8 Mistakes That Lead You to a Narcissistic Relationship 

OMG, if I had only listened to him! The very first night I met him, he told me, "I'm a bad person...I've ruined a lot of lives..." It was right there in front of me. Thank you for this

I made all those mistakes. Now I'm one year of "no contact" and starting to heal. Thanks for your clear explanation, it really helps.

"I have to make this relationship work" is exactly what happened to me and now 15 years later I am divorcing my wife, finally, and for good.

I felt like I had to make things work because I assumed (my mistake) that everything that was happening in the relationship was my fault. This came from my childhood, as I thought other people’s behavior was my fault.

I failed to listen and ended up in a 27 year marriage of hell. I went out with a guy who made a statement "that's a you problem, I have problems of my own". Someone with empathy would never say that. I would never say that. He also held a grudge against his daughter. I simply told him that we have different relationship values and I wish him well but I didn't think we were a good fit. Of course, he said let's see how things progress. I said " we need to part ways". Listen very carefully. Every word out of someone's mouth will tell you of they have empathy or not.

OMG My wife of 25 years told me in the first month and so did her mum. She had Cloves of Garlic hanging next to her bed, I asked why, she told me her mum placed them to ward off evil spirits. She then said. "You don't think I am evil do you John?" In an almost teasing manner. I had a disagreement with her sister around the same time and it got blown out of proportion and should have been a red flag by the way everyone reacted. Her mum said to me. "You might be better off finding a nice catholic girl John." I look back and it feels so creepy now.

I walked away from a relationship like this because I decided to put myself first 💞

1. I wanted to move fast too, because I was 34 and desperately wanted a child and family life 2. True, I was naive. I did not know this kind of evil existed 3. Yes, I was not creating a reality based off his words, but was in my fantasy and my belief in my ability to manifest it 4. Ignored or made justification for red flags (crossed a clear boundary) 5. Yes. I felt like I must make this work. I took 100% responsibility. 6. I gave more and more to him and his needs and his reality instead of valuing my needs and my experience and boundaries 7. I misunderstood unconditional love and gave him unconditional tolerance instead. He took full advantage. 8. I tried to give him what he wanted according to his reality, thinking it might get better. 2.5 years free. Thank you Jesus ❤

I realized a while ago that I'm so far gone the best relationship I can try to save is the one with myself. I don't even seek a partner anymore. I have become asexual out of necessity. At my age, there's just no time to take a year to get to know someone well enough to have a healthy relationship. It's an instant gratification society. As much as I agree with everything you talk about, it's just not the world we live in

I have put other peoples needs first. their problems were my problems. and always looking for the good in people were there wasn't any. My husband totally washed the floor with me because of this. 💔💔💔

No. 5 I think occurs because we take too much responsibility for other people’s actions (people pleasing behaviour). In fact people-pleasers are often appealing to narcissistic people. We take too much responsibility, have loose boundaries, struggle to say no. It’s very sad.

Always listen to your body. With the benefit of hindsight I can see that I felt somewhere inside that sth was off. I wasn't aware back then that I should have listened to my inner voice.

I wanted to add to #3 he kept telling me how good he is. What a great guy he is. I started seeing how he treated other people beside me and it was ugly. When I told him I didn't want to see him anymore he flipped out. It was ugly. I'm getting good at walking away quickly! Thanks for your information 👍

I brought it all on my self, and never should have even given him the time of day.

About #8, being a detective can be about confiming what you already know when you are being lied to. Seeing what my partner was saying and doing was a real wakeup call.

Four years I’ve listened to you daily. This is the realest and healthiest, non existent toxic af relationship I’ve ever had 😳🤣🤣🤣🤣 Thanks “buddy” 😂😂❤🖖

Just wanted to throw this out for everyone- I ended a relationship in the second month!!!!! After 3 narc nightmares that ate the better part of a decade! It hurt like hell until I reminded myself...it actually doesn't! It's not my fate. Or yours. We had our first argument and the way she handled conflict was super familiar. She made it about her immmediately, dodged accountability, totally gaslighted me, denied saying things she had said. All the things, all the things. I started getting that familiar feeling. She had had a minor legitimate issue with me a month before and I had apologized, taken ownership and repaired, as one does. When I saw she didn't have that capacity I was completely turned off, like, immediately. I asked, "am I meeting the real you?" I said, "I'm looking for something else. It's been great knowing you". It was that easy.

