Are You Mothering Your Boyfriend?

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Today we're getting into all your dating dilemmas with life coach extraordinaire Michelle Elman! Are you mothering your boyfriend? When should you tell someone you're dating that you've never had sex before? How do you set (and maintain) meaningful boundaries? Michelle is here to share her direct, practical advice! ✨
Am I Ugly? By Michelle Elman* - uk.bookshop.org/a/689/9781788...
The Joy of Being Selfish by Michelle Elman*: uk.bookshop.org/a/689/9781787...
The Selfish Romantic by Michelle Elman*: uk.bookshop.org/a/689/9781802...
Michelle’s Instagram: michellelel...
CHAPTERS
00:00 - Intro
04:29 - Sex/virginity
06:29 - Being single
08:23 - Boundaries
10:35 - Relationships
14:18 - Chronic illness & relationships
19:44 - Long distance
21:59 - In-laws
25:23 - Outro
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Опубликовано:

20 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 82

@gamewrit0058 Год назад

13:00 "You can't resolve any emotions that aren't in your own body." 🤯👏😍 Never heard it headed this way, and I thinks it's brilliant! 💡❤️

@namidalou Год назад

I‘ve never had an argument with my boyfriend and was low-key worried as everybody said that you have to have a good „fighting culture“ 😅 glad to hear we can go on talking about our problems without arguing and still have a healthy and solid relationship 😂

@soupytho Год назад

QUEEN OF BOUNDARIES?!?!? Michele is the hero we need in 2023

@MichelleLElman Год назад

Thank you so much Hannah - as always, loved coming on your channel and thank you to the brilliant Mia for editing it in a way that hides how ill I was 😂

@ThePixiixiq Год назад

Hi Michelle. Is there somewhere on EU-side of the channel where we can buy your new book?

@gamewrit0058 Год назад

5:50 "There's a difference between privacy and honesty." 🥳👏👏👏

@sealwhiskers3515 Год назад

SOOO articulate. Honestly sometimes I feel like the answers to my problems just lie in hearing the right words in the right order. This was that video x5

@HerbOlTea Год назад

As someone who struggles with thinking of themself as a burden, love the idea of thinking about how actually everyone brings different things to the table and everyone has difficult times, and yours might just happen to be to do with health.

@mcterc2 Год назад

I would LOOVEEE to see more content on dating and relationships with a chronic illness/disability. I'm currently single and content with that, but also would love to find a partner to share my life with. But due to my chronic illnesses/disabilities, I struggle with the actual logistics of dating - finding the energy, dealing with the passive rejection, maintaining plans once they are made, physically taking care of myself so that I feel confident and comfortable meeting new people - I'd love some advice on how to put myself out there in the world as far as dating is concerned while working within the constraints that my illnesses put on me.

@jeywithane130 Год назад

you know the thing when you lift a stone in the garden and a hundred bugs come rushing out? this is how i felt for this video but in a positive way. the bugs are well-phrased, delightful nuggets of truth and advice.

@zoeziebee Год назад

I felt a bit emotional when you were talking about starting new relationships with chronic illness and worrying about being a burden. My ex of several years ended things because my illness was too much for him after it came on. It broke my heart and made me think my issues would always be too much for people. Then I met my current boyfriend who, like you describe, found all my needs etc to not be a problem and was happy to help where he could.

@ajh3301 Год назад

Absolutely! Tears were rolling down my face. My husband of 22 years left because he couldn’t cope and decided his happiness was more important. There was no communication, just one day the words “I don’t think I want to be with you anymore.” I also kind of gave up. Who would want to be with suck a broken person? Thankfully after counseling and time I decided to try. I have met the most wonderful man who accepts me as I am. So glad you have found someone too!

