7 things NOT to say to someone who is grieving (and what to say instead) + A Persona Update 

You are all amazing and I am so thankful for your support. xoxo What are some of the things people have said that you found helpful? Or other ways people could offer support? Let's keep sharing what's helpful! xoxo

I lost my husband of 20 years last year. I have two small kids so they lost their amazing dad. It’s been nonstop stress. Hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. Missing my best friend every single day.

When I lost my father a friend said to me: "I'm sorry you're going through this. It will get worse for a little while but it will get better after. I promise." He was right and it helped me a lot.

"Anyone who has lost a love one knows that you don't recover. Instead you learn to incorporate their absence and memories into your life and channel your emotional energy toward others and eventually, your grief will walk beside you instead of consuming you." Rashida Rowe

I have heard this said to me when my mother died: "You're an adult, get over it." That is one of the worst things you can tell anyone who has lost a parent. It doesn't matter if the son or daughter is a child, teenager or adult. We feel the loss of our parents. Terrible thing to say.

My Dad died suddenly when I was 4 yrs old and an aunt said to me ‘God needs your father more then you’. That planted a feeling of being abandoned that took me decades to shed. Be very careful to what is said to a child.

A year after my mom passed away, someone told me I should be over the grieving. I wasn't, and that was really hurtful to put an expiration date on my grief. It took me years to start to feel ok about it, but I'm still grieving. I think the statement "if you need anything let me know" is disingenuous. It puts the responsibility on the person that is grieving to reach out. Checking in on them and just being there is a better option but if it's a close friend you know what they need and would be easier for them to reach out

I’ve been grieving the loss of my best friend so thank you for this. She was 92 and my next door neighbor, but she was my best friend I loved her more than anyone.

Thanks for this. I’m 20 and my dad died from a motorcycle accident in September, my cats died soon after, and so did my grandmother. My older brother also passed away three years ago and it’s always so strange dealing with others. People often don’t know what say and they’re trying. But often, the comments can feel empty.

my therapist who was like a family member to me died a few weeks ago, and i miss her so much. i’m still grieving, and i feel so lost without her, but your videos give me so much comfort. so i just wanted to say thank you for your videos, your kind voice and amazing personality always bring me a little peace.❤️

“It’s weird isn’t? Are you alright?” and “Ah crap, that is shit” are two of the things said to me when I lost a friend, who was 28, to cancer. Both helped as it made me realise they felt it too (even though they had a clumsy way of putting it!) and they were happy to listen. I’ve done the same with my friend who’s just lost family. Asking them what there Dad did for work, hobbies, that sort of thing. I think it helps to talk about lost ones. I know I relish the chance to to tell folk about people who I thought were great but are no longer around. And I’m always here if you need a chat. Maybe you could tell us about the stages of grief? And I’d love to hear about your Grandmother. Tell us about her if it helps.

My dad has died recently and my family still in grieving time. Thank you for this video ❤

When my brother was diagnosed recently with stage 4 lung cancer, a pastor friend said that this is really a good thing because it will bring the family closer to God. He also said that this will give us all a deeper understanding of the death experience. I was horrified and not sure I will ever get over that lack of understanding and compassion.

I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma. My dad died recently and this video was very helpful. Grief is so difficult 😞

There is a lady in my grief support group that says, "This to shall pass". This gets on my last nerve! Grief never passes. It changes but never goes completely away! I lost both my parents, brother and most recently my 29 year old son. What do you think about this comment?

"Grief is an expression of love". Grants permission to feel and express that grief.

Kati, what you're doing is really meaningful and precious to me. Everything you say tugs at my heartstrigs and sounds so in tune with how I feel.

I personally don’t like “I’m sorry for your loss” as a response because it feels like they’re saying that just to say it and that they don’t really care. Again, this is a personal opinion and it might be because of my past experiences with grief.

