Anyone who thinks this is the right forum for arguing the toss about pronouns has a sincere lack of empathy and insight...yes it's a thing to get on your high horse about, but not now, not here. It's not actually that difficult to accommodate, it's not rocket science to interpret the content which is vastly more important. Go take it somewhere else.
@@margaridamacgregor1471 we all defy reality all the time, it's part of living in harmony with others. I bet the last time you were given an unwanted gift by a relative you didn't tell them the truth and throw it back in their face? No, because that would be unkind, and not worth it. Yes it can be questioned, *well done you* but perhaps not here towards a trauma victim who is bravely sharing their experiences...and a YTer who is trying to relay a far more important message about something we should actually be concerned about and discussing. Those concerned with pronouns place too much weight on the wrong issue...at the end of the day it doesn't matter it's just respectful. Sometimes it's not all about us, how convenient and easy stuff is to consume (including language), and what we get out of things, or even the truth, sometimes it's about opening our hearts and minds, showing empathy to others and letting things go
It's always so lovely to be in your company and hear your signature "Hello!" It instantly cheers me up. There is so much negative subject matter in this field now, so it's nice to be with a beautiful, calming energy such as yours when confronting it. Thank you for everything you do.
I was trying to think how to word my post in order to express how I feel, and you've captured it perfectly! Yes, these videos cheer me up and also are like a tonic for my troubled mind, especially the things about how you internalise those messages. Just being reminded of that helps me heal, thank you sooo much ❤❤❤
This may seem to come from left field but much of Jodi's abuse of others contains a fixation on sexual thought crimes . I've really wondered if she couldn't wait to get her hands on Jessie because Jodi is repressing her own sexual nature and she projected it onto Jessie then proceeded to torture Jessie . I think Jodi is gay .
I am Lesbian and I definitely agree that Jody is gay. She is very obvious. It drives me crazy that she bashes the LGBTQ community yet is part of it!!! People like that are extremely hurtful and dangerous to the rest of us. Jessi is awesome, I'm glad that they are finally vindicated!!!
I would like to second those remarks .I relate so heavily it's triggering thank you for your work 🙏🏽 I knew I wasn't crazy then and you reaffirmed again thank you ❤
@@littlbbygl29 I’m sorry you relate. The videos of her laughing at her kids’ punishments is hard to watch. It is reassuring to see wonderful mental health experts condemn this as sadistic. It was so normal to me, I didn’t even realize how “off” it is. That’s healing to know.
I believe Jessi will be one of the children’s heroes. The boy who escaped has been separated from his siblings because Jodi and Ruby claimed he had SA behaviors. Jessi was treated the same way and it was false . This will be important in court and with CPS. Jessi paints a vivid picture of their experience.
Thank you for covering Jesse’s story. ❤ I believe they will play a key part in the eventual trial. I hope Jesse’s healing is enhanced by the world seeing who their Aunt really is.
I listened to Jessi talk about the food incident and they didn’t have to prepare the food for the family, but was expected to wash the dishes after everyone else ate the non-vegetarian meal. They refused and stormed off to the basement. This was the catalyst for being left with Jodi and her abusive so-called therapy 😢
The entire family sounds insanse which is very unfortunate for any child Born into that mess. I wonder why people who really don't like children end up having so many. Then they hide their disdain and abuse behind religion. Just sad.
Mormons, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, they all have as many children as possible to try to spread their religion throughout the world. Anglicans have very few children.
Those kind of people have children for control and power trips. It's easy to bully, intimidate, and control someone who is 1/3 of your size and doesn't have the same legal rights you do.
