7 Stages of Gaslighting - THIS Is How You Lose Your Sanity 

We thought we were giving our *heart* , to a *soulmate* . But, we were actually giving our heart to a *meat grinder* ....

My mother. My childhood. Took me about 40 years to figure it out, then I distanced myself (moved 730 km away). And started to figure out how to be calm, and happy.

1. Set you up to have a warped narrative (that something is wrong with you; internalized). 2. Repetition (More to be your best; never enough always on defense - . 3. . Accusing of starting trouble, back down from standing your ground) 4. Worn down trying to prove yourself; met with denial and it's your fault.(confusing) lose touch with trusting yourself 5. Hurt and Rescue - provoke anxiety and then give tiny bit of care - inflict mental anguish - codependent 6. False hope/trauma bonding. Victim about to leave, the abuser shows remorse, and gets them back, 7. Loss of complete control. Toxic person is in charge of everything, your thoughts, activity, money. Eggshells.

The purpose of *every moment* in your life is to *enjoy* it, not to waste the precious limited number of days you have on this Earth around people who have revealed themselves by their engaging in established consistent behavioral patterns that are toxic, manipulative and destructive -- people who *do not* care about you or have your best interests in mind. *NEVER* forget this!

He would tell me for years “ you know what’s wrong with you?” Now he tells me “ why do you always want to be or start drama?”. I feel so much anxiety every time I see him. He will start verbal fights and then tell me that he loves me everyday. Sometimes I tell him if verbal fights is love how do you treat people you hate? I’m always walking on eggshells around him.He has caught me watching these videos and he tells me that lady doesn’t know crap! Why do you waist your time watching that crap? Then he tells me you know you’re a narcissist!

One thing I also observe is that they not only gaslight in a systematic and step by step way but also juggle between these stages. I experience all stages of gaslighting and when I start seeing their abuse and getting free from their control they again start gaslighting from second last stage i.e showing remorse and willingness to change and making the relationship better which is just another attempt to gaslight. They are never going to change.

The two final stages are by far the most scariest life experiences I've ever had. Thinking back on it now still gives me the chills. It's really hard to comprehend how someone can put another person in such a confused state and twist the reality to their liking. Thank you Michele for a awesome video! I think everyone in a realtionship with a narcissist should see this.

I was cut off from the world and I thought something was wrong with me.😭

Was a victim of gaslighting for years!!!!! and I never knew!!!!!

We need to place more importance on emotional intelligence. There can be many wounded parts of us running in the background that we don't even realize.

Yes yes yes to every question married thirty years you nailed it. My ex used to get me upset by just being mean spirited he would then calmly sit back and say what's your problem why are you yelling I'm not the one loosing it... you are out of control and over sensitive. Why do you always bring up the past...that never happened. The worse.....your not being very Christan if you can't forget something that happened a year ago. It took a new co worker who read my distress from a bad luncheon date to tell me to look up gas lighting. I found your videos and slowly became assured that I wasn't the forgetfully one...the mess up one. The one with terrible friends and family I should not associate with. I am enjoying little things so much now I'm loving life but it's a hard road because at first I became the bully in my brain to replace him. I was so critical of myself I thought I was ugly and stupid and un lovable. Only self love and these wonderful videos and faith and good family and friends pulled me out of the waves. no contact with my ex for 16 months. Thank you for helping me through this life change!

Sometimes the gaslighter does another important thing - acts on social level and tells to everyone lies about the target that he/she is crazy and how he's worried about the target

I do relate to this example because I’m always accused instead of my parent taking accountability for their behavior towards me. Instead of changing their attitude to fix the problem, they intentionally make me look like I’m the problem. This video was so helpful. Thank you.

If you are a "people pleaser" you can be taken in by a Cluster B. You can be highly educated with a good self esteem, so you overlook the little jabs and dismiss gaslighting as a personality quirk.

"You made me do it" - favourite saying of sociopathic mother.

