I’m 29 and a sophomore in college. This dude should absolutely be proud finishing ahead of a lot of people. If I could go back and redo my early twenties I would. But also proves that confidence comes from yourself. I actually have a pretty decent self image despite being a server, and the older guy on campus. A lot of my confidence comes from my self awareness, and striving to achieve what I want. It took me a long time to figure all that out. I had to work on abandonment issues and previous parental abuse traumas. Lose 60 pounds. Quit drugs. And then finally decide that I’m not destined to be a failure. Don’t compare yourself to others but compare you to who you were yesterday.
I was in a similar position, I graduated from my university at 26 while all my other friends in my age were already buying houses, getting married, getting high paying jobs, etc. I'm in a great place right now with a pretty good job and my own place, but deep down I'm constantly comparing myself to other people's success and just anxious about having not "achieved much"
Yes!! Those are huge accomplishments. It's funny though that the things we accomplish that make the most difference to our lives are often not the ones we think we *should* accomplish when thinking in the abstract and observing others in the world.
Hey friend my situation is so similar to yours and we're the same age. I've found a lot of confidence within myself from accomplishing and overcoming things. You've had it rougher in your past than me forsure. I'm very proud of you stranger. I've been dealing with many rejection in romance and friendships so it makes it hard on the inner confidence. Your comment gave me a little more strength to keep going and it made my morning. Thank you.
As a psychiatrist I try not to compare myself to Dr. K or other “successful” doctors. I just lost a doctor friend who was “successful” to suicide, and it reminded me that we never know other’s lives. No life journey is the same and that is part of the beauty of every single being. PS: I just let Dr K make videos I get to send to patients to watch…😅
I really have hope then; thank you for your work. If you are watching these and sending them to people you are treating... those clients have a huge advantage; thank you for spreading AOE healing
@@nathanielmurphy2731 I’m glad you got good help! Addiction is a big part of my work in a poorer/rural area, so it’s always good to see people come out the other side doing well.
@@georgelee6972 Not about videos specifically to my knowledge. There IS more robust research on use of supplemental homework/workbooks and really good use of recording of specific parts of PTSD sessions which are used for repeated exposure. My experience has been that exposure to a clinically competent discussion of a specific topic of interest (like this one focusing on negative cognitions 2/2 harsh superego) CAN help with insight, AND often mimic the biggest benefit of group therapy: Universalization/Normalization of the person’s experience.
I'm 47. When I graduated from university, I had no idea what to do with myself, how to get a job, how to do life. I felt behind already--even *without* social media compounding the situation. (Admittedly, being in Canada, student debt was less crushing than in the States.) I've spent periods of my life feeling like I was just never going to figure it all out. Funny thing, though, I think the younger you are, the more pressure you feel to "make the most" of your life, because it's all still ahead of you and all waiting for you to "succeed" at or mess up at. It's overwhelming. When I turned 30, I didn't know how to feel about it. I couldn't handle the thought that my 20s were over forever and I had done what I felt was SO LITTLE. No boyfriend, no meaningful job, living with my parents, etc. Now that that period of time is far enough in the past that I have some perspective on it, I can see a few things clearly. One is that everything I did in that time of my life was building the person I am now, and all of it was practice for later things. Also, I did a lot of stuff that I look back on with love, even if it wasn't the kind of stuff one associates with "success" in the sense of money, power, blah blah blah. Just learning things, experiencing things, feeling things. Traveling, watching movies, spending time with family and friends, getting my heart broken, making bad choices and learning from them. Comparing your life to the life you COULD have is a trap, for several reasons. One is that there are things you could hypothetically be or do that just aren't realistic for you, because of money, ability, whatever--yet knowing they aren't realistic doesn't stop you from feeling the weight of their hypothetical possibility, especially when you're berating yourself for all the things you haven't done. And one is that our brains can hold allllll the possibilities at once, and see them as all possible, even though literally only ONE of them is actually possible at any time. Like, even if you spent your life being objectively 100% successful in everything at all times, you are still missing out on everything you *didn't* do. There's simply no way to do all the things. So what you can do is accept that there are *always* going to be things you know you could have done but didn't do, and reject that as a measurement of the value of the choices you make. You don't have to DO ALL THE THINGS. If you're making choices that lead to good things (even if those good things are just lessons learned from bad experiences), you're making good choices!
I think a big part of that is how much people repeat "this is the best time of your life" to high school and college students. I have no clue why anyone says that--it was the worst part of my life and even if you're not struggling with serious issues, it's a confusing time for most. I don't know a single person I respect who's in their 40s+ that would genuinely describe that period as their best or their "peak". Telling kids to enjoy it because "this is the best it's gonna get" is essentially the same as telling them their life is only ever going to get worse, which is about the worst thing you can say to a kid struggling with depression or anxiety. Theoretically I had way more potential in my early 20s, but I always felt like much more of a failure then, despite where I am now being more "behind" my peers in their late 30s. We should spend way more time telling kids that they have decades to figure it out and that their 20s are probably going to be messy and difficult, but they're only going to get more confident with age and maturity. More adults need to convey that your 30s and 40s aren't "over the hill" but the decades where you get to accumulate life experiences and explore your interests to their fullest without all the weird insecurities and doubt of your youth.
This is the wisdom I was looking for, at least one adult, telling me that live isn't over after 30.Thank you!, I always had questions, How can school be the best time of life? How can college be the best time of life? How can being 24 be the peak of my life? How can not participating in things makes me miss out on life? Why me being honest to people and not engaging in time wasting social activities is keeping me from success in professional life? Why won't I find a girlfriend now ? Why should I change my values just to get laid? Why can you choose to be non religious and enjoy the world but I am not a good fit in modern world because of my religious choices? Now again different things for my religious questions, I cannot find a good religious mentor, who would answer all my stupid, offensive, rude questions that pop up in mind. It is so hard to find a good mentor, that will genuinely guide you through life, allowing us to fail, allowing us to try again, allowing us to cry and contemplate all the failures, and still be with us through it all.... I hope I find someone......
@@yuzu-tsuyu yes!! I miss certain things about my 20s but I wouldn't want to go back to high school for anything in the world. I started being truly happy as a person only after I stopped caring what other people expected. It took a long time to learn how to do that though!
3:00 As a HS drop out this always fascinates me hearing people dismiss their accomplishment of graduating. "that's what you're supposed to do". LOL. Well even if that is the case MANY find themselves incapable or unwilling for one reason or another! If you graduated high school, that's definitely something to be proud of. If you graduate from college, even more so!
Very kind words. I find myself sometimes finding myself a failure because idk what I want out of life and the only achievement I’ve done is graduate high school and you hit on the head with that statement “it’s what you’re supposed to do”. I never found it as a good thing but thank you for shining light on that. Much love and have a great day.
