AITA for banning anyone who critiques our parenting from meeting our baby? 

I'm really horrified that a woman, of all people, would think that "one full weekend a month is enough" for a father to be with their kid. Do people still think that a child is the mother's responsibility and that whatever the dad does is a plus? Does she think that you (if you're a dad, apparently) should be able to divorce your child? It's bizarre to me how this culture of discarding your "old family" if you have a new spouse was ever a thing.

Charging your kids rent while they’re still in high school just because they turned 18 is cruel to me 😢 let them at least finish school

The OCD one made me viscerally angry. As someone with OCD I know firsthand how dangerous it is for someone to not disrespect your triggers at any time. Throw in new meds and the mental after effects of pregnancy and birth, plus lack of sleep and stress of having a newborn, and you’re sitting on a volcano ready to erupt. Fuck those people, and well fucking done to the partner who laid down the law and protected her.

When I was a new parent feeling overwhelmed with all the advice, a quote from the “Sunscreen” song caught me off-guard: “advice is a form of nostalgia” - and I realised in some cases (obviously not all!) a lot of the advice was actually coming from a place of reliving fond memories rather than telling me I was doing it wrong… and now a few years on I try and remember that, and stop myself imposing my memories on other people that really don’t need them in that moment!!

With the first one I think it could be quite easy: you say how you want the feeding/changing/whatever to happen and give them the opportunity to do it like you, the parents, think it should be done. If they refuse to do it like that, then don't let them do it. I am not a parent but a close friend of mine recently became a parent. They gave me instructions on how they wanted things done, then watched me do it, and now I can be an extra set of hands. They welcome suggestions from me, because they know I am simply giving them options. In the end, it'll happen how they want it.

So as a stepmom, I’d like to bring some nuance to the last story. A new person coming into the family will and should change the dynamics, and, yes, finding the right new balance is tricky but it’s SO hard to find your place as a step parent that if the narrative is « things work perfectly for us this way so we will not change anything » it’s just impossible. Let me be clear : I would never ask my partner to see his kids just a weekend a month, that’s just awful. But the Christmas thing… I get ! Before our relationship, my partner still celebrated Christmas with his ex, the kids and his ex in-laws. Our first Christmas I was celebrating with my family and he was with… his ex family. I felt really weird about this but felt awkward asking for anything because for me kids come first. So I did not ask for anything, I just shared my feelings and thankfully my partner talked about it with his therapist who told him « she is in your life now , some things will change and you can’t act like everything is the same ». You can’t imagine what a relief it was for me to hear this : I felt validated, I felt like it was ok for me to take up some space and that some things would be adapted so that I could fit in. So, yes, Christmas is different now and kids don’t celebrate it with their 2 parents anymore. It was a bit hard and sad the first year but not even a thought the second year. We actually celebrated with my family and my partner’s kids love my parents so they were super happy to celebrate with them. We still celebrate the kids’ birthday altogether and we all have a good co-parenting relationship. But yeah some things changed and it’s ok. So maybe the stepmom is not approaching this the right way but maybe just maybe she struggles with finding her place in all this, and maybe she wasn’t so at ease with everything from the start but didn’t feel legitimate to say/ask anything and it built up.Again, some of what she’s asking seems extreme to me, but I have empathy for her because being a step parent and especially a step mom is SO hard. You have to take care of the kids but not too much, remember you’re not their mom even if you do everything a mom does. You also have to come to terms with the fact that many life choices are not an option anymore like moving cities for the next 10+ years. Etc. Anyways, I think this couple needs to talk it out, maybe get some couple’s therapy, before ending it all because maybe she just needs to be heard and validated and for some slight changes to be done. Kids ARE the priority but some changes can be done and things can be different without being necessarily bad or harmful for the kids !

That last one, "1 weekend a month is enough" - if they had a kid together is she only going to have him help her one weekend a month? That is his daughter every day, she doesn't just stop existing when they aren't together!

