"when you're happy with how you look, you're more attractive" as someone who got godlike charisma out of nowhere when I began transitioning, 100% agree
This makes me really happy to hear. I am so self-hating and pre-transition, constantly wondering whether or not I should transition. I've always been super shy. I feel like I would be more confident if I transitioned and it's so nice to hear other people say they are
You could be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like peaches. If someone isn’t attracted to me, I don’t start thinking something is wrong with me or my looks, it just means that he isn’t my person.
Had a huge breakup last year. He wanted to "solve the riddle" as Jarvis expertly put it. He wanted to logic me out of my feelings. During the conversation I focused on myself and my decision making because I didn't want to hurt him with specifics. I simply said, "I don't want to be in this relationship and I no longer want to try to make it work. I just don't want to. You shouldn't have to beg and debate someone into loving you. That isn't fair. They should want to give it freely." In a way I took on the bad guy role, even though there were mutual issues, in order to show him that we both deserved more.
@GeRia-be3js To clarify, I did say there were a lot of reasons I needed to end the relationship. A lot of them were things we'd discussed at length prior to our final conversation. Without getting into all the trauma, I wasn't able to care for myself let alone someone else. He knew everything that was happening in my life leading up to that point. I was not okay and I told him I wasn't okay. He still had deep feelings. If I'd emphasized what I was going through, it wouldn't've given him peace. Instead I listened and held his feelings, told him I couldn't give him what he wanted, that I didn't want to prioritize continuing our relationship, and that he deserved more than what I didn't want to give. While tough and unpretty, we walked away as amicably as possible.
i think the ideal 'feedback' from any relationship is just 'was it something i did, or is it just something you feel'. if it's something i did, i would like them to tell me, briefly, what that thing was so i can apologise to them properly as they leave and to grow from it! but if it's something they feel, then that's that, and i can walk away just knowing that it wasn't meant to be with no more elaboration than that.
I feel people miss that dating is like...a trial run? To see if a relationship works? Sometimes it takes a week or 6 months or however long, and then one party isn't feeling it anymore. Doesn't mean anything in particular is wrong or that you need to change, and that can be frustrating, but sometimes you try it and it just doesn't fit. And that's okay.
yeah, ig ur right. i see people treating dating like "marriage sans legality' when its not? its just figuring out if you really do work with that person you like. dating isnt an automatic "i love you to the moon and back" its "i want to try this with you"??
nah, you really shouldnt start a relationship with someone unless you can see a future with them. Don't date random ass people, make sure you know actually know the person beforehand and know you like them. This is why best friends make the best relationships. You shouldnt date someone to get to know them, thats setting yourself up for failure. Know someone so you can have an idea of if you wanna actually be in a relationship with them before you actually make the commitment to be in a relationship with someone. Because a relationship is a commitment, it shouldnt be this casual little thing, thats what hooking up is for. Viewing it as a trial run is how you get hurt and worse, hurt others, that shit isnt cool to me
@psychomike2235 I didn't say date random people, I meant dating is seeing if a relationship actually works. You could be best friends with someone for years, then try dating and discover it doesn't work, and go back to being friends. You could date someone and it goes great, move in together, and suddenly are completely incompatible. That's why you don't just get married immediately, how do you know if you can see a future (marriage or what not) with someone without dating them first to find out?
@@yung.alchemisthow exactly are you supposed to see a future with someone before you know what they’re like in a relationship? like idk sorry that you got dumped, but it’s not their fault.
@@when-do-we-get-a-block-buttonMarriage is a social construct. For plenty of people, dating is marriage sans legality and that’s fine too. Remember that gay marriage was only legalized in the US nine years ago? You’re missing a huge cultural aspect here
Far more than one. I don't have TikTok but I guarantee this dude's comments were full of girls who were interested. But they probably don't live anywhere near him, or have never been on the same apps, or have different hobbies that keep them apart. Luck is such a major part of this.
i sympathize with him so much. when every relationship feels like it breaks down because of “physical attraction” that can be soul crushing. there is someone out there. i’ve had people straight up tell me my boyfriend isn’t conventionally attractive because of his pockmarked skin but i don’t care. that dented skin keeps the most kind and gentle man the world has ever been graced with alive. i could not care less what his skin looks like. he’s perfect to me.
