Break-Ups Don’t Have to Leave You Broken | Gary Lewandowski | TEDxNavesink 

Who else here started watching this because they're feeling like shit? Probably just me

“If a relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does”. This is the whole purpose of relationships, supporting and helping each other out.

i'm here listening to this and crying because i cannot see the light in anything happening. i got dumped two days ago and i'm a complete wreck. this has been the hardest and most painful thing i've ever been through. Update: I am doing SO much better now. I look at this comment and feel so sad I ever felt this way. The heartbreak will end, time will pass and you’ll be happy again, I promise. I’ve found someone that makes me so much happier than I ever was, it’s hard to believe I at one point felt this way. It hurts, and it will hurt for a while. Some days i felt physical pain in my chest but that pain has since gone away. I am know happier than I’ve ever been, I’m the most confident I’ve ever felt, and life has never felt so bright. Don’t doubt yourself happiness and don’t give up on the future. It’s very hard and it’s very sad, but please do not rob yourself of everything you can achieve and all the joy you will obtain after the heartbreak is over. It will be better and you will be happy. Do not give up. If anyone needs someone to talk, I am here for you. Thank you to everyone who has checked in. ❤️

who enjoys reading comment section to know personal feelings of others and trying to correlate with your own situation,thinking you're not the only one going through that shit.. :-D

people who feel good about the break up are the ones who initiated the leave in the first place..the ones that are hit hard are those that were not prepared..like those who left were

The only time a break up does not leave you broken is if you had no deep feelings for your ex. But if you TRULY loved him/her, then the truth is this: You are gonna be shattered, completely and utterly DEVASTATED. You would have to be made of stone to feel okay about breaking up with a person that you loved.

Make sure to cry it out everyday. Hug something, your dog or cat, a stuffed animal? A loved one. Read some damn books. Educate yourself with positive stuff. Play video games, sit outside, go for a walk. Talk to anyone or write a journal. I’m currently going through a tough breakup where I thought this guy loved me & would NEVER leave me. But guess what??? He doesn’t love me and he left me for good. But I’m going to become stronger everyday. It all takes time. Yes it sucks sometimes. But I know it’s possible to get through anything. You can and will get through it. Give it time.

"Great relationships seldom fail bad ones do as they should."

Been through excruciatingly painful breakups, but time healed to where it hurts no more. Now I only have warm feelings for them as human beings. Life moved on and I became happy again. Hang in there and have strong faith. Just don't become cynical. Keep your innocence, your trust. Get involved in life again and keep your mind and heart open.

The way you love someone does not determine the way that person is going to love you back. Which sucks a lot and I’m learning that the hard way watching break up ted talks crying.

Dennis lloyd brought me here

Sorry but the actual breakup experience is actually much, much worse than what I imagined it would be beforehand.

When you really love the person who left you, the break up is not as easy as this guy said

It's not my first break up, but it's definitely my worst and most painful. If I didn't have a job I'd stay home, but I can't and I can't help but hurt. I don't wish this feeling on anyone

When my 20 year relationship ended I was like a little boat in a big storm , fighting my way through rough seas it took a while but in the end I reached calm waters and I’m stronger now.

This guy has never had his heart destroyed

I think most people end up here are heartbroken. But hey, what happened already happened, and one thing we know for sure is that overthink won’t do any good. I know is hard, is hard for everybody. But life goes on, this is not the end of the world. I hope you all feel better. Love yourself.

The last person to comment of this was 4 years ago, I go down the list of comments to see all the broken hearts and wonder how they are all doing now

My ex girlfriend held me back but we had loads of memories for so long that it was the worse break up I've had

Found out my boyfriend was cheating on me today. He said that he meant to tell me...don't know how people can be so hurtful.

