The Difference Between Being an Empath & Being Codependent 

I learned this: "Whatever people give you, they can take away. Whomever you need, controls you. Need people less, love them more."

Whenever you bind your happiness to external sources, it's like you throw away the key for your wellbeing.

Just what I needed to hear. This is exactly where I am at in my recovery from codependency. At 51, I have just learned that it is not selfish to put your needs first, it's Self care.

People really need to learn to be happy alone. Now more than ever.

Detached. Observing not reacting. Choosing to respond. Not react. Mindful in the moment. Not feeing guilty bout saying no no more.

Breaking always from co-dependency is like learning a new language. I was trained from childhood to cater to my parents emotional needs and therefore did not have my own heard or seen. I am learning them now, and making sure my son can speak his emotional truth

With my ex-husband, if we received a bill on Friday. I would hide it until Monday because I didn’t want to ruin his weekend! Seriously! So happy on my own!

I was both at one time because I was raised that way. My mom never says no and builds resentment. She's tired all of the time and feels guilty when she rests. In order to break the codependent part, I had to learn boundaries and I will say no in a heartbeat and when asked why won't I do something, my response has been "I just don't feel like doing it." My mom seems shocked when I'm able to establish and keep boundaries with people. It's very liberating and I was amazed at how many people was actually upset that I will no longer let them walk over me. It's very unfortunate but life is so much more peaceful now.

I have been co-dependent with my son. I understand to stay out of the way now and let his life take it's own path. I finally let go and holy crap, how liberating. Yes, it was a painful thing to watch initially; however, today the bonus is.. HE has grown so much. Everybody is so much happier today.

I think I'm more of an empath but I deal with people trying to manipulating me almost everyday. It's just better to be alone sometimes but I need some good friendships with healthy people.

Being empathic makes it hard for me to recognize manipulation sometimes

I am a recovering empath with codependent tendencies so you could imagine what most of my relationships have looked like. My mother was a drug addict and was killed when I was 8 yrs old and my father was never around until her death but was still distant. This was the beginning of the emotional rollercoaster my life had been since then and finally at age 33 I am just now seeming to breakthrough this blockage that has kept me from actually living. I use to feel it was my job to save everyone only to realize I lost myself in the process. I send out a big congratulations to everyone here because I guarantee this is the first step to not just living but actually being ALIVE! You are all appreciated if noone every told you and your definitely not alone in this journey. ⭐🙏❤️🌹🍀🌈🌟☀️🐝🌻🧚✨💪💪💪💪

Boundaries are not only about saying no to requests. Boundaries are also about asking for things and getting your needs met in a relationship, and if the person can not meet those needs, they are violating a boundary.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?" ~Hillel

I just came to the realization in the past few weeks that I definitely have codependent tendencies and I knew already I am an empath. So much to unwind 😞

This randomly appeared on my youtube feed. I needed to see it thank you.

Hi I'm Mel. You're spot on. Even though I have done sooooo much work getting to know myself, I see my daughters following in my icky past footsteps. When I see them suffering, I flashback into my own past. I know I can't fix or change their circumstances, so I keep exhaling, stay present, and know that it always works out when people learn on their own. I admit, I have isolated and avoided so I can stay grounded. That's where I am at today. Thank you for the reminders. ❤

I learned codependency trying to keep everyone around me happy. I was the scapegoat at home and then married a Jykel and Hyde. I tried to leave and was told by my mom, how dumb I was, etc, etc. After 32 years, we are divorced and its hard.

To quote the famous Rush song, "One must put up barriers to keep oneself intact".

Holy shit, thanks for this.. I thought I knew what codependence was and always said "I'm independent, I don't need anyone to help me through life, I pay my own bills, own my own house, etc." but I am 1000 % a codependent in all relationships. I need to unlearn this ASAP its a terrible cage to live in having other peoples emotions have control over us.

