This Social Mistake Makes You Look Low Status 

As a writer, I like these. It's a good way to make my readers dislike the villains for the right reasons and to keep the good guys flawed but still likable.

"ukrainians dying and having to leave their country" "I couldn't visit Italy" REALLY

I'm guilty of conversational narcissism. I used to be a lot more introverted and thought it was a way to "keep the conversation going" when I felt awkward and didn't know what to say. I also noticed a lot of people doing it. Never thought about how rude it can be until more recently. Now it's just a bad habit I'd like to break.

1. Vulnerability droping: making fun of someone who just open up and being vulnerable. 2. Conversational narcism: keep making things about yourself. 3. Question cutting: interrupt immediately after asking question. 4. Trampoline boundaries: asking other people when someone else wanted to move on to another topic. 5. Teasing sensitive topic 6. Giving unsolicited advice. 7. Instant aggression: respond with too much hostility too fast too soon.

That private mace joke was absolutely jaw dropping

“5 million people displaced, it’s heartbreaking.” “Yeah and what about my vacation?!” I’m embarrassed for that woman.

Jimmy Fallon is a consistent example of what not to do. He's the epitome of someone who has to be in the spotlight at all times.

God. That first joke about private Mace was.. heartbreaking. I can't believe he actually made a joke like that. I could see the pain in that man's eyes.

Wow just realized i exhibit conversational narcissism. Used to think i was being relatable turns out i was being a douche. Finally understand why my partner keeps bringing that up lol

I think the most common one is the conversational narcissist. It feels like every person does this because they are trying to relate

i do the conversational narcissism and im trying to work on it, most of my life ive been ignored and treated like i dont exist and its caused me to try and bring some focus on me and now its a problem, im working on it and this video helps thank you

My neighbors like this. If you tell her your uncle drowned in a lake, her uncle drowned in two lakes. There’s no winning.

Growing up, I was taught that “unasked for advice is criticism.” That’s proven true so many times (I’m a slow learner 🤦🏻‍♀️) and I try to remember it in my conversations

That "saving private mace" was an epic fail!

The 25 or 29 year old thing just gives me nightmare. I work at a department store and literately get asked "how old do you think I look" like every other day. I usually say my guess minus 10 years, and I have a ridiculous accuracy.

My go-to response to the Instant Aggression response is "Ok. I'm done with this interaction" and then turn and walk away. Instant aggro means one thing: they assume you have bad intent in what you said. HUGE red flag! If they do that with one thing, they're gonna do it with everything.

I would like to state that the yellow and red colored subtitles are super helpful in understanding what exactly was inappropriate and what was not. Please continue doing this in future videos.

That ‘shift response’ thing is something I’m always trying to fight off because when someone says something that happened to them my brain instantly switches to a similar story from my own life. I’ve got to be really conscious of not automatically making the conversation about myself.

Reacting with humor instead of hostility/aggression/anger has helped me A LOT to deal with even mean remarks or what I percieve that way at least, like if someone points out an insecurity. I just make a joke about it, not confirming nor denying anything, just make a joke somehow of it and make others laugh, then I change the topic gradually after over to something else. I used to react with anger when I felt disrespected whether that was someone’s intention or not, or if they brought out any insecurity, I got quite defensive, which in turn made people react like “ohh..” so this just became an alternative to shift the focus I guess. If someone brings up anything embarrassing, I find a way to own it and make a joke about to too, just take it lightly and make fun of myself, helps a lot.

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="18">0:18</a> Jeez, that guy is literally in tears, and the reporter starts making a Saving Private Ryan joke about his dead friend?? 😅🤦‍♀️

- Joking at another's vulnerability - Conversational narcissism: talking about a related event in your life - Cutting someone answering your question - Ignoring boundaries - Teasing sensitive topics - Unsolicited advice - Instant aggression: assuming negative intent too quickly

I really believe in Hanlon's razor. "Do not assume malice for that which can be explained by stupidity/incompetence/ignorance."

No. 6 applies for so many people especially the guys out there listening to their girls. One of the most valuable lessons I learned was how to listen to my partner with feeling like I have to give my own input. This really goes a far way.

The instant aggression section where the narrator says: "You're much better off assuming someone's being positive until they explicitly prove otherwise." is the best LPT. People are not out to get you and at worst they're self involved that's all. Ppl make conversations so complex by doing mental somersaults and it can end up very toxic. I usually don't expect much from videos like this but I think every point was nailed perfectly and very well written. Thanks for the content.

