copying enemies | the after-effects of abuse [cc] 

"When targets see themselves acting like their abusers, they often feel mortified and wonder if they've become the thing they despise. *But the fact they feel mortified shows that they haven't.* Their abusers don't feel remorse. " Such a good quote.

When you spoke of being kicked out, it happened to me when i was 23...after i came out of the closet,and moved in with the woman who would be my wife for the next ten years, my mom's Sunday School Class sent her a boquet of flowers with a card that said "So sorry for your loss"...as if I had died. Even though i no longer considered myself a Christian, seeing that a group of ppl you once considered extended family now considered you 'dead' still hurts like hell.

"If your problem is that your father tearing your family apart with malicious attacks, you might be told to focus on everything he's done for you." WOW. That hit REALLY close to home... I tried to tell so many people about my father's abusive behavior when I was younger, but over time, I stopped because of responses like that...

3:38 yes I remember... The exact moment. My mother was brushing my hair after I took a bath when I was around 8. The brush had most of its pins without the plastic tip, and it was scratching the skin of my head very harshly, it was painful. I told her to stop, and yet she ignored, saying the my hair was beautiful. She insisted and forced to brush my hair despite me almost crying over the pain and her disregard for that. After she brushed my hair flawlessly, she forced me to put on a smile for a picture. She loved it, and even has the picture framed in her house. She claims that is the most beautiful picture she ever took of me. That picture is the one I hate the most, absolutely hate it, I can still feel the pain in my eyes on that picture, with a fake smile trying to hide the sadness of the moment. From that moment on I never put on fake smiles for pictures. I only smiled when it was genuine, which wasn't often at all.

The graphical analogies are superbly thought out.

My mom hitting us was her being a "good parent". My dad screaming at us, knocking off, or destroying our stuff was him "teaching us a lesson" despite the fact that we repeatedly told them that it wasn't working. As I grew older, I started acting out more violently and then I realize that I was acting just like my mother. I was screaming, hitting, insulting, and often belittling the opposing party. I was horrified but me realizing my mistake didn't make it any better. Instead of hurting others, I started hurting myself first I would pinch myself to stop myself from doing something harmful to others, then scratch marks and then cuts. The time I gave myself the deepest cut, I promised myself to never do that again because why do I have to suffer because of others' actions? It was 6 months ago. Not sure how long I will cope with their ongoing abuse now that the only mechanism I knew is not an option. But yeah, I'm alive. Please, you shouldn't be suffering from others' mistakes, flaws. You're better than that, I know it.

It's kinda spooky how many of the things abusers are said to do in this video are also done by oppressive governments. In some nations, it's like living with an abusive partner or family member, but on a society-wide scale.

"The fact they feel mortified shows the haven't" I spent a full year after breaking up with my ex believing the breakup was evidence I had turned into my abusive narcissistic mother. This was something I needed to hear.

You know it was a productive day of self healing when you cry uncontrollably over hearing your lived experience affirmed

Yup. I am always constantly terrified of becoming like my abusive mom. But the thing is, some of her unhealthy behaviors are healthy behaviors taken to unhealthy extremes. It's healthy to be angry sometimes. It's not healthy to swear and scream at minor inconveniences. I was never allowed to be angry, because when I got angry for unjust bullying, I was out of line. I carry that extreme discomfort with public displays of anger, frustration, and dismay to this day, but I am also terrified to express those emotions for fear of becoming my mom. I also expressed interest in trying to stop loving my mom, because that love is constantly used against me. When I told my friends who know about it, they were appalled that I was considering the option, and I started to wonder if I was falling into my mom's habit of isolating anyone that she is "hurt" by. My dad is probably not abusive, but he's definitely an enabler, and he has excused her behavior and reinforced my gaslighting. He once told me that my attempts to work through the abuses were something that all 20-somethings have to do because parents aren't perfect and they make mistakes. He made years of abuse sound like mistakes that everyone made. And sure, his mom was likely abusive, so he probably was telling me his truth... But what a huge gaslight that was. I've lived with other people. They don't exhibit the same adaptive behaviors I have: constantly apologzing, trying to stay out of people's way, being profoundly uncomfortable when someone walks up behind me in the kitchen, trying to soothe any hurt feelings with placating compliments, leaving the room when someone walked in the room annoyed or angry, extreme avoidance of anxieties, and changing the subject, usually in a deliberately child-like obliviousness to the situation (playing up the "I'm a happy-go-lucky airhead" angle). Those are all things healthy happy people don't feel compelled to do. They don't have a 6th Sense for when someone is angry or annoyed and they don't instantly feel panicked when they know someone is angry, frustrated, or annoyed. They are all maladaptive behaviors that I have, and I am trying to fix them. But it's hard. I'm using my friends as a model for behavior now- which probably has other issues that I'm unable to see right now. But it seems to be working well-ish, and it's a lot better than what I currently have.

