You are a 25 Year Old Loner 

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as a 25 year old man with no friends and lives alone, I feel called out

Being in your mid 20’s in this era is so lonely, its like once you got out of college its nothing else to life than finding a soulmate, having children, and work to death. Friends only comes and goes.

There's a significant chunk of social experience missing from my life. i was overweight and socially awkward for almost my entire teen years and thus never went to parties, never had an interest in girls, never had a gf, never got into trouble and only hung out with other 'outcasts'. It feels like there's been too much damage done and it feels impossible to fix now

When I was 25 I felt like a loser so I made an effort to make friends and keep in contact. I got a wide social circle and was busy every weekend visiting different people which went on for like 5 years. I hit a bad wave of depression and I just wanted a friend to visit me so I wasn't alone, even a future date would give me something to look forward to. I called 30 people I considered my friends and they all had the same answer, "You can visit me but I won't visit you." One person agreed to visit me and that's the only thing that kept me from killing myself that night. At least I know I won't need a large funeral now.

I just turned 25 last week. I've been feeling this way since 18. Great timing

This video made me realize that my parents not only didn't teach me how to maintain relationships, but emphasized *not* needing them. I constantly remember hearing "You have the rest of your life to make friends" from my mother and her constantly pushing me to focus less on friends and more on education/career/moving out, even too the point of homeschooling me in a super rural area. Now that I have done that (I have a job, my own apartment, im starting a career) I'm in the "rest of your life" stage and all I know how to do is work and be by myself, I've realized that socializing to me is a terrifying unknown and it has only gotten worse the longer I haven't done it.

I'm almost 28 and it does gradually slip away from you the way he explains. Alot of it, there's nothing you can do to stop it. In my early 20s I was able to keep up with most of my high-school friends. Then one left the state, and another. Then for me it was myocarditis at 23, requiring a heart transplant a year later. In that time 2 more friends left the area, another one died from cancer. Before you know it, half of them are gone, the rest of them got involved with girls, had kids, now they work 2 jobs trying to stay afloat and a re so busy that you can never get them out to hang out with. I'm a runner and biker and it's pretty bad when you go out for a ride on a well known trail on a sunny day and there's nobody out there but old couples that are 40 years your senior. I work in a foundry with 200 other people, alot of them under 30 and I get along well with almost all of them. But for some reason they just don't become anything like the friends you had from childhood, you never get to that level of trust with them. The generation coming g up will be worse, there's a 19 year old I was training and his social life is basically where mine is, but he got there 9 years sooner. Do your best to keep your friends, but don't be surprised when it ends.

“there is no such thing as friends in this world, they don’t exist”. That sentence is one of my earliest memories and one of the only things I remember my father drilling into my head throughout my childhood. I don’t know how to maintain friendships, let alone a romantic relationship. I feel like I’m rebuilding myself from scratch and it’s exhausting, no guidance, no love. In a way these videos help me build myself into the type of person I want to be.

I'm actually 21 but I don't feel like arguing so I guess I'm 25 now.

"Have your parents sat you down to say you seem kind of lonely" Yeah, in their own way, which sounds to the outside observer as "you need to get a job and find a girlfriend is this really what you've chosen for yourself"

Honestly, i just gave up since i used to put in all the work but never ever really got anything out of it. Only when i let myself be the butt of the joke people seem to like me and i'm done with that. I feel lonelier with other people around. The constant repeating conversations just tire me out.

Feels sadly comforting how accurate this is and shows where as a society we are headed

You working for the Feds?

25 is about the age when I realized just sitting around and waiting for social opportunities to come my way was no longer working. Your social life (especially as an aging man) is your responsibility.

Relatable. I no longer care any more.