@@jellyrollderp3193 You too!🫶🏻 I tend to minimize my achievements too haha. But hey, I've come far in terms of life experience and wisdom in ways that even some of my most traditionally "successful" friends haven't! It's hard to remember ofc because we judge ourselves harshest.😅
I suppose I can play in. When you live in a family of people who are generally well educated, you typically don't get to interact with many people who don't graduate. It's because of this that it's really easy to assume that graduating is just something that people "do"
I graduated high school bitter and devoid of meaning. I was so miserable that I couldn’t understand why people were celebrating what was essentially a worthless diploma. The same thing happened with college and less so with my master’s degree but I was always fixated on medical school like it was the only thing that mattered. Sometimes the feeling bubbles up like my masters degree is a bandage for my medical school application (a lot of people, Dr. K included, do this to improve GPA for med apps) and if I were a better person I would have gotten into med school right after college. But yeah that’s my experience with goal setting and managing expectations. I’m at point where I can say it wasn’t all for nothing, though the negative thoughts bubble up more on bad days.
Yeah graduating from school and university is not an accomplishment it's BS, because there is no real world knowledge or skill learnt there. On paper there is, but in reality there isn't, yes even in STEM, trust me I know. The "education" system produces useless people in 12-20 years... and wastes your youth. You stop being young at the age of 23-25. If kids weren't neglected to the "education" system, but instead specialized in one engineering field, or one trade, or law, or commerce after elementary school(starting at age 10-11), by the time they are 14-18 they'd be a highly skilled and knowledgeable experts in the field/sub-field they were specialized in and would be able to work on a medium position. Not to mention that school and university diplomas should NOT be mandatory to get a job, because there is no real world knowledge and skill behind them. I have many friends, acquaintances and people I know that did just that and many started working an engineering job during high school and many now earn 3-5x times the average salary at 21-23 years old without going to university.
My grandpa went back to school in like his 60s or 70s to be a therapist, after being a computer scientist for most of his life. When I was in college I had a number of elderly classmates. You’re not stuck where you are unless you’re on your deathbed.
@@popejaimie Well in my case I lost alost a decade due to depression. So I'm just starting now to get in to a career with 30. Im not saying that it's impossible but it's easy to dismiss these feelings because in fact you compete with people ~10 years younger on the job market
@@m0ZZaik I’m 34 trying to start my life up so idk who you’re trying to explain this to, of course it’s not gonna be easy, just be better than the kids. Or choose a career that doesn’t value youth so much.
@@popejaimie i get what youre trying to say (maybe) its to just work harder with all the recource that you have atm right? but to just be better than someone whos been doing for ten whole years is a preety hard thing to do you know and also to just change your line of career is not an easy thing either. maybe with your knowledge of living for 34 years you could enlighten us on how to do that we are clicking this video for a reason you know, to study and share our process of thoughts. not everyone has life understood like you
That book "Becoming" had such wonderful advice that will forever be with me "Now I think it's one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child-What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that's the end." How I interpreted is you can be more then one thing, you can fail or not like a job/career or outcome of a situation but that doesn't mean you are stuck with it and can change it. The possibilities are infinite, our only limitations are ourselves
I'm 37 and a sophomore in college. I was a skydive instructor for most of my life until the wife and I had a conversation on how my job wouldn't be good to have with a family. I had to start all over again a few years ago. The problem was that I didn't know what I wanted to do since skydiving was my only experience other than a delivery job. It took me 2 years to see what my interests were and they landed in the IT field since that was a hobby of mine already. I knew what I liked to do but the thought of going to school in my mid to late 30's was terrifying. I've always been the most confident person I knew until this point in my life. In no way would I change anything about what I'm doing. I had the time of my life skydiving, being an instructor, travelling all over the world to teach. Even though I'm starting over, I have the experiences that Dr. K was talking about most people have in their 60's after retirement. I can now spend the next 30 years doing something that I love to do in IT.
Hi like your story because I relate to it. I am 37 yr realizing I need to reshape my whole life because I feel like such a failure but I am willing to turn things around. I which we can link up to encourage and hold each other accountable. Good luck
I'm 30 and about to go back to university. I am female and people my age and gender are having babies and getting mortgages. I don't feel like I am behind at all. In fact, I feel like I'm exactly were I need to be.
I was about 31 when I went back to college. I took my time, took some semesters off, and now at 37 I started at a 4-year university and might be studying abroad next semester. Going back to school will be the best decision you ever made!
I feel and think the same way. There is nothing and no one keeping me away from doing whatever the heck I want. If people want to be tied down and live the normal life, that's fine for them.
Not to minimize their feelings but a lot of people who come to see Dr. K about feeling behind in life and failing seem to be in their 20's or even younger, which is kinda' funny to me. I guess it's just the culture of needing to succeed as quickly as possible.
Can we get calls from older people, too? (35+) I know that younger people are the main demographic, but it'd be great to hear from people who have tripped up a few times and are looking for guidance
I'd love that! Someone please tell me that feeling Like shit in your early 20 doesn't determine the rest of my life and a few hickups in this timeline don't determine me to be miserable forever. 😂🖤
This guy is already doing *beyond* incredible at his point in life, it's a shame he can't see that. I hope he can start to grow his confidence really soon.
this reminds of one time I was hanging out with my cousin. Just for context, her entire life she had opportunities handed to her and she worked her way up through those to a high paying job, never took a break, never took a gap year or drop out or anything. At some point she was telling me that it was shameful to start your career at 40. Of course I was like "wtf". And I noticed the "it's too late to start your career" was mainly coming from privileged people, who never had trauma or mental illness in the obstacle, or any life experience like poverty, being stuck in retail, and worst of all, these are the people who basically look down on you because you're "lazy" and "why do you think you deserve to go up? all you've done is be a cleaner" and it's really frustrating that these people are so out of touch with reality. The good part (also sad part because it interferes with people's lives) is that with economy crisis rising, more and more people are also suffering and start to be empathetic to us so we're not completely isolated in feeling worthless.
This was a really good video and it shows life really is about perspective. I definitely have that imposter syndrome that Dr. K mentioned in my workplace. For example, all my coworkers have a Master's degree or a Ph.D., while I have a Bachelors. This tends to make me feel inadequate or like I don't deserve to be at my job. But in reality, that could be seen and should be seen as a win and not an L.
Meanwhile the people with Master's degrees are feeling inadequate next to the person who didn't need all that education to do what they do! Perspective changes everything, eh? 😆
I'm a novelist. All the readers I talk to often bring up my biggest weakness is having imposter syndrome. I'm glad there are supportive people who help one overcome that obstacle.
