7 Stages of a Borderline personality disorder (BPD) Relationship 

As BPD myself I can tell you she’s totally wrong about the leaving part… we will never leave we will simply make it so miserable that person has to leave us

My ex wife is a complete BPD. I had no idea until I researched this condition. It was a living hell and a complete emotional roller coaster.

The bpd breakup is the worst breakup I’ve ever been through. The most addicting people will just wrench themselves out of your life and blindside you. Lie. Then be with someone else within a week.

It's insane how I went through these 7 stages literally step by step... She broke up with me on Valentine's day and immediately got in a new relationship with the guy she was talking to during our relationship. She brought up like 3 past issues that has already been resolved and blamed me for never changing and the reason for her unhappiness. I was just baffled and left in shock, everything was smooth sailing before that, telling me how much she love and appreciates me and then suddenly tells me she despises me. I don't even know what I did wrong. I was extremely self aware in the relationship to avoid stepping on eggshells. I got a good grasp of BPD when she was diagnosed in order for me to properly understand and comprehend her, listening isn't enough. It hurts that all of this was simply a façade. She checked off every box, she was the one until she flipped the switch. Now I know she's doing the same things we used to do with the new guy and it hurts.

Being around this behaviour makes you feel insane. I honestly felt that the soul was sucked right outta me by the end. So much pushing and pulling, sometimes on a daily basis. Extremely toxic. I feel for anyone going through this. But bare in mind, mental disorder doesnt take away from the fact that abuse is abuse.

These type of people are a total mind f*ck. Your best bet is to get out n cut the attachment as soon as they start portraying these behaviors. If you don't you'll be the one suffering the most by the end of it. Most of them know they're toxic in relationships but they don't want to seek help, they'll get a kick out of making you their victim, making you miserable (just like them) n destroying your life in the process. That's how they get their power,thru manipulation and emotional vampirism. They purposely go after Empathic people who may have self esteem issues themselves n who may want to save and take care of them. It's not a symbiotic but more of a parasitic relationship where you'll become their host n they will suck the life out of you n once they feel they have drained you of all your worth, they will move on to the next host n their toxic cycle will repeat. Stay blessed. ✊🏿

For me, it was a really soul-crushing when we went from intense attraction to me shutting down parts of my personality to sort of mirror their mirroring. I noticed early on she had a very intense sensitivity to the less rosy parts of my persona but I was too emotionally hooked to get out when it became apparent. So I started mirroring her and trying to be "good enough" for her. I'm a fairly emotionally driven person to begin with and I got rid of the last vestiges of rationality in order to survive life with her. When she moved out of my apartment and I got some of my willpower back, every time I would show her the tiniest glimpse of that willpower and occasional prickliness that comes from standing your ground, she would freeze, leave and take a day or two to recuperate.

Devaluing stage is 100% accurate. It’s very hurtful to experience and it’s a never ending cycle. I think it’s time to nope out somebody else can deal with it

BPD don't enjoy chasing. Quite the opposite, they never understand that their partner is there loyal and trusting. They will chase an internal illusion that they are not being validated. In the end that might cause their fears to come true.

It wasn't until I met my girlfriend with BPD that I truly realized that intelligent and seemingly reasonable women can have a complete parallel reality of truth. The black and white perspective and lack of empathy for others is so striking, as their own pain and feelings are so strong. It's changed my outlook on the world and it's sad to realize that BPD peoples' reality is so real to them, but can be completely false from a healthy and rational perspective. Especially as they can be so intelligent. I can only imagine the pain that people close to BPD sufferers have gone through...

Holy fuck been going through this for a year. It’s crazy to hear her tell me thank you for showing me what an actual healthy relationship is. And then puts me through all this. It’s also crazy to hear that maybe this is because she has to hunt unhealthy relationships and since I’m a healthy relationship she sabotages it. It sucks because I love her more than anything and don’t want to let go. But it keeps the cycle going

This video is what I play when I want to get back with my BPD ex partner, it makes me realise that all I am doing is going on a loop again with more suffering and less honeymoon each time... Thank you, this video helps me staying away. I suffered so much at the devaluation stage 💔

