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@@Cycology_Major😂 that's so hard i think they call it reactive abuse 🤔 blatant disrespectf his hard not to acknowledge im still working on that and i don't have to curse u out to do it but I think it's called Nice-Nasty yea I know 😒 working on it with that specific person tho i don't have this issue with anyone else honestly...but guess what he has this problem with damn near everybody that meets him including his family smh 🤦🏽♀️
Just leave the situation ASAP. If he calls, be polite, but busy doing your own thing for awhile. If he ghosts you, you have your answer. If he doesn't, make it crystal clear that ANY sort of abuse or dominance is unacceptable. If you don't, it will only escalate. Self respect, ladies! Or he won't have respect for YOU.
I really liked your comment. So me and that guy were kinda pals (nothing sexual happened between us) on the internet. we chatted a lot and stuff. it was fun. he treated me good but then i remember i had gotten really depressed and couldnt reply at all for maybe two months straight (i notified him that id gotten depressed and that i didn't have any energy to reply. he said that he understood me.) two months later i texted him a long ass message with a sincere apology. he once again understood that it was a necessity for me to take that long break and we began chatting again. everything seemed normal UNTIL he asked me for a call. we called over discord and we started playing an intellectual game while casually chatting. then he began reading my apology message with a really mocking tone. i thought wtf? but didn't say anything. i felt really embarrassed.. then he started to mock my moves in that game (i only learnt how to play it that time but he was a pro in it). he said i was dumb and my moves were dumb (not in a friendly or whatever way at all). i couldn't believe it... i wanted to end the call but i didn't. i was just too shocked. i tried to 'laugh it off' while being super embarrassed. this man is studying psychology. can you imagine this...
This. Just leave, ladies. The reason he's testing your boundaries to see what he can get away with is BECAUSE he has active plans to get away w/as much as possible in the future.
@@grapepale8446 Yes. He probably already had someone else, and was trying to hurt you and make you angry. Then, if you bailed, it's all your fault, you're the bitch, you're the one who left. It's a very old trick men use.
I had to tell my man he made me hate hearing my own name. Only using pet names when kind, but only using given names when angry is a trap many couples fall into. Its unintentional yet very caustic.
I’ve just been super sweet in return: “I don’t argue so I’ll talk to you later when you’re not in a bad mood.” Kissed him on the cheek while he was looking stunned, walked out the door, didn’t text for 2 days. He never pulled that again. With my kids dad (my ex), I just started telling him “you have no right to talk to me like that,” and walking off. I had no sense of myself when we were together, and he would start screaming at me when I started to cry. This new response has stunned him, and he’s actually apologized whenever I’ve had to say it. Love these other tips about asking them to repeat themselves.
If you’re in a toxic ABUSIVE relationship and you’re reading this, leave now! Cut him out, take a vacation. Don’t waste anymore time. An don’t take him back when he comes running because he will! Better men are literally everywhere, spend your time finding the right one instead of living with the wrong one.
@@Oshiiiiiiiiiiii I disagree. I am confident that the majority of guys are better men than my abusive alcoholic ex. Its also not my belief or experience that all men are toxic, abusive, bad people. So yeah I do think there are better men everywhere. However I acknowledge that your experiences and definition of a toxic relationship may differ to my own.
I didn't say you did, I said its not my belief or experience that all men are bad. Thus I cannot in good conscience state that there aren't better men (than a toxic/abuser) all around us. I disagree with your second statement also. I've had 3 good relationships, with good men. Just not the perfect man (for me.) That's my experience though, maybe I'm lucky? Maybe you have only experienced toxic relationships? As I stated, our experiences and definition of "better" and "good relationship" are likely different things. I will never believe that there aren't better men all around me because I have already met them. And that is the message I will take to other women that feel ugly, hopeless, controlled and trapped.
Total wrong advice! You’re not perfect so understand each other mistakes and try to reconcile as much as possible. Forgive and forget, we are all humans. Dont be narcissistic like this lady!
@@karthikbartha7210 You disgust me. You have no idea what I or any other woman (or man for that matter) in a toxic abusive relationship is going through. It's very clear that you don't understand what a toxic relationship is and have no place commenting on how other people should stick out ABUSE. You need to jump to 7:50 and learn the difference between healthy and toxic. Because I would never EVER advise a person to stay with a partner that is abusing them.