Remember: success itself really is subjective. I'm 23 and just finished HS. Can't get into higher education. All my relatives of my age and younger are graduating much higher education, getting into relationships, traveling, doing everything I've wanted to. Even my youngest cousin that I regarded as a baby for so long is all grown up - and she just finished HS, this same year as I did. At her age, I was BEGINNING HS because of how many years I stayed back. Despite being constantly criticised and pressured, and despite still struggling with this, I realised the other side of the coin. I have had knowledge and experience most that I acquired much younger because of my differences - and now I'm happy to help my relatives who are going through it much later. I got work experience and qualifications accumulated that I wouldn't have gotten if I followed "the right path". And most importantly: Success. Is. Subjective. What's the point of being successful in others' eyes if I'm not happy, devastated, sick? I need MY success. MY goals. The sadness you could and should be feeling is not getting the success YOU want - not the success others want. Stressing about not being able to conform or compete is an insane life to live, but perfectly understandable. What is also understandable, absolutely, is being frustrated about being pressured to conform to something you don't want, or you CAN'T even do. tl;dr: can't spell success without s u c c
@@deadinside8781 oh and lol it feels good to be the one who commented something first for a change. I'm always the guy who's had thoughts I wanted to say but end up delaying only to have others say it before I do.
I am 23 and I graduated college 6 months ago majoring in something I am passionate about. I constantly worry a lot about future and stuff. This video really made me realize how ahead of the curve I am . I never really took the time to be proud of myself and celebrate my achievements. This was very eye opening to watch.
You are ahead. When there's passion, there's happiness that will naturally draw people to you. When there's nothing but fulfilling expectations, there's loneliness and depression which pushes people away. I'm in the latter but I'm turning that around
“if that guy is a noob, so what am i?!“ Yepp. That was excactly my thought on the whole interview. I have given up on goals and standards. I have a job, that is not fulfilling (which i wish it were, and i doubt i can find another job that suits me). I am just floating from day to day from month to month. I was one of those that had “great potential“ within. Never achieved something that “filled“ that potential. And if i compare myself to my past self, i still lose. Because my past self was more successful than i am today. And i don't have the energy anymore to try a whole lot new things.
@@FireJach that's the problem with projected insecurity and narcissistic parenting. you could be on the right path but still doubt your footing because subconsciously you remember what others so desperately want you to be.
It's amazing how much our brains infer things, projecting onto our own landscape how things are, or how they should be. Quite extraordinary, but also reassuring that so much of our concerns are just in our mind's eye/projection. There really is only this: 'just this'.
I needed this. I'm back in college at 25. The pandemic set me way behind. It feels weird being back but I'm really motivated to finish. Hard not to compare but it's kind of vain to say "I should be x or y" when really there are so many people who would kill to be where you're at.
Eyyy, same here. Just about to finish my bachelor after I turn 26. Friend of mine started 6 different degrees before he finished one and he now earns more than triple the national average and enjoys his job, so I’m not that worried about being “late” to the race. We’ll make it in the end, mate!
I relate to this a lot. I’m 23, and I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and ADHD while I was studying at university. I always compared myself so much to others, and my anxiety has a huge role to play, and is something i’m trying to work with. I always worried a lot about everything: my future, that I wasn’t doing enough, that I was doing it wrong, that people think i’m a loser, that I will never succeed, that i’m stupid. Its crippling, and a constant battle in my head. Although, I graduated with a Master’s degree in a lucrative field as the youngest in my class, I got a management job right out of college, I work out relatively consistently, I have a great relationship with my girlfriend, a great family and friends. But, even though I have all these things, and can mention them, I still compare myself to others who are doing even better, and cant FEEL proud of myself, not even the slightest. And this is a lot easier than you would think, because we all live in our own personal biases - the people around you are most likely on the same level as you or above: educationally, financially and career-wise. But that is not representative of the rest of the population. You simply dont realize how well you are doing, because the scope of ones comparison is completely off scope to reality. For me, this anxiety has been like this for so long that it seriously affects my ability to feel happy in a given situation. It has made me depressed for long periods of time, and affects me everyday to a point of exhaustion and burnout. It has slowly made me realize, that comparison is a never-ending spiral, because no matter how much you accomplished, how much you have, how great your life is, someone else will always be better or look more accomplished. I realized other ambitious people had a tendency to compare themselves to others as well, which drives their competetive personalities. And its the same i’ve seen in all of them, as well as myself. Its a feeling of worry, that we are not good enough, that everything is racing ahead of us, and that everything we accomplished is invalidated. Its a race for perfection, and nothing is ever good enough. Some often try to look for that validation from others, and it can get quite ridiculous sometimes, like being a little flashy, or asking for/wanting validation from others, constantly. I’ve been guilty of this myself sometimes, but it has to come from within. Everyone deserves to be validated, no matter their situation, so this endeavour is irrational. Just realize that, even though it is a really hard pattern to escape from (i’m still trying), it is a very toxic one. “The rat race” will actually eat you alive, you are much more likely to suffer from both mental and physical health issues due to stress. I do believe prioritizing relationships is more important, hereunder family and friends. Especially, relaxing with those people as often as possible. Thats what really makes life worth living for me, and I try to remind myself of this, instead of focusing on work and career and vanity all the time. Last thing, which is something my girlfriend pointed out. We think that this pressure comes from the outside world, from society. We feel there are high or unrealistic expectations towards us from others. But actually, its not what others expect from you, its what expectations you put on yourself. It gets a little delusional when we convince ourselves that others actually give a shit about our own expectation. They don’t. People are too busy with their own lives and feeling inadequate themselves, they dont even have time to think about and judge us. If they do, its them who have problems, not you. This leads back to working on yourself, because its ourselves who are punishing ourselves and expecting these things. If this is crippling to your daily life, please seek professional help. Anxiety is bad.
Man, I'm 24 and just finished college, was feeling similar to David bc I 'lost' 2 years trying to overcome a depression crisis when I was 17-18, acknowledging our very own Wins is hard but so so worth in the long run (and in the short one!), yet it feels strange when we start to identify that concept. Thank you so much for this video and reminding me that I'm very well on my way to be happy. Have a lovely day whoever is reading and David and Dr. K too
Hey, if you're unmarried with no kids it's never too late. The less responsibilities you have, more chances of achieving success due to more free mental space
@@StarmenRock i guess i have a lot of free mental space, given that ive been out of work since quitting my last job about 6 months ago (couldnt take the way i was being treated anymore) and that im still stuck living in my father's apartment. I got plenty of time i suppose, i just have no idea what to do next, ya know?
May I ask why you want a successful live. What is driving you to want success? Is it to impress others or gain someone's validation by proving your worth in this world?
@@guntajgrewal2275 no i just want personal freedom and security in the sense i want to know i can provide for myself the things i really need and want. My own place to live with no mold or bugs. A couple friendships, friendships to which i can actually contribute because i can host a small get together or go out to a restaurant with them. Some feeling of direction and purpose. The ability to not worry about how i'm gonna pay my car note this month.