The video you suggested is a great idea; please think about doing it. I'm not sure if I fit easily into your core audience, as a 64 year old grandad. But, fwiw, here's a thought or two. Our son and his wife had a baby girl back in November. Their first child and our first grandchild. We are on fantastic terms with both son and daughter -in-law (I really hate that legalistic expression). They are amazing parents and clearly love the little one to bits. But, every so often, something they do as new parents makes me cringe - not supporting her head when she is picked up or held, for example. However, my wife and I have talked through what I suppose could be called a protocol. Firstly, no unsolicited parenting advice. Ever. Secondly, if we see or feel something that is worrying we consider whether it is seriously worrying (happened once). Then we question whether it is something that merely exemplifies the difference in parenting from our direct experience 30 years ago. If, after all that, it's still a concern, we might intervene. But the manner of the intervention is deliberately not advisory. That's a bit of a sod in practice, but fortunately we are both relatively good with adapting words to situations (I am a retired psychotherapist and my wife spent a lot of her career as a facilitator and negotiator). Given all of that, it's still a sod. I seem to be presenting us as model grandparents. That's not my intention. I think that all I'm trying to say is that although we have opinions, ways of doing things etc. we are firmly of the view that our advice would be gratuitous and inappropriate. With the single exception I have described - which is not framed as advice but rather as casually mentioned memories or conversational reminiscences. Only three months in, and the protocol is scarcely tested. But perhaps we are getting something right - we've just been asked if we could care for our granddaughter one day a week. We're far, far away from being perfect. As are we all. But about one thing I am certain - advice is not on the routine agenda. End of self-justifying ramble. ❤❤❤

Story 2: One of my siblings has a learning disability. The rest had no (obvious) learning disabilities (at the time), and we all had different standards and expectations set for us... because we're all different people. All of us did programmes in school that were challenging for us personally, even though they're wildly different programmes, but what makes it fair is that we all fought to become the most capable version of ourselves we could. One of us finished university at 19, another finished college at 25, and another still is going to trade school. And that's how it should be! You HAVE to adapt your expectations to fit your kids' abilities! The world is already going to ignore your kids' disabilities and treat them like scum for not being able to keep up with the majority in certain aspects of their lives. Why would anyone, as a parent, want to undermine their own child by also ignoring their struggles, instead of helping them find themselves and allowing them the extra time they need to set themselves up for success? And you know what's the most important bit? Our family will go through hellfire for each other. Even though we're living vastly different lives now we're (mostly) grown, if anyone needs help with anything, someone's gonna jump in and do the job without a second thought. Imagine giving up on that bond because of some f'd up sense of "fairness".

In the first one I would have liked to hear what the commenters think, like Shaaba does in her videos. What was the verdict of the community? I really enjoyed the others where people stood up for their loved ones. Especially the one, where the aunt helped out the young adult with the learning disability, but also I really felt for the mum who couldn't take her meds during pregnancy. That is honestly my horror scenario. It was so good to hear how her partner protected her.

"Do I have to decide on these or can I be on the fence?" Give us a badge Hannah! 😂It's either YTA, NTA, ESH or NAH, we all have to commit to one, lol.

Story 2: this is a simple equality vs equity situation. Some kids need a little more time to wrap their heads around adulthood and a little more help to find their path. The mother giving the kids the same ultimatum and not recognising how one might not be ready for that is heartless. Especially because he has learning disabilities. Also a person fully develops into an adult around the age of 25, so idk, kicking them out at 18 feels like abandoning someone during their formative years. And last thing: charging your child for living with you when it was your choice to have them, not theirs is... Yeah.

If you want to help someone be the best parent they can be: offer actual support, not advice/ comments/ judgements. Meaning: take something off their plate, like cooking, grocery, laundry, taking baby for a walk, etc

My mother-in-law’s rule about giving advice is that if it isn’t a matter of life or death, she keeps her mouth shut. And honestly, I think that’s a good policy for grandparents to have.

I think a pretty important point with the 18 year old nephew is that he is not lazy tho’?? He finished school despite learning difficulties, he trains to be an electrician, helps around the house etc. If he was just bumming around it would maybe be time for some tough love but he seems to be doing well? Such a strange mum

I have a lot of opinions about the rent one. First off, charging your child rent while they're still in high school is crazy. Second, I do think there are ways to charge your kids "rent" that are better than what that mom was doing. For example, I've had friends whose parents said that if they weren't in college and were working full time while living at home, then half of every paycheck had to go to "rent", which for them meant putting half their paycheck into a savings account. If that's what that mom meant by "rent", then I think that that's a lot more reasonable. Either way though, that kid isn't "learning to be lazy" and mooching off others. He contributes to the chores, he's in school learning to become an electrician, he's doing his own thing at his own pace.

