Thank you so very much for being on RU-vid. This just appeared on my main page as a suggested video. I ignored it but it kept appearing so I took the hint and watched. I have to tell you how floored I was by the content. I truly had no idea that what I've been experiencing is not just me. I thought I'd worked through my childhood issues but my recent past, along with your information, proves otherwise. I'm so grateful to know that I just might be able to dig myself out of this hole I've gotten myself into - again.
I think that's true for a lot of us. I started noticing though that the quantity and content (e.g. stressful news, violent/rapey shows) can, in turn, make it much worse.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy same here. That's why it's important to watch only uplifting, happy stuff like sitcoms, comedies, antiques roadshows, space documentaries, animated movies, etc...
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy It does, because it highlights the very worst of humanity; hardly helpful when wanting to build up a positive attitude or simply have a good day.
Hey guys and any one else who needs to hear it... i hope you heal so that you can live whatever days u have left. Im 34yo earlier this year the dr gave me the news... Time stops for no one. We think if we lock ourselves inside we are safe from harm but we are hurting ourselves. I hope you heal before those 4 walls become a self made tomb like mine did. No one else has what you have to offer. Someone may need exactly that. You may never know how many souls you could save by just being alive and present in the world xo
I isolate myself as much as possible, once I took the deep dive into the recognising what I was doing, feeling and thinking, I took the AA 12 step, staying out of a relationship until I was in recovery for more than 1 year, it turned into 15 years. I sobriety was the easy part. Recovery from my childhood is not.
0:58 b/w thinking 1:29 self neglect 1:51 food abuse 2:09 media overconsumption 2:27 dishonesty 2:42 too much work problems 3:11 blame 3:32 substance abuse 3:40 irritability 3:55 attracted to other traumatised people (me?) 4:22 avoiding romance (me? Possibly? I'm not sure) 4:36 sexually over expressive 4:53 fantasy 5:20 avoiding people 4:32 financial carelessness 6:32 failing to see trouble and repeating the same traumatising behaviour A lot of these are things I noticed about myself and have worked on improving in the last couple of years.
I get re traumatized every time when I am around my mother , I have to avoid even talking on the phone , I am learning to reparenting myself 💜🙏🏽thank you for you're videos 💜
@@marthawoodworth6907 Wow. I'm impressed. It's been several years now since I've even talked to my mother but I can't imagine her "melting". She has spent her whole life pushing people and genuine relationships away. From what I can tell, she checks all the boxes for narcissistic personality disorder. So I'm not sure any kind of healthy relationship is possible, even if I had the time and energy.
@@MsZephyra That's ok, too. It's hard for me not to fantasize that things could be different with my mother, but I know deep down that's not a realistic expectation. I just have to learn to be happy for those that can repair their relationship, all while giving myself a big hug, too.
I can very much relate to this. I notice how I actually feel after seeing pictures. I looked happy when I was with people whom I feel appreciated and cherished. And I looked very stressed out in family picture with her around.
28 years of 12 step work and 20 years of therapy and I’ve never seen a list of everything I’ve done to myself laid out so concisely. I think that might be because it took years of therapy to admit that I’d been abused. I was ashamed of myself just for being alive. I insisted that the abuse was punishment because I thought I was a rotten kid. The only pattern I could see in my behavior was regularly shrugging and saying, “Sorry. I guess I’m just a jerk.” I’ve watched a few of your videos but this one really got my attention.
@@tanusharma1102 An Example is AA(Alcoholics Anonymous) this was the first. Now there is NA(Narcotics Anonymous) and people have adapted the principles for other programs - Al-ANON is for people who are involved/effected by Alcholics. I found ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics - or other Dysfunctional Behaviors) really helpful for me. I have often told my children, "If you have the 10 Commandments and the 12 Steps - you should be able to manage life fairly well." Of course, one generally follows a pattern of early trauma and - errors - in thinking for a while before figuring out that - Life Has Become Unmanageable - for one reason or another.
1. Black and white thinking 2. Neglecting your body 3. Addictive use of food 4. Addictive use of media and entertainment 5. Dishonesty 6. Work problems 7. Blame, victim thinking, bitterness 8. Numbing with substances 9. Irritability 10. Attraction to troubled people 11. Unfulfilling romantic life 12. Abusing our own sexuality 13. Fantasy 14. Total avoidance of people 15. Debt 16. Repeating traumatic patterns You're welcome!
Today I finally called out my trauma for what it is. Not PTSD, not CPTSD - I have Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which has blasted my life to hell. Through sheer will ( which is my only legacy of my mother ) I am 'clear of the world' at 60. No debt, own home, savings in retirement and a damaged but loving husband. Now in retirement I can try to heal.
I would add "INABILITY/REFUSAL TO PLAN FOR THE FUTURE", which keeps us stuck in a very unfulfilling present. (P.S. I EASILY had 14 of the 16 ... or 15, if we include my new suggestion.)
@@berrylover Awareness, awareness, awareness ... If I see that I am just spinning my wheels in "stuck" behaviors then I just remind myself that any action - any action at all - is better than being lost in the spinning wheels of thought, even if it's like just taking out the garbage. Anything to break the logjam of thought. I try to focus on *actions* in my environment to re-ground myself in the present. Jewel, the singer, made a very interesting observation: watch your hands. Whatever your hands are doing is the truest reflection of "where you are in the moment" and what your intentions really are... Are you sitting there chewing your nails in anxiety, or are you using your hands to start to build something? It's a very interesting grounding exercise: throughout the day, just keep checking in on your hands, and observe what you are *really* doing. It gets you out of the mind's endless "hall of mirrors" that we all get lost in.