Children becoming codependent with a parent is a tough one. It's sort of the Parent's responsibility, up to a certain point or age. For me, it seemed fine, until I turned 16, and started to grow my own identity and independence. I think the complication for me...was this parent of mine being mentally ill, and on permanent disability too. Of course I felt like I should be doing everything I could to help...but it was kind of a trap. A trap that I was unknowingly contributing to. I finally stopped trying to save this parent. Sometimes saving is enabling too. Once I realized I was enabling them by saving them...that was a big eye opener for me. I do try to help them occasionally on my own schedule still, but often when I give an inch, they still try to take a mile 🙄 Thanks Julia 🙏🏼 I definitely got a lot from this one 😊

I’m doing this work mostly alone, but with my own sporadic therapy when needed. Currently, I’m pulling out of dysfunctional dysfunction with my adult child. I’m currently no contact with them due to cruel and hurtful behaviors that I cannot and will not take anymore. I am both an empath and a recovering codependent and have chosen myself for the first time in my life. I am 53. I’ve said no to a lot these past few years and it’s super difficult to deal with the guilt and tantrums of those who are used to your empathy, reflective nature and ability to take responsibility for whatever they lay at your feet. I listen to videos like this to keep my wits and strength about me. Thank you so much! I’m new here. I’ve subscribed and will share this. Your video is timely, well put together, well-articulated, realistic and empowering. You have no idea just how much I needed this boost! I will get your list and sign up for your wait list. Thanks again!

Holy cow!! I used to do this! Being an Empath is tough and yet a blessing for me! It’s taken lots of practice but I’m no longer a doormat! I don’t try and fix others and allow them to grow and still be there but they put the effort and it’s their own reward! Win win! But wow! Has it taken much counseling and building my own skills! Wish I had you long ago though! It’s something I have to practice every single day! Thank you for explaining so well!! 👏🏻❤️😁👍🏻👌🏻

“We are there with them, we don’t try to fix it for them” I need to remember this line!

As a codependent you don,t “see” yourself, you don,t have the right to...and self appreciation is conditioned. Good video description Julia and my own personal experience is that you need a hardwork for takeout codependence way of thinking, the reaction of family vampires when you change is complete rejection, well indicated in your video. Good work

8 minutes in and you explained this better than I’ve ever heard. Completely opened my eyes on why I never feel good unless my mom is ok. I try so hard to help but can push her away. It’s like she feels attacked but in my mind I’m trying to fix her. And by doing that I will ‘fix’ me and the family. Especially since my dad passed two years ago and my mom is my world but isn’t the best listener, because she too has been through a lot. I have a killer intuition and am quite sensitive and would probably say I’m also an ‘empath’ I’m an Aquarius. Probably explains some of it. I really do want everyone to be well, content and happy. I’ve been around a lot of negativity with my brother. It’s a handful. I’m a handful

OMG! I am so thankful that your channel came into my world. I needed to hear this. I am both empathetic and codependent. I know my codependency stems from my childhood where I sacrificed my own well-being for the sake of "the family" and not rocking the boat.

Wow Kristina you finally turned on the light that was so dim for so many years on why I was always reeled in to family and peoples problems, devalued then decarded. Because when I didnt agree with their bad behavior, and this was most of the time being in a family of Narcissistic abuse and substance abuse. They would kick me out of the nest, or project themselves on to me. Needless to say I'm a better much happier person away from them. My life naturally flows. I'm able to see and know my wants and needs. I don't do well with crazy making. And one thing I seriously need to point out is people can really affect your health. By me walking away and taking care of myself I was able to reverse a lot of multiple health issues. It can be done.

I'm not a fan of the term "co-dependent," but recognizing misplaced responsibility, unhealthy approval needs are important distinctions. Thank you.

Thank you, that was very helpful. Growing up I was always compared with my brother by my mom. I was the “ selfish” one, to this day I don’t know why. Mom would volunteer me to do favors for extended family members or friends, some people I did not even know, without asking me first. Most of the time I did it and when I said No she was not happy with me and made me feel guilty.So I grew up and became an adult always concerned about everyone’s happiness and give myself to help people and fix situations. I am over 50 now, separated and having the time to reflect and really figure out who I really am. And I have started to say No and make my well being the number one priority. I still find myself doing the “ codependent “ thing once in a while but not to the extent I used to. This video was extremely helpful. Was reassuring me of something I already intuitively new was going on but I could not define it

It is so freeing.. my uncle's wife was telling my child that his feelings are his feelings and he has the right to feel whatever he feels. I was in shock. I had never been told or heard anything like that before. I abide in that now. I'm unattached from the outcome and the person I'm communicating with is also completely free to be real with themselves. It's ok and it needs to happen to move forward. Whatever the outcome.

