Classics Summarized: The Iliad 

The whole Greek army shares one brain cell Odysseus and Diomedes share it for most of the time

Achilles: * dragging hectors dead body around Troy *. Everyone else: “weird flex but ok”

Aphrodite is basically the Tumblr fan girl who ship characters based on nothing beside being hot. EDIT: I changed it back, got tired of my joke.

I love how achilles is wrapped up in a burrito and It's canon because that one vase painting showing off his sulking is achilles rolled up in blankets like a mad burrito

Apollo: "Step off kid some of us gods are sturdier than aphrodite." Also Apollo: *Gets chased by Achilles because Achilles feels like it.*

*Zeus:* I love all my children equally. Athena, Heracles, Perseus... (looking at smudged writing on hand) Arse...

so now Ares hurts on the outside ANd the inside Same

Patroclus was a quite skilled fighter. He made the Trojans run back to their gates, killed several of their warriors and he seemed as he would have taken Hector down had Apollo not intervened and clouded his senses. He also had decent medical skills, all his comrades loved him because he was a sweetheart and he was probably the only man who treated Brisyes as a human being and not as a property. Brisyes only talks once in Iliad: when she saw Patroclus' corpse and started mourning him. All in all, Patroclus was more than a plot device and Achilles' boyfriend.

I love how Odysseus’ headband is always flowing in the wind even when he is in doors

Let us all give thanks to _Troy_ for being awful and making Red start hand-drawing animatics for all her videos on this channel.

Zeus: hera, can we have kids. Hera:we have kids at home Kids at home: ares

Fun Fact: The ‘Achilles heel trope’ aka Achilles weakness because he was dipped into a river to make him immortal, but his heel wasint was NOT in the original writing and was made up as sort of a fan AU by the other Greeks to explain why Achilles was so strong. Achilles was just naturally gifted, in the original Greek writing of the Iliad he dies from an arrow in his back by Paris that shot into his heart, not his heel. I was surprised when I read the Greek version of the Iliad because Achilles Heel is such an iconic part of his character in modern days, turns out it’s not true. See? Even the Ancient Greeks had headcanons to their favorite stories.

“Hetero life partner” is that what the kids are calling it these days?

I love Achilles so much in this book, considering the fact he spends 90% of the story doing actually nothing.

Troy Story *flashes to Trojan Horse* You've got some men in me.

The three types of historians: "Achilles and Patroclus were just friends." "They were gay." "They were GAY."

Something I can see Achilles doing: Whaddup guys it's Achilles and today we're going to talk about why you shouldn't let your boyfriend wear your clothes!

Someone: Gen Z is the gayest generation Me, equipped with the knowledge this video provided: *You fool*

i didn't cry for three hours after reading the song of achilles to be told by historians that achilles and patroclus were straight

The fact that all the main Greek heroes minus Achilles help protect Partocles body is so wholesome

"Troy Story" You've got a friend in horse

Red literally anywhere else: "Patroclus + Achilles = True Love" Red here: "Achilles goes 'My Hetero-life partner, No!!!' "

Diomedes: Fights the literal god of fighting and wins. And he DOESN'T get to be the new God of War?

ok WHO PISSED OFF APOLLO _SO MUCH_ THAT WE GOT _ANOTHER_ PLAGUE- edit: the replies are priceless-

"Then Achillies gets sidetracked chasing apollo because all the best hero's have ADD" *looks at Percy*

"Now Ares hurts on the inside, and the outside!" I relate,,

Chibi Athena with the "Your the Best, Around" line was the cutest thing imaginable.

I read this book as a kid, or at least a heavily abbreviated version (I highly doubt I read the whole epic). The bit that stands out for me is Achilles killing so many people the river god gets angry at him. How many people do you have to kill before the *terrain* feels you're being excessive?

I can't handle people straight up calling Patroclus and Achilles "Besties", it's just fucking hillarious

The Trojan War: A literal ship war.

