Coping mechanisms and sexual abuse 

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Niamh, unfortunately, I think it's pretty impossible to heal/recover if you don't talk about it. Through sharing your story, you literally allow it to leave your body & mind. It doesn't mean you do it one time and your healed, but it is the first step. Sometimes it can be easier to share with a friend the first time. Though I do think it's important, and probably necessary, at some time work with a therapist who specializes in abuse. I've had clients who haven't told anyone before they shared with me. I recently shared a quote that said "you no longer have a secret, you have a story". This is why sharing with someone is so important. Secrets continue to perpetuate and grow shame. I know it can be incredibly scary. It is one of the most vulnerable, but also courageous things you will ever do. If you need help finding someone, I'd be happy to help you do a search in your area.

Hi, I think what matters a lot to me is that my family never understood. I shouldn’t have to keep justifying why didn’t I do this, or that, or why didn’t I say something. I’m really sensitive about it and I still feel blamed. I still keep trying to make family understand about abuse. My much older sister said to me, “Linda, I know you say it started at age 10 but couldn’t you have said no when you were 14 or 15. I can’t forget or bury the anger I feel about that comment. It sits with me throughout the years. I don’t want to feel anger and resentment. I just want to feel supported but I never was supported through sexual abuse. It caused a lot of damage. I was 10 when it started. He was my other older sisters fiancé and after he abused me I could not hurt my sister by telling my family because I couldn’t hurt her. By the time I was 14 he had done so much manipulating and white washing my mind that I was helpless. I don’t know if you can still reply, but maybe just writing it down will help in some way. I’ve never been able to trust a Man to not let me down again, and I married a Man who was a friend, and I’ve been lonely throughout my life. I push anyone away who says they have feelings for me because I can’t cope with the thought of being hurt. X

Peggy,I used to have really bad anxiety and other problems. The tools I am about to give you absolutely changed my anxiety and problems 100%. Try being of service to other people. Everyday ask yourself what you can do to help someone. That attitude of being of service to other people completely changed my problems. They just faded away.

I feel so calm when I listen to your voice despite very difficult subject ...... Very helpful information!

its really hard somedays and I mean really hard. my father molested me from the age of 7 to 16. i wasnt allowed to have a childhood. I stuffer from PTSD. I'll get mad so easily, I'll argue with my teachers for nothing.

You come off as a very soothing and trustworthy person, I can imagine you do well working with people who have lots of shame and attachment issues. thank you for the video 🖒

I am currently in the process of healing from abuse. This came up on my suggested videos and I took your name as a sign to take notice of. (my favourite song is about a lady called Peggy.) and I'm so glad I did. This is exactly what I needed to hear. It was very difficult, but needed. Thank you for making this.

Hello Peggy, I just watched this Video, again! It brings tears to my eyes. It feels great to hear you talk about how healing is available to me and those who struggle with childhood abuse, (Any abuse, in fact!) I appreciate your reaching out and saying how much you "believe" in all of use! Thank YOU! Colleen

Your deep voice express lots of experience with THIS matter or part of them still you seemed you trying to overcome them by inspiring others with their positive coping mechanism thanks for your post , bravery and time.

Interesting I never really aknowledge or excepted how much the abuse effected me by minimizing and excusing the amount of times and that it wasn't violent. The fact that I was only around 11 and enjoyed it really screwed my up as it was a family member I have always felt disgusted in my self even tho I was the victim. I am 54 and realize how much it has stolen from me in as much as I have never had a truly beautiful and nurturing sexual relationship with anyone in my life. I want to experience that one day. Thank you for this video.

I was good at avoiding the feelings. Even now I suffer from its made me hard for people to interact with, I have only recently gotten to where I express more than either anger or happiness.