@gryt.andersen8710 Год назад

I loved what you said about bad communication being the norm in society and not overtaking other people's emotions so that they have the space to feel their own emotions

@spriddlez Год назад

So much good stuff here but the one that hit me was "It's difficult to be with everyone sometimes." I'm divorced and am now very uninterested in dating because it seems like so much work to be in a relationship. Interesting to think that it will be that way regardless of who it is or what their particular "difficult" parts are, physical, emotional, spiritual etc.

@sianthesheep Год назад

Enough pearls of wisdom in this to make a whole necklace! Especially the one about the perception of chronic illness by default being one the biggest issue in a relationship, even though one without empathy and good communication could be much harder. I have ended up in bad relationships because no matter my partner's behaviour I've been convinced it must be less difficult than them having to deal with my disabilities and their limitations.

@shirleycarvajal193 Год назад

I didn't know Michelle but wow, just after this video I'm a big fan! Thank you Hannah for introducing us to amazing people

@JudyCZ Год назад

The explanation of difference between a healthy boundary and a wall and how to make an effective compromise by looking at what the real issue is, was groundbreaking for me. I've been in a really long relationship and stuck in the cishet stereotype of "waiting for a ring". This made me realise that my main issue is the not knowing. It's him saying he eventually wants to marry me but not doing anything about it. I don't necessarily need to get married. I'm fine with a PoA for medical emergencies. But the contradiction has been killing me lately. Thank you, Michelle (and Hannah!) I'm an instant fan! 🧡💛

@sophieirwin3497 Год назад

Oooh her books sound so interesting, especially the boundaries books

@LemonSte Год назад

the bit around 11:00 - seriously! All my past relationships / situationships were toxic, full of fighting etc. I've been with my partner for 6 years and we have NEVER shouted at eachother. We have minor disagreements occasionally (mostly misunderstandings, as I am autistic and English is his second language) and have only ever had one 'fight'. It caused a 2-month break, but calling it a fight is not quite correct, it was more of an emotional re-establishing of boundaries as we decided to become officially monogamous with one another.

@sofiaanderberg6020 Год назад

Omg love her PLEASE take her back for future videos 😍😍😍😍

@ellieriley4657 Год назад

Whenever a new video is uploaded from Hannah I dash to the kettle and sit down and watch. Because I know I’ll always take something great from watching one of your videos! Thanks Hannah and Michelle Elman! :) ❤

@sophieirwin3497 Год назад

I always think that arguments are a part of relationships, whether that’s romantic, friendship, family etc. All it takes is one persons in a bad mood/had a bad day and the other did an annoying habit that’s usually not a big deal. It becomes an argument but once everyone has cooled off and had a thought, it’s easy to be resolved with a discussion. Appreciation that we’re all human is key and unfortunately there’s days that we all hit our limit is necessary.

@testosteronic Год назад

Oh hey, I have adhd and my partner has adhd, suspected (not officially diagnosed) autism, and a chronic illness. We communicate a lot, that's the main thing that makes it work I think. Even tho she has more diagnosed things, I have my own problems too, you can have a balance of supporting each other. Like, she's the first partner I've had to understand that when I get frustrated and angry over seemingly small things it isn't personal, it isn't about her it's about myself, and she gives me so much space to work through it without judgement

@nikkismith8750 Год назад

I absolutely LOVE what Michelle had to say about having a relationship when you have a chronic illness. Thank you! :)

@rachelam18 Год назад

The language around arguments was actually really interesting. There have been a few times me and my boyfriend have argued about something and in my head it’s been a big argument but when we’ve spoke about it later on he’s just seen it as a minor disagreement 😂 I’ve never thought about it the way you’ve put it. The part about illness being a burden actually made me sad to think this person felt that way. Relationships are not straight forward, to be with someone long term, you are gunna get the shitty parts and both people need to be able to communicate and deal with it. Marriage vows say “through sickness and health”. To me, you don’t just run cause you’re going through something hard, the other person probably needs you and your support more then than ever. If they’re not up to it, they’re not the right person.

@Jenny_796 Год назад

That’s great guest hosting!! Thank you for that, very happy to see the development happening.