S Han You seem like one of those people that try and tell others “Don’t take medications, just eat healthier”. That shit alone does not work in a majority of cases. As someone that has severe clinical depression, if I didn’t take my meds.. I would be dead. Don’t advertise “a healthy lifestyle” over legitimate medications. Some people do truly need them but don’t have access.
It's sometimes mentioned that a person with CPTSD or CEN will retraumatise by being attracted to toxic partners, (I'm that way) but one thing I noticed they also often do is find wonderful partners who truly love them but after a short while, the one with CEN will demonise them to bits, push them away at all cost because they refuse to believe that someone can really find them worthy. They can't get over the feeling that there's something suspicious about it. It's tragic beyond belief for both involved.
You might find Richard Grannon's talk on counter-dependency interesting (there us a lot of insigh and advice on these matters on his channel in general). ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-A7SyttiYtt0.html
I'm a Senior. Have tried for years to change my thoughts and find help. Therapists are.not educated in this field. I just gave up n avoid social contact. Lonely but prevents severe triggers.
I'm sorry dear. The most unexpected people can be the ones who help us the most...I agree therapists can tend not to be helpful....but then again I found the first helpful therapist in my life recently, he is an intern at a community health center, not even an "official" therapist but he's nonetheless the best I've ever spoken with! It's awesome you're watching these videos about healing
Wow...the dissociative behaviors. I have been escaping into books since I was a child, and recognized how much I love to read, but didn’t make the connection that it was a life-saving coping mechanism until adulthood. When you’re a child, you can’t truly escape physically, but I could retreat into my books and my mother could not invade. However, she did do things like say, ‘get your nose out of that book.’ She could not tolerate even that much perceived exclusion or ‘rejection.’ I hung onto this safety net like a life preserver and did not let her take it away. I have done the same with TV my whole life, too. Period drama is my drug.
I am 56 and have all the symptoms you have cited and it is an ongoing daily struggle to keep myself in check. I even chose the wrong therapist who hurt me and made me sink further down into despair. I am now a recluse. Surriving thanks to the love of my ex husband and our children. Thank you very much, i just found you :)
I am pregnant and I am a bit scared of raising a kid because I am still in the healing process.But I have hope that things will get better and I would try my hardest to give my kid the best life.
Spot on, I recognize most, if not all of them. What surprised me on my healing journey, was that I was not alone, that there are many of us, and a lot more of them
Can you please elaborate on fantasy and maladaptive daydreaming? It was a huge coping mechanism as a child. But it's completely taken over now. I've never truly opened up about how much its taken over because frankly it's embarrassing. I don't need to lose my credibility further. Im pretty sure fantasy is one of the root causes of my dysfunction. But without it I become very depressed. I live in my fantasies and entertainment fuels it, gives it new textures and branches. Not just entertainment, anything new. I'm easily stimulated.
Hi @ArtistProtagonist. One idea you might want to explore is that the fantasy itself is not the root cause, but a coping strategy, for the real root cause, which is brain dysregulation. When real interactions, disappointments and vulnerable experiences are triggering, many of us develop weird ways to "get out of it" whether it's isolating, fantasizing, talking endlesslessly, etc. One approach to the solution is, rather than trying to make yourself stop fantasizing, working on gently strengthening your ability to stay WITH reality without dysregulating. If your fantasizing is in the area of relationships/romance you may want to see my videos on the subject of unavailable people ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-rPQbLQIVhCQ.html. there's a Part 2 as well. These are excerpts from my dating course, which you an learn about on my website.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you for replying! My fantasies are related to both success and romance/perfect relationships. But sometimes also going back in time and changing the past. I feel so silly saying this but i think a part of me really thinks its possible. That we're in a simulation and the creatures who created this universe can hit rewind and give me at that time memories of the future. Lately its been about changing the past. I'll run the scenario starting over different times and think what I'll do differently from each point often debating which is better. Before it used to be about miraculous things happening in the future and saving me. I've never opened up about this. Many of them give me a lot of joy but also makes me lose touch with reality. Whenever it hits me that this is fake and not happening/going to happen I get down... Usually when one fantasy has run its course. Because after a while they get stale and a new one has to start. I will watch your videos on dysregulation and unavailable people to understand more. Tbh I'm reluctant to let them go. It seems like all my optimism and good feelings come from there not real life. Maybe it's also about having control or rather not having that kind of control in real life.
I don't don't this anymore but I used to spend hours day dreaming as a kids. It's how I escaped. I don't know why it stopped but for some reason it did and just turned into serious depression.
@@ArtistProtagonist Stay away from manga/anime and Isekai then. Its fantasy literally geared to people that dissociate and can live in fantasy and .. want to, or imagine that without their abuse, trauma, different mother/father/family etc would have led them to live a literal different life/world.
@@elliemathews6884 Learn to process, become aware and feel your emotions in your body. There's going to be a lot for you to process before it starts to get habitual and normal to stop pushing down (de-press) your emotions and what ever other coping stratgems you have developed to avoid feeling and awareness.
I can tell Im healing because I can now spot troubled and bad for me people a mile away. Which has shown me just how many screwed up people are out there.
