"Bad Texter" or Just Not That Into You? | Matthew Hussey 

Simple. You make time for the things you want and excuses for the things you don't.

Remember that non-communication IS communication. Don't be someone's afterthought.

In early stages, it is sometimes hard to gauge a lack of interest (if they are dating multiple people) or being more laxed at texting. Especially if they are on social media quite a bit. But then again I realized, 80% of the time if I'm watching Matthew to find an answer, the guy just isn't that interested.

Matthew: "Do you find yourself in the early stages of dating right now and feeling increasingly frustra---" Me: "YES."

If he’s interested, you’ll know. If you are wondering, he’s not. Period.

I don’t believe the whole “bad texter” thingy, if they’re interested enough they’ll call or arrange meeting you! So😌

Many men say they have to work so much, but honestly...everybody has 5 minutes to text back. If He doesn't have 5 minutes to text you back, he doesn't have time for a relationship neither.

If they’re bad at texting but they’re interested in you, they’ll find ways to communicate. Audio call, video call, setting up many dates to see you. If you just don’t hear from them at all, just know they don’t care that much :)

Dating was just so much easier before the whole texting culture. We used to wait for the guy to call and never gave it a second thought. My late husband would call me on a Wednesday night to make plans for Saturday night. I never stressed about not hearing from him in-between. It's just the way it was. There is such a thing as over communicating. I'm learning if you are secure in yourself the whole texting thing doesn't matter.

I used to believe "if he liked me then he'd text me more often" because that's the way MY brain works, but after studying psychology and talking to my happily married friends, there genuinely are guys who, despite having strong feelings for someone, just don't like texting. They may think about their person everyday, but don't feel the need to text them/don't feel connection from texting. They use texting purely as a means to plan things. So just because YOU text someone when you like them, it doesn't mean everyone is wired that way! We all have different brains and different ways of expressing affection. (But also obviously if a guy rarely texts you it can be a sign he's not interested. It all depends on the person)

"If he's interested then you'll know, if he's not you'll wonder" thats been true with texting for me. Especially with apps and so many options, you'll know if youre his top person or a "backup"

Most of the times the same guy that claims to be bad at texting ultimately watches all your social media stories. We all know they are not bad at texting they just dont care. Thanks Matthew

Consistency is the 🗝️ word! There can be bad texters and good ones. The red flag is someone who is texting a lot in the start and then gradually less and less and in the end hardly even reply.

You won’t be confused with a guy that likes you. Bottom line.

I was in a situationship with a guy for two months. He texted me once in a week, we saw each other once every two weeks. But at the end, I realised that despite we had a kind of dates, I really don't know anything about the everyday of this person neither he knows about mine nor he ask about it. After a short new years' message, that we exchanged. I decided that I won't invest in this type of relationships anymore. If he's a bad texter or whatever, he still can call me or try to be more in touch with me asking for my day. Maybe he's not that into me, so I have to move on.

This is very useful, thanks! What happens to me over and over... I text with a guy, at the beginning it's a great frequency, we start going out, let's say it lasts for 2 months and then poof, it's decreasing. I'm a very straight-forward person, so usually I ask if everything is okay, if he wants to still meet me. They answer - of course I want to!, but communication is still decreasing to the point we are not going out anymore. I feel that guys I'm meeting never admit that they are not interested anymore and then I'm there frustrating over it. And I'm not angry that someone is not interested anymore, just I like it communicated, not having a hope and wasting my time

It’s not about texting or call. It’s about getting to know me and getting to know him. You can’t get to know someone infrequently.

