All Narcissists Do This - (Excellent Diagnostic Tool) 

They don't need to be in a mental hospital they need deliverance.

Best and hardest thing for me was to realize: I DON'T MATTER. I'm a replaceable to them. BUT, I matter to ME.

narcissism is a terrible terrible thing to experience we need to learn learn learn all we can ..there are so many aspects to it,mental physical spiritual .

I stepped out of my marriage of 42 years. Never thought I had married a Narcissist. His ways were always evil , abusive and toxic. He had many supplies and always denied it. He lied, and lied. I am at peace now but still very hurt.

I can relate to this video. My ex fiancé could be very loving, caring, and affectionate but if I said or did something that he didn’t like, he would turn into the most uncaring, cold, heartless person I have ever seen. It was like being with two different people.

Only someone who has lived through the pain can articulate it as well as you have done. Great video. Well done. 👏🏽👍🏽❤️

I told my (now ex) husband, "You get more pleasure out of cruelty than you ever did out of being kind."

This happened with a new 'friend' - she seemed to be a real soul-mate friend - mirrored my interests - she was Jewish and turned up wearing a crucifix etc etc. I did not invest much because she had nothing good to say about anyone else and I was her 'only' friend. I then started to delay meetings and this enraged her she turned up at my door at 8.45 in morning demanding a photo she had given me and then ended the friendship when I was clearly annoyed. So glad I kept most of my personal stuff to myself. This lady was a brilliant opera singer who sang in opera in Paris!!! gifted, funny, intelligent, beautiful and charming. Thank God I am old enough to have twigged this was too good to be true. Such relief!!

Oh yes when the mask comes off. It is truely shocking but the key to knowing for the first time for sure that this is the real person.

They study exactly what you want in a relationship to lure you in with he mirroring and making you feel like you have your soul mate😢

I was discarded literally overnight after a 27 year marriage. I remember "feeling" she enjoyed the process, I saw it in the smirk and eyes. I do still shudder when I think of it....but your absolutely right, once you crawl through the fog, learn to accept the truth, life becomes much better and fulfilling. It took me 4 years regain myself. I'm 5 years out now and life is simply great. I'm available if someone wants the buddy program. Thanks Paula for the videos

They can make it so cruel & torturous that you have no choice but escape. Like you're drowning & have to save yourself with that last breath of air to live.

For me it has been just over a year of freedom. It's painful and horrible to go through this. When I met him I desperately needed to believe I was loved. And I did, for 4 years. The last year together I kept hoping to see some signs of him not hating me, not understanding why. I'm one of the lucky one's. House is mine and when I had enough I made him give me the keys as he was about to gosth me yet again. He never got in again, although he has tried many times. I promise he will stay the same. And I promise this is not about him. Because I am not the same. I made it through every lesson and learnd all I could from this. Most importantly I know the happy, the good, the honest, beautiful and the strong all came from me. It is mine just as it is your's if you gone through this. Remember that good people. The happy and the wonderful is in you. When all is said and done my friends, it's yours and you will always have that in you. The narcissist will not.

The technical term for "pleasure-cruelty" is actually in German: "Schadenfreude"! Like contempt it shows itself for example (unconsciously) in an asymmetrical micro-expression, one corner of the mouth lifts. Abdul Saad offers a great explanation for the phenomenon in connection with covert narcissists. It is deeply cruel!

I could never understand how someone who is suppose to love you could be so totally cruel. That term - pleasure cruelty dynamic really fits! Thanks for all you do Paula. I am 3 years out now but you are still helping me 😊. Narcissism affects so many relationships, not just romantic ones. I am grateful that I do not have to live my life in their shoes. It has to be a terrible existence.

When my wife dropped her mask , I was shocked ! I felt like I married an alien from hell

Hello Paula and community. What you explained and said deeply resonates for sure. I’m 5 years out but there was a period of mourning the person that I thought he was. This is a normal part of the grieving process. The patterns of the abuse cycle are always the same. They enjoy bringing us to the highest high to then also bring us to the lowest low. You are correct that they are creators of illusion and deceit. Sweet and mean cycles (pleasure and cruelty). Narcs are evil and when the mask completely comes Off, we truly see them for all the evil that they really are. What you described is the “grand finale” and this for sure, is always a tell-tell sign that you are dealing with a narcissist. Victims often experience a lot of cognitive dissonance due to tons of gaslighting and future faking by the narcissist. It takes a while to get out of the fog and see things clearly. Light and love to all. You can heal from this. The best revenge is a good life! 💕💗

Oh wowsa! Exactly 100% true that happened, soon as i questioned his behaviour i was discarded instantly that day !

