Yes, I love visiting my stuff at various shops, I don't have to dust it, organize it or store it, my house stays clutter free, and I can visit it and look at it whenever I want!
I started my dehoarding project at the first of the year. Your message helped me realize I’m creating a new lifestyle rather than just doing a cleaning. Thank you for your valuable information.
Feelings(emotions) drive behaviors. Feelings point to needs. Unpleasant feelings point to unmet needs, Pleasant feelings point to met needs. We can do more than just change the behavior with hoarders. We can identify the need which hoarding is meeting and we can both stratigize alternative ways to meet that need (for example someone who keeps their house hoarded for safety from other people, we can skill build healthy boundary work so that they can use their words to say who can come in and who has to stay out) as well as literally healing trauma wounds people have. Like we can do adult attachment healing. When we shift the feelings that drive the behaviors we don't just change the behaviors. We change the foundation.
So you can work on this on a surface behavioral level (like CBT and there is nothing wrong with that)...but you can also go deeper than that and do some healing on a level deeper than just behavior if you choose.
I love your videos! You have a very soothing presence about you. I had no idea that you struggled with hoarding and had to teach yourself habits to overcome it. That's very inspiring. I've always been the opposite- extreme minimalist- until lately when I lost some people that I love and now I feel this compulsion to keep every shred of my childhood, and purchase things that remind me of my childhood. It's something I need to soothe myself out of every time because I just can't stand living with all this stuff! Room by room, I'm reclaiming my space. I have nothing but compassion for hoarders now because I understand the trauma that leads to the disorder and the measure of self discipline it takes to overcome. ❤
The first of the year I began my dehoarding program. Thanks to you I understand the problem as such. I am making headway. I’ll let you ‘now when all areas of my home and life are organized
Having "hoarding tendencies" is difficult to control. There are many psychological and emotional aspects of the disorder that are deeply ingrained in the psyche. It take years of cognitive behavioral therapy to change ones behavior.
YES! You are correct. The behaviors that encourage hoarding don't disappear once a house is cleaned. The roots of the behavior also have to be addressed. I love the fact that you mentioned this. Thank you.
Learning about minimalism is what cured me of my tendency to hoard! I hated letting go of things before, but now I have no desire to bring anything into my life that isn't totally necessary! I'm so happy with everything I own and so grateful! It also helped me realise that I really did have an inability to fulfillingly connect with other people and so I've had the space (having also decluttered other things that were making me unhappy like social media) and time to work on that and understand it better and change it. I even moved house to be nearer to family and friends. It's amazing the unhealthy coping mechanisms we take on when we don't properly understand the problem or know how to fix it. I'm so grateful for minimalism for intervening so early in my life, I could so easily have gone down another, much messier path.
Had first session with a decluttering pro... OMG so wonderful. The ball is now rolling! She is coming back in two hour sessions, and in between I am thinking of new things to get rid of! Stresses hubby out, but I think he will come around...he has always said we have too much stuff. It's not all mine! 😉
As a person with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I can tell you it is SO hard to fight the compulsions. It takes daily discipline and lots of self care and soothing techniques. It is exhausting. It sounds like you have found a way to help control the compulsions and that is great! But, let me tell you, OCD does not end. It is a daily struggle.
Kathy, for sure OCD and anxiety are a bitch. I'm not diagnosed but there are so many things I do it's very obvious without a diagnosis, albeit not crippling like it is for some folks. I've managed to turn my OCD around into disposing of unused items responsibly. Books to the local library, good bras I've got too fat for to a charity for African women, Freecycling random good items, old towels to the Dogs' Trust and so on. This has become my new compulsion and it works much better for me.
I'm the woman that buys tons of "stuff" takes it home says "I didnt need this" and ends up back at the store the next day to return. I think o just enjoy picking it up and taking it home. Taking it out the bag and saying its mine...its very self sabotaging for me because I need to save money to get where I want to be. My husband is EXACTLY OPPOSITE. He lives like a viking and cant understand why I need 3 different brands of almond oil for one head of locs😂🤣 I'm working on it.
Angela Hite This is my partner, but l decided to meet them where they are at and realise this is a soothing technique but it’s can be tackled if they allow me to talk with them and we declutter the home but also their issues bit by bit. It’s a hard habit to break but l know it can be done. I had the problem still struggle but not on the same scale.