jesus, listening to ways that abusers flippantly treat those that they inflict makes me realize how abusive those actions are, and how much they were used against me. once you can define abuse, as i was eventually able to do with the help of your videos, it becomes easy to see abuse everywhere you go. it's a frustrating duality to be aware of the selfish abusiveness of everything around you while also knowing that they don't know any better.

Nailed it. Born and raised to be a Baptist preacher. In my long journey out I still find that I can often be an intellectual bully. I am not proud of that. Your videos have been an immense help in softening my approach to the demons of my past that I occasionally find inhabiting my thought patterns. Thanks again!

"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town." -George Carlin

I'm 30, until 25 I struggled with abusive behaviour I learnt from my mother, who was extremely abusive and unhinged. I then went to therapy, and looking back horrifies me.

How i coped with bullying in elementary until high school. "I can't find a way to save myself" I have to applaud my bullies, they were so good at it: -Choosing to target people who don't have friends who would support them. -Inflicting a punch first and then talking to me casually afterwards so people will then look at us and make it look like the bully did nothing. -Bumping in to me shoulder to shoulder and leaving, but then i realized he stole something from my pocket once i got to class. -When i decided to padlock my bag zipper, and even padlock the bag to my class chair to prevent stealing, the bullies just then decided to stomp and kick around my bag in place when no one around would tattle. -The bullies were mostly charismatic and friendly individuals in their social circle so if i pin any blame on them, they had multiple ways to deal with my accusations to a school authority via alibi. -The school being innately lazy in my perception seeing that most of my testimonies end in, "not enough evidence to blame them" Even my parents protested to the school authorities how i kept getting a new bruise everyday. Still nothing. -Betrayal, So many cases where i wanted a friend but instead later went to the bullies friendship circle because they were pretty much half the class and said to my former friend that he needed to dump a loser like me if they'd want more friends. I don't blame my former friends. The bullies were just that smart. Although the ones who actively enjoyed their new bullying role were still subject to my hate. -Although unintended by my bullies, it was a brilliant scheme. They steal from me. My parents later find out i lost something. My parents blaming me and scolding me for losing it. My parents showing slight doubt when i tell them the bullies stole it from me since "i can't explain how" they probably assumed i'm just another kid making excuses to avoid incompetence. OH it was painful to see it from a loved one, more so than from a bully. I even doubt myself if i actually legit lost it. -Of course my bullies sometimes offer to pick on my brains as a trade instead of physical harassment. They would ask for answers to a homework typically. I did it for them of course. Doing their homework was a lesser evil to harming my physical health. As a side effect, i got better test scores due to the increased study load, not that it matters now anyways. It was a painful experience definitely. I relied on Video Games to cope with my lack of friendship. I read books to cope with school having a lack of video games. And probably the cringiest quote i made for myself to cope with my suffering. "At least i'm making someone else happier" In stark contrast. College was perfect. Nobody steals, nobody bullies, everyone is well mannered behaved adults. i could not capitalize on it however. I distrust humans so much now that i have trouble communicating and making friends. Nowadays i find no comfort in telling people how i feel, so deep is the damage of my early school years that even my wish to look for friends is hindered by the fact that i don't even want to express my feelings to anyone. Here i am now. Made a grand total of only 7 friends from the hundreds of students i studied with on group projects, but my god they are the best friends i could hope for.