My biggest struggle is trying not hating my parents for this. I have always been very close with mom and alright with dad (as in nothing too serious). Spent most of my life only with mom, as dad was either always at work (comes home at midnight and out before we woke up) ,except the weekend he was with us. Then after I was 11 he was working in a different country, would see him once a month or so. Mom was always close to us, trying her best basically raising us alone plus my mentally disabled brother, but she was constantly doing her best, easy to talk to, etc.... But.... she was a total loner herself, and I think she also had/has some sort of undiagnosed adhd/or spectrum thing. The problem is I know and saw how hard she tried for us all her life, I even remember at home she had so many books on parenting etc... She really did try her best all the time, so I feel so ashamed of "hating" her now for only missing a couple of things. And even to this day, me being 30, she's always up for conversation, support, asking what can she fix, do, etc... but this is something she can't fix. I feel so guilty with all the efforts she made and still tries for us, but everytime I struggle with a social situation I just flare up in anger. I also moved schools and cities a few times.

For me it's an utter failure to properly reciprocate socially. I have opportunities to chat with people, the occasional girl who smiles at me, hobbies / a career that puts me in contact with people and yet I have an utter inability to reciprocate socially unless I know them pretty well. Even then it's more surface level because I'm afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve after growing up feeling like I'm weird and boring. Sure, maybe there was no inciting incident but it feels like more of a death by a thousand papercuts situation that resulted in me having almost zero self worth.

My summary notes (Reads best on desktop) --------------------------------- 1. Failure to Launch 1.1 - When they were young many loners had all the momentum. But as time passed on, a divergent gap begins to emerge 1.2 - People who don't have any singular traumatic event, "nobody but themselves to blame" (its a systemic issue tho dont't blame yourself). 1.3 - Every year that goes by , it gets a little bit worse. It gets replaced from a loner to loser. 1.4 - You think its your fault and also take the blame from the systemic side too and responsibility for things out of your control. All you can do is lose in this state. 2. The Forces at play 2.1 - How did you learn to make friends as a kid? Did your parents help you pick out gifts and birthday cards? (learning the rules of social reciprocity basically). Parents do A LOT of work. Adjusted kids have support. Dr.K gives example on a grade 5 fight where a parent intervened and calmed things down. 2.2 - The Internet, a new force that was not around before. The world was a lot smaller before fractured communities. Result: Bunch of people not taught how to maintain social relations. Parents didn't have to learn this because society was different then. 2.3 - Dr. K conceptualizes it as a person's karma. The confluence of events that led up to your current state of affairs. A BUNCH of factors. 2.4 - Think about what you were really taught... 2.5 - There is no such thing as a loser when you conceptualize it this way. 3. What can I do? 3.1 - Don't blame yourself 3.2 - What are you responsible for? Mind Trick: Your mind will start thinking in shoulds , its not what you should do. It's what CAN you do. "Should" makes you feel worse when you progress. Just focusing on the stuff you failed to do is demotivating. What can you do TODAY? If you can't do anything - that's okay too. Can you send a text? Can you send a discord? Start building up your small wins. 3.3 - Your mind will have all kinds of judgements, but let them come. One step at a time. This is THE scientific process of how its done and how therapists can make someone walk again. Stay in the present. Stop always living in the future. 3.4 - It doesn't always have to be action at the start, it can also be learning (but don't use this a crutch tbh - personal opinion, not from Dr.K's video) 3.5 - Check out the Discord Sandbox on healthygamer discord to practice socializing. With focused intention. 3.6 - It just requires focused practice + guidance. 3.7 - Don't give up, just do it differently. (paraphrased edison quote from me -- I discovered 9999 ways not to build a lightbulb, ie - it just needs to click once and keep trying till it does) 4. What happens in a social scenario? 4.1 - You spend all your time on your phone for example and you eventually train your brain this environment sucks. So when you enter the new environment - surge of emotions comes up. Makes it feel like you only have two choices - Suffer or Give Up. 4.2 - Let those emotions come out with therapy, meditation, walks, other positive activities. It's a necessary step to healing. CHATTER QUESTIONS //////////////////////////////// 5. Dr.K answers chatters question/parenting course (about halfway through environment section). Not fully relevant to topic at hand so I'm not gonna write that out. 6. Is being a 25yo Loner ok? Yes its okay AND you should do something about it. 7. What happens if nobody responds? Completely irrelevant. Stop accepting responsibility for the behavior of another. Let's move on. Does not matter at all. 8. It just takes commitment -- 99% right. But there is no such thing as commitment, its just today (hinting at staying in the present moment). 9. Improving social skills w/ clinical social anxiety? - Get treatment , you have to start here. But its not a substitute for 10y of atrophied social skills. You might need actual rehab. 10. What if you feel you have nothing to say? - Watch interviews from Dr.K , you'll notice he doesn't say much in the first 30 mins. You can just ASK others and be willing to listen. Use it as an opportunity to learn from others too (possibly). 11. Too late to socialize at 31? It's never too late. It will be rough/feel outta place - but its never too late. It's just a feeling, not a truth. And that's a wrap. Hopefully this helped someone out.