I am sorry on behalf of all the BPD people. We don't want to live this way 😭

I have been destroyed by a boy whom I’m pretty sure has bpd. He has been diagnosed with depression and PTSD but out of the 9 criteria of bpd, he meets all of them. He also did this exact shit with me and I swear, no one knows how destructive and traumatising it is unless themselves went through it. He was so sweet and took care of me like no one ever did in the begining. He bought me flowers, said things to me that made me feel amazing and consistently told me he loved me. He looked at me as if I was the most beautiful girl in the world, talked proudly about me with his family and friends and he wanted to see me all the time. At one point we were almost living together at his place. I believed our relationship was very strong as we were friends for several years before that, had a great connexion and complicity and supported each other (he cried in my arms and I told him everything about my past). He told me he was doing so much better thanks to me, and for me this love felt like I found the missing pieces of a puzzle. I fell madly in love with him and could not imagine my life without him anymore. And then came the withdrawal and devaluation phase after our first argument (I got angry because he lied to me). Suddently, he did not want to see me anymore and said he needed time to think. I told him that I was sorry, that I loved him and that I wanted to talk things over with him, but he just avoided the conversation and was cold and dismissive of my feelings. But still, he kept texting me asking how my day was while not seeing me and being distant, even mean sometimes, as if he was still punishing me for the argument. Everytime I asked him what was going on he would become defensive and tell me we were going to speak about it, which of course we never did. I now realise how abusive this was, but the idealisation phase was so intense and addictive that I lost all respect for myself and waited for him...hoping to get this love back and believing I really did something wrong for his behavior to change so radically. The pain was so great that I just wished I could never ever wake up again. At work I could not help but to check my texts every hour, hoping to receive one from him telling me cute stuff or asking me if I wanted him to pick me up after work, as he did in the beginning. But of course he didn’t and each glance at my phone made me die inside. Eventually, after three weeks like that we finally met and spend and exciting weekend together, kissing intensely and passionately. There were still mean jokes and comments in between, but he told me about plans together for the next week end and this summer so I was so excited believing things were going back to normal. Only to be discarded via text three days later. I asked him to discuss this face to face but he aggressively refused and said he did not own me anything. He also told me I was lucky he was still nice to me, and when I tried to apologize and explain myself again he said it was too late and that I ruined the relationship. I told him that it was not possible to not love me anymore for an argument if he really did love me and he replied saying ‘’I guarantee you it is’’. Finally, when I told him that I hoped one day he would realise that we really had something special and that it was worth saving, he told me ‘’do not exagerate, it was not that great’’. I remember crying to my best friend, in shock and confused, saying ‘’it’s like he was two completely different persons’’, wondering where the hell was the man whom I once loved and who had been replaced by a monster. And then I found out he started seeing one of his exes one week after our argument and that he just discarded me after concluding with her. Plus that he lied to me about another ex being dead when she was in fact alive (the source of the argument we had was that he lied to me about blocking her, as later he told me he didn’t because she passed away). At that point I realized there was more than PTSD going on with him, so I started reading about mental diseases and when I came across bpd everything clicked at once in my mind. It was a huge relief for me me to finally make some sense of what happened to me and know that I am not the crazy one. I am relieved and thankful I got out, even though I still feel so empty and shocked and like I am living life on autopilot. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again after this.

I fell victim to a bpd untreated male no one should have to have experienced such trauma there non functioning can’t do anything for themselves and everything that is yours they feel entitled to and left used and abused and it’s alllll about them no empathy or remorse there’s no excuse for abuse there’s hope if u do dbt therapy they need to quit blaming everyone else for there actions and not going to therapy or manipulating the therapist into your the bad ones and there the victim my ex had 6 therapists and they believed his lies so he continues on that path of destruction it’s actually sad for all involved my ❤️goes out to those who endured this abuse

Excellent video on the cycles that occur in relationships in which one individual has BPD. You shed some light on this topic for people without BPD who are seeking to understand why being in a relationship with someone suffering from this disorder is so confusing and aggravating. Thank you!

