I started my TransWoman transition in my mid-sixties. Part of my transition emotional processing was to spend some time deeply grieving over the years I was not out - to myself or to the world. Lost decades of womanhood. This was good grieving for me, led me closer to who I want to be as a new woman, grieving and letting go. The grief will always be there ready to come out when it's needed. Woven in with this was saying good-bye and 'I love you' and 'Thank You' to my self who lived as a man. Honoring who and how I was and letting it go. Can't read the same page over and over. Turn the page. Is turning the page Acceptance? I can fantasize about coming out as a younger person. I can fantasize about being embraced, supported and loved as a boy becoming a girl. When I'm breathing deep and in myself I can feel my mother brushing my hair, dressing me in perfect pretty clothes and then hugging me close, enveloped in love. Sometimes, the memories I make in deep fantasizing are more vivid than the memories I lived through when I was young, 50 years ago. Today, for now, I'm not caught up in grief or regret. It's there if I need to touch it. And at moments it leaps out uninvited but it doesn't last. As a Woman growing into myself I am learning to embrace ideas like "Be Here Now" and "All There Is Is Only Now" and "Everything is Perfect, Just As It Is". Things I have Known about it seems all of my life but that I have not before lived or consistently returned to when distracted. Release from crushing, lifetime, lethal depression makes it much easier to live in these ideas. It feels to me as if Estrogen is remodeling my brain, and my mind. I am becoming calmer, more centered. Estrogen helps me to return to myself, helps me to find and practice new ways of being. Helps me create who I Truly Am. I suppose you can call this acceptance. I love you Ashley and wish you well. Love, Erica
Thank you Erica for so beautifully putting into words the feelings and emotions that live in my heart also. I connect so deeply with every thing you said. It's as if you were reading my mind and expressing my deepest feelings. I will be turning 60 in July and have been on hormones for a year. I am only out at home. I don't feel like it would be safe for me to come out at work. It feels like my transition is out of my control now like it's unstoppable and I'm just riding the wave as it washes over me taking me where ever it will.
This is so perfect! I'm in my mild forties, and starting my transition. And bouncing back and forth between "I wish I had been braver sooner" and "I've wasted too much time" but then also "I'm where I need to be doing what I need to be doing in this moment". My life has not been wasted up until now. Maybe it hasn't been the fullest life I could have lived, but it' hasn't been wasted.
Love everything you do Ashley, i am 58 and came out and began transitioning at 56. I am more focused on getting the most out of my life now that i ever did pre transitioning
Beginning my transition at 51, I knew I had to accept the fact that there were decades of life experiences as a woman that would never be apart of me. At 51, I can't shop at Forever 21. There are.a lot of things I can't do. Okay. So what? There are a lot of things that I CAN do, so I'm going to do them. Today the the first day of the rest of your life. ...go live it.
I’m 58 year trans-woman. Out two years. One year post. I don’t regret my past. It made me who I am. I do wonder what life would be like if I transitioned sooner but I don’t spend too much time on it.
I came out as trans in my mid 20s and between feelings of doubt/denial and just being too scared to transition, I’ve only just started taking steps to transition, at the age of 36. I’m still scared and don’t really know how to move forward and take the big steps toward being a woman, but every minute of every day is spent regretting that I didn’t at least start sooner
I suggest reading through the comments darling a lot of people figuring it out to move forward. If you think you'll regret it there's only one way forward!
This was the right video for me to see at the right time. The mental struggles that I have been going through for the past few weeks were well encapsulated and examined in this video. I was also helped by the comments in this section especially Erica. So thank you for sharing your world and your insights. If you have ever wonder why are you doing this and is it actually helping anyone then you should have no doubt that yes, you are helping a lot!
Im 30 y/o and i have been strugglinh with age and posposing transition , i will watch video today. By the way ... your book have been really helpful for me and a couplw of friends , thank you!
Live everyday as if your last... be in the now...but keep moving forward...I'm 44 and the biggest reason i came out in late 2020...was because I felt it was now or never.. i really regret not doing so when i was 35.. and was right there but couldnt...and when i finally did... i realized the worst scenarios i had envisioned wasnt that at all...but everything happens for a reason and is the way it is already written..there were things i needed to do before i was ready...i knew coming into transition that its not a race.. it is a slow process.. but always still progressing and learning... its ok ..you can just be you on your own terms ..
