A Man Will ONLY Say "Not Ready for a Relationship" When... 

So why did he mOve across from me and have been wanring to meet but only once a month the past year? Not saying youre wrong, I just dont get it. :/

@@Vixinaful because your allowing him to treat you as a once a month after thought. If he was decent he would be honest. He will continue to deceive you with false promises. He is not going to do what your hoping for. Throw the dead fish back and go find someone you pick.

@@Vixinaful he is a user... run away as fast as you can. You deserve so much better.

@@donnalangley117 Well he never did give me any promises, he told me he "didnt demand anything from me" and after some pressure he admitted he had a Friends with benefits in mind so yeah, he was after using me but I keep thinking maybe that was bc I said I was scared of relationships (bad experiences)..it wasnt, was it?

@@Vixinaful please run from him. He is terrible. He has very naraccistic traits. Find someone who is going to value, spending time with you, getting to know what you like or dislike, what you care about. Share what you want with your life. Dreams of travel, or dreams of becoming a attorney, or engineer or a doctor, or a teacher. What do you want. It hurts to see you being so mentally abused by such a jerk. Walk away fast, find someone who cares who values you as you are. You sound like a really nice lady, and you deserve to be loved and cared for. You are worthy of love and being loved. This guy is not up to par. If you were my friend, sister or daughter. I would tell you the same thing. You deserve so much more than this stinky guy is selling. Don't lower your values to accommodate him, make him come up to your values..Don't settle.

Kerri Be... correct the Narc burned all the bridges behind her when she left.

So basically I've been doing this wrong all along ❤

I saw the scorched earth where she made tracks getting her disrespectful but gone. Few days she wanted to come back home. She did flips and will now in a heartbeat. No no no the divorce is done and I will stay in honor at all costs or bust. We were toxic and Im already a much better man.i cant help her gonna be all about me now like she said for years. She was throwing her actions at me Im to blame

😲💕🙂😏

True

Yeah for sure 😘 Appreciation for who you are and your ability to grow but also recognition that there is no such thing as perfection.

Sometimes the guy doesn't doubt the person's awesomeness sometimes they just doubt themselves I speak from experience

Well thank you.. I always thought perhaps I don't deserve Love.. 😢

@@themanicman8458 me too

Fr, this line got me to subscribe... This man is so good.

I wish I had known this before we broke it off

Not true we have other things in life going on

This is so very true...

Can we become friends?

@@alexianp Sure 😁😁😁😁

I just did it

Wow. Stop assuming you know how every guy feels because you watched one RU-vid video. Sometimes 'I'm not ready' really does mean we aren't ready.

Curtistine Miller : believe him AND don’t waste your time and energy trying to change his mind. Don’t give him relationship benefits without a relationship.

@Sociopath Blog what in earth ist wrong with you? What did she so to you that gives you a reason to insult her?

But how can u believe tht wen he shows he's ready for someone else and making efforts to make himself appealing after being 57yrs old

@@lowislanelove3064 it simply means he doesn't want a relationship with you. Hard pill to swallow :(

Agree! I was stuck with a guy for like seven years! I was stupid... wish I knew better.

Love heals Everything 💯💯💯

I'm going to remember that! 'Dating is not a career, you are enough.' Thank you! 🙏🏻❤️👍

Nicole awesome ! Wish you the best

@@worthwhilediscussion except Ebola.

I think many people are like this but they still get approached by bad types of ppl. I know it has happened enough times to me. I'm almost in my 30s and I'm starting to feel like I should do something and meet more guys because I've never been in a real, loving relationship. Somehow my only 2 boyfriends that I ever had, dated me for my looks and my success in sports. Especially the success part. Without that, theyd be dating any other pretty girl with a better "image". Sad but true. Dunno if I'll ever be in a decent truly loving, sincere and genuine relationship at this point..

Ew Ted talk, they promoted pedophilia

Angela omg really?? Which episode

Exactly that same man may meet someone next month n marry her a few months later

@@angelaknoxthey don't, read this blog.ted.com/tedx-talk-under-review/

@@thirteenwolfies they don't blog.ted.com/tedx-talk-under-review/

He will come back, that is if he has not already done that.

