Damage from sexual abuse 

Thank you for talking about this subject!! I myself was abused by my biological dad for 13 years (3-17 years old. ) I left home at 17. I told so many people no one every believed me. Not even my own mother! I lived a very rough life but I'm 40 now and finally have got a wonderful officer to listen and help put my dad behind bars 2 days ago😊🙏. I for along time shoved the pain down. I then found out so many other woman have been hurt also!! We are standing together and trying to heal!! I will pass your video along it helped me tonight and I can't wait to help the other woman!!! Thank you for taking time out to help people. I truly look up to you and have hope I one day will be able to do the same for someone also.

Dear Peggy, I am recovering from sexual abuse and aware of all the things you shared. I yust want to add one thing. Because the abuse started to took place, very urly, in my childhood, I onely hat feelings about it. It learned my that love or bying loved, was a feeling you get, when you do, what makes others feel good about themselfs, whatever that is. They don't see you for who you realy are and that is who you become. Pleasing others and not yourself, thinking that's what love is all about! I'm learning to love myself and no therapist tells me how. No, they yust say, 'You have to love yourself more'! How? You have to find that out on your one! Thank you for shareing and have a nice day. Marty.

You deserve way more views you are amazing

I, too, have suffered damage from the messages I told myself. This is something I have struggled with, and your video explains it all very well. Thank you, too, for stating that mothers, too, abuse.

Great page Peggy. im 43 and finally last night got this secret that has damaged every relationship i have ever been in. Was addicted to alcohol, recovered for 13 years from that still struggle with porn, sex addiction. Getting help in this area tomorrow night with local church mens group. Everyone please pray my gf opens her heart to understand. Just admitting this finally to my family and gf in mass message last night. Feels like the weight of shame and guilt is off me. Now i have to learn how to cope with triggers, etc. God bless you all

This has really helped today. I have "a bottom line" feeling that I can never quite escape from. I can go for sometimes months but in the end I always default to feeling that something is wrong with me, I am defective and people can tell... I get paranoid and feel like my life is a series of fake interactions - it's quite a surreal feeling. Listening and relating to others at these times really helps. I think self love and acceptance is key. Knowing the feelings will pass, finding joy and comfort in little things like a cup of tea, birdsong the ability to think. Still having the capacity to love.... Thank you for sharing I have just found your videos and find them very comforting and healing plus you have such a lovely calming voice. Thank you very much.

You tell me, how the hell can a person still have these horrible memories. 69 years old and I’m having depression and guilt after all these years. I don’t wish to helped, too old to go through the therapy. Go and save a young person put them on meds maybe the will have a better of getting over the trauma of being abused not once but several times.

I'm so glad I found your website and videos. I'm 53 and starting on my healing journey. I was so abused as a child: sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, financial. I didn't know where to start, but I think the sexual abuse has made the biggest impact. Out of an ACEs score, I have 8 out of 10. I found you through a search for support groups, which is a first step for me in self-care and healing. I think I have finally begun the journey. I'm very happy to hear that the beliefs we hold are learned and that we can change them. That is good news. Thanks for what you do and I look forward to watching more videos.

Jeff Hensley Peggy thank you for your videos. I just came across them today and they helped me in my feelings of desperateness. I was abused from the ages 7 to 10 years old by 7 different perpetrators. My life has been a mess since. I've spent thousands of dollars on therapy over the years and read several books. I have received some benefit, but to honest I have spent most of my 56 years on the planet in self contempt, depression and powerlessness. I've gone on to get my master's degree in nursing to be a nurse practitioner and am still plagued with feelings of failure, self hatred and disgust. I've had two failed marriages, two of my kids don't seem to want much to do with me (I found out later my father abused them before he killed himself). You seem so at peace and I feel so tortured. Is there really hope for me. I have many acquaintances but no close friends. I''m alone most of the time and feel like I'm going crazy from the silence of aloneness. What should I do?

Your abuser is abusing others also, you were not alone.., but this doesn’t help you. Is sadder., it has changed your character. Victims didn’t realize there was something wrong with them. It stopped the emotional , mental even the physical maturing process.

