Ask For What You Want - The R Spot mailroom 

I totally agree with Miss Iyanlas that there is something not right about the questioner's relationships. If her boyfriend is so perfect, so loving, so kind, so generous and so great as she described there wouldn't be this letter in the first place.

"What kind of home did your partner live in.. you may need to ask him"!!! Thank you!!

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. "you can not tell ppl how to love you, you get to experience their love and choose to deal with it or not." "Some ppl do not have the capacity,.." omg Thank you so much! i had to watch this one back to back to back to back, lol

I had to learn that I had a belief around not being worthy of being met.

iyanla is soooo warm, but quick to get REAL with you. lol love that

I was just speaking to my younger cousin about this. You can't tell someone how to love you because their experiences with love are different, but you have to decide for yourself if this is want you want. And if he really wants to be with you he will try to meet your needs, if you communicated them properly.

If he's the one, he'll step up. ❤

I have a new phrase, "I'm willing to be wrong." Love it. I was saying ouch throughout this whole episode. Time for me to stop waiting to be chosen.

I give this a perfect 10. Truth!

She says it like it is ... she ain't playing

Right there, mother! @ 3:01! "You don't get to tell people how to love you"Thank you. Lesson of the day!

OMG. ..that's so true. .I know my ex didn't come from a loving background and forced his negative and unloving ways on me. ..but then again I didn't come from a loving background but I've learned to give love and respect people. Sadly he was too set in his ways and unwilling to change. After 6 years of trying... he had to go.

Amazing words you don't tell the people how to love you you get to experience and decide if you want to participate , golden words thank u so much lyanla❤❤❤

I sometimes feel like I'm literally dying to be chosen. If someone isn't blood, they have to choose me if they want me in their life. I want a man to choose me in his romantic life.

Thank you Iya Iyanla!! Words of wisdom and affirmation. It sounds to me like from the beginning, she was settling, because of all of the wonderful qualities he has. Perhaps that is the excuse she is using to have stayed in a relationship for three years, while suppressing her needs. If he makes an effort to step up, as she claims she loves him, then he just might be the one.

The most valuable thing i love about my beloved Iyanla, is that the teaching demonstrated in the videos is beyound one story, we all share one platform, there must be always a connection from each other's stories, thank you Miss beautiful Iyanla. Much love !

"You don't have the right to tell people how to love you" is EXCELLENT advice. Some married friends, I know, complain about things similar to this, i.e. what he will or won't do, etc. They're not saying he's cheating or hitting them. IDK if their complaints are valid or not. My viewpoint is similar to your advice. Don't sweat the small stuff. You're not going to get everything you want. What's the overall greater good? Everyone has their "ideal" of what they want their relationship to be like. Then there are those who think they know what EVERY relationship should be like. There's a difference. I also believe in asking for what you want, especially when it comes to sex.

thank you miss iyanla im so grateful this message made me look closer at my own behaviors.god bless you and all of gods creations.

I just had a man I was with for one year break up with me the day after our one year dating anniversary because I said I needed to be loved and all he could offer is, "I feel like we are really good friends." He also said we just feel at different places. I found this unacceptable after one year of sharing my heart, soul, and body with him. I'm struggling after the breakup. It's been one week and three days since we ended it. But I think you have helped me figure out he is just not the one for me.

ohhh spot on! bravo!! I love how you can sense what people feel and the language you use to kindly open their eyes! Love from Lima, Peru.

Yes beloved Iyanla, this helped very much! Thank you!!

you are amazing woman :)) sending lots of love from Poland, thank you for sharing your wisdom, and giving smile with each episode you share xoxo

thank u!! this resonated for me in so many ways...i have listened to this more then once and ur messages are full of reality and truth....ask for what u need and want... and remember the person may love u but may not be capable of loving u the way u want due to various circumstances....wow!! so powerful!!! thank u for ur continued words of wisdom, support and inspiration!!!

Thank you so much Iyanla for your service and giving your time. It is amazing to me to feel so much love and compassion from a person who has never met you and I praise God for you! Pray blessings over your life!

I love this! I was the person that thought my mate didnt love me because they didnt love the way i wanted them to but i know it was just their way of showing love doesnt mean he didnt love me because it wasnt what i wanted..