This happened to me for 8years. I’m still healing and I thank God for saving me❤️

I've experienced this in many ways. My mind floods with memories of the different situations and encounters that I've had with toxic people and relationships. Michele, I would like to bring up something about the reference point that you talked about. Because I was steeped in narcissism since I was a baby, which carried on throughout school into college, at every job, in dating and marriage, etc, I feel like I never really had a reference point to get back to. The strategies for changing that I've learned is like taking a school course on a subject that I would have little-to-no knowledge of; beginning with learning theory (book learning), then learning by doing (like a corresponding lab). I don't know if that makes sense, or not. I just don't think I ever had a reference point, except for believing that I was a born loser. I don't believe that anymore. Maybe my reference point is more like a mirage in a desert, or an illusion. But now I see that belief (born loser) as false. Now I'm moving towards gaining a sense of who I really am. I am a daughter of God, of infinite worth. I am imperfect, but that's okay because I am a work in progress. I have gifts, talents, and purposes to accomplish. Sending you love and hugs, Michele. I'm so grateful for you! 💖

Very interesting that you said "the only person who can get through to you is the toxic person" I was never able to see my mom's abuse for what it was until after she told me "I'm not as nice as you think I am"

This is so accurate it’s scary!! I’m so glad I walked away 4.5 years ago after 30.5 years of gaslighting from my ex husband.

Woman, you are the Narc Whisperer. You have a way to explain so succinctly. This can get a bit confusing sometimes. To be fair, I think most people exhibit some of these behaviors every great once in awhile. Let's keep letting people know about this disfunction before it becomes "how it is" for everyone. Bless you, woman, and great job rising above this yuck.

Well explained. I've been in stage 7 for a while now and I have lost touch with everything. I miss myself. Your videos are always great

Thank you for breaking this down. Narcissistic people love 💕 taking your self esteem! - or they try too. I had to build up my self esteem again , won’t ever let some one bury it again. Love your channel Michelle & will sit back & listen & learn more from you 👈🙌☀️

My narc ex-wife did Gaslighting with me and for a while I fell for it, that is until I caught onto her tactics by educating myself by watching narcissist abuse videos like from this channel. Thanks Michele for this video.

People that tend to put others before themselves are like magnets to narcissists. This behavior of self sacrifice usually stem from childhood trauma, where their parent(s) and/or caretakers are self absorbed and demand everything to be centered around them. You need to heal your Inner Child, if this is the case for you. Look up whatever resource that resonnates with you, but I would recommend Guided Meditations to begin with, and then move on to a more systematic approach with some reading material designed to use a pen and paper, photos of you as a child and other means to reconnect with your inner child. Otherwise you will continue to neglect yourself and thus remain a magnet to narcissists, upholding this cycle of abuse.

This is exactly what happens. You need to hava a reference point, we need to feel comfortable, have clear identity so when you meet a toxic person, you listen to your body and intuition and start feeling emoowered instead of feeling helpless and hopeless. Thank you Michelle.

WOW, so on point!!! I live this for months and it destroyed me. Never again!!!

Wow, this is so accurate about parenting style... Thank you for your work!!

One of my favorite activities is watching movies. My parents and I would bond by watching movies together and quoting them to each other later in conversation. When I lived with my abusive ex, my video library was largely boxed up and stored in the basement in a room we didn't regularly use. I was made to feel ashamed of not only of picking through my movie collection, but for merely being in the room where that collection was stored. When I was called to fetch something from the basement, I would sometimes sneak a look at that source of passion and entertainment that had been abandoned. ... of course I would get yelled at for lingering too long downstairs...

She litterally crushed every single one of my special interest and adopted them, she ended up telling me things I had taught her like she knew better than I did. I didn't really react to it because I don't feel threatened bu someone who knows better than I do and I was so focused on not being the jerk she kept telling me I was that I saw nothing as it was unfolding. I blinded myself by the belief that people could not be this dishonest and manipulative, my own egocentric traits had me thinking I was invincible.

Seems like using the "gas" is just a game for the cerebral narc who is perpetually bored. Object constancy, boring. Loyalty, boring. Not lying, boring. Not projecting, boring. Not manipulating, boring. Not causing someone emotional distress, boring. Not abusing every societal norm, boring. Not idealizing, triangulating & discarding, yep....boring. Like riding a bike, you wont forget to put your foot down before you fall (for it again). I really liked this vlog. It's amazing what the right person can convey in a few minutes.

