It seems these days no one is your friend. Your classmates aren’t your friends, your coworkers aren’t your friends, no one is your friend. What a sad world we live in these days.
Nothing new under the sun really, though its only after one gets a little older that one can differentiate who is a friend, a familiar aquaintance, or someone who is just bad for your overall well-being
I had a coworker, my first impression with her was "do not trust this lady". Eventually she won me over, I dropped my guard, and she stabbed me in the back. No one at work is your friend.
"Work friendships are situational" this summarize everything 👍. Actually, if we look at most of our friendships throughout life, they are simply situationships.
If there’s one mistake I’ve made it’s opening up too much too soon to coworkers. You can be friendly and have some fun at work without revealing too much. Openness at work can be seen as a weakness and used against you.
You're very right about this. I recommend talking about surface level topics but nothing that could make you look bad if everyone at work found out about it.
Yeah but it is hard. Sometimes you want to get stuff of your chest and just tell anyone. I told some homeless dude I just met about work drama once in L.A.
People in the work place are fucked up ! As simple as that... They're 1 or 2 broken by the system who've decided to retreat. But even them, if they don't come to you assume everyone is a threat !
You're not wrong... its a reality.. sometimes, a close colleague at work can throw another under the bus! just do the work , go home and enjoy your own life!
If you quit, they'll even forget all about you that day! Blows my mind how fickle "work family" really can be! Clock in collect the check, and go home.
This is happened to me. I`ve had to mates in the work we was good friends. When my boss fired me She called me into the office at the end of the day. I did`nt even had a chance to say goodbye to my 2 "friends". I called them no answer, I texted them no answer. I was so sad but now I know they was fckers. No regret since that. Now I am self elmployed and I don`t have any double faced co-workers.
I'm very private about my personal life and I don't go out and share with my coworkers. I don't consider them friends. I go to work to do my job, not to socialise. When a coworker told me she considers me her friend, I acknowledged it, but I do not feel the same way. I keep work and life very separate.
when I began my career I was single, childless and friendless having moved to a new city to start my job. I had no social life outside of work, which made it hard to NOT try to strike up friendships with coworkers. I quickly learned that the workplace isn't the best place to meet new people.
Jealousy is strong in a workplace! Coworkers do not fit the definition of friendship. It’s always the ones that pretend to be your friends will end up being your worst enemies.
Thats just how the workplace is the problem is that people are afraid to lose their jobs so they’ll go out of their way to blame you for situations that was created by a customer or someone else aside from you or your friend I hate modern workplace culture because all it’s designed to do is throw the employees under the buss while the boss man gets to sit on his ass all day and find out who’s gonna get fired next while taking home 200k a year this is mainly in retail and fast food restaurants
I’m 48 yrs old. I NEVER considered a co- worker as a Friend. I always keep to myself, WORK & mind my business. Co workers don’t get it. I don’t bother explaining myself. I ignore them and TALK abt work only and keep the convo short
Co workers are usually two faced, self serving backstabbers who "befriend" you but anything you tell them in secret seems to be all over the place in days. I learned the hard way they are not friends. Also many never followed through on promises to keep in touch. Also I hear through the grapevine that some colleagues have said bad things about me since I left a certain workplace, or some who I once had a grievance with but got talking again, has said nasty things about me since we parted ways.
@@JenniferBrick A human has that power of free will, to choose moral values or amorality and be a jerk toward others. It’s not always a question of priority… We are not animals even though we live in a cruel materialistic world. It’s just my opinion ☘️😊
@@ForgottenKnight1 how other people choose to conduct themselves is not your business. You will not change them. You won't win against someone who has more power if you don't acquire more power.
This is why 2 of the guys I graduated trade school with many years ago, started their own small business one year after graduation in 1984, one started a plumbing business the other an electrical business, both in residential repairs, nothing will ever be better than being your own boss, and in charge of your own destiny, last year both of them made approximately 140k each, no employees just themselves
Sounds rude but this is why I just go to work do my job and go home. I only talk to a coworker if it’s something to do with the job. They may think actually I know they think I’m being mean or introverted but I learned the hard way before no one has your back in the workforce everyone’s out for themselves because no one wants to get fired. You’ll be surprised how quick someone you thought was your pal at work will throw you under the buss.
