I haven't done a cancer update video in a while ... I don't think. This video describes some of the problems I have been having post chemo and radiation. Truthfully, I have felt like the chemo and radiation wasn't that bad compared to the recovery. I have so much I need to get done but progress has been extremely slow. What many people don't realize is the amount of struggle I have had post treatment because I keep it hidden. I'm going to continue to fake it until I make it. Except in this unedited video .... which explains a lot of the issues in real time.
To me, its heartbreaking to watch this video after its recorded. It shows my confusion, how I can't seem to focus on just one topic (starts out as a cancer update video, turns into a morel mushroom hunting video, turns into a check out my pawpaw trees in bloom), mood swings, the memory loss forgetting what I already talked about so I repeat myself, etc, etc. I don't even always know these things are happening but its affected my performance at work, at home, etc and I know that. This video is just one short moment of my day to day and doesn't even cover forgetting peoples names you have known your entire life, or having to talk slower because you need to pick and chose your words carefully, to forgetting something you have done every day hundreds or thousands of times but you can't remember how now. My todo list just keeps growing and things I start are left in some state of not done yet. Life has just been really frustrating because my memory and thoughts I can't keep straight and everything seems to be falling apart at a time when I need to be sharp and efficient.
Failure is never an option, there is no giving up but I keep saying I am going to fake it until I make it ... so bare with me until they get this figured out.
Here is a link that tells you more about chemo brain: www.cancer.org/treatment/trea...
21 апр 2021