People need to remember that a breakup isn’t the end. I too, have just experienced a breakup. The pain is often overwhelming and it’s worse than I imagined. When I chose my spouse, I in effect, chose someone I could see myself with; my visions, qualities, and prospective. I didn’t lose my spouse. I lost what I essentially saw inside them, which in turn was me. So now that chapter has ended, I can look for all that I lost in someone new. I can heal from what broke me and move on with my life. My loss was certainly not a person, rather than everything I saw within that person. I’m sure I’ll repair my heart and find it again with someone whom deserves it.

Broken up with two days ago this helps but breakups literally suck with your first love..

just remember time heals , take baby steps. You’re allowed to be hurt , allow yourself to cry don’t bottle up your feelings. But remind yourself that you are worthy , you matter , you don’t need that relationship to validate how amazing you are. Small steps and in time you will be fine ❤️

the loss of a romantic relationship will break your heart but you will heal.

I just don't want to be alone again.. Having someone there to love me as much as I loved them felt amazing.. But realizing that they didn't miss ME, they just missed the person that loved them so much they didn't have to love them back... that hurts man.. it hurts..

Um my experience is the breakup is even worse than I could have possibly imagined. Yes you learn but doesn't mean it was better than expected.

When you saw nobody but her in a crowd, when it was you and her against the world. When she was your best friend before anything. When you've devoted 100% of yourself to her. Getting dumped isn't easy, it's been six weeks and I still cry almost every day.

This video probably makes 99% of people who were dumped and stumbled upon this feel even more miserable. Thanks for letting dumpees know their ex who recently dumped them are happy/relieved that they severed a connection that was so important to them

For anyone going through a break-up, what follows will help you and it goes like this, "Gotta along without you before I met you, gonna get along without you now". This is a line from a 60's song that helped me heal from a five year romance with a man that I loved very, very much. I had the melody and words of this song in my head almost by the minute for over two years. I finally stopped crying, started sleeping through the night again, began to find interest in life once more, including people. And yes, I did fall in love again.

When you are going through a breakup, the last thing you care about is WTF you learned from it... seriously.

this guy spoke a lot but i didn't learn anything. i imagine other people that come to this video are dealing with heartbreak as i am...and all this guy does is keep saying 'you dont have to feel broken' like it means something. he's going on and on about the 41% who feel positive about the breakup and ignoring that the main problem with a breakup is when you are in the 26% that feels terrible about breaking up.

Reading these comments, I feel like I've written them all myself. I feel the pain. Trust me. I do. I don't see this going away anytime soon....

sometimes walking away is better and healthy

Someone once told me after a hard breakup. “It does get better, I can guarantee that but it gets worse before it’s better” and that really hit me at the time. Put things into perspective i guess

I feel broken today and I'm looking forward to one day in the future when this doesn't hurt anymore.

I started bawling when he said "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising everytime we fall."

Mine was much worse than I thought it would be, loss of self, loss of connection, loss of identity. It keeps me going knowing the only way ill find out if there is someone better out there is to stick around and survive long enough to find out.

Soon as he said 'we need to talk' my heart sank.

When someone breaks up with you due to cheating or falling out of love It hurts, but I promise you it gets better... day by day slowly by slowly it really does get better!!!! And please don't go looking for a new relationship work on you and accomplish anything you never thought you could.

I just got out of a very very toxic relationship that just had me crying in it most of the times. And even after its end i'm fully aware of the fact that what happened is actually something good for myself but the emotional attachment still kills me and is making it hard for me to be happy and live to the fullest.

If someone leaves you suddenly it will leave you broken . But you do not stay broken you will heal if you do the right things.

Watch this at least 3 months after your break up because it will be hard to relate after ending a fresh relationship.

It's only broken if you want it to be fixed back again. If not, and it's meant to be, then think of it as a development...

If you'd have asked me during the relationship I'd have said it would be horrible, but also that I'd survive it. The real thing is so much worse than I'd ever have imagined, I can't escape from thinking about him, when I don't in the day I have nightmares over it. It was an incredibly toxic relationship and it's left me paranoid, untrusting, with low self esteem, and unable to love anyone, I don't think I've gained anything.

