Wow. I was being treated badly. I pleaded with my husband to change his ways. He didn’t change. I ended up leaving my husband, as hard as it was. Sadly he didn’t fight for me. Not at all. He watched me pack my things. He watched the removal truck arrive and take my furniture. He did nothing. That was 5 months ago. He has still done not one thing to win me back. As sad as it is, I know I did the right thing. I hope to one day find someone that truly values me... ❤️
Hi guys, it’s now been 13 months since my hubby and I separated... I am happy to say that I have met a lovely guy who treats me well and sees my value!! So glad things are working out for me! I’m still glad I made the choice to leave my hubby. He was never going to see my value. Now I’ve met someone who really appreciates me ❤️❤️❤️😊😊😊
Maya T ironically they r none of that and they still try to USE respectful people and they actually think they r smarter because you r observing their games they actually think they WON some inexistant games that they were playing alone
Mali Ali Hahaha, true, I've let guys step on my toes who were neither more smart nor more attractive than me or anything else that would make them particularly "great guys" just because I had this naive belief that everybody is good and loving deep down inside and that I could somehow work it out with them - such bullshit...and I agree for them even being proud about winning their crappy games, such losers :P
He has everything that i could ask for as a guy but he is not there the time i need him the most instead he just ignores my messages and it really hurting me so much....
I just broke it off with the man i love because he didn’t make time for me. It was so hard and i’m broken. But i’m here just to know that everything will be okay.
Wth out any reason , ignoring is very paining u know ? Need to say a specific reason .. if he / she before ignoring a person .. Should tell their problem , if they r not interested now , they r getting bored now , Like these. .. type of such reason should have to know ? Before ignoring
@@raji1121 -- I don't think we are referring to a one-off event, but a chronic pattern of ignoring one' partner. If he is doing it all the time, it doesn't really matter why. It's not a relationship. Breaking up simply makes the existing reality official.
@@raji1121 I was ghosted not long ago and I can say, yes it does hurt but then it is a blessing in disguise even if they leave with no explanation. Leaving without saying anything just means they just didnt like you and value you. Simple. Just let it be, forgive them, and move on. Someone else will come along and value you. I know my worth and I wont tolerate dwelling on that behavior. Its not worth the time and energy.
It’s been more than 3 months since I made the decision to let him go. He has not called me. I missed him but it is clear I’m not important to him and for that reason, I don’t want him in my life anymore.
It’s been 1 year now since I stopped all communication with him. What has happened during all this time? you may ask... well, I went back to college and finally graduated and 6 months ago, I was offered my dream job!
@@armtz when you start doing you , amazing things happen and you start attracting the best in life. Happy for you! I wish all of us women would not let a man occupy our emotions. but gosh its so hard. :(
Girls, if he doesn't see your true value, then walk away. Never settle for less because you deserve the best. Never lower your standards just to meet theirs. Believe me sis, you'll only hurt yourself soon. I've been there, done that. It just only means they do not respect you enough. So girls, respect yourself and never settle for that kind of man. Never chase them. The right man will never run. 😗
airplainchild you are soooooo right. smh what I have noticed in the last five yrs: ALOT OF GUYS WALKIN AROUND WITH MANCHILD SYNDROME!!!!!!!! Arrogant...narc jerkoffs. This is what happens when people come from broken homes, experience neglect, abuse etc...Arrested development is NO JOKE. Finding somebody who is decent...humble..n NOT A HEADCASE with mommy issues, smh like tryna find a needle n haystack now! Happily single😁
told my boyfriend what he said during a phone conversation the night before hurt my feelings. he suddenly had amnesia and said he doesn't remember him saying what he did and that i'm just being dramatic and that i'm starting shit and i'm no fun. no apology at all, played the victim all day and tomorrow is my birthday. i have decided to be with people that value and respect me instead.
Yup. Narcissistic. Run away. Deal with possible Codependency issues you may have been because you attracted that type of guy. Cocoon, shed, then emerge like a 🦋 in the noonday 🌞. I'm doing that too! Much love Sister 😍
The problem with this is that once they've won you back, they revert to taking you for granted again. I had a relationship like this. I split from him many times and he would always put in masses of effort to win me back but when I went back to him he would soon start undervaluing me again. Eventually, the relationship ended, and I was glad it ended.