My stylist tips to be more attractive: Host a podcast with your best friend where people say you look alike but they're just being racist but then start to grow a similar hairstyle and facial hair to your cohost
I have to say, everyone I have ever dumped or simply said "we're not compatible" to has demanded to know why and literally not left me alone until I told them exactly why. So for me this goes two ways: you don't have to tell someone why you're dumping them but also don't interrogate the person that's dumping you unless you're ready to hear that they just don't like you like that.
I think "we're not compatible" IS an acceptable reason to give for a breakup, and they aren't entitled to any further explanation after that. But if you're breaking up with someone by just ghosting them and not saying *anything*, then it would make sense for people to inquire about the reason.
@@queencleopatra007 I agree that "we're not compatible" should be a good enough answer, unfortunately the people I was ending things with didn't feel the same way. I've never ended a relationship by ghosting.
Genuinely, that's not your fault or problem at all. If someone is desperately clinging for reasons and things to change, that insecurity itself is what they need to work on rather than any details about themselves.
personally if someone ever breaks up with me, i hope they'll just tell me why they did. if it's something i can't change, then i'd have the assurance that we're just incompatable and move on. and if it's something i CAN change, i'll take notes for future relationships but if she withholds the reason(s) because she thinks it would hurt my feelings, then i'll never know why the relationship ended, which would bother me way more than being told "sorry you're too short and i like tall guys" or whatever
Thank you for acknowledging that some of us just aren't attractive. The people that say 'love yourself before you expect other people to love you' are the same ones that are already attractive even in their non-traditional bodies. I'm a girl and my entire life, I loved myself. I was confident, maybe a little annoying, but I didn't care what others thought about me. So when I grew into an adult and had never had ANYONE (except a younger girl, and that was NOT going to happen for obvious reasons) express any sort of attraction towards me, I began to feel self-conscious. I stopped putting myself out there because everyone wanted to embarass me, or it was just awkward. I stopped loving myself. I still don't. Because no matter what I do, love myself or not, I will never be enough. and I won't be gaslit into thinking that all I have to do is love myself more. For example, there have been multiple times where I have been friends in a trio. Then one member of the trio gets a girlfriend. Then the girlfriend gets jealous. But never jealous of me, jealous of the other girl in the trio. Neither of us are flirting with the 3rd member, but I'm never even seen as a possible love interest to anyone. I don't want anyone's pity, I just want people to stop gaslighting me. Stop making me feel like all I have to do is become more confident. I WAS confident, until society told me I don't belong.
Hey yo! Just want to say that I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way. I know it’s hard to love yourself when it seems like others don’t. But I would gently suggest that you try loving yourself regardless, love yourself for you, not for others. Why? Because even if love never comes to you (highly unlikely but let’s assume that’s the case), you can still enjoy the other facets of life. You can enjoy the warm sand under your feet at the beach, the cool air in your hair, getting a drink with your friends, checking out that new bookstore. You can marvel in your ability to improve as you pick up a new sports or learn a new drawing technique or get really good at a video game. You can feel exhilaration from a job well done or learn how to pick yourself back up when you fail at a task. You’ll get to experience life through your own eyes and hands and mind, not through that of others.
As a hideously ugly person, I relate. Over 30, no one's ever wanted me and never will, because I'm too ugly. It's just a fact for some of us, not a self-esteem issue.
@@jijitters Have you never seen a person you consider ugly in a happy relationship? Not trying to be condescending, but it's sad that people think relationships can't be fostered on mutual interests. There are also complexities of attraction that go way beyond whether someone looks like an Instagram model. But perhaps you need to think this way because it hurts less. Keeping your heart open hurts. I get it. But thirty is pretty young. Some people find love at 50, 60, 70. You can be irritated with me for this reply if you like, but I do hope that if some part of you still longs for love, your own "never" will be disproved some day. I understand that it hurts to hope, it weighs on the soul, but I do hope for that for you, if it's something you want.
@eldritchtourist I'd never be in a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to. Why would I ever expect someone to want to be in a relationship with someone unattractive like myself? It's just logic and measuring compatibility. This modern generation seems to embrace asexuality but not all of us want to join in. Sex matters to some of us. Of course looks aren't everything, and many more things must be taken into account. But no one wants to be in a relationship with someone they don't enjoy looking at, that they don't get aroused by. Some of us will never have anyone look at us that way because we are unpleasant to look at. A relationship without sensuality and attraction is meaningless and uninspiring.
His energy comes off as insecure which isn’t attractive to me. But his looks, objectively, could be anywhere from meh to great depending on how he presents himself and who he is inside.