I feel like the mom in #2 thought she was laying down hard rules, but then didn't like the outcome of her own rules. You told your 18 year old son he needed to pay rent or be evicted from your home. Son then finds an alternative living situation (yes there is a little more nuance since the aunt offered but still) therefore following the pay rent or be evicted edict. I would also argue the son is "paying" rent in unpaid labor at the aunts house.

In blended families, my main thing is that the child(ren) is/are ALWAYS the vulnerable party in the situation. They are the dependent ones and should always be taken care of first and foremost. If you get into a relationship with somebody who already has a kid, you need to understand this. When a couple has kids it's normal for them to have less time just the two of them and for a large chunk of that time to be spent with the kids and that is to be expected. So I will never understand why new partners of people who already have kids suddenly expect to get priority over the kid and for the parent to take away time with their kid to spend with the new partner. Ofcourse it's reasonable for the fiance in this story to want holidays without the ex present. It's even reasonable to want to go away just the two of them sometimes. However to suddenly reduce the time with the kid to one weekend a MONTH is completely unfair to the child. The child is not going to understand the reason and will most likely feel rejected and replaced. OP should prioritise their child and find a partner who respects their responsibilities as a parent.

OMG the second story??? You never have to survive "on your own" in the """wild""". Community is key!! it's not mooching off people's kindness, it's literally what it means to be a human. these people ARE assholes. I think it goes further than being ableist, it's just... not being aware of how humans have survived for thousands of years. having kids is in my plans in the next 5-10 years, and i am worried about how family and friends could be with them. i am mostly worried about their views on educating children with violence. so i guess weeding them out with their comments on how holding their head or what sort of crib we have would be helpful 😄

On telling other people your thoughts on their parenting, keep your mouth shut. Unless they directly ask you and even then, answer with caution. I also wouldn’t criticize them with other friends, there is always a chance that it could get back to them and no one wants to be in that situation! Only if they are doing something that is putting their child in danger, would I say something about their parenting choices.

That second one, I can understand charging an adult child rent, but one who's still in high-school? How is the kid supposed to work to make this rent money while he's still in high school?

the second story reminded me of how lucky I am that I don’t have to find somewhere to stay as a 23 year old who couldn’t finish college and can’t get a job (mostly due to mental health struggles). while my mom isn’t happy with the arrangement she’s at least a little more understanding than my older brother who only sees me as lazy/failure/selfish for depending on my mom. he’s also a recent father so I hope he doesn’t react the same way if his daughter doesn’t live up to his expectations and has to stay at home longer than she ‘should’ or can’t get a job.

I feel so hard for the first one. My mother is one of those people that if you give them an inch they will take a mile! And unfortunately for everyone involved I need to put very hard boundaries so that we can have a "functioning" relationship. This becomes a very big problem because my dad has no need for those hard boundaries and we always run in to the problem off "why you let him do/say/insertanythinghere and not me". Unfortunately I have resolted to doing the same this as the person in the first one in the most direct way possible, especially since if I say something sutelly she will go to find room to misinterpreted it and do her thing. At the beginning I had to deal with my mother crying and saying things to sway me and that ether bend me or I had to spend hours to reassure her that I still love her (DON'T EVER PUT YOUR CHILD IN A SITUATION THAT IT HAS TO TELL YOU THAT!) A more lasting chance came when I decided to treat her like a five year old that is having a tantrum that I am not going to grand. We can talk about it but emotional blackmailing is not happening. It took about 3-5 years for me to see any real progress in our relationship. I still to this day never give her an inch which is really sad PS. Please feel free to coment anything you like but please be respectful, especially if you "disagree". Writing even a sliver of the trauma that we carry on the internet is very vulnerable

Eeww! The thought of a situationship going terribly wrong is awful! I would hate that to happen to myself! I don't have any problems with situationships. They aren't disgusting if they're consenting, contextually appropriate and you enjoy that moment but what is disgusting is the awful thought it tears the former dynamics of the former friendship up and complicates further when co-parenting. Yikes! I actually think I have had 2 situationships and I potentially might be in one now and definitely treading on eggshells!

That second Am I an Asshole sister is ableist. I've a disability and couldn't have paid rent at 18 because I can't work in retail/ service industry and needed a third level degree / training in order to work. Thankfully where I'm from has Disability Benefits for 18 year olds, but not every country does.