My most vivid memory of my dad's funeral was one of my boy scout leaders, who had recently lost his dad as well, coming up to me, looking me straight in the eyes, and simply saying "It *sucks*" with the full weight of his own grief. He wasn't explaining that he knew how I felt. He was acknowledging that wherever I was in grief... it was a place of tremendous pain and that it must feel truly awful. I was 13 at the time, and after hearing so many "I'm sorry for your losses" it meant so much for an adult to just be candid with me. I don't know if other people would feel the same way if that was said to them, but I think there really is something to someone simply acknowledging how shitty a situation is that helps lighten the crushing feelings even a little.

I had someone say to me when I lost my son he’s in a better place I wanted to stab that person wtf says that to a mom sending u love and a hug mama 🥲🥲🥲💜💜💜🙏🙏🙏🤣

The one I hated the most was "They're in a better place now." It cut me in so many ways. My mom loved her kids and we loved her. How was a place where we were not with her better? One of the nicest things I heard after the loss of my brother, who had schizophrenia, was that his soul was free of that and will receive a higher place in heaven. PLEASE! When someone loses a furkid, don't act like the age of their pet shocks you. Just because they had their pet 12, 15 or 18 years does not mean the pet lived too long. Or imply that. Yes, that may be a long time but it wasn't long enough. The most comforting thing I was told after losing a pet and what I share with others now was The pain is in equal proportion to the joy they gave.

I was 32 when my husband died. The comment I heard most from people was, "You're young. You'll get married again." It was like a knife going into my broken heart.

Oh Kati ❤️ I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma. I also thank you for this video because despite losing a number of loved ones I never know what to say other than I’m so sorry. I’ve also told people that the pain is unreal but that it will get easier as time goes on. When my brother died, right before I woke up by the coroner knocking on my door, my brother came to me and told me, “it’s not going to be easy but I promise that you will eventually be okay” when I opened the door I immediately asked the coroners investigator how my brother died. This was before he identified himself. He asked if someone called me and I said no, but my brother came to me. The man lost the color in his face and asked to sit down. I don’t think many people believe that my brother came to me but he did.

A woman told me that her 100 year old mother passed away...and her neighbor said..."Oh, she finally died?" I told her I was sorry she made that insensitive comment...and that we are NEVER ready to say goodbye and I was sorry for her loss......

I lost my daughter at 24 weeks and the most important thing for me has always been people acknowledging that sometimes the time you have together does not always=the depth and importance of your relationship together Thanks Kati

When my daughter passed away, one “friend” said: “be glad you have a big family. (My parents and only sibling have passed….2 in devastating ways). You have 2 other children. Think about me…..I only have one daughter and if something happened to her I would have no other child”. Needless to say, I can forgive her total ignorance and lack of empathy, but have written that woman out of my life!

I had a guy who I hadn’t spoken too since high school DM me about 4 days after my mom passed. He asked me out on a date and when I told him the circumstances of no, he then proceeded to say “well when you get over that, let me know” Glad to say I blocked him immediately

We love you Kati! #4 pissed me off especially when my aunt died at 51. She had so much life left in her and I was so angry that cancer took her too soon.

I have been married twice and both of my partners have died in my arms. The pain was and still is unbearable but I consider myself fortunate that I was there at the time. I could not sleep for weeks until I had some very good advice from my local GP. She said the reason for my not sleeping was that I was frightened that when I awoke I would have forgotten the last words we had spoken together. she told to sit down and write down everything I could remember about those last few hours. Every word, every action. touch scent and so on. When I felt I had finished to put it an envelope, seal it and put it away safely so that I could read it anytime if I so wished. It did help and I would recommend it to any one who is grieving for their partner.

I lost a coworker to covid in 2021 and I can remember going to her funeral and just being so emotional not even for me but for her sister. I didn't have the words to really say but I hugged her and she squeezed me so tight back as if that was just what she needed. As I was leaving out I was saying my good-byes and my supervisor came and gave me a warm hug and I don't know if he just knew but I just became overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes a hug (in certain situations) is perfect. It's just your way of saying, "I'm here."

I appreciate this so much. When my grandma died, I had a really hard time and still am. There were things said to me that still haunt me, but they came from someone who didn't have good intentions. On a more positive note, a coworker randomly started playing/singing Que Será, Será at work the next day. My grandma sang that song all the time. This person had no idea and never played it around me before

Love this video. Also a reminder to those who feel ashamed to grieve someone who isn’t deceased: it’s okay, you can grieve someone who you’ve lost who hasn’t passed. Grief doesn’t only apply to those who have lost someone to death. Grief is defined as “deep sorrow” or a “response to loss.” Any loss is a loss.

