As a male I can honestly tell you that you are beautiful and attractive. But I completely understand why you find that hard to believe. ❤ Mental and emotional trauma is devastating. No matter how many people tell us we are worthy it doesn't matter because we still perceive ourselves as not being good enough, or that people are only saying that to humor us.
That’s horrible! I can’t believe your father would stay with someone who was purposely sabotaging and abusing you. I’m glad that you were able to escape that toxic environment. I’m currently in the process of doing the same when I can save up enough to afford my own place. I appreciate you being vulnerable and sharing some of your past traumas with us. You deserved a better childhood. You are so strong for enduring all that ❤
I'm 43, in and out of therapy since I was 17. Lots of cPTSD, anxiety disorders, social fear, phobias, etc. It does get better in my experience. I found Internal Family Systems to be absolutely transformative in my recovery. Every day I recover a little bit more. It is possible. It's great you're in therapy - you've been through an enormous amount of very challenging experiences and how you feel and how you have reacted is completely normal and understandable. Please be gentle and kind to yourself where possible and stay in a healing path. You deserve to be at peace with everything. None of your experiences with your family are your fault. Sending love (if wanted).
You are such a strong person hope you find a way to deal with your trauma you are bigger and more powerful than your trauma you are a sweet good person
So, I’m a guy but I completely understand where you are coming from. You say you weren’t super feminine. Well, I wasn’t super masculine. I did not like sports, or wrestling, or any of the typical masculine things. I liked to write and paint; I was a huge reader, and very introverted. That, combined with the fact that I am not and have never been particularly attractive and I’m short, made me the butt of jokes for most of my life. When I ask a woman out or attempt to flirt, I am immediately friendzoned or outright treated like shit by the girl. That was the case when I was 20, and it’s the case now at 35. Now I DID have a couple romantic relationships, one that was essentially a marriage and involved taking custody of a child (not mine, but a family member that needed caring for) but I’ve been single again for about 2 years and nothing has changed concerning women or how I am perceived by them from then and now, save for the rare one here and there. In the 9 years I was taken, if anything, I realize that things now are actually even worse than they used to be for men. Body dysmorphia is something I was unfamiliar with until I saw your videos, but, as everyone else has told you, you’re a hottie. You are gonna think that’s someone trying to be kind, but it’s very true. You’re an absolute beauty and any man or woman should be honored to have you.
You will get better for sure! You are so reflected with your whole story. Im not a therapist at all, but in general, what is going to help you is this: Feeling anger. Towards everyone, who abused you or did not believe you. Right now you are using anger towards youself. Everyone has an emotional and a rational part in the brain. Thinking with emotions, you might feel that you are the ugliest person, but when you try to think rational, just for one second (with your adult-self), you definetly will recognize, that you are not ugly!! Never! Its so hard, but we have to separate our past from the present. The world today is not dad and step mom(s) :) What happened to you has NOTHING to do with you as a person. I hope you can train youself every day a little bit to be in your adult self not in the child-self. You are doing great, because you already realized, that you have some sort of trauma through childhood abuse. You are already doing small steps and Im sure you will heal one day. You will have such a superpower, because you survived all of this. One day you will see. Take care sweetheart ❤
Hi, when I first came across your videos, I felt like I wasn't alone because your story reminded me of mine. I know what's like to be ignored and to have nobody around you when you really need them. I wish that I could say something which makes you feel better but I cannot do that even for myself, I am really sorry because I know whatever I say won't change or fix anything. Yet, I can wish you the best in your future, and hopefully everything will get better for you.
I WONT EVEN SURVIVE half of what u been thru. Dont blame yourself for what your parents responsible for. Its ok to feel falling behind sometimes(me rn). But its also important to not push yourself too hard, it takes time to heal🌼🍀
I'm a 22 year old male have had an almost 1 to 1 experience as far as childhood trauma goes. When I approached my Dad about my issues and how he and my family affected me and he told me to grow up and to act like a man 👍 Spoke to my mom about it and she just acted like she didn't know what I was talking about even though her ex husband and his entire family bullied me the whole time they were together (7 Years btw). So that's currently where I am on my healing journey 😂 All that to say it helps to hear that there are people out there like us and I appreciate you being real and telling your story 💯
That’s like pretty bad… especially ur dad’s girlfriends… I’m glade ur in therapy tho and being very proactive even tho ur physically crippled. Ur a very strong person to keep on fighting for yourself betterment ❤
self awareness is the only true currency esp now and you obviously are well endowed. it is also an extremely painful gift. look into quiet borderline personality disorder. if you can channel this you will be able to help a lot more people than you already have by being so honest. keep in mind that the bullies only bully becuz they are threatened by you. i am the black sheep of my adopted family so i get it, girl! it seems to me that most people are on the fringe of being a full blown narcissist so the ability to internalize and not react to everything and everyone is very underrated. so glad i randomly happened upon your channel. i support your existence!
Hey! Just found your channel, saw and heard few things. Had to write. WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT? You are beautiful young Lady. Don't worry bout anything. I'm 36, I've been bullied, no friends AT ALL, no one give a f**k about me and still....I'm pushing thru. It's all good. SMILE! Hugs from Poland! 🤗 If you need to talk I'll be chillin somewhere over here.
Just want to say that the feelings you have due to your experiences are absolutely valid, but you will get over them one day. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective and being so vulnerable about what you've gone through. There's a lot of hurt people in this world who will try to hurt you because of how empty they are inside and they want to rob you of what you have to offer. You've been totally mistreated and abused by people who should be showing you unconditional love and support. In time though you really will find good people who will prove to you that you are a beautiful human being and that good people do exist. I wish you the best through your struggles, know that this whole community has your back and you 100% have the strength to keep moving forward if you've made it this far.