M Buttitta Thank you, I hadn't considered that, I always thought he did it because he wanted sex. You're probably right, he was just stroking his ego by proving he could get me back. That was a long time ago. I don't let men treat me like that anymore.
muskndusk well the best news of all is that you don't allow men to treat you that way anymore! I'll never allow it again either. I never set out to become an expert in narcissistic personality disorder or abusive men but I had to to survive it... And boy what I have learned along the way
To my lady friends; ask yourself what exactly you ‘love’ about a man who doesn’t treat you well? Who is not there for you? Who cheats ? Who gaslights? Who is disrespectful? Who doesn’t VALUE YOU? Write a list of the real reasons you think you love him .... you will probably see that you were led along with a false narrative from the start. That he did things to reel you in and convince you that you loved him, wanted him, even thought you couldn’t live without him. The real challenge is in being honest with yourself… Getting real with how you feel in your gut about this person that you think you love. Be courageous enough to put yourself and your children first. It’s better to be alone, than to wish you were.
It’s called a karmic relationship. Those kinds of relationships you can’t fix because they aren’t meant to work in the first place. They are meant to help you see the internal work that needs to be done & to prepare you for the one you’re meant for. As long as you aren’t learning the lesson, the next person will be same/similar situation, different face. Point blank. When you allow, when you take someone back, it shows them that you are accepting of certain behavior. Has nothing to do with being a forgiving person for the sake of being forgiving. Especially when a pattern comes into play. As a woman, you need to teach your man how to respect you the same as you would teach your son how to respect girls. When behavior is tolerated, it continues.
Wow thanks... I've been going through same thing over and over again probably because i never learn. Recently took my ex boyfriend back and this is our fourth relationship but he continues to take me for granted...disrespect me in every possible way. Two days ago i left him...feels good though sometimes i miss him
Guys are lazy, they don't bother with high value women, they just have to log on to tinder and have attention from 20 desperate low value women. Just work on yourself and spend time with friends=bliss
i'm so tired of dealing w/males that dont expend the effort and lay back and like you said log on to fb! because theyre addicted to getting attention from too many girls lined up to get hearts and male validation. Not fun the stress worry of girls coming in flirting w/him on fb! Can you say immature and ego-driven. I need a guy thats anti- technology that is definitely not on social media!
@@onyxsafira2813 These men are obviously lacking if all they're after is attention from random women. You should want a man who has value himself and is a deep human being.
@@sansadrake4133 Agreed...'deep' someone w/substance/integrity! and doesnt live on fb/his phone! Its enough competition in the real world from othr females but to have to deal w/that on social media ruins any chance of peace ;(
@@onyxsafira2813 Yeh exactly. A high value woman will move on and not compete for a man anyway. Always live by that. Personally I find social media kind of boring, I'm on it but prefer to form genuine friendships/connections with people outside in the real world.
My boyfriend keeps looking at other women and I just get tired of seeing it happen and he just lies about it. Not only that he doesn’t like to talk things out
I deal with the exact same thing and mine told me that he wasn't attracted to my type of physique which I'm not even that bad I'm a little chunky but he lies all the time and definitely doesn't feel like he's interested sexually at all very very boring definitely a narcissist but I'm going to make sure I lose this last 20 lb right before he goes to jail for the next year and a half and it'll be a big hot in his face
THIS is an an amazing video. Everything he said was like he was talking directly to me, to wake me up. The saddest part is I’m wide awake, but have STILL allowed him to disrespect me in the worst ways. I’m on day 6 of no contact which I initiated. He knows what he has to do to have a chance with me again...I’m going through a lot & my heart hurts, but what hurts worse is knowing I’ve allowed someone to treat me with no respect & pushed my boundaries that no one else would have been allowed to do. I have extremely low self respect & self esteem because I allowed this & wasted so much time. I have lost myself in this relationship & I decided that I have to find me again. Thank you for this video!
