can you imagine playing trivia with this guy? you get a section on military or something and he's like "I got this, I read through the entire Geneva conventions once for a video about Mario."
@RENEE PARK Imagine this guy walks into a restaurant and points out there’s technically an OSHA violation, someone asks why he knows that, and his only answer is “Super Smash Brothers”
That’s a good idea. I’ll get me and four of my mates, we buy a comically large trenchcoat, apply for the military, and it’s smooth sailin’s from there.
imagining brian asking all of his coworkers to join him in a sing along about the pain of war from the perspective of mario characters is the funniest part of this episode
Sun Tzu is this great military strategist, but his advice is basically, "If you think you might lose, try not to do that" and "Consider lying" And it WORKED
That's the thing. The Art of War was written in the style of philosophy, since that was very, uh... for lack of a better word, "trendy" among China's nobles, and since the nobles led the armies, they'd often focus on philosophy instead of military strategy but still think that they were military geniuses. Sun Tzu wrote the Art of War so the generals could propose sacrificing short term objectives for long-term gains and not have those plans immediately shot down because they could quote things like _Sacrifice the Plum Tree to preserve the Peach Tree_ to their lords. That's why all of the stratagems in the Art of War are incredibly basic--they're extremely basic military strategy, dressed up as advanced philosophy.
@@zaclegoattack It's only a war crime if you lose. American newspapers at the time reported on United States soldiers taking Japanese skulls as trophies, and there are many firsthand accounts that corroborate this. This behavior was only VERY rarely punished, and to this day there are still efforts to repatriate the remains of Japanese soldiers that were taken as trophies by US servicemen.
"... oh my God, they're civilians" That's the level of epiphany a General has in a war movie after he realizes that he's on the wrong side of the war lol
Piranha plants are no longer plants but organisms that evolved to have plant like features to blend in the surrounding environment, apparently. Seriously WHY DO THEY HAVE TOUNGS, NO ONE HAS MENTIONED THIS BEFORE BUT THEY HAVE A FLESHY MASS THAT IS THEIR TOUNGE!
I hated reading that, why did you make me read that. That single line was more disturbing than the fact that the mountains and hills in Mario games are technically animals because they can move and have functional eyes.
what the actual frick goes through your minds when you play a mario game, like you see a mario hill and go like "ah enslaved vision" no just..... no...
Ok but to be completely fair with Mario he lives in a world where reviving yourself is as easy as taking a jog and finding random green mushrooms. I’m sure the Koopa Troop has a large plethora of 1 ups to revive their stomped on soldiers. (I mean, it’s probably the reason Bowser isn’t dead yet, with his constant lava bath’s)
@@theorangeguy6704 Boy that MatPat sure screws up a lot. Remember when he thought Sans was Ness? I don't even hate the idea but, how did he miss that bone is organic?
@@Silverwind87 I mean, sure, no one is saying Mario doesn't have some points in his favor, but I feel like him being a war criminal outweighs those good aspects.
Game Theory: Mario is a sociopath, OMG! BDG: Mario has indelibly violated the Geneva Convention on multiple accounts and should be held accountable for his reign of terror.
That and the placement of an employee-owned business as the best boss in Dark Souls has convinced me that BDG has committed himself to lowkey leftist propaganda, and I couldn't be more excited.
the speaking gradually developing into singing and the 'IN THE NAVY' get me every single time i love this so much special mention to 'why do piranha plant have bone in it?' and the deadpan stare before 'so i'm loosely basing this on the us military' and also obligatory mention to 'god has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished'
I wouldn't call it overly-aggressive. I'd also say its spending is justified, considering what it has to compete with (China, Russia, North Korea) and what's at stake if it fails.
@@combativeThinker oh I absolutely would considering our military has destabilized at least 10 different countries across the middle East and central and south America, spends billions of dollars on jets that don't even work, and positions itself as the "sole good superpower" or whatever despite most of Europe, Canada, etc being able to effectively fall into that role. Like. It can't all just be on us here, and if we'd pull our heads out of our asses and let other countries do some of the work maybe our general infrastructure wouldn't be so shitty because we'd allocate more funds to it. (Like have you seen the breakdown of the national budget lately? Defense takes up upwards of HALF which is. Insane.)