After I was discarded, a mutual friend who is a counselor, asked the narcissist in text; how are you guys? The narcissist said "I am doing great! And that I (the empath) was the one not doing so well." I was in pain and shock. The narcissist received power from my pain (sadistic). You are right; it is not normal. I have read lots of books on narcissism, sociopathy, and psychopathy, and toxic and abusive relationships. I am dismantling the narcissistic illusion and helping others. The narcissist has destructive and sadistic spirit.

I have lived with this over 50 years, and I honestly no longer know whether I AM THE NARCISSIST, or if I just recognize narcissistic characteristics in myself after having studied and sought counseling for so long. I ONLY today LEARNED that my husband is a COVERT narcissist. It has all been so confusing! But, after this man's visual description of the Covert, I could see my husband, and finally understand why I am so confused! ONE of their weapons! Still, I have much to overcome, so I request prayer from Christians for my ability to discern and change myself.

My Ex-Wife - NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP IN A MENTAL WARD! THIS HAPPENED ON 11.20.2023 AND THRU CHRISTMAS THE " SMEAR CAMPAIGN " , AND THE 2ND WEEK OF JAN. WENT TO BE WITH HER HIDDEN SUPPLY IN GALVESTON BAY, TEXAS FOR A WEEK TO " TRY HIM OUT ", WHILE WE WERE STILL LEGALLY MARRIED, DIVORCE WAS FINAL ON JAN. 22, 2024. I WENT TO GO GET A BLOOD TEST IN (FEB. 2024) TO SEE IF I WAS OK, CAME BACK - [ NEGATIVE ] THANK GOD! THEN IN MAY & BEGINNING OF JUNE NOW IN THERAPY DISCOVERED SHE IS A NARC! I AM DETERMINED TO MAKE IT!!!

All my breakups have been of the narcissistic variety. Always devastating!

This explains a lot. My wife was so ecstatic when i was so sad as she was leaving. I thought it was just the high of a new relationship, but no. She was high on the cruelty. My sorrow made her utterly happy and completely joyful. She was singing loudly cause i was dying inside and she knew it. Wowza. That's just unimaginable, the inhumanity.

Are you ok Paula? Thinking of you. I am LISTENING TO Irish music already. Always remember my granny crying around St. Patrick's day. I want to share with you what I bought. I got a little dog. She is making me calm down. No time to worry about myself right now. Dogs can heal your heart. Sending blessing to you from USA.

Miss Paula, if there were Emmys or certain quality rewards for content and richness given out on RU-vid, this video would surely get one. Thank you so much for all you continue to share and teach and do for those of us who have suffered narcissistic abuse. You truly have made a great difference in my awareness and healing. And I’m sure I speak for most all of us when I say Thank You, you are The Best. Please keep up the great work! 💜

“Next food source” - spot on!

Oh, I could write a book about my 34 year marriage with a narcissist! A whirlwind from hell! 2 years no contact! Still healing!

From my own experiences of a being or thinking I was in a relationship with the narcissist. Your never at peace or in real safety in your own home or there’s. It damaged my body and mind was a whole lot of stress throw the body as you don’t understand your not in a relationship. Takes a few years too feel better but life is really better away from them as there very damaged but they all end up alone as no one can be near there dysfunctional behaviour each day. Bless everyone going throw it or come out of it! Most importantly bless you Paula ❤️ 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Im now at the stage where I've transformed from being a code pendent empath to become a claircognitive intuitive super empath so i can spot the bas*ards miles off so if anyone needs to talk I'm here for you ok don't suffer alone x

Yes, she took incredible joy crushing me as well as playing the victim

"Pleasure-cruelty" = Sadism

I like that description "pleasure cruelty dynamic". I saw the mask slip a few times it was scary. I couldn't understand it, I thought it was his diabetic illness that caused the terrible things he said. Then as you say they turn it around and you are the person that becomes the angel of darkness.