Ashley, you must remember that at every point in your life, every decision you made was supported by your best judgement IN THAT MOMENT. We all do the best we can. If you didn't ask the girl out, it was probably for a good reason. Besides, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway. We've all had missed opportunities, but you can't dance with every bride, right? I never lived in freakin' Berlin! So you've got *my* life story beat by a mile, and I'm twice your age! You turned back from the woods because you sensed that it might not have been wise to stay???? I don't call that a bad thing, I that a very wise decision. Next time, go when somebody else is with you. After all, you're not 20 years old and feckless anymore. You are smart, experienced, sexy, goofy and your laugh is amazing. We love you for all of those reasons. As for getting old: Let's be honest. It's not great but it's certainly not hell, lol.... Yes, we're all going to fade away sooner or later, just like every other organism on earth. Shit happens. So, I'll be 69 years old in two days and here I am talking with you while I have my weed my, some Jamaican rum, beautiful cat and a DVD about Charles Bukowski to watch. Life is ok. (The only thing I'm missing is somebody like you to cuddle with, lol.) Anyway, don't think too much about the future. It will only weigh you down - which will cause you to miss more opportunities. Just remember that that you provide huge amounts of valuable perspective and wisdom to thousands of us out here who are drowning in in crazy-land. That is a very noble thing to do. In your own very personable way, you are already far more successful than most of us. We thank you and we love you for it. : o)
Wow!! I really enjoy your vids, but this really hit home. I'm 51yo and officially started transition at 46. I've definitely had my share of peaks and valleys. However the past 6-8 mons have been especially difficult. I'll spare you and everyone else the gory details, but I've questioned whether I can live as a trans woman in these times where there is so much prejudice. Finding your channel and listening to your advice, and philosophy has been a big help. Keep making these great vids that offer help and hope to a lot of people. Btw, I think you're beautiful and smart, and a great sense of humor and also down to earth, which makes you hot.
Cis bi woman here…in her early thirties…not transitioning but this hits. I know you are focused on trans which is great..but gurl, it still is very relatable for cis women. Thanks for the wisdom!
I can't help but think about a slogan emblazoned onto a pair of cycling bibs I have, "It's not the mountain we conquer but ourselves". A frame of mind I have tried to cultivate as I transition at 50. Thanks for the video. ❤️❤️
I feel you girl. I'm nearly 60 and coming out as a trans woman definitely wasn't easy or simple but when I did..ohh! The sense of relief and pleasure. You've felt it yourself. I don't think I care if I'm pretty. Am I cute? I've been told so and find it very satisfying. I do still have mental health issues, maybe we all do. I post my poetry on Instagram and photos too and generally get positive feedback. That other 'me' was quite the prolific writer and posted hundreds and hundreds of passages of self expression on various sites. Are they good poems? I don't know. They tumble out and I scratch them into the media at hand. Do they help? Sometimes but sometimes no. I've swam down so deep, so many times....fuck! I love you girl you bare your thoughts so honestly. Please never stop it might just 💔 the heart of this girl ❤️
Thank you Ashley for another timely topic - no pun intended! I love how thought provoking you're discussions always are. Thank you again and again from the bottom of my heart. Finding people that are talking about transgender issues, or just life issues in general, on a deeper, more nuanced level like this can be challenging. And thank you for setting up that discord. The conversations there are just what I was hoping I could find. Respectful, insightful, loving and genuine. I'm another person starting transition later in life (in my 40s) and it warms my heart to see all the comments here. Thank you all so much! You give me hope and perspective! For me, I can feel time passing, that clock ticking, that hourglass draining, more and more as I get older. And usually that doesn't bother me. I've always tried to put more good into the world. To leave things better things better than I found them. And I've fallen pretty squarely into the "when it's my time, I'll be ready" category. But with the start of my transition (and I'm still very early in transition) some of that acceptance is wavering. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm "where i need to be, doing what i need to be doing, right now". But I can't stop myself from feeling like I missed things in life that i'm not going to be able to recapture. That's just fact. Going waaaay back, I can remember the jealousy I felt over my prom date's dress. I can remember seeing her when i went to pick her up and thinking "that should be me". I won't get that back. But on on the other hand, I have a relationship that is the stuff fairy tales are made of (the happily ever after ones), and I raised an amazing daughter that I'm proud of beyond words. I wouldn't trade that for anything. So I'm working on finding peace with the the things I'll never have, and finding joy with the things I can have in my time remaining on this little blue marble.
14:27 resonates with me enormously. The looming threat of existential regret from not exploring the unknown was pretty much my turning point. I spent a lot of time doubting myself as a kid and repressing as an adult, so I didn't begin my transition until I was 30, but a lifetime of crushing depression practically _vanished_ within weeks of my starting E doses. whoops lol
Well, I started transitioning at 45 and I'm 60, now. I cried on my birthday when my first wrinkles appeared, until my roomie also trans and middle-aged, told me it was hormones. I felt better! I dyed my hair because I was going grey and actually felt younger! When I bought exfoliant and moisturized with olive oil, my wrinkles went away, too!😁
Thank you so much Ashley. I am experiencing the same thing you are in terms of not being able at the moment to live my best life. For me, like yourself, it is the social stuff. It's the going out and being seen out and about. To be on my lover's arm. To make love with another and not just myself. For me it is due to a lack of transportation and not having a personal attendant to help me be ready to go out. Dressing ets. as per my disability. And then there is covid too. Ugh! But this topic helped me to put a higher priority on finding ways to get past the thing that are my barriers to living my best life. Also, I am 59 years old and since I was about 57 I felt like there was a clock and that it would be all over for me after that. "My work here is done." lol But no. I have aged a lot over the past ten years. Every time I think I've had my last love or my social life is over, a new path opens up. I've been exploring sexting with one or two people who like that and for now it is helping me get through this time until I can think of more solutions to feeling lonely. Have a great day Ashley. And all my best to all who happen to raed read this.