Dr. K., you lifted a ton off my shoulders! I was a 25 yr old female loner/"loser" in 1990, long before Internet, and two years later I wrote my first novel about a 27 yr old male loner/loser. It was decades in the making and I had no money or publisher but issued it through a newspaper in episodes and it somehow launched some sort of career, a very modest and still lonesome one. Writing saved me from suicide but not from loneliness or poverty and I'm still learning how to sustain friendships. With over 20 books published to date (including that one) it seems a little easier now. Without the weight of guilt, it will be even easier up from now. Thank you!

Progress makes you worse, that line is so true for me, no matter what I do, I never felt good about me, that's why I like staying where I am, and not move forward because it reminds me of how far I am from my goal which is worse 🥺 I am incredibly thankful to you for sharing this

Generation Z was not prepared for this social experiment ... social media, lack of third spaces & lack of real life communities, online dating butchered Gen Z so hard its sad.

My problem is that I easily make friends but my anxiety convinces me that they just pity me and I just phase myself out of their lives.

Thank you, I needed this, 25 year old here experiencing this exact crisis. It’s extremely depressing and frustrating, however, this analysis has been somewhat soothing and helpful

I'm 26 and identify with this.I always had the capability to do well in school but stopped doing work,grew up in bad conditions,and never developed socially.I proceeded to get my own place,car in early 20s and lost it all due to alcoholism.Wasted those early 20s and now have to start over again at 26 and everyone has passed me by.Given how life has gone for me,I don't have any real interests,hobbies,and don't even know what I want in life.I will not let that dictate my future and am determined to have a successful life from here on out.

Can't believe this is from a stream. This is better than somebody scripting a lecture for weeks. Thank you, this helps a lot!

"What you control is your actions, not the outcome of your actions." Inspiring quote, Dr K.

hey dr. Alok, if your reading this I just genuinely want to thank you. After watching a couple of your videos and getting to know what your about its all become clear to me. clear to me about a couple things really starting with your genuine desire to help people and your videos clearly reflect this. Your always honest with your audience, you don't incriminate them or try to scare them of themselves you simply do your best to tell them where they are and point them towards where they want to be. To be personal for a moment, I grew up in a family of nurses. my mum was one before she retired for medical reasons, my sister always wanted to be one and in particular my dad was a psychiatric nurse. while I didn't want to be one I thought that if I was ever having mental health issues my dad was definitely someone I could turn to and ... oh boy how wrong I was. As soon as I told him and the rest of my family about the depressive thoughts I was having due to constant bullying and segregation I was facing it turned bad quickly. It was never "Im sorry to hear that" or "is there anything i can do to help" what it was is "YOU'RE FINE, SAY YOUR FINE" and "YOU TAKE EVERYTHING FORGRANTED". To this day I've never really been able to share my true thoughts and opinions with them to any meaningful acknowledgement, I may not ever. Watching your video has made me more self aware of who I am, where I am and the things I CAN do with my life. I know all may not see it this way but what I wanna say at the end of this for lack of a better term you truly are doing "gods work" and that work is doing ffaaarrr more good than you may ever realise. please keep doing what you do and thank you for doing it!