Ugh, I accidentally shift the conversation to myself a lot, because I want to seem relatable and kind of like when others do it and share more about themselves, because I always feel alone and very different. I've heard it can come off as selfish even though it's not the intention, but it's super hard to avoid. I'll have to try to fix it

As someone who is super socially awkward and has severe social anxiety this is super helpful and I’m grateful it exists

Conversational narcissism is a tricky one. It’s not an issue to summarily relate by glossing over a similar experience, but one must quickly turn it back around to the person’s issue in question. It lets them know you can relate without making it about you.

Conversational narcissism, I am definitely guilty of that. Sometimes I'll catch myself doing it and try my best to stop

I’m guilty of the instant aggression and assuming insults where none is meant. Aftermath of a childhood spent being told I was wrong and bad. It’s hard to break out of that mindset after 3 decades of believing it.

That girl being so insulted about being called 29/30 though 😅 At that age, it just means you’re mature. Different if you were 40 called 60. What makes it worse is that SHE asked the question herself. So she should be ready for any response.

I've read a few articles on reddit about men being "vulnerability dropped" by their partners over a difficult personal issue, and it was one of the most frustrating things in their relationship. Also I've noticed problems in myself with question cutting and conversational narcissism. I've had some laughs as well on a first date we were going to get some food and she asked me "Are you a veggie?" and I thought she said "Are you a virgin?"

Conversational narcassism is hard to avoid because I do that in an attempt to relate to what someone is describing

We are all guilty of these sometimes, especially during awkward icebreaking efforts, but I'm glad this brought up conversational narcissism. I have a history of self-esteem issues that has left me always asking myself what I'm doing wrong and how I can improve. This has left me with a bad habit of relating things back to myself impulsively and sometimes abruptly. This in turn scares people away and makes self esteem worse. I am glad that this video has voiced this habit so clearly as it gives me a more precise target to aim for as I improve my sociability.

Something I want to add to this list is one-upping. Some people do it maliciously but I think some others don't do it intentionally but maybe from a place of insecurity or trauma. Like if someone is talking about an experience that was hard for them but inherently it's not that hard and the other person has experienced much worse, it puts them off to hear someone "complaining" about something that isn't that bad in comparison so they share what they experienced and will say things like "Oh you thought that was bad? You know what I had to deal with?" and doing this is not okay because all you are really doing is invalidating the other person's experience just to validate your own. Yes sometimes it's hard to hear someone whine about something that shouldn't have been a difficult experience, it can be very annoying honestly. But your strengths and weaknesses are different from someone else's strengths and weaknesses. It may be helpful to show someone a different perspective but you don't need to put them down in order to do so.

I was autistic as a kid but I kinda got over it I guess, I learned social skills from friends and videos like this. You're really helping people out here man! I'm glad to say I personally already knew all of these :D

saving this for reference to come back to. i am currently working on trying to better myself and i realized i let my narcissism, past trauma, and ego dictate my life, and now im alone and lonely because i never learned or taught myself how to interact with others on a mutual level. thanks so much!

All of this just comes down to respect and actually wanting to hear what others have to say.

That look on Steve-O's face was maybe the most genuinely hurt expression I've ever seen.

Wow! This is communication gold for someone who has consistantly said the wrong thing unintentionally. Fitting-in appears easy for some and for those who struggle with interpersonal relationships, sometimes it is possible to be successful at it. But this video helps to-the-point where it saves lives. Jobs, dating, and interpersonal encounters are areas of life that can change the trajectory of ones self. Thank you so much!

One thing that a therapist has once told me is: when people are unaware of their strengths, others sense it and may want to elevate themselves at the expense of the unaware person. For instance, someone's smart but feels he/she isn't smart enough because of the way their confidence has been undermined; and there will be people who will, for whatever reason, teach this person how to live, advise them, and talk down to him/her. This will obviously cause this person to feel uncomfortable, like, what right does this person have to patronise me? In such cases, I think it is important to set boundaries but not be aggressive about it, just saying "I don't like what you've just said" very calmly, like that dude who said "Next question".

The first one I would think is common sense to never ever do. Especially if someone lost a best friend or anyone.

Truly think this is one of the most valuable videos you guys have made. These are all habits a lot of people don’t usually perceive to be bad in themselves, but can be detrimental

I absolutely struggle with giving unsolicited advice so calling it out has been really helpful!