Hello Peggy, Thank you so much for presenting this information about the coping techniques used after sexual abuse. My daughter was abused at age 5, by a 5 year old boy (although I didn't know about the boy's history, I feel responsible for leaving her in that situation). At that time, I was a nursing student and knew the signs of sexual abuse. She exhibited some of them so I had a talk with her, making sure to not prompt her for answers. I was very distraught, as any parent would be. But my emotions had gotten to the point where, at times I just would wail. This lasted about 2 weeks. My husband would take my daughter out, or I left the house so she didn't have to bear the responsibility of my feelings. I then came to the realization that I had repressed memories of my own abuse, and they all rushed back. I got treatment for her right away with an amazing therapist. She went back a few years later when I felt that she needed more therapy, and again on a couple of occasions while she was a teen. She now seeks treatment if she feels the need to (she is now 27). After the first round of therapy I was instructed not to bring the incident up to her anymore. I'm really not sure if that was the correct thing to do. I thought she might repress her experience as I did, then employ the unhealthy mechanisms that you've spoken about. I also wonder if she back then, and even now harbors feelings of resentment toward me because I personally didn't address any of her feelings (I also felt that being so close to situation might be detrimental, considering my raw emotions). When she became an adult I did approach her once about it. My intention was not to stir up memories and feelings. It was only to ask how she had been handling the situation, and if therapy was helping. Right away, she told me that she didn't want to talk about it. I'm hoping that I handled the situation correctly, both then and now, or if it would've better to address it with her at a younger age. I would also love to share your post, but I'm not sure if this is a good idea. I'd love to know your opinion on all of this (I see that you answer the coments here). Thanks so much! Kristen

This is so tremendously helpful! Thank you.

Thank you for all the videos Peggy. Ive had so many "aha" moments I cant count. I dont feel alone in my feelings and thoughts after hearing how common they are . I still feel embarrased and ashamed when I try to talk about it. Im really close getting the courage to seek help. I just get nervous to talk about it because my husband is the only one that knows. Im a newleywed and thankfully my husband has been so supportive.

thank you for this video, it was really helpful, i ve been avoiding dealing with this a long time but i think its time for me to do so. again thanks

this was very interesting and it will be very helpful to me. I look forward to listening to more from you .thanks you.

Thanks for posting! This video was extremely helpful.

You have explained people around me very well. As long as I can think, I have always taken abuse serious, but obviously was the victim of others denials. This was and still is a frustration.

What happens when you dont remember being sexually abused but feel strongly that something must have happened. A few days ago I had a nightmare, where I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a man in the darkness coming towards me, I knew he was going to molest me, I began to scream, but no voice would come out. I finally got a look at the man and saw it was my uncle and then I woke up. I had to shake it off because this dream seemed so real. Then I began to think about this uncle to try and remember if he ever touched me. What I do remember is that when me and my brother were little kids my uncle would always want us to go fetch him some beer from the basement and while down there we would see his display of naked women all over the walls. Me and my brother talked about it, and remember that my uncle would make us go down there everytime we came to visit and we would giggle about seeing all his porn. Im gonna have to post again because Im gonna get cut off.

Thank you for bringing all your wonderful videos with your beautiful wonderful personality,and your amazing work with all your great pertinent information to help understanding more about what really happened,and choices of help with what happened,and what can do to help me overcome humility,shyness,shame from all that happened,and to be able to talk about it all instead of avoiding it all as it all cause me to be left with depression,anxieties,ocd’s,personality disorders,social anxiety,chemical imbalances,ptsd’s,cptsd’s,additive behaviors,thank you for bringing all your wonderful videos on 😘

This video woke me up to so much about myself and so so much more... it was one of the defining moments of so much acceptance for me so thank you!!!!

Thank you for your informative and heartfelt videos. I am just now trying to uncover repressed memories, am reading Courage to Heal, working with a therapist, and doing a workbook. I am wondering if it is appropriate for a survivor who is female to have a male therapist, if the abuser was a male. This video is so true about minimizing, denying and rationalizing.

Hi Niamh. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I'm so happy to hear you like and find inspiration in the videos. It's amazing how often these ways of coping show up in peoples lives. You are certainly not alone. Unfortunately, self-harm is a very common coping mechanism as well. It can be very difficult to think about talking to someone about your struggles and experiences. However, I have found that the thinking is often the most difficult part...the apprehension, expectations, and fears. Once you take the first step you find it's not as bad as you expected. There are some stories on my blog from April of 2013 that might be helpful in taking that step. You deserve to be free of the impact of abuse. Thanks again. Feel free to join us on the blog, facebook, twitter, & google+ too.

i think your strong for being able to talk about all of this and if not,at some time being able to mediate about all of what had happened to bring relief from all the trauma love Denny

thank you for these videos. i truely appreciate them.