The one about refusing contact sounded much more serious in the title. In the post it was explained, that they mean it for the first month or so. Dude, in first few months you should be able to close the door to the whole universe, if you wished so. No additional anxiety for any new mom, thank you very much.

Personally I think it's okay to tell another parent what has worked for you as long as you don't expect them to do the same unless they want to 😊 But you have to be careful how you tell those advice, so that the new parent don't take it the wrong way❤

I think what I’ve learned here is: people are assholes to parents

No kids but I will say I do judge peoples parenting and might even say something if I know them and if I think they’re doing something damaging. Kids are not the property of their parents and it should be on others in society to voice concerns if they have them.

I'd absolutely adore you doing this again as a collab with Melanie Murphy 💕

My mum's rule with paying rent: if you're still in education or training, no rent. If you're not in education or training, rent, below market rate and includes food, utilities, wifi etc so its not really rent, its more just a rule that you can't live with your parents for free and do nothing, and if you're earning and living at home then you should contribute to the household. 18 is way too young because, as the second poster points out, this kid hadn't even finished school yet! I knew a guy at 6th form who lived independently and he had to work basically full time hours at McDonalds to afford rent, and he ended up dropping out of 6th form because it was too much to juggle. Why would you deliberately bring about a situation like that for your kid for no reason?

As a parent, I think the advice thing is completely nuanced so a blanket rule isn't very helpful. I think it depends on the person, how the advice is given, how sensible it is, and how they react afterwards. For instance, let's say a friend says something like "I tried this bedtime story app to help my kid sleep, maybe that would help you too?" - that's great. I'll probably try it and I wouldn't feel in anyway negative about that advice being given, even if I didn't ask for it. If I were to say I didn't want to try that for some reason, I trust my friends would be chill and not mind. Compare that to like a random stranger comes over and says "You're holding your kid wrong! Back in my day we held them upside down!" and you're like "ok, right, I'll stay how I am thanks" and they're like "how dare you, you should be grateful for my wonderful advice!" = 0/10 no fun for anyone 😆

Please make this a regular video! Loved it !

This was very satisfying to watch 😂

YOUUU are so wholesome, you always make my day more grounded and calm when I watch your channel!

I'm not a parent or someone who gives out parenting advice but often I see people on the internet going way too hard with the "don't tell people how to parent". Because while surely there is a lot of unsolicited advice that's just annoying and people pushing their own opinions on others, sometimes people share, what seems like, genuine advice that the parents should listen to. Because sometimes parents online share that they're doing something that's not beneficial, harmful or downright dangerous. And maybe they have no idea and would like to know. Or even if they're in denial, they should be told if something they're doing can harm the child. But there will usually be plenty people yelling at those offering that advice. I think trying to help a kid not be harmed should triumph the fear of being annoying.

We have a very similar situation with the first one, and I can say he is not an asshole if his mum is anything like my mother in law. She is a "give her an inch and she will take a mile" type of person. We have tried to let her in multiple times but every time we try to trust her she steamrolls all our boundaries.

It is so interesting to hear about how people’s parents act. Being Southeast Asian, I think I am so used to dealing with criticism and unsolicited advice from my parents and family members that I forget that’s not normal until I hear stories or responses like this or encounter healthy families 😅 Having boundaries and being “the asshole” for your/your partner’s mental health is crucial when dealing with people like this! It is much easier said than done though and takes a LOT of practice. You have to have a lot of patience and discipline with yourself which is not easy. I totally understand if someone chooses to cut ties rather than dealing with someone as existing and raising a kid is tough enough on its own.

Charging your kids rent at 18 is generally such an asshole move. It's such an individualistic, capitalistic mindset. You chose to have your child, they didn't ask to be born and didn't ask to participate in an unfair economy. There could be myriads of reasons while some young adults live at home past 18, the job market, housing crisis etc etc.

Some of these are wild! I can't fathom pressuring a woman to breastfeed, especially one struggling with mental illness! There's a big difference between encouraging breastfeeding/advocating for it and pressuring, nobody should ever be forced into such a huge choice. The only logic I can see behind the 'critiquing pictures' would be safety related. I've told a few new parents I know that their sleep setup is unsafe (positioners, heavy blankets/lots of teddies etc)/baby isn't in the car seat properly because I'd never forgive myself if something happened to that baby and my duty is to them, rather than to protect the feelings of an adult, but I always try to be sensitive and handle it with care because I know how emotional early motherhood can be, especially if the mum has ocd and anxiety. Some parents think correction on safety is mum shaming, and it's not, but if it was anything more surface level/opinion based than that they have 0 right

1 NTA 2 NTA 3 NTA. OCD seems hard enough to deal with, the people around her should be helping her deal with stuff. The husband seems like a good person, it was nice to see him stand up for his wife

Yesss, on the patreon video!