@@JustJ-Mehello I'm so sorry you went through all of that, it was very sad to read. I hope you're in a much better place now, sending you love ❤ I agree with what you say about doing well in school. It can be an indicator a child is thriving but it can equally be an indicator that a child is not thriving (emotionally and mentally). I too did very well in school, was praised a lot for being clever, but I suffered a lot of abuse in my family. I cannot say as an adult that I am thriving at all. I am scarred. I hope you find these videos help you to heal, I find them very healing ❤
@@JustJ-MeI would like to point out that the OP didn't say that anyone can determine how a child is doing overall by looking at how they are doing in school. She is saying that as a mother she would look to how her kids did at school, to help get get the most accurate view of the status of her children's mental health, I got the impression this means she pays attention how they're doing at home and if all is going well then she looks to school to kind of verify that what's going on at home was an accurate representation of reality. Ah outsider can't decide that when someone does well at school it means they are doing well at home, but someone at home that cares and is just trying to make sure everything really is as it seems, can look to how the children are doing at school to verify if things are pretty ok. This kind of parent would hopefully be the type that would notice even little things being off and would also hopefully be a safe place for their children to come to about any problems. I understand you guys had a bad time at home and did well at school, same here, but try to remember there are good parents out there and that this came from the perspective of a parent that cares enough about mental health to be on a mental health channel so they are probably an aware and decent parent unlike our own
The interview is on 'mormon stories podcast' and it's definitely worth watching. Jessie is a curious, honest person and had asked mom about the Mormon's view of black people. I believe that's when mom went to her room for hours. Jodi was a sadistic monster but mom was just as bad. Mom was so deep in her delusion and need to keep up appearances that she abandoned her own daughter. Jessie's friends had no idea where she was and people assumed she must've got pregnant and went away.. I'm so glad Jessie survived and is finally being heard and believed.
People keep speculating who introduced what: restraints, withholding food, Ruby or Jodi. But from watching Ruby’s sister Bonnie’s blanket training video, I think this type of punishment based parenting is very common to fundamental religious types, normalizing corporal punishment, restraints and withholding food. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was far more common than the mommy vloggers are willing to admit. They all need to be investigated.
I’ve been in and around fundamental religious “types” for almost 60 years and I’ve not noticed this type of abuse at all. I know of some spanking but I can’t recall any other physical punishment that would be considered abusive. I think it’s far more likely that the families struggle with some sexual issues and maybe things like strict dress codes, drug and alcohol use etc. But I’ll admit any religious leaders I’ve followed would never have tolerated any abuse within their church so we may have been protected from it more. But I think this abuse is possible in any home, religious or not. We see it every day on the news, unfortunately.
I’m horrified by the blanket training & the guide book used by these parents, “How to train up a child.” It’s a guide to abuse! I hope it’s put out of print & out of use after this.
That's the issue with punishment based parenting - escalation turns to abuse very quickly. The belief that you must "control" your children with threat of force (physical or mental) is a very dangerous one, and it's sadly common in religious types.
@@krisdiane That’s very true. And one thing I’ve noticed is that any group or organization that puts pressure on families to be perfect can be sources of abusive discipline and even spousal abuse. No one should feel like perfection is even a goal. Avoid any person that puts that pressure on your family.
Yes. There is actual video evidence of the need to hold dominion over the children and control them. Not only that, but Ruby had an actual meltdown in a video on her 8 Passengers channel when she was seeing her eldest daughter off to University. She said in that video, as she was crying, that she was upset because she wouldn’t have control over her life any longer. My take is that once Shari left for school, Ruby couldn’t handle it, so she pressed down harder on the younger children. In other words, her need for control was elevated due to “losing” one of her children to the outside world. The next two years must have been brutal for the other five children. Shari tried to step in and help but no one listened. I know this video was more to do with Jodi Hildebrandt - but the power and control you mentioned is very much inherent in Ruby, too. They came together and formed a raging storm.
Exactly 2 psychopaths found each other & it was like they were soul mates joined at the hip! What these poor children have suffered will last a lifetime and I hope and pray that they are not put back in the home because whether the Dad knew the extent of what it had escalated to is one thing but he was complicit in the video days of what his children were put through and that is clearly evident by the multiple video evidence. Sherry seems to have a good head on her shoulders and I think she’ll be okay but the older boy seems traumatised beyond words and Jody was actually his therapist at one point, she was the instigator behind him being sent away to that abusive camp. I truly hope they get the therapy they need especially the younger two as the boy seems to think that it’s his fault that what happened to him happened to him and that it’s warranted because of his behaviour which is not true in any way.