Hi Peggy, Thank you so much for sharing and boosting among us the commitment to the healing process.I am therapist as well, and I would like to have some information about techniques and ways to help people who have been victim of sexual abuse. The best for you

Nicole Hanes, Thank you for watching and commenting. Being abused by another child creates a whole different set of issues to work through. It can be difficult to let go of the rationalizing and minimizing coping mechanisms which often develop. Children can and do abuse other children. It happens all the time. There are several factors that would determine whether it would be conidered a "crime". However, the impact is the same regardless. As you said, you can't even begin to think about abusing someone else. This is the case for the majority (BY FAR) of people who are abused. And BY FAR, the majority of people who are abused DO NOT abuse other people. Whether someone was abused or not, it NEVER excuses what they may choose to do to someone else. Unfortunately, I've heard from many people who have shared their abuse experience with a supposed trained professional, who minimizes or dismisses the significance of their experience. If this happens, you need to find someone else! In regards to not knowing what to think...trust yourself. You know what happened and you know the impact it's had on you.

Every time I see a program on tv of a child being sexually abused it brings back dark memory. I was around 10 to 13 years old when I was physically mentally and sexually abused. I was taken out of public school placed into a private school for children with learning disability. I remember acting out against the school throwing chairs anything to relieve my anger I had and still have a lot of anger. I try not to act out I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night. I have tried to take my own life the pain was so great. All I do now is wait till my life ends on its own. What really kills is the death of my sister she was the only one I can talk too. I have lot that no one to really talk to now. She gets me and now she gone. All the mixed confused emotions is literally killing me. I wrote quiet a few poems to relieve my anger. To me healing seems to be impossible. I tried to but I get a lot of flashbacks. The feeling that I feel I could never wish them on anyone. I stay up so many nights just wishing my life would end. Talking about it is very hard. I guess you can say I’m one messed up and confused person. I always look at it as this boys and men are not suppose to be able to get sexually abused. We should be able to defend ourself. I was told if I tell anyone of my sexual abuse people family friends would hate me and there’s the being gay part everyone will think I’m that way as well so my abuser said. I stayed quiet for along time till I had to come out about it. I downed a bunch of pills. And I was asked why so I told the guidance counselor in my school. I do not think I was taken seriously at the time. I still have a lot of pain. How can someone such as me get over it.

Thank you so much.

Hi, i looked help for understanding whats going on with me and you put some clarity in my thoughts. I'm the girl on the far end of the spectrum who has been hurt by many amounts when i was a child and teenager..children and adult abusers . anyway. I'm trying to get help because I'm sick of being told i need help. i keep trying to forget it. thank you for the light you shared.

Thank you!

This is really useful. Can you go into more detail in a future blog about the 'it wasn't that bad' response, minimising it. I'm interested in whether people have reactions that are out of proportion to the experience and how you manage that. Thanks :)

Good video I share a lot of those mechanisms and had a history of the same type of abuse but right now I'm dealing with physical and mental issues as a result of combat. So I completely relate to your story and others, there are so many new age spiritual people here on You tube claiming they can help, it can be extremely dangerous so I am glad you have the credentials and experience behind your videos. Good luck on You tube.

So true, thanks so much for this ❤

i say thank you for bringing this video on with your beautiful personality having great courage being able to talk about your experiences of all your abuse having to endure with all the attached humility,and left with abundance of shame having great courage coming out explaining with all important pertinent information about it all what took place happening,and i say you explain it all very well,and i say this video has importance to helping others that don’t have access or any way to talk to anyone,and i say can be very helpful,and can be healing ,keep more of your great videos coming,😘🧸🙏Namaste ,We Must Keep The Faith,Hope,And Never Give Up

I’ve done nothing but feel the bad feelings! I could do with a break tbh!

