When Julie said that we can heal our insecure attachment, I felt tears sting my eyes because it's just so hard! As a woman with anxious attachment, this has been one of the biggest demons I've had to fight. I can't wait to heal and be rid of it.
It's so easy to label men as avoidant and women as anxious but what she doesn't break down is that if nobody is completely secure then most couples will trigger each other in opposing directions simply because 2 anxious or 2 avoidant don't really work. There's no glue. So even if you think you know your style it also depends on your partner and it can ebb and flow. It likely takes a good therapist to really identify the cycle because 99% of the time we aren't aware of what we're doing in the moment - self and other. Our primary relationship is our existential anchor in the world. If we grew up insecurely attached then we won't know the difference as an adult - our dysfunction, whether mild or serious - will feel normal. Further, attachment injuries in adulthood can also disrupt our style. This theory is not simple by any means. It's the physics of human relationships.
Well said, so many great insights in this comment! I wanted to add about the gender thing, as a fearful-avoidant woman, I’ve been in relationships with more anxious men than avoidant. But there may also be broader trends in parenting around emotions and masculinity that make men develop more avoidant tendencies. Just speaking from the collection of anecdotes I’ve heard from men over the years that they were expected to be emotionally shut down and independent, moreso than their female peers, and how that’s often perpetuated in male friendships.
@@EriPages I’m the anxious attachment type. Interesting though because I see it’s different depending on the relationship. In the past I’ve been the avoidant in certain circumstances…
Privet Valeria, this was such amazing content. Thank you for the good work, effort and personal honesty! As a woman I too have some similar background and have developed avoidant style as attachment. I truly desire connection, am overwhelmed by my loneliness (especially now, so thank you for the timing of this release, I needed to hear this) it’s inspiring that you’ve managed to build a family and life and it gives me hope. Thank you ❤ love and light
Because they chose to listen to their emotions versus the red flags. Which is something a lot of people do and then they later find out maybe the dynamic isn’t very healthy
This is why the lesbian divorce rate is so high. Gay marriage just became a thing, and already they're bailing out on each other. Two anxious people stuck in one house together is a recipe for disaster.