Parentification of the daughter by the mother that is typical of female narcissists… my mother did it to my oldest sister who was a mom to me & when she left for college then married my mother came down on me & made me her scapegoat. It’s all about family roles that children are forced to play on steroids here
@@caroleminke6116 I am so sincerely sorry that you and your sister had to endure the abuse of your mother. I feel for you and hope you’re healing. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your experiences. It takes strength, which you clearly have. 🫶🏻
I know lots of moms that cry and kind of lose it when their kids go off to college, but they certainly aren't crying because they can't control their kid anymore. They cry because they're really going to miss them so much. How was this not stopped earlier, it's so heartbreaking.
It's really terribly, terribly heartbreaking to hear what Jessi went through. Jessi seems like a kind, artistic, and sensitive person- and that wasn't acceptable in their environment- despite all that, their core was never shattered nor was it covered with a mask. Their ability to maintain their sensitivity and artistic propensities is truly a great testament to their strength. After all, what Jodi did with them was brutal- they were a sensitive, empathetic child pinned against a brutal dictator. Thank you for explaining how black-and-white and all-or-nothing thinking can create dynamics like this one. A dangerous, harmful dynamic. No one deserves to go through what Jessi went through- it sounds absolutely harrowing. They deserve all the hugs in the world!
This is a situation of the complete neglect of their children's needs. The parent's primary focus was how they thought they were perceived by the community at large. Especially intense in a religious household. Hope Jessi continues to be supported and finds ways to walk away from their injurious past. Always interesting to hear your take...and btw. That plant in the background is a beauty.
I had this style of upbringing, especially the religious trauma. I'm working through a lot of it now and I'm struggling. The black/white thinking that you mention is probably the hardest. Learning to hold opposing opinions of myself or realty simultaneously and leaving space for new interpretations... well to be honest it feels literally impossible. I'm left to create meaning out of nothingness, and to do that I have to become a real person, which I was taught is the WORST thing I could ever do. Systematic dehumization of children is my experience with religion. In those extremest circles, the god they actually serve is the devil. It's their animalistic, terror filled, no conscience domination hierarchy map that says "you can't destroy me if I destroy you first." They worship it blindly and joyfully sacrifice their own children to appease it.
Thank you for covering this! Watching Jessi on Mormon Stories Podcast absolutely broke my heart. The other story about that man who was in the Boy Scouts as well is so shocking. Jodi is a sociopath who sought out to ruin people’s lives
I would love to hear your opinion on Ruby Franke’s sister, Bonnie Hoellein, and her video titled “Blanket Time/Baby Wise”, a practice made well known by the Duggar Family. There’s a huge and frightening emphasis placed on obedience and being good.
@@LiveAbuseFree It definitely will. She doesn’t cover the corporal punishment required to do the training but her attitude about children being children is very off putting.
The increasing abuse also roughly corresponded with Shari's leaving for college. That would have meant losing her full-time nanny-housekeeper and deciding she just couldn"t deal with her younger. children.
Jodi apparently was highly recommended by the LDS church as a therapist 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ I’m glad Jessi has spoken up as they have direct experience at living with Jodi. They endured horror movies of abuse from her. I’m glad they are able to live their truth now. I listened to their long form interview on Mormon Stories, and I hope Jodi and Ruby and Kevin Franke get long prison sentences. 😢
I don’t understand how Jodi Hilderbrandt achieved such a stellar reputation. Was her great reputation just within the LDS Church? I hear more and more about people who left that religion because it’s demands. I’ve seen religion used to control children in one of my in-laws’ families. The father was so controlling and the mother was so submissive that the children turned out to be robots.
