Are YOU the Problem in Your Relationships? (Here’s How You Know) 

It's lovely to read that. You are both lucky to have each other.

U are 1 lucky woman 😌

Love this idea!! Great communication

😮😮😮😮 that's terrible!!

Hell, on Earth. Who needs that

Easier said than done! Safty plan is needed

I so agree!!! I'm scared for this girl

Run. Run. Run.....

Also, if someone says, "I'm thinking of breaking up with you", my response has been... Let me help you out with that! Wonderful idea.....AND, then walk over to the door, open it and say good bye...I wish you well., Block calls, do not talk to their relatives either .

Yes he will...because (from the horse's mouth) I stayed which means I accepted it AND he said "I didn't stand on it" meaning I didn't go full throttle and full consequences to make him stay away...AND THIS IS FROM THE MOUTH OF AN ABUSIVE MAN! I believe this is what all believers think because it makes sense of how they do what they do! Smh AND he said that and I quote "Im a reactor".....My God this was year 18 when he verbally just flat out started telling me to my face "Im a reactor" oh my God 😭

Me too and these guys are so not healthy!

Yeeesss 👏🏽

You don't look behind a door unless you've hidden there yourself. 100% of the time a partner of mine started acting jealous was because they had done something.

Typical female brain 😂

@@debbielockhart7762 "You don't look behind a door unless you've hidden there yourself." SPOT ON!

This is actually not true at all. Controlling and jealous people have rarely done the things they are jealous of or afraid of. It is often to due to other deep insecurities and hurts, and often leads to covert narcissism as a coping mechanism.

That's facts! Yes 👏🏽

@michelleherman yeah I was a little disappointed in Johns advice here. My thoughts. Yes he's new to the job but is it a career type job where he's making good money in something he is already trained or went to school for or just a job he could get anywhere else n perhaps with either more younger people or more men if they're going to be much older. Not that every workplace will lead to friendship either when there or when one person leaves n still wants to stay in touch as often happens. That's when you'll actually know as well that it's more than just friendly coworker. He's only 25 so why not get a job in a restaurant as a waiter or cook even if pt while keeping this job if that is the job that pays the bills. Now you're making extra money while getting to know people rather than reading a book at Starbucks hoping someone needs to borrow a chair. Lol. Far more people his age who also will tend to be more outgoing bc they work with the public. Also fast food restaurant or Panera, chipotle type places if he's not the type who can actually wait tables but trying something like that can also help get one out of their shell n comfort zone. It's nice John was saying he's not broken n the culture today makes it difficult to make friends especially as an adult. But he is only 25 so I would have asked why he thinks he does not have at least one or two friends from the neighborhood or school or previous jobs,etc. Does he have a brother he can hang with n do stuff with so it's less anxiety provoking while doing some of those same things John suggested. It's been my experience in life even though I usually meet people when I'm alone n I'm pretty confident doing it as I didn't always have the security blanket,it's sooo much easier n fun to have someone you already know there as well. Even church or volunteer stuff but certainly a sports league or class. John is right about talking to people about themselves or certainly not talking too much about oneself is a gift but you really need to be careful about doing too much of this especially in the workplace n especially as a guy. Sure be a little weird but not THAT weird. Certainly dip your foot in the pool only a little at a time. You have to be able to read the room n people. Some might find this off putting if it seems so deliberate n calculating especially when you're new. It's safer to talk about mainly work things n little by little ask about something they said that's unrelated if they brought it up. Don't go in their like an investigative journalist. It's way too unnatural. I also wouldn't recommend complimenting an older woman too much and asking about her marriage. That could be viewed as creepy n sexual harassment nowadays if it turns out they don't like it or you for some reason. We all know people who are popular n make friends easily at work or school n almost none of these people got that way bc they asked people alot of questions about themselves. We actually live in a very narcissistic culture especially young people so that is obviously not the winning strategy but rather something to keep in mind n try to utilize when you can for your entire life. Think of the people you know who do seem popular and at least have some friends and what they do n talk about. For young guys it's often video games or sports or work. If you don't like that then try something else. Just ask what they're doing that weekend n they may mention their hobbies or interests n you can say "of that sounds cool. Do you get to do that much? " Or "Oh cool that sounds like fun. Are you going to the one a few town over or the one in ( fill in the blank) I remember going there as a kid, but I bet it's changed a lot" Practice keeping a conversation going a little ( not a lot) longer than it normally would with someone else who didn't ask any questions or open ended questions. Also n this is just my opinion as a middle aged woman, I would get rid of all the " honestly" n "likes" . I know he's nervous on the call but this is likely stuff he does in every conversation as so many young people do today. It's not easy to listen to when it comes from women n sounds immature n unconfident so but this is a far worse trait for a man to project. If you're a teenager, that's one thing. There could actually could be blow back for not sounding enough like your peers or too superior but once in your twenties and working it's not good. You'll turn around n be 30 before you know it n still speak like this. I would listen to people who speak or write well n also ask a family member or someone you trust to catch you every time you say some words you're trying to eliminate. Best of luck to him. I would also suggest trying things outside of the workplace first. Even in another town . What have you got to lose, no one even knows you there.