I don't know if a tech job has any appeal to you, but most entry level certifications can be done in a couple of months if not weeks of study. Just look at the careers that are in demand currently, pick one that you like and get the required skills. Recruiters and potential employers will literally throw themselves at you just to get you to consider their offer.
I’m 22 and a former gifted kid (thanks for your video on that) and this is how I CONSTANTLY feel. I want to die but I’m scared to die because I couldn’t look god/whatever-super-being in the eye and tell them I did nothing with the life I was given.
weird question, i dont mean anything to you by it, but is god or the afterlife the thing that made you stop or is it the pain of doing it and regret does?
@uPtrade And so is the state of the world. We can learn about, and even try to confront all the forces and societal factors that enforce toxicity in our lives, but in the meantime, the damage just. Keeps. Going.
I'm a 49 year-old former gifted kid. I hope you'll take Dr. K's words here to heart. He's absolutely right. I don't think it's ridiculous to want to die like another commenter said, it's a feeling. I get it. Maybe check out some of Dr. K's vids where he talks about developing an intrinsic sense of self-worth. I'm pretty sure there are a few. Also I don't believe there's a final judgment by a supreme being after death, but I do think it's human to fear something like it, even if that's simply fearing the pain of regret. Speaking from an American perspective, people place too-high expectations on gifted kids and on young adults. You've moved from one group into the other. You might not realize when the expectations of young adults are too high, because unreasonable expectations are your normal. Videos and other info like this, therapy, meditation, exploring new experiences, meeting and spending time with people with reasonable expectations, and observing nature are some things I can think of that can help you learn to recalibrate, if any of those are possible (though I'll say that "people with reasonable expectations" feel like "people with low expectations" for a while). I'm glad you commented and I wish you the best. Take care :)
@@mrifqi9635 no man, I’m not religious in particular. But I lost a couple family members in the pandemic. It made me take a serious look at what happens AFTER death… to the people you leave behind.
The thing is that it kinda doesn’t matter if you are running out of time, the thing that will give you the best possible benefit is what you should do, regardless of or you are behind others. Because every single alternative would be a worse outcome
This is extremely valuable advice. If you're behind and do nothing but worry about it or distract yourself from the though, you'll always be more behind the next day.
Any chance that you can do a video on how if you hate the concept of working for 40 years or more, if every job you’ve had truly just crushes your spirit, the only two apparent options are a life or misery with a job or a life of impoverished misery without one? How do you turn off the misery? Life sure would be a lot easier if I didn’t go through months-long periods if constantly either being sad about being at work, being sad about the weekend being temporary, or being sad about having the misery of working in general (not a specific job) outweigh the joys in life for the next several decades.
Find a job/ career that makes you feel fulfilled. You must not get stuck in that mindset of being miserable with a job or being miserable and poor. You have options. You must not give up when you haven't explored all you options yet.
@@D_Jilla I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s a numbers game. The vast majority of people are doing unfulfilling jobs for their whole lives and odds are very good that I’m one of them. That’s the reality and that’s what I need to deal with - if I somehow stumble into the perfect job that’s great, but I need a plan for the likeliest scenario which is that that won’t happen. Currently I have a fine job on paper - good coworkers, potential for advancement, relatively interesting work, decent pay, environmentally friendly company, etc. but that doesn’t seem to affect this feeling, which I consistently get with every job I do. I’m the common denominator here, so instead of losing money and career progress by trying to find the perfect job what would be much better would be if I could change myself to find my circumstances bearable. Most people work unfulfilling jobs for their whole lives but it doesn’t make them completely miserable for months at a time, so how do I do that?
@@ecta9604 I can relate. Yes you're right that jobs can be miserable. Life can be miserable. And with all that how do you even cope? I think a good thing to do is to realize that you are more than your job. Your job IS NOT your entire identity. Assuming you have time off, you can use the free time to pursue a hobby or build a life skill. I do that with osu!, coding, music, and occasionally writing. I barely even watch TV or Netflix anymore. So try not to put too much stock into your value and life worth into what job you have. Easier said than done, but taking away the power of a soul crushing job even by this little amount can give you self confidence and power. End of rant.
@@ecta9604 I think some people NEED more fulfilling work and they figure it out for themselves. There's a lot more options for fulfilling work than a lot of people stuck in other kinds of jobs realize. If you're not so miserable you aren't motivated to change up your life. But there are usually way more possibilities than you ever imagined. Often times people say for years "i wish i could make money doing [thing that doesn't have hardly any chance of ever making money]" without realizing there's something a little different than that but perhaps related that they could make money doing. You can start your own business if the job doesn't exist yet. You can find weird jobs you never guessed existed. For a lot of people, something more directly instead of indirectly helping other people (or animals) feels intrinsically fulfilling and the time passes much faster and you forget how hard you're working. The more directly you're interacting with other life, the more it can consume you and your mood can often improve, assuming the people or animals you interact with are genuinely grateful for the service you provide, or you can see the impact of how much you are helping them. I know a lot of people think dream jobs are a myth or a fantasy or an annoying thing people talk about but you literally combine skills you're proficient in or can get trained or educated into being proficient in, with things you're passionate about and you often can provide a service or create a product that others are grateful for. If your dream is to not work a full 40 hour workweek, to work less hours per week, that's...very doable too for more and more people all the time. Explore passive income, or really high paying part time work, or choose your own hours with a business you start yourself. If you can make enough money per week to not be stuck in poverty but only work like 12 hours per week, maybe your life will be less miserable. It's very doable for so many people in so many different types of jobs.
I feel this too. I have to remind myself success isn’t only when I achieve EVERYTHING I set out to do. Sometimes we might not get where we wanted to go, but as long as we learn and improve in the process, it’s okay if we end up in a different place than originally envisioned. That’s still success.
This guy is honestly doing great, I took 6.5 years to finish uni with crap grades and I’m in a good company now, possibly due to luck, but I’m doing great. Pat yourself on the back, man.
I’m in the early year of med school and recently I watch people sharing their experiences of the first year being actual doctor and it sounds hard. But my therapist once says that when I was a kid, the first day of school feels hard but I done it. Getting into college was hard but I bern through it, fine even cuz my grade is not bad. Looking forward will seems very hard of course, but it’s not our time to worry about it yet. Just trust that you in the future will be able to do it. Because look at the PROGRESS you’ve made all these years, you’re literally came so far. Be proud and trust that there’s enough time.
Im 28. I make 6 figures and Im quite fit but feel like Im still not enough. Im not super loaded but im comfortable financially. I worked hard to get to where I am but now Ive lost all motivation to further my career. Not trying to brag. Just showing how even when you get to the "finish line" that feeling may not go away unless you fix the root cause.