Hannah, those were great answers. I think that because I agreed with everything you said! Very wise!

loved this video format; if you make more of these please give a little summary of what the commenters underneath the posts said! would love to know if the commenters deem the posters as assholes or not

I am the grandparent and it is difficult to watch my granddaughter basically being raised by the internet. Your generation obtains nearly all parenting instruction from the internet (which is not always filled with the best advice/instruction/information). My generation sought guidance from their parents or other older family members. So, it is a huge adjustment for us when your generation doesn't seem to want any input from us (because you can Google it). We are not used to this. With that said, I keep my mouth shut. I have, on occasion, asked if I can share some advice and my daughter has said yes and then I share. Otherwise, my lips are zipped. But, it is hard.

I cried at the co-parenting one too 💔❤️

Re patreon video about the peanut posts, i don't think it's fair to use people's actual posts that they have put up in confidence for the purposes of entertainment. When people post on niche forums like that they do so with an understanding that readers are likely going have context around the topic and can offer sympathy or critique from an informed position. Bringing a post out of that context and broadcasting it to a general audience, to my mind, only invites malintentioned misunderstandings. It's different with AITA because the posters are asking for judgement on a forum that is known to be wisely public and subject to a mixed readership. However, a generalised video where you didnt read specific posts but used commonalities in the posts to talk about gender dynamics in cis-het relationship seems fine in my mind!

I’d love to hear some parents’ opinions on this: I’m 25 and child free but expect my friends will start having kids within the next few years. I struggle with the idea that nobody’s allowed to have opinions on other people’s parenting (I realise the fact I don’t have kids could be a big part of this lmao). A lot of people say there’s no right or wrong way to parent, but that’s completely untrue and it’s pretty harmful as a concept. For example: A parent being on a diet makes the child 8x more likely to have an eating disorder as an adult. If I was hanging out with a friend and their kid and the friend started talking about their diet, I’d refuse to go along with it and (gently, tactfully) tell them that this is damaging to their kid. A lot of parents genuinely wouldn’t know how dangerous this is and I’m sure would want to have this information. Regardless of how they feel about it, their child deserves to have a parent that’s aware. An extreme example is if a parent thought that hitting their child is in their best interest, which a lot of parents do. It seems totally inappropriate to not say anything because ‘there are no right or wrongs in parenting’. Like I said, super extreme example, but it gets the point across. I agree that it’s wrong and frankly weird as fuck to nitpick and criticise people’s parenting choices. But when it’s things that are important and harmful, it also seems inappropriate to not speak up. There are absolutely right or wrong ways of parenting and evidence based ways of doing things. Do I think all parents should follow evidence based ways of parenting 100% of the time? Absolutely not, that’s a ridiculous ask and is basically impossible. But I do think the idea that parenting is beyond criticism is strange and unhelpful. Kids come first, the feelings of the parent should be secondary.

My mum was a strict parent in that we weren't allowed to stay up late, we had home-cooked meals most nights and couldn't get McDonalds whenever we felt like (we grew up in Tameside, the heart attack capital of Britain so this was considered strict!), we couldn't watch things on tv with violence or sex etc in it. My mum was probably "too good" at not judging my friends parents because, tbh, she never really explained why we were being raised differently to other kids at school, so I never really understood it and thought she was just being mean for no reason. Most of the other parents were kind of jealous of my mum that she stuck to her parenting rules and never gave in despite the whining of me and my brother of "but everyone else is doing it", but they also thought she was too strict. Idk if that is helpful advice or not but that's how my mum did it!