Ironically enough I just sent a compassionate message to a grieving friend today. Glad I chose good words for them.

I didn't know you had lost your Grandma - I've been off the grid for a while - I am so, so sorry for your loss. Today was the 4th anniversary of my Mum's passing, & I am still grieving. Please don't worry about us, on RU-vid - take gentle care of yourself, in your own time. Love to you & your family. xoxo

My husband died a year ago. I so agreed with your list of "what not to say." It still brings comfort to me when some says "I'm sorry for your loss." One statement I don't care for at all is "Life will get better". I still can't imagine my future without him so how in the world will my life be better without him?

I find that saying ‘’I ‘m so sorry for your loss’’ has been used so much in the last few years, that it has sort of lost its impact.

My roommate killed herself in September. We’re both nurses. I should have taken time off to grieve but didn’t. I kept her dog, who helped me keep Lindsay’s memory alive. Doggy is actively dying and I gotta make those decisions real fast. Im a mess. I take good meds, in therapy, etc but I’m scared to let her go.

Thank you so very much Katie… I appreciate the years that you have ALREADY dedicated to helping so many people through your platform. Refreshingly authentic! Wishing you health, comfort and wellness.

Thank you for this. I am the most awkward person at the funeral home and I never know what to say. My condolences on your recent loss.

When my father died, many people would tell me how much they loved and appreciated him. It was a testimony to him and a kind way of support.

When my mom passed away two years ago I've been told a lot of this kind of stuff. Sometimes people's words were so awkward or stupid it's hard to believe. I think people just don't know what is appropriate to say (or not say) because we kind of avoid the topic of death in our daily lives and we're not educated to deal with. So, your video is really important.

My older brother passed on 04/04/22 he was 31 years old. Thank you for this. One foot Infront of the other , til we meet again. 😓

"I'm sorry for your loss" is awesome in its simplicity. I've experienced the effect of it in both directions. I think I'd combine it with the second half of your favorite and say, "I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm here for you" and be available to listen to whatever they need to say about the one they lost or how they're feeling. (I agree with what you said about "I know how you feel," but "I can't imagine how you feel" sounds to me like they could be saying they don't want to know or couldn't relate.)

I always struggled at what words to say, and then one day I just said, "There are no words I can say to easy your pain, but know I understand your grief."

'You're so strong" And then they were gone. Yeah, I've hid my emotions for so long that you have no idea what I feel!

I loved hearing stories about my Mom and oddly I really felt comfort when hearing stories of how other people's families had passed, I thought that was kind of an odd one. My Mom is the first person I physically witnessed pass away and we had a very special experience--hospice nurses are angels. But just hearing another person's process really helped me feel not alone. The moments of grief shift. Times I just think about her just to hold on to every bit of memories that I possibly can. My Mom and I used to go do things together of course and I've thought about maybe going and still doing those things as if she was still there and spending that time every once in a while and imagining that she's there. It sounds a little sad when I think about it, but I do like the idea of doing little things that we did together while thinking about her to dedicate time holding her in my heart. I miss my Mom so much

As a medical doctor, it's so important to be able to break bad news or comfort people. I am surrounded by a lot of religious/spiritual people at work, so I usually just wish them comfort and ease through this difficult time with prayers and support. The dead people are gone to whatever afterlife is real but being compassionate to the people who are left behind is what's important. Sometimes just being present when a family is grieving is enough