A guy friend I was getting to know slowly started being repeatedly disrespectful, so I told him the friendship wasn’t working for me. He called and apologized, so I felt bad, but it still doesn’t feel good to me. I expressed my concerns and boundaries, so guess I will see what he does, wish I had stayed stronger in my no, but letting him go and focusing on myself right now.
Good tactics - thanks! I usually stay silent when people are rude or say things I deem disrespectful. Often wondered if I should retaliate. Most of the time, it's not because I am quiet, but more because if I'm angry I take a longer time to think of a response (hence the silence) and in the end I end up saying nothing because I don't know what to say.
ME TOO you described me to a tee 🔥🔥🔥🔥 you could give me all the tips tricks and lines in the world to say but I just pray at the end of the day to maintain my cool when around them…because in the moment I cannot remember to do any of this crap 😢
Thank you. Your presentation style is easy for me to listen to, and that helps with comprehension. Your videos have been helping me handle recent issues in my 20 year marriage. I absolutely LOVE watching the play of emotion on my husband’s face when I respond differently. He is slow to learn, it’s true, but he learns! We hit rock bottom 3 years ago and nearly divorced. Your videos even came to my therapy appointments! I am still married and things continue to improve. I am always grateful to be reminded of my value, and you have given me tools to help others see my value. Again, thank you!
I'm shocked how a man was recently disrespectful to me via text whilst drunk. We had been dating for a few months. That was 4 weeks ago and have been no contact since. I'm confused why he never offered up an apology. I guess he'd rather be a coward & walk away rather than apologizing and making things right😢
If someone never apologises to you after being rude, it just means they’re not nice people so it’s good that you guys are not in contact and try to maintain it that way. Take care put yourself first don’t hurt yourself. ❤
@hiroxh6366 Shocking that someone could do something so cruel out of the blue & then ghost. Hard to wrap my head around. It's taking all my strength to avoid reaching out to him. At this point, it's too late. I was still hoping for the apology.
I don't know if he regrets that he didn't respect and treat me right, but I don't regret that I said he dosn't and I'm disappointed in him. Before that he's gone silent for 3 months and answered only when there was a big explosion and fire in his neighbourhood. The thing is he was my only friend and as autistic person with problems with social interactions it was especially hard to let him go knowing how much he meant to me.
I actually said to an ex-boyfriend when he made a very disrespectful comment I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that because that’s hurtful and I don’t want to see you that way. I’ve also used silence, and I feel like for most people that’s just the best thing is just to pretend like you didn’t even hear them. Asking them to repeat it, and then not responding is probably the most empowering one.
My ex would infrequently say something that caught me off guard, it was so out of the blue I would just be like a deer in headlights. Sometimes I would write it down and read it later and think, what the hell? I am more cognizant now of little nicks, and having someone repeat the comment, and letting it hang there, is a great tactic.
Flip flops or no, never run from a grizzly. They can run down a horse, so you don't have a chance of out running one. This may be one of the few times he has given indirect bad advice.
There’s the guy that I was in the talking stage that made fun of me, belittle me, called me out of my name, seemed very passive aggressive. I blocked him on all social media platforms, and number I will not tolerate someone like that.
I did the second way to respond to my niece when he was being rude cuz I asked him to sweep the floor as I washed the dishes. "Why can't she do it, it's a simple task." He said in a low voice, but I heard it. Then I asked him, "What did you say?" Then he became mute the rest of the night.
Best thing I’ve learned is to be okay with moving on, and living the best life meant for me. You are right, you give your power away every time someone disrespects us and we respond.. and it sure is hard to not throw sand in the sand box sometimes!😂 Thanks for the video, and the reminder.
I feel the same, but turns out I am too old and too tired even to walk away… maybe him not respecting me is a mirror of ways I an unconsciously not respecting myself? I cant walk away, fighting is useless because he is not even conscious of doing it and I am too exhausted… all I have left is to surrender and find ways I don’t see how to show some respect to myself
A problem with these suggestions is that the disrespectful bully is generally on the warpath and is out for blood. He wants a fight and will attack until he gets one; someone told me it was the only time he felt alive. One cannot just walk out when it's in a marriage with children, the forces pinning one in place are too strong - such as finances, nowhere to go, even the children's schooling and friends etc. I suppose, when the disrespect and bullying are continuous, that responding as advised in this video would be the way to cope, and would put a continuous psychological distance between the victim and the bully. It would be a holding manoeuvre until one could leave.