Please ladies, listen, you were given intuition. Listen to it. If a guy is into you, you’ll know… but stay into you first and always. Keep going out with your friends. Doing what you enjoy. We are not that needy that we need someone to tell us they love us at breakfast, lunch and dinner. If I was a guy, I would find this off putting if I had to text to make a woman secure. As a woman, I hate texting but if I am interested in someone, I’ll make an effort and send voice messages or little videos. On the other hand, I am confident enough to know that if someone isn’t that interested in me, then it is their prerogative. It doesn’t diminish who I am. Of course, I get disappointing, no one likes rejection but hey, plenty of good guys out there…. It is just a matter of time. A bad texter isn’t the real problem. If you were a priority or if he was remotely interested, he would find the right way of communicating… you don’t need to have conversation about it, even in joking. You’ll know deep down. Matt is right. Confidence is the key to everything. We may have to work at it for a while, but oh boy, once we have it, we are like magnets 😄

Honestly, bad texting in and of itself is kind of a deal-breaker, because it indicates that they're bad at communication. Unless they have some preferred method of communication they're better at (which they should state upfront), I have no time for bad texters. Bad texter = bad communicator.

If I’m into you, I make you a priority and you’ll know it by my texts (a bit too much perhaps 😓, but that’s out of excitement and my wish to be close to you, connect to you more). This is only based on one experience, though 😅. It’s definitely something to talk about if you feel there’s either too little or too much texting.

This was deeper than I expected. When he says (paraphrasing) that when we don’t feel worthy of good treatment we don’t state what our needs are that hit close to home. Didn’t realize that was my core emotion / belief, but it’s ultimately why I never say what I want or need.

My ex hated texting but he was almost 24/7 on twitter. When I asked why he doesn't write to me he'd be like he doesn't spend all his time on his phone and would rather text when absolutely necessary. I understood that for a while but it eventually wore me out cos I felt like I was giving so much and receiving so little. I used to beg for a good morning text or a good night text or a how're you doing text. He never called either. Not only did I realise he just wasn't into me, but he wouldn't bother addressing my love languages. The person for you should meet you at your point of need however quirky or weird. I also think communication is extremely key for the success of any relationship. Anyone who deprives you of that really isn't into you.

Being a bad texter during working hours is fine. It's outside of those hours that it becomes fishy. We do have other interests during the afternoon to focus on, like the gym or some volunteering, etc... but never does it get to a point where I will forget to text someone I like all day or a few days in a row. It is important however to link this to the number of times we see each other per week. She knows that I will always keep myself available to see her all weekend long (and every night) until she tells me she's got other plans. That's when I will call my friends to go out with them.

I really needed this today. I’m going through this right now. I can’t believe this was posted today, oh my gosh! Matthew, thank you for everything you do!

I’m a seriously bad texter, no matter how much I like people. It exists. Just don’t like being on my phone and having long convos over text

I’m dating a surgeon. He’s a horrible texted due to typically being in surgery. However this man will say I’ll call you at 7 and my phone will ring like clock work. If he’s been called into a surgery a scrub nurse will reach out and say he’s running late. I was bothered at first but, I’ve learned that he’s a great communicator just a terrible texter!

You know its fishy when hes apparently a bad texter but when youre together he glimpses at his phone or goes to the bathroom with it a few times. And yeah, he might send me the voice messages. But its not enough when he does it on Monday after a whole weekend of being quiet... I told him what I need, and that is better communication in any form- texting, calling, ideally meeting more often. And told him it would be great to see where this takes us. It took us nowhere. He said he will try to improve and nothing changed. So I ended it. I could have easily madly fallen in love with that guy but he didnt create the connection with me. Even tho we had (the most amazing) sex. Shame but his loss

I had that problem with a guy I am seeing but then realised he doesn't actually use his phone . When I am with him he doesn't even look at his phone! But then I had men who texted me all day everyday and still weren't really interested...

If a man is interested, even an older man, he will do what it takes to get to know you. The medium is not the issue.