How about, "I'm a good liar." That relationship didn't last long.🤣

Richard, I know why I had to “make this relationship work” with the narcissist. It’s because I accepted a moral premise that good always wins, and I was on the good side. I was trying to not repeat the mistakes of my parents. Even though it was horrific, I stayed for my children (and they are all better people than their father.) And I knew when it was time to leave, and let the narcissist think it was his own idea. It being idolatry resonated with me. I just wish I understood these things from the first.

This has got to be one of your very best videos. Thank you for being so clear & blunt about navigating adulthood relationships. Like a lot of codependents, I grew up being parentified by abusive, immature parents. As an adult, I came to realize in therapy that chronologically I was older, but psychologically I was still back there in adolescence. It's a game-changer when you are able to support yourself so that what was once having to tolerate abuse in order to keep a roof over your head, is now in the past & you create your own home.

My mother believed in the merging of two people in marriage. It's what I was trying to live as well. Co-dependency means you can lose yourself and fade. The last 10 years of her life, she started to remember who she had been before marriage. Better late than never. Your videos are straightforward without unnecessary psychologist's prancing!

Yes! Yes! Yes! I’ve been happily single for soo long because I’m aware of these things…people tell you who they are, I’m not abusing myself sooo not letting anyone ever again…a brick wall is a wall…remember yourself..be good to yourself!!

And I have always been moved so quickly in these relationships. They move fast to get you in. Please slow down whenever you meet anyone. If they can't take the word no, RUN!

"I have to make this work." Agreed.

I have done all of these things in the past and been in 4 narc relationships. In the last one my reality became really warped. I needed one night away from the narc for space. I told the narc and apparently he decided I was probably cheating on that night and he ended the relationship. He was super paranoid about everything and everyone. I needed that step back time. In response I got silent treatment and was told any time I stepped out of line it would happened again - silent treatment or raging. The ex was deeply toxic and I was beginning to lose my marbles. I am glad I stepped back as it ended everything and showed me how insanely controlling he was. One year out I am still dealing with the CPTSD.

Made all these mistakes, from blaming the other person, crying why this happened to me etc.. I have started to. Understand myself more, observe and mend my habits and mistakes. I didn't come from a family or environment where we learnt these things, all girls school, naive, introverted and always into books and dreams... looking for that person. I have matured real fast after the breakup ..lol

Conditioned from childhood to ignore my intuition via Gaslighting

Yup. I made all those mistakes. Every dam one. …. Twice. For many years each time. Still digging my self out of that last hole. It is really weird and quite uncomfortable that a stranger on the other side of the planet seems to know and understands my experiences and myself better than I do. 😳😳 Are we all just living the same dam life with only varying details? Maybe it really is just a “matrix” 😳😳🤔🤔🤣🤣🤣🤪🤷🏻‍♀️ Thanks for your time and thoughts Richard. ❤️☯️☮️🖖🦋

I'm so glad I found this channel. All I can say is that, yep, I did all eight of these things. I've become deeply entwined with a fragile narcissist. She's my ex, but the real estate situation here in Vermont is so desperate I wound up having to rent rooms from her in a house she owns. It has been such a nonstop nightmare that I recently had to go the hospital because I was having such terrible suicidal ideation. I'm doing better now, but only because I went on medication. I'm a student of psychology myself, working on my master's degree in forensics, and Ive been in therapy for years. This really almost killed me, and only recently did I realize that that wouldn't even bother her that much. It might, indeed, even be what she wants. Anyway, God or the algorithm brought me to you and I'm glad It did. Wish I could afford your full course. What's important is that I know that no matter what I have to get out of this. Your words have given me more insight, and possibly greater strength, to do that. Thank you. Cheerio (lol)

