Alien: Covenant Review - YMS 

The sexual tension between Michael Fassbender and himself in this movie was the best part. It was genuinely hilarious.

Why did Michael fassbender and Michael fassbender have so much sexual tension in this movie like wtf

Now I'm not gay, but seeing two Michael Fassbenders and then one Fassbender exclaiming "I'll do the fingering" made me question everything.

The first hour of this movie was so boring that my friend farted and it got more of a reaction out of the audience than the film itself.

"We didn't leave Earth to be safe" nah, just to save humanity no big deal who cares if we die?

It would be funny if someone​ recut the flim as a anti smoking PSA

Budget: 97 million. James Franco's salary: 90 million. I have this from very unreliable sources.

"this is gonna be the scariest one" apparently nobody remembers what watching the original Alien for the first time was like.

It's clear that you have ZERO taste when it comes to anime. This was another Miyazaki masterpiece.

Prometheus budget - $120 - $130 million Alien: Covenant budget - $97 million It at least explains the CG.

For hybernation pods they made axe-proof glass, but a windscreen in a carrier's cockpit (that should be very sturdy) is easily fractured by light pecking from a xenomorphe.

>tfw Alien: Isolation is the best Alien-related material within this century

I have surge protectors now, you're telling me in the future they don't have surge protectors on their _super mega expensive and important spaceships?_

"Then david kisses him and stabs him in the throat"

You forgot how an alien 360 karate kicked Walter in the face. The alien knows karate....

The entire movie should have been David's story, shown from his perspective. He deliberately causes the storm, he deliberately sends the song, all to bring this ship to his planet. It would be about him "getting the orchestra together" to join his piano playing from the prologue. He's been tinkering and testing these aliens; they are born faster than xenomorphs, but as a result they are very weak, like soft-shell crabs. He needs new human subjects, so he brings this ship to his planet. He just didn't expect an entire colony ship. He cuts his hair to look like Walter before they ever see him (to avoid that ridiculous hair-cutting scene), he sends them data about the planet that obscures the storm and makes them think the atmosphere and flora/fauna are perfectly clean and identical to Earth. But they still wear helmets (BECAUSE NOBODY WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO NOT WEAR HELMETS ON AN ALIEN PLANET) and start to doubt this place after the data they were sent about the storm and the flora/fauna proves to be false. There is no black goo, nothing goes into anybody's ears. David sends weak little neomorphs after them and they kill a few but are surrounded. He saves them, so they need his help. They get to his tower of terror and immediately tells them he's holding them prisoner and, if they kill him, the aliens will come get them. But it's a bluff, the aliens are all too weak, which Walter realizes. David manages to disarm Oram and force him over the egg, the facehugger gets him, and falls off before the crew find him. They just think he's unconscious so they bring him back to the ship. Walter finds David, they duke it out, David defeats him and cuts off his own hand and tells a still conscious Walter what he's going to do. So Walter will still be "alive" on this planet with the alien ship, which he might be able to restart and go after David. Plus, David is so vane, he can't bear to kill his own likeness. Before he leaves, David downloads Walter's memories so he can pass any test the crew gives him, which THEY IMMEDIATELY DO. They all get on board and go back to space. The FIRST AND ONLY TRUE XENOMORPH bursts out of Captain Oram's chest and runs around the station, killing everyone. Daniels defeats it. She gives David one last test because she's suspicious, he fails, and she tries to fight him off. He overpowers her and forces her into cryosleep. Now he's got control of the colony ship and is headed for the original planet with some alien eggs. _Fin_

Stretch anything out long enough, and the fabric will tear.

Danny McBride talking directly to the camera and a James Franco cameo? This _was_ a comedy.

I still think that David was the best part of this movie. And was the best part of Prometheus too. Maybe it's because he feels more like a "blade runner" type villain android than an "alien" one. He is clearly in the wrong movie.

In a world with a bunch of identical-looking androids going around, you'd think they would have some kind of easy method of identifying them individually. A serial number on the back of the neck or a radio transponder or something.