These are some of the most accurate tips I’ve ever heard. Very helpful! This reminds me of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. Basically, people like you when you seamlessly put the focus on them and their needs. It’s powerful connection.

It's amazing how just being comfortable in your own skin is truly half of the entire "charisma" battle. And it's also the toughest aspect to truly pull off.

I find a great way to avoid narcissistic tendencies is to ask people questions. Like, if someone is talking about a sad time in their past, ask them how they got through it. Or, try to relate a bit but make sure to tell them you have no idea what it feels to be in their situation. That said, if you truly were in a similar or even worse situation, it's fine to open up about that but I would recommend doing some of the previous advice first.

So, as an ND, I have always had the issue of what you call "conversational narcissism." Though, as with most NDs, it isn't done intentionally, but as a way of connecting with the person sharing the story, indicating that we are able to empathize due to having been through something similar. We are commiserating in shared hardships.

Amen the “instant aggression” part. I think of that in terms of what it does to my options. Escalating to aggression is much easier than de-escalating from aggression, so staying non-aggressive keeps my options open. But if I go to aggression now, non-aggression may cease to be an option for the rest of the conversation.

I'm autistic so I'm bad at being a conversational narcissist through my infodumping. However I have learned to tone it down. To not do it all the time. Engage in other topics of conversation, engage the other person on their interests and emotions and experiences. It makes it way less one-sided. I still infodump but in smaller increments. Also having a shared interest helps lessen the annoyance that it is for the other person.

Damn the shift response is tricky. I often do it because I want the other person to feel like they aren't alone in their world, but then doing that can also come across as minimalizing their experience. Alternatively, sometimes I use it to continue a convo that feels like it's lulling.

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="340">5:40</a> daaaaaaamn I already didn’t like Amy but holy hell. How did people even laugh at that….. knowing what Ryan’s death did to all of them mentally

Wow, ive watched plenty of videos from this channel but this is definitely the best one This video HAS to get to those people that have no clue how to talk to a human being. Or like a human being.

I was talking to my friend about what's going on in my life. Immediately after mentioning that I was on the job hunt doing interviews, he goes into a 10 minute story about how his job hunt went. It kinda hurt, like he didn't care too much about what I had to say.

I love that Dakota calls out talk show hosts on their bad behavior.

1. Vulnerability dropping. 2. Conversational narcissism. 3. Question cutting. 4. Trampling boundaries. 5. Teasing sensitive topics. 6. Giving unsolicited advice. 7. Instant aggression.

With more people working from home this video is great. I had my share of uncomfortable mistakes in my 20-30. Nothing as bad as any of these. But I’m so thankful for the mistakes I made. These are hard lessons.

These are so obvious seeing them outside of ourselves, but sometimes it's a little harder when you do them and don't realize it in conversation. Helpful video for sure.

I'm guilty of unsolicited advice the most. Comes from a place of wanting to do good for the person, but definitely puts people on the defense

Conversational narcissism is the one I have run into the most. I don't often open up about when I'm struggling. But when I do only to have the person I am talking to instantly shifts it to themselves to show that they "relate" I feel completly invalidated and regret even opening up in the first place.

I definitely do conversational narcissism. It is completely unintentional, and I try to avoid doing it. I have difficulty relating to others, so I think that might be one reason I do that. I will definitely work on breaking this habit.

I'm bad about the "unsolicited advice" one. I get excited about other people's projects and want to get involved, but I can see how this would be irritating.

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="262">4:22</a> my goodness if that isn’t a conversation killer right there. Unless the person themselves wants or has initiated that conversation that is a good way to make someone dislike you.

I have definitely done some of these and not even noticed. Going to save this video and watch it every so often as a reminder, just because. Thank you!

This was honestly a little eye-opening as a struggling waitress. Sometimes due to the stress I feel like I don’t function like a normal human being and often fumble basic interactions, but I could never pinpoint exactly why or when my guests attitudes would sour-that is, until I watched this video and recognized some of these (question cutting, misjudging boundaries, assuming the worst, etc.) in myself. Wasn’t expecting to actually gain anything from this video, but I did! Thanks!