3:56 I love that Dionysus is just passed out drunk on the floor. Also you should make chibi Olympian plushies. I'd buy one.

Red: "Zeus likes nothing better than screwing with mortals" Me: "I don't believe I remember the word 'with' in the original text"

Fun fact: Golden Apple translates in Hebrew to “Orange”. This whole war started because of an orange. Think about that

"all the best heroes have ADD" see also: Percy Jackson

I love how Ajax The Lesser is just a tiny chibi clinging to The Greater's helmet XD

Achilles filled a river with so many bodies the River got pissed and attacked him. So Achilles beat it up until it left him alone......just wanna make sure I heard that correctly. 'Cause that's epic.

Historians when having to explain Patrochilles' actions as Totally Heterosexual: I couldn't save my hetero lifepartner so imma let myself get killed

Book 19 is more like Achilles: I will go fight to avenge my dear friend now Odysseus: But you haven't eat breakfast yet Achilles: And? Odysseus: ... please eat Achilles: *nO* Zeus; This is so saD, Athenna, go feed them

Instead of "Zeus screwing with mortals" It's really "Zeus screwing mortals"

"I have actual cognitive faculties, quite rare among this army" - says Odysseus, and Homer's verses in a nutshell.

Just saying that Achilles "burritoed himself in a blanket" sulking somehow makes Achilles insanely cute. lolz.

Athena: You know, we could probably solve this in 5 minutes by telling them this was Aphrodite doing her ships again. Ares: Where's the fun in that?!!

I am here after reading “The Song Of Achilles” such a good book. So emotional, intense, and gay. 😭

Ah yes, the male counterpart to r/SapphoAndHerFriend, Achilles and his Cousin

I want my own Mini Shoulder Athena plushie.

The Illiad was a DnD session with Homer the DM having to use divine intervention over and over again to bail out his dumbass players. Poor Achilles rolled a nat 1.

1:56 “And refuses to come out for anything” Years later: We’ll I’m a big gay and I’m coming out as the biggest gay in the world.

I believe that once Achilles learns about Patroklos' death, he actually runs towards the Trojans naked, which freaked them out so much they all fled

“Patroclus and Achilles are gay,” I say into the mic. The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence in the room. “They’re right,” they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the third row stands: Hector himself

Aphrodite = every shipper ever

Okay okay- but imagine a modern day alternative universe or a reincarnation Au Patroclus : why don't you let me borrow any of your clothes ? Achilles : *war flashbacks*

You missed the most important part where Priam goes to Achilles to beg for his son Hector’s body so he can bury him properly and say goodbye. Achilles is so moved by this that his anger subsides and he agrees. The epic essentially begins with the line, “ let us speak of the rage of Achilles”. More or less. Achilles spends nearly all of the story mad at Agammenon, pouting in his tent, ticked off about his girlfriend being held hostage, letting his boyfriend die and killing as many Trojans as possible before finally killing Hector, desecrating his body. Even after this he is still angry til Priam comes to beg his favour. Achilles rage dissolves. In a sense the Iliad is about the destructiveness of senseless anger that can only be defeated by love. If this was not the theme then I doubt the Iliad would be so revered.

Am i the only one that chibi athena is adorable.

"What information, you just cut off his bloody head!" "War has changed." This part made me choke a little.

“my hetero life partner” is the new no homo

Ah yes, Achilles and Patroclus were truly best bros. Everyone has gone on a *rampage tearing through an entire army, almost singlehandedly ending a war, dragging the man who killed then around a city 3 times to assert dominance* Everyone has done that for their best buddy o chum

"The other two contenders for the golden apple were Athena and Hera, who you'd think would have better things to do." LMAO 😂😂🤣🤣