I hope all my 1998 homies are fine :')

I swear Doctor K is the demon/monster/shadow thing in my sleep paralysis watching me at night and the next day makes a video about what I was dreaming/overthrowing about at night.

Re: social skills - my parents never taught me anything on making friends. Since I was precociously intelligent I guess they assumed I would just figure it out. I eventually did, but not til my late 20s. But looking back I realize, they didn't have a lot of friends themselves. In fact, they didn't even really like a lot of people, not even family. I was never given these skills, _because they did not have the skills either._

I've certainly learned from Dr K that the goal is not the destination, but every step along the journey. I keep coming back to these videos, just as a reminder of how simple it really is, cause it's so easy to overthink everything. Thanks for helping me put things into perspective over and over for years. I'm nowhere near complete, and will definitely come back just to have you break it down all over again for me. Thank you.

Funny I just found this video. I feel so seen and understood and empowered!!!!!! I'm 25 and have been feeling this way now for a couple of years. Know that you are not alone if you feel this way, and please know that it can get better! Through small actions are great changes brought to past. Like Dr K said, we can control our actions, and not the outcomes. Be of a present mind and not a future mind! If we focus on our own actions, we will feel more empowered!

Takeaways: → Most people are not taught social skills. → There is no such thing as a loser, its only a product of circumstances. → It’s not your fault that your here but its your responsibility do something. → Blame yourself for some of it not all of it. → Responsibility is what you can do and not what you should do. → Be aware of the demotivation from the people around you. → Learn to process your negative emotions in a safe way. → Treatment of parent’s anxiety can help child’s problems. → You’re not responsible for other people’s behavior but there can be a learning there. → Commitment is what you can do today?

"Have your parents sat you down to say you seem kind of lonely". Some parents secretly like that `failure to launch` makes you more codependent and gives them more power over you. They'll piss and moan about you not having your act straight but the worst thing you can do to them is actually get your life right and leave them without a punching bag.

You are talking exactly what I've been studying and told thousands of times, except you are so good at explaining. Thanks

I feel like the worst part is when you ask other people for help: "How do I meet new friends?" "What do you mean, you just go out and talk to people, duh." "How do I try and get a girlfriend?" "What do you mean, just ask them if they wanna get it on." All from the other person's perspective of "Well, I do just fine. Why don't you just do what I do?" Says the person with +10 in charisma and looks. Introversion and emotional intelligence are not celebrated features in today's world and it really sucks, especially for men.

I don't know if I'm just projecting my own difficulties with people, but I feel like to an extent EVERYONE is afraid of each other these days. I noticed it more after I started going to a gym, absolutely no one wants to interact with each other! I'm not even talking in the sense of people worried about relationship stuff or anything, it's like we're ALL afraid that everyone's judging us specifically, so everyone's all standoff-ish, but as a result we're all afraid of these people who just look glum and won't say anything.

25 yo girl here, everything in this video is exactly me. the rest of my life is kind of going well, i have a job, i'll soon have an appartment, but i'm completely failing at the human part of life. i have no one outside of my family circle, i ended up in a workplace where we're only 3 and the 2 other workers are much older than me. and even if i try to go somewhere to meet people... it's like people always know each other already and i'm the only stranger. haven't had a friend for 6 years and the last one was a fake one anyway. ngl it's tough

Everything makes sense now, I understand deeply because I experienced most of the things you talked about. Thank you!

The fact that these information and solutions you are giving us is free, it blows my mind, thank you so much, you are truly helping!

This is literally me. The parenting thing is so true. I would not even consider my parents to be my parents. My father and mother sure, but besides that they were more financial benefactors. I think I've had like 3 conversations with my dad my whole life and my mother went from the most absent to the most obnoxious person ever. Our dog probably new all of us better than we did each other.

Man, the part about no one teaching you is so true. It just robs you of confidence and knowledge. My dad didn't care, and my mom did 90% of things for me. Birthdays really were an issue, so much so that I told my parents I wanted to no longer have them when I was like 8. Talking to cousins and so forth was also an issue. Everything was always handled by parents. I was never told to call my cousins or talk to them outside of holidays. I was not given the tools to do so (phone numbers or addresses). I internalized our family meetups as largely annoying affairs where I was expected to be chummy with people I never otherwise talked to.