@@JordanGold5227 his band is "The Altogether". They released a full album about two months back, and they have a couple LPs. Look them up on Bandcamp or Spotify.
Actually, since the boos are soldiers, Luigi is just forcefully detaining them. In Luigi’s Mansion 1, you even go back to the lab to put them in what could be described as a proper POW camp. Ironically, your argument disproves itself because it’s only hostage taking if they’re civilians.
@@aidenmcknight2884 That argument falls flat twice because most of them are brainwashed by King Boo, after they aren't brainwashed they should be treated as civillians
Considering the leader of the Boos is KING Boo, it sounds less like they are Bowser's minions and more like they're the minions of a different ruler who occasionally collaborates with him.
“Yoshi made burt the bashful’s pants fall down” “But *_baby mario gave the order”_* “HE ALREADY FEELS *_BASHFUL”_* ”YOU DIDN’T NEED TO _P A N T S_ THE MAN”
Twisty Sunshine I can see him seeing a some what crooked chair or table and he begins, “this is a clear OSHA violation under article 6,, section 9, subsection 4, paragraph 2, line 20, that all ... etc etc”. Then his co workers stare at each for a few seconds then go back to work like it’s a normal Tuesday.
@@jellykracken4229 For some reason this brings to mind Red Dwarf... 'No employee shall be seen wearing red socks on the 3rd tuesday of October?' 'No! I mean Paragraph 3, obviously' 'I fail to see how ham sandwiches are relevant to this situation' 'No. NO. Section 8!' 'No-one shall tease a hamster on a public highway?' 'You know what? Forget it.'
There are... so many quotable moments. My faves are probably: "They come to me in my dreams, like a prophet receiving visions from an angry god." "Because God has cursed me for my hubris, and my work is never finished." "Is there an analogous military that is somewhat bloated, often antagonistic, and seems to be the only thing the leadership cares about funding? Unfortunately, I couldn't find any real-life examples of this.... [blank stare] So I'm loosely basing this on the U.S. military." "His father took a bullet for Bowser back in the Korean War, so now he's a general." "Because not even death can excuse you from service in Bowser's army." "Why do Pirhana Plant have bone in it?" "You might remember him as that helpful guy who picks you up in Mario Kart, but he actually got his start in carpet bombing." "Despite what he's written in his memoirs, he's never been in active duty and is a valor-stealing bastard." "Oh my god, they're civilians." "Mario has committed at least 5 war crimes."
It's canon that the bricks were actually civilians before being magicked into structures by Bowser's henchmen. Mario's not just commited war crimes. He's commited literal genocide.
Actually according to the guide in the first Mario game only the question mark blocks were toads before Bowser magicked them up. That's why they give coins and power ups when you hit them. Hitting them rescues the Toads and they thank you with coins and mushrooms and stuff
Jane is correct. There was a mistranslation for the term brick in the manual. Specifically, the question blocks are transformed citizens. Source: www.mariowiki.com/%3F_Block
It’s funny cause based off of nintendo’s official narrative, the blocks are actually cursed denizens of toadstool realm or something, so the “destroying property for financial gain” actually counts as double war crime cause it’s killing civilians
"Unfortunately, I couldn't find any real life examples of this" "So I'm loosely basing it on the US Military" I WAS DRINKING WHEN YOU SAID THAT JESUS CHRIS
I feel like the name of “Koopa Troopa” does imply that they are in fact soldiers in Bowser’s military, unless of course that name did not originate from within Bowser’s ranks, and instead is a name given to them as Mushroom Kingdom propaganda so that Mario’s killing of any Koopa is seen as justified in defense of the mushroom kingdom, as all Koopas are Troopas
I am revisiting this video (as so often) and the line about "I don't think Nintendo would create a war criminal" coming back full circle is just poetry.