Thanks ❤🌹🙏From India

One of the most sincere reactions came from a girl, I believe 15/16 at the time, “oh, I’m so sorry for you, I know how close you two were.”. My mom very suddenly passed away in 2007 at 57, I still remember some awful things said to me. One of my cousins said “maybe it was for the best, she had no man, no grandkids, was looking for a job, what did she have left to live for”. (loosely translated from Dutch) I hated her for it, severed contact not too long after. Who says that?! Another was a random person who came up to me while we were clearing her apartment, to say they had already inquired about the apartment with the rental company, after reading the obituary. Slightly less grating was the coworker casually saying “hey, my condolences.”, while walking past my office. Not even walking in. As if he mentioned the weather. At that point, it’s better to not say anything. The “you’re so strong” comments are incredibly annoying. To me it’s almost like they’re saying “you look like you can deal with it on your own, you don’t need my support.”. I’ve heard it so often, and kept most of my pain compartmentalized and went back to work far too soon. We’re not very religious in my area, but one thing that used to be said a lot when my mom was still alive, and she had heard too often was “God calls those that are dearest to him.” Not a good thing to say, especially to parents losing a kid, or a kid losing a parent.

It totally sucks because I hate all of these as well, but I also cannot think of one single thing you can say to anyone that's just had someone they truly love die. There are literally no words.

Great video, between my husband and myself, in the last 10 years we have lost 12 people close to us, from parents, best friends, and extended family. The lateest being my brother unexpectedly 6 months ago. Having only delt with loss of distant family years ago, i had not experenced real grief until my bff passed, followed by my mother a year later. Since then 10 years ago, to this latest loss, i have found i grieve very different every time. This latest being the absolute hardest. Unexpected passing of someone so close has me all messed up. I do find i hid my grief, and shut down....aside from my husband sometimes. I agree with "im so sorry for your loss" that for me is the best to recieve, as i dont want to talk about it, and it keeps me from having to have any real response, and with having had so much loss, and being a very empathetic person. I truly mean it when i say it to someone. But if you do mean what you say by "let me know if i can do anything" Just do something, dont say that, because the state they are in they are not going to ask. Ask around to people close to them, see if you can make a meal, watch the kids, clean, or just send flowers or a coffee. Just do something dont ask. And definetly dont say it if you dont mean it.

Thank you Kati! It hasn't even been a year since my Mom committed suicide and my Brother doesn't understand why I am still so sad about it. He actually said "motherfuckers kill themselves everyday! You need to move on with your life!" Unreal!?! How can he be so insensitive???

I lost my youngest son in November of 2020 to suicide. Shortly after he passed I had an ex coworker ask me how old he was and when I told her he had just turned 30, she said, "well at least you had him for 30 years". That was a horrible, horrible thing to say. I'm sure she was trying to be comforting but it was not. It was just ignorant and hurtful. So add that to list of shit not to say.

I wish this could be taught in a life skills class in high schools. Some emotional intelligence classes would be so helpful… so many situations we ALL face could truly benefit us. It could be taught in a way that makes space for people’s religious beliefs without discussing the particulars of a person’s religion.

I've lost my dad and maybe one person was really supportive and respectful with their words, a lot of other people were so weird and uncomfortable to talk about it, which is interesting because death touches all of us, yet no one seems educated about it and knows how to deal with it or properly support who is grieving.

I've been irritated for a long time at people saying ''They're in a better place'' as if they know for sure what happens following death. For all we know they could be burning in Hell. Hate to be morbid but I just despise these assumptions.

One thing I've found, having sadly lost both parents now, is that after the funeral is over people will stop talking about the person you've lost. I believe it comes from a good place, they don't want to upset you, but it feels strange. I truly believe that nobody is completely gone while they still live on in memories and some of the most healing times are sharing stories about that person, daft or deep it doesn't matter. Just talking about them helps.

Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. Just be present and utterly available.

You released this video on the day of my friend's funeral. It couldn't have been better times for me, finding this today. Thank you.

Excellent video Someone asked me if I thought I would ever get married again two days after my husband’s funeral. I know it was that they didn’t want me to be alone but totally not good question. My husband was 34 and we were happily married 10 years when he passed by Suicide.

My dog died in December and I'm still devastated. I miss him so much. People say to me you should get a new dog. They just don't get it.

When my MIL passed my husband was devastated. I would just bring him a soda or glass of water, sit next to him and ask him if he wanted to talk about her or just sit together and remember her. It was 50/50. Sometimes we would just tell funny stories, sometimes we would just cry.

One that was hard to hear a few months after my husband died was, "now you can do what you want to do and not have to compromise". We were a team, compromise was not a burden for us.