What you do here man is a blessing. Its enlightening just hearing you talk

Dude, I just want to say you're a great guy and I appreciate your content man

I used to be a decent student, 70s 80s. There is this one time i got 97 and i showed it to my dad, i was lectured for 2 hours about how he once got 105 and left me with no complement or even a 'good'. Ever since that day, i'm just a pass student. Until today and i'm one of the walking example of this 25 year old loner. Not only that, i got no motivation to fix it at all. It is what it is, as long as i have money, our modern technology is good enough for people to live alone for the rest of their life. For me, it doesn't matter if it collapse or worse anymore.

The stroke patients part really got to me. I am a 25 yo loner at this point, and in the past I've had a massive trauma - I broke my back and legs and basically my entire lower body. I couldn't even sit for months. And guess what I did? I started to slowly try. I cried in pain after every "training" session, I cried in misery and hopelessness every time I failed to sit or stand or walk. I thought to myself, every day, that I should've been dead and I will never be a normal person again. But after a year, I could walk on my own legs without any support. Now, 3 years later, I'm fully back in form. Sure, I still have back pains, and I'm not stretchy in places, but the distance I went, the amount of work I was able to do is amazing. Thank you for reminding me that I'm stronger than I think

This is the most wholesome and informative video I have watched on the subject. Dr.K, you are brilliant at what you do !

This video hit some core part of me through a wound I didn't think I had. I cried multiple times throughout this, but the thought of 'think and do the step you can do today,' I think that'll stay with me for the rest of my life.

When you said "I realize its not my fault but it is absolutely my responsibility" I started cheering in my home office. That is such a valuable lesson, and a critical one to avoid falling into the pitfalls of scapegoating and joining these cult like groups that tell you a singular entity or event is responsible for all your suffering.

Thank you to the editors for not editing out every pause while Dr. K speaks. I really appreciate the change back, it's a lot easier to listen to Dr. K like this with his natural pauses

I feel so much better listening to this video. I feel I have a much better understanding of my circumstances and what I can do about it.

I have been summoned here and took notes. Thanks Dr. Alok, hopefully I will move into real life from social media step by step

Literally had a dream last night where I was surrounded by friends and having a great time. Then I woke and felt extremely sad, like it hit like a truck. Thank you Doctor K for your videos that always seem to come at the right time!

My parents NOT only didn’t teach me how to be social, but discouraged it! My mom always saw me socializing as a “flaw”, a waste of time, complained when I had a new friend, didn’t allow me to go out and told me I was misbehaving if I went out “too often” in her mind… no wonder why I have “loner” issues at my now almost 40 years old 😢

What I needed to put the picture together! Thank you!😀😊🙃

As a 27 y/o, I'm just done with everyone.

Hearing that you had a rough time through college and after and started med school at 28 was actually so comforting. I'm in the same position, finally getting into school for my career at 28 years old. Seeing someone I really look up to like you having a later start than others and going through it is so reassuring. All your videos have helped me so much.

Jokes on you, I'm already 33y. "Cries in a corner."

my entire childhood I was never allowed to invite others to my birthday parties because my parents said the house was too dirty and they didn't want others to see it. The obvious solution was to just clean the house, but I'm not the one who got it all cluttered, and my parents, especially my mom, had no interest in cleaning the clutter because she is a hoarder. So yea every birthday was my mom, dad, brother and me. This changed a bit when I got older and could drive, but if I wanted to invite people, I would have to get creative with the setting, which was often fairly expensive, because my parents still don't let other people in our house. Up to this day, I have had a total of 2 birthdays where I invited 2 friends to hang out. Even still, I've never received a gift from someone other than my mom. When it comes to other people's birthdays, I would get invited to a small number of parties, but my parents would not let me go to any. It was always, "you have too much homework or chores, we don't know their parents, who knows what kind of people they are, you could get hurt".