Thank you so much. I was codependent with my soulmate. I learned that if someone wants to destroy themselves, there is nothing I can do about it. Your comment about helping someone, but not feeling responsible is helpful. Walk away. It’s the best gift I can give. One person got up and is making changes. The other, maybe he will die. My best friend. It sucks that I can’t save him. Thank you so very much.

This helped me. I recently started dating someone. At first, things were great then slowly he became more negative and whiny. He was under a lot a stress. I offered to help but he declined. It didn’t take me long to tell him we needed to put the relationship on the back burner so he could focus on the stress. I regret it had to end that way. I presented positive results from his turmoil and offered support but I could not take getting bogged down because of his situation but I put up firm boundaries. Then I said goodbye. It was hard because we were getting so close. I will help but I can’t fix.

I felt other people’s pain as a child as if it were my own. I felt that life was so emotionally painful I could barely stand it. I realized I couldn’t get through this life with my heart on my sleeve so I had to toughen up but then it’s hard to be emotional appropriately when you are half in your feelings. I am both, Empath and Codependent. I have struggled with codependency, I have married a narcissist (and divorced) I constantly take care of people and stress and try to make things okay for people. I attract broken people. I’m 54 and now it feels like I don’t live my life. These videos make me feel squirmy sometimes but I know that means it is right and something I need to work on. Thank you for the truth.

Thanks. Started taking control of my life. Understanding what I need and never compromising. It is what it is. People can deal with or leave.

I really appreciated this video right now because I have been helping a friend who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I've been helping her by watering a big collection of plants she has while she's in the hospital. I'm really not suited to be doing this because I have a bad back. not only does she not appreciate that I've been helping her this way, she complains that I'm not doing it right. I told her today I cannot continue doing it. I stood up for myself, I set up boundary, and she acted like I was letting her down, as everyone lets her down. Listening to your video here has really encouraged me that yes this is hard, but I must do this. I must set a boundary and I must protect myself and not let somebody else's demands on my time as well as emotional health be predominant. I have learned a lot from your videos and I'm very grateful. Thank you ever so much!

I become codependent of my partner but I'm glad I made the effort of staying empathic with my friends :)

It's so nice to have u back where u belong U went to Canada to talk about your lessons about how to live a happy life

Hi Julia, my big takeaway from this is, and I think I am understanding this more from our shift society and is that even therapists can't fix people. That must be a big misconception that people have, huh? The good news is - yes, I do need the tools and the guidelines, but I am capable of fixing myself! I am already rewiring my brain because of our group. Being more mindful. Such great stuff. Thanks for the 25 healthy ways to say no. =) I am looking forward to our teaching today! See you at noon!

Boosting your ability to say no clearly, but kindly...it's a game changer.

Im new, and I like your channel so much. I am struggling with depression and anxiety, and I stumbled upon your channel, I love it so much. Learned so many things so far! 😊🙏

What i learned from this session was learning what : "differentiate yourself" means... To change your usual reaponse, don't do things (send a like) for others...do it because YOU want to. It was good to hear you say, "this wont be easy"; it was good to hear you say, "some will notice and adjust" 😊

I never knew how much I needed to hear this until I did. It was hard to identify but its amazing to see how I can give my progress a name.

My wife is codependent and I am empathic the way you explained this. Very well made video. Keep up the good work.