@Hikari2Yami Год назад

Michelle needs a RU-vid channel. This is fantastic.

@kate4781 Год назад

Regarding the long-distance relationship question: I think considering the choice to spend time with your partner as investing in building the life you want for yourself can be a helpful way to explain your decision in a way that respects your individual personhood.

@mrswats Год назад

Such a good video and very interesting topic! Did not know Michelle but I do now and will look for these books 👀

@eline6731 Год назад

I definitely relate to it being helpful to voice to your partner what your fears and insecurities are regarding your chronic pain/illness. I have chronic, frequent migraines and have definitely said to my partner before that I was worried that I was burdening him or that I wasn't able to be a good girlfriend sometimes/often, because I had to spend the day in bed so frequently. He has always very understanding and has massively supported me from the start and has assured me he never resented me for my illness, which was a fear of mine. I always try to make sure to let him know how much I appreciate him for everything he does for me and I also think that him seeing me on my worst has strengthened our relationship.

@Nina-rv4sz Год назад

I always enjoy coming home on Tuesday evenings and cooking whilst watching your video. Loved this video and especially hearing Michele's take on relationships and disabilities so much! If there were more questions, could you do a part two?

@ojiverdeconfleco Год назад

This was amazing!! She's amazing!! The answer about chronic illness and relationships was SUPERB ❤️

@Bublee965 Год назад

Love this kind of content, thank you Hannah and Michelle!

@CharaMcN Год назад

Ooh, what a good guest pick! Thanks Hannah, and thank you Michelle for the wonderful insight. I will definitely have to check out your content! Also as someone who's had 10 surgeries I'm always surprised and impressed? is that weird? when someone has had more! Solidarity~

@laurenschenck5355 Год назад

This is so amazing and so helpful and inspiring! ❤️‍🩹🖤❤️💛❤️💗💙💜💙🧡🌈🌈🧡💗🤍🤎💞💝💖💖💔🌈🧡💗💙💜💜💙🧡🌈🧡💙💙❤️💛💛🖤💓💞💚🤍💖💖🤎💞💜💜💙💗🧡🧡🌈🌈💛🧡💗💙💜💜

@pauli_joy Год назад

This video is so healing 🥺

@sonyamohe Год назад

you've earned a new fan Michelle! loved this so much

@filibusterfirework74 Год назад

Loved hearing these Q&As from Michele ❤️❤️❤️

@irocurseoxoff Год назад

This is brilliant, I want more Michelle on Hannah's channels!

@alisonpritchard406 Год назад

Two of my faves together - love to see it!

@MikeStrip Год назад

Incredible work! I totally understand the one about chronic illness. Communication is so crucial to a relationship. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

@catrionaclarke1800 Год назад

This is an excellent video, thanks Michelle and Hannah!

@SongsOfLostThings 11 месяцев назад

So many things I needed to hear and that are helping me! Thank you both so much! Looking at the unmet needs when "compromising" was so simple yet mindblowing to me. Keep doing what you are doing!

@lumenmist Год назад

Michelle has the best advice!

@seanfsmith Год назад

Omg what a crossover! Can't wait to watch this :"D

@IceNixie0102 Год назад

How do you establish boundaries/personal space/being overtouched with small children? They can't understand why sometimes I JUST CANT ANYMORE.

@johnnymissesme7464 Год назад

How very well explained everything was! Loved it, thank you ;)

@_ZB4 Год назад

Oh I needed this - also loved the shout out to Holly Bourne - clearly w my gals over here! Can’t wait to binge these books too

@SpiceyHalo101 Год назад

12:25 for the question in the title

@irismeeow Год назад

love this so much :)

@emmi3785 Год назад

I and my partner (of nearly 5 years) are both conflict avoidant and super caring about other ones feelings. As we clearly care each other so, so much, we have had room to grow strong trust to each other (despite our trauma backgrounds). We know that other one is never wanting to hurt us on purpose. Of course, we both have sometimes been hurt, but it is always accidental, and hurt is mostly related to trauma background. As we are equally scared of hurting each other, from day 1 we have gone through "what if in future" kind of questions. We have gone through so many likely and unlikely schenarios, that we just don't need to fight. We know that we can solve any issue together. We give each other and ourselves room to feel feelings. Ask how they want to be supported that time. When feelings are calmed (at least partly) we can discuss, why we are hurt. We never undermine each other's feelings. So not having need to fight, can be in some cases super healthy...if both are that way and willing to solve issues together and support each other, always.