“my hetero life partner” achilles and patroclus? hetero? that’s a good one

8:51 I find that often in Greek Mythology is that these instances are very common. Ares tries to do the one thing he was literally born to do, (insert literally any god here) tells Ares that nobody likes him and that he’s a disappointment and while not a mistake he is usually told he’s a regret, Ares then proceeds to become sad at the fact nobody seems to like Ares, despite the fact when compared to the likes of Zeus, Poseidon, Herakles, Athena, Artemis, Apollo, and basically any other Greek god, except Hestia and Hades, he’s the personification of politeness, kindness and generosity. Seriously nobody likes Ares and it’s actually really sad. Also keep in mind I said compared to, don’t get me wrong Ares has done some very bad things, but when compared to his fellow deities, well he’s a sweet boy by comparison.

"MY HETERO LIFE PARTNER" Uh, sorry Achilles, I couldn't hear you from so far back in the closet. (That is the single best phrase I've ever heard someone describe Patroclus as. My Hetero life partner is pure gold.)

I love the way Red portrays the gods here. Aphrodite the shipper, Athena the hypeman, and Ares the disappointment to his father are all hilarious.

**Sees a video of the Iliad (Ιλιάς) by a barbarian foreigner that is actually decent and summarises everything in 12 minutes** As a Greek, I approve 👍.

Everyone is talking about my boy Plato shipping Patroclus and Achilles but we also have to remember his rival: Aeschylus, who thinks that Achilles is the top and says so in his play "Myrmidons" which is now, unfortunately, a lost text, although we still have fragments of it (so I recommend you still read it, just for curiosity's sake)! Plato says in his Symposium that Aeschylus was wrong in assigning the protector role to Achilles and that Achilles is a definite bottom. Basically, this is the equivalent of modern-day fans fistfighting it over in the parking lot about who tops and who bottoms (which is both hilarious and great).

Normal people: Cry me a river Achilles: *fill me a river -of dead trojans*

"Zeus, as you know, loves screwing with mortals" It so true, you can say it in any context it will always work. Edit: Just realized it is the 666th comment. I feel like it is becoming a trend. I wonder what it all means ?

Not sure if people pointed it out but the main theme of the Iliad was essentially about Achilles coping with the death of his best friend. He does many things e.g. killing more Trojans, dragging Hector's corpse around, even burying his best friend, but it never found him peace. What gave him peace was when Hector's father snuck in to Achilles' camp and begged him to let him bury Hector. That moment when he begged, kissing Achilles' feet and weeping in tears was the most important scene in the story. the Iliad ends before Achilles was killed.

We watched the clean version in English class and were laughing our butts off XD Especially Achilles and his "Hetero buddy"

The sheer power of the rainbow quotations around Patroclus and Achilles is both incredible and mind boggling how people still think these to were ‘just really good friends’.

Oh god, the Illiad. How many chapters of that story are devoted simple to introducing things? Ch. 1: Here's all the peoples! Ch. 2: Here's all da boats! Ch 3: Here's some more peoples!

"Hetero life partners" Didn't Patroclus give Achilles a handy on at least 2 seperate occasions?

"Man up you Gigantic Disappointment!" I could not have summed up the relationship of Zeus and Ares better myself

Achilles- Spends 99% of the book sulking in a blanket burrito until he FINALLY gets up and fights. Famous for having invincibility with a strange weakness that was actually added into the story much later. Actions inconvenience all his friends and even prays that the gods will make his friends lives worse out of spite for one guy. Diomedes- Takes up the slack when Achilles is playing hooky. Canonically blessed by Athena with magic eyesight. Had Athena act as his chariot driver at one point. Wounded Two Olympian gods but was smart enough to not push his luck. Goes on a stealth mission with Odysseus to steal a magic statue so powerful that Tony Stark named the stuff that powered his tech after it! Everyone- Wow Achilles is such an awesome hero! Let's name a tendon after his infamous totally cannon weakness! Diomedes needs more appreciation!

I love how Odysseus is basically Solid Snake in Greek armor!