"The essence of balance is detachment. To embrace a cause, to grow fond or spiteful, is to lose one's balance, after which, no action can be trusted." - Thief: The Dark Project

I’ve thought about how codependency doesn’t feel like a form of selflessness (although you can lose yourself from practicing it) but almost more so, a strange form of selfishness . I have had strong codependent tendencies and behaviors in the past (and am trying to learn how to prevent them - and then actually prevent them - in the future) and I think it is, oddly, selfish. I have actually thought in the past when I was trying to fix everything for everyone that what I was doing and how I was responding wasn’t for them, it was for me. I realized and noticed I seemed to need things fixed and solved and prevented and wanted that far more than the people with - and responsible for - the problems to begin with, which in itself is a problem. And then I resented those people for MY feeling I had to (or needed?) to fix the mess that they had or were responsible for, as I wasn’t going to be able to relax until the problem that they had or were causing, that they weren’t taking care of, was fixed (and since they weren’t doing it, or going to do it, or maybe capable of doing it at that time, or for whatever reason - basically since no one else was going to handle it, to me, that meant I had to do it instead). I mean I wasn’t completely separate from the problems - they were usually ones that had SOME ramifications / consequences for me as well, but to a lesser degree. It’s a weird thing to be aware of - it’s almost a little ocd in a way - like I feel I can’t relax until (or at least I prefer that) an area is cleaned up and tidy, then transferring that same need-for-tidyness-and-organization desire from THINGS to PEOPLE and their situations, feelings, predicaments, friction with others, etc. When ocd relates to things and one’s environment, it’s ocd, but when that behavior transfers to people, that might also be codependency I think. Like a social ocd. Hm. 🤔🤨😳

During the pandemic my overseas boyfriend is coming unhinged. These are not ordinary times and he wants to talk all day and night, sometimes rants which makes me uncomfortable. I know I need to hang up but love him so much. I feel exhausted from him. His trip to me canceled this year we don't know what's ahead. I'm 71 and been alone for decades. I know how to do that and like it. This man is part of me now and it frightens me what I'd do for him. Most of the time he's lovely. Thank you. 💐

Crushed is the perfect word I’m both empath / co-dependent

Such powerful, life changing information! 👍🏻☀️

Lady just explained myself and my whole family and my most recent relationship. Seriously gave me ridiculous clarity. Thank you

WOW: I Just Learned About Being An Empath And Not Being Co-Dependent Upon A Passive/Aggressive Persons Demands.

This was literally me through a situation with someone for the whole of last year... felt like how I felt like this so deeply inside was not truly understandable by anyone else other than me... thank you so much for this video, it makes me feel like there are other people out there like how I get xx

You're seriously SO PRETTY, but also incredibly smart. Thank you for guiding all of us through so many confusing and complicated emotions, I appreciate you! 🥰

This is honestly the best explanation of the differences between an empath and a codependent I’ve ever seen. I’m a standard empath. If I have codependent tendencies, they are very minimal. Thank you Julia!

This is beautiful. As a recovering co-dependent, I commend you. Thank you.

Crushed is a perfect word Thank you

I have been in Al-Anon since I was in my 20s, now in my 50s I realized and now work as an Empath and a therapist. I am also an HSP. So, basically, I can validate everything you're saying here and just want to support you and your channel! Thank you!

A masterclass I've waited 60 years to hear. Bravo! 👏💐

FINALLY, someone who is qualified, caring, and capable of helping those of us that really need this help and guidance. THANK YOU!! Your videos are amazing, and you are SUCH a pivotal variable in my journey to the "other side". :)

This content opens a ton of information to me that made me realize that I am an empath who has been suffering from codependence. I am full of emotion while typing this. I am beyond happy to discover your channel. Thank you very much, Julia.

I think there’s a VERY thin line between these two conditions. Co-dependents are by nature, very empathic and feel things very deeply. Hard to differentiate the difference and how to separate your emotions enough to maintain your own personal boundaries. It’s a precarious balance to find.

Hi Julia Christina.I like ur teachings.I am learning so much.And i realize i am sometimes codependant.Your teaching made me wiser and gain knowledge.Thank you.

I'm definetly both. You untangled the vines that I need to do the work to achieve. Thank you for your videos, they have helped me in so many situations

I found your videos definitely the most informative one on RU-vid. Thank you for sharing your knowledge

I left a narcist and I am a codependent. After all struggeling with my mental and emotional wellbeing.