I cannot imagine the conversation he had to have with his coworkers "Hey so i need all of you to sing this song in a small crowd while i do main vocals and you cannot say no. Follow me." "...what?"
This is one of the standout episodes of Unraveled. The interplay between funny Mario names and real breakdowns of military corruption is hilarious, and then it ends with "We are the Toads", one of the highlights of Polygon as a whole.
“Now I need to figure out how to structure this hierarchy. I asked myself, is there an analogous military that is somewhat bloated, often antagonistic, and seems to be the only thing that the leadership cares about funding? Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any real life examples of this.” (Brian pauses.) “So I’m loosely basing it on the US military.“ This is probably the best quote of unraveled and also the one that almost kill me laughing
Is it not the lore of the original Super Mario Bros. that the civilians of the Mushroom Kingdom were turned into the blocks that Mario destroys? That would mean that the coins are more the souls of living beings Mario is sucking up. (This also explains why Mario gains extra lives when he surpasses certain coin thresh holds). So Mario is not an agent of the Mushroom Kingdom, sanctioned or otherwise. He's a non-politically aligned necromancer.
He's essentially the prince, since he's been in a relationship with the princess for decades. Officially or not, he has influence he has used for war crimes and he should be held accountable
I'm writing timestamps down to save my favorite parts of this video. (Now includes other people's faves too so if you have any favorite moments you wanna rewatch over and over, comment them and I'll try to add it to this comment) 3:00 - Real-life military 4:20 - Galoomba 6:42 - A fucking t-rex 7:30 - Steal their hats 8:13 - Wet Bowser and Dry Brian 8:35 - In the Navy 8:59 - Gushen 9:30 - Carpet Bombing 10:22 - The Funny Parade 11:10 - The Stus 11:47 - Oh my god they're civilians 12:54 - Penguin Child 13:23 - You didn't need to pants the man
The convention of Dry bones is actually much worse than you thought. Dry and wet cancel each other out. Dry + wet = normal. We also know dry = bones, and bones + flesh = normal. So what does this mean? Wet Bowser is only flesh.
@@xan8636 it kind of isn't, it would be grammatically correct if it was either "why does piranha plant have bone in it" or "why do piranha plant have bone in them"
Can you do a video on the sociological and criminological factors behind Splatoon's turf wars? Inkopolis' youth culture is unique in the fact that crime and territorial conflict is widespread and unquestioned, despite the apparent lack of any of the main factors such as low socioeconomic status or political tension? What is driving our squid children to a life of crime?
Came back for the memes, time stamps below 2:26 “because god has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished :)” 3:00 no real life examples 4:28 GALOMBA 8:14 dry Brian 8:35 IN THE NAVY 10:24 the funny parade 11:06 the stus ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 11:50 oh my god they’re civillians 12:30 Mario is a war criminal
So light a candle for the goombas Who were crushed beneath your feet Say a prayer for all the octoroks That were sliced into mincemeat Give a shout-out to the keese you killed Just to open that locked door... 'Cause no one thinks about the minions anymore. -- Ode to Minions
Brian, my guy. It's time. Which Pokemon can you eat... and which one will your head and your heart LET you eat? In the games, they eat slowpoke tail, but could YOU? Could any of us?
hey Brian. i bet you that you can't taxonomically classify every Mario species (including those found in the RPG's) in order to find a theoretical common ancestor. this is an official challenge which means according to the curse that was placed on you that you have to do it
@@katrinaxharhus3747 some unicellular organisms do actually reproduce somewhat sexually (some literally inject DNA into the other), but I get what you mean in terms of asexual reproduction Plus there are some multicellular organisms that reproduce asexually like certain plants and fungi
Technically speaking he was asked by the penguin mother to retrieve the baby penguin and did not keep the penguin in his custody very long, which probably does not make it a hostage and don't bring up throwing it off the cliff, that was you, not mario
Broke: Mario could be a sociopath, based on somewhat subjective and decontextualized evidence Woke: Mario is by definition a multiple offense war criminal
Originally most enemies in bowsers army were civilians, it’s only after they were attacked that they start enrolling in bowsers army, and also I’m sure that bowser was just having a diplomatic meeting with peach
The Funny Parade actually works perfectly for the Thwomp’s brigade, seeing as the name will make anyone who hears about them think they’re chumps, only to be flattened into red sludge by a vicious brick with a face.