I struggled with this for a long time. I thought I was a psychopath and eventually realized that I had just been raised by a psychopath, and briefly behaved like a psychopath, but felt remorseful and changed. Psychopaths don't feel remorse. Thanks again Theramin

Theremintrees, you've done it again. I love to see how you consistently nail the experiences of victims in and out of high control groups. I'm a former Jehovah's Witness and the work you do gives me hope that others are taking note of our plight.

A friend of mine convinced me that another one of my friends was toxic and harmful. That I needed to cut them out of my life. Which i did. As time went on I began to realise she was trying to control my behaviour even further demanding more people I needed to stop associating with. I bit back against her and this turned all my friends against me leaving me with nothing. I mourned our friendship and blamed myself for a long time. But never once did she address any of the criticisms I brought forward to her and the problems I was having. To her, I was a black sheep and my words meant nothing. And so I was cut loose from the group. I no longer care, I am angry they never listened to what I had to say or that they never reached out on their own. No. They were a group. A unit. And nobody could breach this. Like a cult they were locked in and deviance was highly condemned.

I absolutely needed this. I was recently blamed and mocked for trying to point out the emotional issues in my family. They said the only problem was me and my lack of gratitude for all they do. They told me I was the toxic one for trying to talk about how unhappy I was. I was never allowed to ask for anything without also being "ungrateful".

The Bully is a programming concept built into western culture. Bullies are typically the psychopaths who run everything, marketing bullies you all the time in order to get you to purchase products, ‘put down marketing’, people who are hurt hurt others, Your boss has spent his/her whole life being bullied by other superiors, being condescended to, so in turn he/she condescends to his/her subordinates, subordinates at a job who have all kinds of things counting against them, weight, culture, race, height, belief, down to the way someone talks or walks, they go home to their families and make them into a kind of subordinate, the child who experiences this form of bullying then goes to school, to look for subordinates and weaker people to express his/her own form of condescension. Vicious cycle, everyone feels they have to become the bully to be powerful in situations.

This resonated deeply with me. I am still in the process of trying to detox and get rid of my fleas. It is a long, painful process but I am gradually learning to grow, accept myself, and be my authentic self that had been nearly extinguished many, many years ago. Thank you for your videos. They are so well put together and put into words things that are too painful to say myself.

Religion was not part of my childhood, but my father was an occasionally violent alcoholic. In some sense, I was fortunate enough that he died when I was 7, but my mother was still not there for us, emotionally, and she's similar today. You hit the nail on the head when you talked about emotional volatility and anger. We have never been able to have nuances of anger in our family. And in my adult life, I've been very much afraid of anger until recently. I realized that anger and aggression is directly tied to passion, and my suppression of it was the primary reason I felt helpless and impotent. I thought I was just more tolerant than most people - and maybe I am, but I've certainly realized just how terrified I am of acknowledging even small amounts of anger.

I was raised non-religious, so I was basically an atheist by the time I was in the first grade, but it's amazing how your depictions of long term abuse in the church mirror my experiences being abused by a narcissist from ages 5-18. I'm in recovery now, but I've suffering an eating disorder and generalized anxiety, and now I'm faced with severe depression and C-PTSD. it feels hopeless at times, especially when hating yourself is so deeply is entrenched into your personality, it's almost like you don't want to let go of it because it feels like it's an intrinsic part of you. I'm trying to unlearn all the shame, but it feels hopeless right now. hopefully, as time goes on, it won't feel as impossible. kudos to you for making a video on what systemic abuse does to a victim, it hits a little too close to home

Here I am, thinking this was some sort of Adobe tutorial.

Thank you for what you said about being pushed to "forgive" abusers. I've never really understood the argument that by not forgiving, it means we haven't "let go" or aren't ever going to move on from the events. I don't believe anyone is entitled to forgiveness, and I'm not morally reprehensible for choosing not to forgive someone. I can emotionally move on from something someone did to me but still acknowledge that the person involved was a piece of shit.