Right?? Yikes!

Hi Julia🌹🌹 How are you doing?

Women’s crisis is a great place for her to go but this is why you don’t have close people on social media and places you can hide! These people can find you. A safety plan is needed

A teacher bit you?? How does that even come about??

@@littlelam3691 I bit another kid (I was like 3) so to “teach me a lesson”, the teacher bit me back. Had to get stitches. Not the best way to teach a kid that biting is a no no. There’s discipline and then there’s trauma. But come to find out the teacher was barred from teaching in other states because of child abuse lawsuits out against her.

I remember parents thinking this worked, same with imitating tantrums

She needs to carry too. I’m talking about a g

so true!

It. Will. Get. Worse. Living it. RUN!!!!

You don't need n should never get a restraining order if you don't actually need one. It's not a nice thing to do to someone, you wouldn't want it done to you needlessly n unwarranted n if he is actually is borderline dangerous this could set him off. You can always do that if it becomes necessary. Right now she hasn't even told John that she is breaking up with him or afraid of how he will react if she does n he in my opinion dropped the ball or simply ran out of time by not asking her this n perhaps making recommendation that she do in public place like coffeehouse etc n have someone nearby she can go see immediately after n who is expecting her. Maybe even have female friends n family over n around or out with them for next couple days at leas. Do not get into a relationship right away for a number of reasons but also if he was ever watching her from a distance he will be even more jealous n enraged thinking she was already seeing him while they were dating. I would break up firmly but kindly n tell him you won't respond to future communication but that you hope he will get the help he needs bc he has so many wonderful traits n deserves to be in a healthy relationship with someone else.

Restraining orders don’t do anything hopefully she knows self-defense. She has cameras, security systems Bells on her doors, a dog and a big G! Lol. Always carry a g as I’m going to get a thigh holster soon and conceal and carry!

Yes!! I said that too! If it’s too good to be true, it is I’m dating one of those

Yes! I'd be worried about what he'd do to her if she tries to set the boundaries John suggested. I hope she just secretly runs.

This will escalate, it will escalate horribly. Your life will ultimately be in danger, if you ever find yourself in this please for the love of your own life, get out. This is every classic red flag.

I wish John would have asked her how she felt he was going to take the break up because I think she's in danger! I have a guy that after 3 years still leaves messages from other phones saying in a pitiful voice, I just want to know if you're okay. These guys play games all their lives. And it is amazing how a liar can remember his stories! Run girl but secure your home, change your number and be prepared to carry protection

@@user-oq4ow9rr6z I agree with you 100%! My jaw hit the floor when I heard him say if she wants to stay to set boundaries like "I'll only text you three times a day and that has to be enough". Like are you f'ing kidding me!! This man is an abuser and under no circumstances should she stay! But Dr. John is "not in the business of breaking up relationships" so....

​@@bronnydmany people don't leave, even if told to. His advice here was "break up now, but if you don't, set these boundaries so that you can break up next week."

This is so true 😭

That is the reality isn’t it? Pretty sad :\ wish we could be more trusting at first. I think we can actually, we can be friendly in response. There’s a way to answer questions in a kind way without giving too much detail. And we can reciprocate by asking similar questions. BUT then we use this small talk to test the waters. If they continue to give off bad vibes, kindly shut it down, ya know?

Exactly….staying shouldn’t even be considered!!

Well, John was responding to her reluctance and her desire to find another way. If she tries to reduce the phone calls, she will get to see his reactions, which will likely be explosive, childish, and insane. That will probably help her decide to run.

You can’t fault him for that, as soon as a person starts showing resistance you have to give them another option, like another comment pointed out. If you continue saying “leave” once they start resisting that idea, then they’ll start digging in more, it’s human nature. Especially when they’re afraid. He presented a “compromise” that’s still aimed in the same direction.

@@liz9284yeah, he’s trained in psychology and counselling…he knows what he’s doing 👍🏻

Hi

Sounds as safe as the first callers boyfriend!

She mentioned he did say he was cheated on. He definitely needs to get therapy asap, he is being abusive. You're absolutely right.

Totally agree w you - DJ didn’t emphasize boundaries It would be like me -a single woman - asking male colleagues hey are you married? She must be something bc you’re so handsome - how did you meet ? That’s crazy !!! Plus DJ kept saying you should be weird but then in the next sentence that’s too weird … Your advice is way more healthy and stable Hopefully this 25 yo doesn’t start running around the office telling married women they’re beautiful and asking others about their jobs He will look unstable Big fail Dr John