As someone who spent my summer internship analyzing the Rome Statute, this was hilarious. The crimes are all meant to apply to States though, you have to be a government to be party to the geneva convention, and are specifically directed at things only States can do. They never counted on Mario. So, officially, it is actually Peach, as the head of State, who would be held accountable before the ICC
You would think that, but you can see that peach has no authority over mario in his many campaigns, meaning he essentially operates solo. He would be held responsible for every crime he commits.
We've seen individual commanders and lower-level actors prosecuted before, so not necessarily. Mario, himself, is hardly a rank-and-file soldier and a kidnapped Peach probably did not order him to execute each of the crimes committed, particularly given their sporadic nature. At the very least they could be charged as co-perpetrators.
There's thwimps and thwomps and whimps and whomps and grindles and spindles and grolls. There's talk box and flop box and romps and bomps, there's walleyes and wallops and they're all pretty much invincible.
The "those should never be exposed to the horror's of war" about Bowser's fursona has the same energy as the "Gays Too Precious to Serve in Military" video by The Onion.
@@RabbiHerschel Isn't the whole thing in the Bible that Sodom was already destroyed? God already took care of that one, we’re good! Alternatively, why should we destroy Sodom the German thrash metal band? They've written so many great riffs!
Update: Apparently, pinguins belong to a completely different kingdom, according to The Super Mario Movie trailer, unless they were overtaken, in which case, forget I said anything.
I've already watched this video a couple times now, and I noticed something with the "stealing hats" strategy While it could be argued that stealing hats was just a funny element in the game and that Brian is just joking about it, I can't help but think that in the most recent military equipment, if we don't count the kevlar vest, the helmet is the only remaining piece of armour a soldier carries around, since it can protect said soldier from indirect injuries such as grenades or razing bullets. And even if we go back further, helmets are one of the most ancient ways to defend yourself when you're a soldier, being used as far as Antiquity, like the Spartans who used it as a strong symbol. I mean, it protects your head, with your brain in it, and you need your brain most of the time. If we push beyond that, in a world where most ennemies are eliminated by jumping on them, we can imagine that wearing helmets is a great protective measure. In fact, there is multiple ennemies in the different games that wear helmets just to delay their death. By that logic, if we consider that helmets and hats are very close, and can both be stolen by Ukiki and Klepto, that means that, more than just a funny joke to toss around, like "Ahah, stealing hat is the only strategy of the bowser army, how goofy", You can solemnly say that "Stealing hats *IS* a great strategy"
It's the Funny Parade! There's Thwimps and Thwomps and Whimps and Whomps and Grindels and Spindels and Grrrolls, There's Tox Box and Flomps and Rhomps and Bomps and Walleyes and Wallops and- they're _all_ pretty much invincible, and they will crush you without hesitation, like a cartoonish Sherman's March to the sea. 10:22
No wonder Bowser keeps losing the war against the war criminal Mario. His soldiers are untrained. Bowser should get Dry Baron Friedrich Von Steuben to train his soldiers.
10:58 “Notice that I did not include Morton Koopa Jr., because despite what he has written in his memoirs, he’s never actually been active duty, and he’s a valor stealing bastard.”
After watching the .Mario Movie trailer, I came here to say: Bowser has stopped being a "ha ha, steal princess" and now is "Oh god, this guys taking over the world, I hope he compensates his soldier"
@@theguardianangel4001 Diagnosis is weird and should not be done through videos. And being a communist is also not dependent on colors and not inherently bad. (i know this is mostly a joke, i personally don't like it)
I like that this starts with “Nintendo wouldn’t put a baby in a go-kart with a war criminal” and ends with “Nintendo absolutely put a baby in a go-kart with a war criminal”