Mistake #3.. He told me straight up in the beginning that he is an awful person that discards people easily and gets immediately turned off when someone he's interested in does something "wrong" and that he self-sabotages relationships. I didn't listen. I was also expected to make all of the sacrifice and wait for when he was ready. Most intense 3 months of my life. But proud of myself for being able to go no contact as soon as I learned the love bombing was part of an even bigger picture. Thanks to videos like yours. ❤

Thank you so much. Still disentangling and setting boundaries. #7. You must put yourself first and religious views. Now in retrospect, if someone put the narc first, as a Christian, that was not honoring themselves as a child of God. And this relationship became my life's project, I felt a moral/intellectual challenge to try harder and harder until, drumroll, the next discard! I'm now focused on healing. Thank you again. This video really helped.

omg - i did that: recording conversations and re-listen to see if i was understanding it all wrong because reality was so questioned to the point where i no longer trusted myself.

I've been no contact for a good minute. Trying to fight the urge to reach out everyday is rough. To those going through healing. I love you. And I hope you find balance again

I tried to pull back to get some space to reflect and he wouldn't allow me to. He would bombard me with his needs and insecurities and call and message repeatedly. In the end, that is a big part of what drove me away. It is abuse to not allow someone to have time and space BY themselves to BE themselves. He tried to swallow me up and I fought against it as much as I could. But in the end I have realised that for him it's all or nothing. He wanted all, I choose nothing.

Being in the process of leaving a narc, I have to watch these video 3 times a day to stay strong. Remember that I am only a thing to serve his purpose! That’s very hard 😢

I made all of these mistakes. Got married at 17 years old. Woke up a few years ago after 38 years of marriage. I can see it but CPTSD, trauma bond and multiple TBI's. I can't seem to find myself again.

Excellent video. If only I’d seen this years ago when I got into the relationship. Sometimes you have to go through someone’s phone to find out the full horror of how you’ve been betrayed. Foolishly I still let him stay. I can’t believe how stupid I was!

This is a really, really important video that so many of us need to watch and apply. Thank you Richard.

Everything you said just makes so much sense now that my relationship totally altered my reality. Thankfully I kicked him out and I’m at this weird grieving stage. Your videos are so educational I can clearly see how manipulated and codependent I was.

Stocks are pretty unstable at the moment, but if you do the right math, you should be just fine. Bloomberg and other finance media have been recording cases of folks gaining over 250k just in a matter of weeks/couple months, so I think there are alot of wealth transfer in this downtime if you know where to look..

Great video - I like how this is more like - watch yourself. There is something effective you can do. Identifying red flags doesn't always lead to self control. Knowing your own mistakes is effective.

Yes I thought I had to hang in there and transform the situation. That led me to almost getting strangled. I saw signs very early but didn't trust my intuition.

I grew up when Punk’d was a popular show w/ Ashton Kutcher. A celebrity would be filmed while an insane situation played out while EVERYONE else acted as though nothing was amiss. The celebrity would ultimate look around with a look of “is this real life…am I really misinterpreting reality and this is normal?” I remember every interaction with my husband would lead me to think of those moments…unfortunately, still in it, but I now know I am not insane.

This video is THE most insightful, valuable and essential advice any human can have. I wish you could provide this to high schools, colleges and many other places so others can have this as a measure in their lives. Many people need to hear this message before they allow themselves to have toxic people in their life. Your testimony is extremely compelling!

Omg you are so right!!! Number 3 really got me! He told me EXACTLY who he was and what he was capable of! I was the exception though. That was ALL I heard! I was somehow so special he would be different with me! I am so sick to death of all this time I have wasted!

God Bless you Richard. Very important advice for us all. Stay safe out there everyone.

I swear there is a code of conduct they adhere to. 1. You must lean into them they will not chase you at the start or after a breakup. Only lure you back towards them. It has to be your fault. 2. They must warn you. 3. You need to Sin to trigger good to bad (abuse cycle). 4. They know when you have fully individuated from them. And the abuse stops.