Sometimes when you are grieving, you miss talking about your loved one! Some visitors just do not mention the person, like they never existed, due to not knowing what to say! I cherished the sweet remembrances!

Just two weeks ago my oldest sibling passed, my older sister. Not even a year ago, my father passed. My adult son has severe heart failure at 15% ef and he is constantly suffering and that just wrecks me. I am dealing with 30% lung function COPD and I'm way past any false belief. I know what makes sense to me, especially when I constantly struggle just for oxygen, just to breathe. I've really held myself together after many years of my loved ones suffering and their failing health. My truth that bears out is that I hold so much honor and respect for my life now, as it is, is that as I live, I learn, my understanding evolves, and my appreciation for life itself deepens. When I interact with anyone, my first feeling is empathy. How are they doing? Hope they're ok.

I would add that "If there is anything I can do..." is so overused that it genuinely gets old hearing it. It's a very empty phrase too because it burdens the grieving person with thinking of a suggestion for you AND burdens them with asking too which they likely won't. Instead offer something yourself such as "I'll bring you dinner on Thursday." MOST IMPORTANTLY be there for them in weeks and months AFTER the funeral. There is such a floodgate of support in the immediate aftermath of the loss and it then vanishes after the funeral which can be a difficult transition.

When my husband died 9 yrs ago I can only remember 2 things people said to me that were actually helpful. The first was "grief is too big to go around. You just have to go through it."I don't know why but that actually really helped me. The second was someone giving me the advice that when someone asks what they can do to help to tell them check on me in 6 months when every one else is over it and gone back to normal and I'm still stuck in hell. On the list of things not to say I'll add "take it one day at a time". A day is a long long time when you're grieving. The most painful thing anyone ever said to me was "don't you wish now you guys had children." I'm child free by choice and was sterilized yeard before I ever even met my husband. No I don't wish now that we had children. In fact the only thing I can think of that would be worse than the situation I'm in is trying to be in that same situation while trying to care for children.

A little over a year and I still can barely breathe when I think about my Dad. I loved him more than anyone in the world. I miss him so much.

I don't find the comments like "If there is anything I can do to help . . ." being helpfull at all. I've been there, I've needed help, and "they" were absent. You can't really mean it, so don't say it. A few years ago, when my wife of 52 years passed away, someone said to me (something like) "My heart aches for you. A small spark of her life's flame will live within your heart forever!"

You do have some valid points, but I sure wouldn't want you being my grief counselor. You seem to have a real problem with "religion." Well, I think that that's your problem and you really need to deal with that. My beliefs are not just "religion," my beliefs are my relationships with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. You have no right to deny someone of hope. Also, I don't believe that I am shoving my religion down someone's throat. Maybe some of you counselors should have a big list of what not to say, and be ultra specific. Wil, we have to sign a waiver when

Another comment to avoid, "Well, at least she died doing what she loved." She loved falling off a cliff to her death while rock climbing?? I have found silence to be most helpful when I have suffered a powerful loss. Sit with me. Hold my hand. Hug me. Those actions speak volumes more than any words!

God never gives you more than you can handle. What utter BS! There would be no suicides if that were so. Two years ago we lost our youngest child to suicide, then last September we lost my brother’s only child to suicide. Our son was 30, our nephew 41. Other family members have recently died, but those two left a big hole in my heart 💔💔

My daughter died 10 years ago, aged 4. I was told,"....At least you have your son", who was then 2. That l should be satisfied with my life, At the worst time of my life.

While spiritually people try to override mourning, the Bible even acknowledges grief and mourning, while the phrase “they’re in a better place” in Matthew it states “bless those who mourn for they will be comforted” I just feel like people want to try and be uplifting without allowing others to go through their grieving time

The comment “God will never put more on you than you can handle.” is actually a misquote I don’t know chapter and verse but it’s supposed to be “God will never allow you to be tempted beyond your ability to resist.”