Hi Sam , well same happened to me few weeks ago.I told him to go back to his ex-wife as they have children together and that life is short and we are no getting any younger” Then he messaged saying he was not going back to his ex and would like to be friends 😅I accepted. After that day he started messaging me every day 😂and invited me out and kissed me. I asked him what was going on he said he was scared to be hurt again. Put yourself first and show him you don’t mind to lose him.There plenty of men out there waiting for an amazing woman like . You are beautiful and deserve the best. 🙏🙏Pray for the right one.

This is classic avoidant attachment behavior. Look into attachment theory. He is probably fearful avoidant. The attachment system clicks in about 1 - 1 1/2 months into a dating phase. This is when you can see what kind of attachment the person you are dating is. Sounds to me he was "activated" for a 1 1/2 month then "deactivated" when his attachment went into trauma mode. Terms you could learn about.... There are four types of attachments (basically computer programs we all run on). You might be anxious as they are attracted to avoidants subconsciously, but the way you handled it sounds more like a secure attachment. It is possible he is dismissive avoidant, but the way he told you his feelings is not typical of dismissive. But is for fearful avoidant. This is a classic pattern they do. A month activated, a month deactivated. So forth. Until the connection is too strong/close and their system can't handle it anymore and they "ghost" you. They will often say things like "I am overwhelmed" or "I can't do a relationship or I don't want a commitment, I am not ready for a relationship" or "I need to be alone" "I am too stressed" and its often attributed to work... this is because their nervous system technically can't handle being with another person to regulate itself, the avoidant system doesn't co-regulate. It will get too chaotic for a fearful avoidant and they need to be alone to auto-regulate their systems to rebalance best they can --- for a dismissive avoidant the closeness triggers all kinds of wounds and they shut down/get distant/cold , same as the fearful avoidant system. But the system isn't chaotic (up and down) like the FA, it is more just shut down. The dismissive will go months without wanting connection again where the fearful avoidant will likely want connection after a 2-4 weeks. That is until their trauma is healed which takes work. So the nervous system sends all kinds of "pushing the person away" messages to their brain. Because love/closeness/strong feelings/bonding all trigger the trauma response because attachment and trauma are stored in the same part of the brain. This makes the avoidant very anxious. And usually he/she doesn't know why -- only to push the person away. But if you are an anxious attachment and that's why you were attracted, unknowingly, then you have trauma work to do too. These avoidant attachments become very common with 35 years old and up in the dating pool. Because secure attachment are busy finding someone and getting out. Avoidant usually always get back into the dating pool. And don't commit. They often look like "situationships" "textationships" "long distance relationships with hardly meeting up" dating that becomes FWB, or something "open". To only end suddenly usually. FYI even if someone was married it doesn't mean they don't have these problems. Look for --- getting distant, cold. Saying things like "overwhelmed" "need to be alone" and shutting down emotionally and detaching. Checking Out of a relationship. Inconsistent texting after a month of dating, spontaneously showing back up just to leave again later. Going MIA without texting or seeing each other for a week or more.

@@amiblackwelder you're a genius

You can't force it. He may come back if he likes you, which is doubtful.

You got that right !

Awesome

Bravo!! At least u are honest with urself 1st 😊

Wow👌

Cudos to you being fair and kind to yourself, and an upstanding, responsible, decent guy overall. All the best to you in your future.

Andre Marais Then he can take his time, heal, do everything he needs to do, and then come for me! No need to drag a women through this! 👌

@@andremarais2706 yes your words resonate and gave me food for thought. I also strongly believe that the one meant for you will cross your path one way or the other.

10000% facts lmao

@@andremarais2706 I came across such a case where he made it clear on day 1 that he just wanted sex and nothing else. I sincerely asked him why not go to a prostitute then? XD I think his ego got really bruised cause he took a 180° turn, said I wasnt open minded and it actually could evolve into a relationship later on.. I decided to play along and agreed to "believe" him out of a personal curiosity about this sort of mindset.. There was not much other than a hungry ego if you ask me. The people around thought he's just ridiculously stupid and close minded himself but I still disagree. Too much ego can look stupid as do cheap tricks but this removes responsibility from the person. It's hard to distinguish sometimes between "narc", "emotionally immature", "really stupid" or whatever. It's easier to "determine the tree from its fruits" and just avoid said "fruits" as they are "poisonous" regardless what their exact kind is. I wish you quick recovery, to quickly forget and forgive and find the right girl for you- a true angel of compassion, love and loyalty and be the same to her. Stay strong.