What I’m praying for is that EVEN if he comes back, I’ll realize he doesn’t deserve me after all he’s done to me. I pray that I’ll eventually feel nothing for him except the best for him...without me. I know someone is looking for me & when I heal, I know “he’ll show up & show me why it never worked with anyone else!”
@@sherribyrd7130Hi Sherri? I'm just watching this 11-30-21 I hope you are doing well no matter the path you chose. Your post went straight to my heart please know that you are thought of ❤️💪
Breaking your rules is a red flag. I’ve been here the way you’ve described. As the giver, the flow is in our control so we have to take accountability to the extent we don’t put ourselves in harms way. Love is blinding so learning to see the driving dynamics that puts us in a hurtful relationship is the answer to being in the desired relationship.
Vanny L me. I was with my ex for 7 years. I was deeply in love with him. He broke my heart 4 months ago and now hes living and dating his co-worker with her son
I have literally been on a roller coaster ride with this man I’m dating. He makes me feel so unimportant and a benchwarmer that he has waiting on the side. I’m tired of feeling so insecure and used! I CHOOSE ME!
looks like you want his validation and he knows, and he will never give it to you because you may not really love him, you just want to prove you are good enough...may be related to something else in your psyche....if your having sex and committed and that aint enough f-him....a woman giving her body is saying i trust you wont kill me with stds and you will protect me....how many men do that....I have never met one that could be consistent for more than 2 years...
@@syrenaxhaferi7278 Most of the ones I've met were like that so I don't bother with it or even trying to meet them it's really a waste of time and if a man happens to "win" a woman he actually hasn't won anything except trouble and drama so , I just focus on myself now and my work
@@drjohnsonhungwell5115to answer your question. I can't speak for everyone but generally women don't want a nice guy, they want a kind guy. There is a difference. Someone who is nice isn't genuine. Someone who is kind is. But he also has to be more masculine than the woman he is with, otherwise it won't work. Masculine as in takes the lead in the dance. The chicks who are attracted to bums who treat them bad have issues that they need to resolve before they can move on to better people and things, hopefully. Some women destroy their lives (and children) chasing bums, and I have witnessed it, more than once.
Ladies, men are truly lost without us. The only reason why they work out, practice proper hygiene or have good manners is because of us! Please remember that when you lose yourself trying to impress him or be the man in the relationship! And don't let his blindness to your greatness affect your self-esteem.
I cant stop myself from crying... it hurts so bad when you real love someone and he takes you for granted.. i just cant see the other men because i was focusing on one man....... He stop communicating with me for no reason and when i ask him what is the problem he said nothing and keeps on pretending as if He is the victim......Thanks a lot for the video I am going to face him and end this kind of relation.
Last night he broke up with me said he isnt sure with his feeling..i was so calm and collected and let him go. It hurts alot but im just like nothing i can do tho. So ya
@@cathrineagatha114 I love your attitude about this. His lose, hopefully he gets it together imagine going through life not being sure about how you feel 😖
Yes, I made the big mistake of making his time, energy, wants, needs and opinions more important than my own and the result was he never ever saw my true self/value. As dr phil would say "you train people how to treat you". Lesson learned!
what i cant stand are these things are instilled in what they call culture! i kept calling it cultural differences but in his culture women SERVE men and put themselves last if at all and he LOVES that and expects it. ironically those cultures adore and worship their mothers but HATE women. i cant get it at all. makes me sick.
Excellent! When I went no contact right before my birthday I decided I had to take my social life into my own hands. When he finally apologized I had a whole new life in place and there wasn’t much space left for him. I told him straight out that if we’re going to spend time together we better both be enjoying it because otherwise there are many other things I would like to be doing. Before I would just spend time with him regardless of the fact that I would get upset just about every time. He was never willing to discuss or resolve issues. Very self-centered. Now says he sees that I don’t need him. That’s the best way to be in a relationship. Not because you need someone but because they add value to your life and because spending time with them benefits you more than anything else you could be doing at that moment.