Loved this!! but it would be cool to see the comments too

For the last one, I think what the fiance is asking for sounds like a big change from the current situation. But I also feel for her if she never feels like priority. There are ways to make compromises and allow the fiance to feel she has some control within the relationship and their household. I know from personal experience, that it is very hard to not feel like someone's number 1 priority when they are your number 1 priority. So finding ways for the fiance to feel wanted and needed by her future husband will help. I hope they managed to find a middle ground that works for everyone because it would be sad for them all, including his child, if they couldn't!

in terms of judging/unsolicited advice - my thought process is always 'is this a life or death issue, or just a preference' for example: car seat installed wrong/a new toy has choking hazards/cot has blankets etc - give advice/let them know in a kind and non-judgy way. but for everything else...who cares? i feel like this is just common sense tho??

100p people should keep their comments and unsolicited advice to themselves. Im not a parent but have a big "fur baby" and GOD. The amount of unsolicited advice and bs I've encountered from other people, telling me how to raise/handle my dog is insane. I go ballistic everytime and I can only imagine I would feel the same if I have a child. I truly don't understand people's needs to budge in. They can judge me silently from afar, just like I am judging them. That's being polite.

Did anyone else think this was going to be about j pouch/permanent stoma when they saw "asshole/not an asshole"? 😂

I love AITA videos as well! Would really love to see more of these from you 😊

The thing about help as well as advice is, IT IS mental load to think about so many things as you have to do as a new parent. Unsolicited advice or help adds new items to the mental to-do-list. Not only are you forced to choose or refuse, which can be hard for many people. You also have the rat tail of how to refuse help or advice, without crossing the people you still like but can't deal with due to the stressful new parenting situation itself. And unless it is a threat to the child, just offering the possibility of help or advice instead of specific lists of do's and don'ts is the way to go. Is there something we can do? Yes No Maybe under this circumstances. At least this is my opinion.

I'm currently navigating how to deal with unsolicited parenting advice. I have a 10 week old at the moment, and I'm learning how to be the best parent for him. Neither myself nor my partner want to parent the way we were parented. Generally, I'm of the opinion that if it relates to immediate (long-term can be argued) safety, or if it was a convenience that worked with them, I'm happy to have unsolicited advice when phrased empathetically. It's hard because child safety evolves so quickly. I'm more likely to take advice from peers (less than 10 years since youngest child) and science/data research over my parents' generation and practice based parenting because I want to do what we NOW know is safe and works best. I understand that previous generations didn't have the internet for advice, and want to fill the role they aspired to have in grandparenting. The internet took that away, and that is a hard adjustment

No kids yet (planning on starting this year) but we have 2 nephews with whom we are very close. We disagree with a lot of their parents methods and parenting as a whole. But we have the rule of never ever telling anything about it. When the parent is in the room we don’t parent the kids. And obviously when left alone with them we do with our techniques. Try to gentle parent a kid who get screamed at all day and you’ll see how well it work. I’m terrified of the boundaries I’ll have to set up in my family because, basically, I’ll probably be the 1st AITA you read. My mom was a helicopter parent and she will continue with my kids it is for sure. My grandma will need a little boundaries conversation too, especially regarding food. No diet culture in my kids mind thank you.

I am so happy you are doing this and collaborating with Melanie Murphy you two are amazing strong women 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

Hope you had a good weekend Hannah and your family! You are amazing inspiring and so proud of you 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

That first story was a bit weird. I'm wondering if the person was actually writing in real time and not expressing himself well, but I think probably a lot was left unsaid. As far as crossing boundaries with naps, feeding, and changing diapers, I can imagine ways they could criticize his parenting style and even try to violate it pretty easily. Give the kid food the parents don't approve of (like maybe they don't want their baby to be given sugary foods or drinks with caffeine or whatnot, and his parents don't see "giving a treat" to the kid as a big deal). They might have issues with how often a diaper's changed or what kind is being used. They might think their son so have a stricter nap schedule or none at all. Idk. You're probably right, Hannah, that this guy is just being a bit of an a- towards his parents for past issues and projecting that onto their relationship with his kid, but they well could be crossing his wishes and not respecting his parenting choices. I just don't know. Wish it'd been written better! Lol. All the other conclusions you came to with the other posts I agreed with totally! Especially those parents who wouldn't let their kid live with them while going to school without paying rent were totally the a- in that situation. Ugh. Loved this video! Hope you go down this reddit rabbit hole again in the future! Lol :)

Me and my husband judge certain peoples parenting but just privately between the two of us. Hell there's a lot of shit we say just between the two of us that we'd never say to anyone else lol!! But we just bank it and decide how we want to raise our own kids. I'd never give unsolicited advice and don't outwardly judge people or say they're doing stuff wrong. I'm positive there are things my husband and I do that others would disagree with or judge, as is their right as long as they don't bring that shit to my door, crack on! Haha

Ryan George (the Pitch Meeting comedian) published a video today on the same topic 😂

9:32 lmao most of my friends have full time normal people paying jobs and none of us can move out because its too expensive, bro paying rent at home?! hello we cant afford rent anywhere

"Things don't change when you get married". Well a lot of people don't know about that ! x) Feel to me like this person fiancée see his child as a potential threat to their futur child/ren.