I tip my hat to you, thanks for sharing your healing experience. Would you agree that this is a secondary gain? You are truly a strong woman to muster up an aesthetic smile out from the ashen brimstone of a tough subject. I anticipate your take on the relationship between coping mechanisms and secondary gain..you brawny, brainy success you! ;D

An elderly man abused a member of my family and got away with it

Thanks for this video , it helps me a lot.

Anxiety and depression goes together like salt and pepper. We also have denial that may manifest many ways; eating disorders, over-active libido, dissociative personality disorder. I dare say child sexual abuse by caretakers who are liked by others is worse than trauma of war. Because you share a war with others, you share the fear and blood. But walking around in a peaceful small town carrying this and denying it for years is worse.

Thanks this has taught me allot

Not gonna lie I learned a thing or two. Information on this is so hard to find beyond the basics ty

Thank you

Is it possible to heal from childhood abuse without the help of another? Recently, my family has found out about my childhood abuse. Up until now, I have never breathed a word about it. Just turning 21, I thought I had put it behind me. Now that it is resurfacing, I can see the long term effects it has taken on my behaviors and ability to form relationships. All my family wants to do is sit down and talk- but they’re the last people I would ever speak about it to. I am a college student, and can’t exactly pay the cost of a professional. But I also will not speak to anyone I know about what happened. I have read articles on ways to cope with such trauma, as well as watching videos such as yours. In time can I see my own healing through?

I just discovered these videos and have recently told my story to a very close friend b/c for some reason I felt I needed to share. He is a school counseler and explained the same coping meconisims you did. I have them all and deal with my life the same way. I will watch the others. I went to a LCSW and felt I got nowhere. I had to keep her on track. Any NJ recommendation therapist or a type I should be looking for?

You never think it’ll be you

Will you explain how it plays out in relationships. For instance, how these mechanisms become so habitual that they are even used to avoid the guilt and shame of their own bad attitudes, actions and behaviors. And how that causes major problems in adulthood.

I watched this video and realized I have a lot I need to work through, I was sexually assaulted about 10 months ago by a man I had come to trust, he was like an uncle to me. At first I pretended it didn't happen it took me a few days to even get myself to go to my parents and the police. when I told no one really believed me, only my mom did. so I just started to say it was nothing, and that it was my fault for approaching him while he was drunk. I still have nightmares, I can't sleep at night and I cry most nights and let myself fear the worst, I still can't be touched without wanting to cry, and yet I still tell myself "it was nothing" and "it could have been worse." he ended up getting away with it and I see him every time I go to my dads. I knew if I wouldn't had fought my way out that he was going to rape me, sometimes I wonder if I would had let it get further then would the police have believed me? Is it my fault he is he gets to be free on the streets, because I fought him off, because I didn't let him rape me, or is it just because it was nothing and nobody thought it was worth taking action.

Hi,i say it all has great meanings from all of it as because it went on for so many times that it all became unforgettable with all the memories of all of it,and most certainly great amount of worrying about what was going to happen next,and of course next time what was going to happen to no end of it causing depression,anxiety,ocd,cpstd,,and addictions,thank you for video as you showed your courage in many ways and got threw most of it,love Denny😘🙏🦋

Do you think it's possible a for someone to heal without any kind of therapy? I feel the need to maybe finally talk to someone all these years later but not sure who to talk to or even where to for such help. I feel like I'm an emotional ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. One day I'm fine then the next I might go off on someone. As a young girl I had anger issues and even had a hard time I feel cause I felt so bad about myself, the abuse,etc.

My anxiety and patients suck i dont see a way out of this

These coping mechanisms you speak of really are my wife. My wife (of 33 years) was abused starting at 7 by moms boyfriend. Mother gave her to dad at 9. He remarried 2 more times and step brothers abused her. About a year into our marriage she froze during intimacy and then told me of some abuse and clearly blocked out much. Last year her dad got sick and died and she "went off the deep end" and moved out. Intimacy was always challenging as she seemed to enjoy while happening but after looked at me as an abuser. After moving out she yelled at me "I never enjoyed sex with you and I don't need sex". She wants to erase me from her memory. She started therapy with a therapist that specializes in trauma. What I would like to know is what I should be doing that may get her back. How should I be around her (she won't look at me or say anything at our children's homes ) ? What can I do to help her heal ?