Michelle I just personally want to say thank you. I think you are beautiful in the way are education people on this form of abuse. Some of us are so clueless and blind until we see stuff like this. Stuff that opens our eyes up to the truth and the hurt that has fallen on us. I send my love your way thank you for your videos!!

I've never felt more validated by your description of my mother. God bless you❤

Watching this video has really opened up my eyes. I am on stage 7, and just recently was made aware that the way I have been treated by this person is wrong and abusive. I am focusing on healing and working on myself. I currently can't get away from this person but I can learn about healthy relationships and not fall prey to their manipulation and abuse anymore! Thank you!

Well I dropped out of school in 11th grade so this is going to be nearly impossible... from the age of 16 I've never been independent enough to consider myself ..Free to think about me. Michele made it so clear, that even I understand it. But awareness feels more painful than anything a Narc could do . So you may ask yourself why do I come back to Michele's videos if they're painful? I can't put it to words.. But I can give an example ..Yesterday I laid in the grass looking up at the clouds with sun rays shining through .. my mind was empty .. It took me back to my childhood. Everyday from Sunrise to sunset I would spend at a pond fishing and trying to catch frogs..I was alone..I was happy..That is the feeling I had yesterday looking at the clouds..Free ..hope and excitement of becoming what ever I wanted.. I may make a real fool of myself spilling out my emotions like a 10 year old girl ..But it works ...

This is the best explanation of how I felt when I was with my ex. Thank you for this video. It helps me getting an understanding of what happened from an objective perspective. The more I understand about the psychology behind these things the more I can work towards no longer blaming and hating myself for being in the situation I was in.

Thank you for making this video ! I was abused by a diagnosed narcissist and was so stuck in the self blame and the renumerating of the events . He convinced me that I was defective and not worthy . It’s taken years to slowly restore me to the old me

Something about the examples you give through real life scenarios (that I’ve all been through), really has brought things to light for me & is helping me gather the strength to leave for good. He constantly tells me that I’m not a good person and points out all “my” flaws. When I say “why are you the only person in my life who thinks this way about me?” He says “maybe they just haven’t told you”

Thank you Michele. This is an anxiety and resentment provoking topic but your way of delivery is not triggering those emotions for me.

You described it very well, and freely. I shall tell you what was most painful for me : to realize it's my own parent who did to me what to enemies would be done.

I've been at stage 7 for years but it seems as if there is a reset button for the entire cycle of all these levels to repeat. Michelle, past 3 years I dont know how I would have handled my very toxic marriage without your wisdom and knowledge. I tell everyone to watch your videos. Those who need your help that is. XOXs Luv!!!

Thank you. Finding your content was what started my healing. 7 months ago I went no contact and hated myself. I was at my lowest, and 2019 had already done a number on me due to the exposure to the person that triggered all my fawning, sld/codependency, anxious attachment, abandonment fears etc. I thought breaking contact with them would be the hardest but the months after were. Self harm, screaming and crying and throwing things. I was nothing but anger with myself and immense shame and grief. I'm in an emotional/mental place ive spent my entire life believing I could never ever get to, and this is only the start of healing. It is so incredibly hard. It's so painful. But it is worth it. Getting to know myself for the first time in 26 years.

You’re so awesome! Thank you for helping us. You’re a beacon of light in a world of darkness. And, I have a theory that the really malignant narcissists target individuals who are strong, successful and have a mind of their own because then, if they break you, they feel supremely powerful. Fortunately, I knew what all these things were before they started happening so I recognized it. Because of earth angels like you!

You have 1000% hit the nail on the head. This was MY LIFE every day!

"emotional Munchhausen by proxy." Right on the money.

This video is waking me up and giving me strength.