I don't mean to be a party pooper, but as an amateur astronomer, tomorrow is the full moon. The new moon won't be for another two weeks. That is when the new phase starts. Love you!
I’m a 69 year old trans woman, began very late in life at 68 this year I will be 70 years old. I do feel my time clock is running out, I don’t want to die with male body parts. I’m wanting zero depth surgery before my time runs out. Being poly with a partner I still am in dating pool, I know my choices are few but I will not give up.
I’m 36, but transitioned right before my 18th birthday. This topic has been on my mind lately. I don’t even know what life for a trans woman is like for trans women beyond 40.
Age? AGE??? LOL! You know I think about it all the time. I mean, Jesus, I'm 72 on May 28th. All I do is look backwards but I guess being old makes me a unicorn in our community and it also gives me the tools to give back to our younger sisters and brothers. But seriously, I had a breakdown (I had a cry all day day) last week realizing my life is coming to a close and I'm just not ready for that. I want more... I got to stop or I'll cry again. Sorry.
I can only imagine, should I die before my brother, the fight about the name he's going to want to put on my headstone, should I pass before I legally change my name and sex . . .
I'm not trans, but yeah, I do feel I only have so much time , because I'm 71. But the age factor is largely relative to how long we each will live, which we usually don't know. So if you will die at 40, you better shake a leg . On the other hand, a couple of years ago I saw an interview that Anderson Cooper did with his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt , who was 92 or 93 at the time. She had been married four times and confessed to her son numerous famous lovers including Frank Sinatra, and ... WAS STILL IN THE MARKET FOR LOVE! (she admitted in another interview that she did in fact have a current boyfriend ). Ok, so Ms. Vanderbilt still looked beautiful for a dame in her 90s, was a glamorous and fascinating artist and was rich to boot. So I guess if I knew I had twenty years left , my age wouldn't concern me as much as it does, but of course I DON'T know that. And so yeah, my awareness of my age is always there . MY way of dealing with it? AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE (not 100%) I don't let it be a factor in my pursuit of romance or much else. Am I not attractive to many people? True, I' m not. Heck, I'm not even the hottest guy in the room when I 'm alone! Haha ...But I do ok in that area. Moral of the story ... Just keep swinging at those fastballs till you're buried, sweetheart (say that last part like Bogart) ...
Yes that happened when I was gonna start HRT then cancelled appointment. Then that's when regret occurred so few months later rescheduled and that's when I started HRT Of November 8, 2021
I want to see the chickens, I love animals. with growing older I feel like transitioning as a teenager would have helped with that as I won't have to deal with what changes men go through as they get older. i'm especially happy that I won't go bald.
Is your long range relationship simply an excuse to avoid dating ? Best of luck, but you only have today to live your life. How can you love what and who today?
Damn I wish I could be 40 again,. You know the great part of transitioning later in life? Nobody expects you to look like a super model,,. I started HRT almost 5 years ago, in my late 50s. Puberty 2.0 at that age is pretty interesting to say the least :)
Let's not overlook the fact (and anyone who does 8 hours of people watching will realize this) that for every single "hot chick" out there, there are myriad average or below average people walking around NOT trying to be someone they are not. If the objective of transition is to be your authentic self, then you have to ask yourself ONE question: does whatever person you aspire to be(come require a "whole human being" makeover so that you can stuff yourself into a different stereotype, or will some "adjustments and modifications" to your current life suffice?
It sounds that like me you tend to overthink things. It's a real pain in the but. I suffer from the what do I do question. Where do I go from here? Then I start looking at others to answer my questions. But the answers they give just has an empty feeling and it feels of. Something's missing. But what? What am I not getting? What do I not understand? Did they understand my questions? WHAT IS IT!? like I said. Overthinking. I wish it was a person so I could kick the crap out of it lol.
It used to be when someone said they were a monkey or a fairy, Someone would come and take that person away to to the funny farm, and they wouldn't let that person out until they could weave a basket. but now a days, everyone is told to except it. I'll agree with Ted Nugent on his famous saying. "I don't care if you want to get buck naked and jump into a pool of tapioca pudding, Just don't splash on me..