Yes question here, so those are the bad coping mechanisms that most people use, but what are the good ones? What should they be using? Can you please make a video for that as well, thank you so much. This was very helpful though.

I was abused as a child,and trained as a therapist, I'm fine talking but feelings was harder feeling. It takes compassion for yourself, journalling, self awareness,

Hi! I just started therapy, and there was some sort of mild abuse in my life. I have not discussed this with my therapist, she asked me about my childhood and I said it was fine. Will she know that I lied? We are addressing why I am depressed , angry, detached, drink too much, hate myself, and some defense mechanisms. Do you think she will think that they are a result of abuse?

You're welcome, Niamh. I did a quick check for a place to start in Ireland and found a few options, depending on your location. I am not able to put links on here, but if you'd like to send me an email, I'd be happy to send you the links.

What about child on child abuse> My cousin who was being molested repeatedly molested me over years. It was "swept under the carpet". No one stood up for me. Now as an adult he says he wasn't a predator and he was molested so it was okay. I couldn't even begin to think of harming someone else. I don't know what to think. I am afraid if I go to a therapist they will say I am over reacting.

its all good that your talking about this but i never could understand why more and more of it continued right into the future at paticular times and where it might have come from unless it might of been because of being at the wrong place at the wrong time so i just learned to let it go in the best way i could like accepting it when there's nothing you can do about it,thank you,love Denny😘🙏🦋🥕🧡🐯

Hi Peggy, I have a question for you, I hear you talking about copping mecanizims with child abuse, the question is are there any differences and what are they when the abuse happens in adulthood? Thanks for sharing all this helpful information.

i was sexually abused by a family member when i was a toddler. i have been able to suppress these memories for as much as 8years ... recently i've relapsed into a deep depression and anxiety. I need help and have a scheduled appointment with a psychiatrist on july 22nd. why after so long would i feel so vulnerable yet i'm older

What are some other examples on denial?