I distract myself with retraumatizing because I'm afraid to try new things, I'm procrastinating having to accept myself and do the things necessary so that I can help heal the world. We all have hard fought wisdom contained in us and we all have a natural instinct to be of service to all living things to ease suffering. There are obstacles but unless I dive fully into my life path as a human being (human beings, as intelligent stewards and guardians of all our brothers and sisters living organisms on Earth) then I will always be retraumatizing myself through masochistic distraction techniques and it WILL snowball and turn into something that causes me great grief in the future. There are so many people alone in nursing homes, with Alzheimer's, or alone and feeling trapped with their painful emotions just waiting to die, or people who are suffering diseases due to masochistic behavior, so really assuming my destiny as a human being Cannot be ignkred)
@@kelcritcarroll what's killing you, do you mean like how to heal yourself? If so, that part kills me too because it seems like I might have to help others to help myself more, but I don't feel "ready" to help others, or when I do try to help it just doesn't feel "right" and idk what I'm doing wrong. Ahhh!! Yes it's killing me too!!
@@hannahmiller3403 we all have things to learn in our life's path. It's ok to help others when we can, but sometimes our attempt to help is just interfering with their own chosen life experience.
I have so many thoughts in response to this comment... I hope that that person's response didn't discourage you from trying elsewhere to be vulnerable and reach out for help, because that person's response is the last thing someone reaching out for help needs! I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm adding this part because that person told you to pray and not to bug others. Which really angers me for you for this reason: If this person is a Christian (or at least claims to be one), I just want to give you encouragement that what you did was the right thing, and they were in the wrong: Galatians 6:2 says to bear one another's burdens, therefore fulfilling the law of Christ. (And the law of Christ: To love others in a way that builds them up.)
I'm so sorry you were told to shut up and pray about it.. My whole childhood I was severely abused and was raised by religious fanatics that forced me to attend church constantly. Well, as they taught me in Sunday school I prayed constantly for the abuse to stop and guess what!?.. it never did . I had to age out of it and get away.
linda justice Same here. I only got away cause I out in the work to get out of it. No one is going to come and solve your problems. I had “Christians” tell me that God must want me in this situation or he would help me find a way out of it. Seriously, no. I know not all Christians are like this, but those are really hurtful things to say to someone. Or I got the God has put you where he wants you. Um, god wants me to be afraid for my life? Don’t think so.
I went to a counselor that a bunch of people recommended. I really couldn’t stand her. She wouldn’t listen and would argue with me about my problems, she would tell me this is how you should be feeling. Yeah, I did, but not anymore. Nope, she said that I’m just not letting myself feel. So, I let myself feel that I deserve better and stopped seeing her.
@@lindy4justice Same thing happened to me. So much for the God who was all knowing, all seeing, all loving & all powerful. If he was seeing me repeatedly beaten unconscious & knew the damage that did to me, how come he wasn't loving or powerful enough to act?
1:59 I literally had chocolate midway to my mouth. I've had scary childhood but I also have a more recent trauma of random violence, and I've been searching self help stuff, which is how I found this. I know I'm an emotional eater in the first place, but for the past five days, all I've wanted to eat is crap. Thank you for calling me out. I did eat that chocolate though.
I use chocolate as well. The origin of this is its use as a painkiller, but I quickly found it could produce euphoria and ultimately function as a strong dissociative at high doses, as well. I've probably eaten more cacao in the space of a month than most people will in their entire life. I can break the addiction for several months, but if I eat even a small amount, I'll gradually escalate until I'm back to where I was before. People don't realize how bad it can get. Long term heavy chocolate use is... probably net "healthy", and it won't make you fat contrary to popular belief, quite the opposite, but it does things to you. It warps and dampens the mind, eventually producing a state similar to autism. Any manic or depressive tendencies will be exaggerated. One will become phasic between emotionally labile and completely emotionally dead. Enough stresses or the wrong kind of stress, I'll convince myself to consume it again.
I’m up at 5 am from gaming about to eat an entire kraft Mac and cheese box. I put the Mac and cheese in the fridge and I’m going to make a dental and doctors appointment tomorrow. Thank you 💕 Edit: also, two weeks sober! Edit 2: I wrote this comment a year ago and since then... We are not re-traumatizing ourselves... The title should be "Your symptoms from what happened to you are retraumatizing you!" It took me longer than it should to unsubscribe from this channel. The shame-based/ victim blaming approach really fuels my inner critic and a lot of misinformation has been spread here. I mean, I don't know what I expected, Anna is upfront about her lack of educational and professional background on the topic. Giving myself patience and understanding has been transformative. Blaming myself and using the inner critic to try and change all these symptoms was a big mistake, derailed my life for awhile.
@@ljubovv5610 I think that I understand: if there's little or no self love AND/OR the inner critic has not been conquered (or at least under new management)? That is what is re-traumatizing the C-PTSD sufferer. It's not you conscienciously doing such to yourself as Eg coping mechanisms, but the symptoms as an outcome of beating one's self up via the insidious inner critic. The ego and inner critic need a lot of work to master so that one can become effective on this healing journey and it takes discipline to manage those two areas (both are in appropriately trying to protect us). I agree with a lot of the points raised in the video, however, I have to say, in the past 15 years, the past 4 years especially? The world is FUBAR, has been wilfully made so by a few, and a super elite have made it that way - we can't take responsibility for that other than we may have elected some of the evil b@stards. So we have to work from within, perhaps limit our exposure to such too, almost fake it until we make it🤔 I hope that helps🤔🙏🤞👍✌️💜
I was 56 before life crashed to the point that I had to seek help, am 5yrs in therapy now and am working on many of the symptoms you listed but what stood out to me most was the one that wasn't on your list. My childhood trauma left me with the inability to "play" or "pretend" which made it difficult to teach my children to play pretend, which made it difficult for them to imagine a future or what they might do or be when they grew up. It didn't really show up in my first child because she is analytical and was an information sponge, but my second, (born 15 yrs later) is creative and I struggled interacting with her.