How can anyone dislike this video ,, if people think she has a flawed viewpoint and dislike her analysis, that still doesn't mean that is not a good video because that person that dislikes her view, ideas or expression still learned what, in their opinion, is a flawed ideal

You beautiful soul! Thank you so much for this video it was so informative and you have such a peaceful voice/aura. I love the ending about reframing the abuse and having self-compassion 🙏🏼🤗👁

Thanks Peggy, this is so helpful in articulating my own experience and coming out of avoidance.

You don’t realise how much you’ve helped me gaining some clarity in my situation. Thank you Peggy. You’re living angel.

"You can unlearn it". Thank you. ❤

Thanks Peggy, this video is so clear and grounded and real that it gives me hope and great inspiration.

Hi Precious Peggy,i been threw all the same that you were threw as your talking about,so this is why I can really relate to all of everything that happened,and it sure was a lot of shame, and then traumas which carried on with no ending forever,and there is a lot of other things that occurred from it all,the continuous shame,depression,anxiety,ocd,social anxiety,mood disorders,confidence,self esteem,insomnia,nerve tensions,inability to function naturally,etc.,and then realizing there’s no escape from it all completely because there’s something always lurking inside you that basically gets triggers,and now your in it all over again,and then it’s like a repetitive cycle as perhaps addictions with addictive behaviors which are very hard to overcome least to say,and now at this point you might need proper help,and might not be able to get it,and then your really stuck at this point not knowing where to turn to,never ending in mind as I hope this sums it all up for what really happened🙏🦋🥵🐊🐯

What a great video! Thank you so much!😊🌷💜

thanks for this video, what you said make a lot of sense, i like what you said in the end about not making our struggles define us and i trully believe that. i was abused at the age of 7 or 8 by a close family member and i felt all the yhings you mentioned (depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, unworthiness, trust issues, fear of relationships), but i manage somehow to overcome some of these and it was by my true belief that im not define but what happened and that i was only a child, i still have trust issues and i never been in a close relationship with anyone but im willing to try and see what could happen thanks again

Thank you 2nd video and I have had loads of excellent healing therapy. But you articulating the how and what if recovery at a cellular level again perhaps as a survivor you can experience the recovery truly fro the inside out. As I am up with insomnia your videos are very healing. Thank you

I am so grateful for your reply--yesterday was a dark day. Yes, speaking out has definitely been a trigger--but also the realization that in wanting to promote positive sexuality without delving into the abuse, I have been keeping shame very much alive. I understand now that my story starts out as a victim, transitioned to survivor and now I am becoming a thriver--and that there is no shame that attaches to me. My reluctance to talk about my past is what was deepening my shame with the unspoken assumption that something is/was wrong with me. There isn't now--and never was anything wrong with me: it was each perpetrator who bears the shame and blame. Thanks again.

Spot on about self-worth. So much truth in this video...

dont know if you will get this msg, however I just want to say thankyou for talking so wisely about an issue that needs to be brought to life. You gave me validation comfort and your beautiful energy is a blessing which can be HARD to find in a HARD reality.

Thank you for posting videos. May God bless you.

Hello Peggy. I think that this is the video that I like the most from you because I think that you really get what it's like to go through this topic, or (you learned a lot about it to share with others). I definitely don't mean to hurt your feelings by saying that. I just understand a lot of the stuff you said in this video especially. Hearing that probably the most significant effect of my childhood, is the reason that when I was younger I didn't go after my dream of becoming a veterinarian, just because I didn't think I could make it through what it takes to become one and I don't even deserve that future. Saying that these feelings are learned and can be unlearned.

Thank you Peggy!!!

Thank you so much for your videos, I just came across them today. 😭😭😭😭

Numb is right...

Oh thank you for that information Peggy! I want to do whatever will allow me to make a difference in as many people'a lives as possible. I will look into that!!