@@trashAndNoStar I wouldnt say im burned out. I just lost the motivation to chase my career and fitness goals. So basically Im maintaining but not improving much because there is no motivator anymore. Before it felt like the goal was to get the career and body, now that I have arrived at this goal, there doesnt seem to be much more to chase. Money only makes you happier up to a certain level, then you realize its all an illusion. Material things dont fulfill me. It is nice not to worry about paying rent or putting food on the table though. The shitty part is that if I want to switch careers, id have to risk not making what I make now for a long time or ever again. So it basically feels like im a slave to my current lifestyle.
"Do not compare yourself to someone else today. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday." Keeping this as a core value has yet to let me down. Especially if you adopt self forgiveness.
@Joseph Alfredo how did you learn that? I always get stuck in a cycle of not forgiving myself and dismissing acomplishments because I "should have done that years ago"
As David was saying, he can’t compare himself to others since there are some that are worse off than he is. And he is right. I’m such example. I’ve dropped out of uni after doing retake twice. Failed of year of alevel prior to that. I’ve gotten avg gcse and I’m at a point in my life where I’ve just working without a definitive destination in mind of where I want to be or what I want to even do in life. Meanwhile my relatives younger than me have gotten further in their life than I have so far. David shouldn’t be insecure. In facts I’m jealous of him having everything I’ve haven’t had the Luck to be or enjoy when I’m a few years older than he is. But that’s the way life is. I’ve recently been telling myself that it’s a marathon and not a race. It’s not about how far of an advantage someone gets in the start. It’s about reaching the end goal satisfied with what you’ve achieved on the way.
I missed my chance to do what I wanted to do. I have a family, and I'm very thankful for them, but i only live for them. If it were just me, I don't think there would be any color in my life. What is fucked, is that if you put a gun to my head and asked me what i wanted, i wouldn't be able to even tell you. I don't think i have any ambition, but something is screaming inside of me, begging me to do something , anything to improve my life. But its like i'm stuck in a waking sleep paralysis. I'm not in danger of hurting myself, I have a wonderful family to live for, but if a bus was about to hit me, i wouldn't move.
I am almost 32 , was Excellent at academics.. then this OCD took over my life.. i have been Overcoming it 0.1% at a time , since last 15 yrs... this was the game changer for me - STOP COMPARING , i mean it's not like u can directly stop , but allow the truth to sink in - comparing to others who do not have (e.g. OCD) is actually Stupid !😂 I am focusing on growth , 0.1% daily , that's it.. life is getting better
The time you have to figure it out is the time you have to live... Man, this made me broke down in tears. Listen, even if you are 40, there is going to be a lot of things you still haven't figured out. I'm in my mid 30s and I still struggle with this every single day... "maybe if I had studied harder, maybe if I would have listened to my parents, maybe if I had saved more money"... Truth is, whats done is done, and we need to be proud of what we have achieved dispite the hand we got dealt by life. Sometimes we need someone to remind us of it. And also, we are our own cheerleader but we can be our worst hater. Make the voice in your head your biggest fan, not your worst enemy.
A little vent: I'm 20 and no one knows that this is one of my biggest fears. Everyone i know says that i'm young and i shouldn't worry about this but i have my reasons. For start i grew up with parents who heavily regret their life path and vowed to never regret anything. This mentality made me the "gifted kid" mainly in art. However because i was heavily associated with that identity i didn't explore myself which made me unsure what i wanted to be nor take in high school. I watched as my peers went ahead of me with strict goals and clear identity and in university and college. I'm more slower than my peers, retaking my high school courses and the feeling of going into university with everyone else so much younger than you. Another thing is that jobs have high standards of experience paths that i'm unsure which path to stick to when i want to try everything. In comparing to myself I am technically less successful than i was before. Last year i actually had a job while in school and during covid i was able to juggle 3+ classes, multiple writing projects, learned alot, had a good community. Now I feel like my health both physical and mentally have deteriorated after my job was demanding. I worry that my anxiety will cause a heart attack like my ancestors and my cognitive thinking is worsening. To sum it up: I'm mainly afraid of running out of time. That i'll die young before I can achieve success like alot of people. This in turn has made me both lazy and a workaholic. Acknowledging these thoughts here makes me feel alittle better though.
What do you take with you when you die? Assuming you believe in an afterlife, only your memories, your soul and the people whose lives you have touched in your lifetime. Everything else will in the long run go away. Even the country you live in will eventually dissolve. The earth will eventually be destroyed or lose its orbit, humans will evolve and move on (assuming they've left earth). Live your life fully (do your version of the OP's semester abroad) be kind to people you interact with and try to become a full-fledged version of you. That's all you need to worry about today except retirement. Save a small amount for retirement starting when you're young, diversify, and you'll be ok. And treat your body as well as you can. I burned out too, I know. Morning group (zoom) meditation helps, as does a little exercise, nutrition and good supplements for your brain health (maybe try MCT oil and algae/fish oil). Also check your thyroid TSH and ferritin saturation for low iron. Prioritize sleep. Eat less sugar and caffeine. You'd be shocked how much your body's condition can impact your emotional health.
The fact that this video came out right when I was thinking of writing in to talk about how I don't really celebrate my wins, like graduation. Which is why I still feel like a failure and that I'm falling behind. Then this video comes out and guest says they're "graduating but that's what you're suppose to do," feels like the universe might be looking out for me😁
"you're trading a year in your 20s for a year in your 60s. is that a good trade?" BRO. i have 2 years of my 20s left and ive been wasting them just grinding because 'thats what im supposed to do.' freaking thank you for this.
When I was in undergrad a few years ago I decided to switch majors from Econ to data science. I was never good at math and so I ended up failing 4 classes. My parents much like David’s where very dissatisfied with my grades. I used to be an A student in highschool. Now I was getting Ds and Fs. I recall a time where I felt like I was doomed to drop out. The school wasn’t letting me in the major but I just kept stubbornly trying. I ended up passing and graduating with a data science degree. My gpa was 2.75. By all accounts I was still a failure because of my poor performance. But I was a bit happy inside that I pushed myself to pass. Fast forward a few months post graduation, I’m living with my parents and can’t land a job. Constant fighting and bickering about how I should have done better, I should apply to more jobs, I’m not doing enough. I was about to explode. Every day became like mental agony. Then, I was offered a job as a data analyst. Now I rent my own apt in SF ( rent is way too high lol ), I’m saving money, playing games, doing my masters in data science while working. All that is great an all but what I’ve realized after achieving all this was that none of this actually made me happy. What made me happy was leaving the toxic environment of being talked down to all the time. I too internalized a ton of this stuff from my mother. Immigrants tend to be this way with their kids and it’s because they actually don’t have a good understanding of how this stuff works. No fault of their own that’s just how it is. I still love my mom, I always will, but to all the giga chads out there please don’t get too down on yourself. Just do your best. I hope it all works out for you! Good luck to you as well David!