One small note on the topic of conversational narcissism: Not all people who do it are trying to put focus on themselves. For most people dealing with ADHD, what can seem like narcissism is actually us trying to engage with what you're saying and empathise. So "work sucked" "oh my gosh yeah, X,Y,Z happened at my work" isn't inherently bad, it's trying to communicate; I hear you, I'm listening, I understand you, and I can relate to what you're saying.. But we also tend to leave it open just enough for others to then start sharing their stories

The giving unsolicited advice habit is one I'm SUPER guilty of lmao. I'm gonna make an effort to stop lol

Honestly, one thing I have learned about talking about topics is: asking permission to speak on something ahead of time. This gives you the ability to not cross a boundary without even having to hurt the person. You simply say: “Is the topic of your mothers death something we can discuss?” “No I would really like to not get into it.” “Okay perfectly fine. So… (topic change here.)” This is so helpful to preemptively stop yourself from crossing a boundary. You don’t have to do it with every topic, but certain heavy topics, it can really help you to respect the person you are speaking with.

I struggle a lot socially and on how to keep a conversation going. I saw a video 10+ years ago saying if you don't know what to say, relate to them with a story about you with something they just said and I did it for years not knowing people hate that😭

The Taylor Swift-John Kleese exchange really got me to thinking about this. Knowing the right response to an inappropriate comment or attack can really be a lot of pressure. Kleese turns that "and cussed, like women" comment right at Taylor. With a live audience and people reacting, obviously it's on tv too. Taylor has a brand and a huge group of fans who want to believe that she will not succumb to male power, but equally just as many industry titans, i.e. men, waiting to slam her if she goes too hard aggressively back or comes across too unlikable in her response. Plus, obviously, she wants to remain authentic and true to herself in her response. Plus, do you want to turn this into an argument with the beloved Kleese. There's so many possible scenarios here. And once the audience laughs and goes ooooohhhh, the clock is ticking. One second, two seconds. Come on Taylor, say something, what is your response? "Oooooohh we don't wanna do that" John Kleese laughs and takes a hint, everything stays the course. Taylor's fans are satisfied. So are Kleese's. The audience laughs. Hurdle cleared. But man, that's gotta be tough. There's probably a lot of those decisions. And tbh while I know she's been bashed for a few well-meaning-but-tone-deaf social media posts, I can't really think of an infamous Taylor Swift gaffe on live tv so seems like she handles herself pretty well for the most part. Good on her.

The saving private mace one is just mind blowing. You would have to be a psychopath to think that joke was ok to run with

I’ve tried talking to one of my family members about CONSTANTLY relating other people’s stories back to herself. She will even mow over them so they can’t finish what they were saying. She swears it’s an appropriate way to show empathy and keep the conversation going.

I really appreciate this video. I want to be the best person I can be. Some of us were never taught these etiquette things and you are never too old to learn. What a beautiful thing it is to respect others and have others respect you. Thank you.

Steve-O looked so crushed... Most definitely undeserved

Lol what on earth was seriously wrong with that first guy. Did he really think that it was his glorious moment to unleash his "epic" joke he'd been holding in since the 1700's

This is something I genuinely struggled with when I was younger and continue to as a grown adult. I think I have good intentions and I just want to make people laugh, but I also like to be the center of attention and special, so I used to make terrible “jokes” and really put people off. As I get older yes, I could take “risks” and hope people like me without editing what I say, but it’s much better to have great friendships than to be obsessed with being “special”. I feel more relaxed if I give myself some boundaries.

I've been guilty of the giving unsolicited advice. I have to remind myself not to give solutions when I'm not asked for them. Sometimes people just want to talk about their problems without asking for a solution. I should keep remembering that.

One of the best pieces of life advice in the whole video is at <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="506">8:26</a>. To have good relationships with everyone, choose to assume positive intent with everyone by default until you have explicit proof that their intent was negative. Even then, sometimes choosing to cast positive intent on them can turn things around in your favor.

Man, the more of these I watch the more I realize I've never been around decent people, and rarely on the receiving end of a pleasant conversation.

Assuming positive intent will help avoid those inevitable situations where you assumed the worse, over-reacted, and ruined a situation or even relationship. If the perceived slight is actually an insult, you can still make positive progress by setting the boundaries and (trying to) redirect the conversation/topic. Holding others accountable for their statements without being triggered back can increase their respect for you, improve their future behavior, and might even result in an apology. All wins.

I'm guilty of every one of these. Some regularly. I have to consciously keep this list in mind in conversations - stop myself before I start.