I love this video thank you so much for sharing this 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

Yessss I love AITA , more of these !

I feel like I'm allowed to have strong opinions and morals on parenting and can apply that to my own children and parenting style BUT I appreciate that everyone is just doing their best and making the best choices for them and their family. For example, I am very passionate about breastfeeding my daughter and am so privileged to have done so successfully however, I have friends who bottlefeed/combi-feed etc and they have made the best choice for themselves and their families. I am capable of simultaneously hold my own opinions and morals AND respect other people's decisions. I'm in a wonderful Mum's group where we sometimes ask for advice, as we're all new to this. The mums on there tell their experiences, share resources etc and I guess give "advice" but ultimately there is 0 pressure and we all respect everyone's individual choices. We would never dream of judging or critiquing each other and I feel that this is a healthy relationship. I hope that makes sense.

Thanks

When you read the comment about how the mum was holding the baby wrong I imagine her just holding him up by one leg and dangling him upside down 😂

I think the first one was NTA, but yeah I do see why you're a bit on the fence because the reasoning he gave for excluding his parents didn't seem to really make sense for the extent to which he was excluding them. I just think there's probably more context there and he knows if he lets that boundary down even a little then all his boundaries are going to be trampled over... I have that type of family lol. also about the "relationship doesn't change after you're married thing" like right?! But it's so weird, my brother recently got married and ever since then his wife has been so much more open with the family. I guess that's less to do with their relationship and more to do with her relationship with his family,, I just didn't see it coming at all. She was always welcome in the family and even lived with us during lockdown but she was always super shy and wore nice clothes in the house always like she was dressing up for a fancy dinner 24/7. But since they got married, I've seen her in *slippers* and she was even chatting to me about a disagreement she had with my brother???? It's great, I much prefer how it is now, I just don't understand why being married changes anything

For the second story, I completely understand charging adult kids rent, but the fact their kid was still finishing high school and was starting to be charged? For my family it has always been if we are still living at home when we get our first full time job, we will start contributing to bills (more formally since we contribute before then too). Also for the final one, the fact that anyone could think their partner would be happy with just one weekend a week to see their kid that it sounds like they are currently seeing a lot more than that is WILD. In terms of giving advice in general to parents, I think it is appropriate if it is either to do with the safety of the child, or is advice to make something easier for them (eg suggesting getting clothes with a zip if they struggle to do up the pop things), but other than that I think it is best to leave it to the parent unless they specifically ask for advice about something

Normally I don't like AITA videos but this was fun!

I like this video, please do more

If the Kid is urs, u Parent said Child in the way you and ur partner have Choosen. Other people can comment on it and such, but what is said can vary from being helpful to just an attack. I think it really depends on what is said and then that Define's the person being not allowed to meet said child.

Personally I quite often don't say anything about somebody's parent style, but I will speak up if I see a child who is being clearly abused or neglected or if the parents are doing something actually dangerous that could potentially injure or kill their baby.Examples would be weighted sleep sacks, babies bones are not strong enough to uphold the weights used in these types of sleep sacks and it results in infant death and stretchy fabric carseat covers these are known to trap in heat especially in the summer and can result in infant death because it gets too hot. As a mother I also will stand up for other parents because I know how hard it is. I have stood up for parents in stores because others have commented very loudly on their children acting up in the store. Once a "Karen" said "that children who act up in stores should be removed", I told her that what she said was not ok, and that parents shouldn't feel like they need to leave. This woman was not happy that I confronted her about it, but I did not think it was fair for her to say who gets to be in the store and who doesn't. With the first story I understand completely why the new mother is asking her parents for help. I have a similar situation. My mother is incredible and has never made me feel silly for asking for help, where as my MIL makes me feel stupid for asking for help. I don't feel safe asking my MIL for help.She has only ever stepped over healthy boundaries that I have put in place since my 18month old has been born. Where as my mom has empathy for me, so I feel safe asking her. It could be that this new mom feels safest asking her parents for help, because her in laws may make her feel unsafe and like her boundaries won't be respected.