Thank you so much for this. The part at 5:26 really resonates with me, and got me to realize that there were times when I justified my distorted reality. At times I convinced myself that the one who was making trouble was my brother, when in reality he was the one breaking the script.

My entire family taught me that abusive, manipulative behavior is good and empathy is bad. I'm absolutely covered in fleas but I think I've shed a lot on my own over the years. Maybe I'll finally stop breaking down every time I step foot into the therapists' office building and get some help. :')

Some of those people look suspiciously like Death Note Characters.

I feel like this should be taught in school or be a compulsory subject in university or college...

One of the best channels on RU-vid. Thank you so much for creating these!

thank you so much i really needed this and it helps me so much

Abuse from those met in adulthood, even briefly can have these effects as well.

Thank you, so much, as always, for sharing your powerful, well-spoken, practical philosophy and psychology with us! I always find myself resonating with each lesson and finding specific points that I can use to improve and broaden my perspective. Your story about the atheists abducting and forcibly de-converting a Christian reminded me of something that I had heard from someone who grew up in a Soviet state, where they had been indoctrinated with atheism. It was shoved in their face just as dogmatically as Christianity was indoctrinated into you and me as children. They were not told to think for themselves; they were told that _"this"_ is true and _"that"_ is an evil lie. As they grew up and the Soviet Union collapsed, they were greatly attracted to religion as an expression of their personal freedom, a freedom that they had only recently obtained. Joining a religious tradition served for them as an expression of defiance against the oppressive state they had escaped. That story really struck me. It allowed me to realize the harm in trying to shout people down with one's ideas, even if those ideas are the "right" ones, because being emotionally bullied and manipulated into believing or affirming something, regardless of whether that thing is right or wrong, can frequently drive those subjects to rebel, driving those same people deep into the clutches of groups that propagate the opposite ideas. Forcibly bullying someone into believing the right thing is often one of the greatest gifts one can give to the opposition, as it serves their narrative of your own side being oppressive and incapable of winning through virtue and reason. By contrast, I was very pleased that you shared that story of the ex-Scientologists being able to share their diverse views without fear of being shamed and censored by one another. I was not aware that such a group existed or that it could really be sustainable, and it pleases me greatly to see that such a thing actually worked out. It serves as such an example of how _not_ to copy one's enemy.

"The Freedom to do my own mistakes is all I ever wanted". You can't force a man to be free. If done so by extrem means, he will fear the lack of chains.

Apart from the value of the extremely good spoken content of your videos, can I appreciate for a while the graphics of them? As a person who struggles a lot to understand more about personal growth, psychology and - well - how to become a more decent human being, your graphical representations are extremely effective and clear in illustrating the points you are making. And making them more visual helps making them more real. In this video especially, the distorted axonometry that makes sense only from one perspective, the unsure ground that shows more coverage upon time, and the outside street with the toxic environment pattern are GENIUS. One of the best and consistent representations I've seen in my entire life. I don't know if you make these graphics by yourself or not, but either way it shows a very analytical process, where every tiny detail is necessary to the whole picture

The discovery of this channel at this point in my life is probably the most important keystone to my life journey...

Always exciting to get a notification about a new Theramin video.

"Each time we deny the abusers behavior, we detox some of that poison with it." Being around constant violence and a father who forced me to believe everything wrong with me was a moral failing and that I was ungrateful and stuck-up. I've felt like I have to lie my whole life out of fear that nobody could ever love the true me, that if I ever took off a mask id be rejected. This made a once loving and peaceful child into a violent abuser who vents his anger physically and through personal attacks. And every time afterwards I feel just like him, like I'll never escape. But I can. I am not what his words are. I am NOT lazy, I was drained entirely. But I can recharge. Thank you.

Sometimes I just need to hear your voice to feel calm and strong enough to move forward. Your work comforts and encourages me more than I could express, thank you sincerely.