You really helped me today. I've been working on reinventing myself for a while now but I find that I often slip into depressive spells when I come up short on the end results I want. You've helped me realize that I need to focus on all the things that I have changed about myself for the better. And that all these things I have changed have brought me to a point that I can try to make even greater changes. Not stew on the fact that I may stumble along the way while trying to manifest those greater changes. I need to focus on the 93%, not the 7%. Thank you so much. You've helped realize how much I have grown, and appreciate myself so much more. You've helped me so much with your wise words. I don't think I will ever forget what you said. Thank you so much. I will pay you kindness forward one day. Thank you again. I wish you a long, blessed life.

I am definitely not 25 but this discussion feels very close to home. I am 29 and i definitely felt like my elementary and middle school years were the best years of my life. My life after high school went downhill from there. I am working and attending college but I didn’t finish college at 22 like most people do and I never had a girlfriend though not having one pains me every day.

I'm 28 and an immigrant to Canada from Vietnam. My older and younger sibling are both successful in culturally acceptable ways while I just devoted 11 years to being a top warlock in a game, which I eventually quit last year. It's all empty now. I work in a warehouse and have no friends. I just go in people's yt and twitch chats when I want to socialize. While it's better to be employed than not, I still deal with constant shame every holiday and family gathering as I get told to either go back to school or apply to jobs like engineer and doctor that I'm obviously not qualified for. And those are the family members who I still talk to. My parents are divorced, and I haven't seen most of my mom's family in six years. I deleted them on social media when they'd send me long bitchy walls of text about how I'm a loser, and that was that. 20 some years of knowing these people and that relationship is over. I really don't care about getting close to people when it can just end at the snap of a finger. I guess I like having friends and family but not actually socializing with them.

I recently had a falling out with a friend of 5+ years, for being too negative and distant. I literally had the conversation about "taking one step forward," and three steps back." Before the falling out. i ended up messaging her and giving my point, and reflecting on what she told me. Ive been practicing seeing the silver lining and just being myself more now. Ive never been unpopular or bullied, if anything, i push people away because, my parents were bitter loners, and i became one too. And as much as im a first generation American, im also going to be the first generation to break this cycle of isolation. I have too much to live for and too many people who care for my well-being. This video is important, man

i guess my youtube suggestions have been reading my mind, i've been quietly stuck in my own head mulling over exactly this all day today. it's had me depressed for weeks maybe even months now, but this was just what i needed to hear. thank you so much doctor, im gonna refocus and start where i am and stop criticizing myself for not already being where i want to be.

As a 27 year old loner, i can add a bit about why there are more and more of us - because it's comfortable. With the internet and rise of social media, information overload has really become a problem and it is one of the things that is keeping me in this zone. In late teens, facebook groups were the thing, so high school drama and all kinds of relationships had changed from something that you have to think about when you are with people, to a thing that you can think about at any time. And then it became worse, because some things that happened in FB were now almost necessary to know when you got back into school, or you would feel alienated. Now for me, that was too much, so i just cut that out, left most of the socializing to my small group of friends and ignored everything else. That was fine until the end of high school, and when you got to college or somewhere else, i did not feel the need to socialize because it became the thing i avoid to not waste my mental space. But of course that made me not get new friends, and old ones had drifted to other things or got too busy, so i lost all that over time. At first it was lonely and depressed, buy got used to it over time, and after a few years im not even lonely anymore. Going back to information overload - now that i have discarded all that social stuff, i have way less things to worry about: i dont need to watch the news so that i could make small talk, i dont need to think about what presents to buy to x or y, or need to schedule time to go to the birthday or meetings, and so on. Now i have more time to do things that i want, and have less distractions from things that i need to do, and can deal with information overload a lot better because people i know dont shove it into my face anymore, and even if they do, i dont feel the social obligation anymore to give a damn about their memes or stuff. So yeah, it's actually quite comfortable this way, and while it's still fun to go and hang out with people, the effort required somehow feels too much now, and going out once a year has become a norm for me.

