTF!!! Really??? I need to pay bills and care go my kids and she saw nothing wrong with him getting drunk while I was working a 2nd job. So, I'm the problem WTF???

I have one of those mil. Tell her ef off

Enablers 😢

I ultimately am “master manipulator” (for standing my ground) and I got kicked out of that cult - and frankly- proud of it!

That is a great way of putting it. You do have to WEAPONIZE yourself against them. It is like psychological self-defense.

​@@goldilocks3593 it's hell 😭 when it's Ur own parents n family

Thank you for all info!!

Sorry you had to deal with a narcissist .

Yup I re,remember she asked to be f,buddies and I said he'll no then she said I was kidding 😮

Shouldn’t only cooking and sleeping be done daily? I think something is wrong if someone needs to clean and do laundry every day of the week.

@@Dj.D25 He lied. He doesn't do those things on a daily basis. He was trying to make me feel guilty for asking him for something he didn't want to give.

Hopefully they're an EX boyfriend now.

Hope you are gone!🐾😎

I hope you’re gone too.. I understand not all narcs cheat but the majority do.. and it sounds like he was making the time he didn’t want to give you.. for someone else!

It stems for their love of power

Wow. You got that far with them?? The conversation usually gets deflected into sexual comments within the first 60 seconds to avoid any accountability. The seriousness of talking about issues makes her uncomfortable.

amazing,i am kinda in a similar situation,how did you handle it?

@@DarylSimpson58 well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer

@@Kurt5Dobson please how can i get in touch with the spiritual adviser?

@@DarylSimpson58 her name is *Victoria Lee Hess* ,and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster

you can look her name up online and you will find all you need.

❤

That sounds like a narcissist who has been to therapy and mined the experience for useful phrases. (Also sounds exactly like my ex...)

They say IF I DID THAT, never admit they do anything wrong.

Are you sure this isn’t just someone trying to break up with you? 😬

When they say this 🏃

@@genevalawrence801 Yes💙

Unfortunately it's become an epidemic

I never realized until recently looking back, why all the douchebag managers and annoying coworkers I had over the years were like that. Only now do I realize many were likely narcs.

Narcissists are NPCs

😂😂😂!!!

Wow!

Self-centeredness to the highest degree. And remember there is healthy self-centered behavior, healthy pride, healthy assertiveness, a healthy personal agenda. We all do these things as we are the focal point of our own life, obviously. But the narcissist takes this to a whole new level and makes nearly every aspect of it as toxic to others as possible.

@@preparedsurvivalist2245 What was so astounding was how angry he was. It was like ,”How dare you.” I was invited into his company for the sole purpose of listening to him and, hopefully, with his every utterance, going, “Wow.”

😂

What happened to her 😢

@@mammadingo9165 she became burnt out from being overworked and taken advantage by some family members. She had two fine examples of narcissism in her life with our mother and sister, so took up the game.

She must be bitter about something. Maybe her life didn't go as planned and getting older. Who knows?

But she does understand. And wants you to frustrate yourself trying to explain to people who are in on it with her

Had a mean & miserable relative 'uncle' who verbally & emotionally abused me ( & his enabling family) and when around 24 yrs I asked him to leave our home after he had raged at me in front of my tired working mom one evening, he started a smear-campaign!! But I never ever met him again. He tried to interfere in my life behind my back in many ways, but I simply ignored him & his enablers/flying monkeys.

They know what they did. Teach them to stay away or else.

Oh I have a narc auntie. If you met her at first you would think she was as sweet as pie. She is the devil. I am full no contact 10 yrs now. Life is good.