BPD is on a spectrum. When the devaluation starts there’s no coming back . The cycle begin to speed up and those stages got shorter and shorter like as if the walls are closing in on you .She couldn’t take any accountability, everything was my fault, couldn’t talk about our relationship to reconcile or work on it . After 5.5 years I walked away and it was painful. 6 months later she got with some guy and in less than a month they got married and had a baby . They just keep it moving and you are as if you never existed. Life lesson people . To be fair it takes two and something is definitely wrong with you to put up with them and not walk away after a few red flags. ❤

This is the best video I’ve seen on BPD

This video was 100% what happened to me. My ex 30f and I 40m broke up with me 5 months ago for me drinking too much and not bettering my career which is valid. I’ve since quit drinking and looking for a job and we agreed to keep talking and try and mend things. She keeps going back and forth with saying she will take steps back into coming home then backing off again. Hot and cold. Things were looking up a bit after giving her space then she got overwhelmed and from talking to me every day, back to maybe once the past week. During our 5 year relationship she improved a lot with getting therapy and things were great for years! Getting help, helped her and then a catalyst just set her into a spiral into “independence “ aka running away temporarily or until I decide I’m done but for now I haven’t given up

I have some traits of bpd and I don't claim to know everything about it but my experience with the leaving stage isn't because I'm not challenged or I need to go on a "hunt", that's actually very weird to me. I have times where I'm unhappy and my partner is clearly unhappy and I think the best way to show my love is to leave so that they can have a chance of some happiness.

I felt myself get defensive, then I stopped and tried to apply what she said to something in my life that wasn't so obvious, that could be easily mistaken as affection but it's really control, and she's totally and completely right. Once I removed my narc fiance from the scenarios, I realized I'd have done the same thing had he not even been there. That I'm driving him to not even want to get help. That I was causing just as much chaos for him as he was for me. I used his behavior as an excuse for my own..... This is eye opening for damn sure

My experience of dating someone with this was them continually talking about leaving - but then when I eventually said I was done - they acted like I’d abandoned them. It was the most toxic connection of my life. The intense love, and idealisation at the start gets you thinking it’s a soul mate, then the belittling and cruelty as well as the constant mood swings and anger, left me physically unwell. You literally get whiplash from them, will they love or hate me today. Then when you are trying to move on the constant reaching out, blame game, temporary love bombing again and then anger - it’s exhausting. I feel for anyone in this situ.

And guess what I just received this message from her : Hey I’m gonna distance myself a bit, I just wanted to let u know so you don’t think I went ghost. This is a part where I have to be completely patient calm and not go into panic mode or take anything personally because I know she’s having a mental break right now she feels overwhelmed.

Love your video. Damn accurate. A couple things: the break up feels absolutely heartbreaking in large part because by that time, you will have given so much of yourself and you will have put up with so much from them thinking that they love you when the whole time, it’s very shallow. Another thing that makes it heartbreaking is that you’re sitting there hurting for a while after the break up only to find out that your ex has moved on literally from one day to another as if you never existed. They can jump right into another long-term relationship seemingly from one day to another and swear up and down that this person is just absolutely the right person for them. They are basically everything you’re not. Obviously, this is long after the devaluation has begun with you. I’ve never encountered anybody else who could just seemingly switch on their emotions and switch them off so effortlessly. It’s because it’s an act. They don’t really feel it. They just know what it looks like and they do their best to mimic it.

The more I learn about BPD, the less I feel I understand it. Scared of abandonment, yet leave relationships because it's too easy? Can't handle being ignored, but operate in ways that make it hard or ill advised to give attention to them for fear they'll continue with that sort of behavior. You can tell somebody exactly what they need to do to get attention, and they may not listen, yet get mad when they're ignored. Makes no sense to me personally

To be frank, this pattern concerns fairly many normal relationships unaffected by any emotional pathologies or personality disorders: you fall in love, idealize the other, find first cracks, perhaps get hurt or disappoined, get back together, briefly work on things, then realize your previous instinct was right all along and people really dont change... Is that so foreign? It can also be affected by Being reckless or temperamental and chaotic doesnt make you a borderliner - also being dumped or cheated on or devalued doesnt mean your ex had BPD and you are, oh how convenient, totally not to blame. I am living with a wife with BPD for 10 years. What makes the difference is the sheer frequency and scale in terms of lack of emotional stability. Normal people typically value their long-term relationships quite a lot and it takes them quite some time to make the move and break up, at which point they are sure and convinced they mean. A person with BPD will promise eternal love in the evening, state that she is SURE this time and wants to buy a house together and have kids this year, in the morning she will be moody, bitter and eventually explode in anger and tell you you make her want to vomit, you are the worst person she ever met and wants to leave straight away. And this repeats itself like 10 times a month. Day after they would have no clear recollection of this and probably ask for an apology because you were mean and provoked them.