Lovely Concept I never knew about...ThankYOU for Being Here 🙏🌞🙌 (Filtered Emotions acknowledgedwitnessed = Empath Unfiltered Emotion AcceptedControlled=Codependence) As I have observed this quite often that we can never Save anyone , we can only Protect people or say kind words and Understand..we can never advise or guide if we are not going to bear the consequences.🙏 I liked ur way of explaination..I know how important sharing is in processing feelings and I agree we are always guided by our intuition and that can only help us!❤️ ThankYou and take care 🙏

This is me...thank you so much for helping me see it...I work in the medical field, home life, child hood , and I had to grow up fast and take care of things and I'm still that way..

I am so thankful for this channel. I have been here for about six months and it is amazing every time I pray about something in my life your videos come up with exactly what I needed to hear for healing in my life. I am so thankful!! 😊

First of all, I want you to know this was very well said. I'm just now discovering what all of this is. I still can't believe theirs a name for it! Thanks for the video.

I swear you e read my mind thoughts and feelings on my fresh out of 11 year hyper narcissistic relationship..... Awesome 👏

Thank you so much, so insightful. I'm realizing I have strong characteristics of a co-dependent and I'm going to need help to change. The search for freedom had begun, thank you for sharing wisdom. Namaste 🙌💜🙏

Story of my life. Thank you, Julia, for shining a light into my dark abyss of a life. I’m coming into the light and I’ll be sure to not let others guilt trip me just because they aren’t getting their way. I live my life by my choices. And hearing you say that I’m not doing anything wrong in the end for doing that is very reassuring. Thank you and take care 💙💙💙

My mind is blown. You explained this perfectly

When I was depressed a well meaning friend who is co dependent was constantly trying to help me. It was about her. She was so overbearing and would often leave me in tears. It can come across as a form of bullying. I didnt need that help..I never asked for it. I started to think it was all about her. She pushed me to the brink. What a mess. My friend who I would say was an empath was my saviour.

Very good explained👌🏼 What helps is ask questions to the person with problems instead of reaching out solutions. Let them come up with the solutions themselfs as they start thinking about the questions. Like a therapist does and what parents want for their children, all about being/feeling/thinking and acting autonomous. Saying no is hard for a lot of people, i hear it all the time. I’m still learning myself sometimes and think, shoot i did it again!😅 When this happens i am not affraid to take it back and still turn it in to a no. It feels good even if they critisize me. In the end i have to take care of my own feelings and boundaries are very important. People with burn-out have a hard time with these things.

Hi Julia. Thanks so much for the fantastic content. I really struggle with needing everyone to 'be ok', before I can feel ok. This helps heaps 😀

Wow this was helpful, definitely subscribing. Thank you. Writing this at 4.36 am in the UK, couldn't sleep! Just want to get my thoughts down. I'm going into a trainee cbt job soon and worry that my codependency in needing to help others has partly led me into it. I'm both empathic and highly sensitive but have only recently realised after watching this how much I had lost myself and fallen into a hole of codependence when I was resenting my partner for making unhealthy choices and I couldn't figure out why it was getting to me so much and how much I wanted to 'change' his choice. The last few years I fell into a hole of negative self image and I feel this lead into me being codependent - ie. making him feel good, providing, looking after him so I felt better about myself and had some self worth. The weird thing is I can set boundaries and feel comfortable saying no but my self worth is definitely dependent on what I can do for others etc. What's sad is I can see my mum is 100% codependent on her partner and has been all her life. It's a cycle I want to break. I can see how I learnt this from her and with some abandonment issues thrown in. Thank you so much for the video, you don't know how helpful this is right now. I'm going to make some changes starting with self care and finding myself again x

Wow, this was SO enlightening!! Thank You So much!! Learning how to break up our disfunctional systems in order to free ourselves and in order to actually grow as adults is such a great step!! Thanks for guiding us there!!👍🙏🏻

Totally explained me.. Codependent to a narc.. I picked it up in childhood. We had to tiptoe around my dad. We learned to be, not seen or heard. To not disturb him ever.. Do anything to keep him happy.

