Codependency Will Screw Your Life Up Until You Wake Up 

My Dad lives in his trauma, I had to admit that the parent I thought protected me from my Mom was actually just as abusive, in fact worse. He taught me to be a victim and protect him instead of myself.

Once I truly observed that their projections were their own confessions, it made it SO much easier to detach. These confrontations STILL take energy to get through, and recovery takes time, especially if your nervous system is rattled after one of these encounters. Thank you Lisa, for all that you do.

I had no idea I was victimized, until I started studying what kids need growing up. I understand I should know how to get out of victim role, I’m studying as fast as I can. I was raised by a sociopath and a covert malignant sex addict narcissist. My Dad makes no sense to me, he does twist everything and I am working on my triggers so I can not give in to being “the crazy one”. Im trying to protect him but he is doing everything to keep me isolated and no idea of true reality. Im so grateful for google and you tube and you. Especially because you having been through the realization of the way out and not react. You’ve helped me block my Dad’s attacks and gaslighting and stop ending up in bed, to terrified to move due to lack of knowledge of healthy behavior.

I was always made fun of by siblings when I pointed to the narcissistic focus of our parents! Even now 50 years later - I remember and feel that shame. But I’m learning to boundary them !! Keep it up Lisa. Help us take only reasonable responsibility! For ourselves!!!! Not others.

Thx for another great vid Lisa! Victimhood is not easy to accept as with it comes shame and humiliation. I've come to learn that emotional abuse may actually be more devastating than physical abuse. With physical abuse, victimhood can more easily be accepted because the scars are visible. However, having to accept victimhood when there is no visible damage, is what makes emotional abuse more insidious. Again, great topic.

I grew up not knowing what I felt. I knew I wasn’t stupid, yet I felt invisible. Oh well. I am closer to death than beginning my life, so I just do the best I can. Love my grand children, like you love yours, Lisa. 🙏🏼❤️

I grew up with an alcoholic father, he was a war veteran who also suffered from ptsd (having flashbacks, going into rages; it was that or he was absent with a hangover). As kids we had to be quiet, couldn't zap while wachting tv, everything would set him off. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. My mom remarried someone who I think also had alot of trauma and also rages alot. His first wife passed away and only 1 year later he got together with my mom. His 2 kids were a bit older than my sister and me; they couldn't accept my mom and took it out on us; it was very chaotic, there were always fights, my stepbrother got physically violent but it was my stepsister that was sent to a home for difficult teens, because of her borderline (?) When we would try to tell my parents what he did to us, there were never consequenses. They simply didn't believe us. We also had to sleep in his room; who would let their two daughters sleep in the same room with this agressive teenage guy? My sister remembers some things he did to us, that I really can't remember and that terrifies me :( I'm almost 30 years old now and have had therapy for about a year now. I always thought the difficulties in my life came because of my dad's alcoholism and all the violence. But I'm seeing more and more how my mom (who I thought was co-dependent and didn't stand up for herself) really neclected us emotionally. I'm experiencing the things in my friendships now; as much as I want to have close friendships, I still get excluded or made fun off or shamed when I try to explain how it's making me feel. My 'best' friend told my that she thinks I'm having 'such a victim mindset'. My therapist told me that she thinks my friendgroup doesn't sound like a safe group at all. And that the way I talk is how all victims talk: no matter what other people say or treat me; the first thing I do is doubting myself and then I blame myself. Maybe my friend has got a point..maybe I am having a victim mindset? I need to get over it and stop being so dramatic. But that's exactly how my mom reacted...

Truly said. In blaming and shaming your fellow victims, you have taken on the mantle of the narcissist because that is how they act and that is how they live, within a life, a soul of inadequacy, hate and shame causing them to blame others. I find it necessary to not read small trite sayings because in emotional abuse I have found that the wounds go so much deeper than we will ever know. It is truly like peeling back an onion. The deeper you go, the more you understand the depth of your wounds , the more you begin to understand the profundity of where those roots of the abuse that you have suffered go to and only by digging deep into your painful situation will you heal. While a small saying may help to encapsulate an understanding, it does nothing to heal the reason you are where you are, but instead shifts your mind into a deep well - how can I now mold myself to that. No, we mold ourselves into the healing person which takes time and work and the depth of that experience is probably lifelong. Healing is a lifelong experience.