I’m kind of the same. You have to be better than them (not saying you aren’t) that’s the only thing that kept me going. Let that be your goal for life. The thoughts will always linger in the back of your mind but once you get to a better place they’ll be nothing.
My step-mom does the same thing to me. She's thrown away two candy skull earbuds, which my brother bought for me. And, as of recently, she threw away one of my journals. Now, I wish I could say that I've dealt with this as even-headed as you have... I haven't. Doesn't make me any better but, I've hidden her kitchen knives, ripped up and thrown away books of hers, doused the piano keyboard she bought me with water, and tresspassed on one of her best friend's & neighbors properties. I got in huge trouble for the last one but, it was satisfying.
I’m so sorry for your pain. I truly hope you can find the healing love and happiness that you deserve. I relate to alot of the stuff you said. Wouldn’t wish it in anyone.
I came across your videos several moths ago because I was feeling ugly and worthless....I just wanted you to know that you changed my life, so every single time you think you're worthless remember that you made at least one person happy.❤ I have also never found you ugly (I know you probably won't believe me because your brain has convinced you the opposite). "Rainbow appears after every storm"🌈Just wait for yours,I promise you,it will come.....
You telling us this makes much more sense now. You must try your best to put all the bad stuff behind you. I mean once you have discussed everything with your councilor as it's 1st a good idea to get this out by speaking to someone. My parents had the odd row and that upset me. So having an entire family addicted to booze and the hard stuff would be rather traumatic. You seem a wonderful person. Keep working on yourself. I joined some motivational groups as the really good one's tend to help when I'm down. I used to be depressed but over the years I have improved a lot (I have my odd bad day but not many). Take care you deserve so much better and it will eventually come to you.
I have had my fair share of childhood traumas and have cut off many family members (except my parents and aunt who were the only supportive ones) out of my life. I had a family friend tell me I did something in order to be abused and have been told by them to "forgive" my family members and to be around them. I find it disgusting when people encourage you to be around your abusers as it is clear something is wrong with them. Don't force yourself to be around toxic behaviour at all.
You tell your story and the possible reasons why you have dysphoria. It breaks me that my story is almost identical as my own to some point. Im call this stance " ivisible kid". But after childchood another thing makes me worse. The girl I loved constantly made me feel that I was missing something. The most damaging was that she would reject me, say I was ugly, and then she would cheat on me with fat men in their 40s and 50s. She preferred them. Today I look at the my pictures from that time and I see a nice, not ugly boy. But all life with her i feels like shit. Therefore, I am asking you very much. If you meet someone and he only deepens your problems, run away. Just run. I wasted my youth believing that I would finally deserve acceptance. It never happened. And now when I get meet people who like something about me, it's strange and uncomfortable for me.
Rough times there. Have you tried to reach any of these persons later on and go through what happened years ago? Getting some kind of conclusion, would it help or make things worse? You are very brave to talk these and other personal issues publicly without hiding behind anonymity.
Where can i find girls like you? Girls in the Netherlands think they are perfect. I need you guys, you guys are the sweetest most loyal people on this planet!
It's going to be okay, everything is going to be okay in the end. You've been through so much and overcome it. You are stronger than all you've been through, so use it like armor. Use your experiences like armor, and nothing greater than that you have already conquered can hurt you.
U mentioned trying CBT, but that type of therapy isn't great for people with childhood trauma. You should look into psychodynamic, EMDR or somatic therapy!
When you are having times when feelin really low, crying, hating your appearance can you analyze and separate what is causing it. Is it because of bullying, people mistreating/ignoring you, BDD or are they all tangled into one giant vine squeezing life out of you?
If you have difficulties to look yourself while checking video and since you have pleasant voice, could podcast type of approach work better (still using YT platform). Video part could be about cat laying on bed or slideshow of art and crafts you have created?
I was abused by my parents, poor, and than abused by everyone for the rest of my life for being ugly af... life is hell, it's like a nitemare I'm sorry but mine really is, and it never gets better, I even got a nose jjob and it didn't change anything
It started with acne with me as a teenager. Now I have ice pick acne scars on my face especially on my nose and it's disgusting. I also have eczema and lichen simplex chronicus on my legs, arms and back. I HATE my skin. I am ugly.
i have no idea why people think the middle child has it the worst, in reality it's always the oldest. they fuck you up the worst then try to do better with the other kids and pretend you don't exist, you're just the first draft.
I hope one day you find a partner who will give you all the love in the world. ❤ Sadly most disorders all go back to the beginning Check out the song Hollow Girl which is at start of tv series The Bridge
The reason imo why your dad gave your stepmom a pass everytime was because she was giving him what he wanted in the bedroom. Men can be blind when women do that.
I have a Yung child going through cancer, she will make it through everything and so will you. Just know you are wonderful. I have had friends talk like this, even myself it's a dark space. Always around if you ever need someone to talk to. Much love mate.
Honey, your parents and family failed you. Everything you said is completely true. I’m older and have the perspective from a similar childhood and young adult life. Please reach out to me if you can. There’s a lot of great things coming for you in the near and long term.
She tried climbing over a fence to get in a swimming pool that was in an apartment her friend was staying at. She said he lost the key to get in. She ends up jumping from the fence instead of falling leading her to snap both ankles like Rice crispy treats, lol.