Why does RU-vid keep recommending me this *I ONLY WATCHED IT 10 TIMES*

2:00 see, this is the answer to everything: Sad: burrito Angry: burrito Not wanting to fight because your general is a jackass: burrito Duvet/blanket/cover-of-somekind fix everything

5:26 Fun fact: Zeus actually tells Ares straight to his face that he hates him the most and that if he weren't his son, he'd be in a position worse than the Titans by now

Patroclus x Achilles all the way man. Ship ship ship ship ship

Our English teacher showed us this in class omg XD

Did you seriously skip over the *most imporant scene in the Iliad*!?! The entire story is a buildup to Priam meeting with Achilles to beg for Hector's body. It's literally what the entire epic is about. The Trojan war is a non-stop cycle of violence that keeps getting more and more intense and personal, culminating in Patroclus' death and Achilles going apeshit. He slaughters hundreds of Trojans in an attempt to find peace from the guilt he feels over Patroclus. He fights gods and a goddamned river, but he doesn't find peace. He kills Patroclus' killer and drags his corpse behind a chariot, and still doesn't find peace. He gives Patroclus a funeral worthy of a king, burning a mountain treasure with his body to show how much he loved his bro, but doesn't find peace. Only when old Priam, King of Troy, and Hector's father, sneaks into the Greek camp, ninja's his way into Achilles' tent, kisses his hands and begs for his son back, does Achilles finally find peace. Not from glory or slaughter, but through forgiveness and mutual respect. *THAT* is what the Iliad is about; human decency in the face of inhuman savagery.

I love how in Percy Jackson they say that the gods can't directly interfere with their kid's lives but Achilles prays to his mom (who isn't even a major god) to convince Zeus to mess the whole war up.

Achilles: I don't want to go out there and fight for Agamemnon! Patroclus: *that meme of one of the Kardashians saying 'Kim, there's people that are dying'*

*bRoThErLy AfFeCtIoN* bRo the-ErLy aF EreCtIoN

New titles for the Iliad trilogy: Troy Story 1: The Woman War Troy Story 2: Poseidon's Vendetta Troy Story 3: The Plagerized Italian

My Latin II teacher exclusively calls this book the “hissy fit of Achilles”

I almost spat out my water when Aphrodite said "Now kiss"

These videos are absolutely hilarious - I love them! And I love the drawings!! I'm really glad you decided to branch out and do classics because I'm currently obsessed with the Iliad (I had to read it for a humanities class, fell in love with it) and nothing has made me happier today than this video :) The only thing I found funny (and this is not intended as a criticism, including it is totally valid) was your choice to include Achilles' death, which isn't actually in the Iliad. The Iliad ends with Hector's funeral - still though like I said totally valid I just thought that was interesting. I can't wait to watch more of these :D Subscribed, instantly.

"Somewhere between two hundred and too many!" is a brilliant expression. I am hereby stealing it!

6:36 *poeple who read The Song of Achilles* SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY

Ah, the video that started the whole anime Chibi story telling format I love this channel for.

Anyone else read The Song Of Achilles? No? Ok, I'll just sob to myself in the corner.

“Hetero life partner”. Yeah, sure. THATS what their relationship was. Certainly not romantic in any way at all.

This is even funnier paired with Epic: the musical. 🤣

So if there is an Ajax the Greater and an Ajax the Lesser, does that mean there's an Ajax the Meh... He's Okay

Wait could Paris have just cut the golden apple into three pieces and give the apple slices to Athena Aphrodite, and hera?

*Careless Whisper intensifies* Damn Achilles

I really feel sorry for Patroclus. He seemed like such a nice guy. What did he see in Achilles?

I hope Odysseus doesn't cut himself on all that edge.

“Agammemnon Is injured.” HA. Nice.

So the illiad is just Achilles staying in his tent threatening to call a Uber

I just want to thank Red for making this video. Because of her, "I only promise to try" has become an official part of my lexicon.