Despite the abuse she suffered, Jesse has turned out to be a strong, intelligent, independent and confident woman. I think much of the abuse she suffered may have also been a result of jealousy because Jesse is gorgeous and Jodi is unattractive and overweight and Jesse seems to be a very genuine and sincere person that is talented and possesses a tremendous amount of strength and Jodi wanted to hide her light. Now Jesse is letting her light shine and no one has the power to hide it anymore. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to revisit the abuse she suffered, but the fact that she's speaking out will inspire others that have suffered similar circumstances and give them the strength to heal and move forward with their lives. What an incredible person she has become and I'm glad she can sleep better at night knowing her abuser is behind bars and hopefully they will both get the maximum sentence and never see the outside of a jail cell again. I wish Jesse all the success in the world and I hope her life is filled with nothing but love, happiness and living out whatever dreams and goals she has set out to accomplish.
Jesse is a awesome lady, its amazing how she turned out to be such a great person, even being raised in such a abusive cult. Dont know if you saw the interview with the morman channel but, she gave out her tattoo Id and donations started rolling in and she was so shocked how so many let her Her know she was loved, it was so sweet.
'so its really all about what is the easiest for the parent'. 'It is all about what is happening for the parent...(not about the child)'. Zoe nails it again! :). This is very common in parenting, including secular parenting. I have wondered if it is a kind of cultural hangover from the Catholic idea of children being born evil. But my parents were non-religious lefties in the 60s and my mother made it clear that compliance was a very high priority. I was 'good' (that is I frequently did what Mum wants) and have grown up believing that people only love me to the extent I meet their needs and my brother was 'bad/selfish' for not doing what Mum wants and has grown up believing no one loves him. So goddamn sad. I noticed in Jessi's interview on Morman Stories that the children were responsible for connecting with the father, eg liking sport to have a connection with him. In my view it is his job, and his joy, to work out what his kids like and to connect with them through exploring and supporting their interests etc. All this compliance that controlling parents seek makes me very nervous because of how vulnerable it makes children. If you can't say No to an adult, where does that leave you?
Hi Zoe, I'm following a story about an influencer named Laire Lightner and I thought you might be interested in it. Her 21 year old son was killed in a motorcycle accident a couple weeks ago, and she believes he will come back to life. She has a whole group of people supporting her and she has forced her delusions on her children. Its very concerning.
Jessi just sounds like they're too good for their so-called family. They are intelligent and did well in school, and there are a lot of parents who would love to have a kid like Jessi.
Jodi’s modus operandi in every situation seems to have been to split up her client’s family, no matter who the client was or what the client’s “problem” was.
Orthodox Mormonism requires absolute obedience and compliance- especially from women. So your analysis of the parents seems spot on. I have a feeling there are countless victims of Jodi’s “therapy” out there. However given the culture of perfectionism - I doubt we’ll ever have any real idea of how many.
@FundieFridays did a great video on Jodi Hildebrandt where they also interviewed @JordanandMcKay, who are Ex-Mormons and shed a good deal of light on how the religious structure and the Mormon centered culture in Utah plays into the abuse. It's well worth a watch and I might be interested in the different angle.
Around the time, Jody destroyed Jesse‘s life the Mormon church had released this new covenant about gay people. Something about children of gay people needing to disown their parents if they wanted to go to heaven.
♥️ I’m loving your opinion, on this Jodi/Ruby case. Appreciate you. Jessi described they’re personal experiences in the interview so articulately. I was really moved by they’re personal experiences, and I’m so happy for them that they are now leading a life that brings them peace. And may they’re mental, emotional awareness and healing continue x
My mother used to say I was selfish if I didn't speak in the right tones. I had to be exactly how she wanted me to be. If i wasn't, she would withdraw herself as in leave the house
They read “The Book of Mormon” which most adults in the LDS church would have read. However Jessi found a lot of contradictions within the book and that impacted her belief in the religion of the family.
Love your insightful coverage. I cringe because my parents were so about the need to control every aspect of our lives (there were 6 children as well) so that they were never inconvenienced. We were always made to feel we were wrong & a burden to such a crazy & sick extent. Thank you for your spot-on & articulate coverage of this case.❤️
If their mother couldn't stand conflict, why did she marry & have children? She's going to have to grow a pair because life is nothing but conflict, especially when you go out into the world & into the working world.