I was molested multiple times by multiple people from 4 in a half years old till I was 10 but I came out about it and it made me be shamed by the family around me. I can't explain how I have experienced thing that I didn't want to think about... I just seemed to block my reality... Rape and attached my self by blocking and allowing really bad things to happen to extension that I have been pushed away by all I knew... No support and facing my reality how the children I had even under... Don't know how to say this... I survived all my life not knowing I have adapted to abuse... I need help figure out what I can fix my life cycle from repeating. I have a very sick story and I don't want to admit it I don't want to see it to anyone else I don't know what to do every person that I've talked to about it has been nothing or ignores it it pushes it aside and they all avoid actually having to do something to change things. And for as long as I can remember everybody just made me feel like I was crazy and I'm exaggerating and lazy I don't want to do what people want me to do but it's not that I don't want to do it it's that somehow my mind isn't allowing me to go and complete what they're asking and sometimes I'm in situations where I really don't know what was going on and I was losing my mind little by little because all of rapes and abused and manipulations and being drugged and having children that were born from sick relationships that were forced somehow making me feel like those were my only options and that I shouldn't say anything or question what was going on because I was so happy that I was having a baby that I blocked reality and I tried to cope with making a relationship work with the abuser and now after 9 years I snap out of a shock and a really bad case of CPS and custody and my dad and my ex taking advantage of my mental health disorder and knowing that I wouldn't fight back and I didn't know how to and I was scared of cpsd took my kids they told me not to fight they would give them back they told me to go fix my legal issues and then they would give him back it was a whole mess it's still a mess I was in a mental hospital because mental break from so much rape and abuse that I lived last year that I know I'm really traumatized that you have a hard time leaving the house because of being attacked and being gaslighted by a group of people I lived with that were abusing me in different ways and I'm on medication but I can't move forward I don't know how to go about understanding what's wrong with me or why I am like this or what's going on or anything to do with my mental health not even the facility that I attend for mental health disorder do they know how to diagnose her how to tell me anything about me problems even though I'm very clear with them and I'm getting desperate everyday that goes by I realize my kids are still not back with me and it's been 9 yrs . I don't want to talk and say something that's going to hurt my kids when they find out I feel ashamed because I didn't know any different or I thought it was normal or it was okay I didn't know you're supposed to feel different I didn't learn these things until now I didn't realize there was an issue with me until now I was okay with the news before and I've excused it and ignored it and allowed it and now my kids have been living with an abusive parent who has always used corporal punishment and mental abuse and trauma to my kids just like you did with me this man when he got me pregnant was when I was in the State of shock from admitting a prior sexual assault from a person that I worked for and having to say it out loud causing me to like going to shock and I wasn't able to like talk and I tried to make my body cooperate and it wouldn't and I was like that for a while the next memory is him taking my kid to my mom's and then he was taking me with him so he could help my mom take care of me and this man had me pee in a cup I don't know how that happened or how I did that but he had like four or five pregnancy tests and he tested them after a few days of being there I don't know how long I was checked out but I remember not wanting him to touch me I remember being frozen and unable to change the situation or stop it from happening at all I was yelling but my body wouldn't react and then he showered me and all the ugly stuff I don't want to think about him touching me but from there he went and laid me on a blanket in his room and the floor and then he just stared at me for quite a while and then he proceeded to have sex with me while I was unconscious like I was with my eyes open but I don't remember like being able to stay completely conscious after the fact that he was starting to have sex with me and it seems like all my memories of being an awkward and messed up situations I seem to have no control of my body in it just makes me go into darkness and I was checked out of it for a bit and he kept me around till after trying multiple times to snap out finally my body listened. I was able to talk I end up returning to where I had been.... (Rape sounds scary ugly) given an open beer that I had only taken like 3 sips when I started feeling funny and dizzy so I excused my self to use the bathroom and as I was there I herd funny noises coming from window and heard and peeked out to find employer and a coworker making out but then she pulls away from boss and said well finally you can get what u want so u can get over her quickly that she was tired of picking up my slack next were horrible Kodak photos and my boss on me and me pushing my face away from him... As I am writing this I'm starting to feel like I'm thinking like I'm falling asleep sort of from how much panic I feel to say to anyone else but I remember him having sex with me I don't remember everything I just remembered on top of me and it's flashbacks ugly flashbacks. But had to choose between them I didn't what to stay with Manny. I don't know how to explain how I live some of s*** but I don't think it's fair I can't allow him to stay with my kids this is wrong purposely got me pregnant while I was out of it that's abuse I think or maybe I don't know I wasn't conscious and I didn't want to have sex with him I have been separated from him for quite a little bit and when I interlaced things and you look back and beats the land I feel stupid because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was wrong with both my children's dad putting me through the same normal to me now forcing their way with me and attempting to have only used me but I don't care that my kids came from that I love my kids I cooked with all the other stuff I survived all the other stuff I function when I had my kids and I have my associates degree while I was a single parent I lived alone with my children I went through some hard times but instead of anyone helping me they just threw me into the bus nobody helped nobody even came to see if I was okay everybody just assumes that I'm okay and they don't understand that I mentally like broken apart. In 2012 my abusive fiance was put in jail and my brother was put in jail and my father had recently got married and when I asked him why he hadn't visited me more often he told me something that changed my life forever from that moment on it broke my heart it made me so sad that things got complicated and I didn't know who last for help because according to my father I needed to understand that he had a new family now that he couldn't just be coming over accused you cuz he had things to do he had a busy life with work and his new family. I have PTSD because of their parenting and yet cps gave my child to him and not only did he hold her back 2 year's (I had an IEP set for her) but he kept her out of school. And even though I was the only parent with the girls they sided with father and gave him to take children even as a constantly absent and being cause for one of my childrens behavior health issues we had just finished her program successfully. Help my girls are traumatized and cps continue to just look the other way regarding all police all's from children and the fact that neglectful parenting on his behalf to be a lone at home with a adult that forced himself on my child and nobody ever realize that he is always able to behave and manipulates others to believe him... He plays poor hard working single parent and has kids believing that if they say anything CPS will take them away from the narsasist he is and because of trauma inflicted on my kids by CPS or DCS they're scare to end up like me... My kids are told so many negative things about me.... I have always said and stated I had mental health issues but no clue how to get help... I even made a report when my youngest came to a visit with belt marks and I provided it to police officer and nothing was done multiple times asked for someone to really help my girls but stated because I say something happened didn't mean they had to go take my kids from him. HELP SUPPORT PRESENT CHALLENGES I lack ability to focused with so many flashbacks and running thoughts over my girls... I would be willing to do anything... please please please please help me DENISE CORONA

Hi Peggy. Please could You give me a little more information on Coping Mechanisms. I just came across Your Video. Thank You.