This is very accurate to my experience. My BPD ex told me she had my diagnosed with BPD after her previous relationship but that her therapist said it was just ‘temporary.’ And yet she showed all these stages. The devaluing was the hardest. She was so critical and mean over very small things. The withdrawal was hard too. It was all very confusing.

Yes, these things do happen, not necessarily in phases like this, but not necessarily because the person with BPD is doing it on purpose or planning these things. There is an intense sense of desperation and pain going on in these people that make them behave this way. They are really are afraid of losing you and being alone which causes clinginess and codependency. When they shut you out it is either because of splitting, which is part of the disorder, not something they are consciously doing, where they can go from seeing something or someone as all good or all bad, or they are seeing themselves as being all bad and trying to push you away to try to save you. The threats of suicide are out of desperation and are sometimes real. 1 out of 10 people with BPD do take their own lives. Best way I have heard it put is it's like an emotional burn victim. Emotions are extremely sensitive.

Love how some people with bipolar just blame the disorder but are mixing medication with alcohol and drugs losing sleep, being narcissistic lying to people can’t keep their house organized or clean or their car or will actually work on themselves, but everybody else is the problem. It’s deeper than mental illness. My mother has bipolar two I’ve dealt with multiple bipolars my whole life, and what I’ve learned is that these people never admit the wrongs, and the BPD people I’ve had relations with they seem to lack empathy and don’t seem to understand true love, and everything that is involved with love to some is something in exchange. More people need too grow up and own up too there bs and not just blame mental illnesses. When you take the right steps for a positive routine, you will have less toxicity in your life and routine to cause distress and feel insecure. These people do it to themselves. And wonder why there miserable.

And the Cycles go harder and harder every time, faster and faster, until she's breaking up with you two, three times a week

I went through this for 5 years, I’m a problem solver I made charts, notes, results percentages etc. I broke it down to a science and she HATED me for it. The moment I started to see the patterns, she took it as me saying its ALL YOURE at fault. I wasn’t on the contrary realized then that I was also a piece to this never ending repetitive pattern, everything is on point except for the leaving part, they don’t leave, they make it clear you can always come back and save this, instead they will make it so miserable to the point where you have to leave. But this is 95% correct, please please pay attention to the red flags mentioned. I always told myself I wish I could of met her again, I truly love her but I also love myself and those a relationship with a BPD is a never ending emotionally chaotic roller coaster. I tried for 5 years, it never changed ESPECIALLY is they’re refusing to acknowledge they even gave an issue. You will always be the reason they have uncontrollable emotions.

Jesus! This is verbatim what has just happened to me... A psychologist friend of mine said I might have met a BPD girl and to watch this. I cannot believe this is exactly what happened to me! I still can't get over her, I still love her... I cannot believe this. I still love her so much, it hurts me to know she is dealing with this and I can't help her. I'll never confront her about this, but I am so crushed right now. I don't know what to do. I just can't move on from her. She broke up with me 2 times, stood me up once, told me to "fuck off" out of anger when I was just talking to her, was afraid of me leaving her, and then went to "we should just be friends". Even after the first night, I slept over at her place, the following day she cried to me and said "I don't want to hurt you". Then the relationship changed dramatically!! No more "I love you" texts, no more "I miss you" texts, she would always text me and then it went to me always texting her. And this happened to me 8 months prior I was seeing a girl who was gaslighting me! It's wired, when I look back on it. I meet her once and made a joke about her work, after telling her for weeks how I think she is so amazing and her job is so cool. She got really upset about it. And she laughed at the time! But when she got home she told me how it hurt her. She sent a message telling me the night we had together didn't match up with the romantic texts we sent each other leading up to it. And I was like "But I am that guy in the texts!". Now I see the signs, it makes so much sense. ... I'm so lost right now. I feel used. I have no one to turn to and I still love her so much.

Stage 1, leave them, block them and never talk to them again

I love someone who pushed me away. It happened EXACTLY as you described. Like you said, I want to help and support them, but I get so hurt when they stop talking.