I was together with my boyfriend for 32 years before he had a stroke. He was in full time longterm care for another year and a half. I knew he was going to die but did not know when. Every day I would go see him. In the beginning he could be loaded up in a wheel chair and wheeled to a commom room. As time went on he lost the ability to recognize people and slept during most of my visit. I did not give up on him and kept going to see him everyday. Up to the evening before he died I would ALWAYS kiss him and tell him I loved him. During my last visit to him I walked out without the kiss and telling him I loved him. I turned around went back into his room and kissed him and said I loved him. I then left to go home. At 8:00 the next morning I got a call from his nurse that said he had passed at 6:15 am. I had been greiving since the day he went into the hospital. The pain was still there but the intensity wasn't blinding. My only comforting thought was that the last thing he heard (?) from me was I loved him. All the time together the last thing we said, no matter how upset we were with each other, before we went to sleep was we loved each other. Because if one of us died in our sleep, the last thing we heard was the other one loved us.

Wish my parents spoke English, then I would send this to them... 2 days after my friend passed away my mother told me I shouldn't get dragged down by this. WTF?! There's so much she could have said or even just say "I don't know what to say. This sucks." but no she is an emotional stone. I told her grieving is normal. Since then she not even once asked about this topic or how I feel. It's ridiculous. One of my best friends was diagnosed with ALS 2,5 years ago. Out of nothing. She was on holiday and suddenly couldn't speak anymore. In February she passed away. 😢😢😢 I couldn't even go to the funeral due my own physical health issues. I miss her so much. She was the only one who really helped my when I got sick 6 years ago and now I couldn't actually be there for her. We wrote but we couldn't visit each other anymore. I couldn't even attend her funeral because I can neither sit nor walk. I know she understands but still it feels horrible. And now I'm even more lonely than before 😢

"You have to be ok with it" is what I think I'm hearing in a lot of these. (I'm fortunate enough not to have lost anybody close, but having someone say that kind of thing must be unbearable)

I would also add, that people handle death and grief differently. When my loved one's died, I was at different stages in my life. My father, then my mother, and now my twin sister. My father was my hero. My mother and sister were my best friends. What I needed was the respect from my colleagues and friends without judgement. I preferred going to work the day of or after each one's death. I had a responsibility to my employer and employees, and that was important for me to fulfill my duties. Things would get done for the deceased. Funeral arrangements would be made and a day off for the burial could be scheduled. Allow others to live and laugh as if nothing happened. It's the best cure for their soul. The one left behind should be respected to know their vulnerabilities without judgement. Sometimes not saying anything is best. The worst thing to hear from someone is: " I know how much you are dying inside. I can't imaging what you are going through." These words were repeated to me over and over from neighbors and friends when my twin died. Little did they know I wasn't dying inside. I felt joy, peace and wholeness for my sister. People expected me to grieve when I didn't need too. Love someone from a far. It's OK.

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I was saying the wrong thing, and I will do better. This was helpful! Much love to you!

I lost my wife a year ago, it never gets better.

I remember when my 1/2 sister called me and left me a message after OUR maternal grandmother passed, she said ‘’ sorry for your loss’’. I was horrified. It was her grandmother too. I loved our grandmother more than anyone ever. It was a completely inappropriate thing to say. Heartless. As you said in this video, it only works with someone you don’t know well. Good for co workers and casual acquaintances. Needless, to say …relationship over with the half sister, for that comment and many other reasons.

The one about _God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle_ is a twisted version of what the Bible actually says. What the apostle Paul wrote was _And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear_ Big difference but still not helpful to say to someone grieving.

People don’t talk about the deceased and that’s wrong. I always want others to bring up my loved ones that have passed, but no one ever does. Also, no one should tell others about the stages of grief because everyone is different. And, there’s no text book grief process.

I don't like Im sorry for your loss. Because i was like in denial when my parents and sister died. I like I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I di like the one you said ( If you need anything or anyone to talk to I will be here for you.)

I have come to hate 'I'm sorry for your loss.' To me it feels like a formula, a rote line that issues from the mouth or the pen or the keyboard without a single thought behind it. Just cut and paste. No names--not of the person spoken to or the person referred to. So easy to say. No feelings attached. You don't even have to look at the person. No, I hate it.

When my husband died, I hated hearing how he was an angel, or more specifically, my angel now.