What are positive coping mechanisms?

I am finding it hard to find any help for daughters who have been sexually abused by their mother. The few times I confide to someone I am doubted because "mothers don't do that".

Im 30 and was sexually assalted when i was 12 by my mothers ex husbands father. Honestly i have been telling myself that it could have been worse and i dont think about it. It is very vivid in my mind exactly what happened but i also deny that it happened. What triggered me was Dr. Fords testimony against Kavanaugh. I hate politics and dont watch the news so its crazy that i woke up to the trial and all along i never thought of my trauma as sexual assault. I always thought that meant that there was sex involved or something of that nature so when i looked it up me being a child when it happened as well as her i had a complete breakdown. He tried to stick his tounge in my mouth, he was 80. It could have been way worse but i need to understand that my trauma is still valid. Idk where to go from here.

The last thing i want to so os talk about how I was tramatised. I need to talk about it,hating it and making me freak out, to defend myself of how worse ot could have been. Simply put it was a lesser of two evils. I dont think about it i had pain and i fought with boiling blood.

I cant seem ti keep even one friend and a boyfriend oo i think ill b alone forever. Do i pick the wrong people yeah sometimes but i cant social right. Idk

It's kind of strange how in the instance of sexual abuse 'minimising' is seen as a maladaptive behaviour, when it's exactly the same as 'positive reframing'. We have the saying 'don't make a mountain out of a mole hill' but if you make a 'mountain into a mole hill' this is bad? I'm starting to question to what extent are therapists and society at large cultivating emotional damage in a person by signalling to that person that what they experienced should be traumatic and the only way to move forward is to relive those experiences to release the emotional pain. To what extent is the emotional pain manifested by everyone else's reaction?

Thank you for this video. I'm wondering if you are able to make a video on this topic for those of us who were sexually abused / traumatised by child on child sexual abuse. Over the course of 18 months more or less, at the age of 9, 10, 11, I was made to engage in a number of adult sexual acts by someone around the same age (don't remember his exact age, maybe a bit older). It also included attempted penetration and (going by USA descriptions of rape, also rape). This person was a friend. So I believed I consented and it was my choice. But I did tell my concerns of getting pregnant and wanting to stop. Which it didn't for a long time. Only when the fear of becoming pregnant and being found to be so bad and disgusting got so great did i finally put a stop to it. And this resulted in a change of character on his part threatening to tell my family what we'd done. And actually tricking me and informing my brother in a sly way. He has had a psychological head lock over me for decades with the power of shaming me by letting this info out. However because he was a child I've never thought that this was abuse because he didn't have the same level of culpability as an adult. But the effects of what happened are significant and have stumped my psychological, sexual, emotional development causing decades of damaging effects. How can Survivors of child on child sexual abuse deal with the added level of shame that their trauma isn't as valid as adult to child abuse which is more clear cut in terms of blame? Thank you

cont. from last post. Then I looked up all the symptoms of sexual abuse and I checked off almost all of them. I had knowledge of sexual matters at the age of around 5 years old. I used to undress my barbie dolls and make them touch each other. I began to compulsively masturbate at the age of around 5 years old and would flash the boys on my block my private parts. I also struggled in my relationships with men who were all abusive and sexually deviant. I suffered with constant anxiety, insomnia, panic, phobias, and depression. I always felt a sense of disconnection to myself and what I wanted. I never knew what I was supposed to do. I always felt inferior to others almost like my existence didnt matter. I felt invisible. And I felt a lot of shame about who I am. I just know something happened but I have no memory of it. How do you access the memory? So I can move on? Sorry this is so long.

I guess I just don't understand the topic of validation much at all. Why is it important? What does is mean? How do you go about it? Ect.

