The discards are brutal not to mention the betrayal from these types of people. All the things that were done all in the names of deception, manipulation,word salad, projection,stone-walling, gaslighting, unfaithfulness, inconsideration
This was and is my biggest fault and lesson. I thought everyone was like me. Giving loving empathetic helpful. But they aren’t. Try to help others but some people cannot change. You do have to let them be and avoid. Being with a narcissist was an awful lesson to learn about people and realise there are so many people like it. Sad reality to accept. I’m still stuck on certain things while every person who did me wrong seem happy and moved on and I’m stuck asking why
Hi Jo Jo, I had a similar experience with someone who helped me in my return to Christ. I couldn't understand the hypocrisy of someone who was so into Christ but thought nothing about breaking arrangements that they even suggested and would become unavailable for months and then expect to continue where they left off. The hard lesson is that they are just too much hard work. I'm saddened that, from what I've found out that these people will never change and will probably end up being lonely in life as they run out of people to use to fuel their habit
That's one of life's biggest disappointments. Some people are horrid and don't know it. Even worse, some people are horrid *and* know it.. because it's part of their M.O. Feh.
I feel I’m in that horrible sinking boat now ask a stupid repetitive question of that same Y I’m like a rat on a wheel trying to find who the heck took my crack ughhhh
The tricky part is, the act they put on in the beginning is so convincing, when their toxicity shows, you're hooked it's too late, at least that's what I experienced, but never again
Good one Joe! "You dont want to judge a fish by how fast it can run or a deer by how fast it can swim" best analogy Ive heard to describe radical acceptance.
i tried after being discarded 6 times, 3 months silence, a hoover and gving him another chance to judge my narcissist from the perspective of being informed of who he was. I know I expected the impossible, it was like a drug and I needed a fix. This time it lasted 3 weeks and I was prepared. Confronting him with the fact I knew he would discard me. Wow, this last round, I really saw his true colors and allowed myself to see him and keep the drug a far. I released it and forgive myself. I just did not want to accept all I felt and he mirrored was not real.
It’s so painful 🥵😭waves of emotions, so much cruelty 😭trauma 🙏Had to let him go I couldn’t take it😭🥵they start affecting your health, can’t change them, can’t do life alone with a corpse on your back.
I feel ya. It’s true, you didn’t. One day you won’t care. I never thought I’d get to a point where I don’t but I genuinely am just happy by myself and am totally indifferent to her. I feel like if I got into a relationship now I know how happy I am by myself so I just wouldn’t put up with that bs anymore. If somebody earns my trust now, they are a good egg. But still, I don’t need any eggs. You’re an asset to my life or you aren’t in it. Simple as that.
I love making people happy, to me seeing them smile and laugh and feeling good is just the best. However, since going through narc abuse and educating myself, I realize that I can’t just be running around exposing my heart like that until I really know I’m being with someone who is genuine and is a kindred spirit. I was devastated and also disgusted when I saw and felt the evil in some people and after years of healing, I have accepted that evil is real. But the best part is, is that love and kindness is also real. Ya just can be throwing your beautiful pearls in front of swines. Much love to you good souls. Keep the faith, just be more particular 😘
Yep. All you want to do is make someone happy and laugh only to find out they were using you, they'd never reciprocate at any meaningful level and then they discard you like yesterday's paper. (Sigh)
💫 I was the same way. I fell for the charm and the lies and things not adding up. And I saw the red flags but ignored them and still gave him the benefit of a doubt. Yeah I was the fool. But it was a well lesson learned for me. And when you keep going back to them, the narc only treats you more worse than before and the narc amps up the evil and abuse and hurt they inflict and then turn around and act as if they didn't do crap wrong.Smdh🤦🏾♀️. True evil in the flesh. God gave me the strength to see the narc for who he truly is and for me to stop being weak minded and stop going back to the same toxic evil. And since I have set my boundaries and healed and became stronger and know my SELF Worth and Value. It's nothing the ex narc can say to me. The hoover attempts, the victim playing, the weird text messages from fake numbers, gaslighting , the manipulative tactics none of it bothers me. I know he is full of crap and a very sick in the head lunatic demon and im on to ALL his headgames and lies and delusions and trying to bait me back into the toxic hell and chaos and triangulation. When we know better we do better 🙂 And I still study and learn more about narcissist. Once I understood what I was dealing with it all made sense to me. Nola9Ward ⚜️💃🏽
When all the dust settles I have come to the conclusion that I feel sorry for my ex. She is a broken human being who is destined to live out her whole life on a hamster wheel making the same mistakes and pushing good people away. She can’t help herself and doesn’t get it, I think partly due to not having any degree of empathy. Yes she abused me, yes she pushed me away and yes she smeared me to maintain her false identity but she is the person that ultimately lost out. She is incapable of taking accountability for her actions and as such will end her days alone. I can heal and move on to better times but Sandy can’t. So ultimately I feel sad for her
I too feel sad for the one I got away from. Early on so saved myself alot of grief. They live life on a cyclical basis, and don't veer from that. Very sad life
Hey, buddy. Thanks for these short videos. People like you help so many folks to overcome this kind of trauma. Not easy to get through alone! Thanks! Peace to you!
Listening to Joe speaking here reminds me of the Serenity Prayer which I encountered on my first visit to AA a number of years ago. You don't need to be religious to say this to yourself by the way. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference."
I have surrendered him to God and pray for his healing. Only God can fix him. Foolishly, I truly believed my love would heal him. I know now that is my own magical thinking. Acceptance is key. He really can’t help himself. I ask God to forgive him and help him because the trauma he suffered as a child isn’t his fault. But it’s not my job to fix him and I can’t even if I want to. These people are the opposite of life affirming.