Yup. They only friends I made it worked were one that I deemed stable and friendly enough to give me a reference when I left the co. I can only a few out of the 40 years Ive worked.
Ironically they can only really be your friend once one of you leaves the company. That removes the competituon for the next promotion and also the awkwardness if either becomes the boss.
Life is situational. I had great friends in college. We created lasting memories over those years, but college ended. We went our separate ways. I stayed in touch, but as time went by, marriage family, work, etc. of course those friendships fell away. We exchange messages once in a while, but still I wouldn't go back in time and not be close to them because the friendship faded over time. You can make friends at work. I've made lifelong friends at work. But it's tricky. You pick and choose carefully that's all.
Yup, and hopefully you have friends outside of work... If not, then it'll be really hard. I'm in my 30s now and most of my "friends"/acquaintances are married and spend time with their kids, or are focused on their careers. It IS more difficult to make new friendships as you get older, If someone is single and doesn't have a wife, husband, kids, but they have a stable job...they may be better off just being a hermit for the rest of their life. Pets and A.I.(to an extent) are better companions than humans anyway.
This video is timely af. I thought I had a work friend turn into a real life friend with our long conversations and once we started hanging out on the weekends together. Then one day recently I asked to follow her on IG and found myself blocked by her right after that. So... yeah. Not even going to bother talking to her anymore unless it's work related.
Pretty sure that the people at one of the last jobs I had, conspired against me to get me fired. Every time I leave the room and come back, they get quiet as if they were just talking about something they didn’t want me to hear. Yeah that place was like being in one of those reality tv shows like “Big Brother” where contestants vote each other out and are rewarded for how sneaky they are. Was definitely blindsided.
I thought the people who did best in big brother were the ones who just kept themselves low key, got on with everybody in some sort of way. Not loud personality, just floating through and staying agreeable.
I worked in an Orwellian call center. I can can confirm all the rumours including cliques, favourites, manipulation, backstabbing and smiling assassin's. Also if you are naturally a private person that keeps to yourself and doesn't want politics conflict etc and doesn't want gossip (be involved with it or be the centre of it). I certainly learned that work colleagues are not your friends, I learned they have no loyalty to you, more importantly the company has no loyalty to you. A friend is a friend until something "better" comes along be it money, status, etc. They will betray you. I learned these lessons the hard way but the best lessons are the ones you learn yourself the hard way. Have a good day reader.
Friendships are what you make of them. You can't go in assuming people are your friends because you solve problems together in the workplace and go out for cocktails. A non toxic work place is intrinsically friendly and good workplace culture dictated that you support your colleagues. From my experience if you show people respect and try to be a kind human being you will maintain friendships wherever you go, I switched jobs two years ago and re trained and moved cities. I would often meet with my former colleagues for lunches and sometimes drinks. I've moved back home after being away for two years and my friends I made 4 hours away message me weekly, I popped in for a visit a month ago and I had three of my friends come down and stay at my new house. You cannot expect coworkers to be your friends, but if you let things happen organically you are very likely to make and maintain long-standing friendships.
Exactly, friends come and go. That is the way I see it anyways. Some are meant to be part of your life to the very end and others are just there to teach you lessons. Most of the friends you make from your childhood up to college don’t stick around. If one those friends do stick around from those days then that’s awesome. The same goes for workmates both current and former. Things should happen organically as you mentioned and never forced. Everyone just needs to go to work with the mindset that work is a place of business and not social hour. That business makes money and people need money to live. Money motivates people in good and bad ways. It’s human nature to protect themselves (job security) and play the game of business ( 💵). I say always be ready to play the game of business or be thrown into the fire because at the end of the day business is business. No hard feelings should ever come about when your so called “friend” gets you sacked. It just means you, your ❤️, and 🧠 weren’t there to get 💵.
Yeah I think this was a warning about not setting boundaries and came out muddle and against work friendships. I genuinely like the folks I work with but also understand how situational it all is. And through that recognition is how I can make the conscious choice of "look, I'm already here eight hours a day, I can make it pleasant by being pleasant or it's gonna be long and lonely". It's that whole two wolves meme.