Thank you Peggy for your videos. I've been in therapy several times but this time I've stuck with it for over a year now, even still I feel sometimes like my therapist doesn't get what I'm saying so your videos are very helpful. I want to be an LPC some day so I can help people.

Thank you so much for this

Oh My Gosh.. Lady .. you have helped me so much.. I am 48 now and had a very unsupportive family.. I thought I had done a good job of healing. I didn't know about what was carrying on in my adult life although I new it was affecting me. I get it so much more.. I am Thankful to you young lady because I can see what I do.

Amazing video. Everything you said resonates. I'm now 55 and only now am I dealing it thank you

You have a lot of courage to talk about it, it will help others. Have a wonderful day:-)

Thank you so much for your videos 🙏🏼✨❤️✨

thank you so much .. this help me a lot I love you .. you are amazing

This has been super helpful, thank you.

Thank you for your video...

Thank you so much for uploading this video... I recently uploaded my sexual abuse story on my channel. I've gone through all those phases you mentioned as well. ( denial being my main growth block) I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years and it's been less than a year that I've removed myself from that position. I'm just starting on my process towards healing... Some of your advice would really help a whole lot...

Thanks to your details explaination peggy It makes me more clearer although it hurts

Hey Peggy ! So happy to find your channel it is so needed. I just wanted to say can you make the videos bit smaller like upto 30 mins or 45 mins max cause there are many videos with bigger span so I cant watch them with that momentum. Thank you!

I always wondered why that i was so different and now i know that i am not the only survivor. Thanks for the videos and for the comments by other peoples story too. I need this because my life is changing and i want to let go of my past but i am taking baby steps. I have been Dancing my whole life to express myself that`s when i feel alive. I put some on You Tube but then I took them off because of peoples criticism. Thx again and for anyone else that is reaching out. My heart goes out to you all.... :) ;) p.s Maybe this will encourage me to put my videos back on You Tube....

Oh my Gosh! My step dad, the only dad that I knew violated me at 7 years old; I must had repressed that because I did not remembered that first act until I was 41. He later had sexual contacts between 10 to 12 years old, I couldn't put words to my feelings until therapy from 2012 tell now.

I know this video is 8 years old but I feel compelled to comment anyway. Peggy thank you so much for making this video. Everyone has said this and it's true: it feels like you were speaking directly to me. For years, since the abuse took place, I have struggled with everything you talk about, but I never understood why. Part of that IS because of denial - because the nature of the abuse was partially covert (and far too complicated to explain), I never really thought of it as abuse. Rather, I thought I was insane and even horrible child for believing the worst of my parent when I wasn't sure (self-blame!). That self doubt had a huge impact on me. I truly thought, and still think at times, that there is something inherently wrong with me because of it. That has always been some inexplicable void in me that can never be filled. Over time, unbeknownst to me, my self hatred got buried under layers of "muck" and was more far removed from the truth. I hated myself for being stupid, for procrastinating, for the constant, endless self sabotaging. I only went to a therapist because my avoidance tactics (that I had learned as a result of the abuse) and self sabotage had gotten so bad that I was ruining opportunities and relationships for myself, to the point that I question my ability to hold a job. It took me YEARS to even define what happened as abuse and as traumatic, much less connect my current state to the abuse, and only did so with the help of my therapist. This video has helped me so much - I identify with everything you've given us here. It feels like the key to my lock. In a way, that validates my experiences, because it's so certain, it must be true that the abuse I so often doubt happened did have a profound effect on me. The 20 minutes of watching this video have been valuable to me and I have no doubt that I will rewatch it. Thank you so much again. You're doing incredible work by putting these videos out and educating people about healing from sexual abuse. I can tell how much this matters to you and I hope you know that with these videos, you are - in however a minute way - helping people on their healing journey. Much love

am still in denial...i cried throughout the video coz its like you were actually talking about me😭😭😭

Beautiful

I had the blatantly obvious signs I had been sexually molested when I was a baby. I had the scarring and stretch marks on my private of an adult male involved with pornography when I was six years old in the first grade. The trauma caused me to have learning disabilities and I was held back in the 3rd grade, and I was stricken with depression starting in grade school ... all blatantly obvious signs of early childhood sexual abuse. I have been victimized by covert narcissists and gaslighting my entire life. I have been poisoned and am sick from it, attempts have been made on my life and I believe people that wanted to help me have been murdered and other people are in such fear of being harmed they cannot help me. All of this because the public schools decided to cover up the crime of sexual abuse and they cannot tell the truth because of the amount of trouble they would face.