Though Jessie suffered at the hands of her awful & obviously disturbed aunt, what I love about this story is Jessie is now able to help nail this horrible woman to the wall. Hopefully Jessie’s story will ensure this woman and her cohort Ruby only see the light of day from behind prison walls for years to come. The idea of abusing children this way is sickening.
Absolutely. I see it too. In shame based families, no boundaries exist at all, and as a consequence there are no sexual boundaries between the adults and kids. Then when children manifest this dynamic in their play, they are of course blamed and left to carry the shame for the whole family.
Oh, so rang a bell. Thank you, now I understand what was going on. I just have to convince myself deep down that I'm not unlovable. When I look in a mirror, I didn't recognise myself but my brother recently sent me a series of photos from when I was young through to my teens. I now look like that young girl then suddenly about 14, wham!, The Blob! I realise she turned me into that, she had complete control of my life, I couldn't have done that to myself. The Blob is who I expect to see in the mirror. It has been an eye opener and this post has made me realise it wasn't about me, it was all about her.❤
Thank you for analyzing this case. Jessie is beautiful and very intelligent. I can imagine the torture and the not even understanding of what was wrong. If thinking this wasn’t a cult base situation or religious one, probably none of the abuse would’ve had happened, ever, I suppose. My English is getting worse, and I can’t think straight, I don’t want it to not call Jessie on her own pronoun? They! right? And my grammar isn’t good either, lol. Well, I am glad Jessie will have justice after all, I hope it will happen soon.
I very much appreciated the host here being respectful with pronouns but it threw me off ... I've come from an abusive background too ... I can't agree with change of the English language ... I do enjoy this channel, respectfully ...
While my narcissistic father and enabling mother were MUCH (much, much, much) less vicious than these people, it is enlightening to be reminded how intensely damaging it is to know that one’s parents are fundamentally incapable in any way. Even in a significantly less horrific family environment, the lessons conveyed by damaged parents to their children are profoundly harmful and lasting. This doesn’t mean parents have to be perfect-but they MUST (IMO) be able to get out of their own heads sufficiently to show genuine self-awareness and to demonstrate empathy.
Can you also break down the response of the sisters? I think their response was so self focused, especially Bonnie. The 3 videos she did on this topic were so self absorbed and all she cares about it continuing her regular content where she exploits her children for money and to build their fancy house. Narcissism clearly runs in their blood line. I'd also be curious to know what your thoughts are on blanket training which people are criticizing her for. I love hearing your insights and I always get excited when I see you uploaded a new video.
I was severely neglected as a child so I'm not trying to be mean I'm just wondering if this girl came forward before at all or if she waited until the story blew up? Also a person can't be a they. She needs a lot of therapy.
I am shocked and disgusted that, in a video discussing horrific abuse, so many comments are focused on the fact she is using they/them pronouns as a sign of respect to the abuse victim. I’m sorry this was so “hard” for you to listen to. 🙄 Get over yourselves.
I'm a teacher and I'm finding it hard. It's called a lifetime (nearly 60 years) of continued reference. They need a new singular word. And I'd be the first to use it joyfully.
Thank you for giving me a new perspective on my own teen years and what was really going on with my parent. I have never considered that me being "bad" was more about them and not at all about me actually being a bad seed. What a relief, I've carried so much guilt with me through the years about what I "put them through", which really says it all doesn't it - all about them.
Hi everyone, I have just cut off a family member who is unbelievably toxic to me. I feel stupid that it took me so long to make the decision to look after my own mental health and my own family. It's extremely hard because other family members like my parents are texting me and calling me trying to guilt me in talking to them, because they are very old and might die soon. I'm holding strong and I hope that I will find peace soon because this is taking a toll!
I respect and have nothing but love for Jessi but I’m just to old to remember non binary speech. But even so it’s irrelevant to her horrible experience.
Jessi is not the only Mormon girl to leave the church and get tattoos. It’s her body now so she can do what she wants. It empowers her and is her calling. I’m sixty five but I can understand her need to run her life the way that makes her happy.