I like that about moral philosophy and not permitting bad. New guy pursuing me demonstrated behaviour I didn’t care for towards another person, and I was mad and disgusted, but then made excuses the first time, but now I am ashamed I did. This is a long rant lol nice to get it off my chest still mad and thank you I thought so too. No more compromising my values EVER again.

They get so angry when you're not matching their frenetic pace of "falling" in love in the first month, before you've even had real chances to get to know them, and they you---wonderful though everything may seem. So angry, when you say you want to enjoy the ride and take things slowly or just let things unfold. Maybe you're told you're stubborn or that you're fighting them every step of the way (while they pressure you in small and sometimes big ways). They push and push, and they do it fast. They may feel hurt and dejected when you're not being as careless as they are. They may say that the two of you were meant to be together, and even though you may be feeling that and going with the natural flow of checks and balances, every time you start to naturally fall in love with them, another red flag pops up. Don't push yourself past where you feel safe, because the road back is dark and full of huge setbacks to any work you've done on yourself and any healthy patterns you've set up. They will balk and stiffen at the natural pace; they will feel that because they've been careless, they are at some kind of measured, quantifiable greater risk. This is why we *have* to take our time, and if someone cannot allow you to do this or cannot do it themself, RUN.

The world puts little value on transparency! The truth easily offends , as its exclusive , absolute , unyeilding ! Spoke with a broadcaster today , i commented , so your aware you are putting a spin on reality ? Without missing a beat , he replied proudly , there you go !

🎯 don't enable bad behaviour. TY

Thank you Richard Grannon ... you have to be making a huge difference with these videos... Healing us one person at a time. I appreciate you greatly!

Ooof. Super helpful, I definitely see myself in a lot of these points.

Thank you for your wise words. After time past after my relationship. I realised that I was playing by somebody's else's rules and shifting goalposts. Also a fast shifting in feeling for me as a person. Hard lessons learned. But i am grateful.

My father was abusive, emotionally and physically. I didn't know then I had adhd/autism. I was repeatedly told to be quiet, don't cause a scene, abuse was rationalised to ..its your fault you did this. Then I ended up in my adulthood picking men who did the same. I 2 relationships with possible Narcs. One married and co-parenting with. I decided no dating, therapy and figure out what on earth was happening. I was repeating patterns, I had no bounderies which has made co-parenting horrific!! After 2 yrs of therapy I'm now listening to my gut, I'm establishing bounderies (which he hates) and I'm standing my ground. I feel like I'm gaining my power back. I'd love for you to do a talk with a survivor who is neurospicy, from trauma background to let others know it's not just you. That those are not alone. I'm now going to court to get stricture in place, I'm asking they send my ex to autism training as our son has Autism and their relationship is stressful leading to high anxiety when he goes to dad's. Thankfully a DV charity is arranging therapy for my son.

He literally told me he was the devil, he was evil, that everyone in his life told him so. My ego thought I could fix him in hindsight, focus on his issues instead of focusing on mine. I was the perfect prey

Nothing speaks more true than your absolute in-depth knowledge on narcissism! Big love for your channel 💕

Well done! I made every one of these mistakes in my last relationship. 😢 Thank you for being so clear!

they tell on themselves -- always

Wow... I have made all of these mistakes. I should print this list and put on my wall with a STOP sign! 🛑🚫⛔ I was so stupid and naive. I felt horrible, like a detective. I had a strong, inside feeling that I have to control him to get him faithful, otherwise he would be cheating on me. And despite of that he was cheating on me... This is so hurtful. 😢

I was guilty of, at least, the 8th point. And all along I thought that it was me who was the bad person. Thank you, Richard.

Wish I had Seen this 15 years ago!!!!

I wish I’d found you 35 years ago-before I married two narcissists consecutively! Idiot me Thank you very much Richard ❤

Hey my wife has put me to watch this videos I’m a counselor to many, others consider me a good guy, I work hard; take care of my kids and pay for all the bills; but accordingly to my wife I’m a narcissist and I should learn from you; today I actually had 2 other guys ,call me saying that their wife also think they are narcissist, I kid you not, this literally happened, I don’t have a problem talking to you and become a better person, to me it will be a blessing maybe I’m not seeing something I should see.