@@andremarais2706 I'd love to hear your opinion about why men sometimes don't want to be friends? I would send you a private message but I don't know how to lol

very hard to let go

Well put well put

So don't have sex until he gives you signs that we wants something more with you🤷🏾‍♂️

Leonard Johnson lmao that’s too much rationale for them to handle 😂😂😂

My boyfriend says this to me 3 days ago and we live together and he has 2 females me and another and because I dont agree with his 3 summ etc and I am at his house taking care of his kids it's sad

@@lingardtiktok5260 Because you allowing it, don't say it's sad take your life back and stop being available to be used. This jerk doesn't deserve you.

He wants multiple woman but not ready for relationship am like who does that he go in my phone and take pics of every phone call I have call me obbess when am not I really need to get away from him and his drama life the day he told me he's not ready for a relationship I feel great also he doesnt want me to work only to keep his kids

Yes you will. In time. Take your time. I said exactly the same thing to an ex of 12 years. He thought i was insane for not wanting of his friend. Be strong.

You will Hun. Every day is further and further away from it. You got this 🌺

You will and eventually will meet the right person.....I know coz Ive been there.

@Elham M glad to hear that. I just went through this and I didn't fall for the friend zone after dating for almost 2yrs

So sorry honey but that’s because you deserve much much better, it”ll be worth the wait!!! 🥰

You go girl! You got this! ❤️

Exact same situation ! As long as I refuse to provide sex, he keeps coming back and texting me, it has been a freaking year and a half !!!!!

Don't you dare let your guard down, if he is unable to commit to you, he is not worthy of your time or your affection, stay strong !!!

What should i do? if a guy who’s interested in me but he’s waiting on God to see if im the one or not. He’s a very Christian man with morals and values but the waiting game truly sucks :/

@@melanie.vallejo Are u on the same page spiritually, do u have the same values? If not, even if u’ll marry him ... he’ll keep God as no 1 and always guide his life according to God, Bible and that could be hard for u to understand if u are not on the same journey and not have Jesus as the center of ur life ! I might be wrong, but the fact that u are asking this question here and u seem impatient, it gives me the hint that u are not equally yoked with him ( spiritually). God bless you!

Marie Munzar try 3 years

Try 6

This happened to me. We talked about marriage and children and he broke up with me because he wasn't ready and didn't want to be in a relationship. The next couple days he was already on tinder.

Try 12 years and a child 😔

Outrageous

Sad but true.

Um no. Sometimes we're just looking for friendship with the opposite gender.

@@Algernon7 Friendship is different than relationship! tHEN THEY SHOULD BE HONEST AND SAY IIT FROM DAY ONE!!

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾👌🏾

True. But users...

That’s not true. Often we need to date around and figure out what works for us and doesn’t.

How classy...... it’s his loss!😘

That’s the way to do it. In the beginning - match his efforts. Invest NOTHING else.

I think they test and sometimes don't care or search. Everyone need to prove carefully for him/herself what's worth

We teach people how to treat us. A man can only waste a woman's time if she allows him to do so.

@@darladawn1111 I see no problem with that. Why hurry to much and why not wasting the time a bit? Most important is that you feel good, if not or values or you are hurt than go.. it's just that simple.

@@jimjohnson394 you mean that all the shit with no sex before marriage and true love waits and things like that or waiting as long as possible.. long dating marathons.. are the way? If it's really like this.. omg.. I think than I give up with it. I need my sex sorry and I am tired of waiting and have never enough even in relationship.

@@jimjohnson394 - not all men share your perspective. Thank goodness. There are a lot of men who want a committed relationship with a woman they connect with on a deeper level, someone with whom they can share life experiences, make years of memories and grow old with. A person who is emotionally and mentally balanced will seek out a balanced relationship. The rest will continue to lack self awareness and keep finding themselves in the same pattern of unhealthy, unsatisfying "relationships". Such as the kind of men you described.

😄😂

Haha and if they do then their mindset in life is very flawed . Everyone in life is replaceable . No matter how awesome you think you are

They won't come back, they will replace you quickly and never look back.