My ex would break up with me every night then expect me to beg her to come back the same night. After letting her do that abd manipulate me too many times I started to stand up for myself and it went south fast with me being assaulted and bitten as she tried to break into my apartment and confront or assault the new girl I was talking with l. Ended with her arrest and a restraining order it still haunts me today

WOW. Thank you for this

Thank you for sharing this. I’m absolutely enthralled with my BPD bf of a year. We’ve already had the split with him going back to his ex wife and now back with me, but the thing is I refuse to let him have any communication without me around and having input. She’s very manipulative and has been until me. Chad and I have very open and honest conversations and he’s explained a lot to me and I can understand what he’s feeling and why. He has to split then when he’s back we talk through whatever the situation may be and then it feels as if we’ve “leveled up” in our relationship. Please just don’t tell me this cycle last forever

I just got out of a relationship that lasted a little over a year, I was beyond good to her. I was very confused on why she left, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it, it was driving me crazy. I started thinking she was a female narcissist, but after watching this video, every step made more and more. I’m no doctor, but I’m certain she has BPD. There are 2 things I noticed that’s she did a little different, towards the end she made the relationship completely miserable and made be believe all of this was my fault, but would continue to string me along…..it wasn’t until she found someone else to replace me that then it was completely over. Which at this point she still tried to string me along telling me she still loved me and couldn’t get over me. At that point I said stop the ride I WANNA GET OFF. hope this helps someone.

For me the devaluation part only came out in public. I had this weird thing where when we were alone I completely idolized him but when there were others around I was very on guard and ready to fight him. There were moments I genuinely despised him, "he's such a know it all" "he acts so confident". It was absolutely ridiculous because I knew that I loved him and I didn't understand why I had all these negative thoughts about him. I ended up telling him about it all and apologizing, telling him that I didn't actually believe that stuff but my anger just bubbles to the surface. I really hate the things I did. I tried my best to pull them back when I could so I wasn't outright awful to him, just kinda bitter at times.

As someone with BPD we maybe bored of regular relationships but we do not leave if we are getting effection we want that love and dedication we will not leave no we won't we get that that's love we just sometimes may say we are if we feel you never cared or don't

I’m finally recovering! ❤ being very aware when I’m splitting - I’ve written a text to myself and I read it then to remember - and of which stage I’m on. Also starting therapy soon. I’m on the recovery stage 6: Acceptance😎, and things are now very relaxed with my partner. ❤ (I just hope we are not on the long stage 1 again….. 🤔😅 nah, and I’d notice if we moved on to the next stage.) Wish you BPD peer sweeties all the best ❤ you are strong, amazing, unique, and can definitely do it!! 😘 Yes, we do nasty things, with the knowledge and skills of that moment - and when we get to know more, things do get better. All it takes is awareness - which is kinda hard with the memory lapses - but eventually it will happen. Recovery statistics tell the rest of the story. ❤️ (After 10 years most of the previously BPD diagnosed people won’t met the criteria anymore.)

I’m in an on and off relationship currently with someone with BPD. And i feel it’s even more emotional because it is a lesbian relationship. Currently in the 6th stage, she said she didn’t want to see me ever again and didn’t ask to see me for weeks, but still always messaged me and popped up at my job/bars we both go to when she knew I’d be there. Spent days together and felt like we were in love again, now she needs “space” and wants to leave town for weeks. The problem is that I truly love her, and am very understanding and helpful of mental health issues as I am a psychology grad student. I went back to her after everyone told me not to and she had been verbally abusive towards me. Truly don’t know what to do in this situation, on one hand I love her and she makes me feel a way I haven’t felt in years even with other partners, but another part of me thinks it’s best for me and her to let her go. Honestly could use some advice on this situation.

Why is it that the hunt is so important for them? I felt like my ex obsessively chased me for months and when I finally told her I was committed to making our relationship work that’s when she flipped into not being sure if she wanted a relationship

Crowdfunding for a BPD Asylum.

Agree with all of this. I've been having a thing on and off for a couple years with someone I suspect to be BPD, whom I care for and whom I consider to be a close friend. I'm sure everyone here can identify with the idealization and devaluation as well as the rapidity of the mood swings, between an intense feeling of intimacy followed by an apparent complete lack of empathy of caring for you. It's a scary snap. The thing that I've noticed a lot of as well is that there seems to be a lot of what seem like games, though which may not actually be, if that makes any sense. Like, she'll initiate physical intimacy, but then stop and start it repeatedly, and when sex finally does occur, I'm the villain for having taken part in it. I also think she becomes aware of the absurdity and challenge which these games and cycles present, and feels a fair bit of guilt about them, though is unwilling to chat about that, despite my willingness to do so. It's a frustrating, hurtful experience, and it's such a sad thing to admit that we can't help and that we likely at some point are going to have to make an escape from the cycle so as to save our own mental health. Upsetting.