It's a MAJOR red flag and shouldn't be ignored. The communication should pick up after dates. You really should be hearing from someone daily if there's actual intent of dating you. If you don't hear from them daily, if the texts are dry or seem like you have to pull teeth to get anything going, or if you find that you're anxiously looking at your phone wondering when you'll hear from them again, they are either: 1. Playing massive games that are designed to trigger your attachment style. I consider great dates and bad or no texting to be a kind of intermittent reinforcement set up. They are setting you up to wonder, crave, feel some relief with crumbs of attention. Don't take it. or, 2. They are genuinely not interested in you. They may want you as an option if the mood strikes or they're in your area, but they aren't thinking of having you in their circle. They don't see you as material for the inner circle and they are deliberately keeping you out. I say "deliberate" because people often wonder if the bad texter KNOWS what they're doing. They do. They don't care. Move on. If you do decide to bring up this problem and they CONTINUE to do the same thing, RUN!

I know a guy who texts to plan things. Most of our communication is in person. I can tell he prefers in person interaction and I'm here for it!

My sister's boyfriend is a bad texter. She thought he wasn't that interested. They were friends for 2 year before dating but not on texting basis. He texted her back within a day, he replies other people within weeks 😂

This is such a tough one. i think we are generally conditioned to think that someone messaging frequently and trying to open deep conversations on text is interested in you. Which indeed can be very wrong and i like that Matthew draws attention to consistency of communication and the compatibility on closeness. I dated a guy last year on and off for a year. We met online and i really struggled with his texting/calling from the beginning. He also called himself a bad texter and he indeed was consistently a bad texter throughout our dating. As i got to know him more and more, i noticed this is indeed his overall style; but unfortunately from the beginning i gained up a lot of resentment because i was thinking i am convincing myself that he likes me but he is not showing effort. That he is not in to me and he is using me. When we were physically together, he was very warm, attentive and very very affectionate- touchy feely, very PDA. As we broke up now and i distanced myself, i could really see that it is his style and it was not about me or him liking me not enough. I always mentioned to him in a kind way that i felt closer when we were in touch also when we did not see each other and his on and off style makes me feel uncomfortable. He did try, but because it was not his style and it was not authentic those trials felt very breadcrumbing to me. And eventually we broke up, because no matter if i could understand that it is his style and he told me he really likes me, likes hanging out with me etc, i was not able to not feel unhappy about the on and off style of our dating in terms of closeness.

Matthew how are you posting just the right video exactly when I need it? You're amazing and the best at what you do! xoxo

Been seeing this girl for just over a month and this has made it pretty clear to me that I just need to end things and walk away. It's a shame because she really does have great qualities that I want in a partner but at this point it's just me getting scraps and valuing those scraps way too much. Bummer

This is really hard when in my last relationship I was love bombed SO much and he texted and called all the time…now normal communication feels like neglect.

My advice to anyone dealing with this. I’ve been there a few times in my life. One thing I’ve come to realize is that if you have to question your relationship with them rather it’s to yourself or asking someone “ I don’t know how he feels. He never contacts me. He doesn’t help me when I need help. He’ll go all day without contacting me “. He is simply not for you. Men are natural hunters and they go after what they want. When you’re with the right one you’ll know ❤

I am so amazed at how good you are at communicating. This is a major issue with people who are not 100% sure that you're the one. It's good to call them out as soon as your see it.

I am not In a any relationship because I'm working on myself. But every time I watch your videos I realise I played a big role in my failed relationships. I was cheated and hurt but I see what role I played in this. Thank you Hussey.

Very timely for me. Thank you, Matthew!

This really helped me understand why I need a text every day it’s makes sense now I obviously need to feel his presence in my life every day especially when we live hundreds of miles apart I didn’t want to say cos I felt I wud come across as needy!

I love this video! The need for connection…that’s it! That’s totally what it boils down to. You’re brilliant and thank you Matthew ❤

these videos help me calm my ego and question my feelings. thank you Matthew

I feel like I should have paid for this advice 🙏🏾 👌🏾 so well communicated. I fully agree with this,makes perfect sense.!

I dated a man for 6 months and he rarely ever called and was a terrible texter. I discussed it with him a few times and he never chaged. So, I moved 10 hours away for a job opportunity and we promised we'd visit each other. He now calls and texts several times a day. If he'd been even a 3rd that attentive before I never would have moved.