Sometimes ?? True Narcissists are extremely Dangerous. I had a parent and sibling. A parent who never loved me. I needed my mom. I thought it was me. In my 50’s I knew the truth. It was beyond excruciating. You never heal from the horror. A sibling who should be stopped for their criminal acts of cruelty against you. I am so fearful of this sibling. I have no one to protect me from him. People don’t understand the Narcissists enjoy inflicting physical pain and psychological torture. Not everyone can protect themselves. And especially when one has disabilities. Society tends to look the other way when we are adults and terribly afraid. I cannot tell my situation on this board due to the sensitive horror. No one would believe the terror, feeling helpless, so much sadness. We are grown ups. We’re supposed to be able to handle these serious issues. Many Narcissists are relentless. They will not let you go until they have destroyed you ! It’s a horror movie. I have had 3 individuals in my life who were Narcissists. I no longer exist. They have ruined me in every sense of the word. It has plagued my soul with such fear.

@@CBELLA952 please talk to a professional or even your priest who has training. It is never too late. God bless you dear. I had parents that were not perfect but they loved me so much and I went to a Roman Catholic school and became close to God. That helps. I blamed myself for years. I thought I was lacking. My cousin made me believe that. I loved her. I had no brothers or sisters. I was the youngest in the family and she should of watched out for me. She told me I was not wanted by my birth parents. Long story. But six years ago I found my birth sister, brother, cousin and uncle. They are wonderful. She is jealous. She barely talks to any of the family anymore. She is living in another state.

Unfortunately, I do. I literally look over my shoulder. Afraid to sleep alone in my home. I haven’t slept yet. It is 11: 02 AM.

@@CBELLA952 I understand. I am very sorry to hear that. I hope you have some very good supportive people in your life that may be you can stay at their place this weekend or the next few days so you can get a bit of rest. I also hope you have taken multiple safety measures as allowing the authorities to know. I know also how night terrors are also a symptom, so please be gentle and compassionate to yourself.

That is so painful, both horrific parts … similar experience with my mother who caused just as much pain as the other part of my youth

The most damaging narcs are parents 😢

Sounds like BS TBH and any issues are probably yours

Evil soul = narcissism

flying monkey

😮 seem like they're always in competition, even with their own children.

@@sharonjumba4648 ESPECIALLY their own children.

@DOCTOR_RAMANI Hi Dr Ramani - I didn’t even know there was a telegram feature on RU-vid, so I hope I’m doing this correctly. I’m happy to provide more direct communications info - like am email - if that’s helpful. Thank you for reading my post and replying! Mollie

I was a manager of that kind of employee. But HR and my boss didn't care of it. Finally other team members and I left the company.

As a person who is expected to work everyday with a narc colleague: Fire the narc. They aren't only hurting your business, he is making all your other employees suffer.

@@antiantipoda I wish it were that easy! Employees have rights and narcs don’t hesitate to sue and make up false allegations!

@@molliecondra2676 Yeah, I see. It must be hard. I just put myself in the place of your other employees very strongly because I am going through the same thing right now at my job. Also I just realized my boss is an enabler of that narc. Sorry I pushed my issues onto you.

Yeah I also found many almost all of the signs of a narcissistic personality disorder...I want to change ..and I m afraid how bad it is to be a narcissist ..I don't wanna ruin others life . I don't know what I should do?

I've noticed this too, I think it is over-compensation. As we get away from the offender we make DOUBLE SURE nobody does it to us again. As time passes I get a more even keel and the traits settle down.

Remember the intention behind it. A codependent healing isn't being narcissistic. A true narc's intentions are selfish, manipulative, coercive, unstable, stagnant, doesn't want growth. A healing codependent's intentions are for growth, change, boundary setting, and betterment of the self and relationships. Overcompensating makes sense bc u are "trying on" different ways of setting boundaries, letting go of toxicity, and gaining ur sense of self back. You may swing in many directions until u find a place that feels centered and like "you" once again 🤗 ♥

Codependency is a form of narcissism so you will have traits!

@@TheTreeOctopus how is it a form of narcissism?

And the one's who have their own small businesses and show no income hardly to keep child support low. But take in a lot of CASH. HVAC guy does that to his x. 😢