Babygirl. If you had enough mental energy and focus to comment on this tells me you watched a minimal 50% if not all the video and you were genuinely curious yourself but being passively aggressive and denial. Good luck baby girl 😘
I don't know much about dying and hopefully have allot of time ahead of me but i feel like if you can stare death in the face and not be afraid of fear you basically hold the keys to the universe. Maybe that reason to live really is just something we're willing to die for. If SpaceX wanted to shoot someone like me to Mars I'd go even if it meant my end.
The only difference between hot and ugly people is money. So Capitalism is blocking me from living my best life. Not just concerning my appearance but for having basic needs met and being able to travel or make my own home.
Hot is a college I.D. Not a million dollar 401k balance and an AARP membership. Money can speed up transition and coveted procedures, like beard removal, facial and VocaL FEMINIZATION SURGERY.But if your riding on a 50 or 60 year old chassis, its kinda of already over.
When I don't feel good I like to go to bed I love the cat curtains you are a lovely lady and quite frankly hot to us men I myself don't know if I am handsome I don't know what handsome is could you please explain what is handsome
Oh, scrolling throughout the video and get to the waterfall part. Please live your life without fears-let the inner child that walks the paths of the unknown and being a rainbows searcher. Today is uncertain, tomorrow? isn’t guaranteed. Breath, run free, enjoy no matter what. After all we’re here dm for just a moment. After all you never know until you find out. 🏳️⚧️♥️
You are hot-errrr. And Stop talking bout hot genes it's just wrong. I think we are getting older and it changes us. We are dying all the time. But your take is sooo boring. "getting the most out of it." "getting the thing. It." damn such bland thoughts. im unsubscribing. "i did just the right amount" soo not smart. Amount of what?! it?! We all live with regrets. They are good. The question should be rather: did you pay attention? If you did alot of stupid stuff or didnt do enough, then did you had a nice cry about it? Did you dwell in the drama? Or did you just ignore IT? your life?! It seems like you missing most of your life. I work a monotonous full time job. But when i feel sad and as if I'm Goin crazy i just listen to some dark monotonous music. Or make some dark monotonous music. I'm not afraid of regrets. I'm just afraid of not feeling them. I'm not hiding from being afraid. All i want to do is feel what i do. I don't like the thought of trying to take control of my life. I have influence. That's enough. If I'm too concentrated on taking control i could miss what is actually happening all my life. We live. We die. If in between things happen, cool. Don't miss it.
Well, well, well! Such as life. Yes, it’s an amazing feeling living your life to the max and have pretty much everything you desired, advantages on so many levels-I’m a testimony of this being Hot 🥵 Gurl, since the age of 14 years old I was already a little teen girl back in the late 80’, and the 90’s a was a Baywatch type of gurl (enough blowing my own trumpet) now in later years I’m suffering a lot as a “Gurl “ maturing physically and your not 20 nor 30 and body changes so you find yourself thinking why did I wasted so much precious time why wasn’t I smart enuff and finishing school ( was impossible back in those days), yes an artist career as a dj and later music producer mix engineer. Unfortunately in this type of business age counts especially for us as a fresh 20’ years old is right in front of you. I would need a bigger timeline to really go in. So growing up and mature it can be quite mentally challenging the acceptance of the new you. So as an advise-concentrate on a business-career that will have longevity and when you hit 40,50,60 you’ll feel in a better place. But all ‘n’ all? I can say I lived and the world 🌎 was my oyster 🦪 despite the times 90’s that is. I was a model, a dancer, and then finally I’ve embarked the journey into djing and music productions. Be prepared. Trust me. Especially nowadays I don’t suffer this new era a disposable one-I can say that despite the lack of technology back then we had so much more living in the “ streets “ no pun intended . Good luck with your project(s)
You are hot-errrr. And Stop talking bout hot genes it's just wrong. I think we are getting older and it changes us. We are dying all the time. But your take is sooo boring. "getting the most out of it." "getting the thing. It." damn such bland thoughts. im unsubscribing. "i did just the right amount" soo not smart. Amount of what?! it?! We all live with regrets. They are good. The question should be rather: did you pay attention? If you did alot of stupid stuff or didnt do enough, then did you had a nice cry about it? Did you dwell in the drama? Or did you just ignore IT? your life?! It seems like you missing most of your life. I work a monotonous full time job. But when i feel sad and as if I'm Goin crazy i just listen to some dark monotonous music. Or make some dark monotonous music. I'm not afraid of regrets. I'm just afraid of not feeling them. I'm not hiding from being afraid. All i want to do is feel what i do. I don't like the thought of trying to take control of your life. I have influence. That's enough. If I'm too concentrated on taking control i could miss what is actually happening all my life. We live. We die. If in between things happen, cool. Don't miss it.