Hi @Chris, thanks for writing. I'm so sorry you have this going on. I have not heard of this symptom before, and did not know it was common. I will try to learn more!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I don't know if its common but it is still today a controlling factor in my life. It affects absolutely every aspect of living... I never knew how important the ability to imagine is.
I talked to a few different professionals about this topic and how I've been affected. While I didn't find the multiple visits/appointments overly helpful, I was told some interesting things. A counselor told me that because I've been so busted and broken, I'll always gravitate towards partners just as broken as I am. Interestingly she said something else too, that others would be able to tell that I was broken, and would try and take advantage of me because of it. Ever since I've been told that, I've kept it in the back of my mind. Always gauging how someone is interacting with me, what they want from me, and if they are being genuine.
I am cautious about people who find joy in being dishonest, duplicitous, gossipy about others, etc. Even in little ways. Eventually turn it on you, so I just let them go.
You summed up in 7 minutes what therapists can take 7 sessions ... or months ... or even years to ferret out. Thank you for this caringly-delivered comprehensive “inventory.”
I laughed out loud when you talked about eating and here I am chowing down on Chinese food while watching this. 🤣 In all seriousness, thank you so much for these videos that completely speak to my soul! It’s amazing how many of these things that you talk about line up with exactly what I’m like. It’s like you know my inner thoughts! I thought I was crazy and didn’t even know how to put any of it into words. You are truly a blessing.
It's so crazy how much bpd and cptsd have in common. I am socially anorexic, I have been shut down for 20 years. I am so depressed today , more than usual. Prayers to anyone dealing with these complex issues. It's like it's the story of my entire life.
Having undiagnosed bpd and adhd for years has not been fun however discovering the CCFairy has been amazing....it has alerted me to my own toxic behaviors that stem from loneliness and isolating from people as I no longer want to be hurt/abused/gaslighted/dismissed/re-traumatized etc...I believe there is hope for all of us...we are works in progress❤
Yep I have a problem with sleeping on time. I've been staying up late ever since I was a little kid, to finally be in my own presence and have fun.. but it became unhealthy
I was on anti depressants while I was going to therapy and they helped me so much. It always felt like I fell into a hole in myself and couldn't get out. Like old emotions were swallowing me and I couldn't be present. But now I'm learning to heal this on my own without meds. (Yikes. Community is definitely needed). I have every single "symptom" she listed. I'm overwhelmed by it but also freed to know I am not crazy and this fight or flight mode can be healed. My whole life is a series of constant pattern and pushing people away. When I was officially diagnosed with C-PTSD it took years before I decided to look more closely at this. Your videos are helping me a lot this season.
Thank you for making this video, I am currently going through therapy right now and almost all the things you said (well most of the things I heard because I was scrolling or alt tabbing) are very spot on. It's not just one thing you said that jumped at me. I tick almost all the boxes, and I am thankful that you made this so I can articulate the things that I have been doing to myself.
most of those… esp streaming or reading online nonstop, stress eating, becoming a hermit, freezing & unable to take action against horrible unfairness, wearing cheaper clothes that i could afford, inability to do the self care things regularly that i need… avoiding my work & important avocations giving up on a job…have had hx of the frustrated rages & staying in toxic groups trying to fix them, & giving up on romance …
It is getting difficult to find ppl who haven't suffered childhood trauma. I believe many suffer from it and are stuck in denial or have blocked memories of it. If we who are on a road to healing even mention it to those types of ppl they withdraw. It makes it much worse. They won't say why. It is like walking on eggshells to appear "normal". I refuse to fake it!
Ooofff!!! Tmely and absolutely on-point! ...I've been struggling with a ton of these, but they're so normal to me, it's not always clear that the behaviors can actually trigger that historical trauma state in me. Here's one: denying that my own emotions, neglecting my need, and then punishing myself for being such a needy mess and waste of space. That whole automatic cascade of self neglect, abandonment and abuse occurs almost unconsciously and lightning quick. Before I know what's even happening, I go from feeling a bit unsure or uncomfortable to fully shut down with self-loathing and defeat. I rehearse every dumb thing I said, dissect every interaction, critisize my appearance, berate my dumb choices, even doubt my ability to interpret and understand reality. This trauma state usually leads to escape and self-soothing behaviors, and often unconscious attempts to reregulate myself. These behaviors can lead to further neglectful, unhealthy, or damaging patterns, just like you've illustrated here. There are days when I have to force myself to complete basic personal grooming tasks, let alone higher level tasks, like updating my resume and applying for a more gainful and satisfying job. Ugh! ...I'm having to learn to SLOW DOWN and OBSERVE, to CHECK IN WITH MYSELF, and TELL MYSELF THE TRUTH WITHOUT JUDGMENT. There's a lot to this topic, but this is where I'm at in my process: trying to face reality without the trauma, self neglect, abandonment and abuse.