It breaks me every second, every minute every hour every day. More i am accepting and trying to let go, i still feel an utter loss. Although all is not lost. I really reaaly loved him
Joe, this is by far, ONE of Your BEST videos you've made! I've watched this one many times, already. A true understanding how we need to accept and move on, even if it's hard. We know We can't change them and to accept who they are and stay away.
Perfectly said. 10 months later I am healed but always remember where I was, so I don’t make the same mistakes ever again. I’m sharing you with my friends.
THANK YOU SO MUCH JOE... I AM TRYING TO ACCEPT HIM, NOT TAKING IT PERSONALLY ANYMORE... IT IS A PAINFUL PROCESS BUT I KNOW I WILL GET THERE... TO HEAL MYSELF TOTALLY INSIDE
Excellent, and well said. I never had good role models coming from a home of divorce. I just wanted to find love in my life, and never be like my parents marriage. I unconsciously picked out someone like my Dad. Learned a hard lesson. Learned it over time. Thank you, and listening to you helps. Facing reality, and moving on with my life, changing me, as I can't change anyone else.
This is so true. I have had to go through a couple of really difficult toxic relationships to learn some very important lessons. Not everyone is like me, I always want to see the best in everyone and very much a people pleaser from an early age. Many people have tried to take advantage of me, some I was able to identify fairly quicky and remove myself, but others I stayed too long. Like my marriage. I have always been very loyal, so leaving is difficult for me, but I see him for who he really is and I am disengaging, planning my exit. I realize how the things I trusted him with have been used against me. It all makes sense now why it is so important to always guard your heart.
The book 'Women Who Love Psychopaths' takes away the notion of co- dependency and looks at tbe traits of people on the receiving end of manipulators. Agreeableness, tolerance, empathy, loyalty. None of these are co- dependency which is a much more severe diagnosis. Co- dependency doesn't need to exsist for the detail in the video to be so valuable. Women are brought up taught to trust by many families and tiaght to forego their own instincts. Ppatents canteach children to.doubt themselves by awlwats putting someones elses perspective above yours and being too understanding!
I especially loved the fish that runs, and the deer that swims, or the slight confusion therein. But you obviously know a few narcissists, to understand them so well.
Totally see that now, was extremely hard at the beginning but now see him as extremely damaged and he doesn't want to see that so I had to accept and honour myself and walk away, still feel sorry for him and way he was abused but can't take that on board ANYMORE, let go can't change him and saw that few years ago, he extremely damaged and can't help have to look out for myself and my family.
Susan was he abused ?or is that a ploy? They all say that. don't feel sorry for em else your still entangled .it's hard I know but that's what they want your pity .
I lived with a friends mom for many years and realised she was never happy and held alot of anger towards her ex. i felt very depressed around this person and had to leave the home....life was much more joyful distancing myself from that person. Phew- Relief! Your Talks Are All Wonderful-Soulutions Oriented and Soul Path Driven Beautiful work. Ty.
This one is a prime truth - acting in the reality (unconditional love without expectation that the narc would or could overcome the halt in sane interaction ) requires that you step into the distance they have created. The alienation made by abusive behavior is a location you have to reside. Away. Out of their life. You’re not there. You’re just a ghost. You ghosted yourself out. Jordan Peterson says this well when he says you have to push the person back if they are panicking in a way that would drown you both
This is an English accent mixed with an American. It’s so weird how sometimes you stray into British, and then you put the American accent on again. I hear you! British guy
I had an exgf th0at 0was. Just like u are talking about. She almost caused m.e to have a mental break down. I spent 2 weeks in rehab. To get my mental problems straight. Back out
I can't wrap my brain around how my daughter changed from night to day. She has hurt me so many times but acts like nothing has ever happened . I love her dearly and can't just turn my back on her. My question is, do you think that maybe these kind of people have demons inside them and can be prayed over
@@7kidsrgreat7 Her brother passed away 17 years ago but she was playing these mind games before that happened. It just seems to get worse and worse the older she gets. ( she is 32) She can be the sweetest person you have ever met and before you know it she is like a different person. She lies, she spreads rumors about me of things SHE has done(bad things)just to make people feel sorry for her,she will have a relationship with guys and it might last a year or two, then she will get rid of them like they are a piece of trash, she tells people she has cancer or other health issues. When I confront her about all these things she just acts like nothing is wrong with what she does. If I say any little thing to her that she disagrees with, she will keep my granddaughters from me. I'm at my wits end.
Everything you said is true I get it,excepted this is who thay are , i learn to distance my self for a short period ,but when it’s family and u have to see them from time to time, tell us how should we deal with it when thay act out ,in my case when i don’t agree on a certain issue then there a problem, I learn not to over react but it’s not easy 😅❤
How do they become a narcissist? I’m just realizing my husband is a narc and I’m thinking about divorcing him after 6 years . I told him I’ve had enough and boy he did NOT like it!
They are great at hiding it. I didnt realize for 4 years that he was not what he portrayed. I think alot of it was my ignoring little things he did and said that showed the truth and accepted the lie on a silver platter bc that's what I fell in love with. The lie
NO, SIR!! You ought NOT "accept the narcissist for who they are [sic]". You DESTROY the narcissist with UNRELENTING RIDICULE, MARGINALIZATION, then, ABSOLUTE IGNORANCE of his existence.
Joe this is a great video 👍 I’ve realized the more knowledge I know about narcissism it gets easier healing ❤️🩹 I used to think bout my ex Narc now I don’t it’s not even painful like before I don’t cry anymore I’ve become stronger Joe thank you 🙏 for all your information on RU-vid n Quora….. Happy Sunday Joe ❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹🌹❤️ cheers 🥂 thanks again ……