I lostmy 21yearold daughter, who was a special needs child I was told ,it was best,,she is not suffering anymore,..Be mindful of OTHERS GRIEF,if you don't have anything SINCERE to say,SAY NOTHING.....

I would have taken any of the first 7 examples of what not to say over what I was told: "you need to get over it" and "you can't cry every day".

It hurts...It may never hurt less. You may over time become stronger under the burden of the hurt so you carry it better, But It still may hurt the same. Love never goes away.

Me and my daughter were just talking about this today. we just lost my husband (her dad) and said how annoying most comments are that people make. It makes me a little bitter towards people for the things they have said. I know they didn't mean it that way but they've said it over and over that I don't know how to act around them, im upset at how they "tried" to make me feel better. Like his life didn't matter that much or my feelings of grief are too much because "Hes in heaven now" and why would I be so upset at that?! Ugh life just sucks right now.

My father and I used the same doc. After my father passed the doc advised me after a medical that I must not mourn my father cause I shall be joining him soon.

I miss my mom a LOT still, she passed from a sudden Heart Attack back on April 27th, 2021...then I lost my Dad to Cancer we were WAY to late to do anything about back on September 20th, 2022.. I also lost my Soul/Heart Kitty Cat on August 31st 2022 so i was still very much grieving over him when my Dad passed..😭 I also recently lost my Mom's Doggo back on April 25th..so it was like losing her again, even though we figured he was going to pass soon, it still hit hard..

Please don't say to a mother that has lost a child...thank goodness you still have others......you are young and there will be more...along with the rest of the not thinking get off the hook statements.

Thank you Kati...I survived an ectopic pregnancy Christmas 2020. Took all of 2021 to grieve. I'm still grieving because now there is this fear of trying again (I also lost my fallopian tube). Every time I have a period I am reminded, every time I see friends with their babies or bumps I am reminded.....I went to a woman's festival last summer- hoping for respite and support (which I mostly did) but one woman who had joined a womb healing workshop that I also attended, later turned to another woman and offered her more healing but then harshly said to me "I'm not offering you any help because you've not had a birth trauma"...Another woman later at the festival brought up what happened to me without my consent and began aggressively telling me what happened was my fault because I had not healed ancestral trauma, she carried on and on and on, advising me to attend sweat lodges- really bullying me like a condescending school teacher. emotionally ripping into my body- not caring it was still so raw for me (by the time of the festival I was 6 months into my healing and grieving). So thank you for this, it's been lonely. I too have taken a break and seeing a counsellor because I'm tired of being unheard- all people do is judge, tell me what to do with my body, tell me to move on or expect me to act happy and active OR I was bombarded with other women's similar stories really early on in my healing- the moment I came out of hospital so many women over shared with me, constant pinging of messages. In the end I switched my phone off. I'm ok now. Slowly getting back on my feet. But I took some time away from social media because I'm still fragile but people forget or don't care anymore- I'm old news. But I have learned who my friends are and I've become more homey and living a gentler, slower way of living. Sending you lots of love Kati, I'm so sorry about the passing of your grandma. A love between granddaugher and grandma is so strong I hear your pain, I miss mine every day xx

let's just remember that in all of this Wonder and mystery, God's greatest gift is when he calls us home.

For me it was "call me to remind me when the funeral is" Not even a close friend or relative but someone who apparently was a family friend

Thanks miss. I’m grieving with my grandma’s loss for a year now, meanwhile i was abuse with a narc family member. I wasn’t able to process one at time. Its hard but it gets better.

A coworker of mine lost her boyfriend suddenly. We are both book nerds and always discussing books. I changed nothing the next time I saw her, and continued suggesting or talking about books, thinking it would help take her mind off what she was no doubt consumed with, and constantly reminded of by others.If she had brought it up I'd have gladly talked with her about it, but since she didn't, I wasn't going to bring it up . When I went to leave she grabbed my hand and said " Thank you so much for not mentioning " boyfriends name ". Seems in that case I did the right thing.🙂

It’s very hard. I lost my husband in 2014. My fiancée in 2019. And almost my dad from Covid in 2020. And lost my mom in January 2022. I’m at a loss.