Probably the single greatest social tension of my entire childhood into early adulthood, and not just early either, lay in struggling over how to relate or interact, cope with or interpret, take part in or beg out of, all the things the world screamed at me were "what everybody who's normal loves doing." When I would try to go along, under pressure to "be like everybody else," I went along very badly and embarrassingly, and hated it (even when I tried to pretend I was really enjoying it, just to appease the others.) Even when I managed not to go along, the struggle remained within over...WHY? What was wrong with me that none of that made sense to me...or...perhaps even more horrifying, what was wrong with all of THEM? Coming to the realization very late in life (65), thank to many respected tests that startlingly agreed with dramatic and forceful unanimity that I was intensely on the autistic spectrum, and with many thanks to Paul for his videos, and most of all from that inner place where it all suddenly makes sense, I am unbelievably relieved now to be self-diagnosed as on the spectrum. So many things have made such pervasive sense that it's impossible now to un-see what I have seen. Those things cannot be made "un-sense" of again. It's too late, the cat is out of the bag, and this is too healing, too integrating. Coming to this realization is life-changing in two ways: it changes in retrospect a whole life lived behind you, casting a brilliant sense-making light on it, and of course it changes the life ahead of you. I'm enjoying every day, in my own quiet way, without advertising, the new freedoms that come from choices--choices even to "mask," when need be, in an utterly intentional way, no longer out of intimidation and desperate struggle to fit in but because it's a useful strategic choice at the moment. And then there's the freedom of NOT masking--not just in public but in private, where you recognize the needs that you have no more need to be ashamed or confused about. Like for instance, stimming. Little things like that. It's just amazing.
Hi Thomas, I’ve recently come across your channel and have been binge listening to all of your content whilst I’m at work. I’m familiar with all of Paul’s content and think he’s awesome too. I’m obsessed with MBTI, it’s actually one of my special interests or “passions.” I called it! I KNEW you were an INFJ. I am one as well, with an Enneagram of 5w4.
Thanks your advice about “building comfort in the gym first” helped! Another point, when I was in university I copied the smart professional people and succeeded. Then I was around maladapted arrogant mean people - copied their bad ways. So I as an autistic absolutely copy people.
Validation for the crisis management skills. So many examples in my life. Shock comes after the situation is passed. But, the emotional sitches are frustrating when you don't know how to feel in the moment. Regret comes after, when it is too late to respond correctly.
I was mute and didn’t talk to anyone in high school because I didn’t want to let people down with my very low functioning ability to talk. When I dance with a partner, I am terrified of upsetting them and am very tempted to look away and treat them like a doll, I also don’t have patience to process the partners movements. It’s like there is something I am not understanding about partner dance. I am also a very gentle lead and don’t process leading very well
I know it's been a while, but thank you for this interview. Paul is always so good at helping me understand myself, and this free-form interview brought us some really helpful concepts with regard to alexithymia. That bit about the logic brain being too slow for some tasks was very helpful, and the part about being able to keep my cool in stressful situations, but then not being able to respond when someone tells you their mom died. I feel very "normal" a lot of the time, but then stuff like this comes up, and I'm like, what is wrong with me? Always good to have a reminder of how these different experiences are related and part of me as a whole, and not two different persons within me.
Dude I would love it if somebody came up to me and just asked if I wanted to b friends. I would definitely think they r unusual tho, but in my book that counts as a point for the person. Ok story time: I was a cashier at a gas station and this guy came in who was very happy, quite the character clearly, and he came up and told me how beautiful I was and said he wanted to get my number and I blushed and said I couldn't give him my number and it took a second for him to understand and then he was like o u r unavailable, yes and I wished him well. Anyway then my coworker returned and I mentioned to them what had happened, my confidence boosted a bit, and then they said he was clearly very high or something to that effect. I think they were probably right, it did take the wind out of my sails a bit. Other times when substances have been involved certain men have told me I'm very beautiful and I just think o boy u r drunk lol. But on the other hand sometimes I think people say what they really think when they're messed up so maybe it's a reflection of their actual opinion. It's too bad people don't just go around boosting people up like that. I love to compliment people, especially women because I'm a woman and it rocks to get a compliment from another gal
yeees I agree, I'd love for people to ask me if they wanna be friends! But that kinda never happens... and I'm really struggeling to find new friends myself (but i'm also not the person who goes up to people and asks them if they wanna be friends 😅) why does it all have to be so complicated 🥲
@@heedmydemands yeaah same, i dont mind if people around me drink a bit, but most people just overdo it and i dont like it but yeah, if seen that drinking connects people, which just isnt an option for me
ImO they saw your beauty and because of being stoned or a bit drunk they didnt mind so much if it was appropiate or according to the usual way women have to be or present themselves.