You’re fascinating. You make great videos and give valuable advice on what is important. I can’t imagine how many people you have helped feel loved and work their relationship out. Thank you for your great content.

The opposite happened with me...he used to text me excessively at the dating stage then he stopped talking to me at all..like for weeks and months...and whenever I bring it up he says "I don’t like anybody to tell me what to do whenever I wanna it I’ll do it but when i don’t I’m not gonna text you"....I BROKE UP with him cuz there’s nothing more selfish

WOW, Matthew’s most meaningful practical message!!! 💯🎯

Great tips! And speaking of not being comparable with someone… No matter how much you might like someone - it’s not going to work out in the long run, if they’re not the right type of people for you! If you want a happy life - consider someone that fits your personality, that matches well with you, and that is supportive of what you want to do - and actually wants to be part of it! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips

I did not expect this discourse to go this deep. Thanks Matthew. I enjoyed your advise on this.

Amazing content with coming years! Thanks, mathew. Very helpful, indeed.

Thank you for this timely video! My recent attempt at having this conversation about needing more closeness with my bf resulted in a devastating breakup. This helps me see that it was a compatibility issue instead of a rejection/abandonment.

Nah. there are no "Bad Texter" If we are "Into You" we can texting until 3 AM

The texting doesn’t need to increase as the relationship increases bc as the relationship increases, you’ll be together more in person and won’t need to text. Getting into these texting traps never end. It kills attraction. It’ll never be enough

Hands down the best clip I’ve watched. Thank you for this clarity.

As a single mom with SO much going on in my life, it drives me insane when I'm expected to have my phone on me and text them all day long. Nooooo, that's too much. What did people do when there wasn't texting? Oh yeah, they lived their lives and communicated when it was convenient for both of them. When my texting slowed, I would get a huge text message about how he felt something was "off". I would explain time and time again that I was just very busy and that he was the one I communicated with the most in my life and the one I spent all of my free time with....His pushing for more made me step away. If my maximum amount wasn't enough for him I knew I wouldn't be able to ever make him happy.

Such a brilliant video. Thank you for the insight!

Absolutely helpful video. Thnks so much 4 clarifying things. Bad texting is becomin sumthin of a Debate with most men these days. But it basically shows Inconsistencies n How little effort they put into the most basic of communication. Thanks again Matthew!

Now I k ow what channel to return to when I cannot find the words to describe my feelings. This was so refreshing to hear. Thank you🤎

If the person is interested, that person will call or text or something. Very good advice about communication. Thank you

Good to rewatch this video again before I put things into conclusion . Gonna try communicating about the closeness and see how it goes.

My guy text me back, whenever I text him, we used to text all the time, but now we have minimize it, but when we talk, is all amazing vibes, sometimes I get nervous, when he doesn’t text me for a couple of days, but I give him space and respect it. Mathew has showed me A lot! ☺️

I believe that Matthew, you have grown wise enough , your videos nowadays are more down to earth , real and honest , really like this progression in you:).

Thank you so much, Matthew, thank you for so many videos and advice! I've been watching your videos for 5 years and I still get inspired from you!! Thanks so much and greetings from Macau!

Everything I’ve ever wanted to say about this topic 😂he is saying in a PERFECT way. Thank you for your videos you communicate hard topics with ease and understanding.😊

Hard thruth is that if someone is really interested they find the way to communicate, and it's up to you wether you are happy with the frequency, medium... for me work is a priority and I would be texting that much if I'm on a meeting or have to be really focus on something I have to get done, and I would respect someone that does the same. I dated this guy that didn't text much during the day but called me everytime he left work, so I knew he was interested and investing on the relationship

You are absolutely amazing Mathew, and you are doing such an enormous help for people, mostly women, tricked, confused, gaslightened by narcissists. Thanks 🙏 from Spain

I think it's important to trust your gut, if you feel something is wrong then it is. There is no need to give them excuses. If they are bad texter then all they have to do is learn how to text.