I've met many cases where a co-worker tries to be friendly so they can gather any sort of info they can use against the other person to gain leverage. While it's not impossible to gain new friends at work, it should never be a main focus. Sometimes the snake is coiled near you and you won't notice until the moment it bites. The less they know about you at work, the better. For the sake of your own integrity and mental health, keep your distance and set as many boundaries as possible with other people at work. Some will use you as a step to climb on the career ladder whenever they get a chance.
This is why I love working for myself in my own home business 😂 I do not miss being around people or coworkers at all. From my experience most people are fake, jealous and negative I don’t care to be around them.
Jennifer, this is one of your best videos yet. I started a new job 2.5 years ago (Feb 2021) and started watching your videos to help me with my career. I stayed at my last job for 17 years, and everything in your video rings true. I had to learn the hard way. The relationships are situational and 100% based on power and politics. It is hard when some of the top people make the place so "fun:" happy hours, bowling, horseback riding, holiday events, wine tasting, dinners, mini golf, concerts, and more. Of course they did this because there were not a lot of promotional opportunities. I gave that place my heart and soul, and my identity was based on the program. Many people actually lost their marriages because everyone hung out so much--too much. The beginning of the video showing the one team member leaving and slowly fading from the group was a reality check for me. I want to travel in a time machine and make my younger self watch this video.
ALL friendships are situational and temporary. Friends are just temporary blips. Friendships serve a purpose, and when that purpose is exhausted so is the friendship.
That depends. I’m friends with someone with a higher position but that’s because we were friends when we were peers(on the same level). In front of others, I treat them as someone I directly report too and they treat me as someone they manage. But behind closed doors, we still teasingly give each other sh*t, send stupid memes and they still sometimes bring me lunch(sneakily now) that they or their family cooked cause apparently I would die if it weren’t for Uber Eats.
I made the mistake once of thinking a coworker was a friend. I thought I could trust her and it turned out she was relaying things I was saying to the boss. Rookie mistake, lesson learned.
I got promoted from within and learned the hard way just how competitive other coworkers were. People that I had worked alongside and shed all manner of tears and sweat with, suddenly were watching my every move, waiting for me to mess up so they could "cancel" me. And as much as they complained about how "bad" the work environment was, I came to realize they were actually just frustrated because they felt entitled to a promotion, not because they were actually being wronged and needed me or anyone else to "save" them. Learning the difference between a genuinely underappreciated peer or subordinate, and somebody who is just pissesd that they don't have enough power, really was a game changer in helping me deal with work and life better.
I've had a few friends growing up, some friends in the USMC. After that, not a single real friend from multiple co-workers & neighbors. We live in a fake country. The more people that I meet. The more that I love my dog.
I do not go to team lunches and I do not go to parties after work. Those times are my times. I also put my phone on "do not disturb" for two hours after work and two hours before work. This stops coworkers or the boss trying to get me to either work extra or run errands off the clock. I have a group of phone numbers I allow to get through my do not disturb time. This gives me peace of mind. The boss may call going to lunch, etc. as team building. I call it invasion of privacy.
It might be different in healthcare. I have made lifelong friends from work in clinic settings and nursing homes. We’ve been traumatized and burned out together and have bonded through this trauma.
@@janicemacintosh5804 I feel blessed to not have experienced that personally. I work with colleagues who are extremely hard working, who bend over backwards to make sure their patients are safe and advocate for them. No place is perfect but I’m just in awe and inspired by a lot of my coworkers. One of my mentors is this family practice doctor who has the heart of an angel and to this day I don’t think I’ve met anyone as caring as him. He comes from a family of Mayo Clinic doctors, but when I met him he was working in a small community health clinic and very much likely getting paid peanuts compared to other doctors. We used to go running together and stuff. Maybe i just focus on the positive people in my life and try to attract the positive people. There are definitely a couple of bullies I’ve seen in my career but so far I have found a way to avoid them and they get what they deserve in the end and end up getting investigated or end up leaving
In all of the jobs I ever had, I never considered any of my coworkers as friends. I always made an effort to be polite, respectful, and got along pretty well with everyone. However, I only ever interacted with them during business hours. We never hung out on evenings or weekends. It would probably be a bit strange if we did. Guess I always just assumed that was the way the world worked.