Please do that Patreon video 🤣

In regards to having opinions or on giving unsolicited advice to parents I feel a bit conflicted. On the one hand I find that it is not usually helpful to inundate new parent with lots of advice and critiques on what they can and should do differently, parenthood, and especially new parenthood is stressful enough as it is. Also considering that there is not one best way to parent, beyond providing love and ensuring basic needs, there are many ways to parent. What feels right for one parent will feel alien to another, and we should not put to much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, good enough is good enough. On the other hand I find that if we truly want to change our perception of parenthood as an individualistic endeavor to a more community based one (it takes a village and all that) I think we need to be more open to others having input on how we raise children. Part of caring for a child, whether its your own or someone else's, is to try to provide what's best for them, and sometimes that means giving and receiving unsolicited advice. Of course it matter in what manner and when this advice is given. But yeah, a bit conflicted.

I'm 5 months pregnant and already getting comments. I'm a strength athlete and some people thought I should stop lifting weights altogether. I love cold plunges and we went to Finland. I was not overdoing it (neither the sauna nor the cold plunges, always watching my heart rate) and people still had their opinions about it. Also I'm not showing that much yet and of course people had opinions about that, too (although the fetus has been measuring one week ahead in all scans so far and I can already feel her moving from the outside at 20 weeks). Opting for a home birth with my first one. People asking for the names we are thinking about choosing but them wrinkling their noses as a reaction when we tell them. Seriously, I'm putting a stop on those comments from the very beginning. I have no patience whatsoever and I'm not replying politely. Who do they think they are? My doctors? My personal trainers? My partner? I really don't care that they mean well, they need to stop giving unsolicited advice.

HANNAH PLEASETELL US IF THAT MAN MARRIED HIS FIANCE!

Helping with feeding and nappies is fine. But if you do it just to tell me that I'm doing it wrong, then no thanks. I'll do it myself.

hey!! I think you should change the title, not everyone knows what AITA means and might not understand the video cool idea! 😊

Hannah, not everyone views marriage in the same way as you. Most of my friends are Catholic so, when they get married, they're not in "the same relationship they were in before" because prior to marriage there is no sex or living together. Not everyone is that extreme, but many people still have some notion of marriage being significant in that you become a family after marriage. Not everyone feels that way, but many people do, and it sounds like the third poster's fiance feels this way. She clearly thinks that, once she gets married to the poster, they become a new family unit and he should leave his old family behind. She's an AH for disregarding his daughter, but not an AH for wanting things to change after marriage.

I do sympathize with the stepmom, but you just can't have your fairy tale ending when there is a kid involved who you don't see as part of it.

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

💖

💛💛💛💛💛

I don't get it. You have people in your life who have successfully raised a child to become a functioning adult. Why wouldn't you want their advice? They have probably had to solve problems that first time parents can't even fathom yet.

I've been having a tough time with my 'father' and his long term partner. Basically, the partner 'hayley' kept making comments about my parenting that really upset me, for months. I have anxiety and low self esteem. I made a video explaining everything, how she made me feel, how I know she didn't mean to hurt me, why and how things upset me ect. Hayley and my 'father' completely over reacted, took nothing but offence from the video and made out I have deliberately hurt them. This was over 6 months ago. I haven't heard from Hayley since, but my 'father' has since accused me of being a "dick of a daughter" that I have never apologised, everything is my fault and I have "completely demoralised" them. I did apologise multiple times. I have also tried to make amends by sitting and talking face to face, several times, which have all been completely ignored. My family have pressured me into trying to sort it out but I've told them I have tried. I theorise that my father is insecure, has low self esteem himself, and is pushing us away to feel in control of the situation and to make himself feel better. He has never been a great father all my life, and he's still always made me feel like I'm not good enough. At the end of the day, Hayley had no right to say anything. The situation with my father isn't even about this video I made anymore,it's about him refusing to admit he has faults and to make any effort, not only to make amends, but to even see his granddaughter. I cut my mother out years ago as she and her partner were emotionally abusive. They have never seen my child. Now I feel like I need to cut my father out too.