I really wish all of us broken hearted find acceptance and inner peace...🙏❤🙏

"When your relationship doesn't help you become a better person, ending it does." Spot on exactly what I needed to hear. This whole Ted talk is great, but that quote really stood out. I like that this is scientific yet light hearted. Also, your stick figures are glorious haha

Going through a breakup right now, it happened two nights ago. I've been watching videos when I start to feel down. They help. I know it's a long run, I'm going to miss her very much but I think it's the best for the two of us. I hope to find strength while I go through this.

this really isnt that kinda video where it uplifts you. i feel worse

I think this video put me in a worse place. I was very happy with my relationship, but I think I was weighing my partner down. This video just made me see how the breakup was probably a burden of her shoulders and how she's doing better without me while I'm still hurting

its the worst feeling when you feel like you were the one holding them back, and they've moved on and are seemingly thriving while you're depressed, lost, feeling empty and just want them back in your life.

We are all in this together. To all the heartbroken, I feel you. We're all struggling but we're doing our best. You loved too much and now you're confused and disappointed. You didn't mean for it to end this way, you wanted nothing but to love and be loved back. It's not your fault. If you're feeling the same pain I am feeling, I am sorry and I understand

I have never related to anything less in my life than listening to this talk.

Breakups have sent me into some of the darkest places I’ve ever been. My heart goes out to anyone watching this video trying to get through a breakup. My only advice is to use this time to seek your purpose in this world. Call out to god and ask for the truth to be revealed to you. He has a plan for you, no matter how low you’re feeling right now.

This hurts so much more than I imagined. She's the first and last thing on my mind everyday, and I truly thought we were perfect for each other. A week ago we were making plans for a trip to Italy, and then a few days later I'm here. I cannot wrap my head around it. I'm devastated...

Can you imagine being heartbroken and then going to answer surveys about your heartbreak to researchers

Im going through a horrible separation. It can be said that I caused it in many ways, but my wife and friend of 12 years decided she wanted a break after a married guy (her boss) pretty much send his kids and wife away to be with her. Now she basically lives with him, ignores our two kids and is planning to get pregnant after knowing him for about 9 months. Sure I can explain the details but in the end when your spouse tells you they want "new and exciting" how can an old relationship compete? blame it on the bumps over the years, the little arguments but in the end some people just don't give a damn and decide to throw away something for something better in their eyes. UPDATE: 06/09/2022 Hi guys for those of you who wondered if I was still alive or just wondered what happened let me update ya! It was not easy getting back to normal at all, in fact things aren't the same today! The kids were affected my older daughter remembers her absence. My wife tries to over compensate even today I feel. For over a year after our separation we probably had intimacy 2 or 3 times total. A contrast of 2 or 3 times a week before our separation. I waved it off like shes probably trying to just co parent and so I felt like it was OK for the time (not healthy and very weird). She wanted to have another baby so after a while we had another little girl but she wanted a boy so a few years later we had finally had a boy! So we have 4 kids now! My oldest just Graduated HS and is ready for college, we are very proud! My conclusion we are together but things are not as things were and I love her and our family I do, but all things come to an end and if you force things you only prolong the inevitable. One thing I can tell you though, that separation helped me find myself! and love myself and who I am, my friends helped me realize happiness stars with you! and that you aren't alone just because one person does not want you anymore. I'm not scared to be alone (without a partner) I'm more scared of being with the wrong person! did I make the right choice getting back together? IDK......

Day 2 of my very first breakup. I’m so lost and scared guys

unsurprising close to half people dont have such negative feelings, takes at least one person to finish a relationship..