I’m talking to a guy who is absolutely amazing when we’re together, but as soon as I walk out the door, no communication until the next time we hang out. It makes me very anxious and insecure.

I will take calling over texting any day. I hate texting. Once upon a time, we didn't have mobile phones. We had a desire to see our partners at the end of the day and had things to talk about, because we had our time for our work, our colleagues. We need space not suffocation. We need closeness by paying attention, because we are interested. We haven't been doing what we felt we had to do through the day..

Perfect timing, Matthew... Thank you very much.

Wow ur amazingg. Ur right at the end of the day, ”am i happy?” “are we compatible?” its all that matters!!!

spot on ! valuable insight ! much appreciated ! 👍🏻

At 45, I really don't want anyone to do anything for me that they don't want to do. I'm not sure I would ever have a conversation about my needs at the dating stage. If they don't do the things I need organically, I would just drop them.

Thank you Matthew! This video really helped put words to my emotions!

Texting dont matter if you are meeting up in person. People spend more time texting than dating

exactly....when there's no progress and you just don't know where you stand....

I feel like attachment styles play a big part in this scenario. I’m avoidant/secure so I don’t need a lot of texting all day, everyday. Too much and it makes me pull away, tbh. So I have a hard time dating those with anxious attachment styles that need constant interaction/validation. Doesn’t mean I’m not interested, just means our needs differ.

I do think when someone says “I’m a bad texter” is an excuse. It isn’t difficult to send a text to show someone you are thinking of them or that you have an interest in them. If the person is a bad texter, then they should be expressing some sort of affection in some way (phone call, seeing you, sending memes, etc) to show that the person is thinking of you. People work and have other commitments as well but if someone can’t make that attempt to give you that “closeness”, then maybe the person is not for you unfortunately.

You explain things so well 💗 thank you

Totally agree Dear Matthew! Thanks again! Blessings!

This was so helpful. I thorough enjoy how you break these scenarios down and great effective ways to communicate. I'm curious to know do these solutions apply to long distance dating/relationships?

This is GOLD Matthew, thanks!

nailed this one for me today. Matthew thank you for the breakdown. very helpful to hear.

actions will show when someone is genuinely interested in you, Full Stop. 😊

Constant delays means they're usually not that interested or maybe too nice and insecure about rejecting, maybe currently not interested or scared to bring new people into their life too. Can't force people to like us but some open up, some won't

Extremely good and useful video. Thanks a lot .🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️

Fantastic and timely video.Needed to hear this today.Thank you so much Mathew.

When you like someone you want to share. Period. If its not happening, the person is not into you.

This is really happened to me. I've just stopped communicate with someone after a year of texting and 3 meeting-in-person. Truly he's just not that into me but never get a nerve to tell me. There're some inconsistency as a red flag for awhile and I was too optimistic as he always mentioned that he's busy. So I decide myself to cut the last straw. I'm so done and completely happy on my own. I really want to join the retreat but I'm living in Thailand. Anyway, thanks for this vdo. It supports my decision which I'm glad that I did it!

got my answer! exactly what i needed to hear! he's DONE for me ,not gonna even bother to tell him anything

Always hits home, thanks Mathew 😊

I'm not in a relationship yet but this really help me to understand my past relationships

I thrive on conversation but Im genuinely a bad texter when it comes to relationships. I feel like no words can fairly compare to the simplicity and beauty of listening a voice or to see a smile. The guy I'm dating now is also a bad texter (lucky for me, cause he understands) but he enjoys conversation too. So, we rather talk.

Love this insight and thinking about it sooo true thank you I know what direction I’m taking now and it’s not going forward in my relationship I have confidence now to end things thanks again x

The best is to find a connection and the touching point between two people. Thanks for great advise Mat!

I'm not yet dating but I'm learning a lot from these videos. Thank you.

I've reached the point where I have zero tolerance for bad communicators. I know that I as a person need consistent communication (other people may feel differently of course), so it's a deal breaker if that's not happening.

This is So Good, thank you for seeing the trees for the forest.

Such a good video. Much love to you, brother.