@phoebeel Год назад

I want to chip in to the first question! When you are having sex (as a non-virgin) for the first time with a new person, they don't know about your quirks. They don't know whether you'll be shy or awkward. They won't see that you are a "virgin" and they definitely won't feel it (if you are a person with a vagina) You can just say that you are shy and nervous (which is true!) You don't need to put out the whole story about your sexual history or lack thereof. Just say you're shy! It's fine. From my personal experience, I've always been super awkward and shy the first few times and it takes me months for example to do anything other than penetrative sex (somehow that's the least intimate thing you can do, imo)

@Sora_Halomon Год назад

Was slightly worried going into this with the title that the contents of the video would be more abrasive. Halfway through though and so far there is some good advice there. Thank you for the videos as always Hannah and thank you for the good advice Michelle (who i just met just now. hi Michelle).

@alyssia7239 Год назад

I've never had an actual fight with my boyfriend of six years... because we're both conflict avoidant 🤣 we discuss things but there's also never been an important matter where we disagreed. We don't live together yet so that may be about to change 😅

@rachelam18 Год назад

Best piece of advice I ever got when moving in with my boyfriend was ‘don’t let roommate issues become relationship issues’. For me, we bickered less because it’s worse having a major fall out when you live together and you’re stuck in the same house 😂 you kind of just let the little ‘living together’ things go

@thegirlwholivedinthetardis Год назад

Hello Hannah! I loved, LOVED this video and would love to send it to my friends but they don't speak English, would it be possible to have Spanish subtitles? I'd be more than happy to make them for you!

@cledal5448 Год назад

Wow, thank you Hannah for giving us thé chance to discover Michelle, I AM IN LOVE 😍 #QueenOfBoundaries

@MarinaSirena Год назад

Love the video

@bimaloxley Год назад

Michelle I loveeeee the part on unmet needs! ♡

@sophie9419 Год назад

I will say as someone on the opposite side of the first question, I found it extremely hurtful that my longtime boyfriend actively lied to me about his experience. It was my first time, we had been seeing each other seriously for years at that point and he always just told me he'd slept with lots of people at parties. That experience was actually a big part of why we broke up. I'd imagine it would be different in a more casual relationship but if you're in a committed longterm relationship, lying about something like that feels like betrayal.

@alisonpritchard406 Год назад

Theres a difference between not sharing information and intentionally providing false information though? Totally agree lying wasnt the right move and it must have hugely damaged your ability to trust him - breaking up very understandable - but thats not what Michelle was advocating for.

@EllieBerry121 Год назад

As someone who is in a long distance relationship (Suffolk to Surrey), I love the way Michelle talked about it. I have many friends who support me while I travel and spend most of my weekends to see my partner as he has a Muggle job and I don't. But I do have some friends who defo think that I shouldn't spend so much time with my partner which makes me feel sad and guilty. Hearing Michelle's words on priorities at points in times has been so helpful and made me feel less guilty. ❤️❤️

@vanhartegefeliciteerdmetje8941 Год назад

Hello from Holland, Ty so much

@papaya388 Год назад

Incredibly good advice! Maybe it should be in the title that it's a Q&A?