Wow. I feel great after watching this video. I'm literally at the airport waiting to study abroad in Spain for 3 months. This conversation gave me a huge boost in terms of simply enjoying the experience, and taking it for what it is. Stoked!
Im an adult struggling in life in many aspects. I know that life isn't over until it actually ends, and I have power to change it for the better for my own happiness. So its never too late to find success at your own pace. But I also notice there is great value in finding stability earlier in life. Most of my peers who consistently worked hard to 'win' at life are much happier and content than I am, although I shouldn't determine that myself. But what Im saying is I feel like a more disoriented individual because Im lacking stability and resources compared to them, especially financially since I haven't even saved up any money without a descent job. And also health issues due to stress and lack of self-care.. Life just kind of works in circles like that. what goes around comes around. But its also my ego causing me to believe that I had full control over the 'what could've beens' and 'I should'ves', which isnt true since I've struggled with adhd and anxiety my whole life. So I need to be careful not to let my own negative thoughts get in the way of me in making actual progress. We shouldn't compare ourselves to other people, but I feel like that is the hardest thing to do when you're struggling alot in life.. Im always working on it by trying to suppress those thoughts, but somedays it just seems impossible not to get stuck in a negative self-talk.
I'm not an expert in this field, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I relate to a lot of what you said & think I could at least bring some value to the table, even if it's only a little bit. I also have ADHD & anxiety too, so I relate there as well. Anyway, there is multiple things that have helped me get out of my head & into a better life, so I'll run through a few. Going outside into nature was big for me even though it's not necessarily my cup of tea. Making a daily walk, run, or any type of exercise a priority was huge. Eating healthy was another big one or at the very minimum taking multi-vitamins. I also want to mention, those three things I just listed don't require a psychologist degree to understand. They are essential to getting yourself to feel the best as possible. The next few things are getting off of the internet/social (big help, especially with the comparison problem), giving yourself 15-30 mins a day to meditate or chill without doing anything other than sitting there so your mind has time to process everything, quit watching porn (another big one), & after all of those things, try to put yourself around more people a little at a time. You don't need to try to do all of these at one time, just do whatever you can do without feeling overwhelmed & reward yourself when you make any progress that you weren't making before. I've gotten to the point to where I was able to create this YT channel & build an almost 40k subscriber following coming from a very similar position that you're in. You got this, just be patient with yourself! Best of luck!🤜🤛
I don't know how old you are but I am going to suggest that you still have plenty of time, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. It sounds like you are definitely dealing with a lot of things that probably all feed into each other. I've been there too. But then if one thing starts to get better, it may result in the other things getting better too, or at least feeling less difficult. I wish you the best!!
To me, it was not so much "running out of time" but more "having less time to fully enjoy it." plus when jobs will often put an age limit on you in sorts. Stability to want to come sooner comes from wanting my life to feel more fulfilling sooner. Therefore I can have kids or do the things I want before I have kids and provide for them in a manner I feel comfortable with. However, that also came tied with me uncertain of what I enjoy, since I'm finding myself not enjoying a lot in sense of wanting a career from it. I find enjoyment in a lot of things I'm not sure how to monetize and make a career out of since it is more of a general knowledge. In that sense, I've always felt I'm "running out of time" being in my early 30's and not really much to show for it since nothing has kept me wanting to stick to it as a career since several career paths I originally wanted to pursue didn't work out for me.
It's all good man. My life didn't start until 22 due to Mental health problems. It was complete torture like I couldn't get out of bed or even go outside. After putting effort and consistency into Therapy and Meds I gradually made it out. So far I'm 23 now and I just have 4 months experience working in a Warehouse as my first ever Job, then I lost that Job 3 weeks ago. I'm now employed at Dominos and got a 2nd Job at McDonald's. I'm not aiming or being ambitious for a particular "checklist" of being all that. Life is full of ups and downs just enjoy everyday whether it is with family or friends or by yourself. As told by my psychiatrist you will eventually look back at time and start to wonder "Was worrying about the future even worth it in the first place?"
Oh my god. The mother/grade story is e x a c t l y what happened to me when i was 6 and got my first school report. I only now, in my 20ties, started realizing what an enourmous impact those 4-5 seconds had and still have on my life. I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one. Power through, you can do it!
Yep, growing up the best I could do was meet expectations so I stopped sharing my report cards, but had no personal motivation to do well on my school work so my grades trended downward til college where I ended up dropping out. I still have no ambition or passions, that stuff is pernicious and it can affect people differently
It's not really about the grades. It's about that no matter how good you are, if you are not perfect, you are not worthy. And spoilers, nobody is perfect. But try to explain that to your brain that has internalised those small invalidating interactions and comments from people you care the most about.
@@elizachern7165 Yup, that sounds right. And it sucks. My dad pushed me on my grades, but it was always "I think you can do more" not "you're bad." One time, for example, I got a 1520/1600 on my SAT (giving away my age here) and he said if he were me he'd take it again. I just laughed him off. It's sad that other people don't feel they can do that.
25:25 hit me like a train... I got more work to do on the whole confidence thing... Pisses me off cuz I've been dealing with this issue for YEARS and it has made me a shut-in. Thanks for this guys.
I have very similar feelings to this guy. My parents brought me to the USA to get an education and a really good job. After I got my bachelors and I got a job immediately following an internship I call my dad to tell him and his response was "when are you going to get your masters" 8 months later I was in Paris getting my masters and learning French. I come back get a job at 52k a year. Less than a year later (this moment in time) I get another job for 65k. I feel extremely behind in life. I tried RU-vid (still trying) but to no success. Started another business, but no bringing income. Trying to start businesses but Just feel like I can't do anything right and that I'm constantly making the wrong decisions. I hate working for others so no matter the job I dislike it. Taking a toll because I just feel stuck in life, with nothing to look forward to. So I get this guy's struggles
Thanks so much Dr. K for this insightful video, definitely came at the right time. Currently in my last years but I don't feel confident enough to say I'm in the graduating batch. I'm also happy because it's my first time being early to your vids :0 💓 less than 1k viewers rn!!
very insightful and relatable. Making alot of moves always planned. took breaks now I’m stepping out there. But I’ve been trying to self-teach myself some of these things.Just to fall into those pits of comparisons again. A constant battle for sure..