Hi Peggy, how are you? I love your videos/please could you do one on those who have a delayed anger response to abuse (like when people have been through therapy but later in life, anger and irritability starts to come out unexpectedly at random people) I hope you understand that. Thanks for your videos xx

thank you . please make a group to join and share our stories

I wanted to say that I created my history of multiple marriages. I kept thinking that I was bad and I'd caused all the problems in the relationships and then horrible things about this one or that one would surface and people would say, oh you just need to find a nice guy - he wasn't good enough for you. I was confused because I "knew" I was bad and I wanted to believe them because it seemed like a solution and I sure couldn't believe I was hopeless because i had to go on. I kept thinking that "now I'm good enough" "I'm older now, and I've read all these books, and I've gone to Bible studies and I'm good enough now to be a good wife". I said all that to say that I kept ending up with the same man. And I got sicker and sicker. I felt like I wanted to say this to help any man or woman who is like this to know they aren't alone. I'm now learning from Peggy and suddenly (HAPPILY) I am seeing many things..life is making sense. It's a mess but I'm not hopeless or crazy. Thank you for letting me say that.

I have a silly question. Can a person also be effected long term in physical ways? I mean besides what may be an obvious physical effect directly afterwards, for example: you may be considered healthy but feel sick to your stomach or nauseated often years after even if it's been a long time since you've even considered thinking about your abuses in any way.

Thank you, Carol, for taking the time to watch and comment :). I hope you were able to find something helpful. If you'd like more, you can join the conversation on my blog & Facebook.

My father says he does not remember anything. I remember the bone- breaking physical abuse, it come sin flashbacks, but I do not fully remember my childhood. I know some children fondled me, but I suspect there was more going on, probably with adults (Too much of my attractions and desires are too twisted). But I do not remember, either! I do not want to undergo hypnosis because it cannot be trusted. I am waiting for God to help me. Maybe I am not ready to know what really happened, yet.

Trauma in many cases produces a trance state which is an altered state of awareness in which many things are assumed true which are not. In my therapy practice I would focus on the structure of the problem rather than the content. This would be the equivalent of changing a program within our bio-computer without addressing the content. When done through hypnotherapy and communicating with the higher mind without interference of the conscious mind many underlying programs can be changed without bringing up the traumatic memories or accessing hidden memories.

What makes it bad is revictimization! I never blame myself I told right away! The law did nothing that is what ruined me and I lost my family they sided with the uncle! Please talk about this! I am numb to life!

I hope this is true

random question ... why are the words ("hope" & I think the other is "dream") in the background backwards? I've noticed them in all your videos. And the clock runs backwards as well. I am assuming that it is because of how it was filmed ... ??

My Heart and my prayers go out to all those people, men and women that have been sexually abused as children, and yet they have been brave enough to survive their abuse. I pray that with God's help you all will find healing.

What is an LCSW? I just decided LPC because I wanted to help people like me and LPC was the only thing I had heard of?

I was told by my daughter about her abuse on jan 17 2017. It is still in the court system. How does a mother heal? What does healing actually mean? The pain becomes less? The memories are less? Triggers lessen? How do I as her mom stop crying, feeling guilty.angry.sad.and revengeful

first i want to thank you for your helpful videos. im a 24 years old woman, i was sexually abused as a child and as a result i have trust and commitment issues and a serious fear of emotional and physical intimicy. i know i need help, but now i cant afford therapy. so can you please recommend some self help books to deal with this. thank you