Thank you so much, last may I finally got out of this abusive relationship, but I'm still struggling to keep him out of my mind. I finally realized that I've projected my father in him. My father was a narcisist and I was raised in an abusive home. This guy reminded me so much of my father, I didn't want to get involved with him at first, but he was so persuasive, that I gave in. I thought I was healed from my father's grip, but now I realise that it is not true. I'm about to turn 50 and I could never get married, I have problems dealing with guys, I'm afraid of getting lost in a relationship, but everytime I give some guy a chance the story repeats itself. I can't stand it anymore. Its awful

Another wonderful, healing message. For me, what you say, what you are communicating, resonates on a deep level, cuts to the heart, and brings peace and calm. I want you to know that every day, I am grateful for you, and send you my gratitude, love and light, and ask that all Light surrounds you, as I know it does because of the message of truth and healing you are imparting. Thank you for showing up and being a channel of love and peace!

I am so grateful you are sharing your path as it reminds me of mine. I really want an authentic loving and accountable self, who is safe for others and safe from others gaslighting or manipulation. I thought I had to heal them while growing up, now I understand I get to heal me and not live as a servant or sacrificial lamb or have to become the predator. I’m glad there is a world based in love and joy instead of hate and lies. That I can break free, even if it means accepting the truth I tried so hard to get away from as my parents are idolized by the community yet did it for adoration and control, not out of love for humanity. They hated people , I don’t want to hate. Myself or anyone else.

Lisa, you have taught me “how to recognize that I am a codependent & my empathy (though a wonderful part of me) I've given over to the wrong individuals & used to exploit me). I now realize that (yes) I was a victim tracing back to my childhood that set me up with these Narcissistic people throughout my adulthood (repeating the pattern over & over again). Now (thanks to this last Narcissistic relationship) I had the spiritual awakening & the courage to walk away from that dynamic. Your teachings & insights have taken me to a new level of self-care on a daily. I have such gratitude (you “dear one” make such a valuable life-changing impact) you're cherished ❤️

Thank you so much!! Acknowledging I was a victim but also seeing my part is what I’m doing. The most difficult part of this journey is finding out who I am. The distraction of people pleasing and caretaking keeps the pain at a distance of not knowing who I am. I’m working on it though….

I was abused by both parents and older brother for almost 50 years, until I told them I was done and cut off all contact. I will Never say that I'm a victim, that was their BS. They were always the victim and I'm sure still are the victims. I do admit to myself and others that there was abuse and it was all really messed up, but I am a Survivor! I survived all of it and I've never treated anyone the way they treated me, and others, especially my children. I agree with everything that you're saying except saying that I was a victim. I am a SURVIVOR!💪💖🙏 Thank you for what you do to help everyone Lisa. You are appreciated.✌️🤠

That's because denying your trauma is perpetuated by people who make comments that people shouldn't "see themselves as victims", those people are driven by their egos and not seeing through a lens of compassion. Well that could be an assumption. Yes. We all can make assumptions or we could see through a lens of compassion. Recognizing trauma is a starting point. Not a life sentence.

One of the hardest things I had to accept during my recovery was that I was a victim of abuse; because along with that acceptance came the guilt and shame of trying to understand how I didn't know this was happening to me sooner. Lisa through your teachings, however, I do understand now my role in my toxic marriage and how I got there. Through my recovery I have learned the gift of forgiveness of myself and others. Although I will never forget forgiveness allowed me to move from a victim, to a survivor and to what I now proudly identify with as a thriver. 💛 Lisa your dedication to this community makes such a huge difference in helping all of us to become further awakened and aware. Thank-you!🙏🕊️💪

I have lost everything. I’m saving myself fine. Just back in the Stone Age. Sorry to hear the trauma you went through.

Lisa, it is hard but I finally accepted it. Unfortunately the country I am in has no well based protection system. I continue being punished and charged for the things I am not guilty in. Thank you for your channel and Instagram posts. I really appreciate them. Help a lot. :-)

you're the best...shine on...from brisbane Q

I will always be a survivor not a victim, I was and still very lucky too get away form the narc , some aren't so lucky, to the empaths arm yourself with narc education, a live changing education .

Good morning. I agree 100%. I bought the book which my Therapist highly recommended. I have met so many codependents in my life that I could write a book. I never realized that all these people were nsrcs. I never advertised to any of my friends that I was studying codependency or learning about narcissism to help myself. My friend, who at that time was in Therapy for "ACOA."(Adult children of alcoholics). She would call me when she felt down, etc. One night at Christmas party, she TOTALLY ignored and abandoned me & our long time friendship. I called her aside to ask her WHY are you avoiding me, what happened? She yelled in my face. BECAUSE YOU INTIMIDATE ME! It seems like my knowledge and studying made her think that I was ABOVE her. How wrong she was. Bcse I was reading self help books, she cried in my shoulder MANY times, she thought I knew more than her. I heard thus AFTER she broke ties with me. She is distorted and very defensive. All I did was talk to her as a friend, not a Therapist. We never saw each other again. Great topic!