90% of my friends are either current co-worker or previous co-worker. A good way to tell if you work at a toxic place or not is how close knit everyone is. I have work at some places that I never made any friends and other that I made life long friends. It all depends on the wiring environment.
For the few people who said they have made great friends at work, that's the exception rather than the rule. In most cases, it's not a good idea to be close personal friends because most work places are competitive. Even if you're not in sales, promotions and pay raises are things people compete for.
I think it's a joke how everyone at a silly job is competing for the dreggs while the CEO laughs all the way to the bank. I usually don't share my borderline nihilistic view of the workplace because it offends my coworkers and bosses. That's why I vent on the internet. 😂
@@GenerationX1984This is me, right here lol. It's hard to find someone at work who feels like this too. As anti-capitalist as I am, I still need money to live so I just keep my mouth shut and do my job and clock out afterwards.
Well, it is difficult and toxic if they didn't deserve it. I mean if they're not difficult and toxic themselves, they don't deserve DESPITE not being your friend.
me too! At my previous job, I didn't want to talk about my personal life and just work, and they said that I have a "wall up" don't let anyone in. I'm there to work, not make friends.
Co workers are not your friends and gym people are not your friends in both areas get in and out and keep in moving. Backstabbing, drama, gossip, gaslighting, insecure woman, power plays etc is all I have every experienced with these people. I keep it polite and professional but will never go beyond that in addition great point on not creating your identity around work because when they pull the rug out from under you, you are left scratching your head wondering who the heck you are
You are so right! I learned it the hard way last year when I realised people I called my friends were not always that well intented. It was devastating at first but it served me to realise I needed to invest in my life outside of work asap.
I did an internship and I got thrown under the bus by the person that was training me! My supervisor said that they had to let me go and that I had to find another place to do my internship. it was a mess I had to get one of my professors to fix the situation( the internship was in conjunction with my University) After that meeting things were smooth but it taught me a lesson to not trust my co-workers and the importance of communication!!
I remember becoming more at peace in my job, when I acknowledged that I love the mechanics of my job, and that the people I worked with were my least favorite aspect of it.
this is a very cynical view of the world, and definitely not a universal experience. You don't have to befriend every coworker, but if you never make a single friend all your life after college, you will live very lonely and depressed. I'm sure it makes for nice clickbait title for that engagement money, though.
@JenniferBrick Or perhaps you should just learn to assume the best in people and not insult them out of neutral comments. Maybe then you'd have real friends that won't stab you in the back.
I have never socialized with any co-workers. I see enough of them during the work days, I leave work at the door when I leave and socializing with co-workers defeats that purpose. Besides which, I have never liked co-workers.
This makes so much sense! I put in my two weeks notice earlier this week and people were "shocked", even though they know how toxic the work environment is and how I've been treated. Says it all really. A lot of cognitive dissonance!
I'm baffled by the concept of not making true friends at work. Some of my closest friends 20+ years were my coworkers. We had a bookclub, would go out to movies and dinner. I found this to be true in different industries and places of work. I'm not friends with everyone, but you spend so much time with these people, you need to make the best of it.
I guess it all comes down to choosing wisely- In some jobs you'll find true friends who will always have your back, others you'll find none, and of course those you'll find to be pirate ships full of backstabbers. It's down to each of us to tell them apart, and choose accordingly
you really find out about people when something good happens to you, or better yet, when something goes wrong. the backstabbing when things go wrong is incredible. furthermore, i would never recommend ever dating someone at your workplace. don't sh!t where you eat. there is absolutely nothing to gain, and the fallout can be ugly when there is a breakup. cheers 🍻 from southern ontario, canada 🍁
@@Uksoapfan conflicts always reveal people's true colors. i work in a unionized environment and you'd think the "union brothers" would stick together. in reality i call most of my backstabbing co-worker's, the devil's disciples lol.
I have friendships that started at work and remained friends for years later. However....this is the exception. I sure as hell don't trust my colleagues at my current job
I know my coworkers are friends to a point. They don’t want to train me in everything because they are afraid to be replaced because I’m willing to go above and beyond what they do. They hate I am willing to work so much.