James Franco performance in this movie was lit as fuck.

first 20 seconds, "Luckily I don't really give a shit." Adam gon' tear this one up.

Ridley Scott has this fucking annoying tenancy of trying to make Alien into Blade Runner, by which I mean he's desperately trying to make it into an allegory for the nature of humanity, really really badly. I find it way, WAY more annoying than Ridley Scott stealing Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shusett's credit for creating Alien.

How did the guy who got acid on his face survive that? Didnt the acid melt through all the floors in Alien ? Like how did it not go through the meat.

Hey Adum, will you ever make a video on 13 Reasons Why? I noticed that you gave it a 2/10 on iMDB and I'd like to hear an in depth review from you on it.

*looks at spoiler warning with time stamp* damn thats like 90% of the video, this is the hardest decision of my life....

Worst part is after chestburster scene, alien stands up, and immediate david like he is some type of mother of him. And music didn't help either. Such a fantastic scene to ruin whole alien mytho.

What pissed me off the most is where David ask Mother for music, he asks for "Das Rheingold act 2 entrance into Valhalla" Das Rheingold is only one act and "entrance to Valhalla" is at the end of the opera. If the film went so far to reference the opera, get the info right.

My favorite parts of the movie were when the male characters say out of nowhere "hey that's my wife" and then not too long after they die. I swear you could make a drinking game out of this movie

Here's the thing about the walter/david thing at the end. His hair was cut perfectly like Walter's so it really, REALLY shouldn't have been David. Honestly it would be so much better if it really was Walter and he turned corrupt from David's words.

You forgot the part where David kills all of the Engineers, thus robbing us of ever learning why the Engineers hate humans. **spoiler alert**

I feel like Covenant did to Alien what Andromeda did to Mass Effect. Sure, it's a horrible disgrace for the whole franchise, but holy shit, it's so hilarious I had tears of laughter the whole way through it.

"Let me do the fingering. You put your mouth here, and blow." I stood up and was like, "OH COME ON!" And then once David kisses him I said, "Well this makes way too much sense."

Quick science point. Neutrino's are particles that practically never collide with anything. There are currently thousands of Neutrinos passing through you right now but they nearly never interact with matter. Your first Neutrio collision occurs when you're about 14, that's how unresponsive they are. So, for a Neutrio burst from a distant star to cause an overload in the super high-tech space-sails, the quantity of Neutrinos would have to be so impossibly large, the number doesn't bear thinking about. Such numbers of Neutrinos don't occur in any known cosmological events, even Supernovae, so this plot initiation point is just silly.

"Got your nose." Alien: Covenant in one sentence. Tragically bad movie.

i got kicked out of the movie because i was laughing way too loud

the scene that made me go "Wtf" was when the first guy was spazzing out and the lady locked in the room walks up to him, and FREAKIN HUGS HIM! I was like "Wtf?!? this guy is shaking, screaming and spitting up blood and this lady walks up to him and HUGS HIM!?! WHYY??" but once his bones cracks from his back she then backs up scared and I was like "No duh lady!! what do you think was happening!?!"

>Quickie >18+ min. I'm sure he loved it.

"also the captain was james franco for some reason." hahahah that's exactly what i thought

"I'll do the fingering" If you've ever had clarinet/flute/sax lessons, you'd know that's a genuine thing.

I will say this was better than the first After Earth.

Hey Fam, Let's not wear spacesuits on this alien planet, I mean it has oxygen, airborne pathogens? pffft you're crazy. Also make sure we don't have a contamination protocol for the Med-Bay :/

I thought David hated humanity because his father made him serve him tea that one time in the opening.

Its funny that the reason some people dying in Alien Covenant is due to their own stupidity.

Oh my god was there REALLY fucking Audi product placement?