My father knew my mother was verbally and emotionally abusive to me as a child. He acknowledged this years later. In a way it's harder to forgive him because he knew what was happening and he chose to do nothing.

Lisa, you’re an amazing and courageous human being. You have quite literally saved my sanity. I’m separated from an emotionally abusive and unfaithful spouse and so grateful for the opportunity to breath, reflect, heal, and reset my life in my mid 50s. I just finished part 10 of your 12-part audio series. You are a blessing!

This might sound weird but, I am so jealous of people who have never been abused, they will never know what it's like to go thru hell.

You are a great teacher. I wish continued success to all who find meaning here. I do. Thank you 🕊

i wish i would have heard this like 25 yrs ago, my life and kids lives have been like so messed up mostly because ive kept trying to luv n forgive a lady that fits all the narcistic and bpd or covert narcist, after being physically but mostly attacked legally, inc restraining orders accusing me of molesting my daughter, the stress and pain led me to opioid addiction i was working as an RN and had access to meds, its what kept me from loosing it totally, now im better but until i prayed to God to remove the romantic feelings for this person it didnt get bettr, i now try to keep it on a just friendly level to avoid problems, its so much i endured for like 25 yrs, including her having been with over ten guys, and me nada she kept me so busy with court mostly custody and then getting back with me after her other relationships fell out , that i never was able to get involved with another lady plus my self esteem and likfe in general was so shot that ive not been in a serious relationship for 25yrs!! and now she took my daughter to another state gaining custody by smearing me, even to my child, but slowly im building my relationship with my daughter and shes realising mom has alot of issue and inconsistencies!

Notes from this video: You need to STEP IN YOUR POWER... you cannot blame no one any more for anything you need to do what you want to do because it's your life after all. Abuse goes on and on and people make you feel crazy about what's going on with you you'll feel like you're losing your mind. You are not meant to be on this wheel this loop of bull crap that you are in whether it's your family or brother or everything you can free yourself and anytime. You are not here to convince someone that you have a right to feel how you feel. You are here to ruminate on bullshit of the past FOR SHO NOT FOR THAT... Life is for thriving and living as well as you can for as long as you can. Trauma is darkness get out of the dark. Acknowledge that you were a victim. If you come from a home where you were denied neglected and ignored YOU DON'T GOT A SENSE OF SELF. You are a shell of who you are until you decide not to be. And not like what you do... Like who you really are...but your understanding of self will get better if you stay dedicated selfhood. If your family or anyone tries changing your belief REJECT IT stand firm in your beliefs. You need to protect the "self" at all COST The goal is to NOT FOCUS ON OTHER PEOPLE COMPETELY DO NOT FOCUS ON OTHER PEOPLE. NEGATIVITY WILL THRIVE IF YOU ENTERTAIN IT. acknowledge you were a victim and work through it and get out of that mindset. With narcissistic people they rationalize being irrational and drive you crazy with their logic especially if you're an empath and you're highly emotional Remember that you are overcoming codependency and dramas not to use it over against people that have given you trauma but to live life with more tools to protect yourself when meeting unknown people. It's all about the power of navigating relationships and to spot and disarm narcissistic people

OMG Lisa, l think we were brought up in the same household! thank you so much for this content, I’m a work in progress. There’s been some progress just not sure how to work my way out. I know I can, I have before, unfortunately. I am in need of some specific help however, not sure where/who to turn to. Its a scary position to be in. I WILL get better, of this I am sure!!! Again, thank you!💙

Lisa, you really opened up a thought pattern for me when you said you’re living, unaware that that’s how you’re living because that’s all you know I thought I had things figured out and the reality is I’m not even close

27 minutes very well spent. I can say I was a victim without carrying forth that victimhood

It’s true Andrea but as a child of two narcissists it takes a long time to understand I need to take responsibility omg.. it was personal and many scapegoats have cptsd. I was 44 when I understood my mother was a covert codependent! It’s only until we access therapy or educate ourselves. Please don’t victim blame even though you were not intentionally. Love to everyone xx

😥I realized what a shell I am. Just when I think I have an idea of who I am and have it all under control , something happens that lets me know I am far from unlearning seeking validation from anything outside of me. It is so deeply routed in me it scares the crap out of me. I find solice in my awareness of it. 😔