I so love your commentary, but I found the use of the plural pronouns here very confusing. Thanks for all you do to keep us informed of these terrible events!
I’m so disheartened by the comments being so disrespectful of Jessie’s pronouns and Zoe’s careful use of their pronouns. I have friends and loved ones who choose they/them, and I agree that it’s awkward when you’re first exposed to it, and I truly wish we had a better gender-neutral pronoun option. But we don’t. And anyone who chooses the gender-neutral option of they/them deserves the minimum respect of at least honoring their choice, even if you mess up occasionally. I agree, there were moments in the narrative where it got a little confusing, but instead of blaming the subject of the story or the narrator for respecting them, I used my intelligence and listened closely and figured it out. I really thought this audience would be more capable and accepting than this. Zoe certainly deserves better, and Jessie deserves even more.
Thanks for sharing this. I am disappointed too. Occasionally, I put out a video that seems to really show up the personalities of some viewers and it isn't pretty. It goes to show how many are happy to point the finger at abuse but don't recognise it, or even look for it in themselves.
@@LiveAbuseFree I appreciate you honoring Jessi’s wishes on pronouns. That said, I can understand some of the concerns, since yes, it can be confusing at times. It might have been clearer to just repeat Jessi’s name for some parts. Alternatively, when referring to multiple people in the family, you could also clarify that by saying “the family.” Two ways to disambiguate “they”. It’s challenging either way for people who aren’t used to the singular they. So glad you chose to honor Jessi’s wishes despite some pushback. Thanks for your insightful commentary on such challenging topics. Tangentially: I was watching Spidey’s (The Behavioral Arts) coverage of the Russell Brand accusations. A number of people in the comments there were speculating on him being a narcissist and/or sociopath. Do you know about that situation? Might you do a video on it? I’d be interested to get your take. :)
@@DawnDavidson I think you must have not read most of the comments about this. Almost no one's comment is about how to make it clearer if I make another video about it and continue to use the pronouns Jessi asks for. (I don't even know if this is the point of your comment - it seems to be more about what I should have done in the past). So when you say you can understand some of the concerns, you may be missing the underlying intentions that are jumping out of what's being said. Those people are not supportive of respecting Jessi's pronouns at all! They're saying using them is wrong, either because they have to put more focus and effort in when listening, or because they disagree people should be allowed to call themselves anything other than what they are biologically, or both. I will think about your language suggestions. But I also agree with the comment at the top of this thread - I've done the best I can, to express what's in the video. I did needed to re-do the entire video because I had forgotten about her preferred pronouns. Then when I filmed it for a second time, I needed to retake a few parts when I used 'she' by mistake, and it wasn't easy. If people are struggling, they can do their best too, to understand, instead of expecting that I'm supposed to magically deliver everything to them perfectly, so that all of the effort is mine. There's so much entitlement and judgment (mostly towards Jessi), going on in this comments section, it's depressing.
Paying attention to how someone abuses shows us a window into how they themselves were abused and what was important to stamp out in victims....so telling and sad.
Jodi is a classic sociopath and sadist. Ticks all the boxes in the DSM-V diagnostic criteria. I would say that narcissism is a feature, rather than the primary diagnosis, and sociopathy the primary diagnosis.
im so sorry, but she refers to herself as "I" and you refer to her as they...this is way to confusing...i cant listen to this video b/c every time you say they and she says I im like "wait, what? ... im just to old for this ...
Ok…I have to say this. I respect that people want to identify with their own pronouns. I accept people for who and what they are. However, this is the second video I’ve watched about Jessie. What she went through with this MONSTER is HORRIBLE and I’m so sorry she had to go through it. Trying to keep up with the story using the pronoun THEY can be difficult to keep up with. I’m sorry but, it is. When telling the story why can’t you just say, Jessie?