Amazing as always. You and QualiaSoup have taken this medium, RU-vid, and in your videos elevate it and transcend it's purpose to that of enlightenment, education, comfort, and a path to healing and self-actualization - helping others to find meaning and joy in their lives. I can't express enough about the clever ways in which the video medium is used to visually illustrate your points, the comfort your voice brings to the audio, and the compassionate yet incisive points so articulately expressed in the extremely well-written content that is the foundation of your work for on this channel. Brilliant work. These videos should be an inspiration for others and showered with accolades by the public. I hope you and QualiaSoup are both awarded something for your efforts beyond knowing that the good work you do helps others. A medal from Her Majesty? Or a plaque. Or a monument.

This is to the man talking. THANK YOU! Sooo helpful and just at the right time. Im struggling finding 'me' my own thoughts, ways of self expression and trying to REPROGRAME every damnd little thing about me. Even my own voice, laughter, sense of humour, hobbies. Right down to the food i eat! The musuc i listen to the cloeths i wear the movies i watch the list goes on. Ive saved this video and will use it to help monitor my progress as well as the re-enforcing value it brings that it can be done because am not the first one to be abused. AND THAT IM NOT ALONE !!!!

it took me three years from being told by a close friend and family members that i should leave him. we were together 5 years and engaged. your videos make me feel so much less broken and alone and i cant thank you enough for helping me feel like i am okay on my own

I would be very interested in a video on "healthy anger".. I am 35 and grew up in christianity.. (not a part of it now) it wasn't until earlier this year whilst really taking a deep look inside I realized.. I have anger issues, in particular I internalize anger.. Christianity taught me something is wrong with myself, and I have been trying to shake this depression for years now.. Anyway, I really enjoy your videos, and find them very insightful.. thank you!

I look at the list of fleas and think that it is a mirror of myself, all the traits my family gave me... Sometimes...

Your voice and way of talking is just viscerally soothing. That, combined with talking about how to overcome past abuse is really quite powerful

Yo, is this the cast of death note you got here? Interesting analogy.

This has really helped me understand and start to truly detox from my abusive childhood. I have hope now that maybe I can shake off the poison. I see it sometimes when reacting to various stimuli, and though I know this is aimed at religion it stinks of my own upbringing, which wasn't religious at all. I appreciate your help more than I can say.

Always good day for a TT video. As someone who suffered from abusive relationships (she literally tried to kill me, stabbed me with a steak knife), family (shunned by my father's side for leaving the Watchtower org), and religious entities (Jehovah's Witnesses) I enjoyed the video very much. It's actually something I've worried about for a long time. That after being abused for so long I would become like my abusers, but I've been told that I've been spared. I do my best to be a good father, partner to my girlfriend, and patriarch for my extended family (even though I'm only 25, I have the most responsibility). Seems like you CAN live through lifelong abuse and make it out the other side ok. Thanks for the video TT. They're really therapeutic. Are you a counseler by any means? I suspect you live in the UK and I'm US based, but I'd love to pick your brain if you are so inclined. If you're interested, pm me and well set it up, but no pressure.

One thing that I consistently learn from your videos is to always lead people to the water, but don't force them to drink.

New theramintrees vid? DROP EVERYTHING.

The way you untangle the tangle is very great 👍

As response to abuse I tried distorting my character with the goal of forcing my mind to find happiness in my pain. And it worked but not 100%.I managed to turn myself to feel joy in my suffering while I wasnt able to shut down the part of me that does feel the pain. I knew from the beginning that I may drive myself to suicide and made a rule forbiding suicide from the very beginning. I think that is why I am still alive. Over the years I attempted multiple times to get rid of my learned traits but was never able to, it got worse instead slowly driving me deep into selfhate and without any drive to be alive. I knew all along that simply talking to someone about what caused all of it and what I have been thinking over the years would help, but I didnt allow myself to drag anyone down with me, and I wanted the problems to end with me. the moment I talk I risk inciting hate towards the abusers wich in turn may leave a scar in possible future generations (for example if it ends up with cutting contact with parents, sure it may be the right choice, but I wish to let my possible future kids have the absolute trust that they can always turn to their family and talk without any worry). But at the beginning of this year I decided to talk to a friend about everything, I dont need a therapy since I know exactly what in my past caused wich problem, how and why, I just never accepted the available options to deal with it. And since I decided to talk I already feel better even though the conversation didnt take place yet. All this rant may not really fit for this video but I just thought about it at the beginning minutes of the video.