You don't want to feel like they settled for you. You should be their dream girl.

Nah, their ego is too high for that. Even at the cost of a good relationship with a good, commited person!

Alex Cruz Nooooooooooo🤦 If he's ambivalent, he's not for you just leave his ass alone.

This happened to me. I am so happy I cut it off. ✂️. When they know you are the one. They know.

Lol Jessica😂. I am all the way down in South Africa. I think there's something in the water. They do and say the same here.

If you did not have physical intimacies, 5 months is a reasonable time to get to know each other. You must have given in that fast.

@@modeltesoro714 : No, I did not. I was careful to keep that boundary. I didn't lose anything.

@@philisiweradebe4063 how long were you guys dating?

We’re now**

Gosh, I hope this is the case for myself. My bf is needing to take some time. I overeacted. Afraid I wrecked our future together.

2 of My relationships that lasted 3 years started out like that. “I’m not ready for a gf” Turned into “don’t want to live without You😢” 😂

This gives me hope… I HONESTLY feel like he wants a a future, but wants it to be HIS decision. He quit his job to change careers last year and it took him months to pass exam and is finally about to start new job. I have thought we’ll just relax and get myself busy and if we are meant to be, it’ll happen. He’s told me repeatedly he knows we will end up together and I am “the one” I feel the same way Sorry haha just could relate a bit

Good for you! Onwards and upwards!

Now, make sure you live by your creed. Match your actions to your speech. Be safe!

Don't look back! He wasted your time.

What did u do? How are you now

Thank you for providing this concept. Very useful to consider from a different angle of why a man may not be into you.

Honestly, no. They are keeping you as a placeholder until something better comes and if it doesn’t they will come crawling back.

It depends how they treat you! If they respectfully are honest and communicate that they need to heal then you can have respect for them. Unfortunately many men use sex for attention and validation and will be hot and cold which is our sign to move on. I can be understanding if they are aware but being manipulative is immature and not worth even a friendship unless they apologize and take serious action to make up for it.

Never laughed this hard 🤣🤣

Riiiiight. Work on yo'self without me boo! 👋

yes absolutely it took me 2 years to figure it out bon voyage!

I don't want to run away, yet.

Great comment! Loved it

😭😭😭😭😭same here.......i need to be strong

@@patlisadecielo527 💓

Yes but lord it feels so powerful!

It does a year later and I found 💗😍 a special someone.

@@whatrtheodds omg how long did it take u to get over it? its been a week and i keep hoping hell reach out...

It hurts so fucking much especially after 3 months of connecting with someone and investing your time.

@Di Rene’ exactly!

@@Ana8888flafi and then they’re mad when women go around using guys for free dinners.... smh. These guys think they run shit

I feel you girl, some men are so f*cked up!!

@@Ana8888flafi Try TWO YEARS I wish I had seen this video in 2019

Deb not everything is narcissism. Sheesh!

Happened to me also. He'd kept me in a loop for nearly year. One month after making the statement he's with a woman. I was an option along with many others.

@@angelahaines9515 I’m sorry, you deserve better than him! I went through something similar 🤗

What if he wants to call and keep a communication ?

I'm sure it does takes time. I don't ever plan on letting my guard down again. I'm sorry just don't trust anyone. Smh 😞

Did he ever come back?

I'm also wondering. Did he ever come back?

I would not add that you'll be available for this guy when ready.

gentle, calm and direct. love it.

You were SO smart. I wish I had done this the moment he went from hot to hot and cold. I could have saved myself 6 months of wasted time and my dignity

Thats all they want.. 😩 F*ck them...

Yes that's what they want until they get married to some third person.... No need to run behind such guys.... Better say Good bye n move on.

@@Dulles-jt6sr well they want to F..k them,that s all they want 😂

People want different things there's nothing wrong with that. As long as they are honest.

💔😔

This comment broke my heart for you. 😢

Angela Greene I’m dealing with this now. I know he doesn’t want me but I like him so much it’s hard

Merri Tarrant I’m still dealing with it. thought i was gonna be able to cut him off and i can’t do it, i literally can’t do it

Then why end it?

sus v think its best for my mental health but idk

Truth!!