When I took distance I could see things clear . very important to do .

Well said! I'm 47 and had NO idea what a narcissist is. I just thought they were egomaniacal people in the entertainment industry😂 Do NOT move to LA before seeing these videos👌

Best video yet. Very direct and well executed. This happened to me and I had no indication until till the discard. I was literally sleeping with the enemy 😒

The one thing that brings me comfort after dealing with a cruel disgard a month ago is knowing I am not alone, and sadly all you kindhearted souls feel my pain. And I feel yours. These vile people who demonstrate such cruelty are demons. They will ultimately answer for what they have done to all of us here and others, and they themselves will FEEL what they have inflicted. Perhaps that will be their hell. I pray for all of us who gave our all and can feel such love and hope. I don't know if I will ever get myself back again to be able to love anyone. God bless us.

I've studied narcissism into oblivion. I'm hurtt still, almost 2 years later. If you ever read this Savanna, this is proof that all of your perceptions of me are erroneous. I will strive forward. You will see I was the best you coud have hoped for. Best regards.

I saw him smirk once, I'll never forget that nanosecond glee on his face

When I came across RU-vid channels Oct 2020 It was like a huge hit to my gut knowing I could never ever look back. Door shut forever. Never gonna open again. It was completely devastating. Unbelievably shocked to my core. I don’t think anything in life will be ever such a feeling like this. Dismembering the illusion is the hard core truth of the matter.😑😑😑

"one hundred to zero" ... high-speed impact! ...this is a deadly physical automobile crash; highly injurious emotional crash! 😢

Oh my God. You just explained what I just experienced. He discarded me yesterday. It lasted 3 months total. I spent the whole day in a daze. Found myself googling what verbal/emotional abuse was. Found your videos and realized he is a textbook covert narcissist. Just introduced my children to him. Started piecing together all of the little manipulations throughout the 3 months..constant criticism, threatening to take away the relationship or walk away if I didn’t behave correctly basically. Accusing me of not making him a priority, only to later make future plans with me and our families. . I was walking on eggshells and anxious and don’t even know how that happened. He brought me to tears 3 times in the last week. So the final barrage of criticism and insults re: my past , how I parent, how fucked up I am..that he texted me yesterday morning, that I did not respond to because I realized I was never going to do anything right according to him and felt attacked…then he called me about 30 minutes later asking me how my morning was going???!!! Then he quickly started attacking me again and I cried again and asked him to stop attacking me. He kept talking then somehow flipped the script and said I was the one gas lighting him and kept talking while I stayed silent. Can’t remember the last thing he said then hung up (I was at work). And that was it. No other contact since and I’ve gone no contact as well. Im still processing what just happened and realized it was all a facade. Not love. I was 💯 percent his supply and target of emotional/verbal abuse.

Narcon is the bomb. New warriors we are here for you. Been there! Paula, I wish you continual success n hope God keep giving you the downloads in your spirit. Guys, God woke us up for greatness. The narcissistic is possessed.

Your insight 100% resonates with me. I have seen that mask come off. When i started to back away and she realized it, she got so vindictive, she needed to hurt me. She did things and sent me things on my cellphone that were disgusting. I've looked at my situation a 1000 ways. And my ex was a mental patient, hooker/call girl (i mean not literally but if you pay she will go) and she didn't respect anything, just what she needed at the moment. I was disrespected. I should have never taken the bait, but i was seduced by the illusion of what i thought was a normal person who may have been going through a hard time but really i was dealing with a mentally unstable person who needed professional help years ago. She hid it well enough that i couldn't see it clear enough or i didn't want to see it. But that's my fault. But it is just like you said we were targeted. These people waste your time. They destroy people who were once good people. There is only a select few like yourself Paula that have the strength to survive and come out ok. As survivors we have to analyze what happened , put it into perspective and build our strength back up. That's all you can do in this life. Don't dwell on being a victim, concentrate on healing and getting stronger and live the rest of your life the best you can. If you can take comfort in anything then take comfort in the fact that in this life you can fall on bad times and if you survive and are still able to walk and talk then you can make it. People get disease and sickness and commit suicide from this kind of abuse. Learn to appreciate the simple things in life, keep your wits about you and stay humble and be proud that you are a survivor. And if you are really hurting then get professional help. Hang in there. It will get better in time. For some people the healing process may take years. Take your time healing and i promise you you will be better a year from now then you are right now even if it's just a little bit. And remember you need to get sleep to heal. Good sleep is extremely important when it comes to healing and good health. If you aren't doing anything and it's early like 8 or 9 pm at night , then go sleep. I can't stress sleep enough. Another youtube channel i have found who is excellent is Exposing the Narcissist. She is right on the money.