I normally can’t shut up, but you’ve left me speechless. I just had his stuff ubered, I wasted no time. Now I gotta heal, ugh

I Found myself broken at the devaluing stage, I got told I am nothing, out of nowhere nearly, It was harsh on me because I already suffered from low self-esteem. for me it was just another Sunday, Staying up all night defending myself over texts because she refuses to call or see me, She already was idolizing someone new. I Kinda Knew, still loved her though, and after a few hours of back and forth, She drops it on me, She doesn't love me and I am not her problem anymore... she doesn't care for me. I didn't know what was happening and my world fell apart, I kept getting blocked and unblocked for a month or so, I kept getting mixed signals of being pet named to being told "I don't care for your existences" , I gave up and backed up, and she seems to do so too...then she came back again... Until my therapist told me that she has BPD and I was suffering from her abuse. i went into therapy because i have developed codependent tendencies on her because of my low self-esteem, I loved saving, I loved being the guy she ran to every time something went wrong, made the Ol self-esteem better...

My last boyfriend was like this. Not malicious just unstable. When he reached devaluing he was polite with it i guess, but I think his overall personality is polite. When he got therapy for something else he realized he was unstable so even if he did try to come back he was more reserved with it. I don't take it personally because he is who he is. Also probably because I've met a narcissist before I learned that not everything is about me lolll some people are just ummm disordered and you should leave them to their problems

Not all of us with BPD are so cookie cutter so I hope people get that we need love too and some of us just want to find a person to care for and don’t want to devalue or break up.

But how can we change? I want so badly to change, to not do this to the person i love. Every time i hurt him i feel such deep pain... I didn´t understand why i did it but a couple of weeks ago i was told by a new therapist that i had bdp traits and it all made sense, now i want to stop it, i don´t want to be this person and i am doing eveything in my power not to be, everyday. Please, what can i do, i dont want to lose the love of my life, i have spent half of my life with him and could never see what i was doing, but now it migh be too late. I don´t know how to explain to him that now i understand, that i'm sorry, that i am willing to do everything in my power to be better for me, and for him. I am in pieces.

I dated a girl with BPD and went through all these stages in just 3 weeks! My god it was intense and exhausting. Sooo much drama for nothing! I have now blocked her on communication channels.

Fell madly in love. She wanted to learn my language and mirror some things. I was really good with her. Little criticism was too much. She did listen when I was assertive. Then one minor thing happens and suddenly she’s distant. I chase her confused because she doesn’t speak about it when upset. Long story short she cheated on me. Asked her why she said I felt I needed to leave but was too attached and that would seal the deal. Broke me to pieces

I am absolutely certain I have undiagnosed BPD. Listening to this and looking at my relationship history, I see the pattern. I'm the common denominator. Thankfully, I have been referred for assessment to ascertain if I do have BPD, but I really feel the conclusion will be that I have. Looking back at my life, it makes total sense to me.

I went through this whole thing in three weeks! I was completely confused. Luckily at least when we met she told me she had bpd so at least I was able to find this video for at least some comfort that I didn't do anything wrong.

experience i could have done without -but she gone and i am healing slowly 🥰

And then when you break up with them, they act completely shocked and cry.

Managed to recognize something was off with a girl exhibiting a similar pattern. Got out at a month and a half. Still care about her but it's from a distance

I am going trough exact same stages with a BPD partner . I love him so much but he never understand. When you were explaining i was thinking like u are saying all the things i have been trough for 5 years . Its hard😢

Does anyone know how long it usually takes for the bpd to try to contact you again? I don't want him back but still want to have an idea so I can prepare mentally and emotionally.

In conclusion: If you met someone that's just like your BPD ex, ask them if they have BPD or not. If they have BPD, block them and never ever reach out to them anymore. Demmn. This is traumatizing. I can't even move on. 🤧

Please update whatever reference material you're citing; stigma around BPD is rampant, and studies around it are infrequent and precious. The information about needing to hunt love is not accurate at all in regards to BPD. Reactions in relationships involving BPD are commonly motivated by poor/lack of self-image. Parts of the brain like the amygdala and hippocampus are commonly found to be significantly smaller, implying a future full of increased suffering, where emotional pain signals are amplified in those areas. We are incredibly empathetic, and can tell with rapid speed when someone is hiding upset feelings. The amount of pain we feel in day-to-day life is actually more concentrated than it should be, and it lasts much longer. Its common for us to stop feeling anything at all. Rebound relationships aren't a preference or a game. Narcissism is not a required trait when examining a BPD diagnosis. Please spread awareness 🙏 ❤

The 2nd honeymoon stage over here was only 1 day lol. After I saw almost the exact same cycle happening on a faster schedule I finally full no contact and blocked her e everywhere. I feel like i have myself again. Shes no longer in my head 24/7. Its nice to feel like the record is no longer skipping.