Exactly

I honestly feel like if a man jumps into a relationship really fast that’s scary, he’s probably desperate. A man with his head on right is going to vet you before he just calls you his gf, especially if he’s going to be investing in you.

Hey how are u now???

It does, but it still doesn't mean he is mentally or emotionally ready. I was with someone who insisted he was ready but his behaviour and actions indicated otherwise

@Xaris Xeros you got it exactly!👏

Why marry after only 1 year? That's way to soon! It takes at least 2-3 years to truly understand each other.

@@Aritase i think that is relative. Plus I didn't say we would marry after 1 year. I just meant he refused the idea of it in general once it came up after 1 year of relationship.

@@emave8694 Depending on which country you live in, I understand why men don't want to get married. The laws of splitting up after a potentially failed marriage, often greatly favors the woman, and at the same time can potentially ruin a man. I'm also on the fence of ever wanting to get married because of this. Of course, I don't know your ex, or your relationship, so I can't talk on his/your behind. Just sharing the observation I did.

@@Aritase No, this is not our case at all. The bond was just not strong enough from his side, as it showed later anyways. That was my point of the comment, as related to the video.

Cheers to you sis❤

Omg wut??? That's crazy

Sadly... 99% of men area disappointment......

I'm doing my best to heal that part of me that just wants to be chosen. These wounded men will play games to feed their ego and its best to listen to our intuition so be glad you made the right choice!

Any update on this?

Let me guess he's in his 30s. It's the only generation that has produced men without 🏐s

Exactly the same situation!!!

If it makes you feel better I’m going through that. I chose to say “I’m sorry. I need to walk away”. It hurts oh boy it hurts but you need to value yourself. And if when you are high value they will come for you. They will do what they can to be with you. Don’t ask why but ask what can you do to attract the man you want.

Because they get all the benefits of being in a relationship ship while being in a situations hip. I have learned the hard way to be upfront from the beginning a out what you want to weed out the ones who are not ready earlier.

So true

They string you along as long as the sex is free.

@@beforgiven9055 No, even in strict Christian circles where people are celibate till marriage. Still the same.

@@gcooper642 So, there, you get the eunuchs who want to be mothered? You know that they're getting SOMETHING out of maintaining the status quo while resisting greater commitment-- it has to be some need that is getting met.

That's a technique he uses to lull you simpletons into trusting what he says.

@Carolann Cannuli-Denton Stupid comment

Your comment is very stupid without clarification as to what you mean .I understand more than you know. You are a baiter.

Yea. Ok.

It's not just men. A lot of PEOPLE (men and women) are not honest. Let's not put all the blame on one side.

A lot of men are, women just dont listen

I agree

Totally agree

Never looked at it that way!

I agree with this. He is inadequate and knows it. This is why he says this. Moving along...

Better off in one's own company than poorly accompanied...

You’re still giving him too much power. I feel it... You are exporting your energy. You don’t have to be that grateful to someone who flat out rejects you. Don’t be lucky. Invest in your boundaries. Be SAFE.

Your lucky day!

6 years?

Perpetual girlfriend..how awful!

6 years it's too much. 2 years max!

If it's been long distance for a while now and he hasn't been caring to communicate with you he either has been talking to someone else or he has already moved on and won't tell you. I'm sorry.

💔 Always watch a man’s actions. Do not go by what he is saying. His actions will tell you. His words alone won’t nourish you. I hope your heart is healing.

Amen!

Well he gets these benefits but he can loose them if he doesnt want to commit, right?

Don't text him; I made this mistake and I regret it now

Be strong, he did not deserve to text him, when i texted later i regret it, because nothing will be change.

Do not, I repeat, do not ever text him. Don't look back. And move on with your life.

Leave quickly!

Look at his ACTIONS, not his words.

Love bombing

Are you still happily single now? I'm wondering if my so is too stuck in how his children's mother treated him to trust I won't be treating him the same

I'm 10 months late but I'll share my opinion. He's not interested in being with you. He's just playing mind games with you. It's a game to him and he doesnt take you serious. He uses you to boost his ego. Let him go bc he's not capable of appreciating you.

@@Bella-Mae0422 yep ive experienced this too.

"Love is a verb, it shows action". Thank you ❤

What if I am not ready too what is so wrong to need time? A serious relationship with future needs time to prove..

Fuck you got me.😒🙃😂