I started once watching your videos to improve my english - it became so much more with improving my relationship skills - way more important! I really love your clarity and your humorous stile! Your books are really good too! Thank you Gerd & greetings from Germany
Oh ! I used much harsher words then that, and then I cut him off. No contact, because I confronted and called out behaviors and he denied and said it was “just the way I was feeling” …this went on for 3 months. 😂 About 24 hours later I felt like a weight had been lifted. Free from the disrespect! I do not care what happens to him. I’m just glad he is gone! His energy was so negative. He is a covert or passive aggressive BPD. Such a twisted mind.
@christinefury1040 Good on you and I'm feeling extremely relieved about the ex-partner, as well as other abusive people, being out of my life, but did miss his lively presence at first. 🙂
@elisemiller13 I'm in my 60s now and had extremely abusive so-called partners while young, then one in my 50s, so can't be bothered anymore either! Mind you, I still get treated disrepectfully by other people, especially men, who say hurtful things about my looks etc, which is a clear sign to never speak to them again whenever possible. 🙂
He started silent treatment. He has not heard of me 10 months already. He never will. I don't care really but I wonder why he has not try to reach me out.
Good content, as always. A lot to process and to think about. I like that most things you mentioned also apply to many types of relationships, not only romantic ones. I use a couple of these techniques at work, and they're effective. Thanks, Brian.
Brian Nox …I think you are the best!!! Lots of experts out there but your manner, your knowledge & your you tube presentations for the public, your supporters & professional expert help is the Best!!!
Thanking You 👌✨️As Always you're videos not only give me such valuable insight... you always do these videos with much needed lighthearted examples... I too love it when you stay until the very end 😊 Hope you have a lovely day.
I don’t care who is disrespecting me, I will not only not tolerate it or let it slide, I will call them out and close the door behind me as I walk away. 👑
@elyzac333 I've learnt the extremely hard way that it depends on the person and situation because I've been physically assaulted by men AND women, including losing teeth, for standing up for myself! 🙁
my god, i thought that watching your videos is enough to have the necessary knowledge about men and relationship, but it's not true. because i watch your video and not a lot of information will stay with me, but when i read your book and spend time to think about what you wrote, it's much better. your book : fuck him, is just amazing , it's gold. thank you so so much for providing us with necessary knowledge about men and relationship. thank you for doing this.
I really need this advice 🙏 And that's what I'm doing...not going down to their level 👍☺️ But what if he still does it again and again after I have told him to stop 😢😢Thank you so much 🙏☺️🙏
...make it even more "meta" by insinuating they are "one of *those* people": "You know, there is *some* people, who don't have many friends for good reasons." then mic-drop and HOLD eye contact. Tho, DO be aware dudes and dudettes, if you're dealing with a possibly narcistically fragile ego, this might unleash a fit of pure rage. Stay safe!
My husband is a good man, but every now and then he has those childish tantrums, like something happens and he gets inpatient and overwhelmed and lashes out, and to tell you the truth, I never react by throwing a hissy fit, too. Simply because I hate conflict and it really looks to me like he still can't regulate his fellings, like, it's totally toddler-like, the way he does it. Usually I react by staying calm (a little cold even) and saying something like, mm-hm, okay. Or by saying, yes, please keep this up. And every time once his instant anger episode blows over he instantly regrets it (like he knows he's lost control) and tries to make it up by acting guilty about it 😅 I don't know where I got the chill gene from, like honestly, nobody in my family handles conflict this way, but I think it works. What do you think? Am I playing this game right? 😂 PS I think I will purchase your books soon. Very powerful and very useful content, and I love how how you throw a little bit of comedy here and there. Keep up the great work.
I don’t agree with your assessment of these type of abusive situations. Silence? Not a response. I say let him have it and walk away for good. It’s not going to improve so why hang around for more rudeness and bad behavior. If you wouldn’t expect HIM to put up with that type of stuff from you, then WHY stick around for more abuse from him? Blast his ass telling him off and never talk to him again. Don’t ever let yourself be a victim.