See the thing is, when you talk about 'vomiting own frustration on people near you, getting mad and hurt how people treating you'...its always reminds me of myself. I have been that mom who used get frustrated on my children, but I was aware of it always. Felt stuck, lost didn't know what to do. I still wonder if I am that narcissist. But deep down I crave love, authenticity, bonding.

people in my life never understood that me and for a time my brother were truly victims, we were wronged and brutally so, it's got nothing to do about playing victim card or avoiding responsibility, we were opressed, made small by someone more powerful, bullied, cornered, how do they not get this... when 9 year old kid gets beat and i mean physicaly and psychologicaly he can't go like:" i got enough abuse i'm moving away from this toxic relationship" give me a break, but they still go on like:" oh you poor slob you got wronged huh" these degenerates are completely relentless and biggest problem is there is shite ton of them. Theres the abusers then flying monkeys, enablers, by-standers list goes on and on all none of them are even close to being in touch with reality

For me it helps to specify that I have been Victimized and the Abuser made the Choice to be abusive. That way I can detach from identifying as a victim.

Lisa you are such a blessing, you are past by negative remarks, one thing that has helped me was a pastor once said, if someone sends you something negative because you will know in the first line, just destroy it, you don't need to know what a person thinks of you, the only thing it will cause is for you to wrestle with what they think, even when someone tries to bring me negative info, I stop them immediately, I am an Empaths, highly sensitive 🥺 so I try protect my heart. Thanks for your platform here on Facebook you and other have really caused me to grow

Sometime I do believe I have to convince people I have a right to feel like I feel.

Illuminate or regurgitate-- the choice is ours. Thank you for this Lisa.

I knpw that mudhill all too well 20yrs later im still in that mudhill but its a softer fall now but no escape cos well money i dont know how tp make it

Accepting how my upbringing may have harmed me and even extending grace to my parents for being flawed ergo me being flawed has been freeing, once I get past the initial rejection of new information that further exposed the harm I experienced, it becomes easier to absorb and engage with this knowledge. You become less defensive and that's where the healing starts, that's also where the self compassion begins

Thank you for life saving and life changing advice. God bless you.

I love your videos! I hate all these advertisements, it's very frustrating to try to watch your videos when they are interrupted so often, especially when you're trying to watch them on a tablet in the bathtub and you have to continually skip advertisements. Lol

In family therapy, there was a therapist who asked me accusingly if I felt as if I was a victim, as if it was a bad thing. The narc I'm in therapy with was in the same room.

Oh this lets me know I'm learning more and more. I realize That I talk about my narcissistic husband too much. I've been taking steps to get away from him. Yes he has conditioned me to fear him. I found him watching porn and I decided I'm.not sleeping in the same bed so I'm having to live in the basement. I'm tired of pretending like things didn't happen to appease him because he rages if I try to hold him accountable. I appreciate all you share in your channel Lisa ❤️

This video came at the perfect time. Love you Lisa!

Healing, recovery, repentance, forgiveness alllll start with X happened.

Thank you Lisa, you made my Friday night, still escaping and this was really apt ❤️🌹

Lisa, I feel this discussion was a slight departure from your usual teaching. I thought you went a bit easy on the commenter who, in my opinion, just doesn't get it. Thank you for all you do. You have been an enormous help to me.

Wen u escape and financially independant ur 20yrs of suffering u just want to give them a real ef u for keeping me in ptsd etc one day ilb b rich enough to do that hun through my art etc

🌻

4:41, 5:10 absolutely, have to remember. I still trying to convince people in my mind that I am allowed to feel what I feel. But what one could do when they themselves never been authentic to themselves. Its mind crumbling.

In Spirituality I Learnt That If We Change Our Nature Not Just Our Behaviour. That It Changes Our Ancestral Line. Pretty Awesome Thought. I Think It's Rare Though. Looking Around. But That's What We Are working Towards If We Really Want A Better Reality. Our Nature Is Our Reward Or Our Punishment. They Are Saying.