That grid analogy was amazing~~

I'm almost a year late, but I just discovered your channel today and love this. I wish I'd seen this sooner. I'm a survivor of multiple abusers and all of this rings so true, but sadly I learned it all the hard way. It took me years to realize how the poison in me was influencing my behavior.

I love the little things. I noticed the first letters of each word spell “pride” at 0:41. I love the jab at the Bible at 5:11. I’m reminded of sharing this verse, “lean not on your own understanding,” with a friend of mine at the private Christian college I’d attended for the past 4 years. She fully knew at the time that I was an atheist and yet she took the opposite reaction to the verse that I’d intended. She smiled and said something to the effect that she was comforted by it. I told her that such a verse told me that either Yahweh doesn’t want his followers thinking for themselves or men who wrote that verse don’t want the members of the faith thinking for themselves, and that either way it shows a lack of confidence on the author’s part that any freethinking person would be able to believe this religion’s claims in the long run. She ultimately didn’t change her mind. Not yet anyways.

THIS...….should be taught in every middle school.

The Quality of videos on this channel is off the charts Thank you for this gem

I've been really depressed the last year after a break up I went through, I'm aften finding myself judging the person I was with harshly but really judging tge way I acted from the break up the most... your videos stimulate my introspective options and have enabled at times to deescalate the continuing cycle in my head of the events that occurred, i really appreciate what you do, in the last few weeks I've subscribed, I've been able to reevaluate my position on the religion that I converted to as a means to impress this person and to also self reflect on myself the person I was with and my social upbringing to the point where I'm becoming calm and understanding, i'd like to thank you

Thanks. I m coming out from a abusive relationship. And i mirrow myself i saw me abusing others. Now i learned i can be aware of it and walk out of these fantasy

The way the problem is picturized in the animation is just amazing..!!

Is it me or are all the stick figure-esque minimalist models used here inspired from deathnote characters? If not then it is a chilling coincidence.

Videos like these make me appreciate how non-abusive my immediate family is. Sure, my parents are definitely not perfect people, but they did their honest best raising me and never have they said or done anything to me that couldn't be legitimately seen as being concerned for my future. A few of the other comments here also make me appreciate the counselling I got during my otherwise lonely and bitter schooldays, and how I never gave in to people trying to bully me. I got in trouble multiple times for reacting violently to bullying and harassment, but it was worth it: I stood up for myself, and people learned not to bother me. It's chilling to think how many people begin their lives in abusive social circles and they just grow up thinking that everything they're subjected to is normal. 😬

A part of the process of awakening, and why waking up in and of itself, doesn't suddenly make everything perfect.

Thank you dearly for this video. One watch feels like the fresh air on a wound for the first moment after a bandage is removed I've just watched it 3 times in a row. I'm a performer, educator and expert in music. I see amazing things all the time. I don't think I've ever watched a RU-vid video 3x in a row since it was built. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Makes me glad i stuck to following what _I_ know rather early on in my life I'm with somewhat abusive parents, but once i get out of this house i'll live my life the way i want to For every question or problem i'll seek my own answer to, using all the valid information i've been given And hopefully, this way of thinking will rub off on everyone i meet, it would truly be a pleasure

No idea why this all of a sudden showed up in my recommendations... But I am glad I watched this. Made me realize a lot about myself. Thank you.

For how clearly stated these videos are and all I am shocked to not see thousands more. I love your clear enunciation sir.

Thank you so much for videos like this one. It’s so hard to sort out the jumble of thoughts when you’re in the thick of it, it’s truly a balm to hear things explained in this logical manner.