It's amazing how much really stems from childhood and whether or not your parents did a good job raising you. Just goes to show that people really need to be careful about having kids, because if they dont do a good job raising them then you're subjecting someone to a life of mental pain. The luckiest people out there are the ones with 2 parents who cared and who parented correctly.

Man...... ur good!!!❤🙏 Thank you

I'm only 22, but it's felt like forever since I left high school. The relationship with my old, but strong friend group, destroyed. 3 semesters of college, failed. Severe depression, only emphasized by extreme burnout. Started construction work at 19, despite all of the honors and AP I took and prospered in high school. It means nothing now. I'm now in my 8th semester of college (skipped one after the third fail), and just work full-time in construction and as a painter. I don't deserve friends or any sort of good relationships, tbh. From what I've been taught, I need to focus on my career, my education, my future. The days keep getting longer. It would be nice though to turn a "hopefully" into reality one day. Even if it only lasts for a day. Oh well, time to get out of this construction job first though.

I’m a 27 year old loner with some friends. I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m a virgin. I feel far behind and overwhelmed but I think I can maybe get out of this. I’ve always been way better at academic stuff than social. Dr. K brings up so many childhood memories it hurts. I wish virgin didn’t have such a negative meaning for men.

Emotional neglect is at the root of the problem for me. Learning about it helped me understand why I ended up how I am.

You're really good at explaining these complex ideas in a way thats easier to understand. I've heard many times from people to focus on what you can, do rather than what you should. But I could never understand what exactly that means. This explanation helped make sense of it for me

Thankyou for the education. love it.

My problem is that I don't necessarily like most of the people I meet. Most of the people I meet are generally untrustworthy and unlikable to me and I get the feeling that they don't necessarily like me either. It's such a weird thing since I get invited to these friend's parties and hangouts. I do respect some people, but they are getting harder and harder to find.

your content truly is a blessing for my generation, thank you

All this brings back a lot of memories. I'm double that age now and I remember the decision that set me on this path. In high school autism, and other psychological problems cut me off from higher education. So I started working low level jobs, but this wasn't a problem until living standards worsened. There's no way out at my age, I only have memories and daydreams of people I once knew and family I once had.

Thank you for this 🙏🏿

I'm a 30yo loner, but I don't.... feel alone or lonely. I like my own time. My hobbies and interests are mostly solitary since childhood- reading books, writing, watching films, hiking, birdwatching, painting and sculpting. When I see my university friends hanging out, my first thought is "aww that's so sweet that they keep in touch" not "wow i wish i was there" or "damn they don't even invite me anymore." Is that bad? Is that just self-delusion? Should I be sad that I'm not sad about being a loner?

I'm 29, and felt stuck for several years now, almost a decade. At this point, I've wondered if I can ever overcome the numerous obstacles in my life that I've constantly failed to hurdle before reaching this 'launch' you speak of. So hard to feel like there's still a chance even though I'm still trying.

Just wanted to thank you for makeing me feel ok enough to tell some ppl that checked on me from time to time that i appreciate them for that

This is amazing advice man thank you so much. It really hit me when you said you felt like a loser at 25 with a 2.5 GPA. I mean dude I have a decent GPA and was going to go to PT school but I thought I wasn't smart enough and also I have the social anxiety. Seeing you where you are today really motivates to push forward on my medical career.

I'm 25 and I'm struggling to maintain relationships. This is so relatable.

That story of the kid with 97 marks hits too close to home. I decided to stop caring about my parent's opinion on my studies after a similar incident happened to me , and it greatly improved my life.

Wow when you said “Progress makes you feel worse” It really hit home the end goal is all I ever focused on

Thank you for everything

I have two sons who could be on the path you talk about in this video. This is incredibly helpful to gain better insight into what's going on, and what I can do as a parent to support and encourage them. Thank you.