Incredible .. I’m stuck in quarantine and my brother is doing just that to me. His partner always tells me he see’s nothing wrong in his behavior towards me, and that makes me feel like he wants to allow it as well. It’s been hell. I’ve been keeping my distance and not reacting to him at all, but somehow he always finds the way to say I did something wrong, and triangulates me with his partner. His partner apologized several times saying I’m not the person my brother always wants to portray me as, but then acts like nothing ever happened. It’s crazy, when I’ve successfully avoided him for long periods of time, he looks tired and depleted, and I always say to myself ... “oh boy, he needs to feed on me cause he’s going to snap”. That’s exactly when he figures out how to come at me, and then he looks better for some days. I feel living with a crazy person, and an accomplice.

Wow.. this all happened to me.. I had already been watching vids like this and could start to see what type of relationship I was in. He did the whole 'I am really worried about you' stuff implying I was nuts. So, I began to see a pyschologist and told him so. Boy has he been quiet and very nice ever since. He knows that I am now observing him (and he is textbook narc.. sooo fun to observe) and that I have him worked out. He still comes around as he is using my landlord (a mutual friend) to do stuff for him as he has every tool under the sun.. loving it.

My covert comes right out and tells me I’m crazy,nuts. I’m in group therapy she refuses to go. Then tells me I don’t see that I’m crazy. But, she does!! This is my wife by the way.

Omg!! You've just described my entire childhood,with my mother and father...I was the eldest and the scapegoat child.. also attracted the same type of people growing up...could never understand what was wrong with me...until I went 'no contact' for 3 years now,theres still immense pain which i am processing,but I am finally free...Thank you so much Michele for your channel and amazing work,you are a true lightworker😊

I've experienced alot of gaslighting on and off youtube . Michele thanks for covering these topics ! I was accused of being married , that I was a beta & someone named John slept with my wife ! I was like wtf ?

Thank you so much for this video! Every single thing you have mentioned rings true for me! I feel vindicated in knowing that it really wasn't me all this time. I wasn't the one who was causing problems or the one who was always to blame even though they still try to accuse me of such things. Please make a video on how to get to know yourself again after distancing yourself from toxic families like this. I have no idea who I am anymore. It is disturbing. I try to find joy in things and it is so difficult and bizarre because I've been on the defensive mode and blocking the pain for so long that I have lost touch with myself and the beauty of this world. xoxo

Thank you Michelle. We have to have a reference point, we have to have our core identity and we have to trust ourselves, we have to take responsibility for our own lives and do not give power over our lives to any outside forces.

They are paid to stalk you and it don't matter. Do not give them love, sex, convo or a response.

YOU ARE SO BRILLIANT!!! thank you , I cannot believe you can "SEE" into this behavior so well!!!!

Nailed it! I’m grateful you were able to put it into order!

My narc ex used to gaslight me among other things. However I'm seeing my mother in your examples. She's always gaslighted me, now I can see that. She's even said that I've created a whole alternative reality. Now I can see it clearly and not fall for it.

it is all so true (& sad...)....- that's what happens when being with narcissists... But thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, insights with us - it is so helpful & it's bringing so needed understanding & hope*** Thank you, Michele 🙏

I wish that I had known this years ago …. 😢 I have continually fallen into the covert narcissists in my life … their tricks traps and manipulation tactics ….Thank you so much for these videos… they are life changing… 🙏❤️

Thank you so much for all your help and kindness! Your videos have saved my life!