Where do you get help??? I’m screaming to safe myself but I’m not rich or barely making who will tell me where to get help for a second chance?? I’m an adult

I've avoidied talking about my sexual abuse after therapy because I don't want to I know what happened to me was horrible and scary and now I have struggle with PTSD as a rape survivor I never really feel like talking about It I feel like i do I'm gonna cry and not be able to stop

I don't understand why is minimizing consider a coping mechanism? you have mentioned that comparison to others was a way to minimize the individual trauma. However I would like to share that, comparison is also done in many ways such as when a person scored 51 in a test might compare with the one who failed at 49 marks. A person who was born in a poor family might make a comparison to someone who is in worser financial state. Isn't these comparison a normal way of thinking? I suspect many people secretly does compare in order to comfort themself in the way of saying, "be thankful for what you have, as someone out there had it worser than you and yet they can survive" is that minimizing? I do minimize and rationalize when I was a child, however i did not see it as a bad thing or termed it as coping mechanism. I just felt that it allows me to maintain my sanity throughout childhood. Rather, to keep on ruminating over the past and the way it has impacted an individual life, tends to cause depression. It is more important to focus on how to get out of the side effects and overcome it rather than to keep focusing on the abuse side effects. Nobody can go back in time to avoid it no matter how much injustice and anger it caused, the truth is it happened and it was in the past. Focus on getting rid of the side effects it caused you. yes, it is unfair. someone sexually abuse a vulnerable innocent person and caused them many difficulties in life. Someone just gave our life so much shit and they got away with it and we are left to clear up the mess.

If offenders are not made to look for help and get their lives fixed, this will also have an effect on the victim and their trust.

Can you make a video about sexual abuse and mental illness- associated with delusions and hallucination?. More specifically incest-on going abuse from childhood into my adulthood with the same predator.

This is unrelated but her hair is so pretty.

I wish that my mother would have stopped it when I told her about it

I have been sexually abused. No one knows anything about this. They only know im in depression. But not helping me. Ive been take prozac since august. I feel better but sometimes i want to die..nothing seems going to be okay (sometimes) i wish someone help me. But no one cares.

So beautiful

I hate my mother to this day how she validates her none action then. All she was and is focussing is on herself and her denial.

I found out that I was abused by my own mother around the age of 3. I'm now a 46 Yr old man. I feel like my whole life is falling apart. No one really understands. No one who knows my mother believes me. I'm labelled as the spoilt selfish son who doesn't help his elderly mother enough. Now I can't trust my partner as I constantly think they are cheating on me.

I am not step 1 at all I can not only tell people what happened but it hits home every time I have anger. Step 2 is not me either I know my pain and face it head on.validation is my issue I have done it but my brother that molested me at 8 will not validate. I did block it out until I fell in love at 19 with a grate man that hit home with wanting to make love I was only used to sex due to that being all I had ever known so I started having flash backs . early in life he molested me and as I grew every male I knew was trying to get in my pants and I think that's why I gained weight and have not lost it is to keep others from wanting me . Minimizing nope I am waiting out his life so I know he can not ever hurt some other person. I have no rationalehe had no write he took away my chance to have a brother a person to help me know what comes next and trust and talk to . and yes I'm so mad that the people that should have protected me and no one was there he was left with me and I was little and knew nothing should have been done or said . I blame mom for staying in a bad real with my dad yet at 14 he left her and she uprooted me she waited. I feel bad that may pain has continued to drag my husband threw my dark hole as I scratch the walls trying to get out. We have been married over 20 years and are now retierd do to a wreck that almost killed him I am home with him 24 7 and in still not where I want to be mentally. I want to be happy I want my brother to tell the truth and say I'm sorry but I will have to wait to hear he is dead instead.

We should have a favor hat. If you put a favor in it, you have to take a favor out of it. No matter the favor.

Hi i am new here

Shame bind me so I fail to tell! I thought it was just me.

What do you mean by "validate"?

What’s your email plz

Xx

why are you laughing while talking about such difficult topic?

Codependent introvert problems...

Learn to laugh at your abuse and you will heal xxx

:) ;)

Great video you are also soo beautiful

I honestly don't get it she acts like sexual abuse in kid sis no big deal:((