Is it common for someone with BPD to experience intense obsessions with someone they admire? Or even an enemy? Copying what they do. Liking the same things they like. Dressing like them etc. Could go hand in hand with struggling with identity. Anybody else or know anybody else with this issue?

I've thought of this cyclic behavior as a need for melodrama. After the honeymoon phase most relationships will become steady and predictable. Someone with BPD can't tolerate such a humdrum love life.

To me this behavior sounds like an anxious avoidant trap, I guess there's overlapping behavior between diagnosis. How would you go about spotting the difference between those two cases? Anyhow, your video is appreciated. Thank you.

my fiancée just got diagnosed with BDP while i’m out of the country, we’ve been together for almost 8 years and we have 2 beautiful kids. Right now i wish i knew she was diagnosed earlier, it feels like everything is my fault and that im trying best to hold on to her, her love for me seems non-existent at this point. Telling me that she will ruin my life etc, i believe she doesn’t mean this, cause i have seen the good in her, it feels like someone else has taken over her mind. i’m so scared of losing her.

I think there should be a disclaimer that not every BPD relationship is this way. Some people with BPD can be self aware. And can adjust and correct their behaviour. Not everyone with BPD is unstable and toxic.

I’ve been with her for 8 years in that cycle 😢

My presuambly BPD ex partner and I were together for a 1 month with intense trauma bonding and love bombing which caused me to fall in love really quickly. But then she start triggering my childhood traumas through her actions or messages which drained her a lot. We had a argument on the last relationship day where I felt she didnt listen to me or understood me so I said "I throw in the towel". She understood that as now you broke up with me and you cant take it back even tho I tried to find a solution the same day because I wasnt ready to give up at all. She blocked me everywhere and I tried to send her a message through my friends phone, sent a letter and some flowers with a note. After some weeks she replied with a text that she would involve the cops if I didnt stop bother her with no warnings at all. I guess thats the devaluing stage right? She went from intense love bombing me to that message which is crazy to me. My question is how common is it they come back and does this sound like BPD person? Sidenote: She told me multiple times she wouldnt leave me and if someone would leave it would be me which I think is because she got childhood trauma with her dad who actually left her as a child.

Very interesting, thanks 🎆

I went through ALL 7 stages for over 6 years. I got married and everything and then I couldn’t take it anymore and I left the state.

Isn't this exactly the description of a narcissistic (NPD) person? If you watch the other psychiatrist and psychologist on RU-vid this is exactly what they say!

My bf have bdp and an other personality disorder that i forgot im in the devaluing stage and its really painful but i love him so much i cant just leave it will hurt him

Holy moly…

How to leave this kinda marriage? my husband don't want to leave me, and I'm in 8th year of marriage with him. He don't want to seek help. The only things that stops me is our 2 young kids 😢 he don't allow me to take my kids with me and im not working.

Is it okay to stay with a partner with BPD? I love my partner so much but we have suffered from this cycle for 4 years. What does a healthy relationship look like with a person who has BPD?

I have to comment on something specific: the “hunt” thing is mostly false. I have BPD and I have friends who have it too. I haven’t seen or heard anything about wanting to “hunt and chase love”. Chasing love is true, but we don’t just leave a relationship because we want to constantly chase the next best thing. We chase and envy love: that can especially be chased and sought from our current relationship, causing the turmoil we have created of demanding more love, lashing out, going back and forth of feeling high on love to feeling as if that person is evil, and back around on repeat. Some people do leave because they feel no love, but loyalty is usually something gigantic in BPD, and leaving someone is a method for us to defend ourselves rather than chase even more love.