“Dark angel from hell” I had to laugh 😂, that’s exactly what they are ! Good work Paula

I was discarded 10 days ago in the most disgusting manner. However, in a way I was grateful because finally I knew 100% what he was. I had my suspicions almost from day 1 but always gave him the benefit of the doubt. This video is fantastic, thank you so much. I'm currently binge watching your whole collection because I find you hit the nail on the head, every time. Thank you! He is what you would call a Covert and Vulnerable Narcissist, outwardly charming (when it suited) and much more difficult to assess. I just wish it hadn't taken up nearly 2 years of my life, but one thing I know for sure, I won't get caught like this again.

Realising what they are makes you feel so much better, knowledge is power.

So very true. So very sad, I’m healing it’s taken me 2 years and I’m still not completely there. But I will get there I have to. You look very pretty Paula

Dead on the money!!! These ppl are diabolical .....

"You Are - The Best of The Best!!!" Understanding every word you emphasize on. I Love listening how you break it all down...Reality is REALITY!!! "T H A N K Y O U" (I to like think - I'm a walking Mirror - until the caring supportive grounding love is there - Forget the EMOTIONS of the FLESH - it's like burning your hand on a hot stove or over a fire!!!)

You are 100% RIGHT! I was in the dark dated Narc after Narc... I hope to Never have to go through the cycle of Abuse ever again...red flags need to be spotted early on so that the Narc dont have a chance to even start their pleasure/cruelty cycle!!!!

Can relate to all this. My X spoke so highly of me, then discarded me and said I had lost the plot which what I had said to him. His projected it completely. Said he was glad he didn’t have to put up with me. He is definitely the sick person. Discarded once I started to question him and having a voice.

Spot on, Paula! I was in shock for about six months and kept thinking he d come back. One of the hardest things for me to accept was that he didn't have integrity, honesty and kindness. These were part of the illusion. 2.5 years out now and almost over the finish line. Happy to be a buddy to a newbie.

then after all of this many people experience chronic fatigue syndrome. I went thru that living hell for over 15 years. cptsd

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, OMG!

The worst part is how you are left questioning whether or not you've been abused, sometimes for years after. Excellent video!

If anyone needs a buddy I'm in Pennsylvania. I love Paula's advice making a new general email or social media account so you feel safe. You can find my information on YT in the description box. I'm 3 years out of horrific discard survived a few NDEs. I'm out a year n change from the court process. Full NC GOSO since August 2020. I've got great rescue resources. Great tips to help anyone in the court process. Tips on regulating the emotions. Things to expect in stages including relapses from the stalking. My mistakes had me fervently chase new answers for success to help others avoid what I went through. Sending you all strength and 💘 Love 💘 God bless you all n know ur never alone. If you just need prayer, I'm here for that too.

This is excellent content. I separated from the covert narc in 2017 after 25 years of marriage. I had become so toxic and knew it wasn’t healthy. Unfortunately I allowed my kids to remain in the main home thinking I would get help, heal, and return. Nope he discarded me and took everything except my bed and two chairs. Also he was already on dating apps during the relationship and has since moved the new supply in. He attempted to destroy my relationship with my kids, ghosted me, and to this day acts like he doesn’t know me. All I can say is wow. Even after all this time I’m still healing and not ready for a relationship. Keep your heads up. Once you see the truth you will be set free.

Your the bomb, in a good way, I have something to say, if anyone needs help or to talk to someone about anything that are host talks about, I’m a real person that’s been there, I’m here to help, I understand, talk about it is very helpful. 😉

This is why he wanted to watch the illusionist twice. I had NO IDEA!😮😵‍💫

Great video! Thank you! Yes. No contact is the key! The day has come when I do NOT want any contact ever again. I see him for what he is and have learned a very valuable lesson. Yes, I am changed but for the better and happier. My lesson was worth the pain

Yes....this hits home. My ex was a Gimini so that was initially the reason I thought he had two sides but no...once I educated myself, there was no way I could blame his behavior on the Zodiac. He was mentally disordered and no matter how much I loved him or how well I treated him, he thrived in chaos and I wouldn't know peace again if I stayed with him....