Been in a relationship for 5 yrs and treats me like the maid. He always goes on vacation without me with his "man" friends and never takes me away. I'm so done & its time to goooooo...
Jaja Sang Runnnnn. You are Way better than this!!!!! Perhaps he likes men, OR going on these types of vacations with men to be with women. I would let him feel the brunt of his disrespectful, callous, asinine and childish behavior! Leave and heal from this, and above all learn from it. Do You for a while, and be glad that you did.
What i noiticed is that people usually "change" for a short while to get You back, once they do they are coming back to their old habits... so it really doesn't matter that he will buy few times flowers, or wash your car or make a foot massage come on! Few days/weeks/months later everything will come back to its old original version. Period. Sorry for my english if i made some mistakes or something but it's not my original language
You're correct. Unless the other person puts in the work to change and wants to change from their disrespecting and nasty ways it doesn't matter if you leave and come back 100x, they won't change.
Its not that they ignore its more that they wont give recognition to your high value because it makes them feel inferior...If you are a smart alert cookie like me...you often see this.
I have been trying for a year to get a man I care for to see my value. My gut told me early on and something was off, but my mind played the game of he will come around, etc. Finally done after expressing my needs many times. No fighting for me...very telling.
maybe he is gay or bi; if you have the money time and desire you can hire a p.i private eye and find out; i got my ex to slip up a few times admitting going to gay bars had a gay hair dresser who was one of his best friendsthat did his hair, he thinks transexuals are admirable .....but he's not bi/ gay okay okay....lol; thank god i never slept with the fool, and he never let me know where he lived yet he would want to come over to my apartment.....he was a big weirdo
Had this conversation with my husband today and eventually I ended up saying “ This relationship isn’t working for me anymore and I hope you understand “ he didn’t say a word. Just sat down and started watching tv 🤣
I believe all women should know their Worth, and value themselves with respect and love. I felt this way, and I’m choosing to walk away. If He realizes one day, who I am, awesome, if He doesn’t, that’s okay🙏
yep. true story with the narc ex I lived with. I made dinner for our family (normal, not low value thing to do, we all have to eat). Him: This crap is too oily! I cant eat this shit! (leaves and stays out to 7 in the morning). First time I messed up a meal and he blew up on me like he couldn't just order out, all because i had a kid and i couldnt back out. That sums up what you said about selfish mean people. FOr the record i did leave him with our baby the next day but had to come back because we lived there! my moneys all tied up in the home! These judgy ppl act like we're just supposed to walk away and be homeless over some BS when he can just NOT do the BS in the first place! I cant stop a grown man from acting like an abusive creep. All I can do is make the best decision for me at that moment until I can get out safely. Then wanna call us low value because a loser is abusive like it CANT happen to them too. smh.
@@cinnamonbun5161 i hope you left him already, but if you didnt, save as much money as you can and plan your escape. If you continue to live in such enviroment you will be destroyed mentally and emotionally and maybe physically after some time. Dont allow it. You need to be in a healthy state when you leave so you have the strenght to take care of yourself and your child. Keep your head up, dont believe the hurtful things he says to you because they are just a reflection of his own hurt soul, and i wish you the best of luck❤
😩 i always feel so unlucky n actually feel so great single sometimes I think to myself that may be that what I deserve n at times I believe I'll meet the right one someday
This video is so on point for my life right now. My ex and I just got back together after months of being a part. I had high expectations of change and nothing changed. As much fun as we have together, I still left feeling undervalued. I had to walk away again and he didn’t really care at all. Thanks for the great points.
"Everything we want is on the other side of fear". Wow! That was deep and can be easily be applied to other avenues of our lives outside of relationships. Again...thank you!
" Everything we want is on the other side of fear" Best comment on here is yours. The quote sums it up perfectly. But that fear is a tough nut to Crack.
When you take that risk & make HIM less important either 1. You dodge a bullet or 2. He tries to fight for you by coming over & painting your room pink Either way, it's a win win situation. You cannot lose in this case. I needed this. Looking at it both ways, there's no reason to be sad & depressed.