Stage 1: they set you up to have a warped narrative (goal is to get you to think there’s something wrong with you acting like they’re ‘helping you’) Stage 2&3: repetition. Now nothing you do is right but they’re tryna ‘help you be a better person’ so now you’re trying harder but nothing is enough. You’re constantly on the defense. You still have a good hold on your reality and then you say something about how u feel and instead of responding in a healthy way- they escalate, deny and say stuff like “I’m just trying to help you” “you can’t take criticism”. Not only are they holding firm to the belief that somethings wrong with you, but now they’re accusing you of starting trouble and causing drama. Now you’re trying harder to show them your truth. Since you don’t want to be seen like something you’re not you continue. Stage 4: you get worn down. You did so much to prove that you’re not what you’re being accused of, but your being met with further invalidation and further denial. They will twist the convo and make it think it’s your fault in a way that it’s scary. By the time you finish the argument you don’t even remember what the original topic was. You start to feel helpless. You start to put so much emphasis on the other person’s point of view and diminishes their own in their own eyes. Stage 5: they begin their hurt and rescue missions. They will give you severe anxiety and wait until you are absolutely devastated from the hurt and pain, they will rescue you with a tiny brief morsel of care. What they are creating is a co-dependent relationship between you to them. (Like munchhausen by proxy- they will hurt their child and then save their child while they are the ones provoking the illness) when victim is at this stage, it doesn’t matter what anyone says, they can’t get through to you. The only person with the power to get through to you is the toxic person but they use it to hurt you. Stage 6: false hope. When you finally have one foot out the door, the narcissist will show a morsel of care to make you think that maybe there’s hope. To get you to think that maybe everything will get better. Stage 7: loss of complete control to the toxic person. At this stage they are in control of everything, your passions your dreams joys, money, everything. When you wake up are you excited or waking on eggshells? When you think of doing something for yourself that makes you feel good, so you have to hide? Does that person have the ability to control your emotions? Do they have that power? Making you feel like they are in control of your emotions? Do you feel like not only did you stop being who you were but now you’re slowly taking on their toxic traits and they’re somehow swapping personality’s and showing traits you has in the past. Swim your ass back away from drifting deeper into that ocean. It’s legit an ocean tho. See yourself through your own eyes instead of how someone wants you to be. That way if you ever meet someone like this again, you will know yourself well enough to not allow yourself to go into that. You been hurt enough, there’s no reason for you to hurt you ♥️

Spot on . Projecting their discomfort on their target. Gas lighting . I get this. Trust yourself. Yes.Hurt n rescue. Breadcrumbs. I am not secured. I'm not safe. IAM who I am ; they're the problem.

Wow, this brought me back to the early dating stage with my husband. I just finished singing with my band at the time and there was an audience question session. Had a fun back and forth, laughing and engaging - really enjoyed myself. Afterwards he said to me, with a straight face, “You play the dingbat quite well.” Made me self conscience, like, did I come across as ditzy? SMDH.

This is an amazing detailed breakdown of how the narcissist steals your sanity. I was at that 7th stage but before i got there my family and i had one good friend who intervened and stood up for me and helped me. I was seeing the toxicity but still couldn't get away from it. I finally realized if i didn't get away this deteriorization of my mental health was going to possibly destroy my career and finances and my life. I made the choice one day to end it, so i blocked everything social media , cell phone. And even though it was the hardest thing i ever had to do , i maintained no contact. I'm at 8 months now and even though i still think of the ex narc, i see things so much more clearly as to how bad and toxic of a situation i was in. I will never go back. It was horrible, a sin to what i had to deal with. Nobody ever should have to go through that.

to go through all possible shades of gaslighting without getting crazy is only possible with a lot of self-control, self-awareness, and a few good people that remind you of who you are. I don´t know why but I took screenshots of chats with her what also helped me to prove what is said and what is not. A repeated broken promise to be there at an appointed time is also some kind of gaslighting especially when they deny to said so came up with lame excuses all the time. A permanent accusation of being angry, sad, negative, lazy, stupid, unattractive, impolite, jealous, crazy, etc. causes a lot of brain fog. They even switch the sense of your statements claiming you to insult, attack, and so on. Gaslighting is an insidious weapon and the damage it can inflict is not to underrate.

Thank You. My 48 year old daughter has severely gas lighted me over three years.

Thank you Michele. Your explanation made so much sense and I’ve been there before. God bless you and all survivors of narcissist abuse! It’s the real deal! June 1st was national narc awareness day💪🏽❤️🙏🏽

EXCELLENT ADVICE.....YOU ARE HELPING PEOPLE TO REALIZE WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THEM BY GETTING THEM TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.....ABOUT WHO IS REALLY IN CONTROL...VERY HELPFUL....THANK YOU.

Thank you. You have confirmed everything that has happened. Answers to your question would be YES. I am divorcing the narc but lockdown and sale of the family home is holding things back. I have successfully slammed the door but he is still grooming my daughters easily because he has cancer. ❤❤

I've been lied to, decieved, manipulated, like anyone else...the only one in my life who ever gaslit me to the definition was my ex father. It was disturbing and the first experience where someone was trying to warp my truths and reality. Its amazing the brashness, like their reality delusion spell they try and cast.