I started 3 LLCs in a small town, I also was told when I got a 3.6-3.9gpa I could do better growing up. After covid started, all my businesses declined so looked at it as a L and moved on. What I forget is that I was Self-Employed for over 5 years. Was it easy? No. Can everyone do that for even 1 year? Debatable. Looking back, the experience I gained I wouldn’t trade it for the world. There was one week I made $5k in landscaping. The initial rush was great but died quick because I compared to a friend making $10k a week regularly. This was insightful, I never looked at it this way. Now I am beginning in a new field and most of my worries are non existent because the process is fun compared to the product
I'm 32. I'm on the cusp of graduating with a PhD. Struggling a lot with the last step of it, but never mind. Terrifyingly, I may or may not get my dream job in academia afterwards. So in many ways I'm impressive, and either ahead or on time with my peers. I KNOW that. And yet, I feel kinda behind and pathetic too. I never really held a real job, not for long anyway. I'm on-and-off financially dependent, only now slowly crawling out of that particular hole. I live with my parents, again. Even friends who are younger than me - which is most of my friends, because I feel closer to them than other 30+ y.o. - are getting married or having kids already, and I have barely any romantic experience at all. Life is not a race, but motherhood IS a race between you and your biology. I don't qualify for a bank loan, let alone an adoption. And I can't support or even emotionally manage more than one, maybe two kids, so in vitro doesn't really work either. Not to mention I don't actually want a "traditional family", but don't quite fit in with the LGBT folk either. I don't really belong anywhere; in every community, with every potential romantic interest, I have to explain myself about SOMETHING. Usually the fact that I am religious, and HOW I am religious, which is a particularly intimate topic to me. And complex. I'm not willing to explain my theological struggles, religious belonging philosophy and internal moral life in a bloody Starbuck's. But leaving it to the other person's imagination makes me a complete outsider in pretty much every circle I move in. So I pretty much resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life by now. Wouldn't mind being a single mom, but that's under a big question mark between the fact that I am definitely not ready for a child NOW, and I don't really have the years to mature anymore either. Anyway. I'm ahead AND behind, kinda wise while also being kinda like a ten-year-old kid in my head, and all of my life, family life, health, mental health, habits, dyscipline, financial stability is a mess. All this while being a published academic author and so on. Life is complicated, my point is. I guess. Rant over.
I’m gonna be 28 and took the leap this year to join the IBEW. I’m a 1st year apprentice making 14.44/hr. Trust me man you’re doing great - trust the process and give it time
Congrats. I'm an IBEW apprentice as well (5th year). It's not for me so I'm trying to switch into a programming career but if the trades is for you then you can't go wrong with that union. Some of it may suck but it'll be worth it for that massive paycheck.
I was a slacker student who could be smart if he was given the right tools. Sadly, I was in an underfunded county and the teachers were firmly stuck in their ways, and I was too different to be given the proper attention. I'd be put in special Ed classes, even though I read at a high school level in middle school. I was told I'm slow because I found math boring (it is). I was given no support when I hit puberty early and fell asleep during class. My grades suffered, and I never quite got the education I needed. To this day, I feel left behind by my peers... and yet? I know I'm smarter than many of them. I taught myself Python, Database management, got my degree, worked as a Pharmacy tech with no schooling, learned how to invest in the stock market, play guitar, and form a network of close friends. Still, it doesn't matter if I was better than anyone. I had to become better than who I was previously. Each year I feel like a different person. Each year I push forward. It's all you can do
Hey, I’m watching this video just now and I’m amazed at learning that Dr. K actually started studying medicine at age 27-28. And this does actually give me some realistic perspective of how people don’t need to make the right career choice at age 18 or 19. Next year I’m going to be 26 years old and I want to start a bachelor’s degree in psychology. This did actually make me feel better, because I was also worried about how I’m going to be like 7 years older than other students. 😅
I'm 29, first year in psychology. I have a blast at doing it. So much more fun and motivation than when i was 17. I'm an engineer and was afraid to give up my career for something i really care about. Best decision i have ever done in my life.
I'm a sophmore in high school and up until today would compare myself to other students all the time. I always told myself it wasn't healthy and they were in different positions, but this video really helped me understand that.
It's never too late. And even if you're a cleaning person for a living, it's still a success. You could be homeless, addicted to substances or not alive at all. One should relish every good moment of their life, you don't have go further or up in life. Go for it, only if you truly want to.
It’s definitely past experiences hearing things from your parents and peers alike and comparing a lot to how far they’ve gone. The transition out of high school into college with Covid restrictions and the advent of social media is quite the cocktail. When you don’t know exactly what you’re doing and doubt yourself while other people your age show off confidently that they’ve traveled, have their own house, husbands and wives, kids, a full job and friends, it’s incredibly daunting. Add onto that the usual place to get info being youtube and tik tok which skews your mind on the most amazing of people who’ve accomplished the most amazing things all served by the hour, and the whole idea of being something special and above the rest. People may not say it directly, but there’s a lot of input externally turned internal that creates these unbelievably high expectations on top of everything else you have to deal with and the unfairness of not even feeling good about accomplishing it because, “well it’s what everyone else does, it’s what is expected. It’s nothin’ special.”
I like the part where Doctor K is trying for 5 minutes to hint to David that the person he should be comparing himself to is only himself, but David is so in his head about comparisons with other people that he does not pickup on it whatsoever.
I think I'm pretty content with my life at this point, even though I'm a late bloomer. But when I hear about people my age who hustled in their 20s so that they can retire in their mid-30s, I'm freaking out because they have 6-7 figures in savings and investment while I have $0 in my retirement account.
Thank you ❤️ this actually made all the difference in my life at the moment. I'm finishing with my degree in 2 months and the thoughts about what next, what are my short falls, what I didn't achieve are creeping in. This made me sit and think about my 4 years of hard works and really appreciate where I am right now. 😊
Bruh I'm 24 struggling with my first year of uni and regret so much and this guy thinks he's behind on life. It really does come down to perspective. Life is incredible.
@@TheMASDrummer LOL wow it's already been a year. Pretty horrible lately but overall good and more hopeful than last year for sure. Hoping things get better.
Whoever this viewer is definitely one of the best viewers I've seen talk to Dr.K. I can tell this guy's gonna make it. He just doubts himself too much. If he can get rid of the doubt inside himself he will be ultra successful and happy
I don’t think comparison is always a bad thing. Here’s why. Sometimes you see others achieving something or living a life that you didn’t even realize was possible. Then it dawns on you that you’ve maybe set the bar far too low for yourself. Or you’re settling for something about yourself that you don’t need to. You think “well if that guy can do it I sure as hell can too!” Personally I think back to when I was learning guitar as a teenager. I loved playing with other players that were light years ahead of me skill wise. First and foremost I always learned something playing with them. Second they would show me stuff that I never would have realized was even possible. And then it inspired me to wonder what else is possible. What next evolution of playing is there. I still play for fun but now I’m an adult in a career in sales and business development. I love seeing sales and business leaders achieving things far beyond what seems possible. It inspires me to try to new things and get creative with my own practices to take my performance and my team’s performance to the next level. The key in these scenarios is to be able to remove your ego from the situation. Stop attaching your self worth to the end result and attach it to being someone that’s open minded, a life long student, creative and always striving to grow and evolve.