I walked away , he was inconsistent. He told me I was making complications all by myself, I deserve to be with a guy who WANTS ME , I know what I’m worth ...he didn’t see my VALUE. He didn’t fight to get me back.
@@lizzarts but the "right" one doesn't need to come in your life like ever. And he can be right just for a period of time. 🙂 but I think that keeps the life interesting. Somebody who shows you different things at different parts in your life. Options to see life from different points of view.
Never put yourself in a situation where your value is unappreciated. It's okay to show your love but don't allow if he didn't reciprocate your effort because a relationship is about partnership.
Amen everything he said is true. I finally come to a decision. It’s going to hurt for a while, but I know my value and I’m not going to let someone make me feel invaluable! 😢😢😢
It's been my experience that if they treat you badly at the beginning and you give them a chance to win you back... eventually they will fall back to taking you for granted. Because love is blind, by the time you see how bad he's treating you... it's bad! Dump him and move on or keep him as a boy toy! He's definitely Mr Right Now, not Mr Right Forever. With love 💜 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵
Have been married for over 20 years to a man who does not value me or anyone he says he "loves". He is disrespectful on a daily basis. It is very frustrating. So, at the end of this video when Brian Nox said, "....always behave like the HIGH VALUE woman you truly are..." it hit hard! It actually made me cry! I think there's probably a lot more (rejection) going on underneath than I am consciously aware of.
Excellent advice. My biggest problem is always giving them too many chances and wanting them to change but they don’t so I end up wasting years on them.
Reta you can never change bad habits and behaviors but you have to have the strength to walk away. I married a cheater and I tried to make it work but the true colors came right back after 5/12 months. I divorced him and took care of myself and my respect for myself
6:22 "Now he will start to fight for you." - you're very knowledgeable. However, look up 'Dismissive Avoidant' - they don't respond to the suggestions you're making. Ignore him or make friends and do other activities to show him your value? He won't notice. Tell him it's over thinking he will realize what he's about to lose you? Forget it. He will go inward and into extreme avoidance and be triggered and say to himself "see I was right all along. She never loved me."
Thank you, I feel so alone and I didn’t realize how many women are going through the same type of heartache. I appreciate this video and all the comments ❤️❤
Butterfly if you got tested get another in 6 months because you don’t know how long he’s been doing plus if he done it few days back on your last sexual encounter with him
I sent him a heart-to-heart letter in April. He never acknowledged it, has never spoken of it. I'm not even sure he ever read it. The reason I wrote him a letter, is because he "can't handle" / "gets stressed out" / "feels overwhelmed" when I try to bring up relationship issues face-to-face. He's a truck driver so only comes home 1-2 days a week. So I do understand somewhat that he can't think about relationship issues while driving...but at night, before bed, or early prior to getting in the truck, he should be able to talk. I bought cards that are supposed to be conversation starters for couples, and have brought them with me a few times - out camping, while driving the 2+ hours to go see his kids with him, etc. He "can't handle", etc. even trying to answer simple questions, like "What did you wish you could do, but have never done yet?" I have granted him a lot of leeway because I believe that his ex, who he was with for almost 20 years, was extremely emotionally physically and financially abusive to him. So I have tried to give him time, space and made available several resources for him to recover. They've been apart since early 2015. He and I have been together for almost 2 years. So, less than a month after that h2h letter, he tells me he wants to get his 'own place,' so he has a 'home base.' At the time, I figured that meant he was just as interested in breaking up with me as I was in breaking up with him. He then tells me about this property he is looking at, and wants me to come and see it with him. It's super-cheap, only $20k (no buildings or house). So, while we are talking about it on the phone, I comment something like making sure he can afford it. He responds, almost scoffingly, "You're going to have to buy it. I can't afford it. My credit's shot." So, yeah. I guess that was his 53rd strike. The property is 2.5 hours away from my home, where he has been living. He would not only have to buy it, he would have to develop it, put sewer, electricity, etc. It makes me wonder if he is also expecting me to buy him a house, too! So HE can live there "on his own." He used to contribute financially, but suddenly stopped after about 6 months. The last time he gave me money for 'helping out' (as opposed to contributing financially to his current household) was in December 2019. He does help out with little things, but he also tends to (1) take my things without asking and (2) break them without financially compensating me. It's little things, like a shop broom, and my TV remote (he did finally buy me a new one - after more than a year)...it's just the fact that he breaks my sh__ then expects ME to buy MYSELF a new one. Or, he says, "Let go to Home Depot" to do little fixes around the house, then I have to pay for everything he picks out. He is generally nice to me, complimentary, finds me attractive (even after gaining weight from the pandemic / stress of a new job / our relationship!), but I just am totally turned off by him. I no longer feel like texting him, talking to him, listening to him talk to me, or being intimate. That's one aspect that is still pretty good, but I'm never in the mood; I only give in because he eventually wears me down. It's enjoyable from a physical aspect, but there is just no emotional connection on my end anymore. I'm ready to be done. Just looking for confirmation or something, or maybe just needed to vent about it.