This is me. 3 marriages all the same

When I was in therapy in my 20s, my big issue was to accept that the abuse I experienced was abuse, or that the rejection, neglect, lack of involvement, or indifference of my parents was a real thing, too. I didn't want to admit that my mother was as bad as she was. I didn't want to admit the family drinking was as bad as it was. Getting reality about that is difficult to do. The German therapist now are saying that as children when we are put in a life and death fear state our brains and bodies are in survival mode. When we come out of that if we don't get killed, we have to work out strategies to deal with our victimizer in the future not to set them off. Mine was not to speak back to the women in my household because that would bring on more retribution and more "unlove", not to admit that life was bad as it was, and this what family life was like. In the meantime, siblings were telling me that I was too sensitive, I needed to get over it, or I needed to put in the past. Irony to that, they didn't see how abuse affected them such as extreme phobias or introverted characteristics.

Amen Lisa..! ☺

#1--Andria must not have been literally stomped on by her father. #2-Andria must not have been sexually assaulted by her father as my sisters have. #3-Let us acknowledge that Andria didn't witness, at the age of 5, her father on top of her mother on the floor smacking her mother around. #4-Let us acknowledge that some of us have been programmed to do life, by sick people. #5 Let us acknowledge that some of us were terribly treated, and in many ways our childhood and innocence was robbed from us. #6-Let us acknowledge that we must learn, what we should have learned as children in-order to break the toxic patterns we have been taught. #6-Some of us have more work to do than others, Andria. Ontario Canada

And give them a taste if thier own disrespect etc

Yep insidious is the word.

Before i left my ex, i realized he was like my mother. Neglected me emotionally, i walked on egg shells, i craved to make his life easier and i invested so much energy for him to be a better man... but hey .... lesson learned

Thank u for the therapy i could never afford on 15k a yr hun way below 25k the poverty average surviving income etc thank goodness for shared houses etc

My tactic towards then now is saying u r giving me a headache,and i cant reason with bullies iguess

Family sets traps one after another ur the victim without realising it 20yrs effect time doesnt go backward blame away i say they deserve it playing with ur existence etc

Threats and banging on tables r born tactics of bullies

What do I do. I feel totally awful and alone. The people that post to love me don't.

I can admit I was victimized - but I will never assume the roll of a victim - - victim-hood is for narcissists -

I seem to be able to recognize that I am abused, but I've been a victim of men for so many years. I wish I'd quit being with these men.

I know what you meant, but I don’t think you used the word “ innocuous “ correctly. It means innocent/ harmless.

Merci !

I Cannot Quite Consciously Acknowledge That I Have Been Victimized. I Feel It Intensely. But I Can't Say It. Do You Think That's Why We Get Stuck In Rumination And Blaming The Other Stage?

I feel like I have passed my CO dependence and trauma on to my 2 sons who are grown with their own families and I say this because 3 years ago I moved in with my Youngest to have with the family and serve and there are 4 little girls involved and his wife and it changes the dynamics to the point of almost destroying our family and I didn't know it I was letting below the veil I didn't know it until it was almost no an atomic bomb so I moved out for a while and got a little more therapy and and I'm just wondering if it's possible that I did all of that and made myself a victim again what do you think it's a complicated Story that is the shortened version and I'm currently believe it or not living with them again and trying to resolve issues on my own to make me a better person I'm 70 years old I need to get this right

Can I ask. When you're Journaling until you hit a release, is there a certain way you're doing this? Or are you just writing until you feel a release within?

😊

U r enough but u need skills the younger the better etc as tome doesnt go backward they owe u the world that they robbed from u for me 20yrs ptsdness and im still here lols i laugh it of but wat can one do being broke etc

Ur a victims as a kid first and they like to keep u there infinitely etc no thank u for sure hun but they know how to manipulate u and ppl and sutiations around u hun like being drunk 247 but u dont drink etc they want u helpless where there lives matters and urs dont etc

U r at a loss a tier down from ur bullies thars how bullies win over u leverage,i love ur headache analogy but also have theskills to guard shield deflect callout monsters fir who they r bullies that r human as much as u r human but with bullying skillsets before uvknew u were in some sort of combat etc verbal physical traps and threats etc

See the wizard of oz hust human as u r but sneakyer

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💐🧚

Pass the buck so the nexr gen dont suffer unnecessarily cos bad eggs in the homefront etc

Thanks to 🔝🔝 It is heartbreaking that I had an intermittent relationship for 5 years with my ex-drug addict, to always forgive him and come back to him, so now I broke up after finding out he was a total cheater and flirting. i couldn't take it anymore, i had to uncover the truth thanks to 🔝🔝 who helped me gave me useful information which really proves he was a cheater and also a liar.

The way I've been quoted is inaccurate. I've used the pronoun WE, not you. The difference in meaning is substantial! There's no screenshot of my original quote in this video, yet the whole video is based on it. Unsubscribed.