@Sara Stepp, not sure if you know that a) I know exactly what you're saying and b) I've recovered through some pretty simple practices. You may want to try them: crappychildhoodfairy.com/2018/12/27/how-i-healed-from-childhood-ptsd-free-techniques-that-help-re-regulate-your-brain-and-emotions
@Sheila Mchgee My problem with groups and talking about things is that I have stuff in my head that is so horrific I would never dream of putting in someone else's head. There are certain events that I will tell my psychologist happened, but I have told her I will not give her details because I don't want her (or anyone else) to have those images in their head... You just can't un-see somethings.
@Sheila Mchgee I can tell my psychologist I was the favorite play thing of every adult male in my life from the age of 3 without describing the details of each experience. I can say I became a willing participant because it made a little girl "special", the destructive training is the issue not what I did because of the training. A child is never responsible for what an adult teaches them. I can tell her what it felt like when I saw my dad in the floor after putting a bullet in his head without describing the scene... no one else has to have the graphic details embedded in their own mind. You can't say it doesn't have an affect on the listener, everything we see or hear affects us. Look at the world and see how commonplace violence is. We've become desensitized to suffering because there is so much suffering. I don't need to see the horror of my life in someone else's eyes to heal from the affects. I need someone to help me find the tools to recognize the thought patterns created by the experiences so I can change them. I am learning to take conscious note of a situation when the old thought patterns pop up and be the master of my mind. I am learning to "Take every thought captive" and make it Positive, productive, and protective of my soul. Its not about the experience, its about seeing what it did to my thought process and changing that. Its about learning to control my response to "flashback" situations so I am responding to the situation and not the flashback. She doesn't have to experience the trauma of the graphic details of my trauma to teach me the tools to deal with the flashback of the trauma thereby minimizing the re-traumatizing until the past no longer controls to present.
@Sheila Mchgee When I finally crashed in 2014 I was so lost I let them put me on meds, ultimately, I barely survived a "medication interaction" (Drug poisoning) that gave me a stroke, brain aneurysm, damaged my adrenal glands, kidneys, and liver and left me on disability in 2016. So NO, I don't take anything from a pharmacy, I had 3 doctors and the pharmacist supervising and yet it happened. And when it happened the doctors rejected me, pulled my medical records from the online access and 2 of the 3 of them actually moved out of state. Needless to say I have huge issues with authority figures... I smoke cannabis when I need support managing anxiety and panic but like anything I have to be aware of the difference between "use" and "abuse" of anything used as tool for "self soothing".
A lot of these seem like methods of dissociation. I admit I have a lot of these which I use. The problem is I’ve done a total cold-turkey quit of dissociative behaviors and it’s only led to intense suffering that made it impossible to function/make money/sleep. I get that the suffering is the beginning stages of trauma coming up but I think there are prerequisites to grieving this stuff. Could you do a video on the stage that you need to set up in your life before trauma is able to start healing? Daniel Mackler has a great series on this. He talks about how you need financial/emotions/physical safety in your life before your unconscious feels it’s safe to let loose and bring up all the immensely painful stuff. Any earlier and you risk tumbling back down the ladder you’re trying to crawl up.
I definitely need to hear, ‘Healing is possible ...’. I recognize myself in the list, too - such pain to work through to heal (more) and ‘approach’ feeling whole. Goddamn it feels like all I do.
Sheila Mchgee - How did you find out about your group? - I live near Chester and would love to attend one but only recently diagnosed and on a steep learning curve at present. Watching this video was very illuminating but very upsetting as I realise what a lot of learning and growth I have to do . I’m going to give myself a couple of days to process this and then start my healing journey. Good luck to everyone.
Sheila Mchgee - Thanks so much for all of this - I’ve only just read it as only just had the notifications. Also thanks for the ‘well done’ - I don’t get many of those. Well done to you too and good luck on your journey :)
I've had a damaging addiction to sugar for as long as I can remember - since I was 5 or 6. I also remember having damaging thoughts and what I see now as depression at that age. I imagine, of course, listening to this that the two are connected. Sweets were a drug for what I was going through in my household. I would keep going back into the little Debbie boxes and binge eating them. Once at 6 or 7 I got into the brown sugar and ate handfuls of it when my parents weren't home. Later that day I threw up on the sidewalk in public because I had made myself sick on the sugar. Fortunately I've never been overweight and this year I've finally made some significant progress on my sugar addiction. My mother was obese and brought junk into the house. She self medicated with food, cigarettes and later pills, and even later - alcohol. My father was addicted to drugs, alcohol and work. He wasn't home much, he loved to socialize and network. The truth is he enjoyed that more than being home with us. My mother had her own mental health issues. She was also very paranoid and controlling. I think she always had a feeling that my father wasn't being honest with her. And being grown now, I see that he wasn't. But he gaslighted her my whole life. They were toxic to each other and my home was always full of tension, anxiety and hatefulness. My sister and I would escape into our own worlds, playing together for hours. School was a retreat because it was so deliciously structured and yet relaxed compared to the emotional atmosphere of my home. I loved it. I tried to white knuckle my anxiety and other struggles for so long without medical intervention. I felt it was weak to need that. I wanted to prove that I could overcome everything my parents never could. But a year ago I realized that was a mistake. All of the emotional trauma in my life and my way of dealing with it has actually made me so physically ill. I've had IBS since I was a child and I would suffer immensely from canker sore outbreaks in my mouth. I started developing fibromyalgia when I was at least 15 years old and it got worse and