I almost start crying while Ted was speaking because I never talked about my break up. It was a decision that had to be made. He just wasn't willing to make the sacrifice to make me feel secure, and safe in the relationship. And, I believed his decision hurt me more than the breakup.

i need someone to listen to this.. i was with a guy for almost 3 years.. but we dated before that. so ive known him for 4 years..and i loved this man. i still do... but we broke up about a week and a half ago.. and i ended things because he "doesnt know" what he wants.. he didnt know if he loved me.. and i tried giving him space.. but it just hurt me in the end because i knew things werent getting better.. he started ditching me all the time, making excuses not to hangout. and he would always ignore me and make me feel sorta of like shit.. yes we would fight.. but we would always make up. now we're broken up and he is being an ass to me.. he doesnt want to hear about me.. we ended on bad terms.. and i feel crazy for not getting all this through my head. i know i deserve better.. but its so hard. he was the love of my life. My BEST FRIEND. i dk how to move on.. idk how to feel.. i just start ro shake and freak out and i wish i could be happy.. going out with friends doesnt always help. i feel like I'll never find someone who knows im special. i feel like ill never learn to be happy single.. im just so scared and i wake up crying all the time. idk whats wrong with me.

I am in the middle of a divorce. I was with my husband for 21 years. The pain is fresh, so this video is helpful.

I cannot connect with anything he is saying.... Because in my case he dumped me after a fight in 2 days and I was left baffled and for days I felt he is just angry. He had it all planned for a long time while I was sitting here reading articles about how to support him, how to improve communication in relationship, even after breakup he kept saying "we are not good for each other " while I was just seeing fights as something to work through as we always had. I used to put a lot of effort to understand his perspective and communication everytime there was a need and even the last fight was about why he is pushing me off nd not communicating properly. Gaslighting is real.

Been a little over a month since my fiancé told me over the phone that it wasn't gonna work out. A little over 3 weeks since I cut it off with my ex, and 5 days since I last had to see him. I feel much better about the break-up; creating distance & resisting the urge to check up on them, surrounding yourself with supportive friends & family, picking up healthy new hobbies, and just overall filling in the voids with love & positivity is the way to healing faster. I learned a lot from this experience, most importantly accepting the fact that this person was not the one for me.

"when your relationship doesnt help you become a better person ending it does"

this was amazing. he just put into words what i was going thru. bad relationships fail as they should. but its liberating and you rediscover yourself and your strengths

How can you be positive when your girlfriend dumps you and begins dating another guy the same day?

I hope i come back to testify how i'm better and in a good place. God please. This hurts too much

This helped me put things into the right perspective after months of feeling crushed by a breakup. Thank you

It's been 15 years and it still stings like the moment it happened.

I learned a lot from my past relationship. It taught me how I would like to be loved and treated in my next relationship. It made me become a better person because my last partner held me back from my true self.

Came out of a 4-year relationship with a very difficult person about 3 months ago. I feel broken and depressed, but I know I made the right decision and that I'll find myself and my happiness soon.

Just broke up with my first love and I feel like offing myself. She was the most amazing girl ever and it was honestly my fault, I gave her too much affection and it overwhelmed her ultimately pushing her away. She’ll always have a special place in my heart as my first love and it’s hurts to let her go

Great motivation for all of us who have been broken up or are going through a breakup right now. And to quote Rocky, “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward.

Were the large group of people that were happy after a break up the "breakers"? I think the more depressed group of people that are going through a break up are the ones who thought they were in a relationship only to discover they were being used to cheat on someone else with (happened to me) It was much more devastating (for me) to discover that I was a "side-piece" and that nothing was legit. Not only is finding out the truth excruciatingly painful, but having one's time squandered is truly infuriating.

This has completely changed my mindset. I love humans, I love life, I am so happy to be here. Everyone in this comment section deserves happiness and it will come, that I am sure.

The worst feeling is when you lost the one and not sure if I can find someone like her again.

18 years, I haven't eaten anything for 3 days. Not going to get through this. and now she's staying with my ex-wife of 17years. at her house. I'm so fkd. it's sick. my mind is racing. this person owned my heart 18 years.