Whenever your ship experiences a power surge you get james franco as a captain

I kid you not, when I saw Prometheus, the bit at the very end, where the baby Xenomorph pops up and then cuts to black, followed by the credits. I said aloud, in a crowded theatre, "You have GOT to be KIDDING me!" The theatre laughed. Thats when I knew that movie was in trouble.

8:50 I'm glad I'm not the only one who found the slipping on blood scene hilarious. People where giving me confused look in the theater.

I was laughing so hard when the one woman was shooting at the mini-alien near the front door of the ship and kinda just shot all the explosives, and blew up the ship. You could NOT fuck that up more

I am so glad you made this. This movie was like getting stabbed in the face with everything you love carved into a knife.

That whole sequence with Daniel tied to the roof shooting at the alien and Danny McBride banging around that weird colliseum I was like, just fly vertical. Why are you driving this ship like a drunken sailor? Use the Y-axis!

Umm... The flute scene was obviously there to show the difference between the 2 androids. It showed that David could create while the other couldnt.

I T ' S B E E N 1 7 Y E A R S

I was visibly angry in the theater, mainly because I expect so much out of Ridley Scott.

You know what the problem is? In old Alien, you had the plot moved when smart people dealt with a problem. Even breaking the quarantine in the beginning was a clever scene: it sets up Ripley as the villain, which gets inverted later. In Prometheus and covenant, the plot can't move forward until someone does something really stupid. The company that set out to find alien life refuses to tell anyone until they get there. The scientist who made the map gets lost. The colonists trying to find a new home just stomp around an alien planet inhaling all the foreign bacteria. The guy who didn't trust Michael Fassbender follows him into an obvious trap. Hell, even the engineers are stupid: the one that gets woken up doesn't use this advanced ship to just shoot down the enemy ship on a collision course. And then when he crashes, he for some reason wastes time to go throttle a lady by hand. These guys don't have guns? Or weapons? Or anything? Their entire defense relies on mutution goo?

why cant the xenomorph just join in on the sex scene bruh

When I went to see the movie, I was the only person in a 200 seated room, so I was just shouting 'run bitch' or ' pick up a gun moron' and laughing the whole time

Ridley Scott is the next George Lucas *and I mean this in a bad way.

i found a plot hole (yay) you can see a xenomorph skull in predator 2 on a trophy rack, predator 2 is set in 1997 so by that point david couldn't have made the modern alien yet, so this means ridley scott is stupid or the predators can time travel

you know the alien characters are stupid when the most competent character is danny mcbride

You and redlettermedia for movie reviews are the only honest reviews I watch

Most obvious ending in cinematic history.

A story that tried to be deep but, just had deeply stupid characters.

This movie sucked. Its plot is that of a B movie slasher flick. People doing incredibly stupid things and getting killed by the monster/psychopath. I personally find it difficult to enjoy a film where nearly every character is an idiot. Short list of stupid actions and decisions: * Not using the shuttle airlock upon landing. * Exploring an alien planet without a vacc suit. * Letting a guy puking black goo from his lungs back into the ship without quarantine. * Not vigorously debriefing David as soon as they got to the city. * Allowing a woman to go off by herself (who gets killed). * To be followed by the captain who goes searching for her by himself (and gets killed). * To be followed by yet ANOTHER woman searching for the two missing people by herself. * The captain is ready to put a bullet in David at one point but 5 minutes later puts his face in front of a face-hugger pod simply because David says so. * Not fully debriefing Walter/David before going into cryo-sleep. * Not broadcasting an incident report before going into cryo-sleep. * Not installing a hazard beacon in orbit. * Not waking up some of the settlers to search and decontaminate every inch or the ship.

I feel like the plants that make you turn into an alien are way more efficient than the face huggers. I mean think about it: you go for a wee and step on some plant shit, boom you hoste an alien. With the facehuggers you gotta go in a cave or something, go to a weird looking egg, let a facehugger get you, he lays an egg or something in your stomach, stomachburst alien shit comes out and eventually grows.(sorry if I didn't get everything right, I never really gave a shit about alien)

I imagine adam using windows movie maker for all his previous videos

it has been years and I still can't believe that woman left that other woman to die with the guy with an alien inside of him

I remember that when James Franco's charred body was ejected into space, I just burst out laughing (alone) in the theater. lol

that feeling when youre watching past yms videos and he just uploads out of nowhere at the same time

I was super excited to see this movie.