My Wife developed a relationship with the Justice if the Peace and Sheriffs Dept. She would secretly call them making up stories so awful it literally caused an investigation. In fact she was able to get Law enforcement to join in her gaslighting campaign. I was framed taken to jail. On the way deputies took me out in the desert and put a gun to my head pulled the trigger to terrify me. How in the world was she able to pull that off. I don't have a chance.

Love your work Michelle, when changing careers I moved in with covert N mother (& codep father) out of curiosity of how codependency became a problem in my life. I went on to find great resources like this to understand that and as well as the biggest mistake ever made to rely on them for shelter. The most relevant coaching I have heard for me thank you - fixate on the beach reference point for who I am - strengthen self identity, self love, heal wounds. This is most important day to day because the psychological assault never stops in the broken home even from a mother. Someday soon no contact for sure, your shared experiences here has given me much hope Michelle!

U r my literal saviour when I raised my heart to my support groups as soon as I asked for support, not have it they shunned me as soon as mentioned what is really going to with me...uving with a Malignant cover narsissist! I'm out I've got nuthin just be and u to keep me sane and alive survival until I can leave.... U have no idea how slowly he got rid of my financial means of escape. Where can I get help and support to escape... For myself and myself.. I'm an artist, a sculptor and photographer and performer and good but I'm disabled... I don't know anymore I am devastated by both my support groups within days of each other left me on my own.... Thank u so much for your beautiful support xxx

An example of this. I had a long relationship with a guy. Over time I realized that I really wasn't accepted by his family of origin. I would try to start a conversation and could tell no one was really interested in what I had to say. I asked him why I wasn't feeling accepted and felt like an outcast. He told me that I didn't talk enough. I.e. It was My fault I couldn't make them like me. Rid of that mooch because I finally realized he enjoyed watching me Beg and squirm. It will leave you feeling raw. Our narc parents set us up for this treatment. And I truly believe that they were nothing short of evil.

I don’t know who else this may resonate with, but ill put it out there anyway. The gaslighting was so bad for me, that I could never see “who” she really was or “what” she was doing. But thank God, when we got married, her true self came out immediately! I know it was a awful time to find out. But I’m also glad that the Lords union through marriage was so strong, that her mask fell off to a point that was unmistakable.. it was the worst year of my life trying to move on. NEVER, EVER, EVER identify them as a narcissist. This only makes the Hoover’s that much worse. They know how to turn up the attraction, pity, abuse, guilt, blame and more! So please, if you are reading this, and you have any kind of red flags or doubt in your mind, DO NOT MARRY THEM!!! Finally, just to prove how bad this is. We are divorced now (bc i refused to put myself at a life long risk) and she still calls me-from foreign numbers that she somehow knows how to redirect past my blocked features. And when i notice its her text, just be strong and do not read the text... its going to be hard, but its best for you

Thank u for helping me to understand after so many years,I was trying to understand why,my perents did what they did.

Yes. I’ve been through all of this and felt all of that. After my divorce, i finally I feel at peace with myself. 🙂

Somewhere between cheering and rocking out ! Thank you!🙏

What you said about the personality swap is so spot on please make a video on that. I felt that u had such a quiet confidence before him and then I became the most insecure person I’ve ever met and he become calm and confident like I was. If you already have a video on this let me know.

You are brilliant Michele! This is so helpful.

well said and so True Michelle..thanks for makin us survivors realise somthin so imp..i love ur videos..thanks for bein our Life coach..alll our life coaches running ds chanels are beautifull people wth beautifull hearts... Ur doin a good job.. Stay Blessed🥰

I know I somehow picked up the toxic traits from my abusers something I'm not proud of .

That's my two perents!

Sometimes, I find myself coming back here, on this channel and on Little Shaman's channel. It's like my fingers have a will of themselves. And now I realise that this is a sign: if I am here, it means that recently I have dealed with a narcissist person. And now, like a wounded animal, I instinctively go to the river to drink water and look for the herbs to heal myself. When everything is fine in my life, I simply don't find any reason to come back here, and if I do, it's just to search for information to help a friend. But most of the time, when I come back here is because I feel the need to remember how these people's minds work. And I feel the need to remember that I am not crazy.