worse until it peaked at about 24 which is when I started really changing the way I think and deal with things because I had become so toxically sad and bitter. Soon after that I started suffering from occipital neuralgia which has been debilitating and it has taken me about four years to find work arounds and even now I'm still quite limited. I can't drive anymore because I tense up and turn my head too much and I have to hold my arms up to steer. I was doing much better mentally when about a year ago the occipital neuralgia relapsed and I was stuck in the house for two months. It was such a difficult time, my husband was devastated by what he witnessed. One night I was watching TV with my husband and suddenly I went into what can only be described as a nervous breakdown. Not a panic attack, it was way worse. And it didn't stop, I was mentally messed up for months after that. I would lay on the couch and sob all day. I would have panic attacks every day. I couldn't function at all, I was in a constant state of crippling fear. I became clingy with my husband, I would panic if he left my side - he couldn't even drive down the road to the gas station without me with him. I was afraid something would happen to him. It was months of intense, uncontrollable and irrational fear that never stopped. Anything related to death or anything sad was a trigger for me. For a long time I could only was animated shows and movies to pass the time because they didn't have any triggers. It was the worst time of my life, I will never forget it and I'm grateful every day that I feel normal again. And it's because I finally went to my doctor last summer and asked for help. The first drug we tried worked wonders for me, it changed my life without changing me. It leveled the playing field and gave me a fighting chance, a more stable foundation to build on myself. I still put in the hard work to better myself and my life, but I'm no longer at a disadvantage. I take it every evening, I have an alarm set and I take it immediately because of my fear of what I went through. It helps me sleep every night and wake up feeling like I slept. It doesn't feel like I'm on anything at all. It so subtley works in the background that I just feel like I'm who I'd be without the constant downward drag of mental disorder and trauma. I'm just me now. I have bad days, of course, it's not a cure. And I still have physical illnesses. But my fibromyalgia flares are more spaced out and because I'm more stable I'm able to work on my diet to improve the IBS, sugar addiction and just my overall health in general. I've become a much more productive, active person. Everyday I'm just thankful that I'm not where I was and that I have what I do have. I have a good marriage, a nice brand new little 900 sq ft house that's paid for, two dogs who make me smile and laugh every single day. The biggest deal though is my sister and her daughter. We had to distance ourselves from our self destructive parents about five years ago. We relied on each other to get through it. Talking out our family's past with each other has been helpful, and we had each other to mourn the loss of our parents who are now just like ghosts of who they were. When we see them it's as painful as seeing a ghost of one who has passed away. And only she truly understands that bizarre feeling exactly as I feel it. We have never been more grateful for each other, our bond is so tight and all of the trauma has strengthened our relationship so much. My niece and I are so close too, she's 8 years old and she has lit up our life since the day she was born. Having her around has been so healing as well. I'm her favorite person, she is so loving and affectionate toward me and that is so impactful in my life because part of my childhood PTSD was being a sensitive child who was starved for affection. It's like the universe gave me back the affection I was owed - through my loving husband, my affectionate little lovebug niece, and my super cuddly companion dogs. I'm just so grateful and everytime I tell my story I tear up with joy because I've come so far and I'm just so, so grateful to wake up every day and live my humble little life. I may not have a big immediate family, but those I do have are great relationships. I may not have a big fancy house or fancy cars but what I do have is nice, taken care of and paid for. And I don't have to stress every day about what my parents are saying and doing because I've let it go. Every day my house is quiet and peaceful and I think back to that little girl that I was - living in chaos and wishing for peace - and I'm happy for her that in the end she did get to live in peace 💜
What a wonderful turnaround for you. The Lord does wonderful things for us out of His love. Nothing is coincidence. He created us.... He knows us....He loves us. He put the life and breath in our bodies, and only He knows the day we will pass. I am grateful as well for all the blessings He has given Me and put in my life. My loved ones are a great consolation to Me as well, and the little place I live. Like You, I'm so grateful not be around some of the chaos I grew up with. May God bless and lead You. Also I would like to know the name of the medicine that helped You, along with the other commenter, if You felt comfortable sharing🐹 I tried Zoloft & Paxil for mild depression a few years ago, as my doctor called it.... Horrible!! Both made me horribly anxious and depressed, and crying a lot. I got off them immediately. I was WAY better without them. Have used natural herbs and vitamins for years to help mood; works great. B12, Schizandra, Shilajit, Arjuna, Lotus Leaf capsules, and DARK CHOCOLATE every day, help tremendously!! 🍫🍫 Have a wonderful day :) Rachel in Nashville 😺🐠🐹😇🙏
Lord, I am 63. All but one of the 16 describe me. I have been so alone, but now I have hope. The 2 things I hate doing is writing and meditating, but I need some relief. Thank you for giving me hope. VIBERANT is my favorite word. You see i am an artist. Go figure. Bipolar, ADD, OCD recovering alcoholic. now CPTSD. At least I found you. Better late than never.
You hit on several of mine. After years of therapy, I can’t let go of hating my parents. Many things trigger me to crying over bad memories. I’m 71 now, developed depression, agoraphobia and chronic anxiety disorder at 34. I fear it’s too late. I live for my kids and grandkids and am so very lonely. Thanks.🌹
@Becky, I'm so sorry you've carried this burden all your life. I invite you to come try my Daily Practice. it can bring some relief, and a fresh perspective. You'll find it among my courses at courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
As mentioned, it's important to remember that everyone exhibits these traits/symptoms/defense mechanisms to some degree, and most people experience them all at some point, if not simultaneously. It's all about context, and severity.