Thank you for all your hard work. You are producing the most consistent thought provoking content on youtube. Once I pay off some debt, I will undoubtedly become a patron.

Omg I didbt know how bad i needed these videos until i started listening to them. About a year ago I found Theramin Trees and haven't stopped since. Ty for these. They help me locate, understand and work through personal and social issues in my life. Also helps me to realize when I should get professional help. Thank you Thank you Thank you.

I never forget "how powerful the script can be.". (The script is all there is.)

i have often berated myself for constantly trying to find external validation in my adult life. but now i understand that it's likely a survival response left over from when i was growing up. i've been slowly trying to teach myself not to need EV but it's really very hard! my self esteem is still quite flimsy even after a lot of work put into it, and i'm so tired -w-. Anyway. I wanted to say thank you for helping me again, Theramin. I hope you're having a lovely day despite the quarantine stuff! Best regards

Those analogies strike me as the most fitting and on point uses of language I have ever heard Just....wow

The creepiest thing happened as I came upon the 5:50 mark. My father came in and 'joked' about harming me as the video described such actions...

Setting the bar ever higher with usefulness and helpfulness in the basic script, but also accompanying visuals! Absolutely brilliant! Kudos, and a big Thank You!

As a former member of the LDS church, I can certainly relate.

I knew that one looked like L! And how Light steps over him to show the "truth" god this isn't just a deconstruction of abuse this is an implicit analyzation of deathnote!

i like that you not only spoke about making it out of abusive groups but also about how we act after leaving that group the first few months after i left religion i became a militant atheist, very persecutory. i now realize how not healthy this was. i also think about how i speak about people who are still suffering from abusive religions because i also remember being one of them. thank you for your videos ❤

I grew up in a home where basically everything I say is undermined and contested. My siblings act like their word is gospel. So I educated myself on various topics and I only care about the scientific research behind those things and I am able to determine what is true and what is bullshit. When people undermine me I do copy their behavior but I reflect it back to them magnified. And that pisses people of so much. My brother is a classic know it all that always needs to be right. So any time he tries to argue with me on topics I am extremely knowledgeable about and he is ignorant I just spank him intellectually. If we talk about other topics and he starts doing the same I just do what he does. I pick out false details and make fun of him in front of everyone and he really hates that. With these people I found that the only way they will shut up and 'respect' you is to do the thing they do to you. I also have a control freak sibling constantly telling me what to do even in shit that don't matter like the way I sit. So I go into asshole mode. I micromanage her so hard to the point where she gets annoyed. And that's the only way to survive. Or else I just take it and ruminate for weeks and feel depressed. My character is someone who doesn't tell people what to do because it's their life, but whoever steps over that with me they are getting their mirrored behavior back magnified and it works so well.

I must say that you are an excellent presenter

You remain one of the best content creators out there. It's always good to see you on my notifications.

You have had much influence on me and I thank you! Your videos are so well thought out and well put together. I often recommend them to others!

Very well done. It helps all of us to recognize the red flags of abuse (even if we’re not in an abusive situation, we can learn how to help those that may be).

Thank you for this video Helped me realize that even though I haven't been under my parent's abuse in years I still look for validation by those I see as superior constantly I definitely needed that sense smacked into me

to me it was impossible to express this kind of mental cause of my religious PTSD, you did it just fine. Thank You

What I love about returning to this is how I've seen the understanding of this concept used in fiction and it made is just so... engaging and real. But also taught the lesson, something desperately needed

I relate to your videos so much and absolutely love your focus on individuality in these videos.

Wow, this hit way closer to home than I expected it would.

3:30-4:00 I was incredibly lucky; My Mom _encouraged_ my curiosity! I still fell for various religious and pseudoscientific beliefs, but I never stopped thinking, and was confident that the truth would ultimately stand up to the harshest scrutiny. I think I also implicitly trusted that I wasn't the only one that thought this way. I was certain that whatever was true would prevail, eventually, even while I was equally certain that God existed. Yes, I was actually that naive, but it seems to have paid off.