I don't think of people who stock up on sale items as hoarders, especiallly if it's something they will eventually use and as long as they have a place to store it out of sight. Some people are compulsive bargain shoppers, or plain compulsive shoppers. I worked in real estate at one time and saw quite a few hoarders' houses and this is some of what I saw: years of newspapers neatly bundled with string and stacked 3 rows deep/5 bundles high along one entire garage wall; multiple china cabinets holding scads of mementos from elementary school craft projects like plaster of Paris doodads where the owner was now 50 years old; multiple huge glass brandy snifters filled with wine corks on display as though it was pretty; four tall metal file cabinets filled with ancient paperwork. This was all at ONE house and was stuff that will *never* be of use. I could go on, but that's a textbook hoarder and it all belonged to the husband. :/
Oh no, I am so sorry to hear this heartbreaking news. There is a lot to unpack there, and I'm thankful you were vulnerable enough to share that with us. There may be others who too are hoarding as a result of similar trauma. I'm sending you a big virtual hug and saying a prayer that your journey brings comfort in the amazing person you are and that your value here in this life is so much greater than mere stuff. 🤗🤗🤗🙏🙏🙏
I have learned not grabbing a cart 🛒 is my mistake. If I don’t grab a cart I will end up needing one however so many times I grab a cart that conveniently holds my purse 👜 but often just walk around looking not actually getting a bunch of stuff. I know strange it just seems to go that way for me
I have this back when I was living in Japan. My stuffs are all on the floor with food wraps and everything. I didn't took it seriously and was able to clean up before I go home to my country. Only now that I've learned it's hoarding.
Can you think about strategies to help a "history" hoarder?? The individual brings home things that might be historically valuable 100 years from now. Or that "noone else understands" the value of. Or outdated paper files with artifact info that has been thrown out by her museum workplace because of newer computer artifact programs that store electronic files. I really enjoy al these videos!
Check out my Facebook group: Facebook.com/Groups/HoardingWorld This is a safe place to get tips and strategies for different types of hoarding scenarios. 🤗
I learned a few years ago to let the produce that I don't use fast enough, to to let the grocers store for me and let them deal with the lettuce that goes bad. There's nothing wrong with making a daily trip just for the produce you need for the day. I hadn't thought of other things though. We don't need to hoard, say, toilet paper(!) to the point of keeping other people from having any. I imagine there are people out there storing tp, who bought too much two years ago, with little beetles now in them.
I don't use a basket. More than you can stack in your arms in too heavy to carry home usually. With Covid it's a good idea to stay away from big public places? So, I shop hard if I go there now; but a pricier product or something I have been holding off getting. I have zones at home too....not letting stuff spread all over....it's got to fit in it's zone.
Thank you for making this video. I have a hoarder friend (stuff and animals) and I feel she is depressed and angry. She wants to buy a new house to have everything nice and clean and also keep her current location. She has lost several pairs of eye glasses never to be seen again; a gallon of milk, keys, phones, credit cards are the things that I know about. She actually complains of her filthy living conditions and blames her family as she did not get the inheritance she deserved. Nobody told her to take care of all these animals that keep reproducing and are draining her limited income. Lately when I speak to her all she does is complain and lash out, she is worried about the SPCA coming after her and this is not her first rodeo. It is just a matter of time before they condemn her house and take her animals. She asked me if I thought the authorities are coming and I asked her if she had a bondsman I could call in case of emergency. She said if they take her animals she will leave the country. I asked her if her passport was up to date? No, she is not prepared. I told her if this happened a fresh start would be good for her. She is angry at her neighbors for calling authorities. She is shutting everyone out of her life and has replaced them with animals who she is overwhelmed by. Lately she has been speaking very disrespectfully to me. I have tried several times to politely tell her to stop. I have been walking on eggshells trying not to offend her and and not mention certain things if I have nothing nice to say. I am tired of being public enemy no. 1. I am a cheerful and optimistic person and I think this irritates her. I think her hoarding and I suspect depression has finally taken over her life and mind. This is so sad.
It's ok to report animal hoarding. It protects the animals. Don't ask her permission to do it. If you are walking on eggshells and you are afraid of her, you might need to declutter her from your life. She's trying to control the narrative about what is actually happening by forcing you to not question anything she says or does, and to avoid any discussion in which she is not the hero in this situation. Animal hoarding is animal abuse. The hoarder seldom has the money or organizational skills to take them to the vet if they are sick or injured. The animals cannot get away from there. They have no voice if they are suffering unless someone notices and says something to the people that can actually do something about it. Without treatment, hoarding is usually lifelong and gets progressively worse. Hoarding also affects the health and well being of the hoarder, and their family too. Animal hoarding is considered the worst form of hoarding. Don't be afraid to speak up for them. Animal hoarding is different than running an animal rescue. Animal rescues need permits, and they are required to provide veterinary care, and provide a clean, safe environment for however many animals they have. If the animals have fleas, heartworm, ringworm, and look mangy, with swollen eyes, these animals are not getting the care they need. These diseases can be very contagious to any animals that live nearby.