Let me say it this way.... success is a relatively recent modern construction that we think everyone has to be successful in their own way. Nothing is wrong with or to try and be successful but success is a burden not necessarily a blessing. Success is a force by witch we can judge people within a complicated society and not a emotional state of happiness big difference.
Graduated Aerospace in 2021 at the age of 24 , didn't find a job, still can't really, I'm almost 26 no job. This past year has been so rough me one, Everyday I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I stuyding a whole new field. I'm trying to exercise daily, I'm trying to make new friends and be more open. I like that I'm taking steps. but honestly I'm not seeing any improvement. Sometimes I just want to lay in bed and play video games. I stopped doing Video games and being lazy these past 2 years But guess what? I'm still jobless, and disappointed at myself.
@@reptilesgamers00 oh hello, thanks for bringing up that comment to me again, I just started an amazing job a week ago, people there are great, salary and environment too. I made some friends along the way, I believe the time spent self improving and studying wasn't wasted. and to answer your question, Yes Aerospace engineering was my degree but I'm currently working as a machine learning engineer
ayo my man grasp instantly every question and thought that Dr K throws at him, mad respect, I'm 7 minutes in but I think ima finish the video just for him.
The end is spot on and this is what I don't get about most lifecoach and other stuff, that you need to prepare for your 60-70s as soon as you start working and you need to have the goal of a comfortable retirement life. Fuck that, I would much rather enjoy my life right now than ruining it for the possiblity of a better one 30-40 years from now. Also all this "save a percent of your salary" bs is just crashing down hard on all those idiots with this insane inflation, you love to see it.
I often want to turn off the video after few minutes, because it seems like there's no knowledge for me, but it turns out that I can find useful informations that enrich me, even though the situation might not be exactly the same, but the questions dr. K asks give me a lot to think about and try to answer the questions.
The title has me anxious man. 3 seconds in I have paused, taking a deep breath... Edit: 6 days later, I think this my phobia, the inevitable time itself. The dreaded fear that it may be too late to realise my ambitions. The thought of my limited lifespan.
I’m not in pursuit of any academia this point in my life but in regards to the comparison game, a great line I’ve come across that’s is profound is your exactly where you need to be in any point in your life in comparison to no body. Once you start to compare you’re behind by default. “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday & not to who someone else is today” - 12 rules for life, Jordan.P
Not sure what's gonna happen but I related a lot to this guy and made a list of Ws. Also love that perspective "do you want to trade a year in your 20s for a year in your 60s?"
I spent 5 years in community college due to my major and I had to work. I’m getting 2 Associates degrees I’ll be 25 when get my Bachelors, and I’m transferring to a university. Also I’m the one of the women in my family to be in college and the only person in my family to get a science degree. My mom had to wait until she was 40 when she graduated.
As a 46 year old, yes you are. It gets harder as you get older. Want to be successful with good looking women? Want to be successful in an important career? Want to have lived a life fullness adventure and joy? Want a decent body? Better have got somewhere by the time you're in your early 20s. It don't get easier.
one of the reasons i DON'T send my kids to school is because the kind of school i would like to build I am just not in a position to build. and such a school doesnt exist in my locality. i COULD compare myself to Dan Greenberg who along with several others founded the Sudbury Valley School back in 1968... it is because of being a victim of circumstances that i even have the perspective to know what a Sudbury School is, because if it wasn't for my own missed potential i would have never gotten interested in education in the way I did. there is always a chance that my kids will start something like that instead of me, but i can't replace for them the time they will be needing me the most, so i have had to dock any ambitions that might upset what is, in fact, a very cushy life, well suited NOW to raising them, even if it wasnt my 1st choice
I haven't finished the video yet, but I feel like the caller is too scared to admit that **dating** is the reason you have to finish things faster and why there's a "cutoff". Yes, you can date at any time, but every year further into your twenties and beyond it becomes exponentially harder.
Dr K has a very positive outlook... but that doesn't change reality for many of us. We are behind, we don't have forever, we do have to sacrifice our youth/grind harder, and it is NOT okay. Some things just can't be lotus postured away.
I keep hearing these discussions about "expectations other people set for me." What if they weren't? What do I do when the goal I have is actually something I thought through and truly want for myself?
Then you keep working towards that goal no matter how much you fail. Keep your expectations extremely low and work towards your goals every day. Make your goals small if you can and try to be consistent with them every single day
Then you still need to enjoy the process. If it’s just the "goal" that drives you and it's putting you under pressure, either the goal isn’t "yours" after all or you just need to take a step back and focus on the process. Life is not about goals, it’s still about living it.
“The person you should only be comparing yourself to is yourself” 9:08 Is life a race, where the more you’re ahead with other people the better you will be? When we really think about it, it feels like one. “The world tries to compare you with other people all the time” 11:00 “The amount of time you have to figure things out is until you die” 12:39
what is important in all that. Everything is amuscle that need to be trained. Also letting yourself bin proud is something that you need to figure out and then be trained.
I don't think that the bit around 15:45 about feeling like you're doing well having *nothing* to do with comparison is sound. Yes, comparison running rampant is how your ego gets away from you and starts to hurt you, but comparison is also a way to get objective data to use to assess yourself. With zero comparison in your whole life, you won't even be able to construct the self-directed metrics that you started talking about right after this. Perhaps I am interpreting what you are saying too literally, however.
Have been feeling that for a decade now. Am 22, most successful among my peers, ex classmates, work colleagues. Still feels like it's not enough cause some wunderkind out there is doing more and getting more money that I am. And is probably some years younger.
mushrooms. 5 grams or more. you need to check your ego, clearly you are a high achiever, no need to have your ego making you feel shame for those achievements. when you kill your ego, it still exists, it just moves out of the way more an more. 22 is way to old to be feeling that kind of existential angst and to young to be feeling midlife crisis. i turned 22 the year before trump was elected. the year trump was elected i made more money then i made for the previous 4 years. shit changes fast. if you do mushrooms dont be a new age weirdo, do it alone, in silent darkness. have an honest trip. I deeply commune with Jesus when i trip, a lot of Christians don't condone that, but i found Christ in the fungus.
@@namesurname624 not particularly. any strong variety in a safe situation. i recommend a variety with a longer come up on the first go. the longer come up leads to a higher peak. its scary, dont force yourself to take it if you arent comfortable. if you are a Christian i recommend praying about it.
The funny thing is, and it's almost like you have to experience it a couple of times before you realize this, that, the mountaintop, it's not a tangible thing.
I did some calculations, like, my rent this year has risen 9.8%, so in 7-8 years I'll be paying double and that made me realize just how much I need to improve in 7x365 assuming it takes 10k hours to master something. That's at least 4 hours a day I need to put in in order to get good at something that won't put me on the street 🏃♂