I was r twice. And other things too. I dont like saying or writing the words sorry. I did alot of this. This was years ago. Between the ages of 14 and 18. I did drugs and otherthings to make my self numb. It worked for the most part. I'm 24 now. Im fostering my brother. His mom is one of my triggers and have been fostering my brother for 6 months. Iv seen her several times even talked to her and was fine until the other day. . now Im having nightmares again. At first it wasnt too bad. I brushed it off and moved on. But its been 4 days now. And they wont stop. I dont do anything drugs cut nun of that anymore not in the last 4 years. Which as i said i used before to numb my self. So now I have no way to stop them. I'm already looking into going to a theirapist but thats a chalange for me on its own. . But my question is why would it just come back. I mean why now. Iv seen and talked to her plenty of times before. The thing with her wasnt nearly as bad as the second. And the first night was the thing with her. But the second and third and 4th night are just about the second time. and now its like its stuck in my head on replay. Idk how to talk to my spouse about it he doesnt understand. I want too talk to him and I want him to understand why I'm being off but i dont know how too. I dont really know if I had an actual question. Sorry. Mostly just wondering if theirs anytricks to talking to him.or atleast making the dreams stop again. I already know i need therapy iv been told that but that wont happen for a few more weeks. I dont want to sleep bc I dont want to dream. And I oviously have to sleep bc im a mom and my kids need me to be able to function. If im preocupied it's not so bad. But at night. Everyones asleep or at work. So I'm stuck.

Wow good video, I have question I need help and advice

Hi Kristy Sparkles. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. Depending on who you ask, you could get many different answers. The general population uses the terms interchangeably. In the field of SA, we use the terms to describe the type of sexual violence someone experiences. Sexual assault is generally used when there is penetration (any type of penetration). Abuse is any other type of unwanted sexual behavior. I hope that helps.

I would love to be able to talk to you on a personal level about the things that I am dealing with at the moment...

I know what it is like to have been abused as a child. I've been dealing with the repercussions of such a significant life event. I seriously doubt that there can ever be any full healing from that trauma. I do not doubt that there is a way to completely blot out the stain from my memory. I hold a kind of anger for the whole thing. There is a natural way about predators and prey. For example, the natural way about the predatory Lion and the prey like gazelle. The Lion can and will strike its prey the gazelle at any given moment. So long as the Lion can strike, it will strike. It's inevitably natural. You see the gazelle are wise too. They can feel when the Lion is looking to strike. The Gazelle's ability to identify the perceived threat and the imperative movement that is attached to it, will have to make a swift judgement to hold on to its integrity. In every hunt the Lion strikes successfully or it fails to complete the objective. The Gazelle will Live or it will die after any attempted hunt from the Lion. So many are and so many will be yet the Lion and the Gazelle.

Does anyone else have a nearly impossible to completely impossible ability to take compliments from others... Friends, family, or strangers? Not only can I not take a compliment of any kind seriously, I immediately shoot it down by pointing out a bunch of flaws to invalidate the compliment. I also feel like people are just patronizing me when they try to compliment me because I'm so pathetic and they see right through me and my traumas... I honestly don't know how anyone can overcome these traumas. My level of self-hatred is incredible. I've have numerous people tell me that they've never met anyone that hates his or herself as much as I do. While I won't go through with it, I am plagued with vivid thoughts of suicide... How I want my funeral, who can and can't be there, every detail is stuck in my head nearly all day almost everyday. I'm so lost.

I want to heal and start therapy but I don’t want to talk about my abuse. Why do I have to talk about it??

How do I contact you ?

Are you a professional therapist or you speaking from experience???

Dear Peggy, I am recovering from sexual abuse and aware of all the things you shared. I yust want to add one thing. Because the abuse started to took place, very urly, in my childhood, I onely hat feelings about it. It learned my that love or bying loved, was a feeling you get, when you do, what makes others feel good about themselfs, whatever that is. They don't see you for who you realy are and that is who you become. Pleasing others and not yourself, thinking that's what love is all about! I'm learning to love myself and no therapist tells me how. No, they yust say, 'You have to love yourself more'! How? You have to find that out on your one! Thank you for shareing and have a nice day. Marty