Probably not the ideal response but he looks perfectly average to me. Normal as fuck. I can't imagine that his appearance alone is the only problem or that it will be forever because he just looks like a normal guy.
There's also the pheromone factor...some people literally aren't going to smell right, and you might not consciously realize it. People focus so much on the optics it can be easy to forget how much the other senses can come into play when it comes to attraction.
Physical attractiveness is in grand part directly correlated to perceived health, you can improve how attractive you are by getting fitter, getting your teeth whiter, your skin clearer, you hair better groomed and so forth. Doing all of this will also improve your confidence which especially for men is extremely important. It all comes down to our ape brains, apes are more likely to mate with healthy individuals for the offspring’s survival and confident males are more desired than meek males because they tend to offer better protection. Humans are just the smartest apes.
I was scarred physically as a young child. So for the majority of my adolescent life I hated my appearance. It wasn't until I was 19 and started dating that I realized it had little impact in most people's view of me. There were still some dicks who would see my scars and get weirded out.
If you feel like you should be less honest with someone or less upfront when you brake up because you're afraid they are insecure, then your just disrespecting them because you are selfish and don't want to be seen in a bad light or feel like you are responsible for upsetting them. Being honest with them is respect, if they can't handle the truth, that's not your problem. You did the right thing, you gave them closure as best you could. Honesty takes tolerance.
Style is weird. It’s subjective but also kind of not. There are people that are objectively stylish and those that are objectively not and a huge middle ground in between. IMO “fixing style” would mean finding what type of clothes, colors, accessories, hairstyles, etc look good on you and you feel comfortable in. I have a feeling the guy posting the original video doesn’t know what looks good on him.
@@W4TSKYMy guess as to why style is semi-objective is because it’s based on the average opinion of the populace. That’s probably why different countries have different senses of style.
I’m not the most conventionally attractive person I have acne, a big nose and big teeth but I fucking love the way I look. I’m a pretty confident person, outspoken and I don’t take shit. Lemme tell you people really give like 20% of care to your appearance
I was really high when I watched this, I looked away for a few min and looked back and thought Jarvis had like greenscreened cloned himself on the couch but like he clearly didnt so I was wondering wtf was going on.
As a sorta maybe kinda ace person i can count on one hand the people I’ve been physically attracted to… but when I have been, it’s always because of something I just cannot explain…
I feel like it was his mannerisms. He feels so robotic. His mouth was barely moving when he was talking. He wasn't loose at all. If he can change that, I think he'll be alright.
I mean, his girlfriend *just* broke up with him, and he's clearly nervous about making this video. It makes sense that he would be a little stiff here.
He's on camera in emotional distress and being vulnerable after just having had his ego bruised. It's not fair to judge his typical daily mannerisms from that.
My first thought was how he looks like Ted from HIMYM and I thought that was super cool lol. I think attraction is important and I've told guys that i don't feel the energy or w.e during a the "talking" stage. Its a difficult thing to do, but its also a difficult thing to hear.
I do think you should give SOME reason to your partner as to why you're breaking up with them. source: was in a relationship for 4 months before they broke up with me without explaining why, not having a reason made the following year VERY difficult (what was wrong with me? what didn't I do? etc)
Respectfully... would it have made you feel better for someone to give you something very specific as a reason? Especially if it was something you couldn't fix you know? I understand it hurts to be left without any seeming reason, but it also hurts to be left at all. Idk, but I hope you're doing better now.
@@IWillNeverReadYourReplyI feel like it’s obvious that a specific reason, ESPECIALLY an unchangeable one, is better than no reason at all. If it’s a changeable reason it could delude me into thinking that if I fix whatever it is I should get the person back*. An unchangeable reason however is fantastic closure, because if I’m told “I can’t stand a core facet of your personality” or “one or more of your physical features are repulsive to me” then that truly is a compatibility issue. Instead of mulling over forever whether I’ve unknowingly done something cruel or made some kind of embarrassing mistake, I’ll instead pivot to looking for someone who. I don’t know. _likes_ those qualities about me? *if it got to the point of them breaking up on the spot instead of communicating what I should change long beforehand, either what was wrong was so terrible that the other person’s opinion of me was irreparably warped, OR: the person doing the breaking up is absolutely unhinged and dumped me over something I could’ve just changed if they communicated, which means it would be a bad idea to date someone that terrible at healthy relationships
The problem with loving yourself is of you don’t know who you are then what are you meant to love? What if you’re a social chameleon, how do you love that about yourself?