I am definitely a 24 loner. Finishing up my Masters and applying for jobs. Had a great internship but did not get a return offer due to slowdowns. Getting interviews but ghosted after the first or second round interviews. I don't have too many friends and just stay at home most of the time. I feel like I am giving up the best years of my life and going to regret it in the future.

Get it right. I'm 26.

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 amazing video !!!! Thank you so much for your work Dr G, can hear u talk for hours ... dhanyawaad

As an 18 year old loner I can relate to this video a lot. Whenever I try to hang out with people my age I feel out of place and like they’re only talking to me out of pity or because they have to. I was trying to look for a way out for a very long time and didn’t know where to start. This video helped me narrow down where to start. I always used to blame myself for my social blunders but it’s comforting to see that others also struggle with the same things I do and there are people out there willing to help.

This hits so hard. At 27 my mom tells me all the things she should have told me so long ago, it's sad.

I love your videos. There are so many actionable tips. Love you!

Wow thank you, this is so wild this is just what I needed to hear. Thank you for making this video.

Replace 25 with 32 and this is just what I needed today. Thank you so much for everything you do. Your videos are my medicine. :)

This was me 25 years ago - now i am 52 year old loner

This video made me send a text to my 2 best friends. I moved 3 years ago and ever since then we rarely had contact. Thanks man

So when you said "do your parents even maintain relationships" it clicked hugely to me. My parents don't have any friends, well my father has a couple but it's not close friends at all, to be more precise my parents don't have a social circle. And i saw that my entire life. Little by little, the lack of social skills (not their fault btw i never stressed that as a problem so they never identified it as a problem) and me seeing my parents doing just fine without close social circles ingrained in my brain the idea of "i don't really need people" because i saw them doing just fine without it. Difference is, i'm a young 21yo man still in the process of adulting and they are full grown adults almost in their 50s with stable jobs and connections if they so need them, they just choose not to, but if they need someone, they have it. I don't, but i didn't knew i'd need it eventually, so now i'm 21, single, have no real close friends aside from 1 who lives really far away and we can only meet like once a year, and i have no idea how to create and maintain relationships at all.

I felt like this for about 7 years or so, from 16 to 23. Had accepted I would stay lonely. I was actually pretty good at talking to people, but I didn't get invited to a lot of stuff and lost most relationships due to having no clue how to lead them. Dating was completely off the table, I thought I had no redeemable qualities and focused on "improving first" before I would be worthy of any affection. Couple that with an overachiever thing where I got insane grades in school but fell completely on my face afterwards due to not knowing how to learn and pace myself, I fell into a hole. I ended up getting incredibly lucky with free therapy and an incredible therapist, and after 2 or 3 years of it it feels like my universe changed in the last half year. The key moment of therapy was accepting that you have to respect and try to love yourself BEFORE trying to improve on anything. Sounded so outlandish to me when she brought it up, but it made all the difference. With tiny steps, amounting to a lot of road travelled, I actually got to a point where I have a healthy friend group in college, am doing decently well and like myself and some of my habits. Still working on my messy housekeeping habits from the sloggy years and there is still a long way to go, but I went on a date for the first time in basically ever yesterday ( and it went perfectly. ) Still doesn't feel real. People, focus on what you like about yourself, reward yourself for making even small progress, and take opportunities to get out there if you want things to change. Its a slog, but the moment you can look behind yourself and see the road travelled is so, so worth it.

I was this archetype at 22 aside from having a job. I was really lucky to have coworkers that hurrased me with good will and questions to the point I finally began opening up. Sticking to myself and doodling in sketchbook turned into long loud boisterous card games on lunch. I made so many new friends some that I've become close with all because one guy had the goodwill to pick at my brain. It was a beautiful moment in my life and I'll forever be grateful to have experienced it.

48 yrs old failure to launch guy here. Had a job for 15 years that I hated and not suited for. I got fired cause I sucked at it and new management wasn't haven't me. I work at UPS part time. I'm trying to be an artist on the side and I have made some progress but this is hard. I was always an outsider in school, and all throughout life, Definitely a loner. It doesn't get easier so fix it while you are 25.