Everything I went through….you help me so much. Having a difficult day. Still going in and out of denial and blaming myself and feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Thank you

Until I found this channel , I didn’t even know I’d been with a narcissist for 15yrs… he discarded me & our child & left us homeless, whilst he reinvented himself with someone else. Every step you describe of the narcs journey is spot on… 5yrs on we have recovered…. Love your videos 💜

I can't get beyond the red flags I saw and felt to be able to forgive myself.

Really true! I heard from my brother that the narsarsist contacted him to tell him that I was a bad person, he didn't know me, etc My brother told him to remove himself from our lives once and for all. I hope he never comes back again.

LOVE GIVES. LOVE DOES NOT SEEK TO DESTROY. After over 1.75 years of this behaviour, I said to myself. Whatever he’s doing or not doing, it’s none of my business any longer. FEEL THE PAIN!!! FEEL IT DEEPLY!!! ALL OF IT!!! There is NO other way. Feel it!!! And then realize that you will never go back to feeling that sort of pain again. Get up on your feet. Make a stepping stone, which leads to a new goal. Get on a plane. Whatever it takes to gain perspective. Get back to your true self. (You never left yourself, by the way!) Move through the pain and know that you are strong enough to walk out of the burning building that was just there. YOU CAN DO THIS, and on the other side of the pain, will be all the good things, better things and people who deserve you. That’s right. Deserve you.❤God bless.

I gotta say I viewed her as the love of my life and once I educated myself I had no problem telling people she has a personality disorder! Half the people don’t understand and the other half get it and even recognize a parent or past love.

They always have someone in place to replace you always

From being a best friend to going no contact and accusing me of ruining her whole life! My adult daughter!

I thought she had feelings for me. But was so wrong. I had my eyes closed. I saw what I needed to see. I was discarded like trash. I felt no remorse in her voice. It felt like she couldn’t wait to get everything off her chest. I was ill for 2 months and she wasn’t there for me. She replaced me to meet her needs during this time. I’m in the no contact stage for 3 months. So hard but I’m free and regaining my sense of self.

Instead of the rug being pulled from under you its the universe

Wow..... This is such a great video which cuts to the chase of what we were dealing with. You are becoming more beautiful in this... I have a buddy from Australia. She in her presence has shown me that we are all in this together. Much love and ✌ ☮

remember,they stop your blessings!it goes to them!!

Incredible video/audio. Thank you. 🙏

Hi Paula, I love your videos, they have been so helpful with my healing. I'm 3 years out now and still find it difficult to comprehend everything I had to deal with concerning the narc ex wife. Your a beacon of light for everyone who has had to go through this abuse. I love the fact that you're Irish, I grew up in Drimnagh D12. Thank you for your help.

When "my" narcissist layed down his mask and showed me who he was - I started vomiting.

I wish I would have seen this a year ago . He discarded me 3 weeks after having our son , no explanation. Just decided he was moving out , I was heartbroken and postpartum. I could not understand how he stopped caring from one day to the next . It’s been a battle , unfortunately I can’t go no contact because of our son . The way you described the discard , the behavior , the break up is exactly what he did to me . It seemed all unreal to me he broke me , but I’m slowly educating myself on what happened and why missed the red flags . Thank you for this , it’s validated 💯 how I’ve been feeling for the past year .

Someone who lived through this, which is me, gets it. Anyone who hasn't don't. Even family.

‘Pleasure-pain’ is sadism. So already a word for that concept.