Thank you Brian! This really helped me during this quarantine Coronavirus time. I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a guy - and today he said something to me which was just extremely hurtful! I’m done with men who are crying babies about their past relationship and dumps all their shit on high value strong women like me. I’m out!
I feel so safe watching this. Made the break last year September and have been moving forward with healing. Felt like a death breaking away, still hurts. But I feel safe in my journey to self love x
Today is my wedding anniversary and my husband didn't remember it. When reminded him, he said that I'm just nagging him. We have 3 kids and I asked him to divorce me and he threatening me with a custody battle. He doesn't want to leave me, but don't shws me that he cares.
I always fear that nobody will like me.thats why even if I am always hurt I accept it.now when is see this vedio I will love my self first.i know my worth now thank you so much
This advice is spot on if you're in a relationship with a normal man. With a narcissist, he will probably try to win you back. But once he knows he has you trapped, he will treat you worse than ever. I am coming from the lens of dealing with and writing about past toxic partners. So if you're in that situation, just leave and don't look back!
Thank u for reminding me that I took the right decision, even though he was the man of my dreams (or that's what I thought) I never felt I was among his priorities. I had this fear and panic attacks & I used to cry so much, now I ended up I sent him a msg telling him it's over he' s seen it and never even responded but it's ok I hope he is eating shit right now 😂😂😂
DeedoodaA 88 good on you girl! It's tough though especially if we think we love the person, but I'm proud of you for standing up and valuing yourself, self love is very important, especially when we're down. I always think of it this way when I'm down, if I were my best friend, and my best friend is down or hurt or sad, what would I do to make her feel better?..
Dear Julie julie that was definitely a bad experience, I was terrified that I would lose him and that I won't find someone like him coz I thought he was the man of my dreams. I couldn't eat or sleep The best part is that once you accept yourself and know that you don't deserve to be treated like trash you become afraid no more and I know for sure whoever I got in relation with I won't be afraid to cut the relation off when I am desrespected
Watched all your videos one after the other! Bought your book just 5 sec ago! I love the way you talk, the way you move, the things you say and how you make me feel after listening to you! Geert, you are great! I just love you! Greetings from Germany
I agree about the one strike. No one is perfect but bad behavior is not ok. Mind games gaslighting turning things around on you that he is doing ... Run!
everytime I second guess my decision to leave I watch these videos read these type of books.. to reassure myself that evenif I stayed it wouldn't have turned better
“When you’re with a man who is a schmuck and doesn’t see that (that you’re high value)”... I almost fell off my chair. Yiddish from an Israeli man.....love them!
Yes he does fight for me everytime and when I get comfortable he starts all of the crap again... They only like us with one foot out the door.. I can't be bothered with games.
I’m in love with my friend, I did thousands of things for them. I can’t mention everything I did but last day I waited for 30 minutes for their reply on whatsapp. They’re online but just ignores my messages. Today they text me just for their means. I decided to leave them but every minutes my heart ❤️ remind me them. Every minutes my heart says to say sorry for the faults I never did, I feel deeply anxious all the time. I prayed to God to make me able to forget them. My this love is more poisonous then corona virus.