You didn't say anything about NEUTRINO DAMAGING THE SHIP. Is this youmoviesucks or idontcareaboutphysics in movies?

As an Alien fan, I really felt insulted. Prometheus at least looked nice. Ridley Scott has gone crazy for a while, but I never thought he was capable of such mediocrity!

This background music reminds me of Destroy All Humans.

Its insane how the original took so much care in making the alien as a species make sense in an evolutionary sense. its acid blood,breathing pipes, black colour, exoskeleton. But knwo its whole lore and history of how it was created makes no sense. great

Oh, man, I loved that scene where the tiny Alien appeard as a full grown Xenomorph but in pocket size and did that Randy Orton taunt...

It was kind of shit. My dad fell asleep after around 20 minutes (he woke up before the "cool" stuff began) while my sister and I were genuinely interested with the choices of editing. It did seem like more of a comedy than anything. It took itself too seriously. I honestly forgot about that women closing the door on her foot. Also, of course the scene with just Walter and David was oddly sexual. They kissed during another awkward exchange. There was also a really weird choice made when the chestburster stood from the captain. It looked like a tiny full grown Xenomorph. When those doods are born, they bolt right after due to being vulnerable. That scene of those small Xenomorphs attacking the crew shouldn't have happened for a longer amount of time.

i missed you daddy

Can you do a 13 reasons why review

Everyone in the theater literally laughed out loud when David told the captain to look in the pod. It was great.

It was right around the time of the shower scene that I realized that no one involved in this movie had even a modicum of respect for the audience or the original film.

my name jeff

I can just imagine Adam laughing over everyone in the theater in a moment where everyone else in the theater is gasping lol

This is a grumpy work of art, hope somebody puts the actual footage over it when the blu-ray comes out. That's the only reason to be excited for that release.

"There's a plasma storm in the thermosphere"

holy shit an actual video

Daniels controls the big claw, not Tennessee (Danny McBride). Tennessee only releases it from its storage position so that Daniels can use it.

The guy who put his face in the alien pod was a marine. Apparently some of the crew were supposed to be former marines. I guess none of them suggest doing any recon or secure the area while the whole bridge crew wanders off star trek landing party style.

I love the way Adum paraphrases the dialogue between the characters! It's amazing! 🤣🤣🤣

But why would he just toss a lit cigarette on some uninhabited planet that no one knows anything about??

When they go to the new planet they clearly say that its a better planet than the planeta they were searching for

I like how they named it Alien: Covenant. It's already halarious that you named it after the SHIP but now you're going to tell me I SHOULDN'T think about watching streamers come out of Halo Grunt heads and Master Chief saving the whole ship.

2:53 that sentence scratched my brain in a very nice way. Thank you adum

Wort wort wort.

In the flute scene David is studying Walter because he already has his plan to switch with him.

Michael Fassbender: I'll do the finerging Michael Fassbender 2 (and me): Make it so, Number One

you'd think they'd put more effort into the firearms props rather than just an Aug with a rail kit

Shitty movie, and I saw the ending twist coming a mile away, but I really enjoyed the "Don't let the bed bugs bite" line. I was one of the minority who actually liked Prometheus and wanted to see where it went, but after this shit-show I'm done with this franchise. So much potential squandered.

I've only seen Alien and Resurrection, so this one was pretty good

The whole time I was watching that movie, It bugged me how many times they each went off by themselves, like wtf. They're on an alien planet and they don't know what's really out there.

For some reason at 0:43, Adum saying "I was able to enjoy it as a comedy" and Fassbender's head turn matched perfectly.