The pleasure/Pain explanation is so true. As brutal as the discard was, I am oddly comforted by knowing that was his happiest moment. We did not meet and hook up quickly. We met as teens and were married 32 years. However, when he reached middle age an opportunity came along. A Jezebel. That is when he lost himself totally. He was cold, unkind and abruptly withheld physical affection. At the same time, he would NOT let me out of the relationship! Even though we had agreed to leave if we ever felt done or met someone else. He broke that vow too. When I asked, on the day of the divorce, why he didn’t just leave and end it, he said, with tears in his eyes, that he just couldn’t let me go. Still, he never lived alone. He moved from our home of 21 years into a place he bought for his mistress to live in. Guess he found a way to cope with his sorrow. Hang tough. We’re in this together. No Contact. I wouldn’t Bother. No answers there. Be blessed

Thank you for your brilliant videos that educate what really goes on behind the mask. Pray everyday for my discarder, as we met at 16, married at 22, when his mask slipped from "St. John", after his 50 yr. secret sex addiction exposed, pathological lying, hiding marital assets, etc. I was arrested 3 days after we had a disagreement about turning our adult daughter against me with false accusations. Told police he slept at our house after the disagreement but in Massachusetts, there is a law about "touching a family member without their permission" and I admitted to hitting him. Even though I had bruises on my arms from his holding me too tight, the handcuffs were on and waa arrested. Facing 2-1/2 yrs in jail and a $10,000 fine, my case was Dismissed and Continued Without a Finding but it cost me $5000 for a lawyer and an arrest record! I have forgiven him but he continues to play victim, portraying me as the "crazy, alcoholic abuser" and could be an Academy Award Winning Actor! Thank him everyday for our two beautiful adult children who love and respect me, so I am Blessed. Also thank him for his betrayal as it brought me to knees, where God sent His Unconditional Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness and Spiritual Awakening to love the person God is molding me to be. Grateful for your channel, as I hope to do God's work to educate and support others, just like you. Recently joined Al-Anon and going thru 12 Steps, as God has led me to more healing and I am happy to be me learning to love myself just the way I am! 🙏

Watching videos to gain the knowledge of how Narcissism works is healing u day by day. People please do the work, step by step, u will heal and be healthy. You can do it

I dated several and they came on so loving and caring and I fell for it because I was needy. Then only to get ghosted over night. One creep told me his dog was more important than me! Utter cruelty! I married a pathogical liar narc and I divorced him. I'm recovering now and understand the dynamics of the sickness. Thank you for your videos!

I've been hoovered and discarded all in one

Paula wow you say it as it is great clarity ,thank you for your great knowledge and wisdom, our guardian angel ,you beautiful lady , it is only pure evil , best wishes and love to all lovely people on here ,stay strong all ❤❤ To

excellent thanks paula

100% that was word for word, exactly what happened to me- its hard to imagine why a human would do that to someone, but im struggling to accept if its evil or do i feel sorry for them,that they have a mental disorder-

You just described everything that happened to me. Except he left after he got me pregnant. He didn’t respect my boundaries.

Excellent video. The description of the discard was right on point.

I just can't thank you enough! I just love the information in your videos. They truly help so very much!!

Thank you paula,still looking for a buddy...england, east midlands xxxx💜💜🙏🙏

Only the enemy could be so so cruel. It's not human nature to discard someone the way they do. God bless. You are doing an amazing job.

Bless you, Paula. Each video has been a gift. You’re so warm and relatable. This knowledge is saving people.

HG Tudor knowing the narcissist will give the answers you need to move on …..he will help you

WHAT U SAY IS SO TRUE, AND YES EDUCATION IS KEY, I ONLY LEARNT ABOUT NARCISSISM JUST B4 ENDING RELATIONSHIP AND REALLY GOT THE WHOLE PICTURE AFTER WITH HELP.

Need to be admired,if you ask something your negative!!hunt supply like a predator!!cant keep any one cause they will see who they are in time!

This one is one that validates everything I have been through. I have been suffering from some confusion two months post discard and this helped ground me again.

Paula, You remind me of the classic Roberta Flack song, "Killing Me Softly..." As you share this message with conviction, passion and compassion, you brought me back to ten years ago when this exact thing happened to me. That discard remains, without question, the most painful experience of my life. I barely made it through and now by God's grace "I'm still standing" full of joy and gratitude. Today I feel as Yeats brilliantly writes, that I am blessed and can bless. Thank you for blessing us, Jeff

When they know you figured them out... they panic. The waiting for the discard empowered my patience. They are predictable and they are, sadly, so empty inside. 😢 That's where the forgiveness comes in... they were damaged, probably before the age of reason... great video 👍.

Good chat love mick