Hoarding disorder is an actual condition. The lack of insight, often anosognosia, executive function dysfunction (which affects organization, planning, prioritization, decision making), cognitive distortions... all create an overwhelm, an almost paralyzing dynamic. Many hoarders have unresolved trauma in their histories. They need help with healing their attachment style & trauma. They need to learn to challenge their faulty narratives. They are avoidant. They avoid wanting to really talk, really feel, really deal with things. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Whatever they can to avoid, push people away, push feelings away, push away having to deal with their stuff. Treating the reasons for avoidance, is huge. It takes a lot of patience, and truly the hoarder has to cooperate. Unfortunately, the disorder makes it very hard for the hoarder to see the big picture, integrate new habits/new ways of thinking and behaving. Honor yourself. Communicate your needs and boundaries, clearly and respectfully. Disengage and allow for significant space. Take care of yourself.💫
I was once accused of being a hoarder, but I'm most certainly not. I'm a compulsive collector who has to curb my collections, because I have a lot of collections, but that is not the same as hoarding. There are different reasons people can become or be perceived as a hoarder, but it is only a problem if it prevents the person from living to a reasonable standard. My collecting is a trait of my Autism, and is for "regular" items, but there are other Autistics who collect "unusual" items, as a trait of their personal Autism. So if a person has a huge collection of say, paper bags for example, a different approach would be needed, than if a person has a huge collection of paper bags full of empty crisp packets and dried up bits of mouldy bread. The person with the neatly folded paper bags, would be better served with storage solutions, they may be Autistic and cannot be cured. The person with the paper bags full of rubbish, is more likely to have a mental illness of some kind, depression or whatever, and can be helped to overcome the problem.
Hi Madison, Thanks for jumping in and for your feedback. You're correct, hoarding used to be looked at as a mental illness - and now with multiple generations before us who have passed things down - it turns out there are storage problems for just about everyone. Some are organized hoarders an others are cultivators but the techniques of awareness and collecting remain the same. If the item is not being used, is not meaningful to you, is taking up space you don't have, it may be time to part with it.
@@AskAngelaBrown hoarding disorder was added in the DSM. It is still considered a mental illness. What has changed is that it is considered separate from OCD, where as prior it was classified under OCD. The lack of insight, executive function deficits, often history of trauma, are contributors to the complexity of this disorder. Also, those with autism have higher rates of hoarding than the general public, as well as those with OCD, ADHD, and other realms where executive function deficits are prevalent. Of note, some of the aforementioned can be concurrent conditions too. There is no such thing as an organized hoarder. Hoarding is a chronic disorganization problem. Collectors are very different. Their collections are organized and categorized. They are proudly displayed. They don’t impede flow of traffic in the house. They don’t inhibit use of any function of any rooms. Sometimes, hoarders will claim “collecting” when denial is high and awareness low. Collecting and hoarding are very different. Hoarders struggle to identify what is of value, what to prioritize, where to put things, how to get rid of things. Many times, procrastination and avoidance are central features. Avoidance of emotions, avoidance of dealing with anything really. That’s how a hoard grows. Once a person learns to feel, be uncomfortable, make tough choices, initiate tasks (which is opposite of procrastination), follow through consistently, repeatedly, there is hope that the hoarding has a chance to be helped. It is very hard to treat though. Many dynamics. A person has to be willing and able to change. Often this is not the case.
My brother is like you, and his apartment is full of his collections. I didn't know the difference between hoarding and collecting (or simply saving things) until recently and I agree with you - it's the saving of literal garbage (food waste) that makes a hoarder. We recently cleaned out my dad's house and found every single email he'd ever received, printed out, in a file cabinet. And every single receipt from everything he ever bought (EVERYTHING) organized neeaty into envelopes by year. I wrongly thought this was hoarding at first.
True hoarding disorder probably can't be 'cured,' but it can be managed successfully, usually with professional help of some kind and sometimes mental health medications. Good luck to anyone with this problem and please reach out for help - you don't have to do it all alone. 🙂
Cured may not be the right word, but compulsive hoarding habits can be broken or changed. We're seeing it in mass numbers right how through our Hoarding World programs.
You posed the question but never really answered it. NO. There is no cure for Hoarding Disorder. You can talk and talk and talk about it and at the end of all the talking the hoarder will still be hoarding. Even if you have access to and can afford therapy, there is still no cure. If you have a hoarder in your life, as hard as it may be, you should leave them. Hoarders will ruin your life and your children's lives.