Thank you. I needed this prior to meeting my ex but at least now I have a complete list of red flags to watch out for in the future.

I think another point that I definitely ignored is that he would tell me all the time that "he just wants to be a good person." and that "women are selfish." If you actually are a good person- you don't have to tell someone that. It comes out of you naturally.

I remember distinctly having my then girlfriend for dinner numerous times in a share accommodation house with mostly guys .I cooked everytime and the others cleaned up and the other guy did the shopping .After the third dinner I said to my mates she seems entitled .They thought I was unfair twenty years later exactly why we are divorced ,trust your first instincts they are often correct .

Your content is much appreciated!!!!

Good one, nice reminder in a nutshell! 👍💪👌

Why do we invest more into toxic relationships and people? I think at some point in our lives, our parents, guardians, or teachers told us or showed us that we were unlovable, and we believed them. So, when others become abusive, rather than blaming the person who was abusive for the abuse, we blame ourselves. Therefore, we then strive to regain the regard of that abusive person, rather than accepting that this person is abusive, hurtful, deceptive, and thus, not the person whom we had thought they were, or who they had told us they were.

just what i needed to hear. thank you

Perfect video Richard. Thank you. Last time narcissist spoke badly about herserlf - she mentioned people in her close circle were saying bad things about her and she was quite open about it. Maybe they expect this will be somehow overlooked when they cover it up with love/sexbombing . One allways has to consider that this people were saying actually the truth, not badmouthing the narcissist . Overlooking this things being bombed with attention is very harming ...

Perfect video. Thanks Richard!

Thank you for this video ❤

One of the best ive listened to. Thank You Bro❤

Thank you, this was very helpful

Excellent Rchard!!

Thank you for doing this.

very handy and concise, richard. love your lengthier videos like this, ty for everything

You are the best Richard. I am not in a relationship that involves this degree of vigilance at this time...and am appreciative of the reminders of why I don't have to be.

Thank you so much!! God Bless You!

I enjoyed that video indeed. Thank You

Great pointers thank you 👍

So grateful for this video. Thank you! 🙏💫

Thank you so much❤

It’s hard to care about listening to other humans, when I don’t trust them. Why would I trust any thing any one else ever says to me? I’ve learned Odds are they are only talking to me because they want some thing from me. Sex, money, and stuff…that’s what most people seem to want in life. It seems like Every one is now afraid to have an authentic or a genuine connection between souls. ….or maybe that part is just me 🤔🤔☮️

Absolutely awesome material! Thank you Sir

Gosh, I love this man, hahaha! Amazing video. I’m going to listen over and over.

Excellent points👍

Thank you so much , Richard for breaking it down step by step in this video.

Thank you for your ongoing drive to educate and empower survivors. The information you share has been crucial for me to finally make sense of my lifelong experiences. I was aware of the presence of multigenerational family abuse and trauma patterns, but really learning about the particular narcissistic elements of it, and how mislead my ‘compassion’ with the perpetrators was, has been a turning point on my healing journey. I can’t thank you enough. I have just started one of your online courses and for the first time feel hopeful. 🙏

Spot-on, clear as a bell, brilliant. Thank you, Richard.

You nail it every time dude 👍

I was "Lunch Time"! Thank You, for telling me the truth!

Wow, this whole video spoke to me. This man is so insightful

At least 7 from the 8 mistakes that you mention were confirmed in my love-drama! You're a wise guy who can get to the point, thanks so much Richard🙏🏻💫

Another EXCELLENT video EVERY POINT IS SPOT ON THANK YOU

Love this for so many reasons! Especially the last one! Totally out of character for me but felt the need. I never acted in it but geez.

My slip up was number 5, 7 and 8. Thanks for posting.

I have to say 100% agree with you Richard and I am relates with entire 8 mistakes in correlation with clause effect inherit from my family's way. There's always be the bright side of every lessons and I am blessed to get through 42 years with gratitude and hopefully living my life with more balance, confident and content, better than yesterdays. Thank you very much. Stay blessed and healthy to you, your family, crew and loved ones.