Interesting for sure. I've never actually been in a real relationship before, and I'm 40. Maybe it's because I had trauma when I was younger, or grew up feeling rejected. I really couldn't say. The one thing that I do know for sure is that it feels really good to not have to be responsible for anyone else but myself. If you think about it, that could be a huge advantage. I do however feel sad sometimes when I see fathers playing with their kids or couples doing fun activities together. Perhaps one day the stars will align. Until they do, I'm enjoying thinking on a deeper level, and watching self improvement material like these Ted Talks.

ive watched tons of videos on coping with breakups but i genuinely love this one.

My ex and I enjoyed almost all the same interests and hobbies....so there're no "rediscovery of self" going on here in my post breakup life.

My breakup made my anxiety and depression all time high. i felt lonely and lost and it felt like it wasnt me anymore. but i am trying hard to bring me back before him.

The scariest thing is when you start going down a self destructive path. I've never done that before and it terrified me, but I snapped out of it after a lot of reflection and I'm going to get better.

i appreciate this speaker adding a touch of humor to this topic, sometimes you just have to laugh at life because things happen we dont see coming but that doesnt mean life will be miserable forever

Gary was my moms best friend in highschool and college. They always liked each other at different times so it never worked out. So proud of him for a million views.

I never thought I’d be watching these videos. I never thought I’d lose my bestfriend. It feels unbearable. 5 freaking years

Everything is cold 💔 Feeling my head is cold but my heart is burning!! Im in deep pain..

I really needed this, it's what we already know but it helps when we hear it come from someone we don't know

Starpunk, seriously, feeling the pain and going through it really, really helps my heart. Again, thank you!

It's been a month of my very first break up....everyday seems worse..the pain deepens and I feel like I'm going crazy....I wish I had someone to talk to about it...I hate this feeling 😭😭

Its been a year after we broke up but i still get those nightmares. I know ive moved on but everytime i am alone i start to think about it and my heart still hurts. Those times when he dumped me makes me feel like i dont want to go through breakup again nor do i want to fall in love again.

Yes. Thank you. Am out of holding me back relationship. I asked myself why am not happy but now I know.

I literally can't find any comfort whatsoever watching these videos. I'm so lost, life has no meaning anymore.

I don't like the joke about "how many of you survived your breakup?" Lots of people have killed themselves over a lost loved. Obviously they're not going to be there raising their hand.

Well this made me feel worse.. “She’s back to the person she needed to be”, yeah... without us together.

What people have to focus on regardless who broke up with who is that you DO get over it. You have to priortise...get your mind and body right by eating better and exercising....it does get better

I am writing this comment for my future self: I know you suffer today, she broke up and left you with many regrets, you feel empty, alone, not able to enjoy the things you once enjoyed doing by yourself, but hear me out: that's your superpower, you can enjoy your time, you are capable of being happy by yourself and your future girlfriend should just make you HAPPIER. Learn from your mistakes, rediscover your deepest self, enjoy the time with your family and friends and have some faith in you. You will never know what the future holds, but I have a feeling that your future girlfriend will make you feel things much deeper than your ex ever managed to make you feel. Good luck and take care of you as you always did!

Dennis lloyd just showed me that golden speech

what happens when you feel like you were in a relationship that built you up and made you feel happy and fulfilled just to find out your partner has been feeling the opposite way. it was 4 years and i had no idea he always seemed so happy to me, I guess I'm just really struggling to understand. he says he still loves me but its killing me because he can never love me how I deserve although I felt like he was supooetive loving and caring towards me):

I’m watching this and balling my eyes out. I know it’s for the best, but it still hurts.

If you are hurt, take comfort in the fact that your grief is love in another form; therefore you can love and you can love deep. When he broke up with me yesterday he didn’t cry, he just wanted to leave because he couldn’t bare to see me crumble because of how much I loved him. He’s going to think of me asking for one last kiss for the rest of his life and the fact I loved him so much through everything will haunt him. Time will heal you, and time will bring joy. Stay hopeful and NEVER let them see that you can’t live without them. You will feel like that for a while, but a better and greater love will come along and put gold on those scars your past lover left on you.