Hit the nail on the head with this one Michele!! Thank you :) 🔥

I love your content💛

Thank you Michele for all your videos, I'm stuck in a relationship that is so toxic he does exactly what you talked about ,he gets violent most the time when ever he is called out or ask a question from me and he will turn the focus on me where I totally forget what the heck I ask him and now I'm the one in the wrong . I want out so bad but I don't know how to leave its his house my car and most everything in the house is mine ,but he will not let me leave and if he does he won't allow me to take anything and threatens to destroy everything of mine if I do leave .

I’m in stage 7, I’ve drifted far away from land, and sadly the only thing/person that can save me is her. These type of people (narcissist) are the most sweet, great, loving “potential filled people” but their based foundation was ruined early on in life so as depressing as it is, you will only hurt yourself emotionally, mentally and possibly physically the further down the road you go with him/her.. save your sanity and your life .. literally.. I don’t know how much more I can take myself, my mental health has depleted and my back is against the wall and don’t know what to think next. Save yourself - love

Michele, your content is simply amazing! Thank you so much for all these wonderful messages. I absolutely love your channel. 💜🙏

Definitely my biological mother, my younger sister and ex "best friend". It'd been a whirlwind of toxic people. I have lost everything. Rock bottom.

They pick at you piece by piece, gotta be on guard all the time around them. Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries. The ex would say to me that my friends weren’t good for me and that they didn’t act like they cared about me. Hero complex is a big RED FLAG! We are a year out from divorce and he has continually reached out to talk and heal the way things ended, mind you he was engaged only a few months after our divorce

When someone was rude to me, my husband would say "What did you DO to her"?" as if I caused or deserved the rudeness.

When confronted, my Mom always said,”I didn’t say that, you must have heard wrong”. She always compared me with my close friends. She also targeted my weaknesses. She would comment to my friends how weak and can easily get sick and cannot do my house hold chores. The way she says is very very acceptable or compelling. Getting respect from friends was very difficult. She did the same with my in laws. I heard her talk to my husband. That was the first time I questioned myself silently, Why would she do this? After this my Husband changed. It was arranged marriage and I lost his respect. It took several years to get him around.

Wow, my husband is not a narc but his mom was a covert narcissist. My husband had gotten very involved in gaslighting me to get me to join in the narcissistic family cult and to avoid having to get involved when his mother inflicted narc abuse on the kids or on me. I am still figuring all this out because I only realized MIL was a narc a few years ago... Right after she got a stage 4 cancer diagnosis. She used that diagnosis to her full advantage. Initially I had hoped she would change her ways but no, she did the typical narc thing and got worse. My poor husband told me he was holding out hope that his mom would take these, her last days, and use them to become the mother she never was to him. It was heartbreaking. She would treat him like absolute crap and then wait several weeks and lure him back in, invite him over or buy us dinner, ect. He fell for it every time, grasping onto that futile hope that she would change. She never did. Just a month and a half before she died she played one more ugly trick on our 12 year old daughter whom MIL was jealous of, leaving my child the only granchild who never got a special handmade gift she made for all the rest of them. Somehow she got away with this cruelty.

Thank you for this very insightful explanation and for breaking it down specifically in order for those of us who have experienced it to relate! Grateful!

For years, my wife would constantly say to me tbings such as, " Why do you walk like that?", "Why do you sit like that?", "Why do you eat like that?" It drove me crazy! Made me self-conscious.

Better days ahead ✌️❤️

Thank you. Because of your videos i was able to get out of a very abusive relationship. 3 years on I'm ready to start dating again xxx

They will also call you delusional! Run!!!!

Wow, Thank you. Please talk more about this and make more examples. Please show use to spot this when it is happening and show what to do about it. Best wishes

THIS WAS MY EX. I am so glad that I finally got away from him! I didn't know there was a word for this behavior, but it took me 3 years to recognize these characteristics.