Don't do it. Just don't even bother. You'll mentally fuck yourself up. Relationships with someone with "BPD" is easiest described as the story of the scorpion and the frog. "BPD" being the scorpion. It's also like having a gangrenous leg. You can hope for it to get better... But honestly just cut the fucker off and be done with it.

very good video but please try to put it in a way that doesn't crush the tiny bit of hope i still have thanks

How can you break the cycle?

im confused if my ex gf is borderline or a narcissist.. maybe a little both but when it came to the discard stage i feel like she was treating me like complete shit so that i would end the relationship so that she can go play victim. i didn't break up with her she dumped me i was just all confused why she treated me like complete shit out of nowhere then says were breaking up, ghosts and then with somebody else a week or 2 later.

So toxic! What about the ones that are extremely envious? Is that a part of bpd or are some also narcissists and not just borderline?

Listen to me, stay away from people with BPD. Run for your life.

Whoa...

My bpd partner is the absolute angel of my life and I see her as the best person ever still after a year of being with them. But I was seeking this video because we unfortunately hit the breakup phase and I'm not handling it well, I'm actually making it worse. She started seeing someone online to give her comfort and I know for a fact she has made that person her "favorite person" and every do just makes her uncomfortable and the problem is she lives with me. We sleep in the same bed and I have to deal with the hell that is trying to get her back by treating her like a princess while also knowing she's intimate with someone else. Im thinking about being the one person that gets her true help and get her into therapy as well as couples therapy. Is this a good direction? I absolutely adore this woman with all my heart and the weight of my past f ups and her complete lack of love is tearing me apart. I just want us to work. I want to marry her.

A person I know told me that they were diagnosed with BPD when they were 12. They went through a lot of trauma, foster system, and lots and lots of therapy. Long story short, now they are accusing me of being a computer hacker that stole their social media accounts and a cop. After conducting my own research on BPD, yes, I do believe that this person really is BPD. However, I don't understand the delusions???

Why does this description of a BPD person I'm a relationship sound so much like that with a narcissistic person, for instance a covert narcissist? This makes it feel difficult to determine who I was dealing with. And I will totally own my baggage, as I've spent my life as a codependent personality /people pleaser, beginning when I was a child. But I've been working that out for about 7 years now, w/ a ton of progress in recent years. I just can't tell if my ex is a covert N, or has BPD. I do know he has baggage from childhood as well, but has always chosen not to participate in couples counseling nor admit that he actually needs hep or needs to do any inner work of his own.

my boyfriend has bpd and right now hes pushed me away and is acting like hes gay after being incredibly attracted to me (a genderfluid person who is normally a woman) for 2 years. he got a boyfriend after only 2 days and im really really worried i want him back. if anyone sees this and wants to please talk to me

In the breakup /get back stage with my BPD gf I don't want any of it, but don't want to be super cold and don't want to jusy go no contact and lots of that is our of fear of what she'll do

People with untreated BPD are soulless, emotionless, void of empathy, no remorse, no guilt, ice cold monsters, just a long line of destroyed people in their wake as they casually move from one victim to the other, like a vampire, having their fun and moving on, leaving someone completely destroyed behind. My undying hatred towards all these vampires.

Holly damn I dont know who came up with this but it's 1000% my experience with a BPD girl. I would also add she lied a LOT.

I know he has BPD since the beginning his acting so overly jelous out of nowhere, over protective and he can be from 100% to -100% real quick. His words is like a tons of garbage when he explode and thanks god i can free from that

So now I understand that my ex boyfriend was actually breaking up with me because he wanted to chase someone else ! I can’t believe these people can’t see how FU@&& UP they are ! And that they should see a therapist so the damage will be less next time ! I can’t tell if I should consider him as a sick person or as a conscious person and selfish one who choses to hurt me all the time !

I have BPD, the hardest part for me is leaving, or being rejected, abandoned. I don’t easily leave people.

My ex-girlfriend was this. Yet, the irony was that she cheated on me. Obviously the guilt was having an impact on her behaviour.

Really? Really?!? Because I have BPD and I never broke with my boyfriend. I never did that if anything I was willing to just us down and I still think I… Might be doing that. I just don't like how he doesn't talk about the parts he plays in this

I guess im in the devaluation/ breakup stage… it feels like it was all a lie, like it was for nothing, i still care about her a lot.

This is the cycle of abuse.

Me and her are in separation as of now, I’m scared. I love her to death but will she see me like I see her?

When bpd partner started getting into physical fights with random people I needed to protect myself and wanted some space from bpd partner after12 years he slept with someone else.