Same. With every job, my boundaries get stiffer and I am more guarded because even if the job starts off good, changes in management structure or goals always ruins it. The lesson I've learned over and over again is that the managers are almost always are being manipulative, even if they seem genuine. I just never go in trusting them or even thinking when changes towards seeming transparency happen, that I can let my guard down. I have turned out to be right every single time, but it's still hard to go to work accepting that you're there for like 8 hours and you have to be guarded and basically not yourself. It sucks. I don't do any parties while at work. I don't participate in most conversations.
Jennifer, you are so on point with this! I was devastated. I mean, absolutely devastated for an entire year after leaving a job that was all i knew for five years after losing two of my loved ones. The lesson learned was a hard one. Now, I start a new job tomorrow! Im very nervous as it’s for a very well known 4-star hotel. I want to go into my new career with rational perspective on the professional relationships I will be building at the hotel. Sometimes, we gotta go through pain from the previous round, to grow stronger roots within ourselves so we are not disappointed by other antics and motives! As long as I stay strong with my goals and keep listening to “My Career Bestie” I think I’ll be better at protecting myself this next round! 🥊
Finally got the position I wanted and the best part is I have no coworkers ! I left a company where the company was literally family and it was very cliquey!
Absolutely agree with you! Between all the people I ve met at work, none has sticked around nor I Ve felt like I really wanted them In my life after that job. It might very rarely happen to find someone you can really connect with when you are in you 20s and that friendship can last even after one of the two leaves the job, but later in life it's more about being friendly, not friends
I made the huge mistake of befriending my supervisor. For 6 plus years, all I've been doing is giving him ammunition to use against me. Found out some stuff back in December. I felt/feel .. betrayed.
Aren't all friendships situational? Are you still friends with all your friends from high school? Unlikely. But that doesnt mean you have to lose touch with everyone. If you really want to, you can maintain friendships even when you move apart, but like every relationship in life, it takes work.
In the last 2 years I`ve lost 4 job because of backstabbing co-workers. They are (as most people today) are very double faced and nosy. If you successful they are jealous at you. If you on the floor and your life is in trouble they feel good because someone has a worst life then they have. They are laughing on you calling a loser behind your back. I`ve reached the point when I said enough. Now I am self employed I have no co-workers, no arrogant boss no any negative people around me. The best decision I`ve ever made.
There's a group of managers at work who are literally on holiday with each other right now. Just as the company just laid off a bunch of people. Some of the people on holiday were at risk too! It's actual insanity
Why would I even entertain such a thought? Between co-workers who don't know the meaning of boundaries to supervisors who take great pleasure in dressing you down in public, you, why in the hell would I want to spend my free time with them? The "Mary Tyler Moore" show started this myth of co-workers as family and the show "Bones" took it further. Setting appropriate boundaries between yourself and your work is optimum for your mental well-being.
I used to be this person. My current work situation is the longest I have been at any job in years because I went into as they are not my friends, only when it benefits the company or my coworkers. Old me- I left what I thought was a horrible job but great coworkers/bad boss situation. Found out several women who I had at my house, babysat their kids, went out for drinks and family events- were ALL backstabbing me to my horrible boss. Yep. I wish them all karma. The corporate retreats were one big sex fest between upper management and the team building caused a physical altercation between 2 people. Man I love corporate! LOL Not! I do not get overly friendly with people now but I also worked hard to get to a job that I don't deal with coworkers too often. I have lied about my life and what I do, my relationships, just to see who talks and how it comes back to me. I will say don't go into management, that released a lot of stress for me. I also act dumb, smart enough to do my job, dumb enough not to get stuff piled on me and guess what? I'm thriving. Imagine that.
I dont understand why ppl come to work to make friends ?? U can be friendly but I never understood why they hang out and party together , it’s so bizarre …
I have one great friend from the 10 jobs I’ve had. But most people are just not your friend. I’m not friends with people I work with and they’re not friends with me. We didn’t sign up to be friends and we aren’t obligated to be friends.
I made the mistake of thinking that just because you are friends before you work with someone and then work with them, they are your friend. This girl, who i thought was my friend was gathering information from me and reporting me to the boss and spreading lies. Never trust a co-worker ever.