Great video. Never thought about all the different love languages. Definitely something to think about when understanding others. Love it!! Thanks Iyanla, you are amazing.

thanks for being in our lives you really tell us the truth

You are an angel and a women of wisdom. Thank you for this

Thank you, thank you Iyanla.. I wish everyone could see your videos and speak to their soul like it does to me.. At least I'm willing to try to show them something that they don't know so that we can make our relationship better and then do it to their own relationships. Because they Really don't know. Anyway... Thank God, and Thank U for saying HIS words.. kisses from Greece!

Couldn't have said it better Miss Iyanla 💯💯💯

iyanla thank you for this moment you are so insightful.....

I agree completely. Asking works.

boy oh boy. alot of men arent vocal. so im just like... hey babe aint I sexy today? tell me you love me lol. We will be waiting forever on them to act all story book.

They keep getting better and better!

Needed to hear this today ❤️🙌🏽

“When a man loves a woman...”❤️

This has made the stuff i wanted to known very very clear to me

You are an amazing and inspirational woman. Thank you for sharing so much ❤️

Wow Ms. Iyanla, that was deep! Thank you :)

Great talk.. Thank you Mrs. Iyanla.

shes brilliant .. thank you iyanla.

She sounds like ME! I married mine and have been married 28 years. I had to come to terms that he loves me the best way he knows how. When I say I love you, his response is yep(I love you, too)

Be blessed!

This was a very wise response.

“I cook his favorite foods, buy him gifts, and I’m always there for him and in return he gives me very little” She’s a classic people pleaser and making excuses for him. There’s nothing wrong with him not wanting to go to the theater if he’s not into it, but what man doesn’t like to eat out? Or enjoy an evening out with his special lady?Three years is more than enough time for him to know if he wants to marry her or not. If she’s smart, she will leave and stop wasting her life with him.

so much wisdom.

So insightful!

Another powerful lesson!

Such wise words x

I really enjoyed this recording. Thanks..

My favorite video ❤

Perfect words 👌

love your channel here and on own your heaven sent

As always I enjoyed....

My favorite one as of yet , just perfect @iyanlavanzant

Super video .Thank U so much .

Thank you!

Amen!!!

I just ask" do u iyanla" that's my motto right now. :)

Your speaking it.

Like your personality! :-)

dear miss vanzant, what is the best way to show love to someone that has grown up in a institution / home where they where never taught how to express love at all?

iyanla i just love You.

My beloved miss iyanla you so kind 💋

Yessssssss!!

Iyanla said ask for what you want. I did ask what I want for ( 4) years and it was ignore. Very simple things. Is no support , motivation and selfishness . How one person could be like this to there wife?

Please come back. We still believe in u landing a big tv gig

Love you

HI Iyanla, am wondering if you can make a video on how to find a solution to a problem when one person sees the problem one way and we see it a different way, thanks

We're having "the talk" tonight

Yes that's the man thing wow!!

Lawd.. These men are more broken then women.. Truth.com

What if you're one of those woman who likes all of it? The physical touching, the gifts ect .. would that make me a woman who wants too much from a man?

I would love to see a video from you along the lines of him/her being "the one".

Am in a relationship like that but am in it for over 6 years now

If you ask what you want and the man doesn't react positively what do you do? I feel he is not sure of what he is doing with me so there is no need I ask him again

Wow !,,, I felt like she was counciling me one on one ,,,I’m in a relationship with a Gifter “,,, can’t express his emotions at all !,,, no fulfillment,,, I feel like I’m bought ,,,

What if u don't want anything or expect anything anymore... does that mean it's past x 2 move on completely??

how do I get my question answered by Iyanla

family /friends problems

I fated a man who was basically a house fly, his idea of s date is to go a great resto and tgem back to his place t chill. After mths of doing that I ended things cause he promised to go out a bit more and never did. Be more fun to date mysrlf! 😂

Can you adopt me?! I have so much regret with being afraid to use my voice and say what I want - I instead always hinted and was overly humble in my approach to show in bits and pieces what I wanted, but never received anything

I can see your halo

Iyanla, what if he has no problem saying how beautiful his mutt is but won't say the same to you? Is this a cause for concern? He has said he's attracted to me, but hardly ever says I'm attractive, pretty, et cetera, yet has no problem telling the poo eater how beautiful it is. He will tell me how beautiful its fur and eyes are, for example and I just internally roll my eyes. This animal is anything but beautiful, IMO -- it eats its own waste and stinks. He will also randomly compliment women on TV once in a while in front of me.

she needs to RUN fast that turns me OFF