I just started writing about my resentment and I felt that strong feeling for about 2 hours. Not a good feeling of anger. I didn’t know I was that mad! I feel a little bit better now.
I encourage you to ONLY write what is already in your mind -- don't try to search for your anger (that could make you feel bad). It's just whatever is fretting your mind at that time, dumped onto the paper so you can get immediate relief. Very important also to release/ask for fears&resentments to be removed at the end. Have you taken the free course yet? Would love to have you in the course and free calls.
Thank you again Anna I fit many of those categories I drink I avoid relationships I put myself in dangerous situations among other things we appreciate what you do for us♥️😁🧸
Since I never drove, I've 'relied' on what people have 'thrown' out...Example...rattan couches, wicker chairs-tables, bedding and especially 'food'...clothes...shoes....ANYTHING that I could reuse differently..I even have 'dumpster' dived ..gleaning rugs, food..store that has thrown away paint, furnishings..Halloween costumes....
I was really addicted to food due to my trauma really cold things like ice and iceream paricularly. I am also addicted to tv where certain subjects particularly relating to where others are suffering.Often their pain really sets off my own trauma.
I have tons of guilt and SHAME, especially, over doing crazy out of character behaviors. Cause and effect is something different Counselors and my AA sponsors I have had, talked about, but their explanations always lacked specificity. I had at least 3 childhood PTSD events, but I have never had a counselor or AA sponsor clearly explain and specify that those Childhood PTSD experiences could manifest as one or more of above 16 specific, self defeating behaviors. The CC Fairy nails it. Realizing I have Childhood PTSD, really is the first step to understanding my unhealthy and self destructive motivations and thus finding solutions to thwart and prevent relapsing into self destructive behavior. And I and others now have a list to know what lapsing into self destructive behavior looks like.
Probably the one I've practiced basically my entire life which seems to be the most particular to us is total avoidance of people. Ironically its also the one I've only even recently considered is a major issue. I've just conditioned myself that isolation protects me from dis-regulation but it doesn't. I can just as easily lose it in my car alone.
Thank you so much Anna! It has been a chaotic and traumatizing week for me and I needed to hear this so badly. Right on time again! Spending the morning taking stock and rerouting my thought process. Staying more positive and thankful for all my blessings and also how far I've come! Six months ago a week like I just had would've sent me into a deep spiral down. Today I am putting my care first and realizing that I have no control over anything or anyone but myself and how I handle me! Life has been so much better! Bad things happen, it's just part of life and we can blame and be angry and miserable or we can realize it's only a moment and will soon be over. It's our actions, mindset and the way we handle ourselves in the midst of trouble that lasts a long time. God bless you for all you do to help us, you are making a difference in so many of our lives!
I am diagnosed BPD just came across your channel... I am *so happy.* All of this is soooo incredibly helpful and supplements the rest of my treatment in DBT and such. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful knowledge and expertise, and for inspiring hope in a lot of us that haven't felt hope in a very long time. ❤️
Yes, so many people are traumatized to one extent or another. Not everyone has PTSD, but we live in a world where distracting ourselves from painful situations is easier now than it ever was before.
A cancer diagnosis will truly bring out old PTSD from childhood issues. There's medication for the nightmares, BUT what works even better for me: my two small dogs who nudge me and kiss me awake when I show signs of having a bad dream. Lots of sudden fear gripping me at inconvenient times. I think this is a lot of old stuff I already worked through years ago, but it's rearing it's ugly head again. I got a therapist who specializes in cancer patients to get some "brushing up" sessions to help me recall a more therapeutic mindset; having dealt with PTSD before, I'm not afraid to use medication to calm me before surgery.
Yes, but having one or two of these is normal. Having 5 or more (I have had all of these at one time) at the same time is not normal. My PTSD when I was in that period of time was out of control so I was experiencing every single one of these symptoms during the same period of time. It gets to be very overwhelming. Btw, sarcasm is a defense mechanism. You might want to think about why sarcasm to something like this is your first response.
Everything someone can do wrong is hyperbole. She didn't mention becoming an offender and abusing others the way we were abused. THAT is the wrong-est thing anyone can do. And if you broaden your view of Everyone and everything - maybe you just know a lot of traumatized people? I remember be shocked when people told me they were never molested. Didn't that happen to everyone? Wasn't it normal? Ugh. So what I'm saying is your statement is dismissive of the importance of healing. And traumatized kids aren't the only ones with dysfunction or issues.
@@EricaGrafton i don't see this comment as so much the dismissal of the importance of healing, but as a challenge to the notion that all of these behaviours share a causal relationship with childhood ptsd. a lot of people have work problems and unfulfilling romantic lives, sometimes for no other reason than chance. through this list, this woman is making the same vague claims as a tv psychic. in a room full of people, there's at least one 'john' or 'tom' or person who's lost a loved one in a car accident.
Same :( in my honest opinion, I personally think the covert ones are *THE WORST.* You typically never even realized you're being so abused until you're sooooooooooooo deep in their web of gaslighting/cruelty. 💔 I wish I hadn't grown up with 2 of them (dad and his mother) and that because of that now I constantly attract vulnerable narcisissts as partners... Thank goodness though, I am now in therapy and I work hard to not only be able to identify them quicker when they come into my life, but to stop feeling so codependent and put a stop to any abusive behaviour at the first sign of it!!!