I can’t express how much your videos are helping me. I grew up in a high control group mentioned frequently in your videos and growing up my home environment featured several of the abusive patterns you touch on. I left the religion years ago and moved out soon after. The distance has dramatically improved my life but dealing with my family continues to be one of my greatest burdens. I want so badly to share your videos with my sibling who experienced the same abusive upbringing but I fear the criticality of religion would shut her down and drive a wedge between us which would devastate me. I feel like we’re the only two sane people in that house and I couldn’t bare to lose her.

I can’t thank you enough for this video. I came across it today after venting to the dog about my less-than-stellar living situation, and it led me to a greater understanding of my frustrations. First, that I wasn’t really communicating those frustrations with my roommates, and second, that my anger toward them and fear of any confrontation about their actions were products of growing up with an abusive father. Passive-aggressive behavior and making me feel guilty for setting reasonable boundaries were my father’s bread and butter-both which he developed through abuse from his own father. I’ve fallen prey to the path of least resistance, simply wishing I could burn these bridges instead of working to fix the relationship due to my own deep-seated fears. I believe I can and *will* try a different approach this time.

I appreciate your videos. I can't express it in any other way than this.

Excellent video TheraminTrees. Great editing, captivating voiceover and most of all the amount of research and attention to detail that is done is phenomenal. This goes for all of your previous videos too. Keep up the good work. A truly unique and indeed my favourite channel on youtube.

20:49 “its about empowering people with the tools to think for themselves”… 🎶👂🏼 Some vital life tools that helped me think for myself to exit an abusive relationship with religion are as follows: Reverse Engineer Transparency Self Reflection Clarity Neutrality Focus Concentration

My wife is a victim of abuse, her entire family's fucked up. She really enjoyed this and says it puts a lot of things very well. Her father was a narcissist. I'll show her that one next. I envy the thoughtfulness with which you portray these things. Been watching since 2010, keep it going

4:39 - you have some z-sorting iss--- ohh

Hey this is an older video so you may not see my comment, but I just wanted to thank you, especially for this video. I came from this background, and your understanding has been refreshing and helpful.

Thank you for making this video. You provided words to so much ineffable pain and suffering I personally have sustained. Having these ideas in hand is a serious step toward having a life of my own.

When my mother passed away I could finally think with my own head, it felt like my life just began at the age of 19

My mum was an alcoholic with narcissism and subjected me and my little brother to all sorts of mental abuse. The majority of it came as we were teenagers, when she realised we were growing away from her and becoming more independent. Instead of putting her own emotions aside and wanting us flourish, she tried to keep us down and suppressed using horrible mental abuse. She was insecure and had no control over herself or her emotions and would never see herself how bad she got. Everything was always someone else's fault or everyone was always 'attacking' her when in fact she was always the agressor. Projecting, gaslighting, insults, alcoholism and many more... it was a gloomy time and a dark entrance to my adulthood. I left when I was 20 after meeting a girl who has saved my life. Our relationship, unlike alot of them, has got better with time. I was a prick to her at first without even realising. It felt justified at the time but my anger was out of control and I would constantly believe she was trying to make me angry and make a dick of me, just like my mum did. I was behaving like my mum. I had no control over my emotions and believed that I was the victim when I was actually by far the agressor. I'm truly ashamed of it now of course. My girlfriend could have thrown the towel in at any point but she has always seen me for who I am, instead of my 'fleas' and that's why we're so strong as a couple now. I do still have a temper and can be quite quick to snap over little silly things sometimes and I'm also very impatient which I understand is a flaw but, overall, I'm now well in control of myself and my emotions. Self assessment, critical thinking and cognitive self training has allowed me to dive into my deepest subconcious fleas and go through them with a fine comb. It definitely helps having an interest in psycology but videos like these can be a great help to people's mental health and can start the ball rolling when they maybe blind to how they process things and in turn how they act out those processes. Thank you Theramintrees