You mentioned Jessi spent at least 2 months without her parents. Maybe more, I noticed that number and it horrified me. I was traumatised when my mother went to a holiday for a whole month and left me with her co-worker and co-workers mother. I was 8. She could have left me with grandmother but for some reason she didn't, they were arguing a lot and that took precedence over my mental welfare. I remember sitting in the restroom for long time every day so I could cry and not attract attention to myself. They were good women, very kind to me, emotionally supportive. I had hot meals, my school was in walking distance, everything was fine on a surface, but I felt abandoned and numb inside. Till that day I cannot understand how she could be so cold to leave me with unknown people for a whole month. I imagine Jessi was older than me when that happened to them, but I feel their pain and feelling of betrayal. Their treatment was unfair and cruel. I hope Jessi can heal herself.
Oh my gosh! A month is such a long time at that age. That must have been so scary and upsetting. 😔 Yes, Jessi was 15 I think, so older. But they actually spent a year not seeing their parents, because they weren't allowed contact with them. They were only allowed to speak to them for the first two months. Then for a year, they weren't. The abuse escalated.
@@LiveAbuseFree I was so upset at the moment of writing that I misgendered Jessi, memories started flooding and I focused on myself. Your comment gently reminded me of my mistake without saying a word. Jessi was older bur treatment they've got was so so awful.
It’s so contradictory too, that they “mustn’t be alone because they cannot be trusted” became “you shouldn’t be around other people because you manipulate them, and cannot be trusted.” Ironic that in trying to prevent children from falling off the tightrope into hell, they’ve gone on to create that very hell around those children instead.
Thank you so much for taking such care with their pronouns. I'm an older "they" and my default gender expression/conditioned behaviours make managing my pronouns hard for folks. I tend to be able to live with that, because I have spent so little of my life working my way out of the freeze response associated with dysphoria, but baby Trans/Queers need gender affirmation as much as they can get. Esp ones coming from abuse. They live in a culture where that affirmation must happen now for them to learn how to feel safe. The freezing is often not there to protect them now. Anything affirming helps survivors, as it is. I had to comment because it's really soothing hearing you do this. I feel for Jesse and like you, I think they will deconstruct conditioning and childhood cognitive dissonance over time and be able to see who their parents really are. I accidentally forgave mine, but we don't especially need that. What we need is to know what happened to us and we can't really do that without doing a kind of genealogical schematic of intergenerational backgrounds and the family social determinants of health. Also break down parental personality traits individually and as a unit, if there is a unit. There's this primal drive to figure it out and the learning that comes from that is invaluable and transferrable to other things. Seeing young people who gave themselves a jumpstart on that, brings me joy. I feel like they'll get more non-recovery life. Jesse, if you see this, I would be over the moon proud of having a child like you. You are well spoken and have taken a lot of time and worked hard to get to where you are now. A lot of survivors can't speak, even if eloquent and hard working on their recovery. The freeze response is so jammed. I speak up too and when I do, I try my best to consider other survivors and how I can pull them up with me, as you seem to have done. Disclosure hurts. It's exhausting, sometimes for weeks after one event. I speak publicly in healthcare now. I could see you going in that direction, it's clear you won't tolerate silence. What you told the world cost you. I know it did. It's healing, but there is still a cost and I want to wrap you up warm in understanding of that. So I respect you. And will fight for your gay and trans rights, also. And mine. Big loves, young person.
Jodi Hilderbrandt's niece ... love your analysis of this. I learn so much from you about the human psyche and it gives me a different perspective on how to look at things. Thank you LAF.
Sad to hear what Jessie experienced, maybe it's one of the reasons she refers to herself as "they/them", to be able to alienate herself from the trauma she's experienced.
Enjoy listening to your take and on this, however it’s very off-putting when you’re referring to a woman as “they”. I realise this is her preference but it’s still the wrong use of the English language.
Your videos always create a lot of feelings in me, I'm not totally sure why. The sorrowful anger in your face when you described that they even took homeschooling away from the niece... I also find it so confusing how prolific these abusers become. As always, hearing your insight is at the very least a reminder there are still humans who like other humans around. Thank you for your clear and measured explanations
I leave arguments so I can stop yelling at people & calm down but I don’t pretend nothing happened. I just shelve the conversation until I’m ready to have it calmly. Is that bad?