This video is my life. I can't tell you how much finding you is helping me. I've discovered more in 3 months than I have in my life. Thank you for sharing your gift. You truly get it. ❤️
thank you for your channel. thank you so much. i’ve never been able to seek treatment because of my home life, and i’ve been trying to help myself recover for so many years. i’ve made a lot of progress in regards to other people, but i haven’t been helping myself. i spent so long focusing on the fact that i needed to be able to do sexual things with other people, that i thought that once i could do that, everything would be okay. but in reality, i haven’t healed myself truly. all but 2 of these applied to me, and it was what i needed to hear. thank you so much
I have recently found your channel. I am grateful to find these videos. I really plan on signing up for your class. This has been so powerful in my understanding of failed relationships, lack of progress in my career, family trauma. Love your insight.
I do most of these but the fantasy one really sticks out to me. Sometimes romantically sometimes with goals/ future. But most time I’m always someone else, a lot of time I create a whole backstory that has a better childhood and family. And I don’t even remember my childhood. It’s sad because I have blocked out all my childhood not just the bad parts. I have just started to accept that I suffer from emotional trauma I’ve denied it for so long but I just can’t deny it anymore.
Dealing with this again today, kinda hate how often these come up but saying them to others just causes them rage even though I am cold and understanding to it by now. Still appreciate your time making these. Assuming the less curious look this far or care but yeah when it gets to tears and I notice these coming around more often it somewhat helps me not hate the inner "shade" everyone uses as a metaphor.
Thank you Anna at last someone who understands I am diagnosed as a manic depressive personality disorder and PTSD amongst other things and take loads of medications but I am lucky that my doctor understands me and I will let her know how much watching this helps me I kinda knew how to self help myself before I was first sectioned over 30 years ago but they made me talk too much about what happened in therapies that i didn't know when to shut up which caused more trauma but i have always known people who have had worse lives than me and I need to put everything into perspective but at the moment I am feeling very sorry for myself and after watching this episode I cant stop crying as I can pretty much relate to all the points you make please could you send me a link to your free course these are good on RU-vid but not sure I've got them in the right order thank you crappy childhood fairy x
@Millie_Williams I know how hard it can be, when we are in fragile times, to take on big bad problems. With this Daily Practice, I find that the overall process of healing is more manageable, and parts of my healing are accomplished without me even trying. Here's the link: bit.ly/3608opl
THANK YOU 🙏 I started healing years ago, really made it clear with going no contact with my mother two years ago, and I must say I had ALL the points and now they are almost empty. It is like being intoxicated all the time, as you said, recognizing is a start. And commitment to your self! Love your self and maybe you have to forgive yourself too (I had to, because I wanted to leave as a child and wanted to stop her etc.). I hope everyone heals! 💜🥳
Wow so many of those resonated with me. In fact most of my behaviors are destructive behaviors & re traumatizing. You mentioned being reclusive and isolated but what if the environment and your abusive parents are keeping you trapped in the same negative toxic cycle? I feel so lost and alone and I can’t seem to pick myself back up after being fired from my last job. I desperately want to get out of the situation at home but I’m just not having much luck and I feel so trapped here.
Lisa I'm not a child trapped at my abusive parents house, but I am trapped by a narc landlord in a cheap boardingbhouse. The cycle still happens. So I guess in addition to the abuse of the narc, I am somehow trapping myself. I too feel awful, lost, and uch like I did 50 odd years ago. But now I have physical challenges, face the wrath of millenials et AL against boomers when trying to get hired. I don't know the way out, but I know it lies INSIDE u and me. If we want to progress we can.
I have been working on step 1: I am powerless over abuse growing up. I struggle with believing that the abuse was because I was disobedient. SELF BLAME. Thanks
I subbed for the channel name before even watching lol. Edit after watching: Great tips for anyone interested in self awareness. Considering the 'norm' in child raising in virtually all cultures today remains one of conformity and repression of emotional content, as I've learned from Gabor Mate, I think most everyone can relate to many of the examples used. If they're honest with themselves anyway.
This video impacted me like a ten commandments list of judgments, not sympathetic supportive understanding. I turned it off as 3:48. Guilt and shame are core to my childhood trauma and this video triggered those feelings and my defensiveness.
I do all but 2 of these. For lack of a better word this makes me feel so defeated. And like it's going to be an insurmountable task to heal all of these plus everything else.
Sending comfort and hugs your way 🤗 I know what you mean, though. But please, be gentle on yourself while keeping this in mind: It isn't your fault. It's your brain's natural response to all the trauma that happened to you when your brain was still developing. It still sucks that this is the ongoing outcome of what happened to us against our will 😔 years ago, but there is hope in healing/continued healing. And in solidarity. You are not alone 🤗💖
After my narc abuse I started thinking about my life a kid with my family... And I realize that my mother was narc too... African family are used to abuse children and make an excuse called "respect" because of that I started hating my mother so much... And I don't want to talk to her... I hate both my ex narc and my mother... I srated having nightmares of my narc and after that I started having nightmare of my mother... Now... I have hard time eating...I feel like not working... And quiete my old job and keep sleeping for too long and have hard time sleeping at night...i feel like dying sometime and crying so much... It have been 5 or 4 months after my break up...
Not all problems are caused by others, some are our faults. There are people who purposely irritate us for no reason. Not that we hurt them, not possible because they are strangers to us. Have never heard or met or ever communicate thru social media etc. May the lord touch everyone of us who suffers and heal us. In His mighty name we pray.