@Ross-cecil Год назад

I was parenting my old roommate. he didn't do the dishes without me prompting him and when he would do them he wouldn't even clean everything HE made dirty. One morning I asked him to take more initiative with it and he lashed out at me. He'd drink beer while watching football on the weekends and the empty cans would still be in the living room as I got ready for my day Monday morning. I was constantly picking up his clutter and he would leech the energy out of my body. He made fun of the youtube videos and TV shows I liked and now I'm too embarrassed to watch TV in the living room out of fear my new roommate will judge me. It's SO draining when you're taking care of people around you that are able-bodied and can be taking care of themselves, they see your time and energy as less valuable than theirs.

@SpiceGhouls Год назад

Just to chip in my two cents on the first one, although I agree you are not obliged to tell someone your sexual history, personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping with someone who was secretive or wasn’t willing to give me at least an idea so I know what I’m dealing with. As I’d struggle To fully trust them if they couldn’t be open with me. In that scenario, if I was with someone who wasn’t willing to be honest and disclose their history at least vaguely, I wouldn’t pressure them to tell me, but I would probably call the whole thing off, because I wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping with them anymore, and doing so would be crossing my own boundary.

@Charlotte-hv6ll Год назад

Leaving a comment for the algorithm

@diplomog Год назад

Thanks

@girliestmammy Год назад

💖

@evadebruijn Год назад

🙏❣️

@ninblau2095 Год назад

A bit of a letdown about the answer to the question. What Michelle suggests is still mothering and being responsible. There's this podcast on the topic I liked, if you're interested: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-u6FfxfRMQkw.html.

@graceelizabeth130 Год назад

I want to send this to my brothers gf

@emmabarnes609 Год назад

@hlkort Год назад

Oh my partners mother and sister believe that He is not very independant (wich is completely wrong in my opinion) and the first time they overtly told me I was just stunned. He is over thirty and has lived in a different City for over ten years. They were asking me "is he usually more independant? " because he forgot to pour the tea that He put the kettle on for. Like whaaaat? What reality do you live in? My partner didn't have any sexual experience when we got together. I didn't mind at all but knowing definitely helped!

@cheninblanc Год назад

I'M SCARED TO WATCH THIS VIDEO 🥲🤣🤣

@alandonsaji6673 Год назад

Why You Choose To Be Monogamous At The Same Time Support Open Relationships..?

@laurenschenck5355 Год назад

SO EXCITED!!! 💞🖤💙💙💛💚💛🌈🌈❤️‍🔥❣️💖💗💗💖🤍💞💞🧡🧡💚💛💜💚🌈🌈🌈💛💚💜💓🖤💙🤎💓🤍❤️‍🔥❣️💕🤍💔💖❤️❤️💘❤️💕❤️‍🩹🧡🧡💜💚🌈🌈🌈💚🧡

@ninblau2095 Год назад

I love how communist/anarchist/leftist?¿ you can be with such a capitalist structure. I mean, giving your plataform to a fellow creator, you bloody awseome, hannah. Love from barcelona

@laurenschenck5355 Год назад

You are so remarkable inspiring remarkable unbelievable unique amazing most special gifted person ever Hannah encouragement and blessing angel xoxo 😚 💓❤️‍🩹❤️🖤💛❣️❣️🤍💗💗🤎💖💔💞🖤🧡💜💜🌈💚💙❤️❤️💙🌈🧡🧡🖤💛❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹💓❤️‍🩹💛💗💛❣️💝💖🤍💗💔💞💗🖤🧡🧡💜💜🌈💙❤️💙🌈🌈🧡🖤💛❤️‍🩹💓🤎🤍💗💗

@laurenschenck5355 Год назад

I agree 100% with her on everything! 🤎🖤❤️‍🩹🖤💞💖💙💙💜💛💛💖💖🤍🖤❤️‍🩹💝💖🌈💜💜💙🌈💗💛💗❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹💝❣️💓💓💚🌈💙💜💜💙🌈❤️❤️❤️‍🩹💘💘💔💝💓🌈💙🧡💜🧡💙❤️❤️‍🩹💘💘💝❣️💓💚🌈💙🧡💜💜💙💙💙❤️💛💛💛💗