George with the unsolicited advice and the Island boys with the instant aggression

I'm really bad at the conversational narcissist. Sad part it I am trying to relate to the person I'm talking to. Next thing I know im talking about myself for the next 10 mins. I realize that I'm doing it and stop. Or it's to late. Idk

Yeah I always try to relate to people by giving example of how I have gone through similar situations and know their pain and realize now that's conversational narcissism

Self reflecting my comversations in the past years made me realise that I have a tendency for conversaional narcism. Trying hardly to work on it and trying to bite my tounge. It's not easy but it's getting better ^^

When I told a "a friend " that my grandmother died she replied with her being upset too cause her cat died 3 months ago and how this has been so hard for her... Naturally I forgot about my circumstances and comforted her. It was her cat after all!!

I’m autistic and I struggle with conversation a lot and these are really helping me. Thank you! 69 likes...nice

In my opinion, the question cutting is the worst. How can you not know you are doing this. Being an introverted person, I sometimes hesitate when answering a question, so many people feel they need to fill the void with their own answer. I generally stop talking & let them go on, knowing they don't care about my answer.

I do shift response a lot, but mainly because I'm trying to relate. However, I have been working on that lately. One that I really don't like being done to me is when someone asks me a question and then they immediately interrupt me. Sometimes I don't even get my answer out so I just sit there and don't respond. Half the time they don't even notice.

Wow, this video is absolutely PACKED with value! I am definitely guilty of violating some of these. Really grateful to this channel for bringing awareness to this type of stuff so we can all do better 🙏🏻

It's good you mention that most people aren't purposely trying to be unlikable, and in fact lots of times, people might even think they're being helpful. Since we are armed with the knowledge you share in these videos, it's not only important for us to try and avoid these faux pas ourselves, but it's also important for us to be patient and polite and tolerant when others do these things to us, especially some of the more innocuous ones like convo narcissism, question trampling, and unsolicited advice.

I interrupt people alot, i try not to but it happens and i do warn people about it because, if i don’t say things when i think them, you can forget about me remembering what i was gonna tell you 2-5 mins from now. They know it’s serious when I start to forget in the middle of the sentence. 😂

I get the fear of listening too much and not responding much to the conversation because it makes me feel like I don't care enough with the situation, and sometimes I feel like my tongue would fill up words that it would somehow slip up with one of these bad habits you listed. I fluff my conversation a lot to show that I actually contribute to the conversation because when someone else who doesn't respond much, it makes me feel like they don't care so I rather show care by fluffing up my conversation. It probably sounds emotionally selfish but that's just how I feel.

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="140">02:20</a> - this happened to me last week and I'm still angry/irritated when I think about that moment. An a$$hole colleague of mine asked me a question over a call. When I started answering that, she interrupted me. You wouldn't believe: this happened to me twice on that same call. I wanted to yell "hey a$$hole, you asked me a question", but I just kept quiet. This is extremely irritating behaviour, that too in a professional environment. Thankfully, I seldom interact with that a$$hole.

I experience huge amounts of anxiety in social gatherings or conversations from constantly watching myself and making sure I'm not being rude and upsetting people, or alienating myself. Watching this I realise now that it's because I just need to learn social skills in more detail; I find social etiquette really hard to understand or read but anyone I tell this to are usually people who just know all of this intrinsically, and can't help literally outline things for me. Thanks for the great content!

Really well curated channel. As someone who has paid enormously for faux pas in my social interactions, I really appreciate the value of your insights and structure.

the second point is something i'm absolutely terrified of accidentally doing (though i think it already happened multiple times), even when i'm just saying stuff like "*i'm* happy for you" or "*i'm* sorry that happened to you", and the irony of it all is that i can't even talk about this struggle of mine without feeling bad, because if i do, the whole focus of the conversation would become me again

I'm not always in Swift's corner; but that response to Cleese was FIRE

Been watching you guys for almost two years now. I've always had a pretty hard time introducing myself to people and putting myself out there. But your tips have slowly made me comfortable with talking to people. I'm actually going on my first date in about 5.5 years. Just wanted to say thank you. This channel has helped me and I hope it has helped others :)

#2 is often someone trying to show they relate to you by bringing up a similar event in their lives so I'm not bothered by it. It's when it turns into one-upmanship it gets annoying, like "that's nothing! When I worked at Company X, I had a supervisor who would always--" etc.

These boil down to merely paying attention to the other person, whether they are receptive or emotional, interested or reflecting. Being able to do that saves a lot of internal thinking about what not to do (and missing out on even more of what the other person is signaling).