"functional dysfunction".......hmmm, that explains a lot

This is actually a very good video. Many people struggle with codependency who themselves were abused as kids or grew up in domestic violence family. At times parents in dysfunctional families train their kids to be codependent in order to use them.

Thank you Julia. Your videos are EXCELLENT and carry a grace to walk out what you talk out. Such a breath of fresh air. THANK YOU !!! :- )

When I stopped people pleasing and learned to be alone (these 5+ years) all the narcs, toxics, and vampires disappeared from my life. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes, but I own it as purely MY issue. I'm not abused, used, misguided, disappointed, nor exhausted by constantly helping others fix their lives.

Such a great topic! the two get enmeshed frequently! mental health youtuber here!

Very happy I just discovered your channel. Clean, rock solid explanation on co-dependency! And at the end of the video I love what you said about how others ( in my case my ex) is now having to accept the shake-up in the old system as I have detached from her emotionally and she cannot manipulate me any longer. She is now chasing me after having dumped me. It is not a question of "playing hard to get" for me. It is me no longer allowing her to manipulate me and I have set my boundaries. Maybe she finds that "sexy" but it is not my intention. Iam just changing the script and working on myself, all through the gift to myself of no contact with her!

Wow!!!! You are so God sent. So in-depth.🥺👍🐞💞 """" SHARED """"

As I started to get a counseling and I found out that I might be codependent. So I searched it and here I am getting lucky to get to watch this video! Thx from Korea! I will go ahead and watch more of ur videos

Great session! I this going to be hard. Boundaries are the most difficult one for me. Thank you!

I can not express how revelation kind of thing this was. I saw all the three videos on what codependency is, what are the signs and this. And I realised I am codependent without even knowing I am till now. It was so shocking to me. So crazy shocking because I always took pride in helping people. In my way, I was saving myself through them because I went through mental health issues and had no one to understand or help me understand it. But I noticed how recently I have accepted the idea that everyone has to go through their own journeys and I can suggest and advice them but that's all I can do. However, in close friendships or people I invested feelings on need to understand I am doing something for them. And I thought it's so crazy and selfish but always told myself it's okay because what is the problem in asking recognition for what you are doing. And that was wrong. I don't usually feel like I am not enough if I a person i am helping falls, but I do feel that I NEED to help them as much as I can. I have been having health issues because in the middle of the night someone needs me and then my sleep goes wrong and they decide to say they have to sleep inbetween the conversation. It always hurt me but I understand. I need to set boundaries too. And I think now that I recognise this is an issue, shit! I am going to solve this. I think I am already half sorted right now.

I’m excited to hear your thoughts on this!! I know some things about both terms, but admittedly I’m not an expert! I hope you’re having a wonderful week! ❤️

Found your sight this morning. Thank you Julia. Very helpful. Peace

My name is Nick. I recently discovered you after my therapist and I realized I exhibit a large number of symptoms of codependency. I started researching it and came across your channel. It's one of several resources I'm using to work out what's needed for me to recover from and treat this. Thank you for what you do.

Thank you. You have no idea how much you have done to make me come to a better knowing of what I have been doing. I knew there was something wrong but I couldn't think of why.

Thanks!! This gives me so much hope and motivation!! Especialy that its posible to change after spending a lifetime of focusing on making others feel good.

My realization of being codependent brought me here This video helped me so much! So I just subscribed

I was always very empathetic and was trained to be codependant. .. ridding myself of the latter is my goal and the former is my true self. That side of me cannot cope with the guilt and pressure from those who will take advantage. I like the empathetic side of myself and wi strength it's a positive trait that wants to make positive anger in the world. The codependant side holds me back. That's a learnt trait and I don't want it! Cutting it out is difficult as the empathetic side feels extreme guilt and fear...... very useful video thank you it also shows me that I am moving forwards 😊😊

“be there for the process, but unattached of the outcome” your words are truly life changing for me! this video is encouraging on so many levels

What is it called when someone does many kind things for the sole purpose of being loved and appreciated, but when they don't get that, they become manically depressed?

Best description I have ever heard!!! Thank you so much!

I'm codependent, and my wife is highly sensitive. It seems like shes always upset and I feel like a failure since I cant fix it.