I've been employed by a Fortune 500 corporation for nearly 30 years. Everything mentioned in this video is spot on true. There are rare exceptions to some friendships that endure past employment, but they are just that; rare. It's very important that everyone have a social circle outside of their workplace. Without it, your social life will come to a crashing halt if you have to leave your job. I'm nearing retirement, so I totally get this. It's been on my mind a lot lately.
don’t add them on any of your social media as well because they will tell your coworkers what you were doing on your off time. Even though they force you to add them just say no respectfully…
This can be said about all friendships. Friendship isn't real, it's only people using each other. Everyone is selfish and if anyone had to commit genocide to live they'd do it in a heartbeat if it meant they could get away with it. There is no use in friendships at all is basically what you're saying. You're right I guess
It’s the sad reality for most people. I believe there are some people who manage to forge true friendships, but those are rare. It is not common at all.
@ntmn8444 hahahahhaahhaah yeah. I always thought these people were exaggerating but now I'm an adult. There's no fking thing as friendships. You think you're too good for me and I think I'm too good for you.
Exactly! We don't go to work with the intention of making friends with our coworkers, no! We're there to do a job and earn our paycheck and our classmates from school, usually aren't our friends in real life either.
Currently working place where EVERYONE is enmeshed. Many of them graduated high school together and/ or spouses work here together. I started 6 months ago and, after being here 2 months, I got called into the general managers office (married to the lead HR woman). He asked me if I was making friends with the other women in the office... are you kidding? Uh, not here to make friends, weirdo, I'm friendly with everyone and I do my job. That's why I'm here. There are three 40-something YO women who have referred to each other as BFFs. When we have team building meetings, they all sit together. If one gets up and leaves the table, the other 2 say "we love you". Friggin weird.
I never make/keep friends at work. Too many betrayals, gossip, cheaters, etc. When you try to make a friend, either they quit and you drift apart because now that they have a new job, they work evenings and you still work days, so you no longer see each other anymore. OR they say they are your friend but they are also Manager Sally's friend too, and manager Sally hates you, and so, when having to pick between you, your "friend" picks Manager Sally. I'm friendly, but at the end of the day, I do my work and go home. I keep all work relationships to friendly neighbor/just a stranger. Friends and family are the ones who get the real/whole me.
Currently working in an extremely toxic workplace in an ad agency. No respect for boundaries. No defined roles and responsibilities. Tons of undermining. Tons of stealing other peoples ideas. Tons of backstabbing and throwing under the bus. “Leaders” that are bullies. It’s terrible, toxic and very demoralizing. I’m 8 months in and I am actively looking for a new job. Appreciate their checks that pay my bills, but definitely not a long term investment.
I have changed jobs more than I imagine. When you work in physical jobs like warehouses or garages that you get dirty no one is going to make friends because all they think is what time they go home and get paid. On the corporate side you work in a happy environment with AC and not getting dirty and you make friends, that is how I always saw it.
I left a job and then was rehired two months later. Didn’t hear a word from my former coworkers but after coming back two months later it’s like I never left and all my so called work friends were my besties again. Lol. But I have to admit I really didn’t think about them much either during those two months. Definitely situational. Great video!!
I trust blue collar people. I was on the elevator with an old cleaning lady once and she called the CEO a f** for making her work late. Mind you, she doesn't know me lol. Homophobia aside, I found her honesty so refreshing.
Been working at the same office for over 5 years and oh boy! I went from being the friendliest new co-worker to be on my own, I'm still polite but very careful with all my co-workers because I've been back stabbed by those who were the nicest 😑 one in particular used to talk crap about this employee and then became "bff" with her. That was a red flag for me.
At my old job, a toxic teamlead asked where was I going the month before when I had a green dress on during an off day. I was confused. He told me our supervisor saw me out and told him. She never approached me. I didn't see her that day. Why didnt she just say hi instead of running to tell him? Did she secretly take a pic of me? Why did he remember what color dress I had on the month before when he wasnt even the one that saw me? He asked me this in front of other coworkers who looked more concerned with me being outside on my day off then with these ppl watching me in secret without saying anything. It was so weird. Im glad